DefinitionsFriend; Friendly; Intimacy / Intimacy ExperienceIntimate; Intimity; Relationship
“Given that the primary basis of a meaningful friendship is an affectionate attachment, a tie or a bond based upon one identity making an affective connection with another identity, it speaks volumes about the underlying nature of relationship that a proposition of that ilk [viz.: an overture of friendship] deemed to be spurned incurs chagrin. A succinct description of this core nature can be as follows:
Of course the words ‘friendly’ and ‘friendliness’ have different connotations to the root meanings of ‘friend’ and ‘friendship’ ... such connotations as amity, affability, amiability, geniality, cordiality, courtesy, civility, helpfulness, kindliness, gentleness, benevolence, and so on. The need for a friend, and to be a friend, is an urge for an affectuous coupling based upon separation; an identity is alone and/or lonely and longs for the union that is evidenced in a relationship. When both ‘I’ as ego and ‘me’ as soul become extinct there is no need—and no capacity—for such unity: the expression ‘life is a movement in relationship’ applies only to a psychological and/or psychic entity who wants the feeling of oneness—a synthetic intimacy per favour the bridge of affection/love—which manifests the deception that separation has ended. And if human relationship does not produce the desired result, then one will project a god or a goddess—a ‘super-friend’ not dissimilar to the imaginary playmates of childhood—to love and be loved by. The ridiculous part in all this is that we are fellow human beings anyway (like species recognise like species) and to seek to
impose friendship over the top of fellowship is, as someone once said in another context, like painting red ink on a red rose ... a garish
redundancy
Yet, because intimacy can be referred in several ways (i.e., via its denotation, its connotations, and its consuetude • intimacy (n.): 1. (a) intimate friendship or acquaintance; close familiarity; an instance of this (middle seventeenth century); [e.g.]: “So great was their intimacy that rumours of a stronger tie—amorous, even marital—persisted”. (A. Fraser); (b) (euphemistic), sexual intercourse (late seventeenth century); [e.g.]: “She stayed the night at his father’s house; intimacy took place on that occasion”. (Westminster Gazette); 2. inner or inmost nature; an inward quality or feature (middle seventeenth-late eighteenth century); 3. (rare): intimate or close connection or union (early eighteenth century); 4. closeness of observation or knowledge (early eighteenth century). [origin: middle seventeenth century from intimate (adjective) + -acy]. ~ (Oxford English Dictionary). • intimacy (n.; pl. intimacies): 1. the state of being intimate; close union or conjunction; [e.g.]: “Explosions occur only... where the elements concerned are... distributed among one another molecularly, or, as in gunpowder, with minute intimacy”. (Herbert Spencer, 1820-1903, “Principles of Psychology”, § 35); 2. close familiarity or fellowship; intimate friendship; [e.g.]: “Rectory and Hall, | Bound in an immemorial intimacy, | Were open to each other”. (Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1809-1892, “Aylmer’s Field)”; “The peculiar art of alternate gushing intimacy and cool obliviousness, so well known to London fashionable women”. (Peep at Our Cousins, iv.); (synonyms): familiarity, etc.; see acquaintance. [from intima(te) + -cy]. ~ (Century Dictionary and Cyclopaedia). She has a scale of quality in regards sexual experience: good, very good, great, excellent and magical.
