25.11.1998

PETER: Hi,

As response to Peter’s first letter, the response to the poem on Two Worlds:

RESPONDENT: Not to give it any negativity or judgement but I get a weird feeling reading your email. It’s hard to express this in words but I feel the question ‘and what will we be doing after the next 15 years...’ comes a little close to what I felt.

PETER: For me, if I’m still alive in 15 years, I’ll be happy and harmless.

26.1.1999

RESPONDENT: Just a simple question, maybe you can spare some time to answer it.

PETER: I have posted several replies in the past, which you may have missed in your deleting –

[Peter]: I always wanted to be able to discuss these matters in my spirit-ual years, to get down to the bare bones of things. To be able to question absolutely everything and anything, the lot, without fear of getting my head snapped off, being sent to Coventry, or told I was being ‘negative’. To be able to ask, scrutinize and get a straight answer.

And to be able to look at things without the typical straight-jacket of ... ‘right or wrong’, ...’good or bad’. To sort fact from fiction. To really find out what it is to be a human being. To be able to fully live as a human being on this paradisiacal planet ... free of malice and sorrow, happy and harmless, innocent and pure.

As you can probably tell I am enjoying this discussion immensely. This is pioneering stuff and it’s happening right now as I type these words. Nothing is more thrilling than this... being here, doing what is happening. To be actually typing these words and not knowing what I am going to say next...

The thing, of course, is that this is not anything personal that we are saying. We are talking about an actual freedom from the Human Condition, a condition that afflicts all humans. This freedom is available for everyone although it is clear that not everyone will want to take it on. Peter, List C, No 14, 11.12.1998

From another post –

[Peter]: I am not flogging a spiritual or religious method. I am saying that there is now an alternative to being normal or becoming spiritual – there is now available a a new, down-to-earth actual freedom from the Human Condition.

I do a few hours a day on the computer and nothing much else. We walk downtown for a meal, watch a bit of TV, have a romp, lay around a lot. I do enjoy writing and did think I might make a living out of it, but what I am saying is not very popular stuff. The only way to get a discussion going so far, has been to drop in on this list. I know it is pissing some people off but a few seem interested, so I’ll keep going for a bit.

It is funny, though. I naively thought that the spiritual seekers, Sannyasins in particular, would be the ones who would be interested in this.

Particularly seeing the religion is so obvious now. I suspect that many have invested too many years to even consider something else.

I gave a few books to friends but they have gone mostly unread.

I think many are scared that it might actually work, and nobody – deep down – wants to change.’

So, I have plenty of time, I never run out of time – it’s impossible. Peter, List C, No 25, 15.12.1998

From another post –

[Peter]: The other thing I have been musing over is the curious reaction from Sannyasins to my Journal. I liked Sannyas and Sannyasins, particularly in the early days. There was a sense of pioneering, challenging the norm, giving it a boots and all approach. Now I get many people telling me ‘I’m all right’, ‘I’m watching my self’, ‘I’m happy’, ‘Life goes on and I’m going with the flow’, ‘I am already That, all I have to do is realize it’ ‘There is nothing I can do – it is all in God’s hands’ etc. etc. Acceptance was always an acceptance of me as I was, whereas if I was honest with myself, I wasn’t the best I could be – I wasn’t free.

That’s all – I want to keep it short, but I just wanted to say this is nothing personal, humans are all inflicted with the same disease. The scientists are starting to isolate the genes, or software, that triggers the instinctual behaviour patterns relating to fear, aggression, nurture and desire – so it is a fact. But now there is a chance to do something about it, in you. Peter, List C, 10.12.1998

From another post –

[Peter]: ‘During this time, I remember driving up the escarpment that encircles the lush semi-tropical coastal plain where I live. I stopped and looked out at the edge of the greenery, where a seemingly endless ribbon of white sand neatly bordered it from the azure ocean. Overhead great mounds of fluffy white clouds sailed by in the blue of the sky. Right in the foreground stood a group of majestic pines towering some thirty meters tall. I was struck by the vastness, the stillness and the perfection of this planet, the extraordinariness of it all, but … and the ‘but’ are human beings – human beings who persist in fighting and killing each other and can’t live together in peace and harmony. It was one of those moments that forced me to do something about myself, for I was one of those 5.8 billion people. It was exactly one of those moments that forced me to do something about being able to live with a woman in peace and harmony. To prove it was possible.’

No longer was it then sensible to relentlessly pursue that which has failed for billions of people for thousands of years. Hope, faith and trust, when they fail, turn inevitably to despair, doubt and suspicion. I put my stock in confidence, certainty and a good deal of bloody-mindedness to try something different and the results are already beyond my wildest dreams! First, I made it the most important task in my life. Secondly, I realised that nobody could do it but me. Then I simply had to ride out the fear that arose from changing my behaviour – from actually eradicating part of myself.’ Peter’s Journal, ‘Love’ Peter, List C, No 13, 8.12.1998

So, I delight in reporting to others that the path to a new, non-spiritual, down-to-earth, Actual Freedom works.

