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(List D refers to Richard’s List D
Vineeto’s Correspondence with Claudiu Discuss Actualism Forum
CLAUDIU: A major thing is seeing a deeply ingrained and conditioned habit of avoidance I have. I came to see its habitual, a fear of anything unfamiliar or not already unknown. But then I ask myself (hoving closer to actuality) is anything actually wrong happening? And I see that no, although it’s unfamiliar and I am afraid, nothing is actually wrong. So then I allow it to continue as I see it is safe. This does wonders in that I think this is also the key mechanism underlying procrastination. Now instead of procrastinating I just do something, even if I may not know exact outcome. And it just makes all so much easier and so far working out brilliantly. The other thing is after a short while of doing this with regard to
self-immolating via allowing it to happen, the unfamiliar feeling goes away! Because what I am experiencing becomes
increasingly familiar haha. Because now it’s been experienced for a while. So now I can be as close as I was
before while feeling a fear of unfamiliarity, but now it’s increasingly familiar and experienced as safe! VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, Ah, the mystery is solved now. I was always wondering what this habit of yours might be that you hover on the edge but then prevent yourself from proceeding only to come back again and again to the same point. Of course it’s the all too common “fear of anything unfamiliar”, ‘Vineeto’ had it in spades. And it is a habit, hence, once pinpointed, it can be discarded – there is nothing further to investigate. It is indeed “the key mechanism underlying procrastination”. Kuba ‘solved’ this by dreaming about it, three times(!) for good measure and you are getting “increasingly familiar”, well done. Firmly locked into the utter safety of being the experience of this infinite and eternal universe as a flesh-and-blood body is indeed the safest you can be. Or as Richard put it, better than I can ever express it –
Cheers Vineeto
CLAUDIU: The other thing is I think I figured out a really key part of how to successfully self-immolate. If I approach it as ‘me’ ending, then there comes a point where it just feels impossible to proceed because I have myself firmly in mind and I can’t see what would happen next. So it is a dead end. But if I approach it more as me going “into the universe” or “more in the direction of the universe” (i.e. the one that actually exists) then the path is clear, especially when being receptive and aware of pure intent, the purity comes into perception and there’s a clear experience of getting closer to the actual world — and no limit in sight, just a matter of going further, getting used to it (as in the previous post), then further etc., and seems to be just a matter of doing this until it happens. Delightful questions also start to pop up like “wait actuality is already always here
(experienced as such) so how can I be going ‘into’ that which is already there? Where am I coming from such as to
go ‘into’ that? This place I’m coming from cannot actually exist can it…”, delicious to contemplate and
certainly a good sign in my book! KUBA: Hmm this is interesting because I have also been contemplating on those 2 modes.
One is to set ‘my’ sights on allowing perfection and purity more and more until ‘I’ disappear. I have been leaning towards the second one and it seems you are leaning towards the first one. KUBA: Funnily enough I had this exact thought happen when I had that PCE today. I saw that this body exists where time has no duration and there was this utter safety to this. I thought well why can’t I just remain here when this is all that genuinely exists. And yet this is the point that I am trying to make, that unless ‘I’ make the decision to
disappear completely then there will always be ‘something’ to come back to. KUBA: That is to say there will be an aspect of the unknown, of not being able to possibly go any further. That last bit to be bridged can only be done by ‘my’ extinction. It reminds me of Srinath’s report of becoming free. That he was as if Moses looking at the promised land and yet being forbidden from entry. This is exactly how I find it, that no matter how closely ‘I’ creep up to actuality, ‘I’
am still forbidden entry and this will never change. CLAUDIU: So too similarly with self-immolation — I go towards actuality with the intent of ending ‘me’, that it will be ‘my’ demise, a permanent ending of ‘me’ instead of temporarily. But practically it is a seamless transition between two worlds — brought about by being willing to go into that sweetness / giving myself up for that sweetness (to combine from a few reports of people succeeding). Indeed ‘me’ going into actuality doesn’t make sense. But “going into the direction of
actuality” seems to experientially work. VINEETO: Hi Kuba and Claudiu, What a delightful interaction to read this morning. The way I see it from the observer’s perspective, you both have made the decision to ‘self’-immolate a long time ago, when you both went out from under control. The only decision left, if you have any say in the matter given to have allowed the universe to live you, is *when*. Asking ‘how’ is inviting the ‘doer’ back into the picture and the ‘doer’ has no answers but to whole-heartedly and joyfully acquiesce to the long-awaited blessed oblivion. As Kuba stated, PCEs happen when ‘I’ am naïve enough to allow them to happen, and the same
is the case for ‘self’-immolation. ‘Vineeto’s’ experience was that when ‘she’ determined that now, this
very evening, was the best time because of the circumstances, all that was left ‘to do’ was a gay abandon to have
the time of ‘her’ life in utterly enjoying being here, with fun and frivolity and, of course, the very
appreciation of it all. To explain, you both have already decided *that* it is going to happen, and once you determined *when*, then there is nothing else to do but to party. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO (to Jon): You say that “pure intent is utterly unhuman” because
it is not in your human experience. But the word “intent” in this phrase is the feeling being’s sincere
intent to bring about the purity one has experienced (if you could only remember it) at least one time in one’s
life. The purity is of the actual world, the intent is from the feeling being wanting to (eventually) live in the
actual world. KUBA: Oh wow what a brilliant way to describe it, I now get it completely! That is why pure
intent is one’s active connection to actuality, because it comprises both the ‘human’ aspect which is the
intent and the aspect of purity which is outside of ‘humanity’. And naïveté is where ‘I’ can keep this
connection readily open. CLAUDIU: It’s funny actually cause I understood it a very different way I understood that the term “pure intent” has been reserved specifically just for that which is actual, i.e. having nothing to do with ‘me’ and ‘my’ doings – and “intent” refers to the agency-aspect of actuality, viz.:
In other words, the “intent” of “pure intent” is that which “must be outside of the human condition” – i.e. not from a “feeling being wanting to (eventually) live in the actual world”, whose intent would of course be inside of the human condition. As I understand, the entire AFT site was searched for the word “pure intent” and it was replaced instead with “sincere intent” or “naive intent” where it was referring to a feeling-being’s intent, for clarity of communication and to maintain “pure intent” as strictly that which is actual, i.e. “a genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity, which originates in the perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe”. And it’s particularly relevant in the context of something like Richard writing that
“to be actually free from the human condition is to be that pure intent … as in, to be that benevolence and
