Page Number One
Respondent No. 1
RESPONDENT: In the sixth paragraph of the introduction you’ve pointed out that: ‘An ego-less Self is still an entity’. Over the past years I’ve always wondered why so much around the Masters looks as dirty as politics and I’ve realised that the ‘Holy Life’ doesn’t look too pretty. It seems to me that it’s time to examine the State that the Masters live in. You seem to know a lot about Enlightenment, Richard. Can you describe an ego-less Self in more detail?
RICHARD: First can we clarify the meaning of the word ‘entity’? It is a psychic ‘being’ that is created by thought and feelings ... the emotions and passions cloud the mind’s native intelligence causing it to conjure up all sorts of hallucinations and phantasms. Just as the Christians have people who are said to be ‘possessed’ by an evil entity that requires exorcism, so too is every human being ‘possessed’ by an entity – the persona, the personality, the self, the ego, the identity and so on. As everyone has this very real apparition in their psyche it is considered normal and not requiring exorcism. Up until now, in the history of human endeavour on this magnificent planet, the only effort to expunge from this body of any psychic phenomena at all, has been to ‘dissolve the ego’. It is generally agreed that to be egotistical is not at all a good thing, hence the global condemnation of the egoist. In psychiatry one is considered ‘normal’ if one is a ‘well-balanced personality’, managing somehow to juggle all the conflicting morals and values into some kind of ad hoc order. In the East – and lately in the West – the effort by certain peoples has been to eliminate the ego entirely ... and then consider that the job is over. It is not.
This ‘death of the ego’ is only for the orthodox-minded people; it is for those who are easily seduced by the Glamour and the Glory and the Glitz of the much-touted Altered State. This is why pure intent is an essential prerequisite to ensure a guaranteed passage through the psychic maze. With pure intent one will not rest until one has gone all the way. One will not be bewitched by the psychic Power and Authority, either. All these allurements are but welcome food for the cunning ego, which wanting only its own survival, readily sublimates itself into the Self. With the clarity born of pure intent one can see this play for what it is and move on freely and willingly to what lies at the end of the wide and wondrous path ... the end of ‘being’. With pure intent one will not settle for second best, for it has been seen that the very best is possible, here on earth. One sees that ‘I’ must disappear entirely. There will be no transcendence, no transmutation, no metamorphosis ... not any of these. For one who goes all the way, no phoenix will exist to arise from the ashes – nothing Metaphysical will remain. There will be no ‘being’ at all. ‘I’ will become extinct.
The ego is only half of one’s entity; the other half is the Soul. When the ego dies, one has dispelled an illusion – the illusion of a personal self – only to wind up living in a delusion – the delusion of an impersonal Self. To take oneself to be the Self, the Soul, the Supreme, the Absolute, or God On Earth, is nothing short of institutionalised insanity. The delusion must be dispelled in order to be actually free: along with the ‘death of the ego’ there must be a corresponding ‘death of the Soul’. Then ‘I’ – the Self – do not exist, psychologically speaking, in any way at all. This condition I call actual freedom. Thus far one has had only two choices: being normal or being spiritual. Now there is a third alternative ... and it supersedes any Mystical Altered State. In Enlightenment – or any other Altered State Of Consciousness – there has been a transcendence of duality and a sublimation of the personality into an exalted state of being. ‘Being’ still exists in the Altered State. This is why there is so much ‘dirty politics’ around the Masters. The reason that the ‘Holy Life’ does not look too pretty is because the ‘dirt’ stems from them personally ... they are the sole cause of the ‘Holy Life’ getting so much well-deserved bad press. Their duality has not been extirpated, it has merely been transcended. Evil is still in existence. As one well-known Enlightened Master correctly reported, referring to his experience of the Enlightened State: ‘The silver-tongued devil is immortal’.
RICHARD: The Masters are not qualified to lead others ... the blame for the continuation of human misery lies squarely in the lap of these inspired people who, although having sufficient courage to proceed into the Unknown, stopped short of the final goal – the Unknowable. They have led humankind astray ... they keep a benighted humanity in appalling tribulation and distress. The death of the ego is not sufficient: the extinction of the self in its entirety is the essential ingredient for peace and prosperity to reign over all and everyone. In actual freedom, one can happily act as a mentor to the other person, freely facilitating their personal quest. It is a life well worth living indeed, for in the actual world lies not only peace but actual innocence. One is pure innocence personified, for one is literally free from sin and guilt. One is untouched by evil; no malice or sorrow exists anywhere in this body. One is utterly innocent ... innocence, that much abused word, can come to its full flowering and one is easily able to be freely ingenuous – noble in character – without any effort at all inasmuch as integrity is bestowed gratuitously. One can live unequivocally, endowed with a natural grace and dignity. To thus live candidly, in arrant innocence, is a remarkable condition of excellence.
