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(List D refers to Richard’s List D Vineeto’s Correspondence with Kuba on Discuss Actualism Forum
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, Thank you for your replies, I have been contemplating on what you wrote. VINEETO: I am reading this sentence again and I am wondering why you would want to “swallow” this “big one” – which is the insight that you are “narcissism”, and that “under the words it was ‘Me’, ‘Me’, ‘Me’”. Wouldn’t it be more sensible to not look at it from the identity’s point of view (integrate this into your identity /swallow it, i.e. make ‘him stronger because ‘he’ could handle such a crisis) but rather see it from the perspective of what you are aiming for, and celebrate that you can safely and felicitously /innocuously leave behind this particular chunk of ‘my’ ‘self’-importance and be naïve instead? KUBA: Yes I see your point completely, this sense of “regaining ‘my’ equilibrium” after such a seeing is to swallow the insight into ‘my’ worldview and disable its potential. A couple of days after this seeing it was as if the ‘controller’ came back with a vengeance. I think because those various narratives (of the controller) were exposed for what they are – self-centrically spinning around in circles. So I experienced this operation of ‘me’ as the ‘controller’ in a raw and jarring way. Since then the above has stopped and I have been able to contemplate without distraction on Peter’s
report and your follow up suggestion. I don’t know if I can say much other than that I have been having intimations of
what you are pointing to. For example this morning I woke up and I could see ‘me’ as if loading up, and ‘I’ was
seen to be this extra happening which has no relevance at all over life as it actually happens. That this self-centric
bubble in which ‘I’ exist/ which ‘I’ am is completely superfluous/ redundant/ irrelevant/ outmoded etc.
Initially I want to say that ‘I’ have no purpose left now other than to suffer for sufferings sake but indeed ‘I’
am pivotal in something still, which is to set this body free. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, I appreciate you can see the point I was making. As for agreeing to live without the controller in charge you already done a ‘dress-rehearsal’ –
Now that you know experientially that the ‘controller’ “is completely superfluous/ redundant/ irrelevant/ outmoded etc.” – why not do it again, as in the previous ‘dress-rehearsal’, allowing, and thus ensuring being-out-from-control, to be open-ended this time? Here is ‘Vineeto’s’ as told to Claudiu –
Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, VINEETO: Now that you know experientially that the ‘controller’ “is completely superfluous/ redundant/ irrelevant/ outmoded etc.” – why not do it again, as in the previous ‘dress-rehearsal’, allowing, and thus ensuring being-out-from-control, to be open-ended this time? KUBA: That is a brilliant suggestion thank you! I think I was somewhat circling this but you spelt it out. I also found the below very helpful to consider :
I have been wondering today, why is it that this falling out happened for me, because I still can’t pinpoint any specific reason, it is just that seemingly after some time ‘I’ resume ‘my’ operations as the ‘controller’. And today I started sincerely considering whether up until now I simply have not been ready/ sincerely wanting to actually proceed into new territory/ abandon the old. And I think the bottom line is, that this is it. Hence I have always found some way to scurry back to ‘normal’, and you have seen the many variations of this first hand. So there is this fundamental unreadiness to proceed into totally new territory/ completely abandon the old, and this fundamental unreadiness will then dress up in seemingly endless new problems or diversions etc. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, This may already be a result from the shock you received when seeing “Me, me, me”
Without this solid connection to pure intent – the crucial connection to what is outside of “Me, me, me” any short sprint into an excellence experience will peter out at the next opportunity of ‘me’ asserting myself. KUBA: I think the reason I started wondering about this today is because I saw a glimpse in me, of that readiness to proceed into the new / abandon the old. VINEETO: This is a great start. Now this “glimpse” needs to grow until pure intent becomes the number one priority in your life, until it becomes the vital factor to counterbalance the inborn, automatically operating ‘self’-centricity/ ‘self’-importance. This, and only this, can give you the vital daring, and caring, required to “proceed into the new/ abandon the old”. KUBA: Hmm but then reading over that quote again, is it really
that what has been missing is the – “It does need your active and decisive input – until an actual freedom
happens, then you can’t fall back”. Because I do remember that once out of it, I also had that approach of
“accepting it as a matter of course.” VINEETO: Indeed – and that “decisive input” is not created by willpower (the ‘controller’) but by the constant pull of pure intent. Sincerity is the key, then naiveté can follow.
Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, This is all very much spot on, thank you! Indeed so far it has been ‘me’ sprinting to the edges of the human condition but then without the ongoing connection to pure intent the ‘controller’ would resurface every time, and then in the absence of that which is outside of ‘me’, ‘me’, ‘me’, ‘I’ would resort to narratives and diversions instead, that is how ‘I’ made the goal of eradicating the human condition into a narcissistic endeavour. So it is pure intent which is so crucial here. I remember Richard’s words to one of the DHO guys basically clarifying that there is no other actual freedom than via pure intent, as in to be actually free is to be that very pure intent personified. This just popped into my mind as an illustration of how critical pure intent is to becoming actually free, as in there is no other way! VINEETO: Hi Kuba, It was Tarin who Richard clarified it to and it’s in the Latest Announcement, Addendum 7
Can you see the very first point “to make possible a pure intent” and the emphasis of “Point No. 8” “that no rotten-to-the-core feeling being can ever infiltrate (bona fide) pure intent”? I am genuinely amazed how you could obscure/ forget/ ignore this crucial point all these month? * VINEETO: Indeed – and that “decisive input” is not created by willpower (the ‘controller’) but by the constant pull of pure intent. Sincerity is the key, then naiveté can follow. KUBA: Ah well I’m glad you said this, it probably saved me a lot of time trying the former option. VINEETO: I wrote about the significant difference between ‘beer’ and the ‘doer’ on the list many times, including clarifying quotes from Richard. For instance on October 2024 –
I also described it in detail, with extensive quotes from Richard to Alexander on 11 June 2025 You must have missed all this, or forgotten the vital details while you were busy trying to insert you ‘self’ into actuality. I am very pleased that you seem to understand now, “that “decisive input” is not created by willpower (the ‘controller’) but by the constant pull of pure intent” and will indeed “saved me a lot of time” and the reason I am pleased is not only for your own sake but for everyone’s sake, both here on the forum and the world at large because you do not exist in isolation – whatever you do in regards advancing an actual freedom for yourself has ramifications way beyond your imagination. Viz.:
It is quite stunning when contemplating this. * VINEETO: This is a great start. Now this “glimpse” needs to grow until pure intent becomes the number one priority in your life, until it becomes the vital factor to counterbalance the inborn, automatically operating ‘self’-centricity/ ‘self’-importance. This, and only this, can give you the vital daring, and caring, required to “proceed into the new/ abandon the old”. KUBA: Yes, for a start now I can see the vital importance of pure intent, that without it, it can only ever remain about ‘me’, ‘me’, ‘me’. Something that is solidly outside of ‘me’ is required to form an ongoing connection to, otherwise ‘I’ am fated to forever spin around in circles, which that is exactly what has been happening so far. VINEETO: Good. I will take advantage of this window of opportunity to point to a detailed
description Richard wrote to Claudiu on 15 July 2015 You may understand that a “glimpse” of pure intent needs kindling and supporting – via naïve enjoyment and wondrous, marvelling appreciation each moment again – in order for it to become the constant ‘addictive’ pull, which will guide you to your, the flesh-and-blood-body’s, destiny. * VINEETO:
KUBA: Yes I remember a similar quote of Richard’s answering to
a correspondent as to why one would continue proceeding when no longer motivated by feeling bad (i.e. out of
desperation). That is precisely how I find myself these days – that I don’t have moods anymore, I don’t go
around feeling resentful or glum about life, the various aspects of ‘human wisdom’ have been explored and
decimated (to borrow Devika’s word), it is second nature to have a good time being alive, as an ongoing modus
operandi. And yet I know that there is something far far better, that this is a very distant second best, and even
just a brief glimpse of that which exists outside of the human condition reminds me immediately of this. So it is the
utter preciosity of that which is glimpsed, which is outside of ‘me’, which is the motivation to continue, even
when no longer out of desperation. VINEETO: Are you saying that up to now you practised actualism “out of desperation” and that only now that you have glimpsed “something far far better” you have the interest and “motivation to continue”? If that is so, I can understand why you don’t remember the vital importance of pure intent and forgotten the above given quotes regarding the ‘doer’ (controller) and the ‘beer’. In fact, I am pleased that you now say that “the utter preciosity of that which is glimpsed, which is outside of ‘me’, which is the motivation to continue”. Here is an excerpt from Richard’s Personal Webpage as to how enjoyment and appreciation evoke and strengthen pure intent and to be able to imitate the actual as much as possible –
Best to read this excerpt in its original to have the benefit of the various tooltips. I wish you lots of fun in your contemplations and explorations of this new territory. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Also I think I have got the flavour now, of pure intent, it is exactly as those words describe – “a genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity that originates in the perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe”. Although I don’t know if ‘I’ can experientially tell (maybe in rare glimpses but not in general) that second part – “that originates in the perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe”. As in ‘I’ can experientially detect a “genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity” which is not of ‘me’ in any kind of way, but ‘I’ am not experientially aware of the infinitude of the universe to clearly know that it is coming from there. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, When you experience “a genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity” generally ‘you’ are temporarily in abeyance, hence the vital importance of the golden clew (the intimate connection to pure intent via rememoration) when ‘I’ return. However, nowadays pure intent can also be experienced from within the human condition (i.e., as a feeling ‘being’) when pure intent is experienced via that purity personified (i.e. those fully free human beings), reported by ‘Peter’, ‘Vineeto’ and ‘Pamela’ as “a sweetness that was palpable” – plus how ‘he’/ ‘she’ was “literally being bathed in this sweetness”.