benignity as a flesh-and-blood body only” It being something that is strictly actual seems odd and weird at first as feeling-beings can and do experience it, but that is how it can serve as a connection between one’s naiveté and the actual world. And the agency-aspect being strictly actual as well is odd since ‘I’ as a feeling-being can clearly intend to and have agency to go towards the actual world. But it somehow works out to use it this way anyway haha. It is strange because pure intent is both the connection (that is actual) and all that one is when actually free (which is also actual). But of course when actually free there’s no connection anymore because the feeling-being has totally self-immolated. But it’s still pure intent… and there it seems to be somewhat synonymous to the purity of the actual world. Maybe I can put it like this: what pure intent is, is the purity of the actual world as manifest via a flesh-and-blood human body being apperceptively conscious. This purity-as-human-consciousness is all that one is when fully actually free. Further, as all that actually exists anyway are flesh-and-blood bodies being conscious, and this is happening whether a given flesh-and-blood body is actually free or not, this purity-as-consciousness exists and is happening even whilst a body is being parasitically inhabited by a feeling-being. As such, that feeling-being can allow that purity-as-consciousness to increasingly enter their sensorium, which serves as a guiding light to allow that feeling-being to increasingly let themselves let go of the reins, to experience that purity-as-consciousness more and more via increasing gradiations up to an excellence experience, then the temporary abeyance of a pure consciousness experience, and eventually a total and permanent self-immolation to allow that purity-as-consciousness to fully flourish and experience itself as that purity in and of itself, in other words to be the universe experiencing itself as a flesh-and-blood human body. In other words: a quality of the actual universe is its purity. This purity is everywhere all-at-once. This purity manifests as purity-as-consciousness in a flesh-and-blood body being conscious. As such purity-as-consciousness can always be tapped into, and there is the experience of it being everywhere all-at-once – but what is everywhere all-at-once is, strictly speaking, the purity of actuality itself, not the purity-as-consciousness (which a flesh and blood body is basically experiencing only their own (with caveats that a ‘common consciousness’ appears to be possible)), but the purity-as-consciousness is essentially the same as the purity as it is that purity manifesting in a particular way – as consciousness, rather than say a perfectly hanging dew drop at the end of a leaf or a river perfectly flowing along its well-weathered contours. Nothing within the human condition can ever be this purity-as-consciousness, as the human condition is not actual – but the human condition is set up to allow a feeling-being to experience it. They can and must have a sincere and naive intent to allow it to happen, and once they do they can experience this purity-as-consciousness as well. As such this naive intent is intimately related with the purity-as-consciousness, and enables it to be experienced (it is always happening but not always experienced), but it is not the same category of thing. The questions that remain then are whether “pure intent” is being used in some cases
to refer to the purity of actuality itself or the purity-as-consciousness in particular… e.g. is it [Purity-as-consciousness] is a manifest life-force; a genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity that originates in the perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe. or: [The purity of actuality] is a manifest life-force; a genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity that originates in the perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe. The latter reads more like it is a property of this universe itself, manifest as all the matter in the universe, the very rivers and trees as well, which sounds correct as how else could humans have evolved and gotten to where they are without it? The former is reading more about this purity for flesh-and-blood human bodies in particular, which is more directly relevant for becoming free, but more specific – yet it too would be originating in the “perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe”. What do you think Vineeto? I would say it is vital to have the terminology be accurate here, and maybe something should be changed of how we use the words, but at the end of the day, maybe not. Cheers, VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, You are 100% correct – what I described to Jon was sincere intent. Cheers Vineeto
CLAUDIU: What do you think @Vineeto? I would say it is vital to
have the terminology be accurate here, and maybe something should be changed of how we use the words, but at the end
of the day, maybe not. VINEETO: Thank you again Claudiu, I much appreciate you responded with your very appropriate correction so quickly and at such length and with multiple quotes, and I am amazed how quickly you had all this at your fingertips. Again, I very much appreciate your attention to the purity and accuracy of exact terminology on such an central issue as pure intent. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: To explain, you both have already decided that it is going to
happen, and once you determined when, then there is nothing else to do but to party. CLAUDIU: Well, I thought maybe it would be a good idea to follow Vineeto’s advice here as actual advice being given. So I thought today would be a perfect day to self-immolate, during an outing riding bikes. I did not succeed, but I did clear a lot of the way forward. Firstly when I made the decision to do it, came a now-familiar feeling of fear, which indicated to me I was going further into little-explored territory, so it was sincere, which is why it was effective. One huge thing that happened, basically of worldview-shattering proportions, was that I was able to see how actually rotten not only the ideal of ‘fairness’ is, but any ideal at all! It happened that I was feeling upset about how a conversation earlier in the day went. I thought it was unfair that when I act a certain way, the other person gets upset at me, but then they act that exact same way towards me. It was basically ‘unfair’, in that they wanted me to act a certain way without doing it themselves! For the ideal of fairness, this is an injustice, and justice might be served, which would be served by some appropriately-chosen retributive punishment. But I did not want to serve this retribution because I knew it would just hurt the other person, and then they may very well hurt me back, and on a terrible cycle would go. But that then fed back into the unfairness because the other person would very much serve the retribution in the same situation! I thought back to the insight about how I will actually just die one day, forever, and I saw it
really didn’t matter what a person said or did on this day in the grand scheme. It hit deeper than this though, I
saw that the very person ‘I’ am that has this ability to be affected this way, there is something
wrong with this, this ‘identity’ that ‘I’ am being is what is at fault (and not the emotional reaction per
se). VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, What a great descriptive and identity-shattering post, it is truly amazing what you uncover about the human condition at its core. Fairness is one of the few ideals which appeals to almost everyone (mainly in that they want to be treated fairly). It wasn’t easy for ‘Vineeto’ to abandon it, because at first sight it seems so sensible. Soon, however ‘she’ could understand that righteous anger was just as much part of the feeling/ideal of fairness as was the wish to treat everyone/be treated fairly and justly. Here Richard talks about the humanitarian ideals and principles, deeply imbedded in Western culture –
And yet humanitarian ideals also have an aspect as an actuality, perhaps this is why their principles have such a tenacious grip –
