PETER: Hello Gary,

I know Richard used the term in his journal but I think the word mentor has too many fuzzy connotations for our use. I guess it stems from the current local fashion of SNAGS to use the word mentor in running groups for teenage boys whereupon they are instilled with all sorts of moral values and ethical codes. Vineeto and I had a good mull over an appropriate word to use that would be free of social/spiritual preconditioning. One way is to invent a new unique word but this sort of spluttered out, so we have come up with two new terms for consideration.

GARY: While I don’t know what SNAGS is, the word ‘mentoring’ has certainly acquired negative connotations, as I pointed out previously. Mentoring programs are starting up all over the place here in the US, and I have heard young people say in no uncertain terms that they are sick of being ‘mentored’. Were I young again myself, I would be too.

PETER: SNAG means ‘sensitive new age guy’ over on this part of the planet. As such mentoring has a connotation of teaching what is currently fashionable – the feel-good over-indulgence in the supposedly good passions and the well-meaning but misguided infliction of moral standards and ethical values by similarly inflicted people.

Given that actualism is such a radically different process than this, I simply want to try avoiding any possible misconceptions as much as possible.

*

PETER: Firstly, the proposal is to use the term ‘experienced actualist’ for someone who is virtually happy and harmless, i.e. someone whose intelligence is no longer fettered by personal instinctual passions. As such, having a conversation or interaction with such a person would be of great benefit for someone interested in actualism and who is seeking a sensible conversation, clarity, direction and evidence. Vineeto and I certainly fit this description. Secondly, the proposal is to use the term ‘expert actualist’ for someone who is totally free from the Human Condition, à la Richard.

This may seem over simple and pragmatic, but given the human propensity for over-complexity and ambiguity, these labels then allow others to freely make use of another actualist, and their level of expertise, in any way that is mutually appropriate.

This definition also ensures it is a fairly simple business to debunk any pretenders, clip-oners or wannabes – they plainly have to exhibit a clarity of thinking, an absence of instinctual malice and sorrow and, most tellingly, show that it works by the down-to-earth demonstrable living of actualism in the world of people, things and events.

GARY: Well, it seems that the idiom of actualism is still developing then. I have no objection whatsoever to what you are proposing. It seems to me that for someone such as myself, new to actualism, there might be a need to interact or converse more closely with an ‘experienced actualist’. I am greatly reluctant to say follow, rely, or be guided by, as again I think we get back to the whole issue of depending on others’ authority. One must be extremely careful about depending on anyone else for advice or guidance. I think sometimes when I feel myself getting in over my head, I want to depend on someone else, and at that time I may look a little more closely at what people are saying to me.

I found myself in much the same situation and resisted my strong instinct to respond in a counter-defensive mode in a particular work type situation. I was then reminded of Vineeto’s use of the phrase ‘storm in a tea-cup’ (ha, ha!) and had to regard the whole thing as an excellent example of making ‘mountains out of molehills’, and could look at the situation with humour and good cheer.

PETER: Aye, actualism is in its very infancy in terms of numbers and impact and, given that actualism is the use of a method on the path to Actual Freedom, there will inevitably be a bit of refining, polishing in response to questions of those who are following on the path. So far only three have written defining the method, the path and the goal of actualism and no doubt much more will be communicated and written by others over the years which will help to ‘trample the long grass’ so as to make the path easier for those who are following them. We are at the very cutting edge, the coal face, of an evolutionary leap that will bring an end to animal instinctual survival passions in the primate species. A mutation that will eventuate in the species living together on this paradisiacal planet in utter peace and complete harmony, and the longed for dream will be actualized. Not that I’m holding my breath, for this to happen for it is impossible to speculate a time period but it is excellent to be a fore-runner, to have all my dreams come true and much, much more. There is an abundance, a literal cornucopia of sensual delight to be had in the actual world and in this sensual delight is also included the pleasures of thinking, planning, reflecting and interacting with one’s fellow human beings.

*

PETER: Again at the risk of seeming over pedantic, you are on your own in this exercise, which is exactly what makes the process so thrilling. Nobody but you can journey into your psyche, nobody but you knows what is the next thing you have to do, the next vital issue to be faced. I have no special perception, or sense of what is going on, other than what you report and all I, or any other experienced or expert actualist, can do is pass on knowledge, experience and technique – the most valuable of information, for it is all factual.

GARY: No problem. I can see now why you say so. In order to demolish the social identity, one has to stand on one’s own two feet and sit in the fears that come up rather than rely on the easy way out. I can see now why ‘nerves of steel’ are required, and that this path is not for the weak of heart. You have done this difficult work for yourself, Peter, and so I think you are in an excellent position to offer your expertise.

PETER: What always carries you beyond fear is the sense of adventure, the very aliveness of the process, the serendipitous events and the sheer thrill of the ride of lifetime. There is nothing more thrilling than actual freedom.

*

PETER: I like the term ‘to let one’s guard down’. It addresses the issue of one’s instinctual survival program, it requires an active naiveté, and it allows one to experience firstly one’s personal psychological and emotional programming and then to experience the collective psychological and emotional programming of the human species. It beats spiritual vulnerability by a two country miles for the spiritual people retreat inwards and create a protective bubble around themselves in order to be ‘present’ in the world. To let one’s guard down is to be considered insane by both real world and spiritual world viewpoints, which is why neither will understand what you are doing – but that is simply the way it is for all pioneers.

GARY: I like the expression too. I took a definite risk lately and spoke my mind plainly on something that was troubling me about my work. It involved challenging a supervisor on a particular practice. I knew I was sticking my neck out quite a bit but I said ‘what the hell’ and did it anyway. It would have been the safe thing to avoid the controversy, but I could not. I was definitely swimming against the stream, but I am glad now I did it. I stuck to my guns in the matter and saw the supervisor react in a defensive and arbitrary mode. The old Gary would have played it safe and been humbly obedient, following the suggestions of the Wise One. I can’t go back to that now.

PETER: The expression I heard Richard use was to ‘keep your hands in your pockets’, meaning be wary of doing something you may regret while in the midst this period of psychological and psychic turmoil. The process can be very confusing and disorienting for one is demolishing one’s own spiritual/ social and one’s instinctual identity – something any good psychiatrist would warn you against and something your priests and Gurus will utterly condemn as being evil. It may be useful to ask questions such as – am I trying to change the other, am I blaming the other, is my reaction considered and considerate or is it thoughtless instinctual? One’s own interactions with others provide a literal goldmine of valuable information as to how the human psyche is socially and instinctually programmed.

*

PETER: No apologies necessary Gary, on the contrary. We are all in this actualism business for the first time and we are plotting the course for ourselves and others as we go. The recent discussions about the difference between affective spiritual experiences and pure self-less experiences was a case in point where we were all becoming clearer in communicating and more concise in our terminology. The same thing is now happening around the term mentor and I like the aliveness and immediacy of this pioneering business. It’s one of the side benefits of pioneering – you get to write the journals and tweak them as appropriate. I have really enjoyed this conversation and the associated contemplations and await your comments on our suggested terms.

