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Vineeto’s Correspondence on the Actual Freedom List Correspondent No 47
VINEETO: Hi, Thank you for your letter. Do I have permission to answer it on the Actual Freedom Mailing list as others may also be interested in our conversation about actual freedom? To subscribe to the mailing list you click here: http://www.topica.com/lists/actualfreedom/read (closed as of 7.9.2006) RESPONDENT: Yes Vineeto, I already joined. It will be interesting to go public ... although I am somewhat shy. Thanks for replying so quick. VINEETO: Welcome to the Actual Freedom mailing list. I appreciate your courage to ‘go public’. Despite the relative anonymity of the internet, the conversations here on this list are about a matter that can be very personal – the human condition. RESPONDENT: I came across the ‘AF’ website almost 3 days ago and have not yet been able to stop thinking about what I’ve read so far ... including your writings which I very much like and plan to share with my girlfriend tomorrow. VINEETO: In the early actualism days I gave Peter’s Journal to a friend of mine. He read it and commented to me, ‘it is a good book, I will give it to my girlfriend, she can learn a lot from your writing.’ I chuckled to myself as he had missed the point of the book entirely. According to his worldview the woman had to change in order to fix the relationship, just as in many women’s worldview it is the men who are solely responsible for all the wrongs in their relationships. However, if you have understood and taken on board the fact that you are the only person you can change – and need to change – in order to be happy and harmless, then the burning intent to live with another person in peace and harmony will provide the fuel for your own explorations. For me, living in peace and harmony with a man had been a life-long dream and when I learnt about a practical method to reach that goal I jumped in boots and all. As I began to practice actualism, I gradually and irrevocably became a traitor to the women’s camp. By progressively examining and investigating my gender conditioning I left both the ‘female’ and ‘male’ world behind and I entered the world of common sense, pragmatic down-to-earth thought and sincere investigation of all my beliefs and feelings. By not being on the male or female side, I was able to meet the actual human being I had chosen to live with for the first time in my life. RESPONDENT: I am still foolishly young, 20 years old, but I’ve dedicated some years of seriously studying Krishnamurti, and now it’s all over, only in a few days. Honestly, I do not know what to make out of ‘actualism’ yet; but I don’t see myself ever picking up Krishnamurti again … and I am grateful for that. VINEETO: It looks like you have already understood something essential about actualism – that it has nothing to do with Eastern religion, be it Krishnamurtiism or any other brand. In a nutshell, the vital difference between actualism and spiritualism is that in spiritualism one is busy feeling and imagining oneself to be free, whereas in actualism, utilizing a simple process of constant self-observation, one is actively eliminating whatever stands in the way of you becoming actually happy and harmless in the world-as-it-is and with people-as-they-are. RESPONDENT: If I may ask you a question, pertaining to diet; is not an actualist supposed to be harmless, but eating meat won’t he still be participating in harmfulness? I say this because of my background, particularly with animals ... for example, I know of a parrot which expresses pain linguistically; and I’ve always been fond of ‘Leonardo DaVinci’ and ‘Socrates’ who both were, to my knowledge, vegetarians. VINEETO: When I watch the various reports, travel logs and news clippings on television, I am always surprised how most human beings care much more about animals than they care about their fellow human beings. An enormous amount of money is spent studying and protecting an ever increasing number of so-called endangered species of animals in all parts of the world whereas in other parts of the world human beings don’t have enough to eat to survive the next week. I have been a vegetarian for half of my life for spiritual reasons – I believed that eating meat would pollute my soul with the karma of ‘innocent’ animals. In hindsight, I regard this belief as providing an easy pretext to feel harmless by sparing animals while ignoring the difficult task of tackling the malice I was feeling, and the harm I was doing, towards my fellow human beings. My choosing to take the moral high ground of being a vegetarian did not make me harmless at all – I was still quarrelling in my relationships, I was at times mean and competitive, arrogant and spiteful, aggressive and argumentative. I enjoyed nasty gossip, I took advantage of others for my own gain, I enjoyed power over others, I was raged by jealousy – in short, like everyone else, I nourished malice in my bosom. As for choosing what to eat – when you look at life on this planet, every living thing is feeding on other living things, be it bacteria, fungi, plants, insects, birds, reptiles or mammals. The very basis of the sustenance of life on this planet is that life feeds life – it is the way it is and there is nothing anyone can do about it. What I can do as a human being, however, is address myself to the task of being actually harmless towards my fellow human beings – not molluscs, fish, chickens, cows, pigs, kangaroos … or fungi and plant life for that matter. If you are interested, here are RESPONDENT: Sorry, I know feelings are involved here, but you know I can’t help it. This is the one question I had to ask. VINEETO: When one begins to investigate the human condition, there are always feelings involved. Feelings are the very glue that keep beliefs, morals, ethics and principles in place. Feelings are the very reason that people don’t dare to question, let alone dare to abandon, their cherished beliefs and opinions. After a lifetime of believing I finally had to admit that my beliefs, spiritual and otherwise, did not work, believing what others told me did not result in the life I was looking for. So I set out to question and examine all my beliefs and replace them with verifiable facts and sensible action. Facts and sensibility speak for themselves; they don’t need feelings to prop them up. So don’t hesitate to ask questions where ‘feelings are involved’ because that’s the best way to investigate feelings. RESPONDENT: Thank you for your time Vineeto. You have a friend in Mexico, P.S If you ever need translations in Spanish, I’d be glad to help. VINEETO: It’s a pleasure to talk to you and thank you for your kind translation offer. For now the Actual Freedom Trust has no plan to translate any of the writings and correspondence into any other language.