Cheers ... ... Peter.

P.S. – I notice on another post that came in this morning you complained that I didn’t answer your question. You were the next on the list, so to speak – I generally run a few days behind with my replies. As it is my pleasure and not my business I tend to kick back a bit...

26.1.1999

RESPONDENT: Dear Peter and anybody else following these (endless?) discussions: I can do no other thing than totally disagree with this. Not only does Truth need the existence of teaching, nor are there personal versions or other version of Truth, but to claim that an Enlightened Being has the urge to teach and that his bliss is the others who praise him for it is utter BULLSHIT to me. Enlightenment nor Truth are bargains or business for which rewards are to be expected. Neither is there any need to claim Enlightenment or anything Beyond.

PETER: Normally I just answer to posts in the order I receive them but your last post intrigued me so much I am willing respond out of order –

I have got no idea what you are saying to me here. By the ‘bullshit’ -bit you are obviously pissed off – but at exactly what, I am at a loss. Maybe you could enlighten me about your position on the matter of how you see the Truth and Enlightenment.

RESPONDENT: As far as all the other writings over the past months I don’t feel like commenting since others are already so busy doing that but I wonder why my simplest of simple question still remains unanswered. I sent this question to you personally but now I’ll give it out to the whole list just to expose what is not true. If you know truth why all these words and so many discussion? Simple question, isn’t it? Let me add a second one, why didn’t you answer this question? Third: does this mean there is still a motive or purpose?

PETER: Exactly what is it you are ‘exposing’ – the fact that it took me three days to reply to you? The fact that you wrote to me privately? The fact that I might have some hidden motive or purpose other than what I have stated? That I really am Enlightened and are gathering cyber-disciples so we can all go to some cyber-heaven when the apocalypse comes?

So you are obviously pissed off in this post and yet your reply to my answer to your ‘simple question’ is as follows –

[Respondent]: Dear Peter,

Thank you for answering my question so quickly, I did notice you enjoyed this as much as I do. I sense closeness in what you try to say and what I found, and all I would say after your reply is keep going. Those who don’t like it will have to cope with it or keep on hitting delete, as I often do. Not in judgement or disbelief, since what is there to believe. Even though I still strongly disagree (and I feel you will know why) of what you wrote about the Enlightenment Ones, I thank you for replying so quickly.

Love to be shared, [endquote].

Are you for real?

Just what I am I to make of all this. Is your last post pure sarcasm? One post you are exposing me and telling me that what I am saying is ‘BULLSHIT’ and the next post is sprinkled with thank you’s, enjoyments and love.

I can only think that this is similar to the Sannyasins I would see all ‘lovey-dovey’ in the ashram and would see them half an hour later abusing some rickshaw driver.

I remember when I saw that I behaved this way. I was working on the Samadhi one day in the ashram ...

I wrote about it in my journal and it is relevant to much that goes on in the list in postings usually signed ‘love’ ...

[Peter]: ‘Sorrow was easy to see in operation in my life (...)

Malice is a bit different as it is generally not upheld as a human virtue and most people even manage to deny it in themselves. It is always someone else who is cruel, jealous, vindictive or violent and I am simply responding to their malice! It was amazing to see in my own children unprovoked and unlearned acts of aggression. The idea that children are born innocent is just an idea, not a fact. I have some memories, even as a kid, of plotting revenge against someone – but of course most of the actual malicious actions were condemned. One didn’t break things, hit people, or say certain things – I was taught to behave ‘properly’. The trouble is, all the malice was then forced into cunning, clever and subversive actions that were to persist in my life. The willingness to tell a tale on someone as a subtle revenge is a classic. We call it gossiping, to disguise the maliciousness. I remember a few times actually having to will myself to stop, biting my tongue. The worst situation, of course, is in ‘relation-ship’ (or ‘battle-ship’) with a woman.

The malice often took the form of withdrawal – an insidious revenge, but also a self-inflicted pain; a terrible price to pay in the long run. I came to see a lot of New Age-spiritual-therapy behaviour as only thinly disguised malice. ‘I have to be honest with you’ or ‘I would like to share something with you’ is usually the opening line of someone who is about to take revenge or be spiteful. Again much of what we humans regard as entertainment is but our pleasure at witnessing malice and violence inflicted upon fellow human beings. Competitive sport is another arena for malice to be played out, whether watching or participating. A few times in my life the lid would really fly off and rage would surface, quickly followed by shame.

In particular I remember a time when we were working with some Indian stonemasons in Poona. One of the workers was doing something wrong despite my having just warned him. Well, I gave him a full serve of rage, only to discover afterwards that he really was doing it right all along. I was deeply ashamed, not only that I had lost my temper, but that I had done the typical thing at the time – chosen an Indian as my victim. A few months ago I even felt the thrill of what it would be like to kill someone, after reading a newspaper article about a murder, and that really brought malice home to me. To experience it in me that intensely was shocking indeed. Peter’s Journal, ‘Intelligence’

But it is possible to free yourself of malice ... if you are interested, that is.

