Please note that Peter’s Journal was written by the feeling-being ‘Peter’ while ‘he’ lived in a pragmatic (methodological), still-in-control/same-way-of-being Virtual Freedom before becoming actually free.

Selected Writings from Peter’s Journal

on People

One of the things that happened to me in this journey into the Human Condition is that my attitude to people underwent a radical change. I think it is a good time to talk a bit about people, because in the previous chapter I have given human beings rather a hard time. I was trying to explain some of the things that motivated me to ‘clean myself up’. Richard put it well the other day when he said that people put on rose-coloured glasses so they do not see the awful world. Seeing that people have grey coloured glasses on in the first place, merely swapping glasses is all a bit silly and it does not work!

His remedy is to take both glasses off – and what a wonderful, delightful, actual world is revealed when one takes the risk of eliminating that lost, lonely, frightened and very, very cunning entity that resides within. Of course perfection and purity is here all the time – only now I am closer to experiencing the actuality of it. It is amazing that I now get up in the morning and take it for granted that I will again have a near-perfect day.

But it does take effort, commitment, drive, ambition, stubbornness and sheer will power to get there. I called on every one of those attributes whenever I needed them. I remember casually talking to someone about meditation and he said dismissively – ‘Well, what you are into hasn’t even been proven’. That was enough to plunge me deeper into it; a sense of ‘bugger you, then I will prove it is possible’. And if it is possible for me to do then, of course, it is possible for anyone. It is simply a matter of facing and dispensing with the imaginary demons of beliefs, instinctual passions and moralities. Prime among these demons are the ideas about how we relate to other people, be they family, friends, sexual partners, religious groups or whatever. Much of the ‘who’ we think and feel we are, is actually ‘who’ we are in relation to other people – the ‘what do other people think of me?’ syndrome. Peter’s Journal, ‘People’

Here I was, aged about thirty, and I had done exactly what my father had done – married, two kids, house and job. In fact, I had done a bit better: We had two cars and owned the house (well, the bank did really but we pretended, like most others). But was this really what life was all about? I had worked for several periods in the ‘gung-ho’ business world where a man was called a good ‘performer’ if he gave his total time and effort to the firm. I found the male business world to be a ruthless cut-throat battleground where any method was justified to get a ‘deal’. Anything went in the pursuit of money, power and prestige – lies, back-stabbing, broken promises, ingratiating behaviour. If this was how it was to be in the competitive, dog-eat-dog world of business then I was a coward. Any idea of becoming a corporate warrior seemed senseless to me.

Also I did not play competitive sports, drink with the boys at the pub or have many male friends. In short, I had already gone a long way towards deserting the male camp. I was a wimp, a sissy, a coward, and I simply could not hack it in the male world. ‘A nice guy, but...’ was probably how they put it. Still, I made the best of life as it was and fulfilled my role as father, husband, provider and protector with a sufficient level of competency. I was in one of my ‘comfortably numb’ periods despite a nagging feeling of ‘is this all there is to life?’ Often I would think of my father’s only words of advice to me, ‘…it doesn’t matter what you do in life – be happy’. I was not, really, but then again, I saw nobody doing any better, so I figured this must be how it is. As good as it gets…? Peter’s Journal, ‘Living Together’

I remember about twenty years ago there was a lot of talk about the future, when automation and computers would reduce the amount of boring, repetitive and dangerous work humans did. And that then we would all work less and have increased leisure time. Well, that time has come, and suddenly we are calling it unemployment and a crisis! A few years ago I took on a young lad on the building site and he has turned out to be a good carpenter, so I figure he can take my place in the workforce – I’ll take the leisure time. And as for ‘Sustainable’ communities and ecology, I see them as nothing else but sustainable already – they already exist! And in constant change of course, as that is the nature of things. That the universe exists involves no effort on my part. When I get up in the morning I am aware it is here and doing well again. After all, there is no one in charge – there is no-one running this show – it is actually self-sustaining. Peter’s Journal, ‘The Universe’

It is remarkable to look back on my life and my failed attempts to live in companionship with a woman, and then to contemplate the remarkable success I am now enjoying. That this turn-around has happened in only twelve months is equally due to the willingness of my companion to probe into exactly why men and women seem unable to communicate, let alone live together, in peace and harmony. Together we have now made sense of the beliefs and instinctual passions that caused the inevitable previous failures we both experienced and we have now simply removed ourselves from the separate and warring camps that make the ‘battle of the sexes’ an ongoing and inescapable fact of life in man-woman relationships.