In regards to “the perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe”, I remember feeling being ‘Vineeto’ only had a few PCEs in which “the vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe” were experienced but it was enough to make it indisputably clear to ‘her’ that there is no higher power operating inside or ‘outside’ the universe (it also made it obvious from the start that freedom is in ‘my’ hands alone – that there is no entity/ presence/ deity which will set me free. You can probe into the vast stillness yourself – best when having a ‘self’-less experience – and explore going deeper into the vast stillness by appreciating in wondrous amazement the fullness of this stillness. Richard explained “the actual experience of the infinitude of space and time is to be ‘everywhere all at once” this way –
As you can see, “the last one – being limitless as an actuality – remained unconsummated” until 28 August 2011. KUBA: Either way there is this genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity which is not of ‘me’ and as such it is completely unpolluted by ‘me’. And it’s weird because the experience of it is indeed like a benefaction or a blessing, so when ‘I’ am experiencing that flavour there is no question at all that it is a safe thing to pass the baton to. VINEETO: What you call “to pass the baton to” is ‘you’ giving permission to let life live you by allowing the ‘doer’, the ‘controller,’ to go into abeyance and allow the naïve ‘beer’ to be ascendant (agreeing to being out-from-control).
KUBA: But then when that flavour is not present and ‘I’ am
imagining ‘my’ way around pure intent then ‘I’ have the most severe reactions around it. VINEETO: Of course – and if you take your phrase “to pass the baton to” to mean instant abdication of ‘me’, then it may well be a consideration too fast too soon. Hence my suggestion to strengthen the connection to pure intent and aim for eventually living in a more or less permanent excellence experience – being dynamically in a different-way-of-being – as the most sensible next step. Here is a useful reference for you to understand and appreciate the range of naïveness which you can explore –
Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, This is a lot of information so I am slowing taking it in bits. This morning I had a read of the post you mentioned regarding rememoration and presentation. A while ago Geoffrey described rememoration in his excellent succinct style and I think it clicked back then. Reading Richard’s thorough explanation was very interesting too although I think I will need to go over it a few times for it to properly click. It is amazing how Richard was able to thoroughly understand all manner of things by going right to the root of them and working through the topics diligently. The way I understand rememoration currently, if I was to put it in my words, is that it is to
intently bring forth the flavour of that which was experienced previously, now. In that I know I have experienced
pure intent previously, and yet to cognitively remember this fact is not enough. So I experientially set my antennae
to that flavour which I remember was tasted back then, and when that flavour is tasted, it is happening now i.e. it
has been rememorated. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, I have not answered for a few days to give you time to digest and integrate this “lot of
information” I had sent in my last post. Now that you say you “I know I have experienced pure intent
previously” you can follow this loadstone of your own experience. Has it “clicked back then”
when you quoted what “Geoffrey described rememoration in his excellent succinct style”
What you said to James was spot on –
– it’s not about a cognitive understanding tick-in-the-box, but having “the experiential/ existential connection” to let pure intent guide you, each moment again – “Pure intent is the connection between the intimate aspect of oneself, that one usually keeps hidden away for fear of seeming foolish, and the purity of the PCE”. (Richard’s Journal, Article 15). You have Richard words, Geoffrey’s words, my words, but most of all you have “experienced pure intent previously” – do whatever you need to do to immerse yourself in the flavour of pure intent, each moment again, and thus allow it to change you to become more and more the benignity and benevolence of the flavour, via enjoying and appreciating being alive. I still think the second part of Richard’s personal Webpage (link) is the most exquisite and detailed description about ‘how to’, this one for instance –
For an in-depth comprehensive study on Richard’s various descriptions of pure intent I can recommend
