25.11.1998

PETER: Hi,

I was a Rajneeshee for some 15 years full on, living in various communes, giving money, countless hours of worship, meditation, Satsang, white robe, discourses, etc. – so I have well experienced the world of Osho.

When I first became a Rajneeshee, I was attracted by two things –

• The promise at what I would call peace of mind, the permanent cessation the endless self-centred churning thoughts and emotions in me.
• The promise of peace on earth, the emergence of a ‘new man’, such as would bring an end to war, pollution, poverty, repression, violence and sorrow on this fair planet.

I turned my back on the normal world and, falling in love with the Master, launched myself into this new adventure. I was particularly taken by his wisdom about Religions and the problems they cause and the fact that most wars and persecutions are the result of blindly following some particular Religious doctrine and defending or attacking others of differing belief. <snip>

In the end I had to admit that Spirituality was a failure for me and was as inherently flawed as all other religious pursuits.

Up until now there have only been two alternatives on offer for a human being, either to be normal and accept the world as it is, or be spiritual/religious. The only difference between the last two is that religion promises paradise in an after-life and spiritual (eastern religion) offers a glimpse of it while ‘in the body’ and a ‘final’ release into a glorious after-life (Nirvana, etc.)

Now there is a third alternative – a new, non-spiritual, down-to-earth, actual freedom.

A freedom from the Human Condition of sorrow and malice – the freedom to be happy and harmless.

RESPONDENT: For the people who are really on the path there is no expectation, no past, no future and this is what is almost impossible. It is very easy to be slave whole life but only if someone gives you guarantees that you will get the ultimate prize in the end. Every day I can only see people who want those guarantee. There is only two kind of people: Those who believes in promises only and those who wants some guarantees that promises will be fulfilled after some time. To be Enlightenment or Enlightened are goals too and my opinion is that Enlighten... – whatever state is when ego reach pure perfection. Maybe I’m right maybe I’m wrong but who can tell, or better who can convince me that I’m wrong. Look carefully, who is searching those states of endless joy with in you. Is it the ‘One’ or is it after all unhappy Ego which don’t know does ’he’ want to be happy or not.

To much love is not Love. To much love is just to much expectation. Maybe some of us expect to much all the time and constantly forgetting fact that we have right to expect only from ourselves.

Peter, if you are finally found a state which is constantly joyful and wonderful and free of all beliefs or whatever, you should thank Osho Rajneesh cause you have similar destiny case like Gautama Buddha. He was searching 6 years (only) and in the moment when he was too tired of everything ... ops! sorry – you all already know the story. Everything out there (literally) you may use like helping tool in the path. Disturbance and everything bad is caused only from things in our heads ... I think ...

PETER: In my experience the disturbance and everything bad is caused not only by what is in our ‘heads’ but by the passions and loves within our ‘hearts’. These passions, feelings, beliefs, emotions, and instinctual drives are the very things that we kill and die for. They are why we form religions, fight wars, cause us to attack and defend. The self is both a psychological (cerebral) and psychic (affective) entity and until we eliminate both from ‘inside’ us peace and harmony will remain an impossible dream, both individually and for the human species as a whole.

8.12.1998

PETER: Good to get a note from you with some questions –

So, here are some iconoclastic answers, with not a hint of humility.

Humility is such a phoney concept and only covers the pride and arrogance lurking beneath. It is well practiced in the East to the point of absurdity. And there is non so self-righteous as he/she who thinks they are at one with God, God’s messenger, or has the power of God in there hearts or hands... or some similar scenario.

Some-one said to me recently that what I am talking is Wisdom. He missed the point as he was simply trying to fit the facts as I was conveying them and fitting them into his tradition. Buddhism was his thing, but when I pointed out there were serious doubts as to whether Mr. Buddha was an actual flesh and blood human, as there is a similar lack of factual evidence for there ever having been a Mr. Jesus, the conversation died in the bum. Too close to his personal beliefs! So much for Wisdom...

RESPONDENT: Peter wrote: – so much words that I can only ... pay you respect because: Your Ego is 100 tons weight and you have very, very strong neck in order to carry this monster. Almost alone against all that people on the list for about how much time – 3 weeks? Even if I actually don’t agree with you in many points I still pay you respect ...

