Please note that Peter’s Journal was written by the feeling-being ‘Peter’ while ‘he’ lived in a pragmatic (methodological), still-in-control/same-way-of-being Virtual Freedom before becoming actually free.

Selected Writings from Peter’s Journal

on The universe

The Pure Consciousness Experience is a temporary experience of actual freedom where I, as this flesh and blood body only, am able to experience with my physical senses the perfection and purity of the universe, totally free of any psychological or psychic entity within. I am also free of the delusion that this is all the work of some mythical maker to whom I owe gratitude for ‘my’ being here, and there are no heartfelt delusions of grandeur or Oneness. So totally involving is this sensate experience that the feelings and emotions of a ‘self’ or ‘Self’ have no place in the magical paradise of this actual world that is abundantly apparent. I am actually here, in the physical universe and enjoying a direct and unfettered involvement, every moment. Peter’s Journal, ‘Introduction’

We present-day humans are ‘wired’ with that very same instinct [as Cro Magnum] to survive and as such are forced to go on repeating the same patterns even if it is no longer necessary – even if it is harmful to ourselves! I see this in documentaries of animal behaviour – some of the great migrations in animals are actually suicide runs where birds will fly for thousands of kilometres over areas of good feed and climate to go to some particular spot, and only a tiny percentage survive. But the pattern is repeated again and again and again – for generations and millennia. And it is not only taught to the siblings but comes pre-wired as an instinct. Similarly I was born with a set of instinctual passions that in present times are not only redundant but are actually harmful in that they cause malice and sorrow in me. Blind nature – the animal instinct in me – cares not for my happiness and wellbeing: in fact, it is the very cause of my misery and pain!

Of course it gets a lot more complex than that, because humans have a highly sophisticated brain, able to reflect and communicate, and also a rudimentary ‘self’. This ‘self’ has developed into a cunning and perverse entity, layered with beliefs, myths, morals, fears, fairy stories, gods and devils. The psychic world was born and flourished in fear and superstition, peddled by the witches, shamans, priests and God-men. A world of spirits – the spirit-ual world of Good and Bad. The world of ritual and ceremony, prophecy and divination, belief and faith, charms and omens. Supreme in this world on the side of the Good are the saints, popes, and the Enlightened ones, not to mention a few thousand Gods. And a continual battle is fought against Evil, the non-believers, the heathens and the godless. It is all fought out in the ‘cosmos’ – some sort of ancient mythical version of cyberspace. And it is fought over vast eons of time in alternate universes, on different planes or astral dimensions. Peter’s Journal, ‘Fear’

Believing in God means believing that someone else is going to make it all better one day, and one only has to have faith and trust that it will happen. I found that I had simply given up waiting for God to do it. I was fixing myself up as much as is possible, and it was working. I just got impatient, I guess! This gave me the confidence to squarely tackle that most insidious of beliefs – that there is such a person or thing as God (or Goddess, the Truth, This, or That, Energy, Tao, Spirit, Consciousness, the Source, Love – either Divine or Universal – Essence, The Universe, Existence, Aliens, etc…); in short, something other than this actual physical universe. Peter’s Journal, ‘God’

The case for the defence was definitely not looking good, but I still found myself defending at least something of the spiritual and hanging on grimly. Surely there was a ‘Something’ else? Was it possible that I, and everyone else on earth up until now, had got it wrong and that only Richard was right? I had been reading widely throughout this time to check out the facts of what Richard was saying and what I found was astounding. I found that the whole of philosophy, psychology, sociology, anthropology, astronomy, physics, indeed all of man’s knowledge, and wisdom is based on an underlying assumption of a ‘something more’ than the physical universe. A belief in the meta-physical permeates all human thinking and wisdom. If one eliminated this assumption or belief the whole lot comes crashing down like those card stacks I used to make as a kid. Then it all started to make sense to me, to fit the facts – everyone has got it 180 degrees wrong – everyone! Peter’s Journal, ‘God’

You simply get out of the world of imagination and into the actual world, and leave both your ‘self’ and ‘Self’ behind. Now there is an escape route that does not involve becoming God, or cunningly becoming ‘one with him’ – a sort of a ‘God and I are best mates’ scenario that men have used to wield power over others and to wage horrendous wars for centuries. It is good to have left God, including all of his aliases (Truth, This, or That, Energy, Tao, Consciousness, Something Else, The Source, Love – either Divine or Universal – Gaia, The Universe, Mother Earth, Aliens, etc…) where He/She belongs – in the world of imagination.

