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(List D refers to Richard’s List D
Vineeto’s Correspondence with Adam-H on Discuss Actualism Forum
ADAM-H: My focus lately has been on sincerity, naiveté, and investigating/ approaching the feeling of worry without getting to caught up in what the worry/ stress is about. Something I’ve been considering is that if I am sincerely well-intentioned, most of the worry is gone because it relates to me calculating around interactions in the corporate environment. VINEETO: Hi Adam, A sensible approach. When you say "considering" do you mean mentally considering or does this extend to applying this in practice – being "sincerely well-intentioned" and see what happens? ADAM-H: Is this what sincerity and naiveté is about? VINEETO: Synonyms to being "well-intentioned" are "well-meaning, benevolent
[wishing well], kindly, and sincere" (Cambridge Dictionary) so it does fit with what you
have read about benevolence … and sincerity is the key to naiveté – "that intimate aspect of oneself that is usually kept
hidden away for fear of seeming foolish (a simpleton) ... it is like being a child again but with adult sensibilities
(wherein one can separate out the distinction between being naïve and being gullible/ trusting)." ADAM-H: In some ways it seems to fit with what I’ve read, but I don’t know if I can 100% distinguish it from pacifism, except that the intention behind it is genuinely not about being holier than thou and grabbing onto a principle, more just about choosing to live in an easier and simpler way for the inherent value of that. VINEETO: Ah, feeling good come what may, to have fun, to enjoy life and being benevolent and considerate
is not pacifism – the doctrine of non-violence. With your adult sensibilities you can easily distinguish between
the two very distinct categories. Here are just three examples of Richard’s catalogued quotes re
pacifism
ADAM-H: The fear that prevents me from committing to it more is that I will be left defenceless,
which is nothing new. I think what’s strange to me is that I’m waiting for some ‘final’ insight that shows me
very clearly how this naiveté does not actually leave me defenceless before I commit. Perhaps that insight is
something that is only gained from practical experience with being that way and is not something I can really prove
to myself ahead of time? Is it just a confidence that builds with experience as opposed to an understanding that I
finally ‘work out’? VINEETO: Yes, the confidence comes with the practical experience. Waiting for the “final insight” is exactly the opposite of naiveté – to work it all out in your mind beforehand is the very thing preventing it from happening. It is actually fun to dare allowing this “intimate aspect of oneself that is usually kept hidden away for fear of seeming foolish” to come to the fore, this naiveté which allows you to enjoy and appreciate being alive to the extent of living in wide-eyed wonder and amazement, day after day. Then what others think of you is no longer of importance – you no longer have the goal of being an important person who has a certain ‘status’. You are playing a different game altogether – that of having fun and cherishing each moment of being alive whilst being benevolent and considerate towards everyone including yourself. As for being “defenceless” against physical attacks – once you abandon any notion of having to practice pacifism you can respond as each situation requires, with adult sensibilities. However, if you are concerned about being “defenceless” in the face of taunts, ridicule, injuries to your pride, honour and status, or for sometimes feeling foolish, then Claudiu’s report from January 2025 might give you some clue and encouragement –
As a reminder I leave you with a summary of the process from sincerity to naiveté –
Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: A sensible approach. When you say “considering” do you mean mentally considering or does this extend to applying this in practice – being “sincerely well-intentioned” and see what happens? ADAM-H: A bit of both, and it does seem to work when I actually do it. VINEETO: Ah, feeling good come what may, to have fun, to enjoy life and being benevolent and considerate is not pacifism – the doctrine of non-violence. With your adult sensibilities you can easily distinguish between the two very distinct categories. ADAM-H: In hindsight I think I didn’t describe my quandary very well here. I suppose I can tell that it is not actually pacifism because it’s plainly not a doctrine or moral I’m following. It would be closer to say that my worry was that naiveté will have the same effect as pacifism, where I am not able to defend myself. It’s useful to recognize that a sincerely well intentioned and naive person will be motivated to take action appropriate to the circumstances, even if that means defending themself. VINEETO: Hi Adam, Your “quandary” does not make sense to me in light of what you said above, that being “sincerely well-intentioned” “does seem to work when I actually do it”. It more looks like a worry which does have no leg to stand on. Is there perhaps still a smidgen of some pacifistic moral or principle prescribing you should not defend yourself when you are naïve? * VINEETO: Yes, the confidence comes with the practical experience. Waiting for the “final insight” is exactly the opposite of naiveté – to work it all out in your mind beforehand is the very thing preventing it from happening. ADAM-H: This is very helpful, I can see that part of me has been waiting for that final insight for a long time. The other part of me cares enough to just risk it and go in without fully knowing what the outcome will be. VINEETO: Excellent. As you previously said –
Which means when you “actually want what’s best for yourself”, you care “enough to just risk it”. Change can only happen when you allow it to occur. * VINEETO: As for being “defenceless” against physical attacks – once you abandon any notion of having to practice pacifism you can respond as each situation requires, with adult sensibilities. However, if you are concerned about being “defenceless” in the face of taunts, ridicule, injuries to your pride, honour and status, or for sometimes feeling foolish, then Claudiu’s report from January 2025 might give you some clue and encouragement –
ADAM-H: Thanks, this is indeed an interesting point! It helps to remember that the self I’m defending is essentially the same as any other ‘self’. VINEETO: Indeed – it also means the very same emotions and passions which motivate the other to behave in a way that you feel threatened (defenceless) are the same emotions and passions which you are defending. So when you feel defenceless, first get back to feeling good. Then there may well be nothing to defend and nothing to hide. As such every situation where you feel threatened (emotionally/ psychically) is an opportunity to explore ‘me’, or which aspect of ‘you’ you are defending/ hiding. It’s a sometimes challenging but altogether fascinating and fun process. ADAM-H: Anyways, I think the way forward seems pretty clear!