CLAUDIU: Ok that was one thing – the next is I saw that I was very insecure! I was afraid of doing it wrong, of being shown to not be competent. And then I saw the temptation to flip from insecurity to overconfidence – to going from assuming I am “doing it wrong” to assuming I am doing everything ‘right’, a blanket statement about ‘me’ (‘me’ inferior → ‘me’ superior). But both of these are utterly silly. It is sensible, rather, to take it on a case by case basis. For example I know a lot about programming and very little about embroidery. It would be silly to be confident about my embroidery skills, but sensible to be so about programming. And with succeeding with self-immolation, I’m clearly very much on the right track! VINEETO: ‘I’ can only exist in a dichotomy, swinging from ‘right’ to ‘wrong’ and from superior to inferior and none of these have any basis in actuality. ‘Right’ according to what? Superior compared to whom? What and who is the ultimate arbiter? And yet this is the hold humanity’s morals and ethics have on how each one assesses themselves, isn’t it remarkable? There is only one solution –
CLAUDIU:The third thing then was to see that I was feeling a feeling of ‘dread’ around what will come, about the outcome of self-immolation. This has been in the background, but only labelled as such today. And I just stopped to look at it as I realized it was so weird. All my experiences of what actuality is actually like, none of them have anything occurring in them whatsoever as for it to be sensible to react with ‘dread’ to it! It is all wonderful, pristine, pure, etc. So this feeling of dread is simply not sensible. My emotional reactions are misaligned with what is actual. Actually what it makes sense to dread is continuing to be the human condition with all its mayhem and misery! […] VINEETO: Yep, you are getting really close and it’s no wonder that ‘dread’ will make its appearance because ‘I’ perceive ‘my’ extinction the same as the death of the body (‘I’ have usurped the flesh-and-blood body so totally that one cannot feel a distinction between one and the other). A wondrous tale and very informative for all who endeavour to go all the way. Cheers Vineeto
CLAUDIU: The most crucial part was when I was contemplating on the fact that whatever ‘I’ could do for the world, e.g. if I dedicate my life to philanthropy, or doing good works, or doing this company or that thing – nothing would be as me doing the most I could as self-immolating. There would always be an aspect of it where I am not giving it my all, where it ends up being self-centered for ‘me’, rather than actually for the benefit of the world / of humanity etc. But the most I can do, the very best I can do, is to self-immolate! VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, Ha you got it in one – the very best ‘you’ can do to benefit both the flesh-and-blood Claudiu and every human being “is to self-immolate”. And the wonderful thing is that you can do all the other activities as well, if you still find it sensible, and thoroughly enjoy it and delight in it as the actually free Claudiu. CLAUDIU: The other thing I resolved delightfully is I started to feel an objection like that I
want to know what it’s like before I do it, and somehow feeling it’s unfair that I can’t. And then I saw it was
silly, because it’s just a fact that I won’t know what it’s like until it happens. The delightful analogy that
came up is that it’s like having sex for the first time, you can read all about it and try to simulate it but you don’t
know what it’s actually like until it happens! And if you wait until knowing what it’s like before you do it you’ll
just always remain a virgin haha. So better to just go for it even if you don’t exactly know what you’re doing at
first. VINEETO: That’s a great analogy. It goes much further than that too. Just contemplate what life would be like if you knew every experience beforehand, you might not even want to be born! What’s the point of having an experience if you know what it is like in detail beforehand? There would be no adventure, no exploration, no naiveté, no interest to do anything because nothing will be new and fresh. Whereas you know from experience, when you are in a PCE or near-PCE then every moment is new, fresh, never happened before.
Cheers Vineeto
CLAUDIU: That’s so utterly delightful. ‘Me’ out of fear and desire for safety, I take
away from this and try to make all familiar, already-known, old, stagnant, stale, so ‘I’ feel safe… and then that
breeds the very resentment ‘I’ have towards being alive! Giving up delight and wonder in exchange for safety that
breeds resentment and is only felt to be safe but actually isn’t … how utterly backwards !! Lol. I am reminded of Geoffrey’s report of becoming free – he spells it all out – (Becoming Free Reports, Geoffrey) Perfect. Cheers Vineeto
CLAUDIU: [...] My experience really was different than usual lately. I experienced it as that I was the senses / the sensate experience was much more immediate. It is also like full-blast wondrous purity was available essentially ‘on demand’, like I would just wonder about it and experience would instantly become more pure and magical. It also seemed very obviously clear that time does not move, that the past doesn’t exist, and it’s always now, and there is no other moment. It also seemed very obviously clear that time does not move, that the past doesn’t exist, and it’s always now, and there is no other moment. This was my experience of it. And, climbing on the rock wall, it was much different than I would usually do it, much easier, I saw and tried stuff that I just wouldn’t have before, and it was all natural and I was just having a blast. However I experienced some uncertainty as to whether I had done it, and it seemed like it was a feeling of self-doubt somehow. I wondered if this was some remnant – I thought that wow, ‘Claudiu’ was really caught up with his identity of self-immolating and succeeding in that, and maybe because it was so habitual I (as actually free Claudiu) was experiencing remnants of it that were not feelings anymore. I couldn’t exactly tell if it was affective or not. But then I realized that I could easily solve the uncertainty, I didn’t have to be uncertain – I could just apply the same contemplation and pure intent towards this topic, and find out what the actual answer is, if I was actually free or not. I thought about describing it all to Vineeto also and realized that Vineeto would not be able to figure it out for me, actually, I had to do it myself – and it just made sense and was so obvious and straightforward. That this was so straightforward made me think that maybe I had really done it, since before I would have gotten more caught up in it. I also realized I had a feeling of having done something ‘wrong’, and I saw that no matter what happened, it wouldn’t be ‘wrong’. Either I did succeed, in which case this is wonderful and these are the things that one tidies up after becoming free, and it’ll be valuable info to share with people. Or I didn’t, in which case I will find that out and learn something. There’s no ‘problem’ actually. The only problem would be if I was trying to fool myself or fool others about it, and I saw that I wasn’t, so there really isn’t any issue either way. I also felt and experienced a deep pang of like “Ahh I just want to have done it already and gotten it over with!!” And I found it so strange. This is not something to ‘get over with’. It is a wondrous journey and path with immense benefits for all involved and affected. I wonder where I had this feeling from, it was a very deep-down one, and probably it is a remnant from my days of intensive vipassana meditation, which indeed was very unpleasant and definitely something to ‘get over with’ (or better yet avoid entirely lol) So it went like this back and forth for a while. The ease and simplicity at which I was addressing everything made me think I succeeded. But the uncertainty, doubts, and confusion kept coming back, each time feeling more familiar, like my usual recent experience of being alive, as a feeling-being. Eventually as I was getting more tired and it was getting later, I got mildly annoyed by what someone did, and I couldn’t deny it any longer haha, I was not actually free. But the remarkable simplicity and naive sincerity remains. Everything just is so increasingly straightforward! And it was almost like a preview of what it would be like – nothing missing whatsoever. Actually the only thing spoiling it was ‘me’, that is me the feeling-being writing this right now, haha. Except for that ‘little’ bit it was all perfect. 
VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, This is a great experience in itself, and you are getting exceedingly confident in venturing into the actual world for the nonce. You are right, I could not have sorted this one out for you and appreciate that you are so meticulous and careful so as to not to fool yourself and others about what is happening. Here might be a clue for you.
To spell it out: Altruism, an instinctual passion for the benefit of every body, can be evoked for a once-in-a-lifetime action to overcome selfism, the generally predominant instinctual survival passion. Being a passion to overcome the imperative passion for survival, it needs to be deeply experienced in order to be activated for ‘self’-immolation. ‘Me’ must fully comprehend the fact that there is no other solution but willingly and gladly giving up ‘my’ existence “for peace-on-earth to be apparent for everybody”. It is to comprehend the fact that all other solutions tried by ‘me’ and other feeling beings have been tried and failed and were merely ‘fiddling while Rome still burns’.
Here is Geoffrey’s report how altruism played a vital part in ‘his’ last moments –
Alternatively, this deep caring about the ubiquitous malice and sorrow of all feeling beings, and wanting to do the only thing one can do about it (i.e. to give all of ‘me’ “for peace-on-earth to be apparent”) can be centred upon a deep caring for one particular person turning into a near-actual intimacy, which with pure intent can change into “a caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster.” Viz.:
I am aware that you care deeply about your fellow human beings, yet this might presently being overlaid by “I also felt and experienced a deep pang of like “Ahh I just want to have done it already and gotten it over with!!” A rare admission of a tenuous yet still cunning ‘me’. Cheers Vineeto
CLAUDIU: Oh there was one part of it that was very strange. Not sure what to make of it. While climbing up a rock wall I experienced it as two “me” being active at the same time. There was the actual me that was climbing up the wall and having a blast and being aware of being the actual me. And then there was this sort of seemingly-faux inchoate identity-me which was wondering about whether it was actual freedom and what happened. It was like two “I” were simultaneously active at the same time. It was a bit jarring and rather strange. But also the experience could smoothly adjust to being one I or the other, depending on what “I” (but which I??) would focus on or go towards. I thought at the time maybe it was how being newly free is experienced and this was the guardian or something, remnants of identity like this. Now I’m not sure what it was, I wasn’t actually free so it definitely wasn’t that. But it wasn’t a PCE because the feeling-being me was apparently there… but I don’t think I was mistaken about the experience of the actual me being apperceptively aware of myself. But I’m not sure how that can be since it wasn’t a PCE. It is very strange and not sure what to make of it, but thought I’d report it and see if Vineeto has any feedback. Either way now that things have normalized the path forward is clear again ! VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, This is fascinating. You can clearly see that “it wasn’t a PCE”. In a PCE ‘I’ am in abeyance, in remission, in suspension, absent, not there at all. Hence you reporting there were “Two ”me“ being active at the same time” cannot be true (because actuality is only experienced in a definite PCE) but most likely rather a clever life-like mirage of your tenuous yet still cunning ‘me’ in order to divert your attention. Ha, it is an indication that the diversion tactics are getting more and more desperate, sailing so close to the wind! See, as a result you went on a short exploration that “maybe it was how being newly free is experienced and this was the guardian or something”, wrote a message on the forum and reported that “things have normalized”, and hence forgot about the very informative “deep pang of like “Ahh I just want to have done it already and gotten it over with!!” For information, at the moment of becoming actually free, the full actual freedom is experienced without any restrictions. Several people have reported this and it is my own experience as well. The shadowy remnants of the social identity only start to conglomerate some time afterwards, eventually forming themselves into a more-or-less solid social identity (aka guardian), usually due to interactions with feeling beings. And yet this diversional contemplation plus your “deep pang” are indicators that ‘me’ is not yet ready to willingly and gladly abdicate the throne – ‘I’ only admit that “I just want to have done it already and gotten it over with!!” That is still short of “all of ‘me’ on board” as I have called it. It is not yet sufficient motivation for decisive and irreversible action. Maybe my previous post will help. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: And yet this diversional contemplation plus your “deep pang” are indicators that ‘me’ is not yet ready to willingly and gladly abdicate the throne – ‘I’ only admit that “I just want to have done it already and gotten it over with!!” That is still short of “all of ‘me’ on board” as I called it. It is not yet sufficient motivation for decisive and irreversible action. CLAUDIU: The repetition was helpful here! I looked into it more and there was indeed more to it, that part of me that admitted that. My initial contemplation that it was silly, was correct, but not that it was resolved, it was not! It was even more cunning than I thought. So, I saw it was not sincere. ‘Me’ castigating or trying to get another part of ‘me’ to self-immolate, is not sincere, because the implicit presumption in that is… that the ‘castigating’ part is superior, and will remain! So it’s not that I just want to self-immolate, it was really (once the cunning is taken out and made explicit) that I want to fool myself into thinking I self-immolated, so that I (the cunning part) can continue existing (albeit an illusory ‘real’ existence, not an actual one) and not be under scrutiny anymore! Very remarkably cunning! VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, Perhaps it would make the (already fruitful) investigation easier, if you don’t split yourself
into parts – cunning, sincere, deceiving, castigating, etc – but see ‘you’ as a whole, as in ‘I’ am (all)
‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feelings are ‘me’. And then there is pure intent, “a palpable life-force; an
actually occurring stream of benevolence and benignity that originates in the vast and utter stillness that is the
essential character of the universe itself. Once set in motion, it is no longer a matter of choice: it is an
irresistible pull’.” ‘I’ will fight for ‘my’ survival as long as ‘I’ exist – until ‘I’ cannot help but giving up ‘my’ ghost, which is only supported by ‘my’ addiction to be ‘me’ –
CLAUDIU: I dug into it more and found a, or maybe the, core part of me, which basically amounts to ‘me’ being ultimately superior! Like I place myself above everyone and everything else, I am the most important thing to myself. Richard was right when he said that ‘I’ am what ‘I’ hold most dear. I don’t think this is even a superiority complex, I think it is just how the human psyche is set up. And now that I let myself feel and see this, I was wondering how to get this part of me fully on board with self-immolating? I couldn’t figure it out. I made a big breakthrough when I was thinking about how it’s a choice, between continuing to be that ‘me’ that feels to be so superior and central to everything, or the purity and perfection, and continuing to be ‘me’ is choosing ‘me’ and rejecting the perfection, and… it just instantly became shockingly funny at how bad a choice that was! Haha. Like “Wow that is a really bad choice”. VINEETO: Ha, that is a great find and yes, this is “how the human psyche is set up”. There is nothing like finding the ridiculousness of a conviction to destroy its credibility. Yet sorting out what is silly and what is sensible cannot be your only tool because ‘I’, “a
lost, lonely, frightened and very, very cunning entity” fighting for ‘my’ survival am able to create
