On The Actual Freedom Mailing List
With Correspondent Alan
RICHARD: The stuff of this body is the very self-same stuff as the stuff of this infinite and eternal physical universe, in that I come out of the ground as a variety of carrots and lettuce and milk and cheese and whatever, combined with the air that I breath and the water that I drink and the sunlight that I absorb. As such there is no ‘isolation’ or ‘division’ whatsoever and as this flesh and blood body I am this very material universe experiencing its own infinitude as a sensate and reflective human. This very physical universe is also experiencing itself as cats and dogs and all other sentient beings.
ALAN: Of course it is! I had read the same, or similar, many times and had never quite ‘got it’. Suddenly, it ‘clicked’ – and, as I was about to start writing this mail, my wife asked me what I was doing, so I had the opportunity to really explore what it meant, by explaining it to her. And it is so obvious – as any fact is, of course. What a delight to be this material universe experiencing itself as a flesh and blood body, which can not only appreciate itself through the magnificent sense organs with which it is equipped, but to then be able to ponder and reflect upon its magnificence and convey it to another is quite something else!
RICHARD: Yes, although you may recall, upon reflection, that in a PCE one is the universe enjoying and appreciating itself as ‘the magnificent sense organs’ and not ‘through the magnificent sense organs’ ... and the difference in perception is startling in its intimacy, to say the least. This direct perception (the senses are the brain on stalks as it were) is known as apperception. I am this body; I am these sense organs: this seeing is me, this hearing is me, this tasting is me, this touching is me, this smelling is me, and this thinking is me. Whereas ‘I’, the psychological and/or psychic entity, am inside the body: looking out through ‘my’ eyes as if looking out through a window, listening through ‘my’ ears as if they were microphones, tasting through ‘my’ tongue, touching through ‘my’ skin, smelling through ‘my’ nose, and thinking through ‘my’ brain. Of course ‘I’ must feel isolated, alienated, alone and lonely, for ‘I’ am cut off from the immediacy of the actual world – the world as-it-is – and the propinquity of ‘my’ fellow human being – people as-they-are – by ‘my’ very presence.
I am this brain being aware of itself – consciousness being conscious of being consciousness – instead of ‘I’ being conscious of ‘me’ being consciousness.
ALAN: Along with the realisation that I am (almost) this universe experiencing itself – and only that – came a tinge of fear, with the knowing that when I am actually this universe experiencing itself, ‘I’ will no longer exist.
RICHARD: True ... the apprehension of the end of ‘being’ – which is all ‘I’ know and all ‘I’ have known and all ‘I’ can know – automatically produces fear. This is because ‘I’ am fear and fear is ‘me’ – the instinctual passions are ‘being’ itself – and fear is perhaps the most fundamental of all the instinctual passions. Fear rules the world (both the animal world and the human world) and as terror it stalks its prey maliciously ... only to convulse in upon itself in horror.
Interestingly enough, the Christians have transmogrified this psychic energy into being their devil (they say ‘The Devil’ rules the world) and some of these peoples, meeting me face-to-face, have convinced themselves that I am in league with their institutionalised phantasm.
ALAN: Am ‘I’ really willing to sacrifice ‘my’ self to allow this to happen?
RICHARD: The question that the ‘I’ that was inhabiting this body back in 1981 asked was: ‘what am I saving myself for’?
ALAN: And yet, ‘I’ know it is inevitable, if I am to fulfil my destiny.
RICHARD: Aye, to escape one’s fate and achieve one’s destiny is what one is alive for: being here – now – is the very reason one was born.
ALAN: As you said in one of your posts (approximately), it is an irresistible pull, a momentum and impetus which is not of ‘my’ doing.
RICHARD: Yes, once altruistically set in motion, a momentum happens of its own accord. One knows, from the perfection of freedom from the human condition as evidenced in the PCE, that it is possible to live the actuality that is already always here. What ‘I’ do is unreservedly allow ‘my’ eventual demise to occur ... pure intent, born out of the connection between one’s inherent naiveté and the perfection of the infinitude of this physical universe, will provide one with the necessary intestinal fortitude. And once embarked upon the wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom, you are not on your own: this perfection is with you all the way ... but if you waver, you are indeed doing it on your own. It is a matter of having the courage of your convictions and letting nothing stand in your way; determination and perseverance are the essential prerequisites to ensure success ... coupled with application and diligence. One finds one must – one needs must actually do it – for no one else will do it for you as no one else can do it for you. And although one may think and feel that it would be a lonely journey to take on one’s own it is not ... it is the most joyous escapade one can ever enter into.
It is the jaunt of a lifetime.
ALAN: It is like being on the outer edge of a massive whirlpool, being dragged closer and closer, and faster and faster, to the inevitable moment of entering the vortex – and ‘popping’ out the other side – I see I have not yet quite lost the imaginative faculty!