Continue to cultivate sincerity and naiveté, and the confidence that I can function, defend myself, and do
everything I need to do will keep growing. It seems like if I my aim is sufficiently pure then it doesn’t really
conflict with anything of genuine value. VINEETO: When you feel like a benevolent big kid having fun you are on the right track –
Cheers Vineeto
ADAM-H: It’s never felt more possible than it does right now. Sincerity is the key to naiveté – when I am sincerely benign, the need to control myself fades away. Without the pressure to control myself, life is an easy and fun affair. When I lose it, all I need is to re-establish the intent to be happy and harmless in the world as it is with people as they are. Establishing that intent at the most heartfelt sincere level leads directly back to being carefree. No matter what challenges I’m facing, I know that I will do my best if my intent and sincerity is at its best, so once I’m at that point there’s no need to worry. VINEETO: Hi Adam, It seems you have lost/ overcome your various worries about being naïve and are discovering how easy it is to live naïvely (being “sincerely benign”). In hindsight, it’s such an easy thing to do and yet all the dire warnings of the serious sophisticates make it out to be something dangerous, ridiculous or even contemptible. They say: “Don’t have too much fun, it’s bad for you”. ADAM-H: I think what would have gotten me here sooner was to focus more on harmlessness and sincerity as their own reward. VINEETO: In actualism, being happy and harmless are two aspects of the same condition – you cannot be happy unless you are also harmless and you cannot be genuinely harmless unless you are also happy.
I can also recommend Claudiu’s excellent post on harmlessness. ADAM-H: Happiness can be seen as something that happens to me. VINEETO: Happiness can only “be seen as something that happens to me” when you are solely focussing on a conditional happiness, which is dependent on certain events and circumstances, whereas you have the option of feeling good, each moment again, delighting in the awareness of being alive in this very moment, which is unconditional. So when you aim to feel good and enjoy and appreciate this moment of being alive you don’t go around looking for ‘happy circumstances that might happen to you’, you aim to enjoy each moment of being alive, whilst looking at and removing the obstacles that prevent you from feeling good.
ADAM-H: Harmless intentions are more clearly
coming from me, how I am disposed towards the universe. VINEETO: I understand why you make this distinction but when you understand that being happy and being harmless is one and the same condition then many of your prior concerns regarding pacificism, putting the other before oneself or similar moral connotations fall by the wayside. When you are happy in an unconditional way – because you have dealt with the obstacles to being happy – you are automatically harmless, and should you feel not harmless you can equally explore why not and deal with the cause right then and there. In that way your “harmless intentions” can never develop into a moral/ moralistic principle. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: It seems you have lost/ overcome your various worries about being naïve and are discovering how easy it is to live naïvely (being “sincerely benign”). In hindsight, it’s such an easy thing to do and yet all the dire warnings of the serious sophisticates make it out to be something dangerous, ridiculous or even contemptible. They say: “Don’t have too much fun, it’s bad for you”. ADAM-H: Yes, it’s fascinating to think about how myself and the other ‘serious sophisticates’ tick. Why would we choose to experience life in such a serious way? It feels like at least partly it is a way to ‘get back at’ life or people. Like I am unwilling to improve things if it has to be me changing, because why should I have to change when others are just as bad or worse? Or why should I enjoy things as they are when they could be better? VINEETO: Hi Adam, Are your questions purely rhetorical, voicing the attitude of “serious sophisticates” or do you share that sentiment that “why should I have to change when others are just as bad or worse?”, for instance, or “I am unwilling to improve things if it has to be me changing”? Just in case you have any remnants of resistance to unilaterally change, for your own benefit (and simultaneously others’ benefit), Andrew’s experiential insight can give you confirmation that it’s worthwhile doing so –
* VINEETO: In actualism, being happy and harmless are two aspects of the same condition – you cannot be happy unless you are also harmless and you cannot be genuinely harmless unless you are also happy. VINEETO: Happiness can only “be seen as something that happens to me” when you are solely focussing on a conditional happiness, which is dependent on certain events and circumstances, whereas you have the option of feeling good, each moment again, delighting in the awareness of being alive in this very moment, which is unconditional. ADAM-H: I think for me personally, I understood these things at an intellectual level all along, but I still mixed up what I was aiming at when it came to happiness a bit more than harmlessness. It wasn’t as blatant as looking for happy circumstances. More like ‘if I follow the actualism steps then I will be happy’. Something between enjoying and appreciating life here and now and chasing happy external circumstances. VINEETO: You seem now to have gained a more experiential understanding because yesterday you said –