VINEETO: You recently wrote a letter titled – RESPONDENT: They should teach this stuff in school. VINEETO: I like it that you appreciate what is on offer on the actual freedom website. I do, however, think that it takes at least several generations for enough people to value the common sense and significance of actual freedom to consider offering it as a voluntary part of a school or university curriculum. It’s worth considering that it is now some 150 years since Charles Darwin made public the first scientific evidence that life on this planet evolved as a result of an always on-going, utterly magical, completely natural process – and not as a result of some imaginary supra-natural Energy, Divine Intelligence, Spirit, Creator, Mother or Father. One would have thought that the recent discovery of the genetic coding that underpins the life-creating and life-sustaining process would have finally put paid to any notions of supra-natural energies, forces, spirits, or Gods and yet these fairy-tales continue to beguile and bewitch a hapless Humanity. Such is the stranglehold that religious beliefs have over the human mind. No 21 recently reported from his own experience that he had to abandon his spiritual beliefs in order to
understand what actualism is all about The other aspect worth noting is that actualism is neither a philosophy nor a belief-system – it is an active process, initiated by making an irrevocable decision to devote one’s life to the thrilling and fascinating business of becoming free of the Human Condition. Despite the obvious down-to-earth nature of actualism, those philosophers who remain stuck in their heads and those spiritualist who remain stuck in their hearts will no doubt clip-on actualism to their beliefs and their vocabulary, rather than rise to the challenge that is most immediate and pressing – actualizing peace, here on earth, in this lifetime, as this flesh and blood body. * RESPONDENT: If I may ask you a question, pertaining to diet; is not an actualist supposed to be harmless, but eating meat won’t he still be participating in harmfulness? I say this because of my background, particularly with animals ... for example, I know of a parrot which expresses pain linguistically; and I’ve always been fond of ‘Leonardo DaVinci’ and ‘Socrates’ who both were, to my knowledge, vegetarians. VINEETO: As for choosing what to eat – when you look at life on this planet, every living thing is feeding on other living things, be it bacteria, fungi, plants, insects, birds, reptiles or mammals. The very basis of the sustenance of life on this planet is that life feeds life – it is the way it is and there is nothing anyone can do about it. What I can do as a human being, however, is address myself to the task of being actually harmless towards my fellow human beings – not molluscs, fish, chickens, cows, pigs, kangaroos … or fungi and plant life for that matter. If you are interested, here are RESPONDENT: I very much appreciate your response and have taken my time to write back, there is just so much to read! I want to avoid repeating questions already answered like the last one I asked which had already been replied to by Richard on the links you provided. I am devouring as much as I can of the AF website and when everything’s been gone over then I will read Richard’s Journal. VINEETO: You are welcome to write of your understanding or ask further questions as much as you like. I know from my own process of actualism that talking to Peter and writing about my discoveries aided my understanding immensely. A good conversation can kick-start the brain into thinking and inquiring. I find I need to be much more clear and precise about what I understand if I want to convey my understanding to someone else. RESPONDENT: So far I have found Richard to be non-contradictory, sincere, open, considerate and hilarious … and I’m trying really hard to find something against him. VINEETO: And I would encourage you to continue to carefully scrutinize all that is on offer here
because this is the only way you can establish a Unlike the spiritual path, which is undertaken with both eyes closed and one’s head in the clouds, the path to actual freedom is undertaken with both eyes open and one’s feet firmly on the ground. RESPONDENT: Today I finished reading the whole of Richard’s correspondence with No 12 and it cracks me up how No 12 gets all confused and tangled up in his own words. Although I did identify with No 12 in relation to his famous ‘points of view’, for example, what you said about vegetarianism and animals at first upset me, but it was ‘me’ that was reacting to what I thought was incorrect, which was my point of view in conflict with the one I regarded as your own … no wonder this ‘me’ thing is so dangerous. And it is true that my vegetarianism is a belief, a belief I am still not very eager to rub out yet; but in contrast to abruptly spitting out soup straight onto my girl friend’s face upon finding out it had pieces of chicken in it, she was/is testing me, I could now calmly walk over to the sink and ask myself before I spit it out what exactly tastes wrong, the chicken or the belief? It wasn’t the chicken. VINEETO: Before I respond, I would just like to explain something about the archives of this mailing list and the correspondence on other mailing lists that are published on the Actual Freedom Trust website. The correspondence is usually posted anonymously in order to protect the identity of the correspondents – human beings being somewhat protective of their identities. The only exceptions are people who either agreed, or particularly requested, to be mentioned by name. The Actual Freedom mailing list was established as an uncensored forum in order that people can openly talk about and discuss the issues raised on the website. While first name terms are used in the exchanges, and people often talk about their particular issues – what is being discussed is the human condition of malice and sorrow, something which is common