with Man from Sydney (Slack)
Continued from Mailing List ‘D’ (with Richard) No. 45
RESPONDENT: Dear Vineeto and Richard,
I have just posted up a report on Slack [actualist discussion group] and Yahoo Groups. I have been actually free since Nov 3rd 2018 and wanted to write you both and thank you for did for ‘me’ over the years that eventually allowed me to escape my fate and fulfil my destiny. Or perhaps I should say appreciate all you have done since there is no feeling of indebtedness anymore :) […]
It is so deliciously amazing being here now. It is totally unimaginable and unbelievable as Richard has correctly said. It is quite freaky sometimes how giganormously vast this universe is such that it takes my breath away. I get intimations of infinitude and I am sure the definitive experience of it is on the horizon. I feel like my brain has been ‘uncapped’ and the magnificent universe – as oppose to ‘self’ and ‘other’ is my preoccupation. My body and mind are sometimes suffused with pleasure and expansiveness such that it is too much and I have to back away! I’ve been having a whale of a time just living my life for the last month or so. I’ve been having a fantastic time also comparing notes with Geoffrey and Craig. The relationship with my girlfriend is like night and day. I’m like this big happy kid, that wants for her happiness. There is a delicious intimacy. Prior to this I was a grudging boyfriend, who often tolerated her and occasionally felt guilty enough to try and make a romantic gesture.
I would love to hear more about being fully free. But for now I am content to just enjoy and enjoy some more. The utter safety, spaciousness and stillness I am experiencing is truly something remarkable.
Yours actually ;)
VINEETO: Dear [Respondent],
Wow, what wonder-ful news !
Thank you for your message (and your online report, of course). [...]
Your online report is an amazing extensive how-to-do-it description if there ever was and it has the common and individual aspects detailed really well. The most outstanding common aspect is, of course, sincerity.
It is highly likely that your success will inspire a few more people to escape their fate and fulfil their destiny, just like you got inspiration and confirmation that an actual freedom is possible from Geoffrey’s report. A domino effect might well have started and as you said – "I really think that the global spread of peace on earth is a possibility."
RESPONDENT: Dear Vineeto,
It is so good to hear from you. I am so at ease now writing to you as an actually free person, minus all the trepidation and emotions I have had communicating with you in the past. [...]
I really would love to hear your thoughts on the following:
The clarity and safety I have now is truly remarkable. There seem to be something like expansions and contractions in my field of consciousness. There are times – say when I am tired and interacting a lot with difficult patients under deadlines at work where the experience of perfection is clearly diminished. But this doesn’t last long, it rolls off me very quickly into states of really ‘deep’ magical apperception. On occasions I seem to be on verge of having a definitive experience of infinitude, but it is too much and I withdraw. I was wondering whether this is a social identity thing and whether you have any thoughts about this as per your own past experience? I have read your writings about ‘the guardian’.
I noticed that you reached became fully free, not too long after you became newly free. I have read your report of how you sat with Richard after he returned from his India trip. Does becoming fully free require contact with yourself or Richard? If not, how would you suggest that a newly free person becomes fully free?
Prior to becoming free, I was wondering whether I would be able to relate to anything my patients said after self-immolation. I thought maybe I might just scratch my head and go "Hmm that’s some feeling being stuff. Don’t really connect with that anymore, sorry!’ Instead I am finding that with ‘me’ out of the way, it is much easier to sit with my patients and their troubled thoughts and feelings. Before, there I would need to take care as I would get pushed around by vibes and ‘my’ own feeling reactions. There is an exquisite attunement to them. I am wondering whether this ability to relate goes once one is fully free? I was joking to Craig and Jeffrey that perhaps I should only become fully free after retirement (!)
VINEETO: Hi [Respondent],
Good to hear back from you.
I am sure that now, being free from the instinctual passions and the feeling being formed thereof, you will much easier consider the consequences of all your words and actions on the other person – they have all become fellow human beings for you, rather than being friend or foe, ally or opponent, as is the default setting for feeling beings. […]
I am fascinated to read how you fare as a psychiatrist with your patients after your ‘psychic suicide’! An actual intimacy is now happening, what you call an "exquisite attunement", and of course that will still be operating for you at full actual freedom – it can’t be switched off.
As for how I would suggest that a newly free person becomes fully free – you have already pointed to the key when you wrote –
It is the experience of infinitude and the utter purity of its perfection, with not a smidgen of ‘dirt’, that are the characteristics of a full actual freedom. You allow it to happen as much as you can bear, gently, again and again, and if you find any hang-ups, look at them and let them dissolve. Infinitude is big, really big, it also takes time to get accustomed to more and more of it.
Of course, becoming fully free doesn’t require contact with Richard or myself – how could we personally assist potentially 7 billion people to become fully free!
RESPONDENT: Dear Vineeto,
Yes it is rather ironic, being an actually free psychiatrist! I think it is very helpful. Perhaps even essential as long as mental health workers are required on this planet. Some months prior to becoming free I was given a joke award by my students, ‘most alternative psychiatrist’ and I thought ‘you have no idea!’ Many of my patients are so far away from being able to even acknowledge and own their feelings. They project them outwardly or completely split themselves into psychotic states. Actualism does require a radical ownership of one’s feelings. But I think that some of them could definitely benefit from it.
