March 9 2025

VINEETO: Indeed, it does take some time but what it really takes is action. Observing is not enough and they won’t fall away by themselves. Actualism is not the neo-buddhistic ‘noting’ which is nothing but a dissociation practice.

SCOUT: Good pointer, thank you. I definitely still retain some degree of buddhist passivity.

VINEETO: What it takes is paying diligent attention whenever you notice a diminishment of feeling good, you take note of the trigger and then investigate the cause of the trigger – sometimes it is an old habit which you can decline, sometimes it is something deeper which needs further exploration. Don’t remain passive, which is obvious an acquired habit which only serves to keep you miserable.

*

VINEETO: Presently you merely proved to yourself that your addiction to suffering is indeed unchangeable and therefore justified. Do you recognize the trick you play with yourself? You simply changed suffering about your own pain (which is too difficult to look at because of an underlying fear) to suffering for other people’s sake, especially in situations in which you can do nothing and where your own sympathy, empathy and compassion can offer no practical assistance. It only makes you suffer on their behalf on top of suffering on your own behalf so that you can feel less ‘selfish’.

SCOUT: Also true!! And it’s hard to let go of too because of tribal allegiances, because compassion and self-sacrifice is a high moral virtue within my family (who I am very close with). I’ve actually started questioning the tenets of compassion and martyrdom with them in the past and they bristled rather strongly so I dropped it.

VINEETO: Ah, there you have uncovered one reason for maintaining this habit of remaining passive – loyalty. Excellent.

There is no need to “questioning the tenets of compassion and martyrdom with them”, you only need to question those “tenets of compassion and martyrdom” with yourself. Be courageous to leave the nest because remaining in the fold of “tribal allegiances” has only served to keep you imprisoned with their demands of “suffering together” (com-passion).

You do not need, nor can you change others. The only person you can and need to change is yourself.

SCOUT: I guess their compassion, like mine, is limited in scope and does not extend its mercy to those who don’t subscribe to a similar world view. At any rate, it definitely doesn’t help anyone to linger in pain just because other people are in pain, for whatever reason.

VINEETO: Ha, that is a high prize for receiving a sense of allegiance, don’t you think?

Here is a snippet of conversation feeling being ‘Vineeto’ had with Richard on that very topic in 1997 –

R: I remember you and I having a conversation about loyalty the second or third time you came here. You were realising that you had loyalty to hold you back

Q(2): Yes, it took a while for me to work through. It is a feeling of belonging, and when I dismantled what loyalty is made up of then it loses its virtue.

R: It is connected with belonging? To a particular group? So all these group therapies that people do, they would not question that loyalty, would they? Because they belong to that very group that is running the therapies. The whole thing of the commune.

Q(2): It’s a new loyalty – away from the family and toward the commune.

R: Whereas I am only interested in being rid of loyalty altogether – however strange that may initially seem. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, Audio taped Dialogues, Compassion Gained through Forgiveness Binds).

There are more details on this topic in “Basic to Full Freedom ” if you are interested.

Be courageous and begin to take your life into your own hands. You already made the first step in discovering what is presently holding back.

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Scout, 9 March 2025).

October 3 2025

VINEETO: It’s interesting that you should say that “I only have plenty of experience where it concerns a progression to an excellence experience”. It seems that your focus has primarily been chasing extraordinary experiences, wonderful in themselves, but have not contemplating to up-level your default state of happiness to the next level as Richard explained –

Richard: And, of course, once one does get the knack of this, one up-levels ‘feeling good’, as a bottom line each moment again, to ‘feeling happy and harmless’ ... and after that to ‘feeling excellent’. (Richard, Articles, This Moment of Being Alive).

KUBA: Hmm yes I have to admit that this is the case, even yesterday I was already thinking about this PCE I had 9 months ago where I glimpsed actual Sonya and how utterly extraordinary it was – and I have only just begun looking at intimacy!

I remember talking with Felix about this kind of oscillating, and it’s weird, it’s almost like being addicted to that up and down motion. Perhaps because if ‘I’ just allow feeling good to happen then ‘I’ have nothing else to do.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

You have just revealed why you never want to arrive at your destination. Your concern is that there would be nothing to do but enjoying and appreciating simply being alive – no excitement, no thrill, no ups and downs. Do the variation of oscillating feelings present themselves as the true meaning of life to you?