To explain: togetherness is the companionship of doing things together – be it shopping, cooking, having sex, whatever – and pertains to the willingness to be and act in concert with another. A closeness is where the personal boundaries are expanded to include the other into one’s own space; this is a normal type of intimacy. A sweetness is when closeness entrées a lovely delight at the proximity of the other (although it can veer off into
affection, ardency, love, oneness A richness (aka an excellence experience) is where sweetness segues into a near-absence of agency via letting-go of control and one is the sex and sexuality (the beer and not the doer). Magical sex is where sex and sexuality are happening of their own accord – neither beer nor doer extant – and pristine
purity abounds (an immaculate perfection). * I also detailed how feeling-being ‘Grace’, who was exacting in evaluating ‘her’ differing ways of being a ‘self’,
had gradations of scale in regards to intimacy (togetherness: → closeness: → sweetness: → richness: → (Incidentally, and purely as a matter of historical note, I first detailed the above gradations publicly on Tue Nov 10, 2009,
in Message № 7476 ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ [1]What did not get included in those second and third paragraphs, regarding feeling-being ‘Grace’ and her rigorous
gradations, was ‘her’ oft-repeated observation – regarding the onset of the third stage, on that range of naïveness, where ‘her’
gradation of ‘great’ related to sweetness Intimacy Experience (IE): RICHARD to Claudiu: In the same way that excellence experiences (EE’s) were a notable feature of feeling-being ‘Richard’s virtual freedom experiencing circa March-September 1981, although of course not named as such back then, so too did intimacy experiences (IE’s) play a similarly significant role even though increasingly overshadowed by the insistent emergence of love – and, especially, Love Agapé – in the later months due to a marked lack of precedence and, thus, of any praxeological publications (nowadays made freely available on The Actual Freedom Trust web site) on the distinction betwixt the near-innocent intimacy of naïveté and the affectional intimacy of romance lore and legend. Just as the term ‘excellence experience’ came from feeling-being ‘Grace’ – who was exacting in evaluating ‘her’ differing ways of being a ‘self’ so as to not illude herself that ‘she’ was more progressive than was really the case – so too did the expression ‘different-way-of-being’. What gradually became more and more apparent was that a prevailing feature of ‘her’ differing ways of being was the degree of intimacy involved. The gradations of ‘her’ scale were, basically, good, very good, great, excellent, and perfect –
whereby, in regards to intimacy, ‘good’ related to togetherness (which pertains to being and acting in concert with another); ‘very good’
related to closeness (where personal boundaries expand to include the other); ‘great’ related to sweetness (delighting in the pervasive
proximity, or immanence, of the other); ‘excellent’ related to richness (a near-absence of agency; with the doer abeyant, and the beer
ascendant, being the experiencing is inherently cornucopian); and ‘perfect’ related to
magicality (neither beer nor doer extant; pristine purity abounds and immaculate perfection prevails) – all of which correlate to the range of
naïveness from being sincere to becoming naïve and all the way through being naïveté itself The term ‘intimacy experience’ became part of the actualism lingo after a particularly instructive event in late spring, 2007, when at anchor upriver whilst exhorting feeling-being ‘Grace’ to no longer reserve that specific ‘way-of-being’ for those memorable occasions when ‘she’ was alone with me and to extend such intimacy to also include ‘her’ potential shipmates in order to dynamically enable the then-tentative plans for a floating convivium – which were on an indefinite hold at that time – to move ahead expeditiously (this was in the heady context of feeling-being ‘Pamela’ having already entered into an on-going PCE a scant five days beforehand due to ‘her’ specifically expressed concerns to me over the lack of intimacy between actualists). At some stage during this intensive interaction feeling-being ‘Vineeto’, who had been intently following every nuance, every twist and turn of the interplay, had what ‘she’ described as a “shift” taking place in ‘her’ whereupon the very intimacy being thus exigently importuned came about for ‘her’ instead. To say ‘she’ was astounded with the degree of intimacy having ensued is to put it mildly as ‘her’ first descriptive words were about how ‘she’ would never have considered it possible to be as intimate as this particular way of being – an intimacy of such near-innocence as to have previously only ever been possible privately with ‘her’ sexual partner in very special moments – when in a social setting as one of a number of persons partaking of coffee and snacks in a sitting room situation. Intuitively seizing the vital opportunity such intimate experiencing offered ‘she’ took over from me and commenced interacting intensively in my stead – notably now a one-on-one feeling-being interchange – and within a relatively short while feeling-being ‘Grace’ was experiencing life in the same, or very similar, manner as feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ (hence that 4th of December 2009 report of mine about how these intimacy experiences are potentially contagious, so to speak, for other sincere actualists as the atmosphere