Richard, List D James, 11 Jul 2013 Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, Thank you for your reply, actually I was going to take some time off from all things actualist but this just ended up with me getting stressed over a phone transfer that refused to go smoothly… VINEETO: Hi Kuba, It’s quite informative that when you are “going to take some time off from all things
actualist” – perhaps because you remembered Geoffrey’s “So I decided I needed a holiday from ‘doing’,
from ‘trying’” That event might well be an indicator that you are not at the point where taking “a holiday
from ‘doing’” is a path to take but rather that your imaginary map to actual freedom is giving you the wrong
coordinates. This “getting stressed over” such a minor occurrence like a slow phone transfer is
clearly a “warning buzzer”, a “flashing red light” that one has gone astray and that it’s time
to take out the instruction manual (Richard, This Moment of Being Alive
As you said you have practiced/ dabbled in buddhistic practice yourself, a similar reassessment to any “hangover” might be needed to get the most benefit and lasting success from practicing the actualism method “as to result in a still-in-control/ same-way-of-being virtual freedom”. Now Richard goes into great detail in this particular post to Claudiu to highlight again that simply being attentive to one’s thoughts and feelings (à la buddhistic attentiveness) is not the actualism method –
Here is another example from the above email –
It’s too long to quote more, even though I can highly recommend to read it in full including the tooltips for anyone who is not clear about any aspects of the actualism method. * I appreciate your assessment of experiencing a “safe haven” – it also facilitates to be honest and sincere in our communications. Now we come to what you perhaps consider “ascertain causation and the succession” – KUBA: You know experientially it seems that ‘I’ as the ‘controller’ have ‘my’ claws dug in quite strong, ‘I’ can deceive ‘myself’ that everything is going smoothly but all it takes is for a phone transfer to go south and ‘I’ start grasping and arrogating and fighting etc. We talked in the past about my “inner mother”, and this is not to apply any blame to my mother at all, but I am pretty certain this is a still unresolved aspect of it. I remember my mother from my youngest years to similarly have life tightly grasped in the claws of the ‘controller’, far beyond what ‘normal’ would be. It was like this mix of fierce attempts to control life with this constant underlying anxiety, expressed as an ongoing state of stress with angry outbursts. It seems that ‘I’ absorbed like a sponge the same kind of basic MO for life. And then the narcissism and the self-importance only cemented all this further. Of course ‘I’ do not want to ‘be’ this any more, and not even just for ‘my’ sake but
for everyone’s benefit. So this seems like a pretty big and obvious obstacle that is staring me right in the face,
and I am not sure how it is to be addressed yet, I can see cracks in it but I cannot yet sincerely contemplate
dissolving the whole thing. VINEETO: If what you describe is what counts for looking at the causation of getting upset about “a phone transfer to go south” then this clearly has not worked and will not work to prevent it from happening again and again. Your explanation is attributing causation of this event onto your mother, your childhood experience and habituation since having been a toddler, and this does more to justify and cement your reaction rather than uproot it. Also, “dissolving the whole thing” in one go is a typical all-or-nothing approach and certainly not the only option. Whereas when you look at the event itself it is very simple – there was an expectation and a strong desire to have it happen quickly and smoothly (because you had probably already planned out the follow-up events) – and when things didn’t go your way you got “stressed”, perhaps even angry, and, as you say, you had this MO since forever. Seeing the fact very clearly how destructive this MO is not only to your mood but for everyone else around you, there is no sensible reason at all to react in the same way again, ever. All it needs is seeing this fact and the sincere intent to be felicitous and innocuous and then put some such events which are not in your control genuinely on the preference basis. KUBA: Actually I think I have some idea as to how to proceed
with this obstacle, which is for now to allow that underlying anxiety/ fear which feeds the ‘controller’ to come
to the surface and see what it is all about.
