Some Personal Attestations
Some five months ago I came to a point that marked the end of some fifteen years on the ‘spiritual path’. I was beginning to see that no Master’s Teaching produced anything other than surrendered disciples – and further that none of the Masters led lives that I would wish to emulate. I further saw that in my youth and early adult life, I had questioned and abandoned God and Religions as a sensible concept and gave up on Western Religion ... only to take on Eastern Religion with God subtly disguised as Rajneesh, Buddha, Nirvana, Truth, Love, Existence, etc.
Then I met Richard. In the ensuing conversation he said: ‘You have wasted fifteen years on the spiritual path. Every belief that humankind has held up to now is wrong’.
And I said: ‘Everything? Really?’
In the following months, when I looked honestly at what was offered in the name of New-Age Spirituality, it was obvious that it was perpetrating – and indeed actively spreading – the same old system of beliefs that have caused the wars, violence, misery, poverty, slavery and suffering in the world since time immemorial. I then looked at love and found that as a means of human beings relating it has always been a failure; be it within the tribe, family, sisterhood, brotherhood, etc. – let alone between man and woman. Always there is submission, jealousy, power-trips, resentment, dependency, etc.
With the inevitable failure of ‘earthly love’ comes the hope of Divine Love, the promised Bliss and Compassion of Union with The Whole, Existence, God or whatever in some eternal after-life. Even if this fails, of course, there is always the ‘next life’. Love has never existed peacefully on earth unless soothed over with a layer of spirituality or reduced to a dull level of acceptance between man and woman. Hence the current despair of both men and women around love and sex. Obviously nothing has ever changed or got better and never will unless something genuinely different is tried.
I have now had some five months of actively challenging most of the beliefs that make up ‘Human Nature’ and those personal beliefs that I have taken on and which formed ‘my identity’. What I have found is quite extraordinary – humankind is founded on a belief system based from Neanderthal times and has remained unchanged and unchallenged to date. I remember at one time looking at the perfection of nature around Byron Bay and being starkly aware that all was perfect and it was only human beings that were not. No genuine evolution of consciousness has been achieved let alone offered as possible until now.
What becomes increasingly obvious to me is that peace on earth is only possible if I am capable of ridding myself of anger, malice, sorrow, compassion, love, hate, etc. – indeed all the emotions and feelings that constitute ‘Human Nature’ and my self. I now fully accept that responsibility and regard myself as virtually free of the beliefs and conditionings that have made up ‘Human Nature’ – that which everybody said could not be changed. Occasional flashes of the old psychological entity that existed five months ago still surface, are quickly seen and dealt with. I now live happily in this actual world with no need to bow to a higher authority, seek approval of others, need support of a group or the continuing indulgence of a personal identity.
The thrill of living in this actual world in a PCE is infinitely preferable to the excitement generated by physical and emotional highs with their subsequent depressions. I now look with bewilderment at my previous life with its self-imposed neuroses as I struggled to maintain my identity in a competitive, miserable and violent world. The painful and relentless effort of maintaining an identity is virtually gone and I am now addressing the feeling of being, or self, within me that causes separation.
There is now an alternative – and it works. Life is indeed wonderful when lived moment-to-moment here and now. (25.6.1997)
Upon meeting Richard I was determined not to give up my belief in Osho for yet another belief. It all sounded great, plausible and sensible what Richard said, but I did not want to just believe another authority. But what Richard said made me prick up my ears and be interested enough to inquire as to the facts of the whole situation, for myself. So I started to investigate if what I had so long taken to be the Truth, was factual or just fantasies of Ancient Wisdom. The closer I looked, and the longer I investigated, the more I had to admit that I had been sold a fantasy. Yes, this fantasy is backed up by great feelings of bliss and love, it is believed by millions of people, but it is nevertheless a fantasy, produced in the head and in the heart. It is made of the same stuff as dreams are made of.
I had to admit that I had not seen everything yet. There was something still better on offer – the purity of the actual world, not only without ego, but also without soul or being. Further, I discovered that applying Richard’s method brought results within a few months – the tangible results of becoming happy and harmless, of being able to live in peace with a man 24 hours a day, every day. It is not the other side of the same coin. It is not an opposite belief, you come to your senses. Peter was the first man who offered a commitment to look at and eliminate everything that prevented us from living together in peace and harmony, equity and intimacy. It took only eight months to investigate all the issues between us – and since then there has not been a single bicker, argument or withdrawal, let alone a compromise. In short, living with Peter is beyond my wildest dreams, a delight every hour of the day.
