July 2 2026

KUBA: There was 2 more things that came of all this. Firstly it does look like something clicked, because later on when I read back that post, and I read the part where I still believed it was some noble “inspiring through excellence” I had very much this sense of “how could I have been such a fool to believe this”.

I know this feeling well because I have experienced it many times writing so much, and I guess so far I have kind of accepted it as par for the course of looking to expose ‘myself’. But really I would much rather be without it. Of course I will be wrong about many things yet to come but why does it have to be such a drama every time? This one has dogged me for a while now and would certainly like to get to the bottom of it.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Well, fact is that you have “just demonstrated my complete lack of understanding of the actualism method” and it hurts your pride of being an ‘accomplished actualist’. If it was sincerity, which moved you to reveal that fact (and not just an accidental ‘blunder’) then you can use this opportunity to clear the workbench and start afresh. You can also take note that this kind of pride-knocking sincerity puts you on the right track towards naiveté because being naïve is often accompanied by feeling foolish at the start – especially when pride holds a cherished and dominant position in one’s modus operandi –

Richard: The Human Condition is weird, so any dissolution of it is correspondingly weird. Also, your pride can begin to take a hammering, so watch out for the tendency to becoming humble to ameliorate your condition whilst you go through this process ... else you may become enlightened.

You will not have an ounce of pride – or humility – left in you by the time it is all over. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Alan, 27 July 1998)

First a quote to clarify the terms associated with pride and its opposites –

Jonathan: We had a useful theological and semantic discussion ...

Richard: The semantic part of the discussion pertained to you saying the opposite of pride was embarrassment (see Syd’s Report) – whereupon I pointed out that being humble (aka humility) is the more usual antonym – but given that humiliation and embarrassment are more or less synonymous it required what you characterise as a theological discussion to tease out differing connotations ... to wit: the difference betwixt shame and guilt.

As a broad generalisation the feeling of shame (as in ignominy, disgrace, mortification, &c.) is more a public affair than private – whereas the feeling of guilt is more a private matter than public – and features mostly in eastern cultures (quite prominently, for instance, in China and Japan) rather than in western cultures where the feeling of guilt, being private, is conducive to the west’s emphasis on individuality over familiality (i.e., ‘the quality of being familial’ where familial means ‘of or relating to family’) ... which is particularly obvious in Christian-based societies such as inhabit what is known as the Anglosphere. (Richard, List D, Jonathan, 4 August 2013).

Here Richard explains at length why pride and humility play such an important role in the human condition – and upon experiential investigation you eventually discover that they are both superfluous and silly to maintain –

Richard: All humility is nothing but the ego being very, very clever ... it is but a product of a lost, lonely, frightened and very, very cunning entity called ego. One of the chief attributes of a freedom from a ‘self’ or a ‘Self’ and from believing in a ‘God’ and a ‘Greater Reality’, is a completeness ... an absence of the need to control a wayward ‘I’ with moralistic injunctions. Personally I have no humility whatsoever and, of course, neither am I proud. In order to be free of the Human Condition one needs to see the place pride and humility plays in one’s life. ‘I’ am proud of ‘my’ major achievement – which is maintaining ‘myself’ as an identity – and ‘I’ will do anything but relinquish ‘my’ grip on this flesh-and-blood body ... including humbling ‘myself’ before some God in order to ameliorate the pernicious effects of pride. However, humility is merely the antidote to pride ... and they feed off each other, continuously. For example, one cannot but feel proud of one’s accomplishment of self-abasing humility ... it is in the nature of the entity to do so. A humbled self is still a self, nonetheless, leaving one proud of one’s performance. When one realises how silly all this is; when one sees that pride and humility are standing in the way of freedom from all self-centred activity, something astounding occurs. The opposites vanish. I am simply here where I have always been ... and pride, with its companion in arms, humility, has disappeared along with all the other feelings. I am free to be here now in the world as-it-is. Unadorned and unencumbered, I can stand on my own two feet, owing allegiance to no-one. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 4, 9 January 1999).

As such, in this situation, don’t just focus on the bad feeling – embarrassment, shame or humiliation – but use it as an indicator for the ‘good’ feeling of pride operating and recognize that it is pride, which stands in the way of you being more and more naïve, unsophisticated and ingenuous.

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KUBA: It looks like this is all beginning to outline the aspect of ‘me’ which is the culprit. I have written about ‘my’ narcissism before, but this is not quite it, maybe something like a vanity, the fact that ‘I’ derive ‘my’ good feelings from sitting atop some elevated position, which of course means there is always the fear of falling from the prideful place, the shame of not living up to a standard etc. There has always been a yearning to be free from this, to simply be a fellow human being, without the need to prove anything or to fear loosing some ‘position’.

And of course this is what ‘I’ do, as ‘I’ am a scared, lost, lonely and cunning psychic entity, that is why ‘I’ self-centrically turn everything into a tool to re-affirm ‘myself’, to gain some ‘security’ about ‘my’ existence.