* VINEETO: I understand why you make this distinction but when you understand that being happy and being harmless is one and the same condition then many of your prior concerns regarding pacifism, putting the other before oneself or similar moral connotations fall by the wayside. When you are happy in an unconditional way – because you have dealt with the obstacles to being happy – you are automatically harmless, and should you feel not harmless you can equally explore why not and deal with the cause right then and there. In that way your “harmless intentions” can never develop into a moral/ moralistic principle. ADAM-H: I think this is a good point, and it could be easy to
mistake what harmlessness is about in subtle ways similar to how I would sometimes misunderstand what happiness is
about… so looking for that feeling/ attitude which is both at once is key VINEETO: Yes, whilst you aim to be feeling good, i.e. maximise the felicitous and innocuous feelings, the actualism tools to reach your aim are to facilitate removing the obstacles that are in the way of feeling good. Once the obstacle (either a ‘good’ or bad feeling or an insalubrious belief or habit) is removed you are automatically back to feeling good. In other words, you don’t have to create feeling happy or feeling harmless – it happens when you remove what is preventing you from feeling happy and harmless.
Cheers Vineeto
ADAM-H: I realized I’ve been going in circles a bit recently, treading over ground I’ve previously covered. VINEETO: Hi Adam, A good realisation. I remember you had a realisation that may be related in February this year –
When you keep these realisations in mind it enables you to actualise them. Once getting into the habit of acting on them “it operates spontaneously each moment again” –
And another one from the same collection –
ADAM-H: I’ve had periods where it made sense to me that I could be happy and harmless, and that this would automatically lead in the direction of letting go of the controls, and that it was safe to do so because I had confidence in how I would handle the world and the people around me. I started doubting this at some point, it started seeming again like I was choosing between safety and security (mostly in terms of job/ financial stability) vs. happiness and harmlessness. I’m trying to really drill into this since it is almost always some variation of this worry that pulls me out of being happy and harmless. VINEETO: It may be well too early to contemplate letting go of the controls until feeling good becomes your default modus operandi. Then you can uplevel to being non-conditionally happy and harmless. Otherwise, as it happened you end up having another topic to be doubting and worry about (“in terms of job/ financial stability”). This is what Richard says in regards to unconditional enjoyment of being alive –
And, explaining this quote further –
Regarding “job/ financial stability” I am reminded of a previous realisation where you wrote –
Could it be that the desire to be “somebody important” is mixed in with the worry for safety and financial stability? I am asking because when you are feeling good why would that interfere with “job/ financial stability”? However, if you want to be somebody important and climb the social ladder then you might have a reason to be in conflict with your superior or co-workers. Even though this post might get too long, here is part of Richard’s correspondence with Srinath about peasant mentality which might be entertaining and/or instructive –
ADAM-H: As so often I’ve gotten into a logical argument with
myself where the two sides of me are trying to prove/ disprove that it’s safe to be happy and harmless. Tracing
back through my correspondence in this journal it seems like what has worked before is ceasing the intellectual
arguments and rememorating a naive moment, where I was able to be happy and harmless without knowing for sure that
everything would ‘work out’. So at least for a bit, that’s what I’m going to try getting back to. VINEETO: That is a splendid idea. It always works out differently in practice and experientially, where the third alternative to your self-created dichotomy of ‘good’ and ‘bad’, ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ as well as ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’ can come into play. It can only be grasped when you are naïve enough to try out something new, and therefore seemingly ‘unsafe’. Yes, when being happy and harmless is your default state, then you can rememorate “a naïve moment” and eventually recognize, and have it confirmed repeatedly, that everything is working fine without ‘your’, the controller’s input.
Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: Could it be that the desire to be “somebody important” is mixed in with the worry for safety and financial stability? I am asking because when you are feeling good why would that interfere with “job/ financial stability”? However, if you want to be somebody important and climb the social ladder then you might have a reason to be in conflict with your superior or co-workers. ADAM-H: I’ve been considering this. I think you are on the right track to question whether it’s really just about safety/ security, but it’s also not exactly about being someone important right now. It feels a bit more like a resentment towards the environment of my work, where nothing is as it seems and everyone (including me) is scheming with their own personal angle. Being naïve, straightforward, happy and harmless in this environment feels like bringing a knife to a gunfight. It seems like everyone is misrepresenting the work they are doing and the level of expertise they have, and it feels like doing the same puts me at odds with being happy and harmless. I’m resentful that it is this way and I resent other people essentially doing the same thing I am doing. VINEETO: Hi Adam, Ha, the way you describe it, being “someone important” is out of the question because you can’t even find your footing in this environment which is supposedly about your “safety/ security”. ADAM-H: Is it just a case of needing some ‘nerves of steel’ to make unilateral change, be happy and harmless, let the chips fall where they may? VINEETO: I see you are still deep into worrying, as if that gives your life the meaning you are looking for. I found a conversation we had in April this year which is still applicable –
If it worked before, why not now? You don’t need “nerves of steel” to get back to feeling good, do you? Moreover, you don’t need to make your ‘self’ perfect, even if everyone else is hypocritically doing that. Your aim is to be happy and harmless, i.e. to channel all the affective energy into the least ‘self’-enhancing feelings so that you can even more enjoy and appreciate being here. The already existing actual world is already perfect, as is your flesh-and-blood body (without the alien entity stuffing it up). You only need to get out of way – whenever you notice you are in the way of the already existing perfection – and enjoy being here. Knowing this you do not have to follow all the bad examples others are giving you and/or competing with them for supremacy – it is plain silly. ADAM-H: In terms of my “modes of failure” way of
thinking about it, I’m definitely more on the “won’t” side than the “can’t” side. It does
seem totally possible, but I am scared to do it because I don’t know if it will work out. But talking through it,
it does seem like it’s eventually going to be what I need to do. VINEETO: Ok, knowing that fear is preventing you from getting back to being happy and harmless – your life’s aim – then you can cast it aside, decline going down that futile alley, including all the worries you create out of that fear – and get on with feeling good and enjoying being here. It’s just a matter when you realize that enough worry and fear is enough because it doesn’t lead anywhere. In the end nobody is stopping you but yourself. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: If it worked before, why not now? You don’t need “nerves of steel” to get back to feeling good, do you? ADAM-H: Sometimes it seems like I need nerves of steel to move from worrying to enjoying. Enjoying life can seem like a very fearless and bold choice when I am in the grip of worry. Is that different from what your experience was? Perhaps it’s not the actual choice to enjoy that takes nerves of steel, but the willingness to drop the objections first can? VINEETO: Hi Adam, If you need to ‘will’ yourself to enjoying life then you have probably taken on an ‘actualist morality’ that you should be enjoying instead of worrying, and therefore need to power yourself up with “nerves of steel” to “drop the objections”. This is splitting yourself into two, and the two aspects are fighting against each other. Whereas when you can see how silly it is to worry – because worrying does nothing whatsoever to get an event changed, worrying only makes the situation look more complicated it is – then you can quickly go back to feeling good and look at the situation in a more confident and unemotional way. I sent you this quote before, though without the footnote –
And this is what it looks like in practice –
* VINEETO: Ok, knowing that fear is preventing you from getting back to being happy and harmless – your life’s aim – then you can cast it aside, decline going down that futile alley, including all the worries you create out of that fear – and get on with feeling good and enjoying being here. It’s just a matter when you realize that enough worry and fear is enough because it doesn’t lead anywhere. In the end nobody is stopping you but yourself. ADAM-H: Yes, it’s starting to become clear to me that this is true. It’s something that is squarely within my power to do, and I have started getting some renewed determination to proceed in spite of the fear. I’ve been rereading Peter’s journal over the last couple of days and I enjoy hearing about the way his potent motivation came about – “nothing left to lose”. It does feel like being a different person when I do this, and I don’t know how things will
change as a result, but I am also clearly aware that I don’t want to maintain a status quo that includes as an
integral piece a backdrop of worry and anxiety. VINEETO: Good. When you sit back and contemplate your life’s aim from the perspective of feeling good, then you know that “things will change” because you want them to change, else you would have decided to remain as you are. Fear, or rather thrill (when one no longer tries to fight off/repress the fear) is par for the course when embarking on a journey as a pioneer of implementing a brand-new way of human consciousness – one which can, with persistence and pure intent, deliver peace-on-earth and the meaning of life. In a Direct Route correspondence Peter describes his experiences with fear and thrill in a broad perspective on his path to an actual freedom –
Cheers Vineeto