30.1.1999

RESPONDENT: I sent this question to you personally but now I’ll give it out to the whole list just to expose what is not true. If you know truth why all these words and so many discussion? Simple question, isn’t it? Let me add a second one, why didn’t you answer this question? Third: does this mean there is still a motive or purpose?

PETER: Are you for real?

Just what I am I to make of all this. Is your last post pure sarcasm? One post you are exposing me and telling me that what I am saying is ‘BULLSHIT’ and the next post is sprinkled with thank you’s, enjoyments and love.

I can only think that this is similar to the Sannyasins I would see all ‘lovey-dovey’ in the ashram and would see them half an hour later abusing some rickshaw driver.

RESPONDENT: No I am not sarcastic and I am for real. Exposing what is not true has nothing to do with you but I’m sorry you took it that way.

I was not pissed off but I strongly disagree on what you said about that whomsoever found truth would feel the urge to find disciples and ‘preach’ ie teach. But anyway disagreement to me is not that I don’t enjoy what you are doing on this list. Discussion is never bad since everybody is forced to at least make up his own ‘mind’ instead of consoling him/herself with borrowed knowledge. So, I am for real, you misunderstood by words you mistook but since this is media which goes no further than only words and not feelings I can’t blame you, couldn’t happened to a nicer fellow, English would say.

PETER: So I ‘mistook’ your words, I ‘misunderstood’, but you can’t ‘blame’ me, but you are sorry ‘I took it that way’. I guess you have therefore ‘exposed’ me anyway – to prove that it was me that got it wrong.

How did you manage to free yourself of the instinctual drives of fear and aggression that are at the root of all human malice? Do you mean you never get angry, peeved, upset, impatient with someone, annoyed with a bad driver, niggled if someone butts in, and do you manage this while living and working with other people? Just curious.

With regard to your statement –

RESPONDENT: Discussion is never bad since everybody is forced to at least make up his own ‘mind’ instead of consoling him/herself with borrowed knowledge.

PETER: Yes, this level of discussion usually involves talking about things on a ‘surface level’ and then maybe taking on board what someone else has said as a bit of one’s ‘self’. Sort of a ‘that sounds good’ – I’ll add it to my bag and maybe re-arrange things a bit to ‘clip it’ on to ‘me’. This sort of response is most evident in the New Dark Age where yet another ‘new’ ancient knowledge sweeps through town. Feng Shui is one that comes to mind – all of a sudden relationships haven’t been working because the Chi has been flowing out the back door or into the toilet seat (if you left the lid open).

It is all simply a re-arrangement of one’s ‘self’. For me, I was Peter the husband, father and architect and when that ‘me’ collapsed in a weeping heap ‘I’ became Prabhat, the Sannyasin. The taking of a new name was symbolic of taking on a new identity and boy ... was I proud to be with the ‘Master of Masters’.

I simply took on the Eastern spiritual philosophy with all its mythical tales, all passed down for millennia.

The sort of discussion we are attempting to have here is one that investigates and exposes all the ‘borrowed knowledge’, Wisdoms, psittacisms and beliefs. And it is not only confrontational to dig deeper, it is downright threatening. It is life-threatening to the ‘self’ – the who you ‘think’ you are and who you ‘feel’ you are that in fact consists of nothing more than this ‘borrowed knowledge’, overlaying a primitive instinctual self.

It is so scary that most people will not even begin the process of a serious discussion of these matters – blindly flapping that they already ‘know’ it all, this is ‘nothing new’, it’s just another ‘truth’, they have no beliefs or ‘borrowed knowledge’, they have found an ‘authentic self’ or a Divine self, an unconditional Love or even a ‘no-self’ self.

For me, when it was scary or confrontational I knew it was ‘me’ who was feeling scared, or fearful. It was fear in my body and I wanted to be free of fear.

The only way to be free of fear is to get rid of ‘me’ who was fearful. When I met Richard and understood that what he was offering meant the end of me, I plunged right in. I figured ‘I had nothing left to lose’ except more of what I knew was a second-rate life, and then I’d die.

To be free of fear – happy and harmless, benign.

Anything but even begin to question ‘what’ it is to be a human being. The lost, lonely, frightened and very, very cunning entity that is ‘me’ desperately avoids any discussions that are at all scary, preferring to ‘play in the shallows’.

Maybe one day we can begin to dig a bit into the Human Condition rather than snorkel around the surface wondering whether these are safe waters to swim in. They are not – they are anathema to the very ‘self’ – the seat of malice and sorrow within us.

But dare to eliminate the ‘self’ and ... hey presto! – the actual world of delight, perfection and purity is immediately apparent and obvious. That which we so desperately seek in the ‘inner’ spirit-ual world with a synthetic ‘feeling’ of love or Love is actually here – a direct palpable intimacy with things, events and people.

It was here all the time, only ‘my’ very existence was preventing me, this flesh and blood body, from being here.

The only way I can be here in the actual world is for ‘me’ to self-immolate.

And it’s the journey of a lifetime ...