Actual Freedom – Audio-Taped Dialogues

Q(1): I was talking with someone the other night about the search for the meaning of life. To search for the meaning of ‘why’ it all is, you would have to be outside of it all. You’d have to be outside of the universe to get the picture of what it is ... this is to look at ‘The Meaning of Life’ in the traditional sense. That is: ‘Why are we here?’ and: ‘Who started it?’ But if you look at it as: this is it – and there is nothing else, no ‘outside’ – then the whole question evaporates. Also, if there was an ‘outside’, those who got to that mythical ‘outside’ would have to still question. Why are they here – outside – and what is this ‘outside’ made up off? You end up with infinite regress.

R: A lot of people who listen to me – and realise, if only in part, what I am saying – ask me: ‘Have you discovered the meaning to life?’. I say yes as it is the obvious answer ... and I can stand fully behind my ‘yes’ because when one is living in the purity of the perfection of being here at this moment in time – and there is only ever this moment – then one experiences the infinitude of this physical universe as an actuality. That is: no beginning or end to either space or time. This is difficult to understand intellectually – as a concept – because the is more to infinitude than beginningless and endless space and time. When one lives this moment, one is experiencing the answer to that question.

If someone is to ask me for a verbal description of this meaning, I sometimes tell them that they are neither going to be satisfied with an intellectual answer – for they must receive it as a concept – nor is the mystery to be divulged so easily. Find out for yourself! Besides, it is much more fun – and a genuine adventure – to seek and to find, to explore and uncover, to dig and discover. Then one knows the answer by living the explanation, each moment again ... simply by being here. For to ask the question: ‘why are we here?’ and look for a thought-out answer, one may very well ask ‘why is the universe?’. One might as well answer: ‘Why not?’. If the universe was not here, then what would be here instead? Nothing? But we have no idea what nothing is without a ‘something’ to know it by ... hence the universe is necessary for that concept. Ergo, the universe must be here – there cannot not be a universe.

This is where philosophers get caught by their own logic. Because there is a ‘something’ – the universe – there can be a concept of a ‘nothing’ ... but it is only a concept. ‘Nothing’ does not exist as an actuality ... hence eastern philosophy, with their concept of ‘Nothingness’ and ‘The Void’ and ‘Emptiness’ is nothing but that ... a concept. That they are then able to experience it as a psychic adumbration is nothing short of institutionalised insanity. The mind creates a fantasy, then yearns to live in it ... and a rare few do! It is amazing, because there is no ‘nothing’; there is no ‘outside’ to this universe ... it is infinite and eternal.

Q(1): So, in the philosophical sense there is no answer to the question?

R: No. If I was to be strictly correct when somebody asks ‘why are we here?’, I would say: ‘Because the universe exists’. Next logical question: ‘Why does the universe exist?’. Answer: ‘Because it is here’. It is a ‘given’, as they say in scientific circles. These are not satisfying answers to an intellect eager for a convincing conceptual answer, are they? However, they are burning questions – and a burning question demands an answer. All those years ago, back when I was a self, an identity, those questions burned ... and drove ‘me’ to find an experiential answer. ‘What is the meaning of life?’, ‘What is the purpose of existence?’, ‘What are we here for?’, ‘What is the secret?’, ‘What is the mystery?’, ‘There must be more to life than this.’ Those questions burned in ‘me’, giving ‘me’ the drive necessary to proceed; first of all into the ‘unknown’ and then into the ‘unknowable’. Then I ‘arrived’ here, devoid of identity and self, and now I am experiencing the answer. I am living the answer.

So it is not so much that the question evaporates but that one lives the answer. Then that answer can be stated as: ‘I am the universe experiencing itself as a sensate, reflective human being’. This is as if I am the universe looking around and saying to itself: ‘Oh what a marvelous thing I am’. This is being a trifle poetic, of course, yet it is my experience of being here. And is it not all marvelous? Is it not wonderful ... all this? Is it not amazing that all this is happening?

Q(1): Given that we are a part of the universe ... like this finger tip is part of the body ...

R: Unfortunately, that analogy does not hold too well as the finger can not think and reflect upon its situation – which is the important thing of being human. The universe has somehow managed to produce for itself a thinking creature that can consider the situation and reflect upon itself. The universe can look at itself as a human.