ADAM-H: Thanks for the response Vineeto, I’m being very persistent with this, because I’m hoping that I can find a more consistently repeatable way of getting back to feeling good. Usually I can get back to feeling good, but sometimes I still get stuck into a worry that I only get out of via waiting it out, sleeping it off, or getting distracted somehow. I think that’s where I am now, I’m not really worrying anymore, but it’s really only because enough time passed and the feeling ran out of juice. VINEETO: Hi Adam, That’s the usual way to deal with unpleasant feelings – “via waiting it out, sleeping it off, or getting distracted somehow”. But as you say, it’s not reliable and certainly is wasting a lot of time which you could spend enjoying and appreciating. * VINEETO: If you need to ‘will’ yourself to enjoying life then you have probably taken on an ‘actualist morality’ that you should be enjoying instead of worrying, and therefore need to power yourself up with “nerves of steel” to “drop the objections”. This is splitting yourself into two, and the two aspects are fighting against each other. Whereas when you can see how silly it is to worry – because worrying does nothing whatsoever to get an event changed, worrying only makes the situation look more complicated it is – then you can quickly go back to feeling good and look at the situation in a more confident and unemotional way. ADAM-H: The place where I got stuck with this last round of worrying was that I could intellectually see the silliness of worrying but it was still present. Attempts to ‘feel’ the silliness did seem to take a more forceful will so didn’t really get anywhere. Trying to recognize that ‘I am my feelings’ and it was my choice how to feel and simply decline to keep feeling bad also felt like forcing. VINEETO: Generally, it’s a matter of employing your intelligence to see the silliness of feeling bad once you notice that there is a diminishment in feeling good. Then first you get back to feeling good before you look at what triggered it. Did you take note that I pointed to a possible ‘actualist morality’ which has the result of two aspects of ‘you’ fighting against each other? Any ‘investigation’ when in the grip of contaminating emotions is fruitless, hence getting back to feeling good first is paramount. Here are the two extra footnotes next to the word “silliness” in the description of
the actualism method
And here is a third footnote at the end of that paragraph – “Once the specific moment of ceasing to feel good is pin-pointed, and the silliness of having such an incident as that (no matter what it is) take away one’s enjoyment and appreciation of this only moment of being alive is seen for what it is” –
Chrono posted a field-tested pro-tip only four days ago (did you see it?) –
When you get back to feeling good – with the benefit to be able to think more clearly – you can then look at what triggered the recent period of worry. For instance – as a line of investigation – here is what you wrote eight days ago –
What stands out is you were surmising that when you are successfully feeling good “this would automatically lead in the direction of letting go of the controls” with a reaction of doubt (and fear) regarding your “safety and security (mostly in terms of job/financial stability)”. As such it would appear that feeling worried on an ongoing basis is deemed safer to ‘you’ than being happy and harmless. The trouble with having an intellectual/ imaginary plan drawn from descriptions of other actualists shortly before the pivotal event occurred without being fully informed. “Letting go of the controls” only happens when one has gained sufficient experiential insight and confidence by being unconditionally happy and harmless for most of the day, i.e. having levelled up one’s baseline from feeling good to feeling happy and harmless to being naïve and feeling excellent on a daily basis. Based on such personal experience one day one can accede that the ‘controller’ is no longer required. It will happen neither “automatically” nor inadvertently, and certainly only via the dynamically enabled pure intent which pulls you forward to go all the way. Hence your presuming of “this would automatically lead in the direction of” is pure conjecture at this point. ADAM-H: Attempts to investigate the feeling in order to ‘organically’ recognize the silliness didn’t seem to work because I was just going in circles, due to being in the grip of worry none of that investigation led anywhere. It just seemed like nothing I could do, no direction I could go in was really lessening the
worry. I understand both from experience and reading that when there is a heartfelt genuine recognition of the
silliness/futility of worry that I get back to feeling good without forcing and without effort. I don’t think I
understand how to repeatably/ consistently induce that heartfelt recognition, instead I find that sometimes I can get
there and sometimes I can’t. VINEETO: Richard generally suggests to see the silliness (as a matter of common
sense). When I searched the website I found he used the expression “to feel the silliness” only
once, when James reported he had no success in seeing the silliness
I don’t advise to “repeatably/ consistently induce that heartfelt recognition” because Richard only suggested “to feel the silliness of feeling bad” “at this point”, as a one-off measure, so to speak, when point (1) and (2) below prevent one from getting back to feeling good. It’s only when intelligence is temporarily so impaired by strong feelings that one cannot grasp the common sense of seeing the silliness of feeling bad that he suggested “to feel the silliness of feeling bad”. Viz.:
Feeling being ‘Vineeto’ sometimes exaggerated a bad feeling until it felt so obviously ridiculous to continue to be that way. However, as you observed in previous posts, it is ultimately a matter of intent – do I want
to be happy and harmless or not? Do I want to be a friend to myself – “actually want what’s best for yourself, meaning you won’t let
yourself ruin your own day”? Cheers Vineeto
ADAM-H: I’ve been writing a response to this post, and it was getting a bit long and repetitive, so I’m trying to distill it down a bit instead of responding point by point, but rest assured I have read every word of your post and thank you for continuing to talk me through it Vineeto. Also FWIW, those footnotes around seeing the silliness are some of the parts of the AFT site that I have reread the most out of any content because I grasp how important they are. Basically, what I am hearing is that getting back to feeling good should come from a simple and clear moment of common sense evaluation of the silliness of feeling bad. Trying to force myself towards feeling good is counterproductive, thinking through the bad feeling while it is still present is counterproductive. In the past when my attempt to see the silliness of a bad feeling does not lead automatically