What a delight it is to live with a woman in easy companionship, where I can simply be myself with no pretence, no effort, no compromises, no bargains, no bonds. I am with her because I enjoy her company in all the activities we do together; just in her ‘being around’. It is delightful to have her as a companion. ‘It’s good you’re here’ is our favourite expression to each other. People around think that we are in love (little do they know!), and that it will wear off, as it always does; or that we are ‘soul mates’, having by some miracle found the ‘right one’. What we experience in our companionship is the direct result of mutual hard-won effort and not of some hand of fate or Karma. It is silly to worry whether this will last forever or that, given a change in circumstances, either of us may have a different companion at some future time. But I live with her as though it will be forever; totally, with no doubt – one hundred percent! Peter’s Journal, ‘Living Together’

Of course there is an alternative to love, something vastly superior, and I knew it that day I looked out over the ocean. There is an ease, a simplicity and a delight in being in the company of a fellow human being who is equally committed to discovering and permanently experiencing this very perfection that is the physical universe.

There is a contentment, satisfaction and exhilaration in knowing we have virtually eliminated sorrow, resentment, jealousy, dependency, moodiness, pining, competitiveness, neediness – indeed, all the emotions and feelings of love. The reward is a near-actual intimacy that is tangible, sensual, priceless, magical, alive, ever-fresh and ever-present. And this direct unfettered experience of the other is both delightful and delicious! We now get to constantly enjoy the fruits of our own labours. Cute hey!

We do indeed live in virtual peace and harmony… Peter’s Journal, ‘Love’

I have explained living with the other sex, but having children was an interesting experience. What an extraordinary thing to see a baby emerge into the world, and to see the pain that a woman goes through. What an extraordinary thing that the body is arranged to pump extra amounts of endorphins into the system, but it is also good also to see the relief modern pain-killers bring. I am told that women can have an amazing orgasmic experience when birthing – a good thing as far as I could see. It seemed to me that my role as a parent was, like that of my own parents, to provide comfort and support in the childhood years. Having two kids, it was fascinating to see such different people emerging from a common background and any idea of my intentionally moulding character or influencing behaviour seemed doomed – it was happening anyway. It was also bewildering to see spontaneous, unsolicited outbursts of fear and aggression in my children at times and wonder why. Now I know: we come instinctually ‘wired’ that way – the ‘innocence’ of children is but another unsubstantiated myth. A competency to cope and exist in the world – the very skills of survival – are useful to pass on but beyond that I tried to adopt a ‘hands-off approach’: mostly, I admit, because I felt I had no wisdom to pass on anyway. In the end I could only pass on my father’s advice – ‘be happy’ – not that I knew how to at the time.

It also happened in my children’s early life that both their parents launched themselves on the spiritual path with considerable gusto. This meant that from an early age they lived in various communities in different places with different people. Sometimes, when the situation got a bit shaky or wild, I would wonder if I was being a ‘good parent’, and of course in most people’s eyes I wasn’t. But I knew I had to live my life, to do what I had to do, otherwise I would end up resenting the children for the sacrifices I had made, or expecting them to make similar sacrifices for me one day. Our noble ideals of ‘giving’ and ‘sacrifice’ are in the end hollow ideals, and when not reciprocated, resentment abounds. I simply wanted no commitments, bonds or deals done – freedom on both sides. Of course, at times I had to put my nose down and forsake what I wanted; after all, this was the deal of having kids. I always did what was necessary to give them the best I could, but never did I expect anything in return.

I saw in others how much pain that attitude caused – the expectations, the bondage, the resentment on both sides. The last time I met my older son was interesting, as I was able to see quite clearly that here was a young adult with little experience in life, and yet he was so opinionated. He was mostly repeating what he had heard from others and he took it to be true – actual. Given that some of his opinions and values were really my past beliefs, I was able to see – quite shockingly – that ‘who’ we think we are consists of nothing more than the opinions and beliefs of others. I thought then of how I had been at that age – trying to make sense of life and grabbing on to anything that seemed to make sense or had appeal. So what ‘I’ was made up of as a social identity was nothing more than the opinions and beliefs of others – my father’s and those of my father’s generation, which in turn came from their fathers, and so on, back into the dim dark ages of the cave-men and cave-women.