generated affectively-psychically can propagate a flow-on effect). As for your query regarding how the intimacy experience (IE) differs from an excellence experience (EE): qualitively they are much the same, or similar, insofar as with both experiences there is a near-absence of agency – the beer rather than the doer is the operant – whereupon naïveté has come to the fore, such as to effect the marked diminishment of separation, and the main distinction is that the IE is more people-oriented, while the EE tends to be environmental in its scope. In other words, with an EE the ‘aesthetic experience’ feature, for instance, or its ‘nature experience’ aspect, for example, tends to be more prominent, whilst with an IE the ‘fellowship experience’ characteristic, for instance, or its ‘convivial experience’ quality, for example, comes to the fore. In either type of near-PCE – wherein the experiencing is of ‘my’ life living itself, with a surprising sumptuosity, rather than ‘me’ living ‘my’ life, quite frugally by comparison, and where this moment is living ‘me’ (instead of ‘me’ trying to live ‘in the moment’) – the diminishment of separation is so astonishing as to be as-if incomprehensible/ unbelievable yet it is the imminence of a fellow human’s immanence which, in and of itself, emphasises the distinction the most. For instance, the degree of intimacy experienced with minera, flora and fauna upon strolling through some botanical gardens with either near-PCE occurring – as in, with rocks, trees and birds, for example – is to the same gradation as when in a social setting such as a typical sitting room situation (as in, with ashtrays, flowers and humans, for instance) yet it is the ‘fellow human being’ element which exemplifies the already astounding diminishment of separation which ensues upon the blessed onset of this near-innocent intimacy of naïveté. And that latter point – the felicitous advent of naïve intimacy – is another way the IE differs from the EE inasmuch if a near-PCE is initiated via intensive interaction with a fellow human being/ with fellow human beings it takes on the properties of an intimacy experience (IE) whereas if the near-PCE is triggered via interacting intensively with the world at large (as in, an aesthetic experience, a nature experience, a contemplative experience, for example) it takes on the properties of an excellence experience (EE). The role they play in an out-from-control/ different-way-of-being virtual freedom (entitled ‘The Dynamic, Destinal Virtual Freedom’ on that web page to distinguish it from the still-in-control/ same-way-of-being virtual freedom entitled ‘The Pragmatic, Methodological Virtual Freedom’) is, essentially, in enabling the actualism process to take over. In effect, the actualism process is what ensues when one gets out from being under control, via having given oneself prior permission to have one’s life live itself (i.e., sans the controlling doer), and a different way of being comes about (i.e., where the beer is the operant) – whereupon a thrilling out-from-control momentum takes over and an inevitability sets in – whereafter there is no pulling back (hence the reluctance in having it set in motion) as once begun it is nigh-on unstoppable. Then one is in for the ride of a lifetime! • intimate (n. & adj.): A. (n.): 1. a characteristic example of a human type (only in early seventeenth century); 2. a very close friend or associate (early seventeenth century); B (adj.): 1. (a): of or pertaining to the inmost nature or fundamental character of a thing; essential; intrinsic; now chiefly in scientific use (early seventeenth century); (b): entering deeply or closely into a matter (early nineteenth century); 2. proceeding from, concerning, or relating to one’s deepest thoughts or feelings; closely personal, private (middle seventeenth century); 3. involving very close connection or union; thoroughly mixed, united (middle seventeenth century); [e.g.]: “There is an intimate interdependence of intellect and morals”. (R. W. Emerson); 4. of knowledge: resulting from close familiarity; deep, extensive (middle seventeenth century); 5. (a): united by friendship or other personal relationship; familiar, close; also, pertaining to or dealing with close personal relations (middle seventeenth century); [e.g.]: “An intimate friend, a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul”. (L. M. Montgomery); “Having children in common they had something more intimate than could ever be shared by friends and lovers”. (A. N. Wilson); “Waking up with someone seemed more intimate than making love in some ways”. (J. Krantz); (b): familiarly associated; closely personal (late nineteenth century); [e.g.]: “These diminutive intimate things bring one near to the Old Roman life”. (H. James); (c): having or seeking to create an informal, warm, friendly atmosphere (early twentieth century); [e.g.]: “The armchairs had been arranged in intimate groups”. (W. Boyd); 6. (a): (euphemistic), having sexual intercourse (with, together) (late nineteenth century); [e.g.]: “Some of them were what newspapers call intimate together, without having undergone marriage”. (R. Macaulay); (b): pertaining to or involving the sexual organs or bodily orifices (early twentieth century); [e.g.]: “There was a long, fairly passionate embrace with a certain amount of intimate caressing”. (K. Amis); “And intimate searches (of body orifices) will be conducted by police officers”. (Times); (adv.): intimately (middle seventeenth century). [origin: early seventeenth century from Late Latin intimatus, past participle of intimare, from