back to feeling good, I often try to go down one of those two paths which maybe only makes things harder. Perhaps the
key for me next time I am feeling bad is to try to patiently see the silliness while specifically avoiding those
things I understand to be counterproductive, even if it means doing nothing and sitting on my hands until the
silliness of feeling bad becomes more clear? VINEETO: Hi Adam, What is vital for your seeing the silliness of being sad, worried, angry or being tempted by the lure of ‘good feelings’ is to remember and comprehend that your aim and intent is to be enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive, the only moment you can dynamically experience – in other words something entirely new to human experience. Of course you will find obstacles that are not easy to overcome, else an actual freedom would have been discovered centuries ago. Perhaps this correspondence on the Direct Route can give you some idea of the scope how ‘not normal’ your intent to be happy and harmless really is –
ADAM-H: I’ve been continuing to think about this a bit, and I’m
wondering if ‘neither expressing nor repressing’ is effectively what I have stumbled into with this. I’ve never
quite thought about it this way, but is neither expressing nor repressing effectively the “actualization”
of the “realization” that feeling bad is silly? VINEETO: The suggestion of getting back to feeling good first is to give you a chance of sorting out more sensibly, without being clouded by a range of affective feelings, what triggered (i.e. started) the diminishment of feeling good.
Once you can think more clearly and identify the trigger that got you “stuck into a worry”, you can determine if it is suitable to either nip this feeling in the bud – if it turns out to be habit you already have well explored – or if you need to look deeper for a particular pattern, concept, belief or hoped-for reward. When you identify a specific feeling, then you use this feature of the actualism method of
neither expressing nor repressing both the good *and* bad affective feelings so that the third alternative may
hove into view. You can find various descriptions how to deal with fear in the Selected Correspondence Cheers Vineeto
ADAM-H: Thanks for sticking with me Vineeto. I think the answer that I am finding after all this is that “I” was trying to see the silliness of something other than “me”. Like I am trying to very subtly change the target away from what “I” am doing/being, which means that everything that builds on top of that fails. I was doing it in a very subtle way and using all the right words and terminology with myself, but somehow it was all pointed outwards still. It was pointing towards thoughts and feelings instead of towards myself. Just telling myself “I am my feelings and my feelings are me” doesn’t do anything of course… I have to actually direct it towards “me”. It’s not genuine confusion about the method that gets me there, it’s just that “I” am always looking for clever ways to subtly get out of the spotlight and perform some version of the method that is changing something other than myself. I have success → I grasp the success as my achievement → I try to reproduce the
success from the plan that I have developed for how I deal with feelings → this plan is what makes me superior
to everyone. VINEETO: Hi Adam, That’s a good observation of the identity in action. Now, that you discovered (one of) your cunning ways, which derail your enjoyment and appreciation of this moment of being alive, and before you further generalize what you “always” do “to subtly get out of the spotlight” – the immediate question is what are you going to do in the present situation? What is the possible actualisation of this realisation? Has this realisation enabled you to get back to feeling good and drop the prolonged action of worrying? Here are two hints, which proved successful for the persons concerned – the first I sent to
you on 26 June 2026
The second is a message from Kuba sent yesterday –
They both refer to what is spelt out in the first sentence in Richard’s article “This Moment of
Being Alive” Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: Now, that you discovered (one of) your cunning ways, which have derailed your enjoyment and appreciation of this moment of being alive, and before you further generalize what you “always” do “to subtly get out of the spotlight” – the immediate question is what are you going to do in the present situation? What is the possible actualisation of this realisation? Has this realisation enabled you to get back to feeling good and drop the prolonged action of worrying? ADAM-H: It has enabled me too yes. I noticed today during my lunch break at work that my mind was very clear and enjoying my surroundings while going for a walk came effortlessly, where recently I’d been repeatedly returning to worrying about various problems and challenges. Unlike my previous attempts to stop worrying, this feeling good went ‘all the way down’ instead of a pseudo-feeling good sitting on top of a layer of uneasiness. In this case the key was that since I am looking at how I am ‘being’ instead of targeting ‘feelings’ as something outside of “me” the potential reward was much higher. Basically the ‘upside’ of not worrying was much higher because it was a holistic genuine feeling good that was on the table. The ‘this is my only moment’ was higher stakes since there was something more valuable I was aiming at. VINEETO: Hi Adam, That is good to hear. When weighing up the “potential reward” of “not worrying” versus the downside of worrying this assessment only ‘tipped the scale’ after you discovered the faux ‘feeling good’, manufactured by the identity, which was not “something more valuable” compared to keeping up the worry. That in itself can give you the vital clue next time around. To put it differently, the actualism method is to activate the intent outside of ‘you’, the identity, via the realisation, if not via experience, that ‘this is my only moment of being alive’, and then your cost-reward equation makes sense – nothing, but nothing, is worth wasting this precious moment of being alive.