This particular experience spurred me on to find out the facts of things, rather than simply believing others. I was determined to find out for myself, to explore, to try something new; anything to break this stranglehold on me. No longer would I trust the opinions of others, no matter how hallowed or learned, sacred or dear to me they appeared. It was to prove a wonderfully freeing experience. The intellectual ‘Giants of Humanity’ became just some guys (usually dead) with a particular opinion, belief or idea, but all of it just another version of the same old stuff. And the famed and holy ‘God-men’ became charlatans, masters of hypnotism, spells, spirits, double talk, and mystical drivel, all with a direct lineage to the witchdoctors of the primitive cavemen.

Then the whole concept of any authority outside of me, anything or anyone higher than me, completely disappeared. No more ‘Big Daddy’ or ‘Big Mummy’. What responsibility! But what freedom! Peter’s Journal, ‘People’

Living in the communes around Rajneesh gave me an excellent opportunity to meet and work with many people and see how people are together in a group. The initial feeling of ‘I have found my family at last’ was indeed euphoric. Not only to have found a Sage but also a community of like-minded people – all with the same beliefs and desires – a community of seekers! Because Rajneesh spoke so strongly against religion, society, morality, values and conditioning, we all found ourselves willing and actual outcasts from the rest of society. We all wore red clothes and had a necklace of wooden beads with a photo of Rajneesh on it. As a symbol of leaving the past behind, we were given Hindi names – mine was Prem Prabhat, meaning ‘Dawn of Love’. We lived communally, worked in commune-owned businesses, and the kids were cared for and lived together. These were heady days of purpose and idealism, heightened by a feeling of ‘them’ and ‘us’ – meaning everyone else was Wrong and we were Right.

We were superior, as we were followers of the ‘Master of Masters’ – the only one! And of course everyone else was a pagan, an unbeliever and needed to see the light. They were not one of ‘us’ and thus were missing out. An arrogance, inherent in being the Chosen Ones, was apparent. With this attitude it is no wonder that resentment grew in the community at large around us, and Rajneesh and those close to him simply added fuel to the fire. And fear is the essential fuel for creating a feeling of love and oneness; after all: no fear – no need for love; no devil – no need for God.

While most of this public conflict occurred in America at Rajneeshpuram, we had similar experiences in our commune. We wanted to establish our own school in the country, but ran into vehement local opposition, and of course the press beat up the story, inflaming the issue. In the end the tenders were reluctant to go to the local town even to shop and we would truck down our own food from the city. I remember working all day and then driving the builder’s truck loaded with provisions for a four-hour night drive to the school. I had a girlfriend working at the school and it was all very exciting at the time. We would jump into bed for some furtive sex, sleep for two hours if I was lucky, and then I would drive back and do a day’s work. The sense of being persecuted and the subsequent fear actually strengthened our resolve and made us stronger and more close-knit. We never got to the threat of an armed conflict as on the Ranch, but after four years the verbal abuse and vandalism against us was increasing. I remember at the end of the Ranch we were no longer required to wear red clothes or the necklace, and I took them off real quick. I did not enjoy any more being a target, particularly when I knew we had also incited the persecution. We gave as good as we got.

When the Ranch folded I would never again have that same enthusiasm, nor would many others. We had taken it from inspiration, through isolationism and fanaticism, to the brink of martyrdom, until Rajneesh pulled the plug and flew the coup. Peter’s Journal, ‘People’

I was doing a bit of casual ‘worship’ in the architect’s office one day towards the end of my stay when we were all asked to come up with some ideas for a new bedroom for Rajneesh. Within a week I found myself working in the inner compound where he lived, converting the original open meeting hall into a huge glass and Italian marble circular bedroom. What an opportunity! So when my visa expired, I went back home, sold a house I had purchased with others, and returned within three months. The project took almost two years, and I worked daily in his house, gaining many insights into the inner workings around Rajneesh himself. I met him twice, very briefly, which was quite a rare event as, apart from discourse, he spent his whole time isolated in his room. My impression of him was that he was on ‘another planet’, but that was what I expected anyway. The last time I saw him was when we had finished his room, and he looked very fragile and weak.

The room was completed and he moved in for a week, and then went back to his old bedroom.

