3.2.1999

PETER: Hi,

RESPONDENT No 12: Getting back to my story, ... <Snip> ... At the first annual world celebration at the ranch in 1982, on the first day not wanting to wait in line all night, I slept in and was one of the last to arrive. I walked in to Rajneesh Mandir, and feeling the open hearts of 12,000 people, I burst out crying and didn’t stop for hours. Now years later, I don’t feel I know anything really, yet I have a perspective from which to see and understand. It has just occurred to me that this list is the only place I really ‘talk’ about this. (I’ve been wondering what my attraction to this list is about.)

RESPONDENT to No 12: This is the first time I have really felt you in an e-mail. Beautifully put.

PETER: I see you liked No 12’s story –

Swapping stories is surely one of the most useful by-product of discussion. That we can swap stories as to what we have found out about being a human being.

I would like to tell you my ‘ranch’ story –

[Peter]: ... ‘The first time I saw Rajneesh was when he came out, outlandishly dressed, and sat on the podium in the huge meeting hall. Ecstatic music alternated with sitting in silence. It was an extraordinary, moving experience. Here he was at last, and what a show! Every day we would form up in a mile-long snaking line in the baking sun as he slowly drove by in one of his many Rolls Royces. Being part of this multi-national movement, building a city in the desert to challenge the world, to bring a ‘new man’ to the planet and to be with the ‘Master of Masters’, was hearty stuff indeed. The years in India had been the hippy years of therapy and rebellion, with Rajneesh intimately involved. These were the years of building Rajneeshpuram with Rajneesh himself in silence and isolation. For me those five years were a time of continual ‘worship’ and excitement, being part of this great experiment, and there was little time for, or emphasis on, therapy or meditation.

But beneath the surface things were beginning to go terribly wrong on the Ranch. The local authorities were becoming increasingly alarmed at what was happening and began to legally challenge the city’s development. The women in power began a program of trenchant legal resistance and more and more resorted to covert activities of vote rigging, bugging, dirty tricks and even poisoning. Rajneesh began talking again, also to the press, goading the local community and the politicians. The city had its own police force, and I remember seeing videos of residents training with guns, such was the feeling of paranoia that was developing. At my last festival visit some of my friends acted as guards for Rajneesh, standing on the podium with automatic weapons. On several occasions I helped to guard around the commune, but never armed. Rumours abounded that the government was going to close the Ranch, come what may, and that the National Guard was on stand-by. When the illegal activities became known, the FBI came to investigate. Rajneesh publicly proclaimed his ignorance of any wrong-doings and several days later flew out in his private jet, only to be arrested trying to leave the country. Photo by C. William Byron Miller, http://www.empnet.com/imageworks/Raj.1

Questions that were never convincingly answered for me from this time were: ‘Did Rajneesh know what was going on, and if he didn’t, why didn’t he?’ The answer I most often heard as a justification was that it was all a ‘lesson’ for us about power and responsibility. In other words: we were at fault, not him. I could not make any sense of it at all, but I was mostly grateful that he was eventually released and safe. The question that most haunted me later was a theoretical one: ‘If I had been there at the time, what would I have done if the city had been attacked? Would I have fought to stop them, to protect Rajneesh? Would I have taken a gun if offered? Would I have killed?

The answer is most probably ‘yes’, given the fervour, paranoia and passion of my faith and belief at the time. I had actually experienced what it is that makes people kill others, to die for their belief or to protect their leader.’ ... Peter’s Journal, ‘Spiritual Search’

8.2.1999

PETER:

[Peter]: ...‘The question that most haunted me later was a theoretical one: ‘If I had been there at the time, what would I have done if the city had been attacked? Would I have fought to stop them, to protect Rajneesh? Would I have taken a gun if offered? Would I have killed?

The answer is most probably ‘yes’, given the fervour, paranoia and passion of my faith and belief at the time. I had actually experienced what it is that makes people kill others, to die for their belief or to protect their leader.’ ... Peter’s Journal, ‘Spiritual Search’

RESPONDENT: Well, now that the old man has snuffed, we will probably never know for sure...

PETER: In reply to your comments on my story –

Yes, the idea that the guns, poisonings, buggings, vote rigging, bombings, etc. were all a device to teach us a lesson, got everyone – including Rajneesh – off the hook from examining and being responsible for their actions. Except the ‘scapegoats’, of course, some of whom are still serving long prison sentences.

It certainly allowed me to slide off the hook for years until my honesty finally caught up with me.