Be guided by pure intent, which is so unlike the strictures of morality whereupon the entity struggles in vain to resemble the purity of the actual. Even the strictest application of moralistic injunctions will never lead to purity. Purity is a natural condition, intrinsic to this universe. A human being can tap into this purity by pure intent. Pure intent can be activated with sincere attention paid to the state of naiveté. To be naive is to be natural, unaffected, unselfconsciously artless – in short: ingenuous. Naiveté is a much-maligned word, having the common assumption that it implies gullibility. Nevertheless, to be naive means to be simple and unsophisticated. Pride is derived from an intellect inured to naive innocence; to such an intellect, to be guileless appears to be gullible, stupid. In actuality, one has to be gullible to be sophisticated, to be wise in the ways of the real world. The ‘worldly-wise’ realists are not in touch with the purity of innocence; they readily obey the peremptory decrees of the cultured sophisticates. Innocence is something entirely new; it has never existed in human beings before. It is an evolutionary break-through to come upon innocence. It is a mutation of the human mind.
Naiveté is a necessary precursor to invoke the condition of innocence. One surely has to be naive to contemplate the profound notion that this universe is benign, friendly. One needs to be naive to think that this universe has an inherent imperative for well-being to flourish; that it has a built-in benevolence available to one who is artless, without guile. One can bring about a benediction from that perfection and purity which is the essential nature of the universe by contacting and cultivating one’s natural state of naiveté. Naiveté is that intimate aspect of oneself that is the nearest approximation that one can have of actual innocence – there is no innocence so long as there is a self – and constant awareness of naive intimacy results in a continuing benediction. This blessing allows a connection to be made between oneself and the perfection and purity of this universe. This connection I call pure intent. Pure intent endows one with the ability to operate and function safely in society without the incumbent identity with its ever-vigilant conscience. Thus reliably rendered virtually innocent and relatively harmless by the benefaction of the perfection and purity, one can begin to dismantle the now-redundant social identity.
One can eliminate the sense of identity that has been overlaid – from conception to the present day – on top of the self. With cheerful diligence and application born out of pure intent, one whittles away at the persistent identity, abandoning the desire for unity, until one arrives at a virtual freedom. In virtual freedom one is ninety nine percent free and the other one percent causes very little trouble, if any, and with virtual freedom operating in every human being there could be a veritable peace-on-earth. Finally the day of destiny dawns wherein one is catapulted into actual freedom ... one has escaped one’s fate and universal peace and tranquillity emerges. Being free from malice and sorrow, innocence and benignity are one’s constant condition. In consummate purity and perfection, which wells up from an infinite stillness, one is the universe experiencing itself in all its magnificence as a reflective human being.
Respondent No. 2
RESPONDENT: Thank you for long, patient feedback on my reflections. Can I have your views on what is the purpose of this life on earth as a human being?
RICHARD: The purpose of life on earth as a human being is to understand that I, as this body, am not separate from the universe. One is, after all, made up of the very stuff of the universe ... and I mean this as a physical actuality. The very material that this body is constituted of is the material of the universe – one did not come from ‘outside’ of it and be randomly placed ‘in’ here by some god for some mysterious purpose that is not up to humans to fathom. It is possible to fully know the ‘Mystery of Life’ to such an extent that one is completely satisfied and fulfilled. Nothing more needs to be done other than to live it each moment again and to enjoy and appreciate it all fully and totally. The utter purity of this perfect understanding – and the living of it – defies imagination and is impossible to believe. All of ones wishes and dreams are answered ... and more. It is the adventure of a lifetime to embark upon a voyage of exploration and discovery; to not only seek but to find. And once found, it is here for the term of one’s natural life – it is an irreversible mutation in consciousness. Once launched it is impossible to turn back and resume one’s normal life ... one has to be absolutely sure that this is what one truly wants.
The reward for going to the very end of illusion and delusion is to emerge unscathed and to find oneself actually being here for the very first time. The benefits of doing all this are beyond price ... the immediate bestowal of universal peace upon oneself – resulting in thus ushering in the possibility for a global peace-on-earth – is the benefit most worthy of acknowledgment. Yet, rewards and benefits notwithstanding, to have reached one’s destiny is to be of the ultimate service possible – the universe has been able to fulfil itself in me, a human being. Finally there is an intelligence operating unimpeded ... blind nature has been superseded. There is, most assuredly, not an ‘Intelligence’ behind the universe, as is commonly supposed. To entertain such a notion is to commit the vulgar error of anthropomorphism. Intelligence abides only in humans – and the free operation of this intelligence is constantly being thwarted by the parasitical psychological entity known as ‘me’. ‘I’ am an identity, a ‘being’, a ‘presence’ that interferes with the smooth running of life. ‘I’ create everyday reality – and it is a grim business to live in this reality, with only scant moments of reprieve. With the dissolution of ‘I’ – the self in its entirety – reality vanishes and this actual world of perfection and excellence becomes apparent.