Image from http://sannyas-spanish-noticias.blogspot.com.au/

I was then offered a job overseeing the building developments in the ashram, with the lure of becoming a Resident – free food, rent paid and other appropriate privileges of rank. I worked closely with the leaders of the ashram, sometimes travelling to Bombay on business, but I became increasingly uncomfortable with the level of politicking and scheming – to put it plainly, power-tripping and ingratiating behaviour. I guess I thought things just ‘happened’ around Rajneesh, but to see this cesspool of power, plotting and intrigue below the surface reminded me of the failure of the Ranch. It came to a head at one particular meeting when suddenly I could see the whole hidden agenda operating beneath the surface. It became glaringly obvious: here was power and corruption again, but this time done by highly skilled ‘operators’, not amateurs. Whether the motive was Good or Evil, Right or Wrong, I simply saw power as power over someone else. And, of course, it had the authority of Rajneesh behind it, which was curious given that he had denied being the power and authority behind the goings-on at the Ranch.

So I did the only thing I could to maintain my integrity: I quit.  Peter’s Journal, ‘Spiritual Search’

 

When the Ranch folded I would never again have that same enthusiasm, nor would many others. We had taken it from inspiration, through isolationism and fanaticism, to the brink of martyrdom, until Rajneesh pulled the plug and flew the coup. I still find it amazing to have seen and been inside a religion while it was being formed. When my faith in Rajneesh finally faded several years after his death and I saw what was happening in the religion, it became obvious to me that I had to get out of the ‘Club’. After the last visit to Poona, I decided it would be hypocritical to continue using my religious name and so became Peter again. I remember being out with a group of Rajneesh friends and being introduced to someone as Peter. From his attitude towards me, I was obviously an outsider for him – a bit like meeting a Muslim at a ‘Bar Mitzvah’.

Now I simply see Rajneeshism as just another of the 6000 or so other religious groups. They merely belong to a particular group who are ‘Right’ and ‘Good’ and who fight and fear other groups who are ‘Wrong’ and ‘Bad’, simply because they believe in a different God or ‘God-man’.

The gathering in groups is for support, strength, protection and ‘belonging’ and is seen as a way of overcoming fear, whereas much of the fear is generated within the group itself or in its teachings. Religion against religion. The Catholics fight against the Protestants, the Hindus against the Muslims, the Rajneeshees against the American Christians and everybody against the Jews.

The battlegrounds are legendary – Ireland, The Middle East, India-Pakistan, The Balkans and Indonesia are on the latest list. One is right and so the other must be wrong! One is good so the other must be evil! It could be seen as merely humorous but we are, after all, talking about human beings fighting and killing other human beings over which imaginary God is the ‘right one’ or the only ‘True’ one! It’s like a battle between different Gods with human beings as the willing and active participants – the actual armies of the psychic Gods. An appalling, eternal battle as to which God is the most powerful, and new Gods are added as some of the old and weaker ones fall away.

Each army has their own God as leader; their own doctrine, law, morality and passion. Fear and hatred for the other armies is preached and spread. Active recruitment is an encouraged activity in the name of ‘rescuing’ others.

Allegiance and loyalty are essential traits of a good follower, so trust, faith and hope are invoked continuously. Rajneesh and others like him preach fear from the pulpit, and it is deliberately provoked to keep the group numbers up and strong. Never was Rajneeshism to be as strong again as it was in the days of persecution and enemies – and the boys still sit around, happily telling ‘war’ stories of the good old days. And the myths and legends will grow and grow with time, enhanced and embellished by the priests and priestesses.

A religious army is essentially no different to a nation’s army. One does battle for beliefs, ideals and morals, and as I know from personal experience, its members are willing to kill or die to defend those beliefs or to attack the beliefs of others.

A nation’s army does battle to defend the territory of its members, or attack the territory of other nations. And all are subject to the whims and directives of whoever is the perceived authority at any time, for they have ‘Good’, ‘Truth’ and ‘Right’ on their side in the fight against ‘Evil’. When the competition between the Gods is played out for ‘real’ it has resulted in the death, torture and suffering of billions of people for millennia in endless religious wars and vendettas.

So much for belonging to a group and sharing common beliefs!