PETER: Respect is a fickle thing. As with the guy I mentioned above, he paid a sort of respect in saying I was talking wisdom, but then would be saying something different about me to others. The way I look at the issue is similar to the way I look at a building. I have been a builder, and when I see a building that is built well, I admire the way it is built because I can see the care, consideration and effort that has gone into it. It is an admiration of the quality of human achievement.

When I met Richard, I admired what a fellow human being had achieved in ridding himself of malice and sorrow.

What an extra-ordinary achievement to have found a solution such that it is now a realistic expectation that one day there will be an end to war, murder, torture, abuse, famine, repression, religion, spiritual-ism, suicide, depression and sadness. Not only to have discovered a way to be free of the Human Condition, but also to have worked out a simple method, whereby anyone can do it themselves, and to be able to effectively convey it to others with the written word, wherever they are on the planet.

A bit from my journal might give you another view point –

[Peter]: ‘In abandoning god and the spiritual path I was abandoning the good, striking out on my own with neither the protection of the herd nor of the gods. It does take a certain psychological courage. Richard likens it to everyone huddling in fear around a fire on a dark night, and he wandered off into the darkness and found it to be both safe and delightful. But people, looking at him as he says ‘it’s okay – there’s nothing to fear out here’, see only demons and the devil. I can also now report thus far that they are only imaginary, and it is safe and delightful in the actual world of things and events. Exactly as it was in the peak experience I had all those years ago.’ Peter’s Journal, ‘Fear’

RESPONDENT: ... or maybe your endless arguing with people on the list is helping you to ripe your Ego, to make it perfect ...

PETER: What I see is, that someone who swans around being at one with God or God-realised with worshipping disciples is on the Grandest of all Ego Trips. And we let them get away with it because we are instinctually driven to follow the herd, to want to make someone else a leader so we can meekly follow.

It’s such a poor excuse not to look at what anyone is saying to do the old ‘your just ego-tripping’ thing. In this country we call it the tall-poppy syndrome – any one who sticks their head above the crowd gets it cut off.

That’s why I like the times we live in – the Net allows a conversation like this for the first time in human history – where one is able, with reasonable safety, to challenge the Wisdom of the past. I did sit down for a long while to contemplate the safety of doing what I am doing but I also figure that who I am talking to may be riled, but only aggressive with words. I remember a childhood rhyme that went ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me’.

RESPONDENT: or you are actually an enlightened person and in subtle way you helping people to release the pressure in a way that they finally have somebody to say: ‘Fuck you!’

PETER: I like Richard’s description that the Enlightened Ones have feet of clay. No doubt many sought a genuine freedom based on their peak experiences, but they have been seduced by the Glory, Glamour and Glitz of Enlightenment. And then they collect followers, found a movement, and yet another religion is born. Some, unable to muster the required level of megalomania to stand on their own, slot into a ‘lineage’, thus latching on to the power and authority of their master. This is usually safely done when the master is dead and thus their ‘credentials’ can remain unchallenged.

The Guru’s have had there day, but it is what they have chosen to do with their lives. I just see them as peddlers of snake oil. They sell a feel-good ‘balm’ for a disease, that offers ‘relief’ if you are believe it, but does nothing to cure the disease called the Human Condition.

And, no, there is no way I can ‘help’ anybody, nor would I want to. I am simply pointing out the facts of what it is to be a human being, the facts about the world or the belief system we are born into and programmed with, and my experience of how to become actually free of it. I am also pointing out the traps and failures of the ancient God-ridden paths that offer a mere synthetic ‘feeling’ of freedom – a poor, poor substitute for the actual freedom that most people have experienced for fleeting times in their lives.

RESPONDENT: – but you are not offended cause ‘Forgive them God cause they don’t know what they doing’.

PETER: For a start God is but the figment of our fertile imaginations, implanted and reinforced by social conditioning. Thus we have a myriad of representations of God depending on cultural backgrounds. As for ‘they don’t know what they are doing’, nobody does. We are born into a world into the safety of a family who rear us and socially condition us to fit in. This is done by carrot and stick and consist mainly of teaching us what is considered right and wrong, good and bad.

Then, when we start to interact and spend time with our peers outside the family we begin to develop a personal identity such that we play a role in society at large. We adopt beliefs, behaviour patterns etc. such as to fit in – or we adopt the identity of a rebel of sorts, going through life adopting positions and beliefs such that will reinforce our identity. All this is on top of a wired-in set of survival instincts that drive us in fear, aggression, nurture and desire. To say that we ‘know’ what we are doing is to ignore the facts of what we are – human animal – and how we are programmed – social animal.