Actual perfection and excellence is free. It is the freely available bonus of daring to be me. Freeing myself of ‘Self-Realisation’, which manifests as ‘me’ being ‘The Self’ that exists for all eternity in a ‘Timeless and Spaceless’ realm – the ‘Greater Reality’ – was the last step into actuality. Everyday reality was an illusion and the ‘Greater Reality’ was a delusion born out of the illusion. Unadorned I stand on my own; more free than a bird on the wing and cleaner than a sea-breeze on a sweltering summer’s day. To be me is to be fresh, each moment again. Owing nothing to no one I am free from corruption – perversity has vanished forever. Unpolluted as I am by any alien entity, my thoughts and my deeds are automatically graceful. Goodwill, freed of social morality, comes effortlessly to me for all internal conflict is over. I am gentle and peaceful in character. All this comes as no surprise for it is what humans have all long suspected to be the case. This universe, this physical world humans all live in, is too big in its grandeur, too neatly complex in its arrangement, and too perfectly organised in its structure for humans to be eternally doomed to perpetual misery. Surely, no one can believe for a moment that it is all fated to be forever wrong. This is a tremendous universe in all its workings – this physical world humans live in is magnificent, to say the least.
RICHARD: I do not need the stimulation of frenetic ‘busyness’ to enhance my day with a self-induced sense of importance. I no longer have to justify my existence here on earth by doing and achieving something that is considered ‘worthwhile’ by the denizens of the real world. Being here – fully here – is the summation of all existence; nobody is going anywhere, anyway, for one is already always here. This universe is openly being here in all its splendour and magnificence and I am simply being here at this moment in time where only actuality exists. The perfection endowed by the infinitude of all space and time is such a remarkable occurrence that nothing more needs to be done other than to enjoy it through-and-through each moment again. This experience of being here is the experiential apperception of the much sought-after ‘meaning of life’. So what more could one ask for? Nothing is a mystery any more; there is no riddle to be solved nor any puzzle to be unravelled for all is open to view. Because of the sheer infinity of the universe I can never be bored or restless ... each moment is packed so full of the pleasure of being here that I do not have time for reverie or speculation. Other than the essential physical planning required for the smooth running of my day-to-day activities I have no idea at all as to what I want to do with my life. This constant realisation is ambrosial.
One can realise that one is the universe experiencing itself as a sensate and reflective human being.
Respondent No. 3
RESPONDENT: How wonderful it is to have received your letter of information and sample article. How the spirit and your message of freedom shines through. I myself have been on my quest for Absolute understanding, full time, for so long now; attempting integration of that which is truly unique and free, which we shall call here the infinitude. This endeavour, I am sure, is along similar lines as to the matters discussed in the literature you so graciously sent to me, in that it involves the complete and utter annihilation of anything that is or constitutes a self and thus enables one to realise the infinite or non-being.
Even after just one read-through of your correspondence I feel myself closer to the revelation of non-belief than ever before. So strong is the this sense of connection, such is my sense of urgency and so absolutely desperate to find total meaning and understanding am I, that I reply immediately. It does indeed excite and overwhelm me to have met you, albeit through correspondence, and your assistance even thus far in these matters is truly invaluable and much treasured and cherished. As it is, I am still unsure and thus ignorant of just what it is that I am looking for and hence often feel an empty incompleteness rather than an abundance of inner joy that is the final answer will I’m sure bring forth.
Thus the potent literature content of the material you sent to me is, through direct association of other’s accounts, the most powerful and hence likely means to ensure my success in this venture ... it is that I beg to ask of you for some more of this fine work. The message holding the very key I am needing and so ‘desperate’ to find will indeed be contained in your material and will ‘hit home’ and permit release, finally, of my confusion and bewilderment of ‘unknowing’.
RICHARD: You say that you have been on your quest for absolute understanding for a long time ... I would be very interested to hear some details of your understanding up to this point in time so as to ascertain where we can carry on a fruitful and rewarding discussion. However, going on what you have said in regard to being unsure as to just what exactly you are looking for and thus ignorant of what constitutes total meaning – I see that we could begin from there. You go on to say that you are desirous of ridding yourself of anything that constitutes a self – the annihilation of self. This is a further area we could discuss. And, thirdly, you say you wish to achieve non-belief and non-being.
