Actual Freedom – Mailing List ‘D’ Correspondence

Re: Relationship ‘Infidelity’ and Actualism

RESPONDENT: Hello All, I’ve been reading much about ‘Living Together’ and ‘Love’ on the AF site, but I haven’t come across much about relationship infidelity. Can anyone point me in the right direction, and/or add their thoughts?

RICHARD: G’day No. 21, First, some essential background info:

• [Respondent]: I’m a 27 year old white male ... (8011, 7.12.09).

And:

• [Respondent]: ... in regards to my girlfriend ... (7979, 6.12.09).

Unless you are either currently being unfaithful or intending to/being tempted to, or your girlfriend currently is or is intending to/being tempted to, then your query, being academic, will lack the impetus so essential to uncovering and discovering whatever it is which motivates such infidelity.

For instance, in the early years of my first marriage – about three years after the wedding and with two young children – my first wife was unfaithful big-time (I only found out about it from one of her many men informing me, in an alcoholic state which made him spill the beans, that I was being cuckolded by about thirteen different men who lived in the same apartment block).

Now, this is where it gets very interesting (hence my ‘impetus’ observation above): upon asking her about it, citing that particular man’s drunken confession as evidence and getting her confirmation, I found that I could only admire her for having the courage to do the very same as I had often so wanted to do but did not dare to like she was doing.

In other words, all I had to do was look into myself – rather than quiz her endlessly to get at the roots of her infidelity – to see why being unfaithful is such a common occurrence.

‘Tis as simple as that.

Regards, Richard.

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