untold amounts of puzzles for ‘me’ to sort out (ask Kuba CLAUDIU: And as I thought it out more, it’s that it would be a bad choice because I so obviously am not perfect, am far from it. This belief that I am superior, is a belief, the facts show otherwise, readily and easily so, with many examples. So I am contemplating on how the purity and perfection of the actual world is far superior to ‘me’. VINEETO: Isn’t it amazing and wonderful how sincere contemplation will reveal the short-comings and trickiness of the instinctual identity compared to the purity of actuality, which you know by experience delivers the longed-for peace-on-earth –
CLAUDIU: And when I saw this I was a bit flummoxed and at a loss, like, how do I proceed if
this part of me I thought was helping is actually hindering? But the answer came soon, which is that I found that when
I minimized and didn’t fuel the insincere part, I found progress happening anyway, continuing to make genuine
progress and sincerely contemplating. In other words, I am drawn to a flame, and this part of ‘me’ I thought I
needed, actually is just hindering now (and maybe always was? or maybe was helpful at some point. not really sure). VINEETO: Ha, ‘Vineeto’ after discovering each of ‘her’ tricks called them “another furphy”, nowadays they are politely called “misinformation”. It’s very useful to find out that your supposed ‘ally’ is actually your opponent in disguise. CLAUDIU: Anyway this is where things are at the moment! VINEETO: I much appreciate your detailed account, which can also be very instructive to plum the depth of cunningness for those who are ready to inquire into their own psyche. Viz:
What a grand adventure! Cheers Vineeto
CLAUDIU: The insight that when I am anxiously fretting and ruminating on how to proceed to self-immolation, is actually me actively preventing and resisting to self-immolation, is bearing fruit and continues to be confirmed as correct. VINEETO: This is excellent and your consequent outstanding experiences confirmed this insight. As I understand the process you described, pure intent was at one point temporarily out of reach “because I had labelled “the anxiety” as something outside of ‘me’” and kept in place by dissociation. By recognizing this you could experience it directly as “just being anxious!” CLAUDIU: (Also it was very helpful to stop thinking of it as parts of me and just own up to the fact that it is all me haha, ty Vineeto). It took some time to accept it as it is such a familiar part of me. But, for example, I could not deny that when I was gathering up the rope after climbing a route, and the world was suddenly seen to be actually drenched in perfection and purity, with unimaginably vibrant colors, the rope slithering perfectly into the bag as the hands deftly manipulate it – that no amount of anxious rumination before that actually led to that, and the anxious rumination happening afterwards was clearly not that, and would not lead back to that. Shortly after the above I wondered, then, what am I to do with all this energy that I am used to using on anxious rumination? And I realized – I could be sensuous! I can use the energy for sensuousness, instead. And so I proceeded to naively be sensuous and I saw that I could always be sensuous, because actuality is already always happening anyway – so sensuousness is always possible to be an ‘activity’ that one does, so to speak. And the benefit was immediately tangible – everything shone into perfect clarity and richness, and it was immensely wondrous and enjoyable to boot! It led to experiencing such a remarkable and out-of-this-world actuality later whilst driving the car during the golden hour shortly before sunset. All of experience, 100% of it, was unimaginably rich and pure. Everything was happening effortlessly and even the slightest motion or adjustment of the steering wheel was a delight to experience. I literally could not believe how pure and rich experience was… and perfect! The words ran through my head “I can’t believe this is real life”. There is no doubt at all that what I am aiming for is a life to be experienced like that, 24/7, every second of every minute of the day. And no doubt that this is eminently achievable – because actuality is already like that. That is what is already happening, so no effort is needed to produce it. It is accessible at any time, 24/7, because that is how the universe is already functioning. So there is no need to ‘wait’ for it to start doing that, or get the conditions ‘right’, because it’s already happening. All I need to do is allow it to happen. [...] As I got more tired driving, the experience ended, and I was thrown into an anxiety stronger than I’ve felt in a long while. I didn’t know what to do – trying to be sensuous at that point, was not working anymore. I saw it was a habit but didn’t know how to stop it. It seemed like I was stuck. I had already recognized earlier that the only actual reliable guiding light that is possible is pure intent. Any relying on ‘me’, on that ruminating me or any other ‘me’, will not work and is not reliable, will not lead me right. But pure intent will. However, pure intent seemed far out of reach, so I was at a loss. I realized the feeling was similar to what I used to call my experience when I was meditating, a particular phase of it that was called “Desire for Deliverance”. […] Once I decontextualized it from some allegedly Noble (but actually Rotten) Spiritual Path, I saw it was a normal human emotion – and that I was already dissociating! Because I had labelled “the anxiety” as something outside of ‘me’ that is happening to ‘me’ that ‘I’ can do nothing about. But really, I was just being anxious! So rather than try to stop “the anxiety” I reflected on the reality that I was being anxious. Then the next obvious question was: what am I feeling anxious about? And I saw that I was feeling anxious about being uncertain about how to continue towards self-immolation. And that the wondrous and amazingly rich, still, perfect, and rock-solid experience of driving, amounted to showing me that I had been doing it wrong the entire time, by conflating me anxiously ruminating with me making genuine progress towards self-immolation, when in fact it was the opposite! Just seeing and accepting this was enough for me to stop spinning in anxiety. VINEETO: One thing is clear from your report in this post that whatever rumination causes anxiety cannot produce a useful guide to self-immolation, it can only lead you away from it. I wonder if there is more to this anxiety than “being uncertain about how to continue towards self-immolation” because this cause for anxiety has now clearly been exposed as a ‘furphy’, a red herring, a strawman. Whereas being anxious about giving up “what ‘I’ hold most dear” is not so easily recognized as silly (even if that were the answer to “what am I feeling anxious about?”) because “what ‘I’ hold most dear” is all ‘I’ consist of, is all that keeps ‘me’ in place, and ‘my’ entire existence depends on being held dear. I know, it sounds tautological because it is. Wouldn’t it be fascinating to inquire what this anxiety is, in and of itself, what is its nature
(not only what it is about)? I’m asking because you can use the very energy of a passionate feeling, seeing it
operating at ‘your’ core, such as fear (when shifting to the thrilling aspect) to catapult you into the third
alternative, permanently. I am not saying it is the way, or the only way, or that it is necessary, because everyone has a different way of arriving here in the actual world. I just noticed that it has been a recurring theme for you in various forms, and why not pull it out at its roots if/when it pops up again. CLAUDIU: With these recent experiences and insights having happened… … onwards! VINEETO: Indeed. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: What I am getting from this is perhaps just as ‘my’ trusted tool of “creating meticulously laid out territory” which got ‘me’ thus far cannot take ‘me’ all the way to self-immolation, in fact it can become a distraction. In the same way ‘Claudiu’s’ trusted tool of resolving things by seeing what is silly and what is sensible has reached it’s limit. Those tools were useful for the ongoing application of the method but they cannot end ‘me’, it seems something deeply experiential is needed in order to end ‘me’. It’s like ‘I’ have to go on this adventure which ultimately only exists in ‘my’ reality and is not actual, but nevertheless the adventure must be had, like Richard wrote the drama must be played out to it’s conclusion. […] By using silly vs sensible / creating meticulously laid out territory ‘I’ can certainly resolve an obstruction to enjoyment and appreciation but ‘I’ will remain. This prospect of ‘me’ going on a grand adventure that ends ‘me’ is quite thrilling