RICHARD: Yet this is so correct, for I am talking of nothing else but extirpation ... annihilation ... extinction ... the non-existence of any identity whatsoever. All of one’s precious ‘being’ will disappear ... not only the ego but the soul as well. ‘I’ and/or ‘me’ will cease to exist in any way, shape or form.
What you are calling ‘the vortex’ is blessed oblivion ... the same-same as physical death.
ALAN: So, as I sit here watching another sun rise, with the crescent moon and Venus still visible, and the clouds turning a delightful shade of pink, I glory in the opportunity of being able to be the universe experiencing itself. What a gas!
RICHARD: I am constantly amazed at the colour of this world ... and I am particularly struck by the sheer exuberance of it all. To put it in the lingo: this universe surely is flamboyant in its expressiveness!
It is impossible to take it seriously.
RICHARD: Now that ‘I’ know, via direct experience, that ‘I’ can never, ever become perfect or be perfection ... then the only thing ‘I’ can do – the only thing ‘I’ need to do – is to say !YES! so that the already always existing perfection can become apparent (‘I was taken away by the utter fullness of it!’). So when ‘I’ ask (as an open question) ‘what am I here for?’ ... the essential character of the perfection of the infinitude of this universe which born me, is living me and will die me in due course, is enabled by ‘my’ concurrence. ‘I’ give ‘myself’ permission to allow this moment to live me (rather than ‘me’ trying to live in the present) ... and let go the controls.
ALAN: Since finishing the post to Vineeto, earlier today, I have been reading your correspondence on mailing list B and got to the above. I have also been continuing with the seminal question burning away. ‘I’ have been puzzling and puzzling over ‘how can ‘I’ do it?’ And the answer lies in the above paragraph – ‘I’ got it! ‘I’ cannot ever, ever ‘do it’. That’s it – all ‘I’ can do is ‘give permission’, acquiesce, condone, surrender, concede and stop trying (oh so, so hard) to live the present.
RICHARD: Yes ... I would suggest examining what impulse the word ‘surrender’ refers to, though. Because ‘surrender’ means the giving up of oneself into the possession or power of another who has or asserts a claim to it; to yield on demand or compulsion to a person or a god ... as in submission to an enemy in resignation as a prisoner. It basically means to give in, to relinquish possession of, give up, deliver up, part with, let go of, yield, submit, capitulate, lay down one’s arms, throw in the towel, throw in the sponge, succumb ... and lose. It smacks of compliance, acquiescence, passivity, docility, meekness, sufferance ... a seeking of clemency.
You would become enlightened, in other words.
Whereas ‘sacrifice’ means to die as an altruistic offering, a philanthropic contribution, a generous gift, a charitable donation, a magnanimous present; to devote and give over one’s life as a humane gratuity, an open-handed endowment, a munificent bequest, a kind-hearted benefaction. A sacrifice is the relinquishment of something valued or desired, especially one’s life, for the sake of something regarded as more important or worthy.
What will remain is the flesh and blood body that you actually are.
ALAN: ‘I’ desperately want to be ‘here’ and the seeing that the only thing standing in the way of doing it is ‘me’ is astounding, to say the least. We have previously discussed ‘seeing’ (in the PCE) that ‘I’ am all that is standing in the way of the perfection being evident and I have said that perhaps then I have not had a PCE, if that is what a PCE involves. Well, in a way, that was correct. This is the first time that ‘I’ have experienced, as an actuality, the validity of the statement – and it’s a whammer! And, of course I can now see that I have had previous PCE’s – but perhaps they were all ‘tinged’ with an, however slight, affective element and I guess this one is too. Perhaps it is just a difference in degree or ‘my’ final (for now, anyway) acceptance that ‘I’ cannot do it.
RICHARD: A ‘difference in degree’ sounds like an apt description ... I cannot, of course, recall with 100% accuracy what happened twenty-odd years ago (plus there is too much other stuff that happened which blurs precise recall), so I would have to say there was an affective response which varied from experience to experience from virtually non-existent to full-blown grandiosity.
ALAN: Expanding a bit, on the previous statement, all previous PCE’s have been accompanied by a ‘feeling’ – shivers up the spine, tugging on the heartstrings or sensations in the pit of the stomach. The only ‘feeling’ sensation, now present, is at the base of the skull – not exactly a pain, more of a ‘tightness’ and not at all unpleasant. It is very, very silly (and hugely amusing) when one considers that ‘I’ am standing in the way of me.
RICHARD: I do remember thinking, from time-to-time, that there was some vast joke being played/I was playing on myself and life in general ... but the seven o’clock news will always disabuse one of that mystical notion.
ALAN: Your suggestion, over two years ago (and above), to ‘let go of the controls’ is perhaps, finally, being heeded!
RICHARD: My experience suggests that for assured success the dedicated pure intent, born of the PCE, is essential, vital.
ALAN: And it has taken two years (or 48!) to get back to here – what a hoot. No one is in control of the universe and ain’t it magnificent!
RICHARD: The implications and ramifications of an actual freedom are vast beyond belief ... hence the ‘shivers up the spine’, perchance. Misery and mayhem has ruled this planet for long enough.