RICHARD: (1) The Goal: There is an utter purity in the perfection of this universe we all live in which wells up ever-fresh from an immense stillness which is the genesis of all that is apparent. This universe is infinite – it has no beginning and no end ... it has always been and always will be here. Things may come and go but the universe itself is everlasting. As the universe is infinite, it follows that it has no ‘edges’, as it were. As there are no edges to this universe it means there is no centre to it. We are nowhere in particular ... and I mean this literally, factually. We are all floating in limitless space upon this planet earth, going nowhere and coming from nowhere. The goal in life is to realise this infinitude and live it as an actuality each moment again. This is possible for a human being, as I have personally been living it for a number of years now. The living of it is to experience being everywhere all at once whilst being nowhere in particular, for this is the living experience of infinity. For most people, infinite just means endless – but this is a limited understanding based upon what the self-bound mind can grasp intellectually.
One can realise that one is the universe experiencing itself as a reflective human being. We are, after all, made up of the very stuff of the universe ... and I mean this as a physical actuality. The very material that this body is constituted of is the material of the universe – we did not come from ‘outside’ of it and randomly placed ‘in’ here by some god for some mysterious purpose that is not up to us to fathom. It is possible to fully know the ‘Mystery of Life’ to such an extent that one is fully satisfied and fulfilled. Nothing more needs to be done other than to live it each moment again and to enjoy and appreciate it all fully and totally. The utter purity of this perfect understanding – and the living of it – defies imagination and is impossible to believe. All of ones wishes and dreams are answered ... and more. It is the adventure of a lifetime to embark upon a voyage of exploration and discovery; to not only seek but to find. And once found, it is yours for the term of your natural life – it is an irreversible mutation in consciousness. Once launched it is impossible to turn back and resume one’s normal life ... one has to be absolutely sure that this is what one truly wants.
RICHARD: (2) The Self: The self is what one is born with; it grew out of blind nature’s method of perpetuating the species via the instinct for survival. All sentient beings have an awareness of self ... all conscious beings know that they are separate from everything else. Unfortunately, with our ability to think, which animals do not have, we transformed this instinct for survival into a will to survive – a mental and emotional operation. This creates a psychological entity – the self – which takes up residence within this body and feeds off it like a parasite. What humans have done is to overlay a sense of identity on top of this self – the people who were already here when we were born considered it to be of vital importance that you have an identity, for in a social sense the self is considered wayward and in need of control. By the time one is approximately seven years of age one has a concept of Right and Wrong, Good and Bad. Thus is a conscience formed ... and it is vital that a wayward self has some measure of being controlled. Then comes all the moral injunctions and ethical codes of behaviour. This leads, inevitably to frustration and resentment.
The name of the game then is to first rid oneself of the identity which has been overlaid on top of the self. You will notice that this way of dismantling is different from the traditional Teachings of the Masters who dissolved their ego. The ego constitutes only one half of the self – the other half is the soul, if we are to use their language. They may have rid themselves of an ego, but they have blown their personal self (always with a lower-case ‘s’) up into an enormous impersonal Self (always with a capital ‘S’). This is what I did back in 1981 and I was without an ego for eleven years. In 1992 I dissolved the soul in a like manner and arrived in a condition I choose to call actual freedom. Actual freedom is not an altered state of consciousness as is Spiritual Enlightenment, Religious Illumination or Mystical Union. I am without a self or a Self. I have neither an ego nor a soul. I have no being whatsoever. There is no parasite living inside this body at all. Needless to say it is a most remarkable condition to be in! This enables me to be in such an extreme state of awareness that I describe it as apperception, which is the mind’s awareness of itself. It is as if I have eyes in the back of my head – which I do not – but it is a three-hundred-and-sixty-degree awareness.
RICHARD: (3) Non-belief: My favourite subject as beliefs are the bane of humankind. Beliefs have been so instrumental in killing, maiming, torturing and otherwise causing such pain and suffering since the dawn of human history, that one wonders that they are given any credence at all these days. It behoves one to examine each and every belief – especially those that pass for ‘truths’ – and watch them disappear out of one’s life forever. It is so liberating to be free of beliefs – of believing itself – that I cannot recommend their elimination highly enough. One’s sense of identity is largely made up of beliefs ... beliefs and feelings. In fact a belief is an emotion-backed thought. The vast majority of the beliefs that one carries are not invented by oneself; they were imbibed with the mother’s milk and added to thereupon up to the present day. They are inherited beliefs, put into the child with love and fear – reward and punishment. It is no wonder human beings are such a desperate lot. A ‘mature Adult’ is actually a lost, lonely and frightened entity careering around in confusion and delusion.