actually! CLAUDIU: Well it’s interesting that this didn’t make it into my earlier report, but I actually had a distinct sense at the time that the sudden anxiety was a reaction to that most stable, pristine, profound and rich PCE that I had ever had. In other words, the anxiety was really about confronting the ending of ‘me’. I think Kuba got it right – I remember thinking precisely that this me that had gotten me up to this point, that, too, will have to go! So the anxiety manifested mostly from the point of view of that part of me, if I could put it that way. But really it is about the ending of ‘me’, as Vineeto said, giving up what ‘I’ hold as most dear. Ever since that profound and remarkable PCE, things are markedly different. It was just so astoundingly crystal clear, with no room for any doubt whatsoever, that that was perfection, that it is always available, and that that is what I want, how I want life to be. Before that experience I wouldn’t really be able to say what being actually free would be like, I had no referent to really point that to. But that experience showed me clearly how it would be, with no problem whatsoever, because it was so thorough and clear. I understand that actual freedom itself will be different than that since it was still a temporary experience, but it was enough for me to not have any doubt anymore. So now instead of me trying to get myself to go towards self-immolation, which is how I got to that point (and it was very effective apparently!), it is more about whatever obstacles I have that remain, getting out of the way for it to happen, definitively. And it is clear now, clearer than ever before in fact, that all of me will have to go. But the change is palpable. Now with most things that I would think or feel of doing, that I’d normally get caught up in and put energy in, it’s like a “oh why would I get caught up in that? I want to self-immolate instead”. And what remains that I do get caught up in, I’m seeing it is more out of familiarity than
anything else… … all seems very promising!! VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, Wow. I am literally speechless. You are right, everything you have done has got you to this significant point. How mirificent. Cheers Vineeto
CLAUDIU: It does seem like the key at this final stage is sensuousness I reread Geoffrey’s report A naive sensuousness is what led to my rock solid PCE that removed any remaining doubts. Sensuousness is the “thing to do” with all my freed up energy. Sensuousness is the gateway into actuality. Sensuousness points and orients me to the actual world. I don’t have to worry or fret about self-immolating or “making progress”. Instead I can be carefree, assured it will happen, so long as I do my part which is revelling and delighting in sensuousness! But I don’t have to do anything other than that, is the point. I don’t have to worry about it, the universe will do it. It doesn’t mean I can ‘relax’ as in going back to my old ways. That takes me further away.
But I can go forward via sensuousness — I don’t know precisely the mechanism of how I will self-immolate but I am
really pretty sure that sensuousness will lead to it happening! VINEETO; Hi Claudiu, You are exactly right. Feeling being ‘Richard’ started by deliberately imitating the actual,
and continued to do so via what is now known as the Actualism method
And here is Richard’s description of what life is like after actual freedom which is no different to “the means to the end” –
You might like this quote for even more marvelling in your sensuous contemplations –
Cheers Vineeto
CLAUDIU: Hahahaha, here I was thinking and wondering that I had finally figured out the last steps, the thing to do near the end of the journey to become free — sensuousness — that would only apply at this late stage but that I had finally gotten to that point … … And it’s what Richard had been doing from the very start :) Certainly puts a dent in me thinking I am somehow ‘good’ at this :) Funnily enough when I did have that rock solid PCE, I wondered if Richard’s 4-hour PCE, that started ‘his’ journey, was of that wondrous nature … as it would explain why ‘he’ went all the way, with that as his guiding light! It’s not to say I didn’t have PCEs before but that one really stands out … In any case it doesn’t make sense to beat myself up about it. It’s not like I haven’t put a lot of energy into this in the past years! But the human condition is tricky, very wily. It’s more a testament to how tricky it is, when the way to become free is plainly spelled out and still takes so long to fully appreciate it! Rather than feel bad about it I will use this energy to not waste the opportunity now! VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, First of all, we all were wasting our time to become free. Even Richard said, once he became free, that he could have done that years ago but procrastinated because he anticipated a difficult period afterwards. It’s just when it happens, or is about to happen, it seems so easy, so smooth, and nothing really happens except that a phantom ‘self’ disintegrates like a soap bubble, and one wonders what all the fuss was about. Well, it’s the passions which ‘make all the fuss’, especially the very tenacious passionate instincts for ‘self’-survival. And you nevertheless can pat yourself on the back that you figured it out this far, because the human condition is indeed very “tricky, very wily” and very, very cunning and weird to boot. Also, everyone needs to figure it out for themselves. Here is what I quoted recently –
I never found a description of Richard’s 4 hr PCE, which set it all in motion but here is one outstanding description where during a PCE he experienced being the senses only –
It’s strange, I only wrote the sequence of the actualism method the way I did in order to give you confirmation that you are definitely on the spot by choosing sensuousness to concentrate on, whereas for you it “puts a dent in me thinking I am somehow ‘good’ at this.” A well, never mind. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: It’s strange, I only wrote the sequence of the actualism method the way I did in order to give you confirmation that you are definitely on the spot by choosing sensuousness to concentrate on, whereas for you it “puts a dent in me thinking I am somehow ‘good’ at this.” A well, never mind. CLAUDIU: Well there is more to it. I was thrilled to see that I was on the right track – which is indeed indicative of having a good grasp of what I’m doing. But what was injured was my… intellectual pride!! […] In other words my intellectual pride was injured, that it took me so long to see something that was so plainly written and so simple. Of course, thinking about it sensibly, it is understandable. The human condition is very weird and tricky and cunning indeed. But the reaction was valuable to really get this bugger by the throat! […] I’m actually having trouble thinking why I was holding on to this pride now. I eventually just saw that it was just a choice of if I want to continue being that way or not! And I decided that no, I don’t want to be. And that appears to have been the end of it haha. It really felt a lot more dramatic at the time but writing it now it sounds so simple. […] VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, Thank you for explaining the “dent” in detail, and I am pleased you found those features of your psyche to explore satisfactorily and also recognized how they were stacked on top of each other so that you had to discover/ resolve them in sequence. First, a dent in your intellectual pride … wondering why it took you so long to discover the significance of sensuosity.