Q(1): From the inside. By being a part of the universe.

R: No, I can not buy that one of: ‘I am a part of the universe’. I am the universe experiencing itself. I am not some small – therefore insignificant – part of the greater, the whole.

Q(1): I am the same stuff of the universe.

R: Yes, the same stuff ... the very same stuff. There is no separation, which ‘being a part’ implies. To say that one’s relationship to the universe is akin to the relationship between the finger and the entire body is predicated upon separation. Besides, the finger-tip cannot consider, think and reflect. Only the brain can do that. Therefore, in that analogy, the relationship betwixt the finger and the brain amounts to nothing more than ‘my’ relationship with some god. That god – ‘my’ brain – is the centre of the universe, and ‘I’ – as the finger – am on the periphery getting a look-in ... if ‘I’ am so graced.

For me there is no separation between the finger-tip and the brain. The finger-tip is the brain on stalks and I do not locate myself ‘out here’. To locate yourself somewhere – out on the finger-tip – is to separate oneself out from some perceived ‘whole’. You see, I do not locate myself anywhere in relation to the universe, because there is nowhere in particular to be. When one realise that being here is to be nowhere in particular, then here is anywhere at all ... this is what infinite and eternal means. Now – and I have no wish to appear mystical – anywhere at all amounts to everywhere all at once.

Q(1): Mmm.

R: Put it this way: I am sitting here, on this couch. I can locate this body, locally, in reference to these walls; I am one metre from this one and three metres from that one and so on. The boundaries of this room give me a location, a position, a place in space. The physical infinity of the universe has no boundaries, so we are not ‘somewhere’ in relation to some edge. There is no edges to the universe, so there is no place ‘inside’ of ‘something’ – like this room – to be. The nature of infinitude is that to be anywhere is to be everywhere all at once, for time comes into it. Time, being eternal, has no beginning and no end. Therefore there is no middle. Just as there is no centre to the infinity of space, there is no middle in time. We locate ourselves in time, locally, in reference to yesterday and tomorrow. With infinitude, there are no reference points at all ... either in space or in time.

So if one says: ‘I am here. In infinitude, I could equally be there or there’ Now I am pointing to places in this room. Take the walls away, and this location does not mean anything. Therefore the phrase ‘anywhere at all’ gives the sense of a place in space and a moment in time ... which is purely local. The actual experience of the infinitude of space and time is to be ‘everywhere all at once’, because all time and all space are right here ... and right now. There is nowhere else but here and no time but now. Anywhere is everywhere and everywhere is anywhere. It does not make sense to use local words to describe infinitude ... because it can not be done. It is a misnomer. To extrapolate from the local – which is the relative – to the entirety – which is the absolute – is a mistake, an error in judgment.

It is conceptual thinking predicated upon there being a boundary, a limit to space and time. ‘I’, being a centre, create those boundaries, those limits.

Q(1): So, being able to ... to ... you see, I’ve never experienced that. Well, I may have experienced it but I have never ... I’ve never ...

R: ... never experienced it for long enough to cogitate upon it?

Q(1): Yes. My experiences have been brief.

R: I have had, of course, plenty of time to explore the ramifications and implications of being here ...

Q(1): It’s never been something I have thought about ... contemplated ...

R: But have you ever experienced – generally with a mounting sense of panic – that there are no limits?

Q(1): I’ve experienced a vastness – the vastness of space.

R: An ever-expanding vastness?

Q(1): Yes.

R: That is the centre in operation. It expands to be all of everything – and endlessly expanding to ...

Q(1): What do you mean?

R: Once again that is self-centred conceptual thinking ‘I am the vastness’ translates into ‘I am god’ ... all-expansive, all-embracing and all-encompassing. The universe is not expanding – it is already complete. It is incredibly still. The universe is not moving at all. Objects like stars and planets are moving – in relation to each other – but the universe is not. Otherwise one gets into what cosmologists do with their ‘Big Bang’ theory of the edges of the universe receding. And into what the mystics do with their ever-expanding vastness. It amounts to the same thing ... and it comes from the self as the centre of all existence.