No one is in control of the universe ... but fear rules the human world.
PS.: As I wrote in a previous post [to another] I have a back-log of E-Mails to respond to: my slowness in responding is not because what you write is unimportant and/or uninteresting – quite the contrary – but that I have inveigled myself into the position where I simply cannot respond, with the detailed quality that is essential, because the sheer quantity I have perhaps rashly invited. I am currently re-assessing my modus operandi, with the view to being more retiring in regards being stimulating (some would say provocative) on other Mailing Lists.
‘Tis silly to bite off more than I can chew ... after all I am retired and supposedly pottering around!
ALAN: Turning to the PCE, you wrote: [Vineeto]: ‘In the interest of having clear, definable terms, a pure consciousness experience is just that – an experience of pure consciousness, where the ‘self’ is temporarily absent, completely. This means that there is no affective experience in a PCE whatsoever, no ‘love, bliss, rapture’ or the imagination of being ‘the saviour of mankind’. Whenever there is any feeling or emotion experienced whatsoever, it is not a PCE. For most people, the experience may well start as a PCE, but invariably ‘I’ will step in and seize the experience as ‘mine’ and interpret and feel it to be a spiritual experience. One needs to understand and practice Actualism to be sufficiently aware of one’s beliefs, feelings and instinctual passions in order to avoid the trap of Enlightenment on the path to Actual Freedom’ [endquote]. This seems to contradict what Richard wrote to me: [Richard]: ‘A ‘difference in degree’ sounds like an apt description ... I cannot, of course, recall with 100% accuracy what happened twenty-odd years ago (plus there is too much other stuff that happened which blurs precise recall), so I would have to say there was an affective response which varied from experience to experience from virtually non-existent to full-blown grandiosity’ [endquote].
VINEETO: Yes, I think, Richard is in trouble here. Joking aside, I’m sure he’ll explain it to you.
RICHARD: Ha ... you sure know how to get me out of the innards of computers and back to writing, eh? However, it is this simple: back in 1981 I had umpteen number of peak experiences – sometimes two-three times a day varying from minutes to hours – and they were wild and woolly times. Somewhere along the line I had lost sight of the four hour pure consciousness experience that had triggered my whole incursion into becoming free of the human condition and there was certainly a ‘difference in degree’ of the affective element in each experience ... ranging from virtually non-existent to full-blown grandiosity for the ‘me’ that was inhabiting this body. The PCE stayed pristine in its own domain, however, and stood me in good stead some eleven years later ... as I have recorded in ‘A Brief Personal History’:
Alan, you and I have had discussions, over the past two years or so, regarding the PCE devolving into an ASC when ‘I’ and/or ‘me’ step in and possess the experience – the affective element in other words – and I would say that Vineeto has expressed it (above) and in other places such that I have little to add. I was, of course, responding to your observation: ‘I have said that perhaps then I have not had a PCE, if that is what a PCE involves. Well, in a way, that was correct. This is the first time that ‘I’ have experienced, as an actuality, the validity of the statement – and it’s a whammer! And, of course I can now see that I have had previous PCE’s – but perhaps they were all ‘tinged’ with an, however slight, affective element and I guess this one is too ... perhaps it is just a difference in degree’ . If the experience is ‘perhaps tinged’ with an affective element then it is not, or is no longer, a pure experience. Indisputably the PCE has no ‘I’ as ego and ‘me’ as soul – no affective element whatsoever – as a PCE is a pure consciousness experience.
In view of all that has been explored and written about, in the twenty-odd years since the ‘I’ that was inhabiting this body first had a PCE, nobody has to follow my experience and blunder along in the dark. It is pertinent to point out that I am putting the story together ‘after the event’, as it were, endeavouring to present as coherent a picture as possible. If anyone were to sit down with me and hear all that transpired (which cannot happen as I do not remember a lot of it) they would go away totally confused ... it was a mish-mash of experiences; a jumbled, bumbled, delirious, chaotic, bizarre, freaky and peculiar trip I went on. Vineeto and Peter get regaled with bits and pieces of it every now and again ... snippets of anecdotes when some discussion jogs my memory and another crazy morsel is added to the weird smorgasbord already presented. But the main thing I stress through all these sagas is the only danger inherent on the wide and wondrous path: because of the affective faculty one may lose the plot and become seduced by the glamour and glory and glitz of enlightenment.
I kid you not ... ‘Article 36’ of ‘Richard’s Journal’ spells this out in no uncertain terms.