Maybe you noticed when clicking on the link From this you can see the enlightened ‘Richard’ was similarly hamstrung by dominant passions to give sufficient attention to sensuousness at the time. Maybe this goes some way to at least restore your confidence, rather than pride, in your capacity for sagacity. CLAUDIU: But I was continuing to get frustrated and spinning out, and suddenly I realize that… I was resenting being alive! I dug into it more and I labelled what I was experiencing as that “basic resentment” that Richard talked about identifying way early on, on his path. I was able to compare that feeling of resentment with the superlatively mirificent recent PCE, and … was able to basically just totally reject and get rid of that resentment! […] I contemplated a lot about resentment, it’s not like I ignored the topic. But I really get the sense that I only got rid of this basic resentment now. […] And suddenly it clicked, I would not have admitted that so readily and smoothly if that intellectual pride was still in place! I would be trying to defend my pride instead. So perhaps this explains why I was never really able to get rid of that basic resentment before – because I’d have to admit I didn’t, and I would feel foolish (lol). […] There is a simplicity and peace that is the default now. In the past I always felt like I had to ‘work’ to some degree to stave off spiralling towards feeling bad. But that seems to have ended now. It’s really a lot simpler! […] VINEETO: Underneath this intellectual pride you found a feeling of so far undetected basic resentment, which could not have been discovered without getting rid of this intellectual pride first. And both of them were instrumental for not having discovered the significance of sensuosity earlier. Ha, someone recently compared the actualism method to peeling an onion. This in turn will increase your ability to being naïve because there is no more reputation to lose, or is there? CLAUDIU: Putting it together with today it is that being free would be a guarantee that
I will only do what is sensible – which is wonderful. VINEETO: Ha, I think that your appreciation of infinitude (“being free”) is too limited. The universe is much more than sensible … and so is an actually free person, being ultimately the universe’s experience of itself as an apperceptive human being (sans identity). Here are a few descriptions of what one is when actually free from Richard’s Journal (edited for brevity) –
As you can see there is much, much more to being actually free than “a guarantee that I will only do what is sensible”. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, This is excellent – all your ‘skeletons’ are now revealing themselves one after the other. There is no other way. Whenever we (associates of Richard) had a plan for any enterprise for the future bigger than going for a boat-ride, Richard never argued pros and cons with insufficient information available but suggested to make it as actual as possible, meaning to proceed, as far as possible, as if it was actually going to happen. This not only did provide more practical information but, even more importantly, brought out the involved people’s hopes and concerns and possible hidden objections for the planned project. This is exactly what you are doing – and what a treasure trove of discoveries you make! Ha, and what a wonderfully funny image you found for it. CLAUDIU: With that being said I appreciate your follow-up here. I did mistakenly come away
with the impression that ‘Richard’ knew immediately what to do from the get-go, sensuousness, and immediately
started succeeding with it. That is true in a sense, he was able to eliminate anger and basic resentment within 3
weeks. But it took him 11 years or so to eventually succeed… and what you pointed out indicates that ‘his’
process of figuring it out and going through it has similarities, basically ‘he’ was just ‘human’ as well and
not some ‘superhuman’. That being said he is more than just a regular ‘human’, he was the first to discover
this is possible and bring it into the world… when I repeatedly read it over many years the plain facts of what to do
and how to do it and what it is, it still takes time to sink in and to actually do it, and here he was, without any
guide written, and yet he managed to do it anyway! Remarkable and not something I would have been able to do, I wouldn’t
be the first – but of course, I don’t have to be! VINEETO: Yes, I did have the impression that you misunderstood – for instance, I only quoted
that Richard started with “to deliberately imitate the actual”
Yes, “basically ‘he’ was just ‘human’” and Richard emphasized this on several occasions –
And ‘he’ was determined to find out, dedicated to make actuality a lived experience 24 hrs a day, no matter what, able to use ‘his’ ‘native human intelligence’ and, most important of all, ‘giving up’ was not in ‘his’ vocabulary. Richard was also very, very thorough (before and after self-immolation), and I came to observe this and marvel at it whenever he researched something in every single topic he inquired into, including precise vocabulary. I fully agree I would have never been able to be the first, but then nobody else ever needs to be
– an actual freedom is already here (discovered, lived, reported and explained by the “genitor” As you rightly say – “it still takes time to sink in”. Richard refers to this time as a gestation period, as in, some insight or realisation may need some time simmering in the background before it is ready to be actualized. Naiveté turned up to its full extent will see you through to the very (welcome and blessed) oblivion. Cheers Vineeto
CLAUDIU: Today I had some time and I was again contemplating on having it happen, actually self-immolating… the thing that I have come to see is this. That really, there is no way to self-immolate other than ‘me’ actually self-immolating. It sounds tautological, but… what I mean is: all of ‘me’ has to actually go away, and disappear, entirely, and forever. A lot of what I have been up to seems to be to try to sneakily get around this requirement, like maybe a part of ‘me’ can keep going and then only most of ‘me’ will go away. But, that is not so. VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, Ha, including ‘Claudiu’s’ sensibleness? As in –