The first thing I had to do after 17 years of spiritual conditioning was to switch my brain back on. I delighted in using my intelligence again, started doubting the old, used scrutiny and discrimination to slowly question everything I had taken for granted as wisdom. What a gullible person I had been, you could have told me any fairy-story of astrology and energies, channelling and chakras, and I was ready to believe it all! Investigating and thinking again, felt like being back in High School or University, where intellect and intelligence get trained, where it was O.K. to think, where I learned about facts – but even many of those so-called facts later turned out to be mere assumptions disguised as scientific theories. I re-discovered the joy of discrimination, of relying on myself instead of authority, of using ‘silly’ and ‘sensible’ instead of moralistic appraisals.
When for the first time I broke through the veil of beliefs and emotions and experienced the world in its magical and magnificent actuality, I also saw the man I am living with for the first time as he is – simply a human being. The intimacy of this recognition hit me like a jackhammer. I realised that in ‘normal’ life I was walking around in a cloud of self-created emotions and imaginations and thus made it impossible to meet another human being in equity and unrestricted intimacy. After this peak-experience, where I saw the world as perfect as it is and the other without bonds, investments and self-reference, I was hooked – I wanted this kind of relating and perfection 24 hours a day. This delightful free interaction with another human being is so fulfilling, so delicious, so innocent and free that it leaves both love and Love for dead. Now I can give everyone I meet, and spend time with, my 100% undivided attention, being here with them for as long as the meeting lasts. There is neither an expectation nor an investment, neither a need to ‘give’ nor to ‘receive’, but simply the joy in meeting another human being. No love or Love can offer such freedom and delight.
Dismantling the need and belief in authority allowed me to stand on my own feet for the first time in my life. I had to realise and acknowledge that I am alone, standing on my own two feet, nobody knows ‘the truth’ and no ‘Existence’ is ‘taking care of me’. Woof, what a bummer – and then, what a freedom. I can actually do what I want, think sensibly, take care of myself without the concept of any Almighty God and enjoy life, even if everybody else chooses to be miserable. What a freedom not have to react to people, men in particular, out of superiority or inferiority, but to be able to communicate with everybody as fellow human beings! Now I am my own authority, deciding what is silly and sensible, using the common and practical intelligence of the human brain. I am responsible for every action in my life and I can acknowledge that now. However, this meant that from then on, I could not blame anybody for making me jealous, miserable, grumpy, afraid, angry or frustrated over any issue. Now there was no more excuse, no more hiding place.
I have found out ten times more about myself and the Human Condition in the last two years than in all of my sannyas years. So I can say out of my own experience that there is much more to discover than meditation, therapy or plain watching can ever facilitate. But the search is 180 degrees in the opposite direction, away from the spiritual, into the actual, factual, sensual and sensible. I have come to see Osho’s teaching as a modern version of Eastern Teaching. He talked on Buddha, Krishna, the Zen-Masters, Zarathustra, the Sufi-Masters, Lao-Tzu, Ramakrishna, etc. But in order to question the Master after a devotional relationship of almost two-thirds of my adult life, I first had to question several ingrained concepts in me. I found the belief in authority was a big issue, and a strong need to always have somebody to guide me, love me and to belong to. Surrender to his authority was an easy option. There was also the belief in God or Existence, the ultimate and invisible authority, some (non-physical) energy outside of me and outside of the physical universe. This energy represented the ultimate power and Wisdom. And then there was love. The need to be loved and the hope to become Love one day. Love for the Master made it impossible to question anything he said; I was following him not only for bliss, but for love. And yet, so many things didn’t add up. I had needed to explore the nature of the bonds with the Master and face the fears which came along with dismantling my relationship with Him – he who claimed to represent the ‘Absolute Truth’ in the spiritual world. Given that I had seen through the belief in the ultimate authority of God or Existence I could then more easily set out to investigate the facts of enlightenment.
When I removed the feeling of love – and the belief in his ultimate authority – the assumption I had that Osho’s techniques had worked for me, was no longer valid. I found them lacking – lacking success in what I wanted to achieve in my life compared to the effort I had put into using his methods. I found that, after 17 years, I was neither happy nor harmless, I was neither enlightened nor could I live at ease in the marketplace. I had made myself dependant on the masters authority and on vague interpretations of what he had said (millions of contradicting words, which every Sannyasin would take in a different way). I have been in and out of Enlightenment and in and out of the state of ‘universal bliss’ and I know how to not be seduced and trapped in it. Free to live in this actual physical magical world, which is so enormous in its splendour, aliveness and delicious sensuality. Any concept of God or soul or Love would only destroy its purity and prevents you from experiencing the actual world. This physical universe is so vast, it is complete and perfect in each of its aspects. What a delight to be the universe experiencing itself as a sensate human being, through all the physical senses, without separation, day after magic day and night after sparkling night, here, now, each moment again fresh and delightful, sensuous and actual.