However, it is never too late to begin to undo that which has been done to you. One of the marvellous aspects of entering into actualism is that it is a wide and wondrous path full of delight and discovery ... with some down-turns from time-to-time as the old ways reassert themselves. I will not pretend for a moment that all is rosy when one begins to dismantle one’s belief system; one’s very identity is at stake ... not to mention the self. The identity and self will put up a good fight for they want to stay in existence as they have a lot to lose. To wit: their life. As the sense of self is firmly based upon the instinct for survival, it will get up to all kinds of tricks to retain and regain its ascendancy. But it is not a hopeless case: if I can do it, anyone can. I am not special. I was born of normal parents and went to an ordinary State school. I got a job and worked for a living like anyone else. I became married and raised a family. I claim no special abilities other than a determination to succeed in my desired ambition. In 1980 I had what is known as a ‘Peak Experience’ wherein I experienced the perfection and purity of the universe as-it-is. I was hooked! I devoted myself to the task of setting myself free of absolutely everything that stood in the way of attaining what I had experienced. The word ‘fail’ is not in my vocabulary. Other than that, the only requirement is that one is a human being.
Respondent No. 4
RESPONDENT: I am writing because I wanted to say that I feel your experiences mirror my own, so I would like confirmation. Although I was only ‘there’ for I think a few minutes (quite difficult to gauge given that time is somehow compressed), I would describe it as complete immersion in the prime substance and mind. I must say here that the experience came after a swift coming to terms with life as something filled with hopelessness, suffering and Samsaric purposelessness, something that rather than be ruled by I felt compelled to remove myself from with, once decided, the suddenness of a knife thrust.
I remember the lake I was just by chance faced with after blacking out involuntarily. When I re-entered consciousness, I could hear the moving of the ripples, the glorious blue constantly wavering was somehow closer to my face than had I been an inch away from it. The light reflecting off the water was everywhere and I could see it was travelling, see its speed. The insects were audible in the most minute detail – as if I had acquired the hearing of a bat. Any (significant) movement I made was preceded by a thought process which weighed up dozens of considerations (in a matter of two or three seconds) of what to do, yet was automatic and not directed specifically by myself – similar to an automated reflex. Actually moving was accompanied with a cosmic or spiritual purpose that created an internal exquisiteness of the highest order.
The realisation that the ‘I’ that I employed to go about in the world was absent and a mere illusion, was quite a shock for obvious reasons. In a way I think I tried to invite it in as there was a fear about moving in the world without a distinct ‘I’ ... just a perfect invisible union with all around. This led to my downfall, and after momentarily blacking out again I re-entered delusion. I remember looking at that ‘I’ just before I left this garden of Eden as something so alien to the real me, something with absolutely no connection to what I am, a completely lost, forsaken, deluded, ignorant false entity that had taken over my life for 22 years at that point and was about to conquer me again. Its fascinating to think that what we hold so strongly to as ourselves is an artificial fabrication that is in no way linked to what we are in essence, in truth, in Reality. The cosmic substance you talk about permeated everything from my mind and body, to the wavering water and the visible air and light. It was what I would imagine walking in space would be like, because it was like having the entire world in front of you.
One last thing, just before I took the final leap into this Realm (fully thinking I would find only death, once my inner world of Samsara was extinguished) I actually heard within a rush of many what seemed to be spirits spurring me on to go for it, as if it was the only thing truly worth doing ... which indeed it is. These spirits were former humans, I believe, who perhaps achieved this state permanently and are thus ever-present, waiting to give their full support to anyone of us who will lose himself for the sake of something he believes in. Perhaps (as for me), just that people should not innately have to suffer the constant cyclic pain of attachments that forever bear no solid fruit, and thoughts that merely lead one in meaningless perpetual circles. I felt that me as a person was not deserving of that fate either now, before, or any longer, and I was prepared to sacrifice all I had if that’s what was required, even if it meant death, I wasn’t content to lead a dishonest life of subservience to unfulfilling desires.
Please let me know if this connects with your experiences in any depth.
RICHARD: Thank you for your very precise E-Mail detailing your peak experience (for that is what it is called) ... I would be happy to corroborate where applicable.
You wrote: ‘A swift coming to terms with life as something filled with hopelessness, suffering and Samsaric purposelessness, something that rather than be ruled by, I felt compelled to remove myself from with, once decided, the suddenness of a knife thrust’.