GARY: Yes ... it is pleasing to discuss these very important things. It is a heady experience to be out there on one’s own, and I am sometimes tempted to beat a path for a safe shore, but I have to stay the course and ‘hang in there’. Nice talking.

PETER: The very purpose of this mailing list is to be able to connect with other-like minded human beings who are interested in becoming free of malice and sorrow, who have experience on the path or who are actually free of malice and sorrow. This world-wide instantaneous communication is available to us to share experiences, swap stories, dispense and gather information ... and have fun.

Actualism is, by its very nature, a subversive path as it is considered insanity by real world standards and evil by spiritual world standards. This is not a popular movement for it flies in the face of all the perceived wisdoms of Humanity and all of one’s basic instincts. Yet the path to freedom is indeed both wide – one cannot go astray if one’s intent is pure – and wondrous – one has the most thrilling journey a modern human can have, a journey into one’s own psyche armed with a dust pan and broom in order to sweep away one’s peer-ental conditioning, as well as blind nature’s programming.

This is the only game to play in town simply because it is actual and happening as I type these very words and as you read these very words. It is so excellent to be here on this delightful, ambrosial, life-filled planet communicating with someone who is vitally interested in becoming free of malice and sorrow. Nice talking to you.

31.10.2000

PETER: Well it’s been quite a while since I’ve written. I have been full-on into learning an architectural CAD program for the last 2 weeks. I had a bit of experience drawing with a simple CAD program recently but I was tempted into purchasing a wiz bang purpose-designed program capable of producing 3D images as well as the full architectural range of drawings, schedules and documentation. So I am now involved in a radical re-training – throwing away all of my old drawing skills and experience and learning new cutting edge computer skills. I found myself often asking ‘what have I done’, ‘why am I doing this’, ‘why not stay with my old skills’, ‘why’?

The only answer that came was ... ‘because I am’. I am not being cute, but in thinking over the many changes that have happened in my lifetime – this was the only answer I ever managed to come up with. Whatever the change, the choice was always towards betterment – away from the old and familiar, the safe and secure, and towards the fresh and unknown, the adventurous and risky. Not that I ever sat down and calmly weighed up the pros and cons, for if I did I would never have done half the things I did. It was always the adventure and challenge that appealed in whatever serendipitous opportunity that arose and the fears and doubts often only occurred afterwards. But by then I found I was committed, involved in the doing of whatever new adventure it was. And here I am, yet again, on another adventure, cutting another familiar tie with the past.

*

GARY: You wrote me recently, following up on the theme of mentoring. I have little to say about that, and am quite content to drop the use of the word for our purposes.

PETER: Yeah, I think we have exhausted the topic. I enjoyed the interaction and, for me, it was most useful to give some thought to the issue. It is obvious that if someone does something better than me, has a more sensible way of doing something, some approach that is simpler, easier, then I’ll pick their brains or listen attentively to what is being said.

Similarly, if I see someone else struggling with something that I have found an easier way of doing, I’ll often find myself passing on my expertise by telling my story. Not that I expect the other to change their ways – I am simply offering an alternative approach that they may not have thought of or even considered. I don’t make a business out of it – it only happens when the circumstances are appropriate.

GARY: What I really wanted to talk to you about was the experience of fear, which I have spoken to No 7 about in a recent post.

[Peter]: The expression I heard Richard use was to ‘keep your hands in your pockets’, meaning be wary of doing something you may regret while in the midst this period of psychological and psychic turmoil. The process can be very confusing and disorienting for one is demolishing one’s own spiritual/ social and one’s instinctual identity – something any good psychiatrist would warn you against and something your priests and Gurus will utterly condemn as being evil. It may be useful to ask questions such as – am I trying to change the other, am I blaming the other, is my reaction considered and considerate or is it thoughtless instinctual? One’s own interactions with others provide a literal goldmine of valuable information as to how the human psyche is socially and instinctually programmed.’ I spoke to No 7 just a while ago about a recent experience with fear. There is no need to really go into all of it right now, but in light of what you wrote, the advice to ‘keep your hands in your pockets’ is sensible. I do regret acting unwisely in the situation. I did become somewhat aggressive. I recall the supervisor saying that I was ‘defensive’. [endquote].

PETER: I remember when I first came across Richard, I was fired and enthused by actualism and was in the middle of the many emotional upheavals of leaving spirituality behind. Many a time I was confrontational, defensive, provocative, probing, challenging, off-balance, not cool, etc, as I interacted with others. As I have said, this business is not a dispassionate business – yet another way of ‘keeping the lid’ on your passions and your enthusiasm. How else to investigate your beliefs, morals, ethics, feelings and passions but as they arise in the robust adventure of living in the world of people, things and events? However, one can feel anger without lashing out physically, one can feel sorrow without dumping it on others. One can feel, experience and investigate all of the human animal passions without inflicting them on others – hence ‘keep your hands in your pockets’.

But, when you do ‘stuff up’ on occasions, it makes no sense to then berate yourself for it, for this is simply another old taught reaction replete with feelings of guilt, remorse, etc.

Stuffing up is inevitable and it provides a wealth of opportunities for ‘self’-observation and investigation.

Just another little ‘pass-on’ that I found very useful on many occasions. It relates to the inevitable reactions and comments that others will offer to you on the path – when they offer their intuitive, insightful assessments as to what you are feeling or what you are ‘putting out’. I used to take these assessments on board until I discovered that, more often than not, their assessment was false, emotionally charged, defensive, attacking, etc.

With practice, diligence and determination, I learned to be my own counsel, judge and jury, to make an honest assessment of my own feelings and reactions and not rely on others. The key word is honest and this is where genuine intent, firmly based on your own pure consciousness experiences of perfection and purity, will be your guide – for the last person you want to fool is you.

The expression I like to keep in mind is ‘don’t let the buggers get you down’, for others will have a vested interest in cutting you down to size and bringing you back to the herd.

The ‘tall poppy syndrome’ is what it is known as in this country. I wrote in my Journal about daring to stick my head above the parapet and when you do you have to have the intestinal fortitude to keep it there and not let the buggers get you down. Richard’s writings on spiritual mailing lists provide ample evidence of actual innocence personified in the face of personal attacks and spurious assessments by others.

GARY: I take it that, for you, the storms of atavistic fears have subsided, if not left the scene entirely. My question at this point is: what can one do when one is experiencing these instinctual reactions? One’s natural inclination is to flee from the whole thing, or (in the case of aggression) attack the source of the disturbance, an equally destructive reaction.

PETER: Firstly, be bloody well pleased that you are having these reactions, that you are aware of them, that you can name them, that you can observe them in action. This is, in itself, a significant achievement, a mighty step, something that very few people manage to do.