KUBA: I just observed it now, there is feeling good which happens and there is this almost fanatic need to ‘go somewhere with it’, like it has to be the launching pad to the next extraordinary experience, as opposed to just luxuriating in this feeling good for its own sake.

Ha so what seems to be the way to go, for now at least – is to just have feeling good without moving in either direction, this in itself is interesting to allow, not what I would normally do …

VINEETO: Again, this is where the quote from Richard I presented in my last message gives a clue in which ‘direction’ to move –

Richard: A general rule of thumb is: if it is a preference it is a self-less inclination; if it is an urge it is a self-centred desire. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, 25d, 14 January 2004)

So far you seem to prefer obeying the commands of the self-centred-inspired urge for excitement. Is it a lack of continuous attentiveness or are you perhaps fooling yourself that becoming actually free from the human condition is your number one priority?

Whatever your predisposition, as an intelligent human being you can make a determined choice to give up the addiction to being ‘me’ with lots of elation, agitation, intensity … and the inevitable suffering when the ‘high’ subsides.

James: The addiction to being ‘me’ is stronger because it always wins out.

Richard: If ‘I’ am to be honest ‘I’ will have to acknowledge that the addiction to being ‘me’ has only always won out so far because so far ‘I’ have always sought escape from being ‘me’ via a path that ‘I’ know will not deliver the goods. (Richard, Selected Correspondence, Addiction).

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Kuba 10, 3 October 2025).

October 3 2025

KUBA:  

Richard: The question to ask oneself is: why does one require any nervous stimuli at all? Why does one endlessly seek excitement? It is an adventure and a delight to simply be alive, when one is free from the ‘I’ that has taken control of one’s body; the hunt for the “thrills and spills” that is so endemic in the real world is over. It is ‘I’ who is easily bored, incessantly pursuing excitement. As ‘I’ am not actually here, one needs to feel that ‘I’ am real … that one is “alive”. The body can be persuaded to produce quite an array of chemicals; a veritable cocktail is available to the insidious entity that has taken up psychological and psychic residence within. Whereas I am already alive for I am actual. I am never bored, because being here now as-I-am is an escapade in itself. (Richard’s Journal, Article 25, pg 181)

This explains ‘my’ addiction quite well, the addiction to excitement is because it makes ‘me’ feel ‘alive’, the “thrill of the search” provides the buzz ‘I’ am looking for in order to feel that ‘I’ exist.

Well they say the first step is admitting that one is addicted so there is that. But then there is the gratification that the ‘hit’ provides and the fact that ‘I’ enjoy it. It seems it must be about seeing what this addiction is doing as a totality.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

As an addiction is an acquired habit, often indulged in for many years, to shed this addiction takes a bit more than “seeing what this addiction is doing as a totality” to be done with it once and for all. I suggest patient and diligent application of the actualism method and each time you are tempted by the affective thrills, recognize the pattern and sensibly decline. Given the addictive nature of feelings it requires more an ongoing attention to your feelings and declining consequent behaviour rather than a one-off cognitive turn-about.

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Kuba 10, 3 October 2025b).

October 6 2025

KUBA: Ok so got some movement on this front, at least the indignation part for sure. I realised that what is needed is not merely looking at various concepts such as justice or fairness but an altogether different paradigm, the clue being in the word benevolence. Basically it is about stepping out of that old way altogether, of right and wrong, punishment and justice, score-keeping, expectations etc.

With benevolence there is no calculation to decide if one is deserving of beneficence, there is only beneficence, rooted in fellowship regard, and this is just a far better way of living, actually it’s very charming.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Indeed. There is an actual benevolence as well as equity and parity, magnanimity and generosity – nothing is missing when any of the rigid real-world principles and virtuous/ sinful concepts are being abandoned (as long as you live by the legal laws and social protocols of the country you are residing in). Besides –

Richard: There is only one person in this whole wide world that one can change ... myself. This is the most important point to understand thoroughly, otherwise one endlessly tries to change the other ... and as there are billions of ‘others’ it would be a life-time task with still no success at the end. If one grasps that the way to peace-on-earth is by changing oneself – and oneself only – then all of one’s interactions with others will undergo a radical transformation. (Richard, Articles, This Moment of Being Alive).

