Actual Freedom – Selected Writings from Richard's Journal

There is a wide and wondrous path to actual freedom: One asks oneself, each moment again, ‘how am I experiencing this moment of being alive’? This gives rise to apperception. Apperception is the outcome of the exclusive attention paid to being alive right here and now. Apperception is to be the senses as a bare awareness, a pure consciousness experience (PCE) of the world as-it-is, which happens when the mind becomes aware of itself. Apperception is an awareness of consciousness. It is not ‘I’ being aware of ‘me’ being conscious; it is the mind’s awareness of itself.

The day finally dawns where the definitive moment of being here, right now, conclusively arrives; something irrevocable takes place and every thing and every body and every event is different, somehow, although the same physically; something immutable occurs and every thing and every body and every event is all-of-a-sudden undeniably actual, in and of itself, as a fact; something irreversible happens and an immaculate perfection and a pristine purity permeates every thing and every body and every event; something has changed forever, although it is as if nothing has happened, except that the entire world is a magical fairytale-like playground full of incredible gladness and a delight which is never-ending.

Put succinctly: ‘my’ demise was as fictitious as ‘my’ apparent presence; I have always been here, in this actual world of sensorial delight, one realises, for it was that ‘I’ only imagined ‘I’ existed; ‘my’ presence had been but an emotional/ passional play in a fertile imagination; an emotional/ passional play which fuelled actual hormonal substances, however, triggered off from within the brain-stem by the instinctual emotions/ passions bestowed per favour blind nature. Thus the psyche – the entire affective faculty born of the survival instincts themselves – is wiped out forever and one is finally what one has actually been all along: a sensitive and reflective flesh-and-blood body simply brimming with sense organs revelling in this sensuous world of immediate experience. As this flesh-and-blood body only one is this infinite, eternal, and perdurable universe experiencing itself as an apperceptive human being ... as such it is stunningly aware of its own infinitude. And this is truly wonderful.

Thus the search for meaning amidst the debris of the much-vaunted human hopes and dreams and schemes has come to its timely end. With the end of both ‘I’ and ‘me’, the distance or separation between both ‘I’ and ‘me’ and these sense organs – and thus the external world – disappears. To be living as the senses is to live a clear and clean awareness – apperception – a pure consciousness experience of the world as-it-is. Because there is no ‘I’ as a thinker (a little person inside one’s head) or a ‘me’ as a feeler (a little person in one’s heart) – to have sensations happen to them, I am the sensations. The entire affective faculty vanishes ... blind nature’s software package of instinctual passions is deleted. There is nothing except the series of sensations which happen ... not happening to an ‘I’ or a ‘me’ but just happening ... moment by moment ... one after another. To live life as these sensations, as distinct from having them, engenders the most astonishing sense of freedom and magic. Consequently, I am living in peace and tranquillity; a meaningful peace and tranquillity. Life is intrinsically purposeful, the reason for existence lies openly all around. Being this very air I live in, I am constantly aware of it as I breathe it in and out; I see it, I hear it, I taste it, I smell it, I touch it, all of the time. It never goes away – nor has it ever been away – it was just that ‘I’/‘me’ was standing in the way of the meaning of life being apparent.

Life is not a vale of tears. Richard’s Articles, A Précis of Actual Freedom

As I sit here now, I am well-pleased with life, the universe and with being a human being. I see that extracting myself from the Altered State Of Consciousness and finding out an alternative way of living, outside of any psychic consciousness at all, is the optimal choice, a freely selected way to live no matter how macabre and gruesome this transition phase is proceeding. I am experiencing it as an act of clear intelligence and sensible wisdom. I am utterly confident; it is the confidence which easily helped ‘me’ in those moments of guilt and panic about having wanted to dissolve the Altered State Of Consciousness and this current period of existential angst following the disintegration of the psyche. I am experiencing life from the vantage point of being a totally fascinated person … and a fascinated person is someone who can be extremely interesting to be with for those who dare. I do not experience myself to be the traitor I may appear to be in those other people’s eyes for no longer agreeing with their borrowed ‘wisdom’. This actual freedom is what is of the utmost importance. What a great privilege I have given myself to go this way … it is all so self-evidently excellent.