We are specifically trained not to do this in our childhood years by the imposition of morals and ethics – the whole good, bad, right and wrong assessment we automatically place upon our feelings and emotions. To be able to get beyond the automatic response of repressing fear and aggression and indulging in nurture and desire, and to be able to see and experience what is actually happening in one’s own psyche in this very moment, is no little thing. To develop this ability is the primary key to becoming free from the instinctual passions – from this bold step all else will unfold provided one’s intent is pure.

To reiterate, this being aware of your beliefs, morals, ethics, feelings and passions is an unnatural act, for we are taught the opposite in childhood and for those who have practiced Eastern religious selective awareness in adulthood, it requires an about-face that is apparently too daunting, even for the average spiritual ego. So, pat yourself on the back, for you are doing what you wanted to do after your PCE – finding out exactly how ‘you’ tick with the aim of eliminating ‘you’ who stands in the way of a pure consciousness operating in the flesh and blood body called Gary. The only way to find out how ‘you’ are programmed to think, feel, react and operate as a social and instinctual being is by becoming increasingly aware of your social and instinctual programming.

You gave a good example of being aware of your reactions and feelings in the situation at work, which then gave you valuable insights into both your social and instinctual programming. This observing and being aware can be likened to shining a torch into a dark cupboard and the act of investigating and understanding can be likened to taking a dustpan and broom and cleaning out the cupboard.

GARY: So, how does one dig into the savage instincts and really ‘plumb the Stygian depths’? I don’t want to back off of the fear and aggression when it comes up but I am not sure how much of it I can handle – there must be a point where it is perhaps wise to leave it alone and come back to it at a later time. Maybe you can’t really say for sure and that this is where one is on one’s own, there being no way that another such as yourself can really tell one what to do. Just some questions and some thoughts about the real work that takes place in investigating the instincts. I would be pleased if you would respond.

PETER: Well, my experience is that one doesn’t have to go deliberately looking to plumb the Stygian depths – let alone the Enthralling heights. Everyday life, everyday circumstances, everyday events and everyday interactions with others provide all the opportunities one needs to explore one’s social and instinctual programming in action.

The invaluable aspect of this on-going investigation is that nothing gets lost, avoided, averted, postponed or shoved under the carpet. This down-to-earth approach also has the invaluable benefit that no feelings are imagined, artificially concocted or spuriously indulged in as happens on the fantasy-only ‘self’-aggrandizing trip of the traditional spirit-ual path.

Having said that, there are also times when there is nothing much happening in the cut and thrust of life, when one has a chance to put one’s feet up and contemplate upon a particular aspect of the Human Condition, to ponder on some incident or reaction, to observe others, to read a bit, watch TV, or whatever. This is an opportunity where one can actively pursue some issue that may be pertinent at the time. A bit of clear thinking, some introspection and a good deal of contemplation can lead to many fascinating discoveries. Sometimes these occasions also lead to plumbing the Stygian depths, or the Enthralling heights, but these emotional happenings are the direct by-product of curious, naïve contemplation and not the main event.

The spiritual path is the pursuit of emotional events and altered states, whereas the path to Actual Freedom is the pursuit of irrevocable actual change. For an actualist, the real work is in having the courage to maintain an ongoing awareness of how you are experiencing being alive, of cultivating a naïve fascination with being alive and developing a resounding YES to being here.

But back to your comment –

[Gary]: I take it that, for you, the storms of atavistic fears have subsided, if not left the scene entirely. [endquote].

Interestingly enough, a few days ago I had what is known as a panic attack – an overwhelming fear attack – when I was plodding away unsuccessfully at some particular aspect of my CAD program. My ‘what have I got myself into?’ suddenly assumed enormous proportions as the ground beneath my feet seemed to disappear and a chasm opened up. It was most probably triggered by the fact that I was abandoning the one practical learned skill that has provided my means of income and therefore survival. I experienced it as leaving the last of the old Peter behind – the one thing I could count on and be secure with. There was nothing I could do, no one who could help me, and no way back for that would be to admit defeat. I made myself a cup of coffee, sat down with the instruction manual and eventually found a work-around solution to my computer problem.

To let fear stop you doing something is to admit defeat before you start – better to let any feelings of fear come up during or after taking action – then you simply feel the feeling, knowing full well that it will not last. I wrote about doubt and fear in my Journal along the same lines, as I remember, so it may be worth dipping in there.

Well, for my first write for a while I have done well, but Vineeto is home now so I might just bring this to an end.

5.11.2000

PETER: It’s been one of those lazy days here – an early summer storm bringing a cooling wind. Summer is the most atmospheric of seasons in the subtropics with frequent electrical storms and an almost constant pulsing of evening lightning on the ocean horizon, as it is this very evening. I do wonder what the ancients thought of lightning – a terrifying evil spirit, no doubt. This lightning activity gradually intensifies, as does the heat and humidity, as the wet season comes closer. I do like coastal subtropical living, the lushness of tropical vegetation without the intensity of the tropical climate. I put my feet up and watched a few programs on TV – one of my favourite ways of observing the Human Condition in action – and a few items twigged me to want to write.

*

I watched a program about a big naval training exercise involving over a hundred ships from a dozen countries held off Hawaii recently. They were involved in war games – a game of cat and mouse where electronic ‘lock-ons’ of targeting systems to a target was regarded as a kill. The men waging war – mounting defences and firing weapons all sat at comfortable chairs at computer monitors deep within the middle of the ships and the whole scenario was one of grown men playing video games exactly as their sons probably do. The warfare is conducted electronically with weapons launched against an enemy never even seen – the aim being to kill other men stealthily at long distance. He who has the better technology, the better program and the better sensors wins. It was fascinating to see men playing video war games and to see its direct correlation to the computer games that are so popular around the world.

The next item was about the simulators that are used to train pilots, helmsmen, and the like. This cutting edge technology makes war games even more realistic, as sound, 360 degree vision, movement and orchestrated chaos all combine to give the trainee the thrill of combat. It struck me that it is not only a pragmatic necessity that each country has a defence force, but modern technology seems to satisfy the lust for violence in many by providing an outlet where to ‘lock-on’ to the enemy does not result in the death or injury of other human beings. The competition between the various navies operating in the war-games was as fierce as any inter-country sporting event – another outlet for violence that most often does not result in death although injury is common. I find it curious that people can play these lock-on and kill games or be emotionally stirred and excited by sporting competitions and not see the direct connection with real war and violence.

*

Many, many spiritual people, despite their years on the spiritual path, have never ever bothered to investigate their social/spiritual conditioning as many simply swapped their Western beliefs for Eastern beliefs. The main reason for this blindness is the practice of denial and transcendence – they don’t want to be here anyway and have no interest at all in being a happy and harmless citizen of the world. ‘Be in the world but not of it’ is the best they can muster – a pathetic statement of non-committal non-participation, if ever there was one. They never connect their own feelings of nationalistic pride with war and conflict between nations, they never connect their own spiritual beliefs with war and conflict between religions, they never connect their own inability to live with others in peace and harmony as being at all related to the violent events on the evening news. Their armour of denial, their myopic ‘self’-centred selective awareness and their comfortable cocoon of moral superiority and associated spiritual pride serves to isolate them in an inner world totally of their own making.

