Selected Writings from Peter’s Journal
on Pure Consciousness Experience
The other thing that quickly emerged from these early discussions was the essential reference point of the ‘peak experience’, or Pure Consciousness Experience. It is an actual experience in one’s life when, for a brief period of time, one has an experience when the ‘self’ is temporarily in abeyance and everything is experienced as perfect and pure, magical and delightful. It took me a while to remember one, and I was sceptical at first, because it was an experience I had had after having taken the drug ecstasy. It had happened some twelve years ago. I had arranged with my partner at the time to take the drug by the foreshore of a large salt-water lake, opposite a holiday house where we were staying for the weekend. We arranged a comfortable picnic spot by the lake and popped a tablet each.
The past five years that I have known her, with all the memories of good and bad times, simply do not exist. It is just delightful that she is here with me, and I do not even have any thoughts of ‘our’ future. In short, everything is perfect, always has been, and always will be. It is a temporary experience of actual freedom where I, as this flesh and blood body only, am able to experience with my physical senses the perfection and purity of the universe, totally free of any psychological or psychic entity within. I am also free of the delusion that this is all the work of some mythical maker to whom I owe gratitude for ‘my’ being here, and there are no heartfelt delusions of grandeur or Oneness. So totally involving is this sensate experience that the feelings and emotions of a ‘self’ or ‘Self’ have no place in the magical paradise of this actual world that is abundantly apparent. I am actually here, in the physical universe and enjoying a direct and unfettered involvement, every moment.
As I racked my memory in the weeks after meeting Richard and Devika, this was the pure consciousness experience, the PCE, that stood out – this was how I wanted to experience life permanently, twenty-four hours a day, and this now became my intention. To replicate that ‘self’-less experience, as this mortal flesh and blood body, permanently, effortlessly, without drugs, became my intent in life and, very soon, my total obsession. Peter’s Journal, ‘Introduction’
I put my stock in confidence, certainty and a good deal of bloody-mindedness to try something different and the results are already beyond my wildest dreams! First, I made it the most important task in my life. Secondly, I realised that nobody could do it but me. Then I simply had to ride out the fear that arose from changing my behaviour – from actually eradicating part of myself. To live without the emotions and feelings of love defies all that we hold dear, but the facts are that love always fails, always ends in misery and suffering, or at best in compromise and bondage. Love is, after all, a well-meaning but doomed attempt to cover up the maliciousness and sorrow that is at the core of the Human Condition.
Of course there is an alternative to love, something vastly superior, and I knew it that day I looked out over the ocean. There is an ease, a simplicity and a delight in being in the company of a fellow human being who is equally committed to discovering and permanently experiencing this very perfection that is the physical universe. Peter’s Journal, ‘Love’
When the ‘self’ is eliminated, or absent as in the peak experience, what remains is bare awareness or apperception.
Apperception is best understood as experienced in the ‘peak experience’, when the bare awareness gives what appears to be a 360 degree vision. One experiences life with heightened physical senses and one’s intelligence operates without obstruction, free to respond to each situation appropriately – to people, things and events. All emotions and feelings (sorrow and malice) simply do not exist. Everything is then perfect, immediate, effortless, actual and delightful – free of the psychic entity. But, of course, recalling or remembering the ‘peak experience’ is tricky since there are no emotions happening at the time and therefore no emotional imprint is left to anchor the memory. I found it useful to deliberately attempt to bring whatever information possible ‘back’ from the peak experience to the ‘me’ functioning in the real world.
The inducing of near-peak experiences is therefore an essential process and can be undertaken by whatever means best suits. For me this includes sex and certain activities I particularly enjoy – sitting on the balcony late at night or early morning or walking the beach.
Soon a daring, then an obsession takes over, as it becomes the most incredible thing to do – to actually fix yourself up. Just as the body repairs itself, so can the brain be re-wired. As it becomes re-wired – more and more freed of the primitive brain and its instinctual fear and aggression – an actual freedom becomes increasingly apparent as being possible. The brain is the tool: I apply liberal doses of common sense to the affected areas and watch the beliefs fade away. Facts replace beliefs. It is so simple – and it works.