to all human beings. As such, the very idea of this forum is to focus on one’s own objections to being happy and harmless rather than single out the objections of others. As for your investigation into ‘what exactly tastes wrong, the chicken or the belief’ – When you apply the method of actualism and inquire into the exact nature of why you are angry, grumpy, fearful or sad, then you will soon find out that it is never other people, evil things or adverse events that prevent you from being happy and harmless. You will find that it is always your own beliefs, points of view, opinions and principles together with their underlying emotions and instinctual passions that prevent you from being happy and harmless. At first a particular belief you are looking at might seem too precious to abandon. However, if you continue to actively question what you have been taught to be true and right, you soon will come to experience the relief, freedom and sensual delight that is to be had once these adopted beliefs are investigated and up-rooted, one by one. RESPONDENT: On a completely different note, have you ever been to Townsville, Australia? I am just about to begin college and decided months ago, by what I have read, that Australia was the best place for my chosen career, Marine Science. I am open to all suggestions. VINEETO: No, Sydney is the only other place I have visited in Australia apart from the town I am currently living in. I arrived here eight years ago, in search of a place to settle down after having travelled most of my life in search for the perfect spiritual belief. If others on the list don’t have some information for you, you could do a search on the net with Google or any other of the search engines. The only thing I can say is that Australia certainly has a lot of coast, given that it is surrounded by ocean on all sides, which is always useful when you are a Marine Scientist.
RESPONDENT: Thought I’d let you know how I was doing and see if you have any suggestions for what I am currently going through. The good news is ‘I’ isn’t doing so well, the consequences of pursuing actual freedom are now evident to me. I am finally past the doubting stage and commencing a new one of total exploration, although not without its side effects, and now find myself to be in a very curious position. VINEETO: That you are ‘finally past the doubting stage and commencing a new one of total exploration’ is good news indeed. Although the stage of establishing a prima facie case is essential, to then hang around doubting is of no benefit at all. Once I understood clearly that ‘I’ have to leave the stage in order for actual peace to become apparent, I set out to discover, explore and examine ‘me’ in order to take my ‘self’ apart and become as happy and harmless as humanly possible. RESPONDENT: I have experienced many mini-PCEs and very slightly a PCE … VINEETO: Given that a PCE is the lodestone for an actualist by which to determine the difference between the actual world and the normal experience of ‘self’, I found it essential to be particularly careful not to blur the distinction between feeling excellent or feeling exceptionally happy and having a ‘self’-less experience. In a PCE a new magic dimension opens that was hidden by the presence of ‘me’ and the actual world is experienced in its brilliance and wonder. In distinction, when I am simply feeling excellent or feeling exceptionally happy, I can detect upon close attention either a grey or rosy veil that lies between ‘me’ and the crisp radiance and sparkle of the actual world. Only a ‘self’-less PCE is the genuine article, and it is so outstanding, so perfect, so obviously
the way I want to live for the rest of my life. A while ago we had some discussions on this list about differentiating one’s experiences. You can
find them in the library under RESPONDENT: … but what I continually have, everyday, is a funny sensation throughout my head which varies in intensity, is not painful and sometimes even feels good. What I find a little awkward is that my right eye twitches every time it happens and in certain situations can be a bit uncomfortable, for example (I just began University), a teacher last week was explaining something about chemistry to me when suddenly I noticed she was taking a peculiar interest in my right eye, only afterwards did I realize I had just twitched my way through her entire explanation; also, when I am as happy and harmless as I can possibly be, in other words feeling ‘great’, I have no trouble following the class and even catch on to things quicker than most; however, there were two situations this week when strong emotions rushed through me and I literally disconnected from everything the class was doing, all my attention was drawn towards what I was (emotionally) feeling and I can hardly recall what the lesson was about. Guess sometimes I’ll just have to study overtime eh? Wish you well, VINEETO: Yes, I remember quite a few odd physical sensations when I started to rock my world and began to question my dearly held beliefs. Often, when I paid attention and examined the reason for these oddities, I found hidden emotions, fears and anxieties lying underneath, and becoming aware of bodily sensation was sometimes the first tangible sign of a feeling. Then the next step was to plainly experience the hidden emotions behind my odd sensations in order to find out what belief or value was causing me to feel this way. It takes a bit of courage and persistence, but after a while I discovered the part of my identity that needed to be abandoned in order to be happy and harmless again. If you are interested you can have a look at
And it’s an intriguing adventure to become aware of one’s feelings as they arise and examine them one by one. It seems quite daunting at first – given that actualism is brand-new territory – but if you do it for a while you will notice that the results are quite remarkable and that your interactions with people will indeed become increasingly harmless.