Isn’t it a wonderful and innocuous aim to become free from animosity and anguish –

Richard: When the psychological ego and psychic soul willingly relinquish their sovereignty and take their leave, the senses can act in the optimum. Just as when a normal person becomes blind and all their other senses are heightened, so too does the abdication result in a phenomenal increase in the pleasurable and luxurious sensitivity of being a corporeal body in this very physical world. The resultant benevolence produces easy good-will, kindness and altruism, for one is living in a friendly world … made all the more amiable because of the innate munificence and magnanimity of the purity of the perfection of the infinitude of the universe as is evidenced only at this moment in time. (Richard’s Journal, Article 34, pg 252)

KUBA: There is some movement on the thrills part too although it is not resolved. My mum the other day told me of some old stories when I was young and I got some new roller blades. I actually skipped school the following day and rode right up to the school entrance during lunchtime to show off. Now she mentioned this story as part of a point she was making that she has always nurtured my individuality. However I see now that what she was actually nurturing was licentiousness. And indeed I have come to associate license with freedom, and freedom to be ‘me’ as ‘I’ am is nothing at all like what the words actual freedom refer to. So it is like I am untangling this slowly, of this weird association where ‘I’ have been habitually giving free reign to self-centred urges and thinking that this means freedom. But the ‘freedom’ of licentiousness is more like anarchy, and this is where the hook is, ‘I’ get to operate without bounds and there is this thrill associated with it.

Actually I should probably clarify that my actual behaviour certainly does not verge into anything like anarchy or antisocial behaviour, but that is what the energy of those thrills is all about.

VINEETO: Even though you don’t act it out, this is a good insight to never confuse freedom with licentiousness. Anarchy is born of resentment against the restrictions of one’s social identity (and as such merely the other side of the coin), whereas benevolence and magnanimity inherent to the perfection and purity of the infinite universe, experienced as pure intent, allows one to safely dismantle all the rules and concepts of the social identity, one by one.

KUBA: It’s funny because yesterday I wrote that I need to decide what I want to do with my life, but the truth of it is that I already know, actually it’s not even an option that it could go any other way than towards the ending of the human condition. But this modus operandi of giving reign to self-centred urges, this is a major stumbling block in that it is impossible to be happy and harmless whilst it remains. In fact, to link it back to benevolence, this is like trying to mix oil and water, to give reign to self-centred urges and to be benevolent is literally 2 different directions.

Yesterday as I was working a hen do this really clicked on a deep level, the group had such a great time that they were naively jumping about and squealing by the end of it all. And it was so lovely to observe this, but all throughout this particular job I was well aware of how ‘my’ self-centred urges would only dirty this and so they played no part. When I got back in my car I could really see that these are 2 different directions to travel now, that if I want to enable more of what I saw during that job then ‘my’ self-centred urges will have to be left behind.

VINEETO: Excellent – now with this unambiguous clarity you can act, i.e. set out to whittle away at the addiction for excitement, thrill and buzz with an ongoing affective attentiveness, whenever and wherever the temptation arises –

Richard: And thus was it that ‘attentiveness’ became actualism’s designator for a particular tool for facilitating the actualism method – as distinct from and contrasted to ‘mindfulness’ being the buddhistic method, in and of itself, even unto secularised versions – so as to further distinguish the fact of the actualism method being so totally different to anything else (or, put another way, that the buddhistic ‘mindfulness’ method is another ball-game entirely).

(Please note: once it becomes second-nature – a non-verbal attitude to life; a wordless approach to living – an intuitive awareness, as in an affective monitoring of mood and temperament, dispenses with that initial diligence and perseverance). [emphasis added]. (Richard, List D, Andrew, 28 February 2016).

It is such an exciting adventure in itself to be a pioneer in pursuing something so new to human consciousness – what other thrill do you need!

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Kuba 10, 6 October 2025).

October 18 2025

CHRONO: The following is from Henry’s Journal but I did not want to divert it into a different topic:

VINEETO: (…) And once you fully take on board that “I am my feelings and my feelings are me” you have the choice of being a different feeling because it is simply silly, when you have the choice, to be something other than happy and harmless.
You might also discover that there is a certain amount of investment in keeping the suffering going (because of some good feeling you cherish, for instance) – elsewhere referred to the addiction of being a ‘being’ (Richard, List B, James3), and that is a further topic for contemplation. All this is to indicate that it’s not always straightforward to “activate delight”. Nothing can be swept under the carpet in the long run. (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Chrono2, 16 October 2025).

CHRONO: Yes it was only after I saw that I had to return to feeling good first that any sort of beneficial changes were noticed and maintained.

VINEETO: This is a valuable experience and a good to keep in.