I found that after my spiritual years I was totally ignorant of the inherent workings and functional aberrations of the Human Condition and I deliberately embarked on a journey of exploration, comfortably undertaken lazing in front of the TV or sitting in front of the computer. This investigation of grim reality and the imagined Greater Reality is essential if one is to break the stranglehold that the utterly selfish Eastern spiritual teachings have had in all aspects of one’s thinking about the Human Condition, the universe and what it is to be a human being. It is such an exciting exploration to discover the facts of what it is to be a human being as opposed to being a mere mouther of everyone else’s Truths and psittacisms.

Actual Freedom and autonomy has to be earned by stubborn and persistent effort – it is not granted by grace to the meek and mild.

*

Another program traced the history of medical care and it was fascinating to see the extraordinary changes that have happened in only the last two centuries. The beginning of fighting disease and illness came with increased nutrition and cleanliness. The next advance was in anaesthetics which enabled surgeons to get inside the living body to make repairs. The next advance was in vaccination as prevention and targeting disease with drugs to effect cures. The present century was heralded as being the biological century where scientists will not only prevent and cure but find ways to actually eliminate disease, genetic weaknesses and cellular mutations.

What was most revealing was that this advance has happened so quickly – only a relatively short time ago, the shamans, witchdoctors, blood-letters and snake-oil sellers held sway in the world of healing, with negligible results. Life spans were half those of nowadays, infant mortality common, pestilence and plague endemic and disease was generally attributed to evil spirits and alien energies. The recentness of this scientific medical revolution goes a long way to explaining why the shamans and snake-oil sellers, who are rife so-called alternative medicine, still have such power and influence.

Old habits and ancient fears die very hard.

*

I have been doing a lot more work in the real world lately and have been able to observe the male hunting competitiveness and see the men suffer under the ethical responsibility and moral bondage of providing for and protecting their family. Behind the scenes the women equally suffer under the ethical responsibility and moral bondage of nurturing and caring for their family. Underscoring this suffering, responsibility and bondage is the overarching core instinctual drive – the propagation and survival of the species come what may. I say suffer, for many men I see can now comfortably provide and protect with little effort and, apart from the early years of helpless infants, the women are also capable of fulfilling their instinctual role quite comfortably. The problem comes not in the doing, but in the social and instinctual programming itself that causes the needless emotional suffering and debilitating feelings of responsibility and bondage. There are signs that the traditional social roles are being questioned by many of both sexes mainly in wealthy countries such that the relentless population growth is beginning to be stemmed, but entrenched social mores and blind instinctual urges still cause untold emotional suffering for both men and women. It is indeed wonderful to be free of being a normal male and to have as a companion someone who is no longer a normal female.

So that’s about it from me.

It is important for an actualist to be able to see how the combination of a socially-instilled identity and genetically-encoded instinctual passions conspire to form a closed-loop Human Condition where resentment and denial, combined with malice and sorrow, is an ingrained inevitability. Having done so, it becomes clear that changing Humanity is not possible – it is a closed-loop – and the only way to become free is to step out of it entirely and abandon one’s social and instinctual, psychological and psychic identity.

12.11.2000

GARY: I would think that anyone who seriously takes up actualism would have to be a bit of a risk-taker, or gravitate towards new and novel experiences. Yet, with the people who are seriously following this method, there does not seem to be a common denominator, does there? Perhaps the only ‘common denominator’, and the only one that I can see, for these people is a burning discontent with their life as it is presently. Also, discontent and disillusionment with the religious/ spiritual world would seem to be the case for you, Vineeto, and Richard.

I would be curious to know if there was anything in your background which impelled you to be a daring adventurer, you know, something you could point to, perhaps in your childhood or early adult years which, in a formative sense, led you to where you are now?

PETER: Not really. In behavioural study fields there seems to be, at last, the beginnings of a shift away from the traditional belief that the early years of parental care are the primary influence in the development of a social identity and a move towards recognizing the far greater influence of peers. This is perhaps the beginning of a move away from the mystical/ spiritual roots of psychology and sociology, à la Freud and Jung, towards a more pragmatic empirical approach.

I can only remember feeling an outsider to most of my peer groups and a bit of a loner, which may have contributed to an ability to always move on from what was unsatisfactory – seeking something better, rather than hang around compromising.

GARY: What you have taken on is quite unconventional to say the least. Do you ever wonder ‘why me’?

PETER: ‘Why me’ was very daunting for quite a while, but by then I was already committed to Actual Freedom, so the question was only a sign of doubt and fear in the face of what was obvious to be done next.

*

GARY: I think I can say in retrospect that what I went through recently with fears was another layer in dismantling the social identity and uncovering the instincts. It is not, as you point out, a cool dispassionate business this, and there are bound to be many storms along the way. As I have said before, I have a tendency to make more out of these things than they probably deserve. For instance, I have noticed that it is a distinct tendency of mine to think that I have been terribly angry and offended someone else and when later checking this out with the other person they tell me in no uncertain terms that I did not seem very angry at all and that what happened was hardly worth bothering about.

PETER: One of benefits of becoming obsessed about observing feelings, emotions and passions, is that you can become your own expert very quickly. Instead of being run by feelings as in, repressing, expressing, ignoring, accepting, denying, transcending, wallowing, etc., you become an expert in reducing their debilitating effect in your life – thus becoming virtually free of them. Becoming your own expert also means you become free of having to rely on others’ assessment of what you are feeling – the usual biased and unreliable assessment based on intuition, body language, self-interest, competitiveness, jealousy, etc.

I remember this being a wonderful moment when I finally realized I was becoming free of having a social conscience where I was continually beholden to others’ moral and ethical judgements. It is obvious, in hindsight, that this only happened with the knowledge and experience that I was becoming harmless to others around me and thus realized, with confidence and surety, that their assessments were biased and false.

*

GARY: I notice that I have a particular tendency to berate myself for feeling or displaying anger. This was undoubtedly conditioned into me with such parental admonitions as ‘Don’t you get angry with me, buster!’ Other people I come into contact with seem so uninhibited in their way of venting their spleen, of showing anger or making a big show of how angry they are. I often chuckle to myself because ‘I’ am not like that. But it is interesting, isn’t it, to stand back and realize how completely arbitrary this social conditioning is? I don’t know if ‘arbitrary’ is the right word for it. I mean, ‘I’ could just as easily be some other way based on what I was taught growing up, what values I imbibed from the elders and the tribe.

PETER: I think I was always too lazy to be an angry fighter, I was more inclined to be quietly angry for ‘good’ social causes and to generally repress my feelings. Being full-on into Rajneeshism was an excellent opportunity to explore both these aspects – to directly experience my good and noble ideals fail so spectacularly, and also to be able to begin to get into feeling my feelings was an invaluable experience.