VINEETO: Can you see that the deciding factor between analysing your past and seeing the fact now is that you have the choice, right now, to actually change – not because you are forced to for moralistic reasons but because you are intelligent and have a benign and benevolent aim in life? This intelligence with benign and benevolent intent means (according to the actualism method) you proceed by getting into the habit of affectively monitoring your mood and therefore detect finer and finer diminution and therefore catch the habitual “stressing” before it has time to grow into a large event. From the same above quoted email –
To summarize –
Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, This was very useful thank you, where you wrote :
I think there is something here and really I can summarise it with the word – rumination. And actually just the google definition for it speaks quite well of why it’s a dead end:
I remember a video with Geoffrey talking about the kind of ‘investigation’ that actualists can get caught up in (which now I see more as rumination) and how he was now wondering whether ‘he’ succeeded because of this kind of thing or despite of it. And I think this may be similar here with me, in that throughout my involvement with actualism I have been applying rumination believing it was the reason for whatever successes I had, but actually this rumination was more a crippling effect, and there was some successes despite of it. It has been fascinating having you write on this forum because the few years prior to that I was consistently doing something, but at the same time there were so many misunderstandings and self-deceptions thrown into the mix. So the past couple of years interacting with you it was like all those misunderstandings and self-deceptions have been slowly identified and cleared one after the other. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, I am pleased you gained a useful insight/ understanding which could clear up part of the “many misunderstandings” you said you had, and rumination is a perfect word for your psychological ‘escapade’. Now there is an opportunity to apply the new understanding each time you notice is a diminishment in feeling happy and harmless. This new approach also might require an adjustment in your affective awareness when monitoring your mood.
I emphasise this because many people are considering their previous buddhistic ‘noting’ (including putting aside those noted emotions as ‘unsatisfactory’) equivalent to the actualist affective awareness and fascinated attentiveness. I had this confirmed by one actualist recently telling me of their habit to just being aware of a whole lot of a range of successive feelings occurring would give them the feeling they were ‘doing actualism’, whilst this ‘awareness’ actually did nothing to change their affective mood. Which brings me back to the pure intent of which you said –
But promptly after discovering the flavour, which you pointed out was missing in your previous endeavours, you planned to “to take some time off from all things actualist”, which to me does not look like the action of someone who has a firm connection to pure intent. Was it, after all, only of the ‘been-there-done-that-bought-the-T-shirt’ variety? In other words, when your affective awareness is imbued with the (now-discovered) flavour of pure intent, and becomes a present-time active ongoing connection to pure intent, then nothing can be swept under the carpet. Which means when you are looking for “what leads to change” the first item in the sequence of change is the affective awareness which may well require adjustment. When your aim is to imitate the actual, as experienced in the flavour of pure intent, then your attitude towards being aware of any diminishment in enjoyment and appreciation is equally imbued with a vital interest in getting back to, or increasing, the quality how you felt before the diminishment set in. KUBA: And there is for sure successes that have come from this venture, for example what Sonya wrote in her journal the other day about the vibes at home, it is really like that now where fundamentally every day we like each other and we get on together. It is the main reason why I simply could not have ‘me’ ‘being’ the stress, as in I could not accept it because I can see what it has the potential to do. But also I think since the talks we had about blame it clicked for both of us, so now there is this (very nice) outcome where we both naturally give each other grace when the other falls off the wagon for a bit. So this elimination of blame for us both was a solid success indeed, and it was not the outcome of rumination or an all or nothing approach, it was something more sincere that did it. VINEETO: It is a pleasure to read you are both having fun together – can you see how daring (to change) comes from caring? “Giving grace” is rather an ominous choice of words as it includes “showing compassion, extending leniency, offering forgiveness”, whereas when one doesn’t take offence then there is nothing to forgive or offer leniency. I am sure you will be working out those pitfalls in due course – the simple awareness to not blame oneself and/or the other for being a feeling being makes such perfect sense that to “give grace” would not be required once the habit of blaming is eradicated. KUBA: So I guess the main thing I need to experientially clarify for myself, is what leads to change. You wrote :