VINEETO: You are indeed the ‘most alternative psychiatrist’ – very perceptive students !
I agree about the benefits of people learning to own their feelings or even better, to acknowledge that they *are* their feelings. Only then they can will be able to make a choice about how they feel.
VINEETO: It is the experience of infinitude and the utter purity of its perfection, with not a smidgen of ‘dirt’, that are the characteristics of a full actual freedom. You allow it to happen as much as you can bear, gently, again and again, and if you find any hang-ups, look at them and let them dissolve. Infinitude is big, really big, it also takes time to get accustomed to more and more of it.
RESPONDENT: Thanks for that. It is exactly what I have started doing. When I first became free it seemed like I was always on the threshold of that ‘big, really big’ universe about to break through all the time, with exquisite apperception being the default state. It was quite intense actually, my entire body was tingling and I was quite stimulated. Over time things have become more ordinary in a sense, but with surges into that heightened apperceptive state with the ‘flavour’ of infinitude. My guess is that I have retreated to the social identity ‘sand pit’ to play - where it is safe and familiar.
VINEETO: I can relate to that, from my early days of being newly free. Then, when interacting with people and the world at large I found that I used at first some familiar (habituated) feeling-being patterns but becoming aware of it made me think anew. Quite an adventure.
RESPONDENT: There are times when I encounter feeling-like states but without emotion. It seems that out of sheer habit I can go back into identity but this time things are more illusory. It’s like the prison door is open, but I still find myself wandering back into the cell and sitting there! I can see through these states using the same techniques of actualism method and investigation. They quickly melt away into thin air. Prior to becoming free, this sort of ‘seeing through’ would only be wishful thinking as I kept running into the visceral ‘me’ that refused to go away.
VINEETO: Yes, I can relate to that as well. At first, I thought I still had feelings, was not free after all, until I tried to look inside and noticed these were mental creations (as in re-enactments) with no feelings attached to them – in fact there was no inside to even look at.
What happened at your pivotal moment is that the instinctual passions and the feeling-being formed thereof ceased to exist. The social identity however, being a product of socialization and acculturation, and therefore not instinctual, is still extant. Various aspects of it will become apparent as you go about your normal life – hence your "social identity ‘sand pit’" observation.
VINEETO: Of course, becoming fully free doesn’t require contact with Richard or myself – how could we personally assist potentially 7 billion people to become fully free!
RESPONDENT: Hehe of course. That sounds tiring! I thought as much but just wanted to double check. One thing I am curious about is why there are no other fully free people, if that is the case still. I am reading your previous writings on transitioning to full freedom with great interest. There you write ‘I was irrevocably giving up any trace of a private life, a personal life, and that my life from thereon was dedicated to becoming, being and doing whatever it takes to bring about a virtual/an actual freedom for everyone’. Is it that newly fell people having been reluctant to give up all trace of a private life and of identity?
VINEETO: I don’t have an answer to your question about the other newly free people as the data pool is simply too small.
Everyone proceeds according to their (individual) metal and thus at their own pace.
I gathered that you and Geoffrey and Craig are keen to go all the way, so you can compare notes and find out what works, allowing the purity of the perfection of infinitude to operate more and more.
RESPONDENT: Compliments of the season to you and Richard!
VINEETO: Hi Respondent,
Thank you and the same to you.
RESPONDENT: Things are continuing for me in the much the same way. I am just seeing how this mental construction as ‘me’ i.e. the social identity, continues to operate. It seems like a ‘Lite’ version of ‘me’ – minus the visceral backing of emotions and feelings. From time to time it clears right away and the vastness of the universe becomes apparent. Then ‘Lite [Respondent]’ comes back again and veils everything. My MO is to investigate this remnant ‘me’ and get to know how it operates, seeing how much of it can be set aside gradually – keeping my new lodestone in mind i.e. that ambrosial, super-fresh, vast, still, openness of the infinitude of the universe that is the source of all that is. Right now the process seems to be a dance between allowing infinitude and exploring the ‘brake’ that is ‘the guardian’ or something similar to that.
[Addendum]: Oh and this is something else I shared with Craig and Geoffrey on Slack recently:
Periodically going into these states of heightened purity, where I am this body and the universes experience of itself – I realise that ‘I’ as social identity want to still run the show. The universe, the body – these are things that are quite alien to me, so I want to take the reins and be the micro-manager. The infinite, formless, genderless, shapeless universe that I am part of is too weird! It is safer this way. The socius is my buffer – a nice little cushion which I can use to shield myself from raw actuality. I am quite keen on still playing the pretend game of being ‘me’ in whatever form remains. It is the last hiding place. But of course it is not completely voluntary. It is a habitual thing also. It seems like socialising and thinking about people seems to have pronounced effect on weaving myself into being. A slight whiff of that social thing is enough to recreate the appearance of ‘[Respondent]’ once again.