GARY: When one stands back and really looks at it, one sees that one is not a unique individual but rather a composite of moral, religious/ spiritual values, and ethics that are designed to keep the instincts at bay.

PETER: And the glimpses that ‘I’ am nothing other than this spiritual/ social and instinctual programming can be daunting to say the least. These glimpses of the chameleon-like illusion of ‘who’ I think and feel I am, does send shivers up the spine.

*

GARY: I think I may be looking for the chemical highs when ordinary life begins to look too dull and boring. But why does life look dull and boring at times? Just observing the creep of the feeling of boredom, an interesting emotion (?), into one’s life and routine provides plenty of opportunity for exploration. I think I may seek the chemical highs as a means of assuring myself that there actually is a ‘me’ there, because when things get too ordinary or comfortable ‘I’ am afraid there is no ‘me’ left. So, ‘I’ want the excitement of ‘plumbing the depths’, rather than settling for the more durable sensory pleasures and delights of everyday life which are always apparent: the scrumptious feel of the wind on my face on a late fall day, the hearty and pleasing smell of wood-smoke, the exquisite pleasures of a piping hot cup of coffee on a cold morn, etc. One becomes inured to the pathos and emotional turmoil of life and simply overlooks or misses all the simple satisfactions of a life freed from the emotional ups and downs. So this business of seeking to ‘plumb the depths’ has its’ drawbacks.

There is a time for that when the opportunity presents itself but there is also a time (any time actually) to savour the rewards of typical everyday life. One, I think, becomes more practiced in living life as a sensory experience rather than living life from an emotionally-charged, affective orientation.

PETER: Getting back to your question about a common denominator amongst the people seriously following actualism, I see the quality of stubbornness or bloody-mindedness as vital. So far, some people have taken an interest in actualism to a certain point where some change has happened in their lives and then backed away from further pursuits. For some, their spiritual beliefs are too strong to abandon, for some the prospect of leaving a comfortable hope, ideal, relationship or group is too daunting and some have even suffered from what could be called stage fright – the fear of the consequences of being actually free is too much. There is an initial flushed enthusiasm of discovery, understanding and change in the early stages and this is typified by my writings in my journal. What follows, after this initial stage, can be intimidating as the putting into practice of what one understands is the real test, and the real work, on the path to an actual freedom.

*

PETER: The spiritual path is the pursuit of emotional events and altered states, whereas the path to Actual Freedom is the pursuit of irrevocable actual change. For an actualist, the real work is in having the courage to maintain an ongoing awareness of how you are experiencing being alive, of cultivating a naïve fascination with being alive and developing a resounding YES to being here.

GARY: It seems that people on a religious and/or (these words are interchangeable) spiritual path are always caught up in their feeling of uniqueness or differentness from ordinary ‘wordly’ people. When I was into the spiritual lifestyle, I always had a sense of mission or a feeling of being special compared to the average heathens around me. Take most Christian people, for instance, with their ingrained persecution complex – it seems to me that they are always looking to be persecuted by others, and are rarely cognizant of their self-righteous, pious attitude towards ‘non-believers’ and their downright persecutory attitude towards others who are not members of their little coterie.

PETER: The eventual aim in actualism is not to feel different, but to be different – to be free of instinctual malice and sorrow and thus to be a flesh and blood body only, free of any psychological or psychic entity whatsoever. To get to this stage, my experience was that I passed through all of the ‘normal’ stages of feeling an outsider and all the ‘spiritual’ stages of feeling driven to be a messenger, or Messiah, for others who needed freeing. It was such good fun to personally experience and therefore understand the instinctual lust for psychic power that fires the priests, teachers, Gurus, God-men and Goddesses.

I found people and events always challenged me in the process such that feelings and emotions automatically arose and all I had to do was observe them to become familiar with how I had been programmed to operate, both socially and spiritually. Observation led to awareness, awareness led to knowledge and knowledge led to experience, practical change and confidence. As you progress further on the path, confidence leads to surety, which, in turn, overcomes doubt and fear.

Combine that surety with stubbornness, bloody mindedness and patience and success is guaranteed.

15.11.2000

PETER: You wrote in response to my rave about the Human Condition –

GARY: I’m glad you were twigged to write. A post such as this one, not addressed to responding to any particular previous points raised, has a relaxed, cordial feel to it.

PETER: Most often when I write directly to someone about instinctual animal behaviour they get mightily offended or defensive and lapse into patterns we learn from our peers – feeling guilt and shame, unremitting denial or blaming of others or, as a last resort, blindly lashing out seeking revenge. For me, writing on mailing lists has always been an invaluable way of sticking my neck out, beyond ‘my’ normal safe comfort zone, in order to see what reactions and feelings are stirred in me.

*

PETER: It was fascinating to see men playing video war games and to see its direct correlation to the computer games that are so popular around the world.

GARY: It’s fascinating, yet it is dreadful, isn’t it? War and preparation for war, particularly in the computer age, is so impersonal. Aggression in human beings is instinctual but it is also socially programmed and conditioned. <Snip> Do we regard mock combat in humans, playing video games with depictions of combat, as instinctual or socially programmed? Perhaps it is both. Whatever it is, it is programmed nonetheless and the program can be eliminated.

PETER: I would think it is more accurate to say that humans are socially programmed and conditioned to keep their natural aggression under control – hence the little man or woman inside the head that is forever on vigilant duty going ‘I am right, they are wrong, I am good, they are bad’, ever looking for reward and ever fearing being caught out. This social programming and conditioning is remarkably consistent across the human tribes and is essentially founded on reward and punishment and designed to focus natural human aggression away from members of their own group or tribe towards human beings belonging to other groups or tribes. There always has to be someone who we can let focus our aggression on, be it the slow driver in front, someone at work, a political party, an ideological group, a religious group, a nation, etc. Apart from sadomasochism, aggression is most often towards another fellow human being, as is fear most often of other human beings.

The underlying instinctual behaviour is identical in all humans of all races and cultures. The only difference in the so-called civilized communities – those with efficient police and legal systems – is that innate human aggression is usually more covert and expressed as constant psychological and psychic warfare, rather than the physical warfare of more primitive hunter-gatherers.

GARY: You, Peter, have had a very unique and extremely revealing look at the whole process of a religion forming from the ground up. You have seen firsthand the violence connected with religious life and the stupid posturings of the Enlightened Ones. Your turning away from the spiritual rat race and where you are at in life now should be extremely valuable to those who are disillusioned too with the Glory and Glitz of Enlightenment. I too saw the shenanigans that religious people, including myself formerly, get up to, and had enough. I jumped ship from the Quakers and jumped right on the Krishnamurti bandwagon, and the whole process repeated itself. I was naturally aghast when the whole thing repeated itself. My spiritual pride would not allow me to admit that I had been so wrong about many things.