intimus, (n.): ‘a close friend’, (adj.) ‘innermost’ + -ate, suffix forming adjectives and nouns]. ~ (Oxford English Dictionary). • intimate (adj. and n.): I. (adj.): 1. inner; inmost; intrinsic; pertaining to minute details or particulars: as, ‘the intimate structure of an organism’; ‘the intimate principles of a science’; [e.g.]: “Enough beauty of climate hangs over these Roman cottages and farm-houses—beauty of light, of atmosphere and of vegetation; but their charm for seekers of the picturesque is the way in which the lustrous air seems to illuminate their intimate desolation”. (Henry James, “Italian Hours”); 2. pertaining to the inmost mind; existing in one’s inner thoughts or feelings; inward: as, ‘intimate convictions or beliefs’; ‘intimate knowledge of a subject’; [e.g.]: “They knew not | That what I motion’d was of God; I knew | From intimate impulse”. (John Milton, “Samson Agonistes”, 1. 223); “His characteristics were prudence, coolness, steadiness of purpose, and intimate knowledge of men”. (William Hickling Prescott, 1796-1859, “History of the Reign of Ferdinand and Isabella the Catholic”, ii. 24); 3. closely approximating or coalescing; near; familiar: as, ‘intimate relation of parts’; ‘intimate union of particles’; ‘intimate intercourse’; [e.g.]: “When the multitude were thundered away from any approach, he [Moses] was honoured with an intimate and immediate admission”. (Robert South, “Sermons Preached Upon Several Occasions”, Vol. I); “I crown thee [Winter] king of intimate delights, Fire-side enjoyments, homeborn happiness”. (William Cowper, “The Task, Book IV; The Winter Evening”, iv. 139); 4. close in friendship or acquaintance; on very familiar terms; not reserved or distant; [e.g.]: “I sent for three of my friends. We are so intimate that we can be company in whatever state of mind we meet, and can entertain each other without expecting always to rejoice”. (Richard Steele, “The Tatler”, No. 181); “Barbara... took Winifred’s waist in the turn of her arm—as is the way of young women, especially of such as are intimate enemies”. (John Williamson Palmer, “After his Kind”, p. 282); 5. familiarly associated; personal; [e.g.]: “These diminutive, intimate things bring one near to the old Roman life. ... A little glass cup that Roman lips have touched says more to us than the great vessel of an arena”. (Henry James, Jnr., “Little Tour in France”, p. 214); II. (n.): a familiar friend, companion, or guest; one who has close social relations with another or others; [e.g.]: “Poor Mr. Murphy was an intimate of my first husband’s”. (Mrs. Hester Lynch Thrale-Piozzi (née Salusbury), Aug. 29, 1810); “Thackeray was one of the intimates at Gore House”. (Walter Besant, “Fifty Years Ago”, p. 204); “I testify that our lord and our Prophet and our friend Mohham’mad is his servant, and his apostle, and his elect, and his intimate, the guide of the way, and the lamp of the dark”. (quoted in Edward William Lane’s “Modern Egyptians”, I. 101). [from Latin intimatus, pp., ‘made known’, ‘intimate’; see the verb]. ~ (Century Dictionary and Cyclopaedia). • intimity (n.): 1 (rare). intimate association; intimacy; 2. intimate quality; inward
or inner nature; close seclusionn or privacy. [French intimité, from
intime, from Latin intimus, ‘intimate’; see intime;
viz.: from French intime, from Latin intimus,
‘inmost’, ‘intimate’ (hence ultimately intime in English ), ‘inmost’, ‘innermost’, ‘most
intimate’; superlative (cf. interior, comparitive) of intus, ‘within’,
from in, ‘in’; see inter²; viz.: from Latin in,
‘in’, ‘within’ + -ter]. ~ (Century Dictionary and
Cyclopaedia). Put succinctly, this intimity To continue: I also detailed how feeling-being ‘Grace’, who was exacting in evaluating ‘her’ differing ways of being a ‘self’,
had gradations of scale in regards to intimacy (togetherness: → closeness: → sweetness: → richness: → magicality)—all
of which correlated to the range of naïveness from being sincere to becoming naïve and all the way through being naïveté
itself to an actual innocence—in the second and third paragraphs • ‘relationship: the state or fact of being related (the existence or effect of a connection); a connection, spec. an emotional (esp. sexual) association between two people. ~ (Oxford Dictionary).• ‘relationship: the relation (an aspect or quality that connects two or more things) connecting or binding participants. ~ (Merriam-Webster Dictionary).
To summarise: as a flesh-and-blood body only my experience of all other flesh-and-blood bodies—of which there are seven-plus billion of the human variety—is direct, instant, immediate, absolute ... as in, unmediated by any separative identity, whatsoever. In other words, as there are no feeling-beings in actuality then their highly-valued relationships/ friendships have no actual existence either. ’Tis all so simple, here. The Third Alternative (Peace On Earth In This Life Time As This Flesh And Blood Body) Here is an actual freedom from the Human Condition, surpassing Spiritual Enlightenment and any other Altered State Of Consciousness, and challenging all philosophy, psychiatry, metaphysics (including quantum physics with its mystic cosmogony), anthropology, sociology ... and any religion along with its paranormal theology. Discarding all of the beliefs that have held humankind in thralldom for aeons, the way has now been discovered that cuts through the ‘Tried and True’ and enables anyone to be, for the first time, a fully free and autonomous individual living in utter peace and tranquillity, beholden to no-one.
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