VINEETO: I wrote at the end of my last post to you –

Vineeto: Regarding “inspiring through excellence” – it is imitating the perfection of the universe when one aspires excellence, and beneficial when others are inspired to imitate this excellence, however, the moment ‘I’ take the credit and make it my own, it becomes dirty, it has power added to one’s expertise and excellence, and power over others is always ‘self’-serving and ‘self’-enhancing. (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Kuba14, 1 July 2026).

Please don’t make the mistake of regarding the striving for excellence solely as a ‘self’-centric activity and decide to shun aspiring for excellence altogether (like “more than a few take this to be a general ‘rule of thumb’ applicable to all the affective feelings inclusive of the felicitous and innocuous affections” (see (Richard, List D, Martin, #text: unendorsed). Rather remove with ruthless sincerity your ‘self’-enhancing feelings, such as pride, hubris, smugness, power and conceit from the pursuit of excellence. You can instead recognize that you have the ability, talent and motivation to achieve excellence in this field, thereby imitating the perfection and purity of the universe with its inherent benignity and benevolence as this flesh-and-blood body and thus inspire others to do the same if they are so inclined.

Why do you think Richard aspired to and succeeded in being a master of words, which can touch the sensitive reader to experience for themselves what he writes about, looking for new words, more precise descriptions for his reports and explanations, perfecting his writing style, responding to feed-back and making his writing public so prolifically?

Cheers Vineeto

July 14 2026

KUBA: Last night I was napping and in that “in between” sleep state I kept experiencing these waves of perfection, to be more precise it was re-memorating that perfection is already here. When that perfection was being experienced it was like “of course this is how life actually is” and then it was as if it all became a fading memory again, and then it would come again to be experienced as undeniably actual.

But I realise that ‘I’ cannot wash ‘myself’ away, ‘I’ can only allow it to happen to ‘me’. ‘I’ cannot possibly “do the deed” because such an action would only cement ‘my’ existence further. So it is an action of allowing, of giving permission, whilst knowing full well what is entailed.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Whenever you find wrestling yourself (“like some case of dementia”) remember that in this pioneering enterprise ‘you’ are your closest ally. When you, in the endeavour to bring all of ‘you’ on board to agree to ‘your’ demise, become so friendly, so intimate with yourself that you eventually viscerally reveal your deepest yearning, which is to shed this ongoing burden to be a ‘controller’, a life-preserver, a bodyguard, and to go into oblivion instead. It is a relief to be able to even admit that this secret exists, and instead of a ‘demented’ outcast you become the closest ally.

I wrote about this before –

Vineeto: The motivation for ‘self’-immolation needs to encompass all of ‘you’ at a deep level of ‘being’ for allowing it to happen, and when ‘I’ recognize and acknowledge that deep down ‘I’ experience ‘my’ job of ‘self’-preservation as a constant burden, and with no genuinely advantageous point to boot for continuing to carry that burden, then you, who wants to be free to be what you are have won a major ally. (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Kuba2 31 October 2024).

Here is more confirmation how important it is to embrace ‘me’ as an ally –

Richard: ‘It is important not to view ‘I’ and/or ‘me’ as an enemy – blind nature is the culprit – and to be friends with yourself ... only you live with yourself twenty four hours a day. Coopt any aspect of yourself as an ally in this investigation into the human psyche ... eventually ‘I’ come to realise that the very best thing that ‘I’ can do is altruistically ‘self’-immolate for the benefit of this body and all bodies. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 7, 18 February 1999).

Richard: ‘It is important not to turn the thinker into the villain, an enemy: the thinker is thus one’s greatest ally (...) whilst peoples beat themselves up for not being good enough or for being ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ (or whatever description) they have no chance of ever enabling [peace-on-earth]. None of this mess is ‘my’ fault ... ‘I’ was born like this. Now that ‘I’ realise this ‘I’ can willingly, cheerfully be in concordance. (...) ‘I’ can never, ever become perfect or be perfection. The only thing ‘I’ can do – the only thing ‘I’ need to do – is to say !YES! so that the already always existing perfection can become apparent. (Richard, List B, No. 25f, 22 June 2000).

And here is why –

Richard: Needless is it to add that, had it not been for that identity’s totally dedicated/ utterly devoted pure intent to not have intelligence be the loser, yet again for the umpteenth billionth time, this conversation would not be taking place (and that neither would this mailing list exist either)?

Respondent: Intelligence won and your identity ‘lost’, right?

Richard: No, blind nature lost ... the identity got precisely what ‘he’ wanted more than anything else (the blessed release into oblivion) thereby allowing intelligence to operate unimpeded. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 68d, 10 October 2005).

You see, when your intent to be actually free and you, the identity, agree, the way is open for altruistic ‘self’-immolation to happen.

Richard: The way to peace is not through war. (Richard, List C, No. 3d, 13 April 2000).

Cheers Vineeto