PETER: And yet many, many people have had similar experiences with Eastern and Western religions. Many have intimate knowledge of the practical failings of their own religious beliefs to bring peace and happiness and yet they refuse to abandon their hope, faith and trust. My experiences were very similar to millions of the so-called baby boomers who got into Eastern religion – not particularly special nor unique. I remember when I met Richard I was very interested in what qualities he had that I didn’t. What became increasingly obvious was that it was the genuine absence of any malice and sorrow whatsoever that was the yawning gap between him and me. All my other comparisons and objections as to me being not good enough, not clever enough, etc. eventually faded in the face of the evidence as to how he actually was. He is the genuine article, which is something you may want to check out for yourself one day.

22.11.2000

GARY: I would think that anyone who seriously takes up actualism would have to be a bit of a risk-taker, or gravitate towards new and novel experiences. Yet, with the people who are seriously following this method, there does not seem to be a common denominator, does there? Perhaps the only ‘common denominator’, and the only one that I can see, for these people, is a burning discontent with their life as it is presently.

PETER: Not really. In behavioural study fields there seems to be, at last, the beginnings of a shift away from the traditional belief that the early years of parental care are the primary influence in the development of a social identity and a move towards recognizing the far greater influence of peers. This is perhaps the beginning of a move away from the mystical/ spiritual roots of psychology and sociology, à la Freud and Jung, towards a more pragmatic empirical approach.

GARY: At first, I puzzled over why you would see Freud as having mystical/ spiritual roots. While the case is clear with Jung, Freud always struck me as decidedly non-spiritual. But as I mused over this matter and looked into it a little, I see you may be right. Freud was the originator of Drive Theory. What was new and radical about Freud’s theories was primarily the importance they gave to the unconscious and instincts, primarily the sex and aggressive drives and instincts. While I am no Freudian, I thought I detected in some of the actualism writings some slight Freudian influence, particularly the explanation of how ethics, morals, and socially inculcated and programmed values are designed to keep the savage instincts at bay, and thus place the instinct-driven individual at some opposition to society. Apparently, in his later years, Freud revised and refined his drive theory with the addition of some spiritual sounding stuff.

PETER: When I first came across actualism and was confronted with the proposition that it was brand new and seemingly never been discovered before, I went off finding out for myself what was being offered in the spiritual world and what had been discovered in psychology, sociology, neurobiology, anthropology, etc. What I discovered was that the spiritual world has forever promised but can never ever deliver, and that all empirical research into the human condition is hampered and restricted by these very same spiritual/ religious ethics, morality and beliefs.

There are occasional references in spiritual teachings to a ‘state beyond enlightenment’ but no reports of anyone, apart from Richard, having broken free of the illusion of freedom and become actually free.

Similarly, in psychology, psychiatry and behavioural studies, there have been many brave attempts to lift the veil of belief and superstition and the current drive for biological/ genetic cures and fixes provides ample evidence of this. Yet common sense is rarely found – and even rarely used – for the researchers and practitioners remain firmly hobbled by spiritualism.

And yet, the writings of actualism – the presentation of the facts of what it is to be a human being – is unabashedly based on the efforts, explorations and discoveries of many people, or as Richard puts it, he has stood on the shoulders of many who have gone before. An actual freedom from the human condition – an end to malice and sorrow – has been sought by many human beings for millennia, and many invaluable practical discoveries and contributions have been made. It has always been the case that this search has been hijacked by spiritual/ religious belief and superstition, and has always been hobbled by the atavistic fear of hell and damnation – up until now, that is.

GARY: A psychology which regards human instinctual life as fixed and invariant, impossible to eliminate, can only be more of the same old Tried and Failed. Psychoanalysis, quite evidently, is a failed approach to solving human problems. An age that so enthusiastically embraced Freudianism was also an age that spawned new horrors of total warfare and genocide. If, as Freud apparently believed, the instincts cannot be eliminated, the only hope for humanity is to learn to live with these instincts and seek ‘integration’ of these conflicting drives and drive representations. That human beings have so evidently failed to learn to live with these instincts is clear. Freud, like so many others approaching their own death and demise, apparently became rather spiritual and mystical himself, by positing a Nirvana ‘principle’ and Thanatos.

PETER: Yep. Once anyone accepts that that ‘you can’t change human nature’ there are only two alternatives – stay normal and instinctually battle it out for survival in grim reality or turn away from reality and enter into an inner imaginary greater Reality of one’s own making.

GARY: Freud may have been a psychological and psychic adventurer (he regarded himself as such), but he stopped short, like so many before him. ‘Integration’ and cure ala Freud is a complacent resignation to living within the Human Condition, a kind of fiddling with the controls.

PETER: The more pragmatic practitioners of psychology and psychiatry freely admit that the aim of any analysis and treatment is to return their patients to normally neurotic, such that they can reasonably function within the range of limits set by society’s laws and regulations. Thus the aim is to reduce paranoia to ‘normal’ fear, to return violent behavior to ‘normal’ aggression and to return manic depression to ‘normal’ sadness. In extreme cases, the previous practice of incarceration in straight jackets has been replaced by incarceration in chemical straightjackets. Curiously, the therapy that seems to be the most effective is what is known as cognitive therapy – a very pragmatic approach to reducing fears and phobias in particular.

The Freudian approach to therapy is summarized in the quote from your last post –

[Eugene V. Wolfenstein]: Given these postulates it follows, first, that sexuality and aggression are built into the human organism. They cannot be eliminated. Second, as drives, they create a pressure, a psychosomatic state of tension, and hence the aim of discharge (tension-reduction). Eugene Victor Wolfenstein, Psychoanalytic Marxism

This approach to therapy was widely used in some spiritual groups, most notably the Rajneeshees, and has proved a spectacular failure, as it has in the real world. Many disciples and followers are still undergoing therapy after 20 years or more and the only ones who seemingly benefit are the therapists themselves. Most of the Rajneesh therapies now blatantly aim to do nothing other than whip up the emotions via discharge, venting or tension-release, giving the ventor a chemical rush that can induce temporary feelings of gratitude, euphoria or unconditional love. Many spiritual people believe that this emotional game-playing has meant they have studied the human psyche in operation and received some cure or healing, whereas they have but scratched the surface of their psyche – if at all.

GARY: Our age, and particularly our parent’s generation, was enormously influenced by psychoanalytic theory and psychoanalysis. I myself received costly and long-term analytic therapy when younger. Psychoanalysis, and its successors like Object Relations and Ego Psychology, maintained the view that the very first few years of life are of enormous impact in determining what occurs subsequently in later life. Lately, I have been questioning this view. I find that remembrances and understandings that I have of what happened in my childhood years have gone into and, in some way, been incorporated into an image of myself that I have being a certain way. In this way, I think sometimes that my understandings of childhood events have contributed to a mythology and identity that I have of myself, that they have gone into ‘who’ I think I am, not what I am - a flesh-and-blood body sensately and apperceptively aware.