RESPONDENT: I have experienced many mini-PCEs and very slightly a PCE … VINEETO: Given that a PCE is the lodestone for an actualist by which to determine the difference between the actual world and the normal experience of ‘self’, I found it essential to be particularly careful not to blur the distinction between feeling excellent or feeling exceptionally happy and having a ‘self’-less experience. In a PCE a new magic dimension opens that was hidden by the presence of ‘me’ and the actual world is experienced in its brilliance and wonder. In distinction, when I am simply feeling excellent or feeling exceptionally happy, I can detect upon close attention either a grey or rosy veil that lies between ‘me’ and the crisp radiance and sparkle of the actual world. Only a ‘self’-less PCE is the genuine article, and it is so outstanding, so perfect, so obviously
the way I want to live for the rest of my life. A while ago we had some discussions on this list about differentiating one’s experiences. You can
find them in the library under RESPONDENT: Thank you for clearing up the confusion I had about PCEs and feeling excellent; there definitely was a ‘Self’ in the experiences I went through, but they were sooo good ... now I am having trouble trying to experience it again. VINEETO: There are plenty of
… and another from his correspondence –
Personally, what eventuated my first major pure consciousness experience was that I wanted to know, without any smidgen of a doubt, the difference between belief and actuality. I wanted to know by experience that which exists outside of my own head and heart, or other people’s heads and hearts, that which actually exists as opposed to that which is merely a man-made or woman-made belief, feeling, opinion, theory or concept. This single-pointed passion for what I then called ‘discovering the truth’ caused the veil of my beliefs to rip and lead me to discover the actual world – unspoiled by human-made feelings or beliefs, devoid of malice and sorrow, pure, benign, blithe and ever-now. RESPONDENT: There is something else I would like to ask, when Richard says,
couldn’t he do this with you and Peter, when anyone one of you is experiencing a PCE? Or maybe you and Peter also when and if you have a PCE at the same time? Actual Freedom and PCEs are the same in quality, aren’t they? The only difference is one is permanent and the other temporary, would this be right? VINEETO: A PCE is significantly different from an actual freedom from the human condition because a PCE can only ever be a temporary experience whereas an actual freedom is permanently ongoing and irreversible. I have many times experienced the actual world in a pure consciousness experience but once the ‘self’ returns as the PCE fades away, the purity and benignity of the actual world also fades and becomes but a memory. A PCE is something special for me because I know it can disappear any moment – it is only a holiday from ‘self’. Whereas Richard, being permanently devoid of the burden of being a ‘self’, is this infinite and perfect physical universe experiencing itself as a sensate, reflective human being. For a more detailed description of life in actual freedom you can browse through
RESPONDENT: I haven’t written in a while, since I moved back to Mexico, but I haven’t missed a post from anyone. The latest ones have made me chuckle quite a lot… and I know my girlfriend will be pleased to see that No 23 is posting again, as she always gets a kick out of his writings (I myself admit they can be funny at times), but all in all things haven’t changed much regarding the objections people make to becoming happy and harmless. VINEETO: Yes, I am wondering when someone will come up with an objection to becoming happy and harmless that hasn’t already been heard or responded to many times over. Maybe a contest for a brand new objection would do the trick? RESPONDENT: As to any further breakthroughs in Actualism from my part, well, I am presently helping people to learn English, in classes of 8 to 37 students, something ‘I’ could and would have never done before. There is quite a big difference if you contrast what I just wrote with:
I found out that when my ego started to wilt away so did my pride/humility; and thus my fear of being humiliated in public is now virtually gone. That is what I meant some time ago when I claimed to have been subject to what No 54 called ‘Actualist Calenture’ … I inadvertently took up actualism as another shield to protect ‘me’ (the lonely identity) against ‘them’ (everyone/thing but me). Oh what a fool I have been! Silly me… VINEETO: I enjoyed your post on ‘Actualist Calenture’ When I think back I also realize how fearful I had been before I began to practice actualism – a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was not harmless in my relating to other people, which inevitably increased my fear that they would hurt me in some way. When I realized that there was no point in waiting for everyone else to become harmless I began to become astutely aware of how often I had wished to hurt others, be it by words, gestures, or actions. And the outcome of being unremittingly aware of my own antagonism is that I now can be considerate of others while not being fearful of what I imagine people think and feel about me. RESPONDENT: I do have some questions regarding my current activities. I know you once worked two years with drug addicts and saw that you couldn’t help them. Would you go back to working with them now – if you had the chance? VINEETO: When I left social work