When I met Richard, I had to admit that I knew not one skerrick (... a colloquial term for nothing) about what it is to be a human being. And I knew nothing about freedom after 18 years on the spiritual path. It took me 12 months to ‘dig myself out’ of all the beliefs that I had accepted as truths. 12 months of intense, exciting, thrilling, astounding investigation. I kid you not when I say it was the adventure of a lifetime.

And now I am able to tell anyone else who is interested enough to give it a go.

RESPONDENT: You are feeling responsible for all the unenlightened people on the planet?

PETER: No, I pass on that one. I found that the only person I could change was myself. I tried blaming others, trying or hoping everybody else would change and then it would be all right. I set a realistic goal of changing myself. Now, it is possible to help someone else but only if they are interested. But I limit myself to a few hours a day, a few e-mails seems a good balance.

I wrote my journal as a definitive piece and reading a bit of it the other day it is a good story. I wanted to ‘point the way’ to Richard’s writings, which were the tool by which I became free. So, anything I do beyond that bit of writing is a bonus... I do like the ‘live’ aspect of typing these words ... not knowing what is coming next ...

RESPONDENT: or you are intellectual masochist ...

PETER: No, neither. I trained as an architect but found the whole business a bit too intellectual. So I spent most time actually building, on site, hammer and nail bag stuff. I like practical hands-on work so words, writing, and the like are new to me. I have no interest in intellectual pursuits – I find so much of it to be mere ‘wanking’ (masturbation).

I write now because I enjoy it, it is good fun to offer – for the first time – an alternative that works.

It is the next significant change that will happen with humans – that we will gradually see peace and harmony spread on the planet. It is no small thing that Richard has discovered. It is a leap to a new species no longer driven by felines of fear, aggression, nurture and desire.

And each person is free to do it themselves or not. Cute Hey ... Perfect.

As for masochism, I aim for safety, comfort, and avoid the possibility of pain. I am a coward of the first order.

RESPONDENT: I pay you respect and I’m not sarcastic. But tell me what is the real reason for all this?

PETER: Why do I write?

To finally put an end to war, rape, torture, famine, suicide, sexual abuse, repression, suicide, slavery. This is happening right now as I write these words to real, actual flesh and blood human beings. It is not an illusion. I live in a relatively safe place, but we have policemen with guns to curb and control the worst of violence, and this country spends a lot of money on maintaining an army to keep other tribes from invading.

If you are in it for yourself then Enlightenment is the thing – self-aggrandizement if ever there was one. If you care about your fellow human beings then to become actually free is the only game to play. I write iconoclastically because we have been fed too much bullshit, lied to, conned, promised the moon, put off asking questions and told to trust, have faith and it will ‘all be right’. It is time for some straight talking ... a dialogue, a discussion about the Human Condition, some intelligent conversation based on facts... rather than what some fairy-tales some guys made up 2 or 3,000 years ago, and what we still regard as Sacred or Wisdom. Or should I be more humble? Am I not bowing low enough to the Divine? The good thing about not believing in the Divine is that I also don’t believe in blasphemy, so I am free to write of facts rather than merely regurgitate beliefs!

Why do I write?

Because there will be another Peter out there who admits to be lost, lonely, frightened and very, cunning ... and desperately wants to be free.

For me, as I was when I first came across Richard ... I just felt I had nothing left to lose ... and what else was I going to do with the rest of my life anyway?

The idea of becoming happy and harmless and of being able to live with a woman in peace and harmony was the best offer I had come across yet.

And what an adventure ...

So, good to chat to you, I enjoyed it.

17.12.1998

PETER: Hi, you asked good questions. I like it.

RESPONDENT: Let us say (hypothetically for now) that you had actually found something new, something revolutionary, some alternative way to simple and pure human happiness. That’s nothing but wonderful.

First, using Internet and mailing lists is perfectly OK, if informing people is the only case. But if you want to actually convert people through the Internet ... I don’t know. It looks like a very futile attempt to me.

PETER: I have said many times the only purpose of writing is offer a new down-to-earth non-spiritual freedom in case anyone is interested. It is my experience that it can be conveyed through words, that is how I got to be free of the Human Condition of malice and sorrow. What sense anyone makes of what I am saying is their business – their freedom to live their life as they want. If they want to get Enlightened, then well and good.