It may well be that this is an opportune time to address what you phrased as being the difference between ‘PE’s, PCE’s and actual freedom (‘AF’)’ in another post: the term ‘peak experience’ is an all-encompassing phrase ... a ‘catch-all’ term for many and varied experiences. I have explained how I came about the term to this Mailing List before. Vis.:
I typed <peak experience> into the search function and sent it through my web page and came up with 157 entries. I see that I often mix and mingle the phrase with <pure consciousness experience> and this would lead to confusion only if one disregards the places where I clearly delineate what I mean. Vis.:
I have also asked Vineeto and Peter if they would include the phrases ‘nature experience’ and ‘jamais vu’ in their ‘180 Degrees Opposite’ schematic so as to help clarify the matter as that is how I first described what I would now call pure consciousness experiences back in 1980-1981. And I see that Vineeto has posted a paragraph (derived from page 226; ‘Richards Journal’ and an excerpt of which can be found on-line) wherein I describe the ‘nature experience’ unambiguously. As for jamais vu: while jamais vu (‘never seen’) is not so common as déjà vu (‘already seen’), it can be just as compelling. Jamais vu is the opposite of déjà vu: instead of being extra familiar, as in déjà vu, a familiar situation seems totally unfamiliar. The world of people, things and events are experienced as for the first time ... there is little or no connection between long-term memory and perceptions from this moment. When a person is in this state nothing they experience seems to have anything to do with the past; everything suddenly becomes novel, totally new.
The sense of knowing people or things or events – and knowing how to relate to them – simply vanishes. Details one has seen a thousand times suddenly become engaging; the background is as equally important as the figure that occupies centre-stage. Or, as someone wrote on a now-defunct mailing list some time ago: ‘jamais vu is a feeling that you have never seen anything around you; it seems like everything around you is new and you’ve never been there before – as opposed to déjà vu when everything seems like you’ve lived it before – and you feel that you’ve never done this particular thing before, even when you know you have’. [endquote].
This odd, uncanny, surreal experience can happen to people who temporarily lose their memory or, more commonly, in an epileptic seizure (psychiatrically known as ‘temporal lobe epilepsy’ or TLE). For example, one such epilepsy sufferer wrote:
Incidentally, there are four types of déjà vu that clearly delineate between associated, but different, neurological experiences. These are déjà vecu (already experienced), déjà senti (already felt) and déjà visité (already visited) and déjà entendu (already heard). Déjà vecu is the most common déjà vu experience and involves the sensation of having done something or having been in an identical situation before and knowing what will happen next. These sensations are not only experienced as the outstanding sensations – seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching – but can also include the proprioceptive sensations.
So ‘jamais vu’ was my original nomenclature ... and yet another way of describing the pure consciousness experience is with the psychiatric terms ‘depersonalisation’, ‘derealisation’, alexithymia’ and ‘anhedonia’ ... which descriptions I have scattered throughout my correspondence. The article ‘Attentiveness And Sensuousness And Apperceptiveness’ may be well worth a visit in this regard. The characteristics already detailed (‘depersonalisation’, ‘alexithymia’, ‘derealisation’, ‘anhedonia’) are the result of expressing actual freedom in the psychiatric models of the human condition – which reflects the ‘human’ struggle to understand this fundamentally simple process called consciousness – and are inherently arbitrary in that they do not exist as separate items. The extinction of identity in its totality with its ensuing loss of reality coupled with the inability to affectively feel pleasure along with the ending of the feeling faculty all takes place in the space of a few glorious moments. Peace-on-earth is the certain result ... because it is already always just here right now.
Then one is this universe experiencing itself as an apperceptive human being.
I see that this naming dialogue was re-opened when Peter suggested introducing the phrase ‘excellence experience’ to describe the penultimate virtual freedom experience ... and all this discussion is well worthwhile, eh? My companion, who is exacting when it comes to grading herself/her experiences, has classifications ranging from good, very good, very, very good, excellent ... and the perfection peak experience (PCE). She is most particular to not confuse an excellence experience with a perfection experience ... and the most outstanding distinction in the excellence experience is the marked absence of what I call the ‘magical’ element. What I describe as ‘magical’ she prefers to call ‘entering into the fourth dimension’ (not to be confused with the Hindu fourth state known as ‘Turiya’).
This magical ‘other dimension’ is where time has no duration as the normal ‘now’ and ‘then’ and space has no distance as the normal ‘here’ and ‘there’ and form has no distinction as the normal ‘was’ and ‘will be’ ... there is only this moment in eternal time at this place in infinite space as this flesh and blood body being apperceptively aware (a three hundred and sixty degree awareness, as it were). Everything and everyone is transparently and sparklingly obvious, up-front and out-in-the open ... there is nowhere to hide and no reason to hide as there is no ‘me’ to hide. One is totally exposed and open to the universe: one is perennially just here right now ... actually in time and actually in space as actual form. This apperception (selfless awareness) is an unmediated perspicacity wherein one is this universe experiencing itself as a sensate and reflective human being; as such the universe is stunningly aware of its own infinitude.
It may or may not be a useful phrase to others ... which is what Peter was asking. I cannot definitively say one way or the other as I am not an expert on virtual freedom ... virtual freedom is derived from what the ‘I’ that was lived from March to September in 1981 and was first put into practice by my previous companion. When she dropped the baton, so as to pursue other avenues, Peter and Vineeto had already taken up the challenge to pioneer the wide and wondrous path. They are the first couple to live together in peace and harmony – by being as happy and harmless as is humanly possible for twenty three hours and fifty nine minutes a day – and both they and Grace intimately know far, far more about the intricacies of the daily living of it than I do.