because I realized that had nothing to offer, I went to the East and immersed myself in spiritual therapy groups in order to find some answers. I then worked for about three years as a helper and administrator with group leaders and came to observe that therapists didn’t have an answer to their own problems in life, let alone for others. As an instance, the person who lead the most popular relationship groups had more trouble with his personal relationships than most other people I knew. I also learnt a lot about power, reverence, subserviency and dependency, both front stage and back stage, as it operates in the therapist-client business. When I came across actualism, this was invaluable experience as it made immediate sense that anybody who wants to change themselves can only do so out of their own intent, by themselves and for themselves. Only when I change myself out of my own intent can I be autonomous. RESPONDENT: I ask this because I am teaching people who are bordering on poverty and some basically see life as something terrible, even the young ones, and this fuels their malice and so consequently there are victims … well you know how it goes. VINEETO: You put your finger on the nub of the issue. The strange thing is that most people who have enough money to live comfortably also ‘see life as something terrible’. The feeling of resentment as in ‘I didn’t ask to be born’ and ‘I don’t want to be here’ is something that is common to the human condition – whatever class, race or nation people are coming from and whatever age-group they are in. The persistent stranglehold that religious and spiritual pursuits and teachings have over humankind – all of which are predicated on the promise of some kind of an afterlife – is potent evidence of the basic resentment that human beings feel at having to be here. RESPONDENT: All this is really helping me to understand the human condition, and wanting to be completely free from it, but I see no solution I can offer to ameliorate their present condition … one thing I have noticed though is that they are taken aback at my refusal to get angry and blame them when they become mischievous. RESPONDENT: They don’t yet know what to make of me ... but I do wish I could teach them something more than just English. VINEETO: Yes, I can understand your wish very well. When I meet clients for bookkeeping I sometimes drop a few sentences of common sense into the conversation when they tell me about the big and little problems of their lives, but irregardless of whether they agree with the common sense or not, there is little sign of them wanting to actually change to ameliorate their situation. You are already offering them the best there is – an ongoing genuine demonstration that one can be happy and harmless in the world-as-it-is with people-as-they-are and live in peace and harmony with one’s fellow human beings. RESPONDENT: Well that’s it for now. Feeling happy and harmless, VINEETO: It is a pleasure to hear from you. I thoroughly enjoy your posts and your humour, namely when you said – ‘Ha! Try bonding with an Actualist.’ Isn’t it so much more gratifying to stand on one’s own two feet?
VINEETO: It looks like you are having fun. * VINEETO: Yes, I am wondering when someone will come up with an objection to becoming happy and harmless that hasn’t already been heard or responded to many times over. Maybe a contest for a brand new objection would do the trick? RESPONDENT: Haha… good idea, but then again, how would you ever convince an objector that his objections aren’t new to begin with? You forget Vineeto that most would immediately object to that too! So I guess we can single out those who are willing to acknowledge that their objections may or may not be original, this would be the prerequisite, and then allow them to choose which category they would be objecting too … for example:
VINEETO: Yes, I think you captured the categories really well. I’ve been contemplating * VINEETO: I enjoyed your post on ‘Actualist Calenture’ RESPONDENT: Yes, I didn’t realize how cunning I was until I realized how naïve I wasn’t. I have been having so much fun lately that feelings of ‘me’ not deserving this kind of playfulness are emerging quite often. VINEETO: Oh yes, I remember such feelings very well – ‘don’t have too much fun because sooner rather than later you will fall flat on your face, ‘others will be jealous and pull you down’, ‘it is wrong to be happy when everyone else is unhappy’, and the religious ‘God will punish you if you are too happy because earthly life is for suffering and only heaven is for fun’. As soon as you move away from the common milieu of misery and malice, well-meaning or ill-meaning efforts are often made to re-integrate you back into the fold. This is when the sincere actualist has the opportunity to test their mettle. * VINEETO: When I think back I also realize how fearful I had been before I began to practice actualism – a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was not harmless in my relating to other people, which inevitably increased my fear that they would hurt me in some way. When I realized that there was no point in waiting for everyone else to become harmless I began to become astutely aware of how often I had wished to hurt others, be it by words, gestures, or actions. And the outcome of being unremittingly aware of my own antagonism is that I now can be considerate of others while not being fearful of what I imagine people think and feel about me. RESPONDENT: Vineeto, here in Mexico people are #1 at seeing