RESPONDENT: You also said... ‘I had actually experienced what it is that makes people kill others, to die for their belief or to protect their leader.’

And maybe to protect a loved one? Or am I not being cynical enough?

PETER: The reason I asked myself this question this question 2 years ago was that I was exploring what aspects of the Human Condition that I saw (and condemned) in others was present in me. I always liked that line from John Lennon’s song –

♪♫ ‘Imagine there’s no countries ... it isn’t hard to do,

Imagine all the people ... living life in peace ... ‘ ♪♫

As a child it was always so strange that if there was such a thing as a God-creator, how come there were so many different versions and how come people fought wars over which one was right. I could never quite get enthusiastic about Christianity – the idea of a white-bearded God sitting on a cloud and overseeing all this was pretty silly to me. And as for sending his Son down so he could do a few miracles, start a Religion, be nailed to a cross, and after a few days go back up to sit alongside Dad and see how it works out...!! If there was a God, how come he made the mess in the first place, and if he was responsible for this mess, why the hell didn’t he just come down and sort it out!

But I have digressed off on to another of my ‘raves’. The point is that I was concerned about what was it that caused the Religious wars on the planet. When I contemplated on my Sannyas years I had to admit that I probably would have killed to protect my Master – exactly as the followers of any other Master, Guru, Prophet, God would do. The killing is done to ‘protect a loved one’ as you rightly pointed out, but it is killing, whatever the motive.

What I was interested in was the willingness to kill – the instinct of aggression. This instinct is often triggered by fear, but has been implanted in humans to ensure that the offspring are protected sufficiently to ensure the survival of the species. Having had 2 children, one of whom died at an early age, I know the powerful urge to give my life as a sacrifice to ensure my offspring’s survival. It is this ‘blind’ instinct in me that I was interested in investigating, understanding and eliminating. Such that I would never again blindly kill, or be killed, for ‘love’ of country or ‘love’ of God. To free myself of malice.

As I said recently on the list –

‘To even consider a journey into yourself to free yourself of the Human Condition requires a burning discontent with life as it is – both for yourself and for your fellow human beings’.

Or am I being too naïve ...?

RESPONDENT: Recently, I was speaking to someone who was carrying a gun there, in fact many of them were friends of mine, and interestingly, he was of the opinion that many of them would not have been able to kill anyone. So maybe that is why you weren’t given a gun!

PETER: T’is interesting writing on this list. When I said I was a Sannyasin to find peace of mind and peace on earth (the New Man), I was told I was silly. When I said I was seeking Enlightenment, I was told I was silly. When I said Rajneesh was talking about God, I was told I was silly. When I said Rajneesh was teaching in the Eastern spiritual tradition, I was told I was silly. When I said I saw the Religion forming, I was told I was silly. When I said that I probably would have killed to protect Rajneesh – all of a sudden I am the only one who loved him that much!

The level of denial is quite breath-taking. Most take the facts we are talking of and take them personally, whereas we are talking of the Human Condition – common to all. Any personal experiences we relate, as evidence of the Human Condition in us, is then used against us, as a defence for the status quo.

Maybe I am just too naïve ... but I do like naiveté – it’s the closest quality to innocence that we humans can muster.

9.2.1999

PETER: You have raised some excellent points, so I will reply in two posts. The answers are not necessarily brief, but they are concise.

They are concise in that they are to the point – they indicate a new avenue for investigation, a new way to view the Human Condition.

*

PETER: Yes, the idea that the guns, poisonings, buggings, vote rigging, bombings, etc. were all a ‘device’ to teach us a lesson, got everyone – including Rajneesh – off the hook from examining and being responsible for their actions. Except the ‘scapegoats’, of course, some of whom are still serving long prison sentences.

It certainly allowed me to slide off the hook for years until my honesty finally caught up with me.

RESPONDENT: It always seemed a strange idea to me, that it should all be a device, as if Osho was sitting there designing this kind of situation to teach us a lesson. Firstly, human nature is quite capable of coming up with this sort of stuff on its own, without any help. And secondly, well, I really can’t see him being bothered with it. Out of interest, what happened when your honesty caught up with you...?