Whereas the experience of the infinitude of space and time is of an utter stillness. There is no movement.

Q(1): Well, I’ve experienced stillness ... or silence.

R: Silence is usually when the mind stops worrying and puzzling away ... and the emotions and passion cease agitating and churning. What is that popular song? ‘The Sounds of Silence?’. I have experienced sound as coming out of silence ... but one needs to be wary here for it is almost mandatory to go into ‘Movement coming out of Stillness’, ‘Light coming out of Darkness’ ... one is starting to get into a ‘Primary Cause’ as in a ‘Creator’. You know: ‘Something comes out of Nothing’ – and all that.

Now, I do not hesitate to say that there is a stillness that is the source of everything. With that statement I wish to convey that infinitude is utterly still; there is no movement at all. There is no ‘rushing’ as in going somewhere – or coming from anywhere. The ‘edges’ of the universe are not ‘rushing’ out into nothingness at the speed of light or whatever.

However, I fail to see how anyone can grasp all this as a concept.

Q(1): Grasp infinity?

R: Yes, and eternity. Infinitude is the boundlessness of space and time.

Q(1): Well, I’ve been trained in spatial thinking because of my profession. What I am starting to understand is this thing about ‘outside’. There is no outside to the universe. The whole thinking process is based on there being an ‘outside’. I am starting to use it almost like a mantra: ‘There is no outside’.

R: If you do keep that going – as a mantra-type phrase – constantly realising that there is no edges, no boundaries, no ‘outside’, you will come to realise there is no middle, no centre. This is what ‘you’ are ... as a ‘self’.

Q(1): Yes, I can see the ... that’s what it gets back to. If I am thinking in terms of my ‘self’ then I have to be the centre.

R: Yes. ‘You’ are the centre of your world ... project that and ‘you’ are the centre of the universe ... translated into ‘I am the Centre of all Existence’ ... which is but one step away from ‘realising’ that ‘I’ am ‘The Creative Source’ – as in: ‘I am God’.

When ‘I’ disappear in all ‘my’ entirety, then being here – as this body only – is to experience now as being everywhere all at once ... but not omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent and all that. That is the delusory ‘I’ born out of the illusory ‘I’. To contemplate being here in space and now in time as being everywhere all at once is where conceptual thinking breaks down. But it is useful inasmuch as one can disabuse oneself of the notion that there is a centre. Then, when the centre is seen for what it is – an illusion or a delusion – it vanishes. Then one understands infinity and eternity ... the infinitude of time and space. Understanding the infinity of space helps the understanding of the eternity of time.

Q(1): I understand the eternity of time better than the infinity of space.

R: Do you? Oh, well let us go along with that, then. For it amounts to the same thing: if you understand one then the other falls into place. I usually talk with people about space for my experience has shown that people have weird notions about time. People can grasp the ‘no edges’ bit about space better than the ‘no beginning’ and the ‘no ending’ to time concept. What do you understand about time?

Q(1): I would say that the concept of there being a beginning or an end to be irrelevant to me living in this moment. Now I can ... I guess I can see that ‘I’ am made up out of past time and future time. Right? I can understand that I am less attached as ‘me’ as the past as to what ‘I’ am going to do in the future. And I experience what is happening in the moment ... and I look at some kind of thing that I might do tomorrow and think about it ... and tomorrow I am aware of what I thought about it then I can see that thinking about it is totally irrelevant to what is actually happening right now. I am experiencing that moment as it comes along.

R: Yes, because ‘tomorrow’ is simply some planning that we need to do in regards to going somewhere or doing something. That plan is not actual until it happens ... however people make it real by believing that they exist as a continuum over time. You see, where is that future ‘you’ as a reality in tomorrow – as an actuality – if you have a heart attack and die in the next five minutes? Reality is not actuality. Until the moment is actually happening, that ‘you’ does not exist.

Of course we plan and anticipate – and it is very correct to do that in order to operate and function successfully – but that ‘you’ who is going to do that which is planned does not exist as an actuality right now. If there is a heart attack, the tomorrow ‘you’ will never exist. So what is the continuity made up of? This matter of death is so important to understand, for essentially there is no tomorrow. Tomorrow is about as far away as the star system Pleiades is to me ... and about as real. Years ago, when I first experienced the non-being of a future, my stomach gulped in apprehension of non-existence. How would I operate and function if there is no future as a reality – and with no ‘me’ in it – and only a void ahead of one? I called it ‘living at the cutting-edge of reality’ back then. There was panic at the abyss ahead ... I experienced it as a stepping into a ‘nothing’.