words as having double meaning … this is mainly how humour is expressed here, it is even seen as a desirable quality, and there are contests where people try to convey the best hidden meaning in words which imply something else. I have seen that taking words at face value gives others the impression of me being innocent but in an ignorant way … and thus they sometimes try to take advantage of me; however, at the same time, most feel they can trust me. The thing is, I have seen how Actualists always take words for exactly what they mean, should I continue strictly attending to the words of others without ‘imagining’ or trying to find out what the hidden double meaning is? What others are really thinking? I am still distrustful of the words of some but because of several past and present experiences. VINEETO: I remember that in the early years of writing about actualism I tried to figure out ‘the hidden double meaning’, the emotional agenda, the context of feelings and beliefs in which the post was written and I got hopelessly entangled in the psychic web of other people’s malice and sorrow and was consequently unable to give a clear response. I found I first had to untangle myself from the emotional web in order to be able to think straight and write clearly about my experience of freeing myself from my spiritual beliefs and emotional burdens. Taking people’s word’s at face value has nothing to do with trust or mistrust, but is a matter of a simple and straight-forward way to communicate. A ‘hidden double meaning’ is almost always an emotionally charged meaning and trying to second-guess what this is in any situation does nothing to enhance sensible communication. Nowadays I always assume that if people find it important that I take notice of any ‘hidden’ meaning then they will tell me – it is not my responsibility to discern what another is trying to convey through unmentioned hints and allusions. As for being ‘distrustful of the words of some’ – the good news for me was that by examining and understanding my own social and instinctual identity I had less and less reason to fear that people would emotionally hurt me with insinuations or outright sarcasm – identity-slashing intimations from others now rarely reach a target. * VINEETO: When I left social work because I realized that had nothing to offer, I went to the East and immersed myself in spiritual therapy groups in order to find some answers. I then worked for about three years as a helper and administrator with group leaders and came to observe that therapists didn’t have an answer to their own problems in life, let alone for others. As an instance, the person who lead the most popular relationship groups had more trouble with his personal relationships than most other people I knew. I also learnt a lot about power, reverence, subserviency and dependency, both front stage and back stage, as it operates in the therapist-client business. When I came across actualism, this was invaluable experience as it made immediate sense that anybody who wants to change themselves can only do so out of their own intent, by themselves and for themselves. Only when I change myself out of my own intent can I be autonomous. RESPONDENT: This was very helpful … a well articulated report, which in some ways mirrors my own, so I can easily understand it. VINEETO: You are very welcome. * VINEETO: And who knows, your ‘refusal to get angry and blame them’ might one day inspire someone to consider the possibility to be more happy by being less angry. RESPONDENT: Yes, I can indeed confirm that people see me as having an unusually positive attitude … similar to how I use to be before the depression hit me. I never sincerely thought I would regain my naiveté. VINEETO: To balance what I said in my last post a warning may be appropriate at this point. Some people might see ‘an unusually positive attitude’ as an invitation for their pranks, frustration and aggression – so it is useful to keep your wits about you. Actualism is not to be confused with pacifism otherwise the bullyboys and bully girls would get to rule the roost. And, as you may have discovered, naiveté has nothing to do with either gullibility or trust – only when you take both the rose coloured glasses and the grey coloured glasses off can you begin to facilitate the felicitous/ innocuous feelings necessary to get to the stage of being virtually free of malice and sorrow. * VINEETO: You are already offering them the best there is – an ongoing genuine demonstration that one can be happy and harmless in the world-as-it-is with people-as-they-are and live in peace and harmony with one’s fellow human beings. It is a pleasure to hear from you. I thoroughly enjoy your posts and your humour, namely when you said – ‘Ha! Try bonding with an Actualist.’ Isn’t it so much more gratifying to stand on one’s own two feet? RESPONDENT: I feel as if I were just learning to walk again. VINEETO: Yes, but in a totally different way. The naiveté of childhood that prompts pure consciousness experiences is based on a sheltered ignorance, whereas the naiveté required to be an actualist is rekindled by choosing to deliberately shedding any cynicism accrued from materialist doctrines and spiritual beliefs and by beginning to be fascinated with the business of being alive in the world-as-it-is, with people as-they-are – in other words, a naiveté not based on childhood ignorance and gullibility but a naiveté based on adult sensibility and sensitivity. And this is a great enterprise and utterly new to human history.