Richard was the first one to question the state of enlightenment because it did not match the way he experienced the world in the peak experience. In arduous years of investigation he discovered the massive delusion that enlightenment is and, by eliminating not only the ego but also the soul, all the hear-felt emotions, he managed to get himself out of this delusion. What was left after the complete elimination of ego, soul, identity and being was simply the physical human flesh-and-blood body, perfectly functioning in this magical fairy-tale like world. Without the Human Condition, without the overlaying fear, aggression, nurture and desire this world is experienced as-it-is, benevolent, friendly, easy and magically delightful.
The pure and immediate adventure of experiencing this moment of being alive is so utterly superior to everything I had come across in the name of meditation, bliss or ‘satori’ that it speaks for itself. Being in the actual world, everything is simply obvious, needs no explanation or theory, and contains no emotional memories of any past struggle or fear. There is nothing that blurs or edits the experience of the world around me, which is both wondrous and delightful. Freedom is living each moment as it happens, without any objection. It is not the end-product of years of building up a structured belief-system; it is the opposite – destruction of everything that lies between me and the experience of the actual world. Freedom is simply what is left after I rid myself of every layer of the emotional and instinctual ‘self’, which is the only obstruction to my direct experience of the universe.
It is exciting, alive, right here and a great pleasure!
I am thrilled to have found someone who is talking about the experiences I have had and the fact that [Richard has] achieved it for 4 years gives me great encouragement – the most I have managed is a few weeks.
It is so fantastic to have found someone who knows what they are talking about and, more importantly to me, what I am talking about. Also not to be worried if what one is saying might be used against one, as is the usual case (I have found) when pursuing personal growth, spiritual matters etc.
Since getting on the net, late last year, I have found some incredible rubbish out there. In England, during the 70’s and 80’s the ‘personal growth’ movement was very strong and I was quite involved. There were a lot of good things happening. Then in the late 80’s Eastern mysticism started to take over everything. That was when I ‘dropped out’ of the growth movement and went into a bit of a hibernation until recently.
[My experience is that] in a PCE there is a direct contact with the world. There is an experience [that] everything is perfect, always has been and always will be. Only this moment in time exists and nothing at all matters. It is impossible to feel anger, jealousy, fear, loneliness, pity. Everything is effortless and it is a joy to be here, doing whatever one wants to do, be it appreciating a flower, washing the dishes, writing in a journal or communicating with another. The world is a vibrant, wonderful place to be in. All senses are intensified, you can see and hear things you never heard before. There is an absolute clarity and a perfect peace. In this state it is very unlikely that one will react to what another does, as it is such a pleasure to interact with another and you see them for the wonderful person that they are.
There is an absolute joy in every moment. It would be absolutely impossible to harm another. This does not mean I could not defend myself against physical abuse but I could not will myself to harm another. Senses and sexuality are increased to an incredible extent. A simple caress of an arm, a cheek, becomes more sensual than any sexual experience you have ever had before. Orgasm becomes a matter of choice – I do not mean just delaying it, which I have always been quite good at. It is more that orgasm is no longer the point of having sex – you have sex simply for the enjoyment of whatever is occurring, with no thought of what will happen next. You can experience the other’s orgasm. You have absolutely no hang ups or inhibitions. Sex becomes an amazing experience, but then just being alive is a marvellous experience, so it is hardly surprising that sex becomes incredible.
I am like a new born baby going out in the world, for that is what I truly am. And there is so much to do and explore – how can anyone possibly be bored in this veritable wonderland. Meeting people is a joyous occasion, a chance to share yourself with another and show them your joy at being here. Every encounter with another becomes a fascinating, delightful experience. People one comes in contact with usually go away enriched by the encounter, feeling the world is a better place. It is easy to understand others’ problems – in most cases it is very obvious. The only desire in action with another is to assist them in discovering themselves. It may, at times, not always seem so to the other, as it is now impossible for one to play their petty games and one may expose some raw emotions.