ADAM-H: I think that the non-genuine feeling good I was targeting
previously was also harder to reconcile with doing my job well, whereas the genuine feeling good didn’t seem in
conflict, which is something I am going to keep looking at going forward. VINEETO: Good. That will also give you the clue to recognizing a ‘so-so feeling good’ as being not genuine should it ever occur again. Can you see now that when genuinely feeling good even handling the challenges in your job, and in life in general, will be fun to master with the ongoing awareness/ remembrance that now is my only moment of being alive? Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: That is good to hear. When weighing up the “potential reward” of “not worrying” versus the downside of worrying this assessment only ‘tipped the scale’ after you discovered the faux ‘feeling good’, manufactured by the identity, which was not “something more valuable” compared to keeping up the worry. That in itself can give you the vital clue next time around. To put it differently, the actualism method is to activate the intent outside of ‘you’, the identity, via the realisation, if not via experience, that ‘this is my only moment of being alive’, and then your cost-reward equation makes sense – nothing, but nothing, is worth wasting this precious moment of being alive. ADAM-H: I’ve spent some time thinking about this, so let me know if I’ve got it right. The faux feeling good – which in this case was manufactured by an faux-actualist morality – is very different from real feeling good. Real feeling good is inherently self-diminishing, for me to simply enjoy being here is a ‘concession’ on my part. Normally I want to frame things such that I am responsible for what is good and the outside world is responsible for what’s bad. This plays out when I think of actualism practice as something that separates me and puts me ‘above’ others as I’ve talked about before. Experientially it’s all quite opposite to enjoying being here, naiveté, sincerity etc. VINEETO: Hi Adam, That’s right. It might be easier to call the “faux feeling good” a ‘good’ feeling, one that gives ‘you’ credit for being virtuous and superior to others. It’s indeed just as much in the way of “enjoying being here, naiveté, sincerity”. Now that you uncovered this particular ‘bubble’, it will be easier to be in a good mood, sincere and naïve. ADAM-H: So that real feeling good comes from an intent outside of me – the intent being the essential character of the universe, its benignity. That intent is something I ‘concede’ to when I genuinely enjoy being here, enjoy the world instead of laude myself in how I have risen above it in some way. VINEETO: Once you discover and experientially confirm that genuinely feeling good is eminently enjoyable, is it still a ‘concession’ to give up the self-congratulatory feeling, which is in the way of experiencing the benignity and benevolence of feeling good/ feeling excellent? Rather than being a reluctant sacrifice (“concede”), wouldn’t you agree that it is simply common sense to do so. Else you might be tempted to feel virtuous for having ‘conceded’. * VINEETO: The fact of this being my only moment of being alive raises the stakes in that
this is my only opportunity to concede to the essential character of the universe. I have been experiencing this as a
draw, and the point about ‘something outside myself’ is something that I am no longer putting off as ‘too
advanced’, right now it feels more like a necessity to proceeding in the right direction. ADAM-H: I have been seeing this yes, although it is largely due to ensuring that my ‘target’ in my actualism practice is truly me, how I am being. Me and my feelings is more clearly a ‘parallel’ process to doing my job. I might feel this or that way about it but I ultimately end up doing mostly the same things. I think before I was putting the ‘target’ of my practice subtly on things that were closer to behaviours and appearances (including thoughts) that seemed opposed to actualism. VINEETO: Isn’t being stressed or worried in your job not as equally “opposed to actualism”, i.e. opposed to enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive? Actualism works best in the marketplace and that means in every area of your daily life. For instance, Chrono wrote in his post yesterday–
Isn’t your aim to be in a good mood throughout the day, and become aware of any obstacle to that aim? It is possible. ADAM-H: For example, by letting it guide me towards a goal of
thinking less about my work, having ‘boundaries’ about my job because that would be more actualist as opposed to
working too hard etc. Not to say that I don’t presently have any boundaries about my work, just that it’s clear to
me I can be happy and harmless and do whatever is appropriate to the situation without setting up a new moral about it
to counter my old set of morals about working hard I picked up as a kid. VINEETO: You seem to have made it more complicated and hard work by having set up boundaries and invented rules and moralities which are simply not there. It’s good to become aware of it. What will effectively “counter” the “old set of morals” is pure intent (that which is outside of ‘you’) –
Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: Once you discover and experientially confirm that genuinely feeling good is eminently enjoyable, is it still a ‘concession’ to give up the self-congratulatory feeling, which is in the way of experiencing the benignity and benevolence of feeling good/ feeling excellent? Rather than being a reluctant sacrifice (“concede”), wouldn’t you agree that it is simply common sense to do so. Else you might be tempted to feel virtuous for having ‘conceded’. ADAM-H: Yes, if it feels reluctant then I am probably ‘splitting’ myself again. The thing that I am ‘conceding’ ultimately is that the enjoyment, benevolence, and benignity is something I don’t get to take credit for. VINEETO: Hi Adam, Indeed, you are splitting yourself into what you instinctually want – being ‘special’ in order to be admired (as you detailed below) and being able to effortlessly experience “enjoyment, benevolence, and benignity” when ‘I’ agree to diminishing ‘my’ dominance. Are you able to remember a PCE where it is unequivocally obvious that when there is no identity at all (because ‘I’ am in abeyance) life is perfect, pure and magical? If you could, it would make it much easier to choosing the Third Alternative when in doubt –
ADAM-H: At the moment, I don’t feel reluctant about it, because it is clearly the only thing that can deliver lasting peace and enjoyment. The fact that it is not something I can take credit for is proving to be a relief when I allow it. I think because it isn’t something I have to sustain with effort, and it isn’t something that separates me with others but actually encourages me to be interested in having fun with them. VINEETO: The intent for “lasting peace and enjoyment” coupled with the insight that “it is not something I can take credit for” is something worth remembering each time you find yourself drawn to be something ‘special’. * VINEETO: Isn’t your aim to be in a good mood throughout the day, and become aware of any obstacle to that aim? It is possible. ADAM-H: Yes, this is certainly what I am going for. My aims in the recent past were contaminated with the desire to be a ‘good actualist’, which is just another way of desiring status and recognition etc. It’s not that I am lowering my sights, just refining my intent and approach to be the actualism method instead of an actualist morality. I’ve been reflecting on what you wrote a few messages back:
It has been good to reflect on the sincerity of my intent. The enormity of aiming for actually and enjoying life as it is and people as they are is really hitting me. It is clear to me that for years my intent has been mixed with the desire to be someone who enjoys and appreciates life as it is, because of how incredible that achievement is and how great that would make me. It would make me great to actualists sure, but also to non-actualists for surely they will sense how special I am! Maybe only 20% of my effort over all this time has actually gone to genuinely enjoying life as it is for its own sake and as its own reward. Over the weekend I experienced a very clear example of this playing out: I was hanging out with some not-so-close friends watching the world cup, feeling genuinely happy and harmless and having a good time. Conversation was flowing freely and intimately, and I was being a much better than normal party guest. It started creeping into the back of my mind that ‘I had done it’ I had finally figured it out and I was able to be effortlessly intimate with people I didn’t know well. The experience itself was lovely but even more important to me was that now I was finally well on the way to becoming this ‘special person’ who would get all the recognition I had longed for. VINEETO: You recognised, didn’t you, that at that moment where ‘you’ took credit to be a “special person” being “effortlessly intimate with people” the “intimate lovely atmosphere” ceased being effortless and became synthetic and ‘self’-centric? ADAM-H: Someone made a joke to me and looked at me in the eyes, and I was suddenly taken aback, because it was clear to me that they were seeing me as just like them, we were intimate and communicating as equals. This is not what I wanted it turned out! I would only be satisfied if they were admiring me, my jokes, my way of being etc. The intimate lovely atmosphere was broken then, and although I laughed to keep up appearances I was suddenly self-conscious again and gradually withdrew and stopped interacting as actively. Over the next 30 minutes or so the importance of what I had lost dawned on me, and it was so clear in that moment that there’s really no way to have my cake and eat it too. If I want that spontaneity, carefreeness, and intimacy, I simply can’t harbour my ‘dreams of greatness.’ I can’t practice to be ‘above’ others, if anything I am practicing to be ‘equal’ to others. VINEETO: Good to recognize clearly, as an irrefutable fact, that “there’s
really no way to have my cake and eat it too” – as such you cannot ‘practice’ to “be
equal to others”, you can only get out of the way wanting to be superior, ‘special’, admired, simply by seeing how silly that is.
Here is something I quoted to Chrono recently
ADAM-H: It was also clear that I really don’t want to be
above others, I want that equity and intimacy even though it is scary in a way. It’s not a morality telling me that
I should be aiming for equity and intimacy, it’s just clear seeing that it is what I actually want. VINEETO: Excellent – and the way to be that is to allow more and more naiveté to come to the fore (which is the “scary” bit at first). One you get the knack and experience how well it works and how much you enjoy being naïve, you’ll allow it more and more. Cheers Vineeto
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