Finally, it was just a matter of seeing the idea of God or anything else apart from the physical universe as pure imagination. The idea of God, the Good and Love to fight the Devil, the Bad, and Evil is ingrained in us as the only solution to fight the malice and sorrow that we are born with. But now there is available a direct, down-to-earth practical method of ridding oneself of that wiring in the brain – and it works! It does involve having the courage to leave the imaginary world of Gods, Spirits, Love and Good behind, but the understanding and experiencing that the Devil, Bad and Evil are equally illusory is the key to the door. One is then simply able to step out of the so-called real world and into the actual world and leave one’s ‘self’ (and ‘Self’) behind.

To be free of both God and the Devil, both Good and Evil, and to begin to enjoy the vast freedom and physical delights of the actual infinite universe … is yet another essential precursor to becoming actually free! Peter’s Journal, ‘God’

Then, increasingly, a curious thing began to happen. I remember talking to Richard one day, realising that I had got to a point where I was actually for the first time understanding what he was saying – or at least, most of it. I was hearing what he was saying rather than trying to interpret it as either fitting in with or opposing my belief system. An ability to see the facts of a situation through the fog of belief. It was as though I could see a common intelligence operating – a common sense in the literal meaning of the word. Not that there is an ‘Intelligence of the Universe’ – a concept that only turns the physical universe into another God. No doubt most of the intelligence in the universe is located in the human brain. I know you will say, ‘what about the dolphins’, and yes, I do know of people who talk to their dogs or to trees, but I am being sensible here. There is also no doubt that an intelligence that can put a man on the moon, construct a network of computers spanning the world, and perform the medical and scientific miracles that we see today is indeed amazing. I see this intelligence within the human brain as the ‘cutting edge’ of evolution.

Therefore, the intelligence within my brain is simply the intelligence of the universe – common sense, if you like. Common in the terms of it being readily available to everybody when one’s self or separate psychological entity is absent, even if only temporarily. And this body’s intelligence does have a few quirks and eccentricities due to my experiences and genes, I guess: diversity and variety are two of most delightful characteristics of the physical universe. Peter’s Journal, ‘Intelligence’

‘The Universe is Really, Really Big’ – I recall as a line from a Monty Python movie. So big that the astronomers seem to have given up finding the edge and are now postulating holes somewhere that lead to some parallel universe. And, of course, there cannot be only one; there must be an infinite number of parallel universes! I always wondered, if there was something outside the universe (or universes), would the universe be sitting on God’s coffee table like one of those glass balls that you tip up and the ‘snow’ falls. Does He/She/It sit there in an armchair saying ‘Look, they are fighting in Herzegovina again’? And if there are parallel universes, is it like a stack of plates in some cosmic cupboard? And where is the cupboard located? If the Universe is doughnut shaped, as some cosmologists propose, what’s outside the doughnut? And is that space infinite or does that have some shape, and if so, what is outside that? And …

As part of my investigation into the Human Condition I made it a point to read what the cosmologists and physicists are currently up to. It seems to me that, as they become increasingly frustrated with not being able to find the edge of the universe or the beginning of time or the ‘theory for everything’; they are seriously losing the plot. How come, after eighty years, Einstein’s theories are only theories and not laws like Newton’s and others? Photograph courtesy of NASA

Every time the scientists come up with infinity in an equation it doesn’t compute, of course, so they resort to spurious imagination called theories and chase their tails in ever diminishing circles – some even declare that they have discovered God or discovered the mind of God! I recently watched a program where Stephen Hawkins even posed the question, ‘Who created the Creator?’ The question that I ran in my head for a long while was, ‘What if the physical universe is infinite and there isn’t a somewhere else?’  Peter’s Journal, ‘The Universe’

I remember going sailing once. A wealthy businessman I knew, a Rajneesh disciple, had a luxurious 26 metre long wooden cruising yacht built to sail the world. Well, he got as far as Sri Lanka, left it there, and then got back into the business world. A friend took on the job of bringing it back home, and asked me if I would crew. We flew out to find a tired looking boat that had been mouldering in the tropics for a year. After a bit of maintenance, and stocking up of some vegetables and a few dead chickens from the local market we headed off – and straight into a storm. ‘What the hell am I doing here?’ I asked myself as the boat heeled at seemingly impossible angles while crashing and shuddering through the waves. The curry I had eaten the night before disappeared overboard and over me, and I found myself looking for that ‘fast-forward’ button again. But within a day or two the storm was a thing of the past and we were cruising.