PETER: From what I understand about the current research into memories, it appears we are only capable of remembering the last time we remembered an event and we do not necessarily have an accurate recall of the event itself. It is a bit like accessing the last current updated file on your computer and the older ones fade away or get lost or deleted in the mists of time. Many studies have been done which throw doubt on the accuracy of memory recall in criminal cases and point to the susceptibility of memory recall to influence by the interrogators. Similarly, some doubts are beginning to be expressed about the accuracy of many childhood memories and their susceptibility to influence by therapists, guides, psychiatrists etc.

An extraordinary freedom comes when any memory recall begins to be free of ‘my’ psychological and psychic interpretations, when past memories become free of any emotional pains or colourings, whatsoever. This lack of emotional memories is a clear sign of ‘my’ demise, a practical example of the fact that ‘I’ have no past existence other than as psychological and psychic memories. It is experiential down to earth evidence that ‘I’ am an illusion – whose days are numbered.

*

PETER: I can only remember feeling an outsider to most of my peer groups and a bit of a loner, which may have contributed to an ability to always move on from what was unsatisfactory – seeking something better, rather than hang around compromising.

GARY: That’s interesting, because I always felt that way myself. The feeling of being a loner, an outsider, has greatly intensified for me since I took up actualism and have become (I think) a dedicated actualist. At times, it is disconcerting, as I feel I am deliberately breaking ties with all that in former times brought comfort and succorance – in other words, there is this fear of being an outcast. At other times, it is my greatest joy to be free from the herd, free from obligations and loyalties, free to be what I am – I literally feel as light as a feather.

PETER: The feeling of being an outsider is common to everyone, for ‘who’ I think and feel I am is an alien entity, cut-off from the actual world that seems to be happening outside of ‘my’ body. Similarly other humans I meet are seen and regarded as separate and alien to ‘me’. ‘I’ am ever fearful, ever on-guard, ever isolated, and ever lonely. The only relief from these terrible feelings is to be found in the good feelings of being needed, being useful, belonging to a group, and producing, providing for, and nurturing offspring. In the ‘normal’ world, these worldly fulfilments are often insufficient for some and the search begins for the other socially acceptable alternative – indulging in the feeling of ‘inner’ fulfillment and contentment.

*

PETER: One of benefits of becoming obsessed about observing feelings, emotions and passions, is that you can become your own expert very quickly. Instead of being run by feelings as in, repressing, expressing, ignoring, accepting, denying, transcending, wallowing, etc., you become an expert in reducing their debilitating effect in your life – thus becoming virtually free of them. Becoming your own expert also means you become free of having to rely on others’ assessment of what you are feeling – the usual biased and unreliable assessment based on intuition, body language, self-interest, competitiveness, jealousy, etc.

I remember this being a wonderful moment when I finally realized I was becoming free of having a social conscience where I was continually beholden to others’ moral and ethical judgements. It is obvious, in hindsight, that this only happened with the knowledge and experience that I was becoming harmless to others around me and thus realized, with confidence and surety, that their assessments were biased and false.

GARY: I am still going through a lot of fear. I would say the predominant emotion is fear. At times it is a restless, anxious feeling. It is rather low grade, hardly what I would call panic. I noticed it particularly yesterday when I was at work - it was almost a constant backdrop. Hardly debilitating, I am able to function in spite of it. I noticed as the day went on, it dissipated somewhat and as I returned home, I felt none of it. It seems to have no specific referent. I cannot say I am afraid of this... or I am afraid of that... I notice at times when I meet and interact with people that there is considerable fear and anxiety at first, at the very first contact. I felt very anxious recently when I was going to be interacting with the clients I serve. I have been wondering what it is about. I wonder if I am afraid of what people will think of me. I have become a ‘traitor’ to Humanity’s Tried and True ways. Did you go through anything like this? Have others?

PETER: Once I got over my trying to change other people stage, I eventually woke up to the fact that no-one knew I was a traitor to the cause of human suffering. I hadn’t grown a big sign on my forehead saying ‘Beware! actualist in Process’ – I could still function in the world despite the turmoil my discoveries often produced. And no matter what went on inside me during the day, the sun still rose the next morning and I still had coffee and toast for breakfast.

It’s often useful to remember that whatever is going on in this process, no matter how weird, is only going on in your head and your heart.

*

GARY: I notice that I have a particular tendency to berate myself for feeling or displaying anger. This was undoubtedly conditioned into me with such parental admonitions as ‘Don’t you get angry with me, buster!’ Other people I come into contact with seem so uninhibited in their way of venting their spleen, of showing anger or making a big show of how angry they are. I often chuckle to myself because ‘I’ am not like that. But it is interesting, isn’t it, to stand back and realize how completely arbitrary this social conditioning is? I don’t know if ‘arbitrary’ is the right word for it. I mean, ‘I’ could just as easily be some other way based on what I was taught growing up, what values I imbibed from the elders and the tribe.

PETER: Yes, to be a social identity, in whatever form or flavour, is to be firmly ensnared in the grip of a sad and sorry Humanity.

Humanity is genetically/ instinctually and historically/ socially bound to consist of separate feuding tribes and families and religions. You only have to observe the fierce ongoing resistance to any attempts to break the stranglehold this tribal conditioning has on human beings. The blind, senseless resistance to the ‘globalization’ of trade, commerce, communications, language and culture is fascinating to watch. A united Europe is now a faded post-war dream, as every tin pot region seeks autonomy and independence, every religious/ spiritual group declares their right to be different, and groups desperately seek to preserve their cultural roots, traditions, language, beliefs, superstitions, sacred places, buildings and holy relics.

The only way to regard, and treat, others as fellow human beings is to rid yourself of all this rubbish – a process of ‘self’-diminishing that can, if undertaken with pure intent, lead to ‘self’-immolation.

GARY: When one stands back and really looks at it, one sees that one is not a unique individual but rather a composite of moral, religious/ spiritual values, and ethics that are designed to keep the instincts at bay.

PETER: The realizations I had about this issue was triggered in meeting my son one day and clearly seeing that many of ‘his’ beliefs, attitudes, opinions and mannerisms were ‘mine’ and further how those that I regarded and cherished as ‘mine’ were really those that were passed on to me from my father. As Pink Floyd sang – ‘just another brick in the wall’ – a wall that stretches unbroken back into the mists of time. And as an instinctual animal I am but one of billions of blind nature’s cannon fodder in the battle for survival of the species, the product of my father’s sperm and I had but one purpose – my primordial sperm-spreading purpose in seeding an egg so as to reproduce yet another combatant in this senseless passionate struggle.

The sheer power of realizations such as these can lead to feelings of hopelessness and despair which can lead to ‘dark night of the soul’ experiences with their flip side ‘I’ve seen the Light’ experiences. Sometimes the path to freedom can feel like a tightrope walking act as the very ground of one’s social identity and instinctual being starts to shimmer, shake and, sometimes, even disappear temporarily. The cute thing is when it does disappear temporarily, suddenly there is a pure consciousness experience; suddenly all is perfect and pure, pristine and peaceful as the storm of emotions and neuroses that was ‘me’, just a moment ago, disappears.