VINEETO: It is well observed – the social identity (even sans instinctual passions) not only wants to still run the show, it does. The longer you observe yourself in action the more you will see how it not only creates a ‘buffer’ for the direct experience of the actual world but endeavours to fit you back into humanity at large and your social group(s) in particular despite the ‘handicap’ of having no instinctual passions. As you can see it is back-ward oriented as it was formed while you were a feeling being to keep any excess of one’s instinctual passions in check.
Personally, when I negotiated my way towards freedom from the (overall well-meaning but now inadequate) ‘guardian’ (i.e. the social identity), the main question was – will I be able to be safe and harmless without the guardian watching over me? So I checked myself out in interactions, in various social situations with the intent to determine if I would be safe, and harmless, without the rules and regulations (morals and ethics), preconceived notions and automated behaviour patterns – and eventually determined that I will be. Now that there are no instinctual passions, and no wayward feeling being, the role of the guardian is indeed obsolete. Once the guardian was fully satisfied as to this fact, it happily abdicated (as I have described in the paragraph you quoted below).
RESPONDENT: From what I understood of your own process, full freedom required the abdication of ‘the guardian’ before you could fully allow infinitude and become fully free.
RESPONDENT: I would like to ask you some questions about that process.
On the AFT you wrote:
Q1 Would you say that this abdication was roughly analogous to self-immolation (you had no self to immolate then, so I know it could not have been the exact same process)?
VINEETO: No, I never thought of it that way. The intent to become actually free had occasionally activated the full force of the ‘self’-survival instincts and the extent of cunning an identity is capable of. The process of having the guardian agree to the sagacity of its abdication was quite a rational reasoning process.
However, should a newly free person abandon the pure intent to become fully free and thus become complacent and entrenched within the shadow identity of their social guardian they would be thinking and acting similar to their former self, but without the fierceness of the instinctual passions – like a toothless tiger. Then the very idea to have this newly established identity abdicate can produce some strong resistance. It’s a matter of one’s metal, I suppose.
Either way, the world would be a much more peaceful place if everyone became free from the instinctual passions and the feeling being formed thereof, even if they did not venture into a full, meaning-of-life, actual freedom (which is why it is called peace-on-earth freedom).
Here is how I described my experiencing right after the moment of the abdication of the guardian on September 12, 2010 (in a private letter to Tarin in November of the same year) –
RESPONDENT: Q2 When you say ... ‘I was still not fully free then, and many more things had to happen’ ... can you give me an idea of what things had to happen? I know that you were interacting intensely with Richard after he returned from India. I was wondering if the experiences and investigation around those interactions constituted the bulk of the ‘many more things’. It seems like the definitive moment happened here in October 2010, about 9 1/2 months after you became actually free, if I am accurate about the times.
VINEETO: Yes, the definite moment of becoming fully free happened on October 12, 2010.
And yes, "the experiences and investigation around those interactions constituted the bulk of the ‘many more things’."
To refresh my memory I checked what I wrote to Tarin in November 2010 about this period after the abdication of the guardian –
Richard’s Journal, 1997, Article Twenty-five
In the early months of this year  I had plenty of opportunity to read Richard’s words describing the outstanding quality of an actual freedom while I was updating the website, replacing all footnotes with the new format of tool-tips and I became starkly aware of the vast gap of experiencing between his descriptions and my own experience of myself and the world around me."
After the abdication of the guardian I was one day ready to allow myself to fully (and permanently) experience the spatial infinitude of the universe. Here is the description of what happened –
Private letter to Tarin, November 29, 2010
I remember a similar profound disorientation (for a short period of time) after allowing to fully understand and experience the temporal infinitude of the universe.
So, lots of adventures and discoveries are still to come after becoming newly free.
(see Richard, List D, Rick, 11 February 2012, footnote)
Q3 I suppose that the above event refers to you becoming fully free?
Here is a description I sent to Tarin about 5 weeks afterwards (29 November 2010) –
Q4 I was a little confused about this. At first I thought that it referred to your becoming fully free, as Richard said "Then, at the moment she became essentially the same as me (how I have been, on my own, all these years)". But it seems that it occurred quite some time afterwards, unless I have got the dates wrong. Am I to understand this as something similar to the ‘quickening’ that Richard experienced? When Richard says ‘at the moment she became essentially the same as me’ – is he talking about a step beyond actual freedom?"
VINEETO: What Richard is talking about is the event when I became the same as Richard in order to make an actual freedom fully equitable – the first fully free male and the first fully free female. I became the same as Richard, energetically, as in the same fine gentle and potent energy flowed in and around both of us.
The ‘quickening’ Richard experienced seems to have always been triggered when a person in his physical presence sincerely wants to join him in the actual world. I have experienced mild versions of it on one or two occasions – so having this capacity is related to me becoming (energetically) the same as Richard.
Richard had already answered this, when he wrote to Claudiu, directly before and after the above quote you provide –
(Richard, List D, Claudiu, 9 February 2012)
Vineeto’s & Richard’s Text ©The Actual Freedom Trust: 1997-. All Rights Reserved.