CHRONO: Though overall there is still the addiction to being ‘me’. I have been re-reading the linked correspondence on addiction and some parts stood out to me (also appreciated James’ questions and pondering):

Richard: I was not referring to whatever suffering may be caused by losing in gambling … but to the suffering which ensues as the eventual result of the high evaporating (no matter what particular addiction it is). Therefore I presume that the ‘action’ you refer to is what provides the high … and if so then I further presume that when this action-induced high evaporates then suffering ensues.
If this is the case then it is this suffering which is well worth investigating for its addictive properties. (Richard, List B, James3, 24 October 2002)

Richard: Is not the reason why ‘I’ do not know if the unknown path delivers the goods – or why ‘I’ do not know what the unknown path is – none other than because ‘I’ will not abandon the known path, the familiar path, the path that does not deliver the goods? (Richard, List B, James3, 5 November 2002)

James: Ok, it might be possible by seeing that I am doing it for this body and everybody but I am really doing it for ‘I’/ ‘me’ at least in the beginning.
Richard: When ‘I’ see that ‘I’ am as mad and as bad and as sad as anyone else instinctually driven it is actually impossible to say that ‘I’ am doing it for ‘me’ alone … the repercussions of such an event are vast beyond belief. (Richard, List B, James3, 28 October 2002a)

James: I hear what you are saying but I am not tuned in to the altruistic instinct.
Richard: As it is instinctive it arises as the need arises … just as its concomitant courage does. (Richard, List B, James3, 1 November 2002)

If I compared to my experience with suffering (deep feelings of complete desolation) as described above in experiences of limerence (where I feel anything very deeply), in the midst of the most intense suffering is where I also felt the most “alive”. Within it, there’s a simultaneous desire to end the suffering (because it is intense anguish) but also addicted to being it. This suffering also had a ‘good’ side where I felt fulfilled, but only if certain conditions were met. I’d go in circles no matter how much I noted it did not make sense. Deep down I felt this suffering as my soul itself and sometimes a ‘dream’ would present itself as being the only way out. This was the dream of ‘love’. Which dream is gone now. But I would naturally go back to this place of intense suffering if no attentiveness or anything was applied. I can see that as ‘my’ path.

VINEETO: You have identified the nub of the old paradigm which applies both to the spiritual as well as the materialistic aspect – your ‘being’ searching for the fulfilment that only an actual freedom can provide. Instead, for millennia people have been settling for second best – either spiritual enlightenment or material fulfilment, as in addictions to ‘highs’, ranging from drugs, success, group-highs, winning competitions, admiration or similar ‘self’-enhancing activities.

It is an excellent realisation to have identified this as “‘my’ path”, in contrast to the wide and wondrous path. It is a dead-end road unless you want to settle for second best.

This “limerence” only reifies the ‘self’ and the ‘self’s’ yearning for grandeur in the dream of the ‘good’ side – ‘self’-aggrandisement. The sooner you recognize, and consequently decline, the nature of the “dream” the sooner the attraction to the “most intense suffering” will also abate. Perhaps a thorough investigation of what is left of “the dream of ‘love’” might be useful – (FAQ: Why is love (Love) no Solution?)

Richard: Also, intrinsic to the nature of love is its – always unfulfilled – promise of eternity. Our life here on earth has a time-span, so what use is a spurious Eternal Bliss in some conjectured After-Life? Love has produced wars, murders, rapes and violence since time immemorial ... it staggers me that it still retains its credibility. To kill for ‘Love of Country’ or ‘Love of God’ is surely proof enough for any discerning person. Then there are those ‘Crimes of Passion’ that are brought about by love’s constant companions: possessiveness, jealousy and envy. If these examples are too extreme then what about the heartache, the longing, the pining and the yearning that all peoples report as accompanying love’s bliss? This leads to the search for ‘True Love’ which, supposedly, does not induce these unpleasant characteristics so common to everybody’s experience of love. ‘True Love’ is simply a fiction ... it is impossible to manifest it here on earth, hence the notion of an After-Life to encompass it. To repeat: Love never delivers on its implied promise. It never has done nor ever will. Its days are numbered, as more and more people are beginning to notice that love itself – not the human being – is failing to live up to its reputation again and again. (FAQ: Why is love (Love) no Solution?)