By and large I go by their reports as to how effective it is.
ALAN: Richard, I have been exploring further the question of nurture and altruism and their relationship to one another. I had been watching a rather silly, though quite amusing, film called Accidental Hero, starring Dustin Hoffman. Tonight, lying in bed, I was examining my reactions to the film and why it provoked feelings of pride? in me, when suddenly it ‘clicked’.
RICHARD: Maybe ‘nobility’ rather than ‘pride’ ? That is, nobility as in philanthropic gallantry, valour, heroism and so on?
ALAN: I wrote the following for my own benefit and, though it has all been said before, someone else may find it of use: The greatest thing anyone can do for their fellow human beings is to live a life free from the human condition. There is the added incentive, at this particular moment in time, that the second person to evince that an actual freedom from the human condition is possible, is doing a great service to humanity.
RICHARD: Yes ... and, arguably, a much greater service than the first (else it be still-born).
ALAN: It is not possible to be free of the human condition while ‘I’ remain in existence (as experienced in the PCE). ‘I’ must ‘self’ immolate to live the possibility and cannot do so without an altruistic motive, because this act involves the complete and utter end to ‘my’ being. As you have said, no trace will remain, no possibility of the Phoenix rising, as there will be no ashes from which to rise. This is a more noble sacrifice than has ever before been made in the annuls of human history. More heroic than the soldier who takes the bullet to save his buddy. Or the mother who goes under the wheels of a speeding lorry to push her child to safety. Or the pilot who opts to stay at the controls of his doomed plane to avoid a built up area.
RICHARD: Indeed ... as noble and heroic as those altruistic deeds be there is nothing in them that removes the status-quo and changes the course of human history forever.
ALAN: All of these had some hope of continuation of ‘their’ existence in the imaginary afterlife. ‘I’ know that, by committing ‘self’ immolation, no such possibility exists. Hence the need for altruism. I now understand perfectly, what you meant when you wrote of that moment in 1981 (Appendix 1 – Richard’s Journal).
RICHARD: You must be referring to this passage:
It was not just leaving ‘family and friends’, though, for to be free of the human condition is to abandon ‘humanity’ completely (leaving them to their fate, as it were, whilst one achieved one’s destiny) ... then, and only then, will one no longer be one of the ‘blind leading the blind’.
ALAN: ‘I’ must say goodbye to all my friends and relatives, as no trace of ‘me’ will remain. Not even a little bit to take pride and glory in ‘my’ achievement. Shit, ‘I’ will not even be able to look down from heaven and say ‘that was me!’.
RICHARD: Ha ... well said. I have oft-times put it this way: the extinction of ‘me’ is the ultimate sacrifice ‘I’ can make to ensure the possibility of peace-on-earth for not only this body but for that body and every body.
Thus I find myself here, in the world as-it-is with people as-they-are ... and a vast stillness lies all around, abounding with purity and perfection. Beneficence, an active kindness, overflows in all directions, imbuing everything with unimaginable fairytale-like quality. Yet for me to be able to be here now at all was a blessing that only ‘I’ could grant, because nobody else could do it for me. I am full of admiration for the ‘me’ that dared to do such a thing. I owe all that I experience now to ‘me’.
I salute ‘my’ audacity.
ALAN: So, yes, altruism can be the only motive. ‘I’ do this for the benefit of my fellow human beings, or ‘I’ do this not at all. The only question which remains – do ‘I’ have the necessary intestinal fortitude to proceed?
RICHARD: No ... because no one has ‘the necessary intestinal fortitude to proceed’ before they proceed: it comes in sufficient quality, and only as required by the circumstances, as one proceeds.
The question is: what is preventing ‘me’ from proceeding?
ALAN: I have had three protracted periods (1-2 weeks) when I experienced the same as Richard: 3-4 hours sleep per day was all that was required; much reduced intake of food. I would guess the reason for this is that the body is operating to its optimum. No ‘self’ requiring large amounts of energy to fuel its requirements. Richard, do you notice any increase in either food or sleep after engaging in extra physical activity?
RICHARD: Being retired and on a pension I lead a sedentary lifestyle so I cannot report with any on-going surety. However, some months ago I became physically active in the back garden for a few weeks: building a concrete-block retaining wall; wheelbarrowing in 3-4 cubic metres of sub-soil and top-soil and mulch from where a delivery truck had dumped it at the front of the house; laying the foundations and building a wooden decking; erecting a pre-fabricated gazebo and various associated physical tasks (hammering, sawing, drilling, screwing and so on). Apart from an initial shortness of breath (which is to be expected due to the indolent lifestyle) there was neither an increase in sleep requirements nor food intake. Also, after the first two-three days the ready shortness of breath disappeared ... which is my experience upon taking up cycling again after any prolonged period of not cycling.