VINEETO: It looks like you are having fun. RESPONDENT: But of course, and in the midst of what is supposed to be the most stressful time of my life! What is happening to me is definitely too good to be ‘true’, although it fits just perfect as a fact, and I don’t even consider myself to be in Virtual Freedom yet. VINEETO: The effect of practicing actualism is certainly ‘too good’ to believe, it has to be experienced as a fact. As for being in Virtual Freedom, this is something that everyone assesses for himself or herself and it is always possible to raise the bar – until ‘the fat lady sings’. * VINEETO: Taking people’s word’s at face value has nothing to do with trust or mistrust, but is a matter of a simple and straight-forward way to communicate. A ‘hidden double meaning’ is almost always an emotionally charged meaning and trying to second-guess what this is in any situation does nothing to enhance sensible communication. Nowadays I always assume that if people find it important that I take notice of any ‘hidden’ meaning then they will tell me – it is not my responsibility to discern what another is trying to convey through unmentioned hints and allusions. As for being ‘distrustful of the words of some’ – the good news for me was that by examining and understanding my own social and instinctual identity I had less and less reason to fear that people would emotionally hurt me with insinuations or outright sarcasm – identity-slashing intimations from others now rarely reach a target. RESPONDENT: Understood. My problem is that I sometimes forget to focus on the content because of distractions of how it is conveyed. VINEETO: Of course, that is the very purpose of people conveying a message in an emotional way. Those ‘distractions’ are the very stuff to explore in order to determine how you are in relation to other people. Other than the words themselves there is usually a whole layer of invisible and inaudible interaction happening and this is how Richard explained it –
RESPONDENT: I am still a very emotional being, maybe even more so now, as I feel everything with much more intensity then I used to…yet I don’t give it credence most of the time, but even if I inadvertently do, then I have an excellent fall back cushion. And this has made all the difference. VINEETO: When I disentangled myself from the spiritual practice of dissociation I began to allow myself once again to become sensitive to my own undesired feelings as well as to the perversities and horrors of the human condition. In short I allowed myself to feel the full range of my emotions in order to examine them and trace them back to ‘me’, the affective identity inside this flesh-and-blood body. When a reaction to a certain situation kept creeping up again and again, avoiding giving it ‘credence’ was not enough. I had to feel the feeling, label it, sort it out, understand it in the context of my social identity and figure out which part of ‘me’ was responsible for my emotional reaction in order to become free from it. Then I could go back to feeling excellent again and, as a result of this rooting around, was less prone to be disturbed by a similar situation. RESPONDENT: I also bumped into some of your older writings recently
which really helped, VINEETO: It was more meant as a joke at the time and the joke is on me, because I was exactly such a hypocritical goodie-two-shoes as displayed in the example. When I had an image to defend, a soul to nourish or a belief to maintain, there was not much room to be honest with myself, let alone laugh at myself. But once I began to question my loyalty to the guru, the teachings and the group of disciples, I could be much more straight with myself. * VINEETO: To balance what I said in my last post a warning may be appropriate at this point. Some people might see ‘an unusually positive attitude’ as an invitation for their pranks, frustration and aggression – so it is useful to keep your wits about you. Actualism is not to be confused with pacifism otherwise the bullyboys and bully girls would get to rule the roost. And, as you may have discovered, naiveté has nothing to do with either gullibility or trust – only when you take both the rose coloured glasses and the grey coloured glasses off can you begin to facilitate the felicitous/ innocuous feelings necessary to get to the stage of being virtually free of malice and sorrow. RESPONDENT: I have already had a few experiences with this Vineeto, especially in the classroom, but your advice still comes at a fitting moment. Although something curious I have found out about these ‘bully boys and bully girls’ is that when confronted alone they are but frightened souls – the instinct of fear – that discovered a way to turn their fright chemicals into fighting ones. When they have fun they don’t usually feel the need to defend/ attack, but for the most part they have fun attacking, and here is where my non-aggressive –or partly non-aggressive – actions take place against them. So out of some kind of threat, out of fear, is the only way to keep them from causing harm to others… hence the need for authority and respect, which I care not but for practical matters. Another practical factor of what I have applied with bullies is that they notice a lack of resentment from my part after whatever happens; and so they lack the need to continuously shield themselves from me. VINEETO: Fear and aggression as well as nurture and desire are part and parcel of the same survival package and aggression is not only a reaction to fear but is a powerful drive in itself. I have come to both experience this in myself and observe it in others once I removed my rose-coloured glasses of pacifism and other ‘evil is but tortured good’ spiritual beliefs. I was horrified when I experienced in me the thrill of wanting to hurt others solely in order to feel the power over others and this experience spurred me on even more to do whatever is necessary to become completely free from my instinctual drives. An instinctually driven ‘being’ is not a nice person at all. As for the need to maintain discipline in the classroom, this is purely a practical matter – if a teacher fails to maintain discipline chaos results in exactly the same way as when the police fail to maintain law and order in a community, anarchy results. * VINEETO: The naiveté of childhood that prompts pure consciousness experiences is based on a sheltered ignorance, whereas the naiveté required to be an actualist is rekindled by choosing to deliberately shedding any cynicism accrued from materialist doctrines and spiritual beliefs and by beginning to be fascinated with the business of being alive in the world-as-it-is, with people as-they-are – in other words, a naiveté not based on childhood ignorance and gullibility but a naiveté based on adult sensibility and sensitivity. And this is a great enterprise and utterly new to human history. RESPONDENT: I appreciate very much the extension of my analogy ‘learning to walk again’. It could also be said, literally speaking, that I am learning as a flesh and blood body – how to live and – as an identity – how to die for the very first time. As always it has been a pleasure, VINEETO: To die as an identity, both ego and soul, is a once in a life-time event but I can say that many parts of my social identity have completely and irrevocably disappeared over the years of practicing actualism. And the less I am acting, thinking and feeling as a social identity, the more I am able to be here, sensately revelling in this moment of being alive. Good to talk to you.