Also I personally sometimes found marijuana useful, when used with intent, as an aid to discussing a particular issue or when musing over some aspect of the human condition. I found it gave me the ability to delve deeper or see more clearly. It is a stimulant that somehow allows an opening to the actual: free of the primitive brain. Used socially to get ‘out of it’, it is a dead loss, of course, but to get ‘in’ to the psyche, I found it was useful to me. Also, marijuana is possibly useful in order to induce a peak experience of the actuality of being here in the physical world, with all its accompanying delights, its purity and perfection. Peak experiences are like signposts on the way – invaluable as knowledge of what I am aiming for, of my destiny from the moment I decided to give this one hundred percent, from the moment I determined I had nothing left to lose. Peter’s Journal, ‘Intelligence’
Then the day will eventually come when being happy and harmless is my very nature, rather than being malicious and sorrowful, as is Human Nature. Only then it will be effortless – once my part is done. It is indeed a wide and wondrous path to freedom… Peter’s Journal, ‘People’
I remember going sailing once. A wealthy businessman I knew, a Rajneesh disciple, had a luxurious 26 metre long wooden cruising yacht built to sail the world. Well, he got as far as Sri Lanka, left it there, and then got back into the business world. A friend took on the job of bringing it back home, and asked me if I would crew. We flew out to find a tired looking boat that had been mouldering in the tropics for a year. After a bit of maintenance, and stocking up of some vegetables and a few dead chickens from the local market we headed off – and straight into a storm. ‘What the hell am I doing here?’ I asked myself as the boat heeled at seemingly impossible angles while crashing and shuddering through the waves. The curry I had eaten the night before disappeared overboard and over me, and I found myself looking for that ‘fast-forward’ button again. But within a day or two the storm was a thing of the past and we were cruising.
A few days after that we ran out of wind as we hit the Doldrums – that area in the tropics where there often is no wind for weeks. Like all sailors before us we all went a bit mad as we drifted aimlessly in a flat mirror-like ocean beneath a baking cloudless sky. The only point of orientation was a faint horizon line separating two almost identical shades of blue – the sky and the sea. Our diesel fuel, unbeknown to us, had been contaminated in the tropics, and we had no alternative but to sit it out and wait for a wind, day after day.
I would deliberately take the midnight-to-dawn watch, alone on deck at the helm, while the others slept below. The sky was velvet black, carelessly strewn with diamond stars, the moonlight dancing on the dark ocean. The sky was intense, endless in depth; the ocean fluid, also seemingly endless in depth, and I and the boat I was on, insignificant in size and location.
But they stayed tucked in my memory as an experience of the actuality of the physical universe. I was a human being sitting on a boat located no-where in particular in the majesty of the universe. On reflection, those nights and other similar experiences have had an accumulative effect on me. A year or two later, when I did intensive meditation sessions, it was always a little strange to me that the meaning of life should be to sit rigidly for hours on end with my eyes shut trying to get somewhere else. How come the meaning of life was to either deny life or hide from it? Peter’s Journal, ‘The universe’
Recently someone said of Richard’s writings: ‘Why is he talking of everyday things?’ Well, when I wallowed in the world of emotions, feelings, energies and spirits, it was a full-time neurosis, and I couldn’t savour the delights of food, sex, conversation, doing ‘nothing’, playing FreeCell, reading a book, walking, sitting and watching the sky (or the ceiling). Now increasingly I do. Having nothing meaningful or useful or significant or urgent or exciting to do, day after day: and yet experiencing every day, each moment as near-perfect. Everyday life, everyday things. It has to be lived to be fully understood.
We rent a small flat, television, video, a couple of computers, two couches, a balcony with another couch and a couple of comfortable chairs, and a kitchen stocked with our favourite foods. In short, there is everything I need in life, and I live life in this flat almost as I did on the yacht those nights, many years ago. The physical ordinary things of life in this house are as actual, as extraordinary, as the wonders of nature. The universe has done a wonderful job in providing me with all the necessities I require for a delightful life, and I only need to work a little to earn sufficient money to pay the bills. Peter’s Journal, ‘The universe’
Peter’s Text ©The Actual Freedom Trust: 1997-. All Rights Reserved.