May 22 2026

CLAUDIU: Actualism is quite a wonderful thing

What a contrast to what it would otherwise be, for them to be smart or to accomplish this or that or be financially or romantically successful or have kids of their own or … this way it really simplifies and avoids any and all of those pitfalls of wishes or desires I’d have for him.

VINEETO: Hi Claudiu,

Congratulations for having become a father of a “1-month old son” now. It is not only exciting but also a significant change in your life, as you already indicated that you are now thinking about his future and what would be best for him.

Setting your priorities for him to “enjoy and appreciate being alive” can be much fun for you and your partner as well.

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In regards to “I’d rather put it that sorrow is the flip-side of malice” in another thread is correct in that both malice and sorrow are intrinsically connected and constitute what is known as ‘The Human Condition’.

Richard: Malice and sorrow are intrinsically connected and constitute what is known as ‘The Human Condition’. (…)

Respondent: The ending of sorrow is love.

Richard: If I may point out? The ending of sorrow is not love ... sorrow is essential for compassion to flourish; without compassion, love has no genesis. Therefore, the ending of sorrow would result in love being stillborn ... and love is the antidote for malice.

Without malice, love has no raison d’être. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 74c, 27 April 2005).

However, I always liked how Richard explained “root cause of sorrow” – it clarifies why sorrow is such a ubiquitous feeling reaction in all sorts of situations in life (frustrated love, frustrated desires, resentment in general, repressed anger, unresolved fear, including depression and suicide) –

Richard: It is pertinent to note, at this point, that the root cause of sorrow – and, hence, malice (e.g., the ‘basic resentment’ above) – is being forever locked-out of paradise[1]. (Richard, List D, No. 4b, 4 July 2015).

[1] For example:

• [Richard]: It is more than likely that ‘the need to belong’ arises from the herd instinct – gregariousness runs deep – with layer upon layer of socialisation compounding this primal urge. (...). There is more to it than the hereditarily programmed gregarian urge, of course, as the basic instinctual passions in general, such as fear and aggression and nurture and desire, automatically form themselves into a feeling ‘being’ ... which is who ‘I’ am at root (‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being is ‘being’ itself). And any ‘me’ (an inchoate ‘presence’ or rudimentary survival ‘self’ as it were) is an alien identity forever locked-out of paradise (the source of sorrow, by the way, but that is another story) desiring validation from all the other alien identities. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 42, 29 April 2003).

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• [Richard]: (...) so too is it eminently possible for a thinking, reflective human being to flourish, in pure delight and enjoyment on this magical paradise that this verdant and azure planet already is, sans the affective faculty. (...). And this is marvellous.

• [Respondent № 33]: Richard, what can one do to get there?

• [Richard]: As I said (above): this comes with the extinction of ‘self’ in its entirety (‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being ... which is ‘being’ itself) which altruistic action enables this always existing purity and perfection into being apparent for the remainder of one’s life. Noble ‘self’-sacrifice, in other words ... a philanthropic gift to humankind.

• [Respondent № 33]: Can one really get there (i.e., be free of the affective faculties)?

• [Richard]: Yes, for it is one’s birthright and destiny ... but ‘I’/‘me’ can never, ever be here: actuality is so pristine that nothing ‘dirty’ can get in. ‘I’/‘me’ is forever locked-out of this always existing purity and perfection ... hence the ubiquitous sorrow which epitomises life in the ‘real world’. (Richard, List B, No. 33d, 15 May 2001).

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• [Respondent № 21]: (...) the suffering in the world is caused by malice and the resulting sorrow.

• [Richard]: (...) sorrow is not the result of malice; it is because ‘you’ are – by ‘your’ very nature – forever cut-off from the magnificence of being here now at this moment in eternal time and this place in infinite space. That is, ‘you’ cannot know the purity of the perfection of the infinitude of this very material universe. (Richard, List B, No. 21a, 16 November 1998).

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Claudiu7, 22 May 2026).

September 13 2026

JAMES: My ex-wife died yesterday which has brought up feelings of love and sadness. This has led me to look at “I am my feelings and my feelings are me.” To me this means ‘I’ am my feelings and my feelings are ‘me’. It is the ‘I’ and the ‘me’. That is who I am as long as I have this feeler and am not actually free.

I can’t go back to her this time because she is not there so I’m left with the feelings which are not a fact. .

VINEETO: Hi James,

Since you have already said good-bye to your ex-wife several times before in order to be finished with the feeling of love, perhaps the quote below might give you additional inspiration to overcome the sorrow of her final departure.

Also, you do not “have this feeler” you are the feeler.

RESPONDENT: What do you say to your grandchildren when they are hurt, desolate, crying?

RICHARD: I say the same to my grandchildren when they are hurt, desolate or crying as I say to any body and every body – no body is special – which is: all mental-emotional-psychic suffering is an unnecessary and self-inflicted wound. Any mental-emotional-psychic viciousness on the part of another, first and foremost, lies in the heart of the ‘giver’ and inevitably turns in on itself as existential sorrow. Thus, in the final analysis, it is the ‘giver’ who suffers the most intimately. As for the ‘receiver’ of any nastiness, it is entirely up to them what they do with it ... apart from physical brutality, no-one can force their cruelty on another without the other’s acquiescence and compliance. (Richard, General Correspondence, Page 9a, 21 May 2000).

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, James3, 13 Septe,ber 2026).