‘Let me out’ I screamed, as I gradually came to see the facts of all this. The very act of believing serves only to obscure, distort and pervert the facts. Peter’s Journal, ‘People’

About this time I started to come to grips with an undercurrent of feelings that had been welling up in me as I got further along this path to freedom. As I began to increasingly understand the full extent of what Richard had discovered, I had begun quite cunningly to plot my role in the Movement that would sweep the world. Images of money and fame began to subtly occur – and sometimes not so subtly. I would see myself travelling and talking to halls full of people, spreading the message! Yes, it was good old power and authority again – the attraction of the Glamour, Glory and Glitz. No wonder the Enlightened Ones are seduced and then trapped by it! It seemed to me an instinctual grab for power by my psyche, which rightly felt threatened with elimination. I also had to admit to myself that power and authority was a definite attraction in my desire for Enlightenment – a sort of spiritual version of ‘Money for nothing and your chicks for free’.

It was further brought home to me in my situation with Vineeto, as I would try to tell her where she was wrong and ram it down her throat. Finally I saw that it was up to her to do what she wanted to do with her life, and that I had no power over her. Now I would not want it any other way; it would not be perfect otherwise. A similar thing happened with friends when I tried to inspire them; they usually felt attacked and no wonder – this path is anathema to the ‘self’. To see power and authority in myself and to have seen them in the Enlightened Ones was to prove the critical point in the process of beginning to eliminate them in me. Peter’s Journal, ‘God’

Sorrow was easy to see in operation in my life – it is a sad world full of suffering, and I have felt the bitter-sweetness of suffering as a human being. Indeed, being and feeling sad is held up as the essence of being human. ‘Life wasn’t meant to be easy’, ‘It was hard but I learnt a lot’, ‘No pain – no gain’ – all those sayings bear witness to the exalted place that suffering holds in our psyche. I also knew and recognised the self-indulgence of prolonging grief, of soliciting sympathy or – better still – empathy from someone else for the sorrow and sadness in me. To cry on someone’s shoulder or to have someone cry on yours is considered a noble bond – to have a best friend that one can share one’s deepest sorrow with. (...)

Malice is a bit different as it is generally not upheld as a human virtue and most people even manage to deny it in themselves. It is always someone else who is cruel, jealous, vindictive or violent and I am simply responding to their malice! It was amazing to see in my own children unprovoked and unlearned acts of aggression. The idea that children are born innocent is just an idea, not a fact. I have some memories, even as a kid, of plotting revenge against someone – but of course most of the actual malicious actions were condemned. One didn’t break things, hit people, or say certain things – I was taught to behave ‘properly’. The trouble is, all the malice was then forced into cunning, clever and subversive actions that were to persist in my life. The willingness to tell a tale on someone as a subtle revenge is a classic. We call it gossiping, to disguise the maliciousness. I remember a few times actually having to will myself to stop, biting my tongue. The worst situation, of course, is in ‘relation-ship’ (or ‘battle-ship’) with a woman. The malice often took the form of withdrawal – an insidious revenge, but also a self-inflicted pain; a terrible price to pay in the long run.

I came to see a lot of New Age-spiritual-therapy behaviour as only thinly disguised malice. ‘I have to be honest with you’ or ‘I would like to share something with you’ is usually the opening line of someone who is about to take revenge or be spiteful. Again much of what we humans regard as entertainment is but our pleasure at witnessing malice and violence inflicted upon fellow human beings. Competitive sport is another arena for malice to be played out, whether watching or participating. A few times in my life the lid would really fly off and rage would surface, quickly followed by shame.

In particular I remember a time when we were working with some Indian stonemasons in Poona. One of the workers was doing something wrong despite my having just warned him. Well, I gave him a full serve of rage, only to discover afterwards that he really was doing it right all along. I was deeply ashamed, not only that I had lost my temper, but that I had done the typical thing at the time – chosen an Indian as my victim. A few months ago I even felt the thrill of what it would be like to kill someone, after reading a newspaper article about a murder, and that really brought malice home to me. To experience it in me that intensely was shocking indeed. Peter’s Journal, ‘Intelligence’

I remember a major turning point came for me when I realised I was causing ‘ripples’ for other people by my every action: however subtle sometimes, however unintentional, however well meaning, but ‘ripples’ nevertheless. And by seeing it I wanted it to stop! It became yet another motivation to do all I could to aim to eliminate my ‘self’. I wanted not only peace for myself, but for others too.

That is why I stopped battling with Vineeto. To want her to change is the traditional ‘it’s the other’s fault’ syndrome. No, if I wanted peace with her, it was up to me entirely. It had nothing to do with her – it was what I wanted, and what I could do, that mattered. So if I want peace in the world, it has nothing to do with anyone else; I simply need to do whatever I need to do to become a non-contributor to malice and sorrow on the planet. It is up to me, not anyone else. If I can’t do it – how can I expect anyone else to do it? But if I can do it then anyone else can! Cute, hey! I have had people accuse me of not caring about the world. I find this curious because caring about the world is one of the major burning drives in my life and a major motive for ridding myself of malice and sorrow as much as possible. (...)