And I have the sure knowledge that my companion wanted me to be like this as much as ‘I’ wanted to. Richard’s Journal, 1997, Article Nine

Knowing myself – and the others – is not only a matter of time. Knowledge accrued over time can make one somewhat wiser, but time is not the progenitor of actual wisdom. Such knowledge is irrelevant to the actual knowing. The moment that ‘I’ as ego and ‘me’ as soul cease to exist, then the distance that was between ‘me’ and the real world – that psychological or psychic space created by the ‘me’ - vanishes along with the real world itself Then I am me as-I-am. This actual knowing is an experiential matter and only from the actual can total wisdom flow. An identity is always ignorant of actual knowing ... the actual cannot be arrived at by thought or feeling. It is a lived experience each moment again. Only when I am me as this flesh and blood body can I say that I know the actual. The actual is not to be confused with The Truth. The Enlightened Masters, who have lost their egos – and insist it to be the only way to live the Supreme Reality – are a good example of knowing The Truth, and declaring it to be the ultimate ‘wisdom’. <...>

‘I’ am not actual. When it is seen as a fact that ‘I’ am an identity as an ego or soul - self or Self – something profound occurs: ‘I’, no longer taken to be me as-I-am, disappear. Whereupon, finally I am me as this flesh and blood body only. When I am me as-I-am, there is no distance between me and the actual world of people, things and events ... all is open to view. I have arrived at my destiny.Richard’s Journal, 1997, Article Ten

Being me is not to be confused with any Religious, Spiritual and Mystical State Of Consciousness or any other Altered State Of Consciousness ... always spelled with a capital to denote Divinity. To become ‘Me’, the Divine ‘Being’, one must surrender; be it to a God, a Supreme, an Absolute or Whatever. This surrender is epitomised in the scriptural injunction ‘Not my will but Thy Will’. One surrenders one’s will and permits Divinity, in whatever form, to take responsibility for one’s life. Nobody seems to realise that this is a second surrender, because one is currently already in a state of surrender … it is called being ‘normal’, being ‘human’. One has to take one’s will back from the decrees of the real world, to which one has already surrendered, not surrender it yet again! The guiding principle to bear in mind is never, ever surrender. Not to anyone or anything at any time or anywhere. The ego and soul can disappear, never to reappear again, but this is not achieved through surrender. It is achieved through seeing just exactly what I am and just who ‘I’ is. Then will, no longer ego-driven or soul-ridden, can operate freely. The operation of will, freed of the encumbrance of identity, is called intelligence. To be me as-I-am is to be intelligent. It is not necessary to have a high I.Q. to be intelligent ... simply be me as this flesh and blood body.

The moment I saw the imprisonment, the aloneness, the corruption and the perversion within ‘myself’ and within every group ‘I’ have belonged to – and the price ‘I’ had paid in keeping all that is actual of me secret – the choice to remain an identity was no longer an option. I dissolved the Altered State Of Consciousness I was living in … I came to my senses. Of course I was going to be me as this body.

Being me as-I-am was my destiny. Richard’s Journal, 1997, Article Ten

‘Humanity’, which gave birth to ‘me’, was being sustained by ‘me’ remaining as a ‘being’. ‘I’ am forever fettered by the ‘Human Condition’. The species known as ‘humanity’ has searched for an Ultimate Fulfilment within the arena of the ‘Human Condition’ for all of history. Such a search is endless and futile, for it is a search within an illusion. Only further illusions – further states of ‘being’ – can be found there ... or delusions. Becoming Divine is a delusion … a state of ‘Being’ that is an insult to one’s native intelligence. ‘I’ will never find the ultimate fulfilment for ‘I’ am standing in the way of the ‘Mystery of Life’ being revealed. There is no way out, ‘I’ am doomed. ‘I’ must, inevitably, cease to ‘be’. Instead of bemoaning ‘my’ fate and vainly searching for an escape, ‘I’ can see ‘myself’ for what ‘I’ am. This seeing is the beginning of the ending of ‘me’. The extinction of ‘me’ is the ultimate sacrifice ‘I’ can make to ensure the possibility of peace-on-earth for not only me but for all humankind.

