with Alan on List D (Slack)
ALAN: Yes, I again have the intent which was missing in Australia – hurrah! It fluctuates but is constantly there now to a greater or lesser extent. I came across a belief a couple of days ago, which ties in with what you wrote about ‘me’ wanting to remain in existence to enjoy the fruits of ‘my’ labours lol :
Which is where rememorating that experience of evil being inherent to the human condition (‘me’) - and which it is impossible to eliminate from within the human condition (it is intrinsic to it), as you said - is so, so valuable.
VINEETO: Hi Alan,
Getting closer indeed – and hence the utter importance of scrupulous honesty with yourself.
ALAN: There has been an interesting discussion on slack which I have copied to a word file you can access here
And, yes, I know you are not going to become involved in any more slack discussions. I thought you and Richard might be interested and I would appreciate your clarification on two things - as a little bit of back pressure and confirmation for me:
Does seriousness end upon self-immolation? I was certainly under the impression that it does. Similarly, is apperception an ongoing experience after becoming actually free? I do not see how it can be otherwise – as I posted on slack. In both questions I mean before becoming fully free.
• [Respondent No. 15]: “I had the impression when I first became newly free that apperception was occurring all the time.”
This was exactly my experience just after becoming actually free (and not merely an impression), and it was so startling and so exactly as Richard had described it that I was just amazed, and revelled in this 360 degree awareness. The experience of apperception also included that everything (regarding knowledge and memory of experience) is at your fingertips but only activated when needed. There was an incredible clarity of mind, wonder and amazement, just as I described it in the first reports of the direct-route-mail-out.
However, as Richard reported on List D quoted below, as I interacted more and more with people and everyday affairs, I started to become aware of certain behaviour patterns continuing and a diminution of the startling clarity of the first few days after becoming free. In other words, the guardian, “the shadowy remnants of the social identity” established itself and influenced how I was behaving and experiencing myself
This is not only understandable, given the radical change that an actual freedom from the instinctual passions is, but possibly also necessary to ensure a non-disruptive transition from feeling being to being fully actually free.
However, by the time Richard returned from India, I was ready and eager to put the ‘guardian’ to rest, and move towards a full actual freedom, and Richard and I had many intensive conversations to bring this about sooner rather than later.
About 6 weeks after Richard’s return a day came when, sitting at the dining table of his houseboat, I briefly experienced myself as two – the (shadow) identity of the guardian and the actual Vineeto. I experienced the relief of the guardian to be finally able to confidently lay down the burden of guarding over the newly-free Vineeto and then it faded with a sense of having a job well-done to the end and gladly being finally redundant. Suddenly there was only one me, the actual me, fresh and innocent, a bit like a kid alone in this wonderful playground of the actual world.
I was still not fully free then, and many more things had to happen, but a decisive event had occurred to bring me closer to a full actual freedom.
Here is Richard’s report about the guardian (shadow) identity on mailing list D in which Richard also explains why he never talked about a distinction between newly free and fully free before more than one person became actually free –
Vineeto’s & Richard’s Text ©The Actual Freedom Trust: 1997-. All Rights Reserved.