RESPONDENT: I think that you don’t know anything about psychology of average man (or a woman) sitting in front of a screen, connected to the Internet. Of course, I say ‘average’ in very conditional way, cause I’m well aware that nobody is in fact an average person. For me, when such an important and very sensitive matter (religion or freedom of any religion) is the case, live contact ‘eye to eye’ is what is actually missing.

PETER: In my life, I have learnt many things from talking with, or observing, other people face to face, but I have also learnt much from reading. Just as importantly contemplating on an issue such that I came to my own sensible understanding (or realization) about something. If someone is interested in spirit-ual freedom then the Energy of the Master, or the energy of the group is usually essential as a transmission of this Truth, Love or Divine Energy or feeling. Of course, these feelings can also be induced by intensive periods of meditation, such that one withdraws from the real world and attains, for whatever period an Altered State of Consciousness. The problem usually is the real world still exists outside the group room, ashram or meditation room.

Actual freedom is a proven method to live happily and harmlessly in the market place without the need to withdraw into the spiritual realms.

RESPONDENT: You know, I could write many nice words, I could say to everybody: ‘I found the way!!! Come and follow me!!! I’m finally free and only thing I want now is to share this freedom with you people. Let we all be brave and change the world. Let we all make this sad planet a better place, a heaven’. Of course Internet is huge, and if I’m very persistent and little patient, in few months or years, small percentage of those desperate people will hook up. But on Internet ‘small percentage’ may be figures of 100.000 people, and after some time 100.000 become few millions. I finally make it. I have an audience of few million people. I will write few books, make same videotapes, CD, DVD and whatever ... Of course, there will be always few people who will question me, but right now when I have big bucks ($$.$$$.$$$) it’s no problem to ... solve that problem.

PETER: I have no idea how many other people will become actually free before I die. At present it is only a handful of people who are interested, but I think it is reasonable to assume that there is another Peter or Vineeto out there somewhere who will take this on. Someone else will give it a go. As for money – no. You have to sell things that are popular, something that makes people ‘feel’ good. Their is nothing in this for the lost, lonely, frightened and very, cunning entity but extinction, the opposite of the current popular wisdom that one should love or accept one’s ‘self’.

As for $$$$$’s – I long ago set my sights higher than power, wealth or fame. I like it that actual freedom is available on the Net, free, and most importantly, cannot be censored or manipulated.

RESPONDENT: Nobody can change this sad planet. Look this way, right now we have about six billion people, so many religions and religious movements, so many conflicts, so many bloody wars, so much hunger, rape, crime, killings ... and very powerful people whose are very much alike with such a situation, and average man is full of fears for himself, for his job, for his children ... It will be, what it will be and if some says to me ‘I want to change myself’ I’m due to believe him, but if some says to me ‘I write to finally put an end to war, rape, torture, famine, suicide, sexual abuse, repression, suicide, slavery’ – I don’t know man. I didn’t lose my faith but ...

PETER: I remember when I first came across Richard and he said it is possible to be happy and harmless, and to live with a woman in peace and harmony. I had tried the normal path of family, career, money, relationships, being part of a group, etc., and had the feeling I had done it all. I had got to the stage that the career option of being a Guru didn’t seem what I wanted to be. So I simply decided make being free of malice and sorrow my main business in life. And I was successful. So, I really did it for me, for my personal peace. But if others take this on as an aim in life then we may well eventually have happy and harmless people on the planet. It may well take thousands of years but it is now possible.

RESPONDENT: And did you think about what would be if, for example, some person starts to present him self as Jesus Christ (for the second time amongst us). What is the miracle, which he must perform in order to people start believing in him. In this moment we have a great number of miracle men all around the world. In comparison with them Christ would be nothing but a cheap magician.

PETER: From where I see things, as long as he/she has God on their side they can promise anything and people will still believe. Christians still await the second coming. Buddhists await the return of Maitreya, and Rajneeshees for the new man.

RESPONDENT: Maybe your intentions are sincere, but then how can you expect from the people to just believe you and take you for granted only on the basis of dead words presented somewhere on the Internet?

PETER: I said in the Afterword to my journal, and here in this mailing list, not to merely believe what I am saying. It is such a poor way to live one’s life on the basis of believing what other people say.

For me, facts and common sense beat belief and feelings any day. If I was running a business and wanted to be successful I would rely on facts and common sense. I simply applied the same sense to being here as a flesh and blood human being and then the magic really began to happen.