A few days after that we ran out of wind as we hit the Doldrums – that area in the tropics where there often is no wind for weeks. Like all sailors before us we all went a bit mad as we drifted aimlessly in a flat mirror-like ocean beneath a baking cloudless sky. The only point of orientation was a faint horizon line separating two almost identical shades of blue – the sky and the sea. Our diesel fuel, unbeknown to us, had been contaminated in the tropics, and we had no alternative but to sit it out and wait for a wind, day after day. I would deliberately take the midnight-to-dawn watch, alone on deck at the helm, while the others slept below. The sky was velvet black, carelessly strewn with diamond stars, the moonlight dancing on the dark ocean.

The sky was intense, endless in depth; the ocean fluid, also seemingly endless in depth, and I and the boat I was on, insignificant in size and location. The nights were superb; it was a constant pleasure and delight just to be alive – just to be here! These were nights when I experienced the vast endlessness of the physical universe and there was no question of a god or an ‘energy’ or a ‘creator’ of any sort. It was all actually sensational – purely of the senses. The warm feel of the tropical air, the salty smell of the ocean, the movement of the boat, the sound of the water on the hull, the delightful feast to the eyes – the vast stillness and purity of it all. I was no-where in particular, a mere speck on the globe of the earth, hanging somewhere in an infinite black space. The days had no names, the hours no numbers, so time had no reference, I was simply here. Night after night of close to peak experiences – doing nothing but being thrilled at being a part of the physical universe. Not at ‘one’ with it, but the bit of it that was able to go ‘Wow – how amazing!’ To delight and contemplate on the wonder of the physical universe.

Of course the experiences I had on the boat wore off when the journey finished. But they stayed tucked in my memory as an experience of the actuality of the physical universe. I was a human being sitting on a boat located no-where in particular in the majesty of the universe. On reflection, those nights and other similar experiences have had an accumulative effect on me. A year or two later, when I did intensive meditation sessions, it was always a little strange to me that the meaning of life should be to sit rigidly for hours on end with my eyes shut trying to get somewhere else. How come the meaning of life was to either deny life or hide from it?

This last year’s journey of discovery into my psyche, to eliminate my identity – that accumulation of societal beliefs and instinctual passions that I are ‘me’ – has provided the answer. The answer is, of course, not to deviously shift my ego or identity into the realm of the Spirits, but to journey 180 degrees in the other direction, into the realm of the senses – not to the spiritual ‘Universe’, but to the actual physical universe of people, events and things. Peter’s Journal, ‘The Universe’

We rent a small flat, television, video, a couple of computers, two couches, a balcony with another couch and a couple of comfortable chairs, and a kitchen stocked with our favourite foods. In short, there is everything I need in life, and I live life in this flat almost as I did on the yacht those nights, many years ago. The physical ordinary things of life in this house are as actual, as extraordinary, as the wonders of nature. The universe has done a wonderful job in providing me with all the necessities I require for a delightful life, and I only need to work a little to earn sufficient money to pay the bills.

I remember about twenty years ago there was a lot of talk about the future, when automation and computers would reduce the amount of boring, repetitive and dangerous work humans did. And that then we would all work less and have increased leisure time. Well, that time has come, and suddenly we are calling it unemployment and a crisis! A few years ago I took on a young lad on the building site and he has turned out to be a good carpenter, so I figure he can take my place in the workforce – I’ll take the leisure time. And as for ‘Sustainable’ communities and ecology, I see them as nothing else but sustainable already – they already exist! And in constant change of course, as that is the nature of things. That the universe exists involves no effort on my part. When I get up in the morning I am aware it is here and doing well again. After all, there is no one in charge – there is no-one running this show – it is actually self-sustaining. Peter’s Journal, ‘The Universe’

 

The physical universe is infinite and perfect – the ‘stuff’ of the universe being defined as animal, vegetable and mineral. The ‘energies’ of the universe are purely the physical forces of the universe, regulating the ‘stuff’ of the universe. And I, as a human being, am made of the same stuff as the universe. Undeniably, I am the product of the meeting between a sperm and an egg. I remember once looking at my hand and it was obviously the claw of an animal, and a sexual one at that.

I was not here before birth and I will not be here after death. I already know from my peak experiences that there is nothing ‘inside’ me as this body or separate from me to continue after I die. As a physical animal in the physical universe I have made it my aim to be happy and harmless, and the universe will do it’s ‘universe thing’ to aid in the creation of the best possible.