Ultimately I was seeking peace for myself, of course, but I found it extremely useful to gather as much motive and intent as possible. It can be useful fuel or ‘back pressure’, as Richard calls it. And what better motive to find peace for myself than to become a non-contributor to the malice and violence on this fair planet. To prove peace as an actual fact – for it not to forever remain a hope or an ideal. Isn’t it extraordinary that it is now possible? I’m not asking you to believe me: but I’m unabashedly trying to inspire or seduce you to ‘give it a go’. Peter’s Journal, ‘Peace’

Foetus

Another image that struck me was a showing the beginning of the formation of a human foetus. It showed the growth in the first days when the main activity is the fervent multiplication and creation of new cells. The cells lined up to form an ever-thickening line which was to be the child’s backbone. As the cells began to form the beginnings of limbs and a head, a sack formed in the chest area, and a pulsing motion could be seen. All in the first few days! Astounding to see, and so extraordinary, that to put a God or anything else in the way was to entirely miss seeing the physical universe in operation. To call life ‘sacred’ is to completely miss the point. Removing God, energies, emotions and feelings is seeing and experiencing the actual world free of a skin or film layered over the top. That I, as this body, am a collection of pre-programmed cells that forms a whole, which is sensate, mobile, able to think, reflect and communicate with others, and that this whole bundle eventually wears out and dies is so extraordinary, so amazing! Peter’s Journal, ‘The Universe’

The means to finding peace for oneself and harmony in living with others is actually so simple and easy. In fact it is devastatingly easy; it weakens and virtually eliminates malice and sorrow. In large part it involves looking at the facts of living as a human on this earth and courageously investigating all of the societal beliefs held as sacred or set in concrete. We, as human beings, seem to intrinsically know that something is wrong. Is life really a sick joke? Are human beings doomed to forever live in misery, suffering and violence; living in eternal hope that some imaginary God will come back to stop the suffering? Is this really some sort of halfway house where we have to suffer rightly according to some Ancient Wisdom of some long dead Guru or mythical God? Is the best that we can aspire to become either a Saint or an Enlightened One – those appallingly arrogant and deluded God-men? Or are we part of some vast cosmic game-plan in which the Chosen few will be whisked away to some utopia either in this universe or another? Of course not!

If, as a human being, you are concerned with these matters, this book offers the benefits of following in Richard’s footsteps ... not as another solution within the ‘tried and true’ system of beliefs that has forever bound human beings to the concept of ‘it’s impossible to change human nature’. The fact is that an evolutionary change has now begun, pioneered by a human being who simply dared to question the accepted wisdom of ‘Long Dead People’. There is simply no ‘Wisdom’ to be had in believing what Zoroaster, Jesus, Buddha and the like are supposed to have said precisely because they lived thousands of years ago. They lived in a primitive time when humans had only recently emerged from the caves, believed the world was flat and the sky was another world inhabited by Gods.

It is now time for an evolutionary change that will simply make the past beliefs and animal instincts not only archaic and redundant but silly. The way is now open for a new species of human beings to supersede the old. The method to achieve this is simple, direct and straightforward; the results immediate, actual and apparent. When you are ready to give up on the idea that there is ‘someone’ or ‘something’ else that is going to fix you up, then you are ready and able to do it yourself. As it begins to work it becomes obvious that no-one else could do it anyway. A confidence gathers, soon an obsession takes over and it quickly becomes the adventure of a lifetime. Peter’s Journal, ‘Evolution’

So I’m writing my story, as an ordinary human being, one of 5.8 billion others on the planet. I’m not driven to proselytise or save the planet – it’s just that somewhere there may be another Peter or Vineeto who would risk trying something new. I was, after all, lost, lonely, frightened and very, very cunning – the only difference is that I chose to admit it. I accepted responsibility for actively contributing to the endemic violence and suffering. And I wanted to change. I knew, as everybody else does, that something was wrong. Why when I had everything I wanted, wasn’t I happy? And why, despite my best efforts, did I hurt other people? And why did the tried and true methods to find happiness – religion and spirituality – fail again and again? So in the end it simply meant going off down a new track – trying something new. I literally had ‘nothing left to lose’ except more and more of the same second rate life – and then I’d die.