It might have to make way to share the stage when “naiveté ramped up to 1000%” wants to play its part. CLAUDIU: So it’s a matter of cleanly and clearly separating out what is ‘me’, and what is actual… and what is ‘me’, all of ‘me’, agreeing to disappear, forever, for the benefit of that which is far superior, namely, actuality! And, wondrously of all, I came to see that ‘I’ actually want this! ‘I’ can and am willing to give myself up for that which is superior! And this just feels so amazingly good – and not in an ecstatic way, but rather, in a naive way. It is like naiveté ramped up to 1000%. It just feels so light, wondrous, and carefree, to give myself up like this! The way forward is clearly delineated by this direction – all of ‘me’, gladly and cheerfully giving ‘myself’ up! Like the actual feeling of getting on board with that is a wondrous and naive feeling, the affective hedonic tone is remarkable positive, it is just actually fun and wondrous to feel this way! All of ‘me’ getting on board. [dancing man]. VINEETO: This is really and truly wonderful to behold. CLAUDIU: Later in the day I was having a convo with two people and there was a lot of cross-talk and I wasn’t able to get out something that I really wanted to say. I had such a powerful reaction that I was floored and reeled. I got so amazingly annoyed! It was like a deep, burning annoyance. I kept my hands in my pockets and apparently it didn’t show, but this was such a deep annoyance, like it hit at my very core – and over such a trivial thing! It was remarkable though that I was not annoyed at being annoyed, or beating myself up for feeling
annoyed… I was allowing the annoyance, letting myself fully feel it, neither expressing nor repressing. And this
helped me to see the shape of it, the shape of ‘me’. This remarkably deep and solid-feeling thing, like a rod of
annoyance haha. It made it all the more clear that all of me, indeed, has to go! VINEETO: Annoyance, as in “irritation, exasperation, vexation, indignation, anger, crossness, displeasure, chagrin, pique, aggravation, ire, nuisance, pest, bother, inconvenience, menace, headache, hassle, pain in the neck …” (Oxford Dictionary). It is remarkable how many synonyms this particular emotion has, bearing witness to the fact that it plays a dominant part in feeling beings’ lives. It is fortuitous that it has fully come out in the open now and you can deal with it once and for all. Isn’t it marvellous that after pride/humility is gone there is nothing more to hide. Cheers Vineeto
CLAUDIU: This post was awesome so I just wanted to link to it here.
VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, I am pleased you recognized how significant this post Joking aside, what I realized and wanted to express was that now there is a sufficient quantity of people having recognized the transformative role that naiveté plays in their actualism practice and actualized it in their lives, there is a contagious atmosphere which even more actualists can benefit from. Here is a private feedback I received yesterday, within the hour of publishing –
I invite everyone to read the various member’s reports again with open eyes and a receptive attitude. There is indeed a psychic network which can play a beneficial role in spreading the felicitous and
innocuous feeling including naiveté around the globe. (It also answers Kuba’s question if ‘I’ am indeed “meaningless” The key to naiveté is sincerity. Naiveté opens the door to pure intent and thus to more
enjoyment and appreciation. It eases the way to dealing with occurring obstacles and it makes life and the whole
actualism process fun, and it is essential for eventually allowing one going out-from-control. “Naiveté
located betwixt the core of being and the sexual centre (where one is both likeable and liking) – is attached as if
with a golden thread or clew to the purity of actual innocence”
As for felicitous, innocuous and naïve feelings being contagious as psychic vibes, here is a possible scenario for you –
Cheers Vineeto
CLAUDIU: A lot of what I have been up to seems to be to try to sneakily get around this requirement, like maybe a part of ‘me’ can keep going and then only most of ‘me’ will go away. But, that is not so. VINEETO: Ha, including ‘Claudiu’s’ sensibleness? As in – CLAUDIU: Putting it together with today it is that being free would be a guarantee that
I will only do what is sensible – which is wonderful. VINEETO: It might have to make way to share the stage when “naivete ramped up to
1000%” wants to play its part. CLAUDIU: Just to address this briefly – when I wrote that “Putting it together with today it is that being free would be a guarantee that I will only do what is sensible – which is wonderful” I see that I improperly mixed two different insights that on their own I think are more sensible. The first one was that, although I can choose to do anything including things that make no sense – it only makes sense to do that subset of things that is sensible. So choosing between silly and sensible is already restricting the full range of what ‘I’ do, in a sense – but not restricting as in by moral fiat, but rather because it’s willingly only doing those things that make sense! So in this way, to be actually free would not be a moral imposition, as by becoming free I lose the ability to do a lot of silly things indeed (like become upset, angry, and irate), but this is not a loss because it doesn’t make sense to do those things anyway. The second one was, on a later day, while naiveté was a bit far and I was approaching finding that basic resentment, that although it was not appealing to me to enjoy and be naive at that moment (!), nevertheless it was appealing to me to no longer be malicious or sorrowful. That was something worthwhile to pursue, from where I was at that point I genuinely wanted that. And I saw that to become actually free would be a guarantee that malice and sorrow would never come back – and I wanted that guarantee! VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, Yes, that makes perfect sense, especially that you wanted the “guarantee that malice and sorrow would never come back”, which had prevented naiveté coming to the fore again. The sagacity of clear assessments of what is silly and what is sensible has indeed brought you to the point where you are now, the jumping-off point. As you said in the previous post to Kuba –
However, something else is now required to complete the journey into the unknown, else ‘I’
will fill the gap with more puzzles to be solved via silly and sensible options. That something is what you described
as “like naiveté ramped up to 1000%”
All I am suggesting is to shift the focus. Interestingly enough, the only antonym to ‘sensible’
from Oxford Languages is ‘foolish’, and being naïve can easily be conflated with feeling foolish, and yet this
very ‘feeling foolish’ can open the door to even more naiveté. It also means not being serious, being artless,
guileless and ingenuous, like a child again without being gullible. This naiveté, because it “is attached as
if with a golden thread or clew to the purity of actual innocence” Of course, it does not mean that being sensible is superfluous or non-existent in actuality.
However, once you are innocent, i.e. free from malice and sorrow, making the distinction between silly and sensible is
rarely required. It’s all rather obvious. CLAUDIU: It is truly wondrous to contemplate and to be on this path VINEETO: It is equally truly wondrous to be witness to your walking this path to freedom. Only few people have been so forthcoming and eloquent with ongoing reports about their journey, and it is delightful to read each one of them. Cheers Vineeto
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