I remember pondering this one day while walking along a country road and seeing a tree that had seeded beneath a log. It had bent around the log and then grown out at a steep angle towards the light. It only grew limbs on one side of the trunk so as to maintain its balance and strength. To say there is a God who looks after every tree, giving instructions, is plainly ridiculous. It is a life-force, if you like, but the tree was growing in the best way possible.

Foetus

Another image that struck me was a showing the beginning of the formation of a human foetus. It showed the growth in the first days when the main activity is the fervent multiplication and creation of new cells. The cells lined up to form an ever-thickening line which was to be the child’s backbone. As the cells began to form the beginnings of limbs and a head, a sack formed in the chest area, and a pulsing motion could be seen. All in the first few days! Astounding to see, and so extraordinary, that to put a God or anything else in the way was to entirely miss seeing the physical universe in operation. To call life ‘sacred’ is to completely miss the point. Removing God, energies, emotions and feelings is seeing and experiencing the actual world free of a skin or film layered over the top. That I, as this body, am a collection of pre-programmed cells that forms a whole, which is sensate, mobile, able to think, reflect and communicate with others, and that this whole bundle eventually wears out and dies is so extraordinary, so amazing! Peter’s Journal, ‘The Universe’

I am now in the process of actually becoming a free autonomous human being. The idea of causing harm to another human being has simply disappeared: I am virtually free of malice. And also the idea that this wondrous, bountiful, beautiful earth is a miserable place to be has simply disappeared: I am virtually free of sorrow. This is indeed a perfect, delightful universe I am in, and I experience myself as near-perfect and delightful. After all, what else could I be? I am, after all, one of the ‘human being bits’ of this marvellous universe, made of the same stuff as the universe.

So it is possible for me to evolve myself. And it beats sitting around waiting for Godot. It’s the most thrilling and fascinating journey ... I can’t recommend it highly enough. This is a new, non-spiritual path to a down-to-earth freedom – an actual freedom. All my wishes are coming true and more. Life was meant to be easy, friendly, comfortable, peaceful, harmonious, ever-changing, fresh each moment, direct, obvious, and my senses allow an intimate involvement with each person I meet, each event happening, each place I am in. And I can think, reflect, talk and write about what sense I have made of living as a human being ... pure delight... Peter’s Journal, ‘Evolution’

What I have now discovered is an ongoing experiencing as I had on the yacht – close to experiencing the perfection and purity of the physical universe. I, as part of this universe, made of the same ‘stuff’, am able to see and reflect on the universe. From my pure consciousness experiences I know that what I am the universe experiencing itself as a human being. When there is no ‘self’ in operation – no malice and sorrow – I am able to not only see but directly experience the innate purity and perfection of the universe. And that malicious and sorrowful person I used to be is now getting ever closer to experiencing this perfection – cute hey! Perfect and delightful, simple and obvious.

The answer to the mystery of life is in the actual world, here, now, not in some physicist’s ‘parallel universe’ or on some spiritualist’s ‘other dimension’. It’s definitely not a feeling of ‘oneness’ – a sort of ‘the universe and I are one’ scenario, produced by the delusion of the ‘Self’.

On my computer I have a photo of the earth taken from the moon, with the rock surface of the moon in the foreground. In the distance, hanging in black space, is the huge ball of the earth – white spirals of clouds against a blue ocean background with tips of green and brown land showing. Just hanging there somehow! Most of the astronauts who went to space came back as changed men, typically to declare it was all God’s work! ‘But what if it wasn’t?’ was the question I had constantly run in my head, which provided me with the answer. What if the physical universe is ‘it’, the whole story, actually infinite, no parallel bits, no ethereal other-worlds, no heaven, no hell? I remember pondering on that for a while, and realising that there was no evidence to support the belief that the universe is anything else but infinite. The scientists have all their theories, and are increasingly saying that it’s all God’s work. And the world still waits in hope for Buddha or Jesus or the Spirits to either come back and sort out the mess, or whisk us away to somewhere better.

The answer lies in experiencing the infinitude and perfection of the physical universe as everyone has in a pure consciousness experience. Perfect, except for instinctually-driven human beings, but of course even that will change now, for whoever wants it.

It’s just so good not to have missed the bus to freedom, and to be more and more arriving in the actual world.

It is certainly the ride of a lifetime… Peter’s Journal, ‘The Universe’

Peter’s Selected Writings

Peter’s Journal

Library – The universe

Peter’s Text ©The Actual Freedom Trust: 1997-. All Rights Reserved.

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