Even now, when I consider what is going to happen after you leave here later and I eventually go to bed and to sleep for the night ... it is not here ... it does not exist. That future – which I know from past experience will happen – has no hold on me as a reality. There is, as it were, an empty nothingness to my future ... which is where the mystics go astray in regard to their understanding of the ultimate nature of all existence. It is all to do with the limitlessness of infinitude – which is what infinity and eternity actually mean. Anything is conceivably possible in the potentiality of boundlessness and this realisation can initially lead to that mounting sense of panic that I referred to earlier. It implies an unreliability. For the future does not actually exist ... it is yet to happen. What will become of ‘me’? ‘I’ am important – in that ‘I’ am needed – in order to steer this body along the correct path ... or so ‘I’ think and feel.

You see, ‘my’ presence reassures ‘me’ that ‘the future’ exists as a reality ... therefore rendering it reliable in the sense of a continuity. Whereas, in actuality, only this moment exists. There is no pre-arranged future laid out just waiting to happen – which does not mean that now arises out of nothing – for it is always now; it does not arise out of anything ... it is already here. Now is already always here, happening as an actuality which we can not get away from. There can not be a future. Otherwise, everything would have to be pre-determined and that means we are fated to just live it out according to the ‘Grand Plan’. This happening called now can not ‘go wrong’ in an ultimate sense for infinitude is perfect – by definition – and nothing needs to be mapped-out in advance as a ‘Grand Scheme’. The universe does not know what is going to happen next!

Q(1): Pre-determination also means: ‘Who is pre-determining it?’

R: Yes. Because it is perfect the universe can ‘do its thing’ with absolute certainty. We can rely upon its certainty through memory, which is the history of events, and see that there is a consistency to events. The sun rises each morning and sets each evening. That is reliable, and we can make plans accordingly. If the sun did not rise tomorrow we would not be alive to know that it did not. Therefore, there is dependability born out of the perfection. Ultimately nothing can go wrong – and this is where security lies. I could break a leg or get a disease, which causes discomfort, but it is not an indication that life is ‘going wrong’.

This is the peculiar part about an actual freedom. Utter security. The absolute certainty that nothing can go wrong in an ultimate sense brings completion. This is perfection ... but not in the human concept of perfection. For them perfection means disease-free.

Q(1): In that end point, my conceptual thinking of ‘perfect’ is ... at this moment I experience life as wonderful ... but I find myself thinking, that when push comes to shove, does that mean that it’s conditional upon being healthy?

R: Look, if I was to wind up in a wheel-chair, or blind, or whatever, I would find myself enjoying the whole thing. Because it would be an actuality to be lived ... and sitting here hale and healthy, one finds it is an impossibility to contemplate a disease-ridden life. Of course I have no desire to be diseased; but if it happened then I would live it with the same peace and serenity born out of that utter security that I live life with now. Merely in a different way; a way appropriate to the changed circumstances. Which is what we are all already doing, as our life moves along, anyway.

So it is a different perfection to the normal human concept of perfection ... but what a relief it is. Everything is already perfect ‘I’ just did not understand that it was ‘me’ standing in the way. When ‘I’ did, ‘I’ disappeared and I became apparent. Then it was seen that universal perfection is always here. The human concept of perfection is best summed up in that adage: ‘Cleanliness is next to Godliness’. The universe has another perfection than that one! And its perfection is amazing, for I can still get a fever ... a dose of the ‘flu, for example, wherein all my bones are aching and the throat ... just terrible discomfort ... yet I still experience life as perfect. Of course, if a cure for a disease can be found ... and if we can put an end to war, murder, torture, rape, domestic violence, corruption and so on, so much the better. But it does not alter the perfection of being here, at this moment in time, experiencing the infinitude of the universe as-it-is.

We can improve upon blind nature’s instinctual living and consciously live in perfection.