VINEETO: How are you doing? RESPONDENT: To whoever can provide an answer, I can definitely locate an identity inside this flesh and blood body called [Respondent], but I do not actively/consciously identify with it. VINEETO: As you stated yourself below, you *are* the identity and therefore there is no need to identify with it and to deliberately not identifying with it only results in dis-identification and dissociation. Attentiveness simply allows you to become aware of ‘me’ the spoiler and all of ‘my’ mischief. RESPONDENT: I know that ‘affective felicity’ is the only type of ‘felicity’ ‘I’, the identity, can experience – ‘I’ being completely ‘affective’. However, as this is written, I am not currently experiencing a ‘PCE’ (a total absence of identity) yet do not experience this ‘felicity’ as ‘affective’ either. It is mostly caused by an awareness of the existence of actual time, this moment in time, and even though no real confidence in the ‘infinitude’ of the universe is experienced. Now, am I correct in saying that it is not ‘affective felicity’ which enables me to feel good at this moment, as opposed to the ‘affective felicity’ I used to utilize to feel good in my earlier years with actualism (it being the only type of ‘felicity’ I could then experience), but rather the diminishment of the identity which lets sensuousness – something totally unrelated to the ‘self’/’Self’ – operate gradually more and more? Or is it possible that the ‘affective’ part of this ‘felicity’ is so diminished as to not be experienced as such, which is nonetheless ‘affective’? VINEETO: I’d give you a ‘very likely’ on the last one as I can well relate to it myself. In my experience my happiness changed from a conditional happiness – happiness about certain meetings with people, certain fulfilled expectations, purchase of particular goods or achievement of particular goals – to a more and more unconditional happiness and delight of being alive which prevails when malice and sorrow are greatly diminished or completely absent. Although this happiness is affective because as a feeling being ‘I’ am always affective, my happiness nowadays is neither fickle nor contingent – it’s simply the naturally occurring feeling when ‘I’ don’t interfere. Presently we are occasionally visited by our neighbour’s two children, aged 2 and 5 and particularly with the younger one I can see this underlying felicity in operation, i.e. he is happy most of the time … unless something goes against his grain. As adults things very often go against our grain and in addition one invariably carries a host of hurts and grudges from the past and as such the underlying felicity and innate naiveté has far less chance of occurring. As intelligent adults we also have the advantage of being able to choose to use common sense and be attentive to the all feelings, beliefs and habits that interfere with happiness. RESPONDENT: Or could it be a bit of both? I decided to ask because I think I may have muddled a bit a ‘sensuous felicity’ and an ‘affective felicity’ in my recent correspondence with No 60 – and, as No. 66 would say, I just wanted clarity. VINEETO: Total un-affective felicity/ innocuity only happens in a PCE – and in an actual freedom of course. In the meantime my experience is that it is far better to feel felicitous/ innocuous than it is to feel malicious towards others or feel sorrowful about being here and it is far better to allow and enjoy a sensuous appreciation of the sensate delights of the physical world than to wallow in the murkiness of one’s own inner imaginary world. * VINEETO: You also asked in a previous letter – RESPONDENT: Maybe someone could answer the following: Is it that one is first ‘virtually free’ from the ‘human constitution’ (ego) followed by a ‘virtual freedom’ from the ‘human condition’ (soul)? VINEETO: I don’t use the term ‘human constitution’ nowadays – I have come to understand experientially that the human condition is basically an instinctual condition varied only by an overlaid social/cultural conditioning, as is each and every human psyche of course. I certainly had to first loosen the grip beliefs, morals and ethics had on me in order to even allow the deeper instinctual passions to come to the surface. In my experience, focussing too much on a ‘freedom from the ‘human constitution (ego)’’ would only bring me to the brink of, or let me fall into, an Altered State of Consciousness. Because of this I soon learnt to avoid the trap of Enlightenment by being attentive to both the seductive good and the repulsive bad passions that surfaced after I had loosened the restraints of the socially conditioned morals and ethics. For clarity’s sake I would say that being virtually free means being virtually free from malice and sorrow which is only possible when all of the instinctual passions are substantially diminished. RESPONDENT: Because I can still, if provoked sufficiently, act
incredibly silly… more passionately, instinctive-animal like, then emotionally superficial VINEETO: I can well relate to this as I remember my own my fear of being an outcast. When I decided to become free from malice and sorrow it naturally followed that I stopped supporting other’s malice or sorrow. In hindsight it is not at all surprising that ‘I’ react with feelings of alarm and worthlessness (to humanity) because I increasingly stop supporting ‘humanity’ at its very core. Here is what I wrote to Gary a few years ago on the topic –
And a year later I responded to another correspondent – Vineeto to No 38, 16.1.2002a Vineeto’s & Richard’s Text ©The Actual Freedom Trust: 1997-. All Rights Reserved.
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