I find myself here, in the world as-it-is. A vast stillness lies all around, abounding with purity. Beneficence, an active kindness, overflows in all directions, imbuing everything with unimaginable fairytale-like quality. For me to be able to be here now at all was a blessing that only ‘I’ could grant, because nobody else could do it for me. I am full of admiration for the ‘me’ that dared to do such a thing. I owe all that I experience now to ‘me’. I salute ‘my’ audacity. And what an adventure it was ... and still is. These are the wondrous workings of the exquisite quality of life … who would have it any other way?

Ultimate fulfilment lies beyond extinction. Richard’s Journal, 1997, Article Fifteen

The reward for going to the very end of illusion and delusion is to emerge, unscathed, as the actual. The benefits of doing so are beyond price; to remove oneself from the invidious position of being betwixt sycophants and traducers, being one among many. The immediate bestowal of universal peace upon oneself is the benefit worthiest of acknowledgment. Yet, rewards and benefits notwithstanding, to have reached one’s destiny is to be of the ultimate service possible … the universe has been able to fulfil itself in a human being. Finally there is an intelligence operating unimpeded ... Blind Nature has been superseded. There is, most assuredly, not an Intelligence behind the universe, as is commonly supposed. To entertain such a notion is to commit the vulgar error of anthropomorphism. Intelligence abides only in humans … and the free operation of this intelligence is constantly being thwarted by the parasitical psychological or psychic entity known as ‘me’. ‘I’ am an entity, a ‘being’, a ‘presence’, a ‘spirit’ that interferes with the smooth running of life. ‘I’ create reality … and it is a grim and glum business to live in reality, with only scant moments of reprieve.

In a similar fashion, when ‘I’ escape from reality by realising ‘Myself’ – the second entity – ‘I’ create Reality. Then ‘I’ am a ‘Being’, a ‘Presence’, a ‘Spirit’ that presumes to have ‘The Solution’ to the problems of life on earth. ‘I’ hawk Love Agapé and Divine Compassion around the world as being the cure-all for the ills of humankind. Living in a hallucinatory state of Ineffable Bliss ‘I’ am driven by ‘That’, the psychic Power and Authority behind the throne, to solicit emissaries, in the shape of disciples, to spread ‘My’ Word, ‘My’ Message, ‘My’ Teaching. Little do ‘I’ realise the bloody ramifications of starting yet another Religion, so convinced am ‘I’ of the Healing Power of Love Agapé and Divine Compassion. Somehow, mesmerised by the spell-binding charm of ‘My’ subliminal Divine status, ‘I’ do not bother to study the historic records, detailing the bloodshed and horrors of the Religious Wars that have come in the wake of ‘My’ predecessors: the Awakened Ones from the most Ancient of Ancients. Somehow ‘I’ am blinded by the Glory, the Glamour and the Glitz of the Supernatural Promise – never fulfilled – and fail to see the Diabolical sub-stratum that is essential to support ‘My’ lofty position. ‘I’ am impervious to the common-sense critique ... intelligence is thwarted once again, this time by the second entity.

I am not an identity, I am this body. I am not metaphysical, I am physical. I am not real, I am actual. Richard’s Journal, 1997, Article Twenty-Six

