Actual Freedom – Audio-Taped Dialogues

Q(1): [to Q]: I don’t know if this parallels your experience too, but as the beliefs that were put in place are rewired, I am more and more experiencing life as perfect. By rewiring one is moving toward that state of perfection that one has wanted – or desired – all of one’s life.

R: Bits and pieces of the identity are falling off as you rewire – as you see through various beliefs. As they disappear, that is a part of your identity going. Large chunks can fall off until you get to the stage, as (Q) says; ‘I am getting very, very thin. ‘I’ am insubstantial’.

Q: There is not much left of ‘me’; you know, where I used to hide behind a particular identity, where I would make myself feel secure in order to be in a situation in normal life. I don’t have that anymore, because it’s also protection for your identity – all the beliefs you have – because that’s where you have learnt to derive your security from ... from other people’s beliefs ... which is your identity. It is other people’s beliefs – it is not your own original ...

R: So as you experience that perfection more and more you know you are on the right track, and then one day when you are not experiencing, you can look around to see what is stopping one from having it. You find that you can track it down: ‘Oh, it’s that belief’. The seeing of it causes it to drop away, thus you are whittling away at your very identity.

Q(2): I can’t believe how fast it is all happening – it’s amazing!

Q: I’m amazed too.

Q(2): You are?

Q: Oh yes. Much quicker than in me all those years ago.

Q(2): Because I now know that a major change has happened in me; my attitude to life is so different.

Q: Once you see it, you see a lot of clusters; thoughts and beliefs coming together.

Q(2): Clusters?

Q: Yes, clusters. That’s how I used to feel it in my own head, where you ... where I had ‘slots’ ... where I had a filing cabinet. ‘This belongs here. That belongs there.’ Yet it never worked completely, so I was always re-fitting bits: ‘Oh, that doesn’t belong there, it belongs over here’. Now that I don’t have that belief anymore, that string can be cut – that line is not necessary anymore. I can never, ever go back to believing again, because I’ve seen it and it’s gone forever. And it wasn’t my belief in the first place, anyway. It was somebody else’s idea about who I should be. Or how life is.

Q(1): It wasn’t your intelligence operating, anyway. It wasn’t you ...

Q: No, so I can do without it. You stand more and more on your own two feet and you get more and more confidence. And life itself becomes nicer and nicer ... because you become clearer and cleaner.

Q(1): And that set of beliefs was your identity.

Q: Yes. That is what ‘you’ are.

R: And emotions. A belief is an emotion-backed thought.

Q(1): In other words, when you have a thought there is an emotion comes with it?

R: Yes – or a passion. A strongly held belief is a passionate conviction.

Q(2): That would be a major belief? Right.

Q: Whenever you find yourself defensive, in whatever way, you are holding a belief. Because, if you are talking about facts you don’t need a belief – you don’t have to believe that there is a coffee table here. Then we can all agree on that; whereas beliefs divide. Facts bring things ... facts bring people together. With facts we can agree on things.

Q(2): What about this situation? The other day I found myself been accused of what I have accused others of in the past. I was speaking about things in an intense way to another person. She accused me of being aggressive and told me to back off – that I was coming out with an energy. There was this indignation in me about what has been done in the past in the name of ... that the Masters are holy, that they are sacred ... all these wonderful things ... wisdom ... that they are supposed to be wonderful yet they are cheating ... they are all looking as dirty as politics. There was this, sort of, ‘thing’ in me ...

Q: That is what you can look at: your indignation.

Q(2): Yes.

Q: You obviously still have a link to a it ...

R: No, it is not a link. It is indignation itself. As you come from nearly twenty years of spiritual search, you will find that you need something strong operating in you in order to make the necessary break from the old. It may not be nice but it is a fact – and you can make full use of your indignation to swing through to the new. Once you have made the break – or you see what you are doing – that will be the end of indignation. It is a way of making a break from what you believed in and held dear for so long. An emotional investment requires – apparently – an emotional breaking away. Loyalty and allegiance to something is a very strong thing to break – and indignation is the way you are using to break that loyalty.

But when you are talking about these matters to another person – and you want them to know about what you are doing now – then that is a different issue. If you find yourself becoming indignant – becoming heated – then that is something you can look into to see what is going on. Remember, the name of the game is to be feeling good right now, because this is your only moment of being alive. Feeling heated can hardly be called feeling good ... let alone being happy. How will that convince the other of the salubrity of your new way?

Q(2): Right.

R: If you want to convince other person of the correctness of your new way and you find yourself becoming impassioned ... then it is obvious that your new way is still a belief. A fact is obvious – it is something clearly seen – and no passion arises.

Q(2): Yes, well that’s what I thought – that there must be some beliefs that I am holding. But you say indignation is okay ...

R: No. I am saying indignation is the way you make a break from beliefs of the past. But any passion about the present understanding indicates that it is not clear seeing but a new set of beliefs you have taken on.

Q(2): Isn’t this tied in with what [Q] was saying: that if there is an emotion then that indicates a belief ... there’s passion where there’s a belief?

R: What can happen is ... because all of your life you have been living in a belief system ... then you will take on what I am saying as a new belief system – instead of seeing the fact of it. Or at least partly as a belief.

Q: Yes, that’s what I was thinking.

R: As it works more and more in your life you will see it as an actuality rather than a belief.

Q: And a belief is something that you have to defend.

Q(2): No, my indignation was not me defending actual freedom, but was me expressing my feeling about what the Masters have been doing for all these years.

R: You will understand that this is a fair enough thing for you to go through for a few months ... until you are finished with it. You understand that you have a lot of ‘heart-strings’ attaching you to what you have believed in for all these years – you put your heart and soul into it, did you not? For what now ... was it eighteen years? You can not expect your self to just go: ‘Oh, I see.’ ... and be done with it immediately.

It can not go over-night, as it were, it does take some time to work your way through.