CHRONO: But I do have this desire within to also end the suffering, which I equate with:

James: ‘I’ am telling myself that ‘I’ don’t really want to do it because that will be the end of ‘me’.
Richard: Ahh … now to the nub of the issue: have you ever desired oblivion? (Richard, List B, James3, 5 November 2002a)

My natural instinct then was to end it while being it, but I would go in circles. Maybe I wasn’t doing this:

James: ‘I’ am stuck with ‘me’ (suffering) now. ‘I’ can’t see how to get past that.
Richard: As there has been a, perhaps predictable, retreat back into suffering (predictable as foreshadowed in ‘‘I’ want to hide from this inquiry’ and ‘‘I’ want to back out’ for example), then one starts with where one is presently at (where one is not yet at will emerge of its own accord as one proceeds): as you say ‘‘I’ am stuck with ‘me’ (suffering) now’ then for ‘me’ that is where ‘I’ am currently at.
Therefore, do ‘I’ feel the feeling of being stuck with ‘me’ (suffering) or not? If yes, then through staying with the feeling, by being the feeling (instead of trying to see how to get past that), one will find out, experientially, what it is really like to not have a path and/or not have a plan … other than the one of ‘looking for a way out’ so that one can stick with the known that is. (Richard, List B, James3, 21 Nov 2002a)

VINEETO: My suggestion is that as long as the ‘good’ side of your suffering is still active as a promise and therefore desire, you will continue to go round in circles. ‘Vineeto’ knows from personal experience that the (at first often hidden) ‘good’ feelings such as desire, love and compassion kept the bad feelings in place.

Here Richards reports from his own experience of dismantling enlightenment –

Richard: In my tenth year … I had to turn my sights upon the last thing that stood between me and an actual freedom. I would have to let go of the deeply ingrained concept of ‘The Good’. For this to happen I would have to eliminate ‘The Bad’ in me, or else I would be likely to go off the rails and run amok. Little did I realise that it was ‘The Good’ that kept ‘The Bad’ in place. I was soon to find this out.

The Altered State of Consciousness – in particular, spiritual enlightenment – needs to be talked about and exposed for what it is so that nobody need venture up that blind alley ever again. There is another way and another goal. The main trouble with the enlightenment is that whilst the ego dissolves, the identity as a soul remains intact. No longer identifying as a personal ego-bound identity, one then identifies as an impersonal soul-bound identity – ‘I am That’, ‘I am God’, ‘I am The Supreme’, ‘I am The Absolute’ and so on. This is the delusion, the mirage, the deception ... and it is extremely difficult to see it for oneself, for one is in an august state. [Emphasis added] (Richard, List B, No. 31, 7 March 2000)

CHRONO: Also I am curious why Richard suggests in this correspondence not to return to feeling good first but to proceed with the contemplation despite James saying he experiences fear and the suchlike. In what context is this happening?

VINEETO: The conversation was less of a contemplation but rather an affective exploration into the nature of fear and the addiction of suffering and being ‘me’ and it revealed the feeling James had regarding the ending of ‘me’. Viz.:

James: My current thinking is that no path will deliver the goods. Any path I take is more of ‘me’ trying to escape from ‘me’.
Richard: Ahh ... but what about the path of no return? So far you have only ever travelled on the path that carries a return ticket. Viz.: [James]: ‘However, since ‘me’ is essentially suffering ‘I’ try to escape through various highs. Once these highs evaporate I am back to being ‘me’ suffering’. [endquote]. Given that the price of the return ticket is yet more suffering – a life-time of suffering in fact – why is it that the price of a one-way ticket is considered too high a price to pay? What price the end of suffering, eh?
James: Because the end of suffering is the end of ‘me’.
Richard: Is this not another way of saying that, because of ‘my’ fear of death, ‘my’ current plan is to not yet set foot upon the path of no return? (Richard, List B, James3, 21 November 2002).

When an intense feeling such as the fear of extinction is encountered for the first time, it sometimes requires an affective exploration to identify what it is really about before one can see the silliness of this existential fear and be able to return to feeling good for further contemplation. Besides, this example of the affective exploration into stuckness, fear and the addiction of being ‘me’ could result in the courage to proceed for James or other readers via garnering sufficient pure intent.

Similarly, your own affective experiences of “limerence” revealed that you are “addicted to being it”, that there was “a ‘good’ side where I felt fulfilled …” and “the dream of ‘love’”.

However, there is no point in going into these limerences once you know what they are about or into the feelings of the fear of ending ‘me’ again and again unless ‘I’ am prepared, via discovering and dissolving the last bastions of ‘me’ objecting to ‘my’ demise, especially when you already found out that you “would go in circles”.

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Chrono2, 18 October 2025).