To unilaterally relinquish one’s esteemed identity is to go in the face of all received ‘wisdom’. Any psychiatrist would readily advise against such a foolish move ... they will state that one would fall into a condition of mental and emotional ill-health. They would diagnose that one is likely to suffer from a severe mental disorder known as ‘Depersonalisation’ – with its accompanying anxiety and panic attacks – resulting in the prescribing of anti-psychotropic medication and prolonged psychological counselling. To lose one’s identity is considered a very serious psychiatric illness indeed. So one must proceed carefully – with the indispensable aid of pure intent – in order to dismantle, step by step, one’s accrued identity. It is important to examine all the beliefs – masquerading as ‘truths’ – that one has accumulated since birth. These beliefs support and encourage the emergence of the much-prized psychological or psychic entity inhabiting the psyche of all human beings. This apparent disembowelment is initially resisted, for not only has it never been contemplated before, it also goes against the egocentric, ethnocentric and anthropocentric mind-sets that all humans have been endowed with since time immemorial. It is a radical break with the past ... something akin to an evolutionary mutation, so personally seditious is its revolutionary opening gambit.

In order to mutate from the self-centred licentiousness to a self-less sensualism, one must have confidence in the ultimate beneficence of the universe. This confidence – this surety – can be gained from a pure consciousness experience, wherein ‘I’, the psychological entity, temporarily ceases to exist. Life is briefly seen to be already perfect and innocent ... it is a life-changing experience. One is physically experiencing first-hand, albeit momentarily, this actual world – a spontaneously benevolent world – that antedates the normal world. The normal world is commonly known as the real world or reality. Repeated peak experiences can be brought about on virtually a daily basis with constant application of pure contemplation. In pure contemplation, ‘I’ cease seeing and seeing takes place of its own accord. Then this actual world – this benign world – that the real world was superimposed over, becomes apparent ... except that ‘I’ am not here to experience it.

‘I’ can never be here now in this actual world for ‘I’ am an interloper, an alien in psychic possession of the body. ‘I’ do not belong here. All this is impossible to imagine which is why it is essential to be confident that the actual world does exist. This confidence is born out of knowing, which is derived from the PCE, and is an essential ingredient to ensure success. One does not have to generate confidence oneself – as the religions require of one with regard to their blind faith – the purity of the actual world bestows this confidence upon one. The experience of purity is a benefaction. Out of this blessing comes pure intent, which will consistently guide one through the travails of daily life, gently ushering in an increasing ease and generosity of character. With this growing magnanimity, one becomes more and more anonymous, more and more self-less. With this expanding altruism one becomes less and less self-centred, less and less egocentric. Eventually the moment comes wherein something definitive happens, physically, inside the brain and ‘I’ am nevermore. ‘Being’ ceases – it was only a psychic apparition anyway – and war is over, forever, in one human being. Richard’s Journal, 1997, Article Nineteen

Apperception is the mind’s perception of itself … it is a bare awareness. Normally the mind perceives through the senses and sorts the data received according to its predilection; but the mind itself remains unperceived ... it is taken to be unknowable. Apperception happens when the ‘who’ inside abdicates its throne and a pure awareness occurs. This is called a pure consciousness experience. This peak experience is as if I have eyes in the back of my head; there is a three hundred and sixty degree awareness and all is self-evidently clear. This is knowing by direct experience, unmediated by any ‘who’ whatsoever. I am able to see that the ‘who’ of me has been standing in the way of the perfection and purity that is the essential character of myself becoming apparent. Here a solid and irrefutable native intelligence can operate freely; by negating the ‘thinker’ and the ‘feeler’ … calenture disappears entirely in apperceptive awareness. I am the universe’s experience of itself as a human being ... after all, the very stuff this body is made of is the very stuff of the universe. There is no ‘outside’ to the perfection of the universe to come from; I only instinctually felt and thought that I was a separate identity. Richard’s Journal, 1997, Article Thirty-Three

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Here is an actual freedom from the Human Condition, surpassing Spiritual Enlightenment and any other Altered State Of Consciousness, and challenging all philosophy, psychiatry, metaphysics (including quantum physics with its mystic cosmogony), anthropology, sociology ... and any religion along with its paranormal theology. Discarding all of the beliefs that have held humankind in thralldom for aeons, the way has now been discovered that cuts through the ‘Tried and True’ and enables anyone to be, for the first time, a fully free and autonomous individual living in utter peace and tranquillity, beholden to no-one.

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