Yes, this is exactly the case. People can spend a life-time cleansing themself, purifying themself, abstaining from all kinds of things ... to no avail. The way to freedom is by removing oneself from the ‘real world’ and stepping swiftly into the actual world ... and leaving your ‘self’ behind where it belongs. Life is a grim business in the ‘real world’ with only scant moments of reprieve ... and it is ‘I’ who creates the ‘real world’ reality over the top of the actual world. In a valiant, but ultimately futile attempt to stay in existence, ‘I’ can realise ‘myself’ as being the ‘Transcendent Self’ existing for all ‘Eternity’ ... ‘Deathless’, ‘Unborn’, Undying’, ‘Timeless’, ‘Spaceless’, ‘Immortal’ ... and so on. This has been the way of humans for millennia: to escape from ‘reality’ by creating a ‘Greater Reality’ ... this is the wisdom of the Sages and the Saints, the Masters and the Messiahs, the Avatars and the Saviours – and is but a delusion created out of an illusion. It is all predicated upon the persistence of an identity existing through into an ‘After-Life’.
You then wrote: ‘I could hear the moving of the ripples, the glorious blue constantly wavering was somehow closer to my face than had I been an inch away from it. The light reflecting off the water was everywhere and I could see it was travelling, see its speed. The insects were audible in the most minute detail – as if I had acquired the hearing of a bat’.
This is a very accurate description of what I call the actual world – the world of the sense organs unmediated by a ‘who’ within the body. For the sake of clarity, I call this apperception. Apperception – which the Oxford Dictionary defines as: ‘The mind’s perception of itself’ – is when ‘I’ temporarily vacate the scene and I experience myself as being these eyes seeing, these ears hearing ... and so on. All the senses are heightened and all is vivid, intense, vital and dynamic. Everywhere and everything is already perfect as-it-is and nothing more needs to be done other than to live this experience, every moment again, for the term of one’s natural life. There is no need for a sense of identity, a sense of self, a sense of ‘I’ ... in fact, ‘I’ have been standing in the way, all these years, of this actual world being apparent. It is actually as simple as this to be free. And with the ending of ‘I’, which was only an illusion, and by not falling prey to becoming the second ‘I’, which is a delusion (‘I am God’, ‘I am The Supreme’, I am That’, I am The Absolute’ – or even just ‘I am’), one has eliminated both sorrow and malice forever. There is no evil in the actual world; evil exists only in the human psyche ... and in the ‘real world’ which ‘I’ create. Likewise there is no sorrow in the actual world; suffering exists only in the human psyche also. The actual world is a world of benignity and benevolence.
You further wrote: ‘The realisation that the ‘I’ that I employed to go about in the world was absent, a mere illusion, was quite a shock for obvious reasons. In a way I think I tried to invite it in as there was a fear about moving in the world without a distinct ‘I’.’
It is usually fear which prevents one from entering into actuality, for after all, it means the end of ‘you’ ... which is everything that you think and feel yourself to be ... every single bit of ‘you’. It means extinction, the end of being anyone at all; it is the end of ‘being’ itself. ‘I’ do not exist in any way, shape or form. Fear can become terror – and terror can become dread. It requires nerves of steel to go all the way ... but the rewards for doing so are beyond price.
You then say: ‘I remember looking at that ‘I’ just before I left this garden of Eden as something so alien to the real me, something with absolutely no connection to what I am, a completely lost, forsaken, deluded, ignorant false entity that had taken over my life for 22 years at that point and was about to conquer me again’.
I have written elsewhere: ‘The way of becoming actually free is both simple and practical. One starts by dismantling the sense of identity that has been overlaid, from birth onward, over the innate self until one is virtually free from all the social mores and psittacisms. Virtually free from all the beliefs, ideas, values, theories, truths, customs, traditions, ideals, superstitions ... and all the other schemes and dreams. One can become aware of all the socialisation, of all the conditioning, of all the programming, of all the methods and techniques that were used to produce what one thinks and feels oneself to be – a wayward identity careering around in confusion and illusion. A ‘mature adult’ is actually a lost, lonely, frightened and very cunning entity. However, it is never too late to start in on uncovering and discovering what one actually is. One can become virtually free from all the insidious feelings – the emotions and passions – that fuel the mind and give credence to all the illusions and delusions and fantasies and hallucinations that masquerade as visions of The Truth. One can become virtually free of all that which has encumbered humans with misery and despair and live in a state of virtual freedom ... which is beyond normal human expectations anyway. Then, and only then, can the day of destiny dawn wherein one becomes actually free. One will have obtained release from one’s fate and achieved one’s birthright ... and the world will be all the better for it’.
I took particular note of this: ‘Just before I took the final leap into this Realm (fully thinking I would find only death, once my inner world of Samsara was extinguished) I actually heard within a rush of many what seemed to be spirits spurring me on to go for it, as if it was the only thing truly worth doing, which indeed it is’.