Normally my daily or on-going exercise regime involves manipulating the TV remote control with my left hand whilst raising the coffee-cup to my lips with the right hand (when not partaking of vigorous sexual exercise that is).
Plus a stroll into the village centre now and then.
ALAN: I was also intrigued that the decrease in sleep and food requirements did not occur during your ‘enlightened’ period.
RICHARD: Being the embodiment of Love Agapé and Divine Compassion does require more than a little calorific-energy and night-time repose to maintain (despite them being ‘not of the body’) ... plus the brain requires considerable calorific energy and night-time repose to support the Universal Mind (despite it being ‘a non-material mind’). Apart from that ... night-time dreaming continued to occur during that entire period (except for a three-week period in the third year which prompted an intensive investigation into the whole business of dreaming per se wherein I tracked down the dreaming entity over the ensuing years in the same way one tracks down the waking entity). All-in-all the four states of consciousness were fully functioning as is exemplified by other people’s reports of the workings of the ASC known as spiritual enlightenment.
Also, the libido was still functioning all through that period (primarily fuelling the delusion).
ALAN: I have been exploring further the question of nurture and altruism and their relationship to one another. I had been watching a rather silly, though quite amusing, film called Accidental Hero, starring Dustin Hoffman. Tonight, lying in bed, I was examining my reactions to the film and why it provoked feelings of pride? in me, when suddenly it ‘clicked’.
RICHARD: Maybe ‘nobility’ rather than ‘pride’ ? That is, nobility as in philanthropic gallantry, valour, heroism and so on?
ALAN: Yes. I can now see that the feelings provoked in ‘me’ were ‘echoes’ of what was necessary. ‘I’ knew that ‘I’ was going to proceed and that self-sacrifice would be required. Thus, when viewing a particularly scene, ‘I’ would cry – for ‘me’.
RICHARD: To be of service to all humankind is no little thing.
ALAN: ‘I’ know that, by committing ‘self’ immolation, no such possibility [of an imaginary afterlife] exists. Hence the need for altruism. I now understand perfectly, what you meant when you wrote of that moment in 1981 (Appendix 1 – Richard’s Journal).
RICHARD: You must be referring to this passage: [Richard]: ‘About six weeks prior to the sixth of September 1981 I had a revelation that I was going to really die this time, not become catatonic again, and that I was to prepare myself for it. The night before I could hardly maintain myself as a thinking, functioning human being as a blistering hot and cold burning sensation crept up the back of my spine and entered into the base of my neck just under the brain itself. I went to bed in desperation and frustration at my apparent inability to be good enough to carry this ‘process’ through to its supreme conclusion ...
RICHARD: Ah, yes ... there was no demarcation ascertainable between ‘me’ dying and the body dying (in those days I did not have the benefit of what hindsight has subsequently revealed). Which means anyway (irregardless of hindsight) that as at ‘the moment of truth’ it is impossible to distinguish between ‘my’ death and ‘my’ body’s death it is indicative of how complete a takeover ‘my’ usurpation is.
That is, ‘me’ as the etheric body by whatever name (the Greek word ‘ether/etheric’ is the same-same as the Sanskrit word ‘akasha/akashic’) fits every contour, every nook and cranny, of the physical body like a gossamer glove.
RICHARD: [quote]: ‘The next morning I awoke and all was calm and quiet. Expressing relief at the cessation of the intensifying ‘process’ that had reached an unbearable level the night before; I lay back on my pillows to watch the rising sun (my bedroom faced east) through the large bedroom windows. All of a sudden I was gripped with the realisation that this was the moment! I was going to die! An intense fear raced throughout my body, rising in crescendo until I could scarcely take any more. As it reached a peak of stark terror, I realised that I had nothing to worry about and that I was to go with the ‘process’. In an instant all fear left me and I travelled deep into the depths of my very ‘being’ ...
ALAN: Something happened a couple of days ago. Whether it was the start of a ‘process’, or not, I am not sure and time will tell.
RICHARD: Of course ... one can only speak with surety after the event. Also (and to put in a timely plug for the benefits of virtual freedom), the win-win aspect of actualism – as distinct from the all-or-nothing characteristic of spiritualism – means that if (note ‘if’) this turns out to be but a ... um ... a trial run, there is a way of living which is truly remarkable (and which is way beyond normal human expectations anyway) to fall back on.
It also provides a solid base from which to launch these escapades (and thus precludes the possibility of becoming a basket case).
ALAN: But something is very different. There is a constant awareness that ‘I’ am the doing of what is happening (or trying to be) and ‘I’ am standing in the way of this body actually being the doing of what is happening. There has been an almost constant sensation in the head – a tightness and occasional pain at the base of the skull – whether imagined, real or actual! There have been a lot of heart palpitations, trembling and nerves jangling (i.e. a surge of chemicals through the body). But there has been no feeling of fear. There have also been a couple of occasions when ‘I’ have attempted to grab for the Glory and the Glamour and the Glitz. There is also a great sense of excitement, of imminence, of something about to happen – all quite delightful.