This is also a good clue, because I do have this tendency to treat it as if it is some psychological case, that is where the rumination and the all or nothing approach comes in. That ‘I’ will observe these feelings and structures and ‘I’ will draw a map of the various past causes etc. But then by the end of it, there is no change! It seems where change typically has happened is where I get sick of going round in circles and just stop. So it is like I get there in the end but with much time wasted. VINEETO: Ha, I guess you are not aware what Richard wrote of the aims of psychology –
A fellow forum-member reported his own experiential finding after having sought some psychological professional help –
So, psychology is certainly not a feature of the Third Alternative and has no solutions for the disease called the human condition. Heck, they are as convinced as everyone else that ‘you can’t change human nature’. KUBA: And from what I can see, what leads to change is essentially what you wrote here :
So essentially this rumination is clutter, and it can be discarded,
which means then I do not require some long though-out process to grant me the permission to get back to feeling good
or to leave behind some dearly held aspect of ‘me’. VINEETO: Yes, what you need is the sincere intent, an obsession if you like, to do whatever is necessary to get back to being as felicitous and innocuous as possible – both for your own benefit and that of your fellow human beings. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: There is nothing wrong with being fatally attracted to an actual freedom – everyone who succeeded in becoming actually free was, in fact, fatally attracted. ED: Indeed and I did not get that impression. I understood you to be describing two different things: the fatal attraction itself, and the fatal attraction syndrome which is an identity’s reaction of repulsion to said fatal attraction. Am I comprehending properly? KUBA: Hi Ed and Vineeto, I remember in the past couple of years maybe 3/4 times when something like this happened. In that there would be this mounting forward momentum and it would seem that actual freedom could happen at any moment, and then there would be this “oh shit” moment where ‘I’ as the controller would halt the motion completely and resume full controls. For ‘Vineeto’ it was the impression that Richard was a mad man but for ‘me’ it was always this fear that ‘I’ am out of control rather than out from control. So each time it was this sense that ‘I’ had to immediately resume the controls in order not to be dangerous to others. Now I am not sure if these were sensible responses to seeing that sorrow and malice was indeed still live in ‘me’ and thus the controls could not be let go of safely or whether it was something more cunning on ‘my’ part with regards to making sure that ‘I’ do not proceed towards actual freedom. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, It is fascinating what you now remember – I understand much better when you said previously that you pushed towards ‘self’-immolation and hit a wall or an impenetrable membrane-like substance. Once you even imbedded a short cartoon-strip. Perhaps you now unearthed the foundation block of your fears that if you were to allow yourself to go out from control you would be running amok/ going out of control. And it makes sense to ‘you’, the controller, that ‘you’ are desperately needed not to create havoc. It’s akin to going insane if you proceed – the deepest fear humans have, more terrible than death, getting locked up in a psychic ward. It’s a deep-seated taboo. This time you say you remember “there would be this mounting forward momentum” whereas in the previous report I remember you saying you “would go for self-immolation” or something of that kind? My question is, was it pure intent carrying you forward or something else? However, when you get back to feeling good where you can sensibly contemplate this fear, does it still make sense? Is there a precedent in your life that this could happen? While, yesterday and today, I was scrolling through the past 1000 or so posts you had written, unsuccessfully looking for that cartoon-strip where the character is suddenly blocked by an invisible membrane I found many, many posts of you from last year where you described having a great time being naïve, blithesome and enjoying being alive but not a single description of having run amok. For instance –
There were many more valuable insights and lived experiences of being naïve, which in the face of fear are of course forgotten, for instance –
And something you understood then regarding insanity –
KUBA: But each time when this happened it would shake ‘me’ to ‘my’ core, the forward momentum would literally hit a wall and no further motion would be allowed as it seemed dangerous, dangerous in terms of being dangerous to others though. The thing is, for starters I do not break the various laws and social protocols in place but furthermore I live with a sincere intent to be harmless and happy. Basically I certainly do not live and act in a way that is dangerous to others, the danger that ‘I’ pose is by virtue of still ‘being’. It seems what would happen is that as the forward momentum was building ‘I’ would progressively kick away the last bits of controls in place and then some event would happen where sorrow or malice would briefly pop up, but because the controls would not be in place I would be completely freaked out by it and just shut down right there and then. I just thought I would mention this as Ed’s words reminded me of these events. VINEETO: I am wondering if the main reason why “it would shake ‘me’ to ‘my’ core” is because this “forward momentum” was perhaps propelled by ‘you’, the controller, and not via the organic happening of the ever-increasing irresistible experience of pure intent. You said just a week ago –
And regarding pure intent you said –
And most recently –