I did ask for a while ‘well, why me?’ and ‘how come no one else?’ But when I started to reap the benefits of freeing myself the question of doubts or delays were irrelevant. It is in the end setting in motion a willing extinction of what one comes to experience as a malicious and sorrowful social and instinctual identity who is totally opposed to my being here, as this body only.

So I am writing of my own experiences, of the facts of being a human being, and of what sense I have made of living on this wonderful planet. The very act of writing this book is indeed part of that making sense. I am very aware it is something I do for myself, a sorting out of an exhilarating journey down ‘a wide and wondrous path’. And it may well be that this story offers someone else a ‘crack in the door’ of the insidious belief system that plagues humanity. If not you, then there will be others – this evolutionary change in human nature is destined to eventually spread throughout the world like a chain letter.

However, I am under no illusion that this will happen quickly, as can be evidenced by peoples’ reactions to Richard over the years. An initial curiosity is quickly replaced by a ‘dash for the door’ when it becomes obvious that to become happy and harmless would involve change! I heard recently of a tribe of South American Indians who all suffer from an untreatable genetic disease that is causing their extinction. Doctors took gene samples with the hope of finding a cure but the elders refused to cooperate and said no because it would involve the tribe changing and they wanted to stay as they were.

They decided for extinction rather than change. Such is the perversity of the Human Condition – to continue to suffer and decide for extinction rather than change.

Galileo was persecuted and ridiculed for stating his discovery of the fact that the earth revolves around the sun and not the opposite, as people had previously believed. Richard says it is a fact that you can change Human Nature whereas Ancient Wisdom says you can’t. But then again, for me, the facts speak for themselves and are in the end indisputable. The point of this journal is to say that, in my experience, Richard is right – it is a fact. Do we really think that human beings, as they are now, with all the wars, rapes, murders, domestic violence, suicides, tortures, sorrow and despair, represent the pinnacle and completion of the evolutionary process? Of course not! I certainly knew I was not the best me I could be! Peter’s Journal, ‘Evolution’

By seeing the facts of what it is to be a human being I now associate with people in an entirely new way. Gone is the need for ‘friends’ to share my sorrow with. Gone is the need to be part of a ‘group’ as a protection from imaginary fears, or for the sharing of common beliefs. Gone is the need for someone to look after me, someone to care and support me. I have no need for love as a temporary bridge to overcome the feelings of loneliness and separation. I have always been on my own and looked after myself very well in my life, and people have simply come and gone, for varying periods of time and involvement. It’s only that now I don’t have any pretences or bargains, where I do something for someone only in return for their helping me. Now if someone does something for me it is an unexpected bonus and if I do something for someone else it is a pleasure, freely given.

I am, for the first time, beginning to live my own life, not someone else’s. The bargains, bonds, deals, clinging and neediness have all but disappeared. I now regard allowing freedom, as far superior to giving love, with its accompanying needs and expectations. To allow anyone I meet to be free of me, as I am free of them. A free association. I am now able to enjoy and delight in the company of my fellow human beings for as long as is appropriate. It may be rather constantly with Vineeto, or briefly with the check-out girl at the local supermarket. However, I am under no illusion, and know that the essential nature of people is malicious and sorrowful; in fact, now it is even more obvious to me, so well do I now know the Human Condition. I am now free to take people as I find them, without investment or expectation, suspicion or competition, attack or defence. Consequently my interactions are invariably delightful and interesting. I harbour no hidden suspicions or doubts, fears, secrets or ulterior motives – those feelings we usually label as ‘intuition’. What you see is sincerely what you get. It is such a relief not to have to battle it out or herd together with others in order to ‘survive’.

What I have found is that this is the only game to play in town, and it’s called actually becoming happy and harmless, not just pretending or avoiding. I become more free incrementally, as each belief is replaced with the facts. If something pops up that is preventing my happiness or causing me to be harmful to others right now then I have something else to look at. And I simply work my way through the list… Then the day will eventually come when being happy and harmless is my very nature, rather than being malicious and sorrowful, as is Human Nature. Only then it will be effortless – once my part is done.

It is indeed a wide and wondrous path to freedom… Peter’s Journal, ‘People’

Peter’s Selected Writings

Peter’s Journal

Library – People

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