RICHARD: I remember describing it as ‘living at the cutting-edge of reality’.
ALAN: Thanks to your trailblazing efforts, and the recording thereof, I understand what is happening and the scenario, therefore, holds none of the terror which it must have done for you – and I am also aware of the delusion of the ASC. It is a most amusing situation to be in. ‘I’ know that all I am feeling and thinking is but a product of ‘my’ imagination and does not actually exist. ‘I’ have kidnapped this body and have been found out and am now being requested to ‘get out’.
RICHARD: Ha ... I like that description (‘kidnapped this body’ ). Also, is it not great to have finally discerned the secret of ‘my’ existence (‘‘I’ have been found out’ ) ... which means that one now knows every human being’s most closely guarded secret?
RICHARD: I have oft-times put it this way: the extinction of ‘me’ is the ultimate sacrifice ‘I’ can make to ensure the possibility of peace-on-earth for not only this body but for that body and every body. Thus I find myself here, in the world as-it-is with people as-they-are ... and a vast stillness lies all around, abounding with purity and perfection. Beneficence, an active kindness, overflows in all directions, imbuing everything with unimaginable fairytale-like quality. Yet for me to be able to be here now at all was a blessing that only ‘I’ could grant, because nobody else could do it for me. I am full of admiration for the ‘me’ that dared to do such a thing. I owe all that I experience now to ‘me’. I salute ‘my’ audacity.
ALAN: I certainly salute ‘your’ audacity – and I can only have a vague idea of what ‘you’ must have gone through. As stated above, I have the benefit of your writings to ease ‘my’ passage, so to speak. I know, more or less, what is happening and, by previously exploring the instinct of fear, it is no longer extant. How ‘you’ managed to proceed in the face of stark terror was a remarkable achievement. I would express my thanks – were there anyone there to receive it! LOL.
RICHARD: My keenness for another’s experience always accords to the following sequence:
ALAN: So, yes, altruism can be the only motive. ‘I’ do this for the benefit of my fellow human beings, or ‘I’ do this not at all. The only question which remains – do ‘I’ have the necessary intestinal fortitude to proceed?
RICHARD: No ... because no one has ‘the necessary intestinal fortitude to proceed’ before they proceed: it comes in sufficient quality, and only as required by the circumstances, as one proceeds. The question is: what is preventing ‘me’ from proceeding?
ALAN: Ha! ‘I’ cannot proceed. All ‘I’ can do is stand back and allow the ‘process’ to continue of its own accord.
RICHARD: Hmm ... if it were not for what follows (below) I would be making the obvious comment here.
ALAN: Perhaps to be a willing participant. For this to happen ‘I’ needed to be convinced, to realise, why ‘I’ had to do this. Why there was no other way out. A couple of weeks ago I made the decision that I was no longer going to sit back and wait for something to happen.
RICHARD: Good ... for the ‘sitting back’ modus operandi resulted in a six-month slump did it not (or have I misunderstood what you wrote elsewhere)?
ALAN: Instead, I would attempt to use ‘force’ to proceed further. Since then I have, more or less constantly, been running ‘I am going to do this thing’. Previously, I had shied away from the idea of forcing the issue, as it seemed this was not something that one could consciously decide to do. Anyway, I have nothing to lose – except myself, of course.
RICHARD: Yes, nothing of substance will happen less ‘I’ be the willing participant ... the 100% committed participant. I always maintain that each and every person holds their freedom in their own hands ... no one else can either grant it or prevent it. I see that I have written of it many times thus:
It is the greatest gift one can bestow upon this body and that body and every body.
ALAN: I record these happenings just in case ‘this is it’ and it all adds to the database of knowledge. I have been considering how one can possibly recall that one has had a PCE – and that is an invalid statement, because one does not have a PCE – the purity and perfection is happening all of the time and ‘I’ have temporarily ‘got out the way’ and allowed the allowed the Universe to experience itself as this body. So, there is no ‘I’ at that time to record the experience. I know you have written that a PCE is difficult to recall, as there is no affective element. What I am saying is that it is impossible to recall – yet ‘I’ can remember having a PCE.
RICHARD: Yes, and that is all that is necessary (to know that it exists). Howsoever, and in view of what is presently occurring, would you now say that you currently have an (active) answer to my question of 28 January 2001? Vis.:
Because is not the ‘the necessary intestinal fortitude to proceed’ coming in sufficient quality, and only as required by the circumstances, as one is proceeding?
RICHARD: I have been otherwise occupied, this past month or two, moving house – selling-off furniture, white-goods, desk-top computers, and the like – and settling into my new residence ... a ready-made retreat somewhat removed from mainstream utilities in that it has no internet connection (no telephone cable), electric power comes primarily via photovoltaic cells, bottled liquid petroleum gas fuels the stove, and so forth.