GARY: I think I may be looking for the chemical highs when ordinary life begins to look too dull and boring. But why does life look dull and boring at times? Just observing the creep of the feeling of boredom, an interesting emotion (?), into one’s life and routine provides plenty of opportunity for exploration. I think I may seek the chemical highs as a means of assuring myself that there actually is a ‘me’ there, because when things get too ordinary or comfortable ‘I’ am afraid there is no ‘me’ left.

PETER: There are no rights and wrongs in the process of becoming free of the Human Condition. There are only opportunities for observation of your automatic programmed reactions to the people, things and events of the actual world. These periods of experiencing sensory pleasures are ideal times to indulge in a bit of unrelated musing and contemplating on life, the universe and what it is to be a human being. Valuable insights can emerge from these timeouts from the busi-ness of life. The most valuable tools I utilize for investigations are my couch, the computer and the TV, and the most valuable times are often my walk down town, having breakfast and sexual play.

And should I drift off into being ‘comfortably numb’, something would serendipitously occur to jolt me out of it and I’d be off again, busy with some aspect of the human condition, some belief, some feeling that arose ...

GARY: I have made major progress recently by severing my ties to AA and the spiritual program of AA.

PETER: Becoming free of the human condition means what it means. To step out of Humanity is to no longer be a member of any exclusive club, to hold no truths as sacred or holy, to cherish no beliefs, to have no precious feelings, to nurse no malice or sorrow in one’s bosom.

*

PETER: The spiritual path is the pursuit of emotional events and altered states, whereas the path to Actual Freedom is the pursuit of irrevocable actual change. For an actualist, the real work is in having the courage to maintain an ongoing awareness of how you are experiencing being alive, of cultivating a naïve fascination with being alive and developing a resounding YES to being here.

GARY: It seems that people on a religious and/or (these words are interchangeable) spiritual path are always caught up in their feeling of uniqueness or differentness from ordinary ‘wordly’ people. When I was into the spiritual lifestyle, I always had a sense of mission or a feeling of being special compared to the average heathens around me.

PETER: It took me 17 years of exploration on the so-called spiritual path to finally understand, acknowledge, and act upon, the fact that spiritualism was nothing other than ‘Olde-Time Religion’. Every pundit, teacher or follower I met or group I was in felt they were unique or that they were specially ‘chosen’ in having the truth of their existence revealed to them personally. Spiritual revelations and experiences are music to ‘me’, as soul, and inevitably lead to ‘self’-ish introspection and an increased detachment from actuality.

As a ‘normal’ entity, ‘I’ am programmed to be a social/ psychological and instinctual/ psychic entity that thinks and feels it is living inside the body. This non-substantial entity experiences himself or herself to be detached from the physical actual world anyway, but then to become a passionate spiritual identity in one of society’s fantasy spirit-ual worlds is to be twice removed from what is physical, palpable, tangible, sensual, audible, tactile, visual, corporal, animal, mineral, vegetable, and alive as in not passive.

This actual world is chocked full of eye candy – to use the current web jargon – full of smell candy, air candy, people candy, touch candy, taste candy, skin candy, sound candy. This planet is a literal cornucopia of sensual delight and we human beings have the most sophisticated brain that is wired via its proliferate sensory receptors to be a receptor, an appreciator, able to think, reflect and contemplate ... and to be aware it is doing it!

What it is to be a human being is to be the universe experiencing itself as a human being.

This is the quality of experiencing available only in a pure consciousness experience.

GARY: Take most Christian people, for instance, with their ingrained persecution complex – it seems to me that they are always looking to be persecuted by others, and are rarely cognizant of their self-righteous, pious attitude towards ‘nonbelievers’ and their downright persecutory attitude towards others who are not members of their little coterie.

PETER: All religion is founded on fear and there is nothing like whipping up a bit of persecution to rally the faithful to protect the faith. I wrote about my experience in Rajneeshpuram in Oregon when Rajneesh had goaded the Christians to such an extent that the National Guard was evidently on alert. Any persecution, be it real or imaginary, demands justice or, to call a spade a spade, revenge and retribution. One of the most blatant cases of this endless cycle is to be found in the current Israel-Palestinian war. The Israelis, having suffered persecution in WW2 seem now to have found an outlet for revenge – to forcibly occupy Palestinian land, drive the owners out, encircle them in enclaves, forbid them to leave and cut off essential supplies. Then, when those who are occupied revolt, the persecutors claim ten eyes for every eye lost. And common wisdom has it that we should be tolerant of, and respect, people’s religious/ spiritual beliefs.

‘Self-righteous, pious attitudes’ and ‘downright persecutory attitudes’ are currently prevalent all over the planet with no hope of ever ending – unless people start coming to their senses, which is exactly what actualism is about.

Having a good clear-eyed look at Humanity is an essential aspect of actualism for ‘I’ am Humanity and Humanity is ‘me’. When it becomes so blatantly obvious that it is human beings stubbornly maintaining and faithfully defending their sacred religious/ spiritual beliefs who cause such horrendous wars and conflicts in the world, it behoves you to rid yourself of every last skerrick of such beliefs – provided you are interested in peace on earth, that is.

*

PETER: The eventual aim in actualism is not to feel different, but to be different – to be free of instinctual malice and sorrow and thus to be a flesh and blood body only, free of any psychological or psychic entity whatsoever. To get to this stage, my experience was that I passed through all of the ‘normal’ stages of feeling an outsider and all the ‘spiritual’ stages of feeling driven to be a messenger, or Messiah, for others who needed freeing. It was such good fun to personally experience and therefore understand the instinctual lust for psychic power that fires the priests, teachers, Gurus, God-men and Goddesses.

I found people and events always challenged me in the process such that feelings and emotions automatically arose and all I had to do was observe them to become familiar with how I had been programmed to operate, both socially and spiritually. Observation led to awareness, awareness led to knowledge and knowledge led to experience, practical change and confidence. As you progress further on the path, confidence leads to surety, which, in turn, overcomes doubt and fear.

Combine that surety with stubbornness, bloody mindedness and patience and success is guaranteed.

GARY: Yes, bloody-mindedness is certainly something that I can relate to. I have found that I am essentially on my own in this enterprise. Being my own counsel in all matters has become increasingly important to me, and it is not something that I am used to, and perhaps it is this that is occasioning so many fears. Practical change and confidence are developing, perhaps slowly, but seemingly with an increasing momentum.

PETER: It does seem that you have understood, and are experiencing, that actualism is about becoming autonomous. Understanding is the first step, experiencing it is the next. Autonomy is an inevitable essential part of the process, which is why I always chuckle when someone says I am a disciple of a Guru.

Actual Freedom is squeaky clean.

 

---

 

This Correspondence Continued

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