Great to see you writing on the forum again and also that you report significant progress.

ADAM: Firstly, my interest in Actualism is still very much present. Other pursuits became dominant but my interest in Actualism and my ability to access pure intent has always been there

The desire to achieve wealth and the desire to mate (for lack of a better term) was so strong and all pervasive that I could not put them aside to give undivided attention to the actualism method.

VINEETO: It’s interesting that you should think that when there is a “desire to mate" (just to take one point for simplicity) that you cannot apply the actualism method on this topic. Yet this is exactly what Richard meant when he said –

Richard: “Actual freedom works in the market place ... there is no meditating in silence or living in a monastery shut away from the world. There are no celibacy or obedience requirements. […]” (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Irene, 6 October 1998).

In fact, I had several reports from a practicing actualist of having outstanding success how this very topic, the “desire to mate”, provided them with valuable insights to their affective ups and downs in their endeavour via paying diligent attention and affective awareness, and how sincere contemplation and ongoing affective attention revealed many secrets how their mind ticks on this issue and which triggers caused a diminishment to feeling good, which they then rectified with sensible action. They reported that a good dose of naiveté is invaluable help – i.e. to allow oneself to be naïve (even allow oneself to feel gauche or foolish), like a child again but with adult sensibilities. With naiveté they could then discover the see-saw of expectations and disappointments and replace them with more naïve and sensible choices.

For instance, you have the option, when experiencing strong desire, to experiment with neither suppressing nor expressing it but allowing the third alternative to hove into view (such as described here) (Richard, selected Correspondence, Aggression). 

In this way the strong affective/ instinctual energy can transition into naïve and felicitous affective energy.

ADAM: In terms of dating, I have developed some confidence and clarity in this area. […]

Not sure if these issues sound silly, but they seemed to direct so much of my attention.

So I look too feeling good and enjoying it and learning more about the human condition in me to make progress toward habitually being happy and harmless. There are some issues that I feel maybe only time and experience (such as learning the redundance of love) can solve but that doesn’t mean I can’t make progress toward being happy and harmless.

VINEETO: Of course, these issues are not “silly” at all as they are part and parcel of the core of the instinctual passions, and as such most people experience similar issues as yourself. It is excellent that you “developed some confidence and clarity in this area” and that you are now more confident to be able to pay attention to enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive and will be able to catch what triggers any diminishment of an ongoing enjoyment and appreciation.

It is such a thrilling adventure to explore how ‘I’ tick and move towards more and more feeling good -> feeling great in the sincere pursuit to further the habit of “being happy and harmless”.

Feeling being ‘Vineeto’ used to call it the best game in town.

Cheers Vineeto

February 12 2025

ADAM: I would definitely like to eliminate anxiety out of my life. It is so central to the experience of being human and central to my day to day. The mind automatically focuses on “problems” and “worries”. It really puts a damper on living.

I think the way I will do it is by training my mind to enjoy this moment over focusing on worry or training myself to feel good. Anxiety is such a pain in the ass. The are matter of fact solutions to most problems in my life. Sometimes, these problems (or situations) takes months to resolve and that is something I need to be ok with. Also, are they even problem? Or are they just they way things unfold, not happening instantaneously but months in development?

VINEETO: Hi Adam,

Perhaps the reason why you haven’t been successful to “eliminate anxiety” so far is because you blame “the mind” and attempt this “by training my mind”.

However, you cannot train “the mind” because it is your feelings which are responsible for feeling anxious. To understand your habitual pattern and stop feeding it, you need to grasp that ‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feeling are ‘me’ – ‘your’ feelings are not something out there removed from ‘you’ that can be pushed into a different position like chess figures, nor is “your mind”.

Here Richard, or rather his co-respondent explains this in detail –

RESPONDENT: ... incidentally, Richard, how can they be ‘an hereditary occurrence’ and be of my choosing at the same time?

RICHARD: You do comprehend that you are your feelings/ your feelings are you (‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feelings are ‘me’) do you not? Viz.:

• [Respondent]: ‘It has taken me a hell of a long time to understand the difference between *having* feelings and *being* those feelings. Because I have not clearly understood this, I’ve never quite got the hang of paying attention to feelings without praise or blame, and without notions of innocence and culpability, right and wrong, etc getting in the way.

This makes things very interesting. The moment I regard my ‘self’ as ‘having’ a feeling, I’m split down the middle and there’s a secondary reaction on the part of the social identity (an urge to “do something” about the feeling, which in turn evokes more feelings, and so on). Conversely, if I recognise that I *am* the feeling, it most often dissolves into thin air – and usually pretty quickly too.

This is great. It’s especially helpful with regard to anger and frustration which have been two of my biggest hurdles to date. Previously, when I caught myself being angry, annoyed or frustrated, identifying and paying attention to this feeling would NOT cause it to disappear. On the contrary, the feeling and the awareness of myself as ‘having’ it would sometimes become like a microphone and amplifier locked into a screaming feedback loop.

I’m really pleased that this is no longer happening. It seems almost too easy’. [emphasis in original]. (Thursday 28/10/2004 6:55 PM AEST).

And again there is a reference to how ‘almost too easy’ actualism is. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 60g, 30 October 2005a).

ADAM: I really do want to put a focus on getting rid of anxiety in my life. It is redundant and painful. Life is better without fear. I think focusing on feeling good when I feel worry as well as removing worry type thoughts is a good start. Things are ok and that is a weird way of getting used to because “I” am so used to obsessing over worries and desires. One has to get used to not worrying and feel ok being ok in this moment.

VINEETO: You say “‘I’ am so used to obsessing over worries and desires” – so there you have one thing to pay attention to – the habit of worrying itself. Whenever you notice that habitual worrying is sole reason of feeling anxious, you can decline right away and get back to feeling good. When you find there is more than a habit why you worry – some desired result not likely to happen, for instance – you get back to feeling good and then contemplate if the desired result is worth the worry, if the worry would make it more likely to happen, and if it is worth spoiling your day.

As you rightly say “one has to get used to not worrying and feel ok being ok in this moment” – it’s a good realization but you have to actualize this understanding and address each worrying moment one at a time, until the habit is replaced by appreciating of being alive, and of course with enjoying each moment of being alive (not just being ok).

Cheers Vineeto