ALAN: Hello Richard. Long time no speak – my choice. I am interested in the reasons for your change of abode and (apparent) lifestyle if you would care to provide them.
RICHARD: Sure ... the notion of moving out of suburbia has been around ever since I moved in (I had never been a suburbanite before and have thoroughly enjoyed being umbilically connected, so to speak, to all manner of supplies and disposals) and the first vague inclination, about seven years ago, was to move north to this country’s tropical seaboard where coral abounds ... but nothing ever came of it. The next was to move off-shore (to the Cook Islands in the South Pacific, or to the Cocos (Keeling) Islands in the Indian Ocean, where there are also turquoise lagoons for fish to leap in) ... yet when the preliminary plans began to bear more and more resemblance to playful quirks, rather than to anything substantial, they never quite made it into the ... um ... the Advanced Planning Department.
Besides which I was having too much fun at the keyboard to prematurely relinquish the serendipitously available opportunity to build-up a wide-ranging body of writing, that was of sufficient magnitude to provide enough words so as to put them together in a book format several several times over, at a later date and at my leisure, for no particularly compelling reason other than the sheer enjoyment and appreciation of being able to change environments/lifestyles and all that inheres from doing just that.
The main reason why I started writing to mailing lists, when I first went public on the internet in 1997 with a three-page website, other than to gain critical feedback – an ad hoc form of peer-group review as it were – from sections of ‘Richard’s Journal’ (the only publicly available words at the time), was to gather such material ... for if I were to have just sat down to write another book, only out of the blue this time around, it might not have been of sufficient relevance to my fellow human beings without that valuable input from a diverse range of interests from peoples all around the globe.
So the way I like to tell the story of how the timing came about to make this long-contemplated move, and it is as good a version as any other, is that I am one of those baby-boomers, of whom one hears about more-and-more these days as they approach/reach retirement age, that had not provided for their dotage – I neither owned a house or car (indeed I do not even have a driver’s licence) nor had any assets or money in the bank – so I bestirred myself from my indolence, several years ago, and built up a credit rating (which I also lacked) by using a cedit card instead of saving then using cash for major purchases and utility bills, thereby paying it off effortlessly and thus progressively being able to raise the credit-limit into the bargain, until my financial status was adjudged as being of sufficient standing to enable me to obtain a personal bank-loan so as to purchase a very modest residence on a five-year repayment plan ... of which about two-and-a-half years remain.
Also, the seaside village where Grace and I have been jointly renting a brick-veneer duplex had become an ever-increasingly popular address and the house/land prices, and thus the rents, had been escalating almost exponentially over the last 10-15 years ... hence it had been well-nigh inevitable that the day would come when, by being on a fixed-income, we would be priced-out of what had previously been a very, very inexpensive back-water on the first occasion either of us had stayed a while in the area (circa early 1980’s).
My two-roomed retreat, or three if a closet-size bathroom will qualify as one, being readily relocatable – I do not own what it sits upon – can be lifted onto a suitably sized truck (a lorry in your neck of the woods), without too much complication, and transported to wherever we will if, or when, the whim occurs to do so ... even to the coral coast, already mentioned, or anyplace else as might take our fancy.
We actually have no plan to go anywhere, though, and may never do so ... it is simply nice to have the option.
ALAN: I continue to seek a reply as to what is preventing me from proceeding and admit I seem to be no nearer an answer than when we last discussed the matter.
ALAN: The obvious, that ‘I’ wish to remain in existence and have no incentive other than altruism to proceed has probably been ‘done to death’ – if only the latter were fact!
RICHARD: If the impact of pure consciousness experiences (PCE’s) be not sufficiently enticing – an altruistic ‘self’-immolation in toto is not, of course, only for the benefit of other bodies – then maybe a goodly dose of back-pressure may provide the requisite incentive.
I am, of course, referring to watching the evening news (or even soap-operas for that matter) and seeing – actually seeing – the human condition stripped-naked as it parades itself across the screen for those with the eyes to see ... and thus knowing that, essentially, there too goes oneself, no matter how diminished.
I do know that it worked well for the identity inhabiting this body all those years ago when, being only human, the impulsion (being pulled from ahead) would, on occasion, lessen in its intensity and the propulsion (being pushed from behind) was most certainly helpful in vivifying a flagging intent to enable that which the PCE so magically evinced to occur 24/7.
So ... what is it that permits one to not proceed?
The Third Alternative
(Peace On Earth In This Life Time As This Flesh And Blood Body)
Here is an actual freedom from the Human Condition, surpassing Spiritual Enlightenment and any other Altered State Of Consciousness, and challenging all philosophy, psychiatry, metaphysics (including quantum physics with its mystic cosmogony), anthropology, sociology ... and any religion along with its paranormal theology. Discarding all of the beliefs that have held humankind in thralldom for aeons, the way has now been discovered that cuts through the ‘Tried and True’ and enables anyone to be, for the first time, a fully free and autonomous individual living in utter peace and tranquillity, beholden to no-one.