PETER: He is quoted as saying – ‘I had chosen Sheela to give you a little taste of what fascism means.’ Osho

When my honesty caught up with me, it forced me to admit that I was as mad and as bad as everyone else in the world. As I wrote last year –

[Peter]: ... ‘Indeed, that has been the innate drive in my life: to make sense of this mad world that I found myself living in. The insanity of endless wars, conflict, arguments, sadness, despair, failed hopes and dreams seems endemic. And worse still, as I gradually forced myself to admit, I was as mad, and as bad, as everyone else. I had tried all of the solutions that Humanity offered in order to be happy, but in the end they made no sense and haven’t worked to sort out the mess.’ ... Peter’s Journal, ‘Foreword’

It meant that I couldn’t turn away any more. If there was to be an end to malice and sorrow on this fair planet – it was up to me. For ‘I’ am humanity, and Humanity is me. I could no longer be dishonest and blame others for the religious wars, persecutions, reparations, tortures, and ‘sectarian’ violence that still rage on earth.

*

PETER: As a child, it was always so strange to me that if there was such a thing as a God-creator, <snipped> why the hell didn’t he just come down and sort it out!

RESPONDENT: Luckily for me, I wasn’t brought up with a religious background, so this question never occurred, I had the outsider’s view, and hence another question. It was all so illogical, why did people believe this crap in the first place?

PETER: Everybody has had some form of religious background. It permeates every facet of every society, no matter where we were born on the planet. To be an outsider is to feel detached, remote, removed, alien or inferior / superior.

As to why people believe in a superior Being / Energy / Force – as is common in both the East and in the West?

Again a bit I wrote in the Fear-chapter that is relevant –

[Peter]: ... ‘My investigations into fear were most revealing. What I came to discover was that human beings are born with an instinctual passion of fear. I only had to observe the animal world to observe fear in action. That world of varying species, all somewhere on the food chain for another species; that world of death and carnage, fight, defend and attack. Kill or be killed, mostly for food to survive, often just for the killing’s sake. Human beings come programmed with exactly this same instinctual passion, of course. My old ancestor Cro-Magnum was, after all, an animal fighting it out with other animals for food, territory and survival. Can you imagine waking up one morning in your cave, the kids are hungry and crying and a bear, tiger or pack of wolves is sniffing around outside, waiting to have you for breakfast? Or you are coming home after a hard day’s hunting and you run into another human on the path with a long spear and he wants you for his supper. Now that’s actually fearsome. And night-time must have been horrendous – so many animals have better night-sight than humans.

The noises in the night must have sounded like demons. No wonder the sun was worshipped. So Cro’s fear was the fear of an animal, and very real – the fear of survival; the survival instinct.

But we present-day humans are also ‘wired’ with that very same instinct to survive and as such are forced to go on repeating the same patterns even if it is no longer necessary – even if it is harmful to ourselves! I see this in documentaries of animal behaviour – some of the great migrations in animals are actually suicide runs where birds will fly for thousands of kilometres over areas of good feed and climate to go to some particular spot, and only a tiny percentage survive. But the pattern is repeated again and again and again – for generations and millennia. And it is not only taught to the siblings but comes pre-wired as an instinct. Similarly I was born with a set of instinctual passions that in present times are not only redundant but are actually harmful in that they cause malice and sorrow in me. Blind nature – the animal instinct in me – cares not for my happiness and wellbeing: in fact, it is the very cause of my misery and pain!

Of course it gets a lot more complex than that, because humans have a highly sophisticated brain, able to reflect and communicate, and also a rudimentary ‘self’. This ‘self’ has developed into a cunning and perverse entity, layered with beliefs, myths, morals, fears, fairy stories, gods and devils. The psychic world was born and flourished in fear and superstition, peddled by the witches, shamans, priests and God-men. A world of spirits – the spirit-ual world of Good and Bad. The world of ritual and ceremony, prophecy and divination, belief and faith, charms and omens. Supreme in this world on the side of the Good are the saints, popes, and the Enlightened ones, not to mention a few thousand Gods. And a continual battle is fought against Evil, the non-believers, the heathens and the godless. It is all fought out in the ‘cosmos’ – some sort of ancient mythical version of cyberspace. And it is fought over vast eons of time in alternate universes, on different planes or astral dimensions.

The Heaven I was told about as a kid – and thought to be silly – has nothing on this! The whole world is increasingly becoming a psychic battleground as New?-Age bookshops, and the magazines, therapists and gurus provide the ammunition. They are selling medicine and remedies for fear, while at the same time actively fuelling people’s fears, as it is good business to do so. The predictions and prophecies of doom and gloom, the stories of suffering and mental anguish are insidiously spread, reinforced and embellished to actively promote and maintain fear.’ ... Peter’s Journal, ‘Fear’