This was my experience also, seventeen years ago. I have since ascertained that, of course, these spirits are born out of the Human Condition ... coming from what is coined ‘The Collective Unconscious’. It matters not, the main thing is that you were spurred on, because it is indeed the only thing worth doing. Just so long as you do not believe in the ‘spirits’ as actually existing you will be safe from the delusions that have beset other human beings in similar situations. If you make the mistake of believing in them you may very well fall into surrendering to some ‘Higher Power’, some ‘Ultimate Authority’ and miss out on the magnificence of living as a free and autonomous human being in this actual world of people, things and events.
And I specifically liked this section: ‘People should not innately have to suffer the constant cyclic pain of attachments that forever bear no solid fruit, and thoughts that merely lead one in meaningless perpetual circles. I felt that me as a person was not deserving of that fate either now, before, or any longer, and I was prepared to sacrifice all I had if that’s what was required, even if it meant death, I wasn’t content to lead a dishonest life of subservience to unfulfilling desires’.
I echo your sentiments: ‘I was prepared to sacrifice all I had if that is what is required – even if it meant death’ Back in 1981 the ‘I’ that I was then was prepared to do whatever it took (provided it broke no legal law of society). I fondly call it the ‘boots and all’ approach; it was a task that ‘I’ dedicated ‘my’ life to.
I would like to finish of with something I wrote some time ago:
‘The peak experience provides an objective standpoint to view ‘I’ from. It is easily seen from here that ‘I’ stand in the way of ultimate fulfilment ... of ‘my’ destiny. Pure contemplation is the means to provide one with repeated opportunities to make this examination thorough; all doubt is removed and only surety remains. This is the only way one will be convinced that ‘I’ must vanish altogether. This is why I can say, confidently, that the ‘death of the ego’ is not sufficient, for it only means substituting an impersonal ‘I’ – now called ‘Being’ – for the personal ‘I’. ‘Being’, whether it goes with a capital to denote Divinity or not, means an ‘I’ is still in existence. Therefore the ‘death of the ego’ people’s ‘discoveries’ about the fate of humanity are questionable, to say the least, and their ‘solutions’ to life’s problems are equally suspect. Unless there is an end to ‘being’, which is what death is, one can not say one has penetrated into the ‘Mystery of Life’, one has not found ultimate fulfilment, one has not achieved peace-on-earth. One is only fooling oneself – and some other gullible people – if one is so easily satisfied.
‘This ‘death of the ego’ is only for the orthodox-minded people; it is for those who are easily seduced by the Glamour and the Glory and the Glitz of the much-touted Altered State. This is why pure intent is an essential prerequisite to ensure a guaranteed passage through the psychic maze. With pure intent one will not rest until one has gone all the way. One will not be bewitched by the psychic Power and Authority, either. All these allurements are but welcome food for the cunning ego, which wanting only its own survival, readily sublimates itself into the Spirit. With the clarity born of pure intent one can see this play for what it is and move on freely and willingly to what lies at the end of the wide and wondrous path ... the end of ‘being’. With pure intent one will not settle for second best, for it has been seen in the peak experiences that the very best is possible, here on earth. One sees that ‘I’ must disappear entirely. There will be no transcendence, no transmutation, no metamorphosis ... not any of these. For one who goes all the way, no phoenix will exist to arise from the ashes – nothing Metaphysical will remain. There will be no ‘being’ at all. ‘I’ will become extinct.
‘I use the word extinct deliberately for it carries a definitive meaning. Physically, death is the end of an individual member of the species, whilst extinction is the ending of the species itself. The psychological annihilation of ‘I’ – in its entirety – is the psychological ending of the species known as ‘humanity’. It is the end of ‘being’ and the end of an illusion. It is also the end of ‘Being’ and the end of delusion. The Human Condition, with all its appalling sorrow and malice, has come to an end in me. All those would-be wise people who state smugly: ‘You can’t change human nature’ are, fortunately, wrong. Because it is possible for ‘me’ to become extinct, thereby releasing the body from the ‘being’ within, I can walk freely in the world as-it-is – this actual world. I, as this body only, am living in that perfect purity twenty-four-hours-a-day. I live in a state of benignity, which means a kindly and harmless disposition. Life is a playful game and I am free to enjoy it all, every moment again.