Sometime soon, ‘I’ will disappear completely and I will live constantly in actual freedom. It matters not at all. I am here, now and if it is virtual freedom, it will suit me perfectly.
I came across Richard’s web site about 8 months ago whilst in the midst of a huge ‘identity’ crisis. I had been a sannyasin [with Mr. Mohan ‘Rajneesh’ Jain] for 17 years and the crux of my crisis was that the path I had chosen was not working for me ... at all! As well as sannyas I saw that I had taken on all sorts of mumbo jumbo beliefs about channelling, 4th dimension, shamanism – blah, blah, blah – during the course of all this I realised that my definition of love had gone out the window and through my panic and fear I noticed that as I stopped trying to ‘be loving’ I started to feel less malicious also and much more autonomous. After reading Richard’s and then Peter’s writings I could see similarities in what they were saying to the experience that I was having and started to apply ‘how am I ...’ as diligently as possible to my life. The result of this exploration has been more freedom and autonomy than I have experienced before in my whole life with some wondrous times of virtual freedom lasting sometimes for minutes, sometimes for days. It has of course been accompanied by the deepest feelings of fear, dread and confusion of my life also and times of extreme panic over the seemingly constant barrage of physical symptoms.
I have become completely hooked on the deconstruction of ‘myself’ as I see so clearly at this stage that said entity is the sole cause of every ill that exists in my or any human’s existence. This new view that is dawning in my life is so different to any change that has come to my life previously as it is not a construct that is being added to ‘me’, but has resulted from a deliberate investigation of self and it’s motivations and modus operandi and is a personal reduction not a personal growth paradigm. In light of these investigations the self and the parts that make it up are seen in the true light of a PCE and it’s incumbent pure intent which is the experience of this body stripped of the human construct and the original soft ware that blind nature imbues all species with.
I look at my view of life today as compared to my view 8 months ago and so much has changed. What started out to be what I described as the hardest year of my life has become the most refreshing change I have ever experienced. The change of perspective on my fears and judgements is also vastly different and the fact that there is easy progress in the desired direction is a joy after so many years in the spiritual paradigm where I was in seemingly constant guilt that I was not doing right or with enough resolve and devotion – all very trying – in both senses of the word. Now, when confronted with my fears and judgements instead of berating myself for my shortcomings one sees it as a new opportunity to investigate and explore and usually lose a few kilos of identity. Fear as an ally ... who would ever think.
I was ‘putting under the microscope’ my previous attempts (and their seeming importance at the time) at discovering the ‘meaning of life’ and upon reflection of my most memorable PCE I saw that the only meaning was simply that it (life, the universe and everything) is happening and the ensuing wonder at it’s glorious perpetuity was in fact, it’s meaning, no more or less.
Early in my experience of this road was a feeling of bliss that used to rise slowly like a liquid filling up my head beckoning me to metaphysical heaven which I no longer yearned for so I found that if I just kept walking the bliss would go and pop! there would be the crunching of the gravel underfoot, breeze on my skin and the fragrance of acacias ... Ahh yes!
The friendships that were in my life have all gone with the wind as those friends see me as no longer ‘loving’ and ‘supportive’ and my reluctance to give or receive advice about ‘problems’ is seen as callous disinterest. Friendship-in the real world seems to me to be simply a watered down version of ‘love’: ‘help me to prop up and aggrandise my identity so I won’t feel separate, alone, scared’.
My journey so far with this ‘way’ has yielded more freedom and unconditional happiness than any thing I have experienced before and I have reached the point of no return-normal or spiritual are no longer options. I have become keenly aware of the fact that my mind spends an inordinate amount of the time imagining myself to be anywhere but here and now – imagining myself in the future, imagining myself in conversation, imagining myself in a thousand different ways, situations and localities and it is such a joy to be discovering that being here takes no imagination at all!
What a remarkably simple thing!
The Third Alternative
(Peace On Earth In This Life Time As This Flesh And Blood Body)
Here is an actual freedom from the Human Condition, surpassing Spiritual Enlightenment and any other Altered State Of Consciousness, and challenging all philosophy, psychiatry, metaphysics (including quantum physics with its mystic cosmogony), anthropology, sociology ... and any religion along with its paranormal theology. Discarding all of the beliefs that have held humankind in thralldom for aeons, the way has now been discovered that cuts through the ‘Tried and True’ and enables anyone to be, for the first time, a fully free and autonomous individual living in utter peace and tranquillity, beholden to no-one.
Peter’s & Vineeto’s Text ©The Actual Freedom Trust:1997-. All Rights Reserved.