The Actual Freedom Trust Mail Out
Mail Out 26
Peter to Subscriber No. 6
SUBSCRIBER NO. 6: Would you call an Actualist the ‘ultimate thrill-seeker’?
PETER: Thrill-seeking, as in seeking thrills, certainly wasn’t ever my motivation when I was an Actualist.
When I came across Actualism I had exhausted my seeking on the spiritual path (when I got to the stage of walking through a spiritual ashram singing to myself ‘Just give me that olde time religion, give me that olde time religion ...’ it was the beginning of the end, although I was to give it a few more tries over a few more years before I had to admit that it was spirituality that was inherently flawed and failed – not me).
Soon after coming across actualism I knew that if I were to make becoming actually free from the human condition my main goal in life then that would inevitably be the end of ‘me’. I described it at the time as being as though I would enter a long tunnel at the end of which was the end of ‘me’ and beyond that again lay an actual freedom
I also felt the fear of entering the ‘tunnel’ (to continue the metaphor) but I was so drawn to what lay beyond this ‘tunnel’ that I did it anyway. As I bypassed the fear and entered the ‘tunnel’ leading to ‘my’ extinction there was certainly the thrill of setting off on a brand-new adventure. Very soon after I found that fear and thrill were hand in glove companion feelings on the path to an actual freedom – an inherent by-product of ‘my’ commitment to achieving my ultimate goal.
As for fear, it sometimes reared to the surface (like all feelings) and was quite dominant for a while but inevitably always subsided (like all feelings), sometimes it lurked in the background so as to dull my experiencing in periods that felt like I was crossing a vast desert when nothing seemed to be happening, sometimes it surfaced to act as the fuel for doubts and suspicions, sometimes it was ‘missing in action’ during PCEs, sometimes it was so diminutive as to be almost non-existent during an excellence experience, and so on.
An important additional point to note about the feeling of fear is that it can, in some circumstances, easily morph into panic and then intensify into what is commonly known as ‘panic attacks’. Should this happen at any stage on the path, the crucial thing to remember is that this is only the feeling of fear in operation and it is much more sensible not to act upon the fear (to keep one’s hands in one’s pockets as Richard describes it) otherwise the fear will only increase to the point where one inevitably inflicts harm on others by infecting them with one’s own feeling of fear/panic. This means one will have a lot to regret afterwards as the consequences of acting out of panic become clear after the feeling eventually subsides.
As for thrill, the path to an actual freedom is never dull (even when nothing seems to be happening, one is acutely aware that this is so and this awareness itself ensures that life is never dull) and it is very often thrilling (the very act of discovery is thrilling in itself) and it can even be, at times, alarming in its thrillingness. Initially thrill emerged every time my awareness led to an insight or realization about the way ‘I’ operated as a feeling ‘being’ in a particular situation such that the feeling disappeared and never returned again in similar situation. This then left me more able to be harmless and therefore genuinely more happy. Often the thrill was downright exhilarating as a sudden moving forward was experienced, sometimes the thrill was a too-much-too-soon thrill as I felt myself to be on the precipice of an event too daring to even contemplate.
In summary, it was not that I was ‘the ultimate thrill seeker’ as an actualist but the very fact that I embark on a journey contrary to, and therefore away from, the mainstream of society in order to discover the ultimate meaning of life, is in itself a thrilling enterprise.
Thrill is par for the course on the path to an actual freedom, after all it is, quite literally, the adventure of a life-time.
Cheers … Peter.
Richard has written about thrill –
Richard, List B, No. 39b, 7.11.2002a
Mail Out 32
Peter to Subscriber No. 6
SUBSCRIBER NO. 6: Hello Richard, Peter and Vineeto,
You’ll be glad to know that the time surrounding the dawn of a new year was exceedingly productive for me as well in my path to an actual freedom. A salubrious New Year’s eve can apparently resonate throughout the year. I conjecture that the ‘sweetness’ you all speak of is due to Richard’s own heroic leap into oblivion: we have evidence; facts you could write (many) a book upon.
PETER: Conjecture can and does fill many books but here is my account of what the sweetness meant to me (the report of someone one who experienced the sweetness as opposed to what it is that you conjecture) –
SUBSCRIBER NO. 6: The accounts instil confidence and assurance to a travelling actualist. Richard had none of this. Can you imagine? I suppose you cannot...
PETER: I can’t imagine what Richard went through (I can’t imagine anything nowadays) – besides I have no need to as I have read and heard Richard’s accounts of the experiences he went through before becoming actually free. And neither can I emotionally experience what Richard the identity went through but his accounts are quite explicit about what ‘he’ went through.
SUBSCRIBER NO. 6: Which brings me to my first question: where is the border between speculative thought and imagination? Creative musings and imagination?
PETER: As for your first question, if your conjecture – ‘that the ‘sweetness’ you all speak of is due to Richard’s own heroic leap into oblivion’ – is an example of what you call speculative thought (and I can only speculate about this) then there is no discernable difference between your speculative thinking and imagination.
As to your second question, both Richard and I, in the mutual designing of the MVS Actualis, easily found creative solutions to specific requirements, often found a fresh and better approach without having to fall back on traditional ways of doing things, got the best result within a given set of parameters, mused about alternative design solutions and in doing so produced a design concept that is unique in its field. In short, creativity without even a speck of imagination.
SUBSCRIBER NO. 6: My second question: Do you – Peter and Vineeto, share the idiosyncratic reaction that Richard has to psychotropic chemicals?
PETER: The only substance containing a psychotropic chemical that Vineeto and I have tested so far is caffeine and both experienced no adverse side effects whatsoever.
SUBSCRIBER NO. 6: Do you share the motion sickness upon, for example, riding a rollercoaster (in the probable case you haven’t yet gotten a chance to test this, what is your best guess?)
PETER: Since becoming actually free neither Vineeto or I have taken a roller coaster ride and therefore cannot factually report about any motion sickness. As for you question about ‘my best guess’, what good would my best guess be in providing you with a sensible answer to your question? Would you take my best guess as being a fact as to whether Vineeto and I share the same motion sickness upon riding a rollercoaster? If I guessed that I would, whilst Vineeto guessed she wouldn’t, would that tell you anything of consequence more than if I had told you that my best guess would be that both of us would get motion sickness, or if my best guess would be that neither of us would get motion sickness?
Time spent on conjecture, imagining and guessing is time wasted.
Time spent on focussing on minutiae is time wasted which could more appropriately be spent on focussing on the main event/the big picture, which is becoming free from the human condition in order to contribute to peace on earth.
Cheers … Peter
Peter’s Text ©The Actual Freedom Trust: 1997-. All Rights Reserved.