‘‘Humanity’, which gave birth to ‘me’, was being sustained by ‘me’ remaining as a ‘being’. ‘I’ am forever fettered by the Human Condition. The species known as ‘humanity’ has searched for an Ultimate Fulfilment within the arena of the Human Condition for all of history. Such a search is endless and futile, for it is a search within an illusion. Only further illusions – further states of ‘being’ – can be found there ... or delusions. Becoming Divine is a delusion – a state of ‘Being’ that is an insult to intelligence. ‘I’ will never find the ultimate fulfilment for ‘I’ am standing in the way of the ‘Mystery of Life’ being revealed. There is no way out, ‘I’ am doomed. ‘I’ must, inevitably, cease to ‘be’. Instead of bemoaning ‘my’ fate and vainly searching for an escape, ‘I’ can see ‘myself’ for what ‘I’ am. This seeing is the beginning of the ending of ‘me’. The extinction of ‘me’ is the ultimate sacrifice ‘I’ can make to ensure the possibility of peace-on-earth for not only me but for all humankind.
‘I find myself here, in the world as-it-is. A vast stillness lies all around, abounding with purity. Beneficence, an active kindness, overflows in all directions, imbuing everything with unimaginable fairytale-like quality. For me to be able to be here at all was a blessing that only ‘I’ could grant, because nobody else could do it for me. I am full of admiration for the ‘me’ that dared to do such a thing. I owe all that I experience now to ‘me’. I salute ‘my’ audacity. And what an adventure it was ... and still is. These are the wondrous workings of the exquisite nature of life – who would have it any other way?’
It is indeed possible.
Respondent No. 5
RESPONDENT: If I had not had a PCE just recently I wouldn’t know what you were talking about. As I read what you say, I say, yes that’s it – that’s what was going on and I wasn’t there! Impossible to put over to someone in words – so unusual – yet so, so real. A lot of words now make sense – like emptiness.
Here is a description, you may have already seen it as I posted this in to another mailing list before:
‘Went to New England last month – there is a lighthouse and a small parking area out on a peninsula – sitting there in the car – two geese flew from left to right across the front of the car about 20 feet out and 20 feet or so above the water – about eye level. As I remember afterward – there was no time – just the geese flying – their dark eyes, beautiful and wonderful – along with a verbal WOW from me – but I wasn’t there – just this timeless happening’.
My guess is the mind relaxes and doesn’t think so much. The point is that I – the ‘you’ referred to by J. Krishnamurti below – remembered it. The experience was all – I wasn’t engrossed in the experience at the time – I really wasn’t there. Only afterward did I (thought) reflect on it This was a one of a kind experience for me. I can’t explain the realness of it to anyone and don’t try (you’re an exception because you understand). The timelessness of it was astounding (after it was over) and me not being there can’t be described. The experience does make it easier to see in the moment the emptiness of everything. However, nothing has ever been as real as that timeless time.
(Krishnamurti said: ‘Have ‘you’ ever noticed when ‘you’ are in a state of complete attention the observer, the thinker, the centre, the ‘me’, comes to and end? In that state of attention thought begins to whither away’.)
RICHARD: I am pleased to hear that not only have you had a PCE recently, but that you can remember it as well. Most people can not and need a lot of prompting to retrieve from their memory. I am interested in this topic as I had the first PCE that I could remember in 1980 ... and that triggered of memories of similar incidents in my child-hood. I had one when I was eight years old and had locked it away, out of sight, for twenty six years. It proved to be the turning point of my life ... and it can be for others as well. It is possible to live like that, twenty four hours a day, for the rest of your life. This I call an actual freedom. It is here on earth, in this life-time, as this body.
Everybody that I have spoken to over the last eighteen years – everybody – has had at least one PCE. For example:
It is a universal experience common to all humans from all walks of life. Therefore it is objectively authentic, unlike religion and spirituality which require belief and faith, and is the genuine peace-on-earth we have all been looking for. It is what gives rise to such expressions as: ‘There must be more to life than this’. Nevertheless, as I said before, people do not usually remember them easily.
This is because, in a PCE, there is no ‘I’ to record the memory on the affective ‘tape-recorder’, for the PCE is not a matter for the emotions and passions. All other (normal) memories have an affective component ... which is why there is nostalgia and sentimentality in people’s reveries.
The Third Alternative
(Peace On Earth In This Life Time As This Flesh And Blood Body)
Here is an actual freedom from the Human Condition, surpassing Spiritual Enlightenment and any other Altered State Of Consciousness, and challenging all philosophy, psychiatry, metaphysics (including quantum physics with its mystic cosmogony), anthropology, sociology ... and any religion along with its paranormal theology. Discarding all of the beliefs that have held humankind in thralldom for aeons, the way has now been discovered that cuts through the ‘Tried and True’ and enables anyone to be, for the first time, a fully free and autonomous individual living in utter peace and tranquillity, beholden to no-one.
Richard's Text ©The Actual Freedom Trust: 1997-. All Rights Reserved.