I think you have the answers already which way to proceed – into more and more naiveté following the flavour of pure intent – and allowing things to happen of their own accord. KUBA: Also it seems that after these events is where ‘I’ as
the controller would come back with double the force, to try to purify ‘myself’ completely before any further
attempts could be contemplated, which of course cannot be done, as ‘I’ am the passions. VINEETO: Yes, that seems the most natural reaction, especially when/if the controller has set up the whole scenario to scare you back into line as you move closer to getting out from under control. Here is something which might help you understand –
Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: A few days ago I started to rememorate the flavour of the “blessed anonymity” which I wrote about previously:
Since then I had this question pop up – “who am ‘I’ in relation to others?”,
this fascinated question has been held specifically in a way to reveal those very outlines of ‘me’ as an
identity, to see exactly what it is that stands in the way of the “blessed anonymity” for this flesh and
blood body, which is ‘me’ in ‘my’ totality. A fatal attraction is a good word for the pull towards this
blessed anonymity, because it is the end for ‘me’ and also the end of ‘my’ struggle, that blessed anonymity
is where pure intent beckons. The other thing which I started to understand is the necessity of altruism, that those outlines of ‘me’ cannot be
dissolved any other way, it is why no psychology or philosophy etc could ever succeed, because it takes something
different altogether, that is what Richard discovered. In short it takes a powerful instinct (altruism) to overcome
another powerful instinct (selfism), these things are rooted way deeper than mere intellectualising could ever reach. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Thank you for your report about the most recent significant insights. A lot had to happen for them to be so clear now. I also appreciate your second report – KUBA: A couple of hours ago I had this experience that was unlike anything else before. I can only describe it as experiencing ‘the veil’ or ‘the other side of the mirror’ etc. It wasn’t like any of the EE’s, PCE’s or various glimpses of actuality in the past. It’s like if so far ‘I’ have been sailing around looking for the land called “terra actualis”, and sometimes getting a peek of it through ‘my’ binoculars or other times the clouds parting and seeing it over there in the distance… This was like ‘I’ sailed right up to its shores, got out the boat and stood before it, to know (with a 100% certainty) that ‘I’ can never enter. And seeing that ‘other side of the mirror’ there is indeed a factually existing world where this body lives, which is simply perfect. And indeed ‘I’ have to die for this body to be free to live there, that ‘I’ can see in a way that is undeniable now. So there were two things which were impressed on ‘me’ when ‘seeing past the veil’ (“seeing that ‘other side of the mirror’”): The actual world does genuinely exist and it is complete, consummate. ‘I’ have to die in order for this body to be free to live there. VINEETO: All the ‘dominoes’ seem to be in place now (see 125,000 dominoes What a great time to be alive! Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: At first it began as something like “could ‘I’
really?” as in could I actually proceed in that direction, of no longer being ‘anyone’ in particular, of no
longer ‘being’ at all. I followed that curiosity to realise that this is what I always wanted to be as an
actuality. That in that blessed anonymity is an actual innocence, but ‘I’ can never ‘be’ that, because ‘I’
am an identity. CHRONO: Mostly I had kept hitting a wall of resistance which I
can’t seem to get a look into. (…) Only recently I saw it as being made up of loyalty. And it’s like the
loyalty to the Human Condition itself if that makes sense. I’m finding that standing on my own two feet in the
sense of feeling good come what may is bringing up feelings of doubt and anxiety as I am doing it irregardless what
others feel. Others meaning everyone in my life and even what I read on the news. Maybe I should return to the
question “can I emotionally accept that which is intellectually unacceptable?” VINEETO: Hi Kuba, hi Chrono, This morning, I read again a correspondence which I figured you, and in fact everyone, could gain possibly insight from – the “quaint little wonder-land tale” Richard told to Rick. First, it was fascinating to read Rick’s long question where he described in comprehensive detail life in the real world – all its pain and trouble of belonging, the alluring carrots of reward (of being accepted and approved of) and the crushing duty and responsibility in order to gain or those carrots or being punished for not doing enough. Then continue to read Richard’s response, condensing Rick’s tale of woe to the central problem of self-worth, or rather ‘self’-worth – “and self-worth as derived from others’ opinion at that”. He then masterly described, in the same masterly perfection as he once produced the pottery when ‘he’ had allowed the pottery to make itself – how at the exhibition and sale of this pottery “self-esteem and all its associated vanity and humility vanished out of my life forever”. It becomes glaringly obvious that when one can abandon the ‘carrot’, which Rick so eloquently described, i.e. one’s very relationship to humanity and its accompanying highly conditional ‘good’ feelings, then that is the end of all loyalty, duty and obligation towards humanity as well. This can be done born of the confidence based on one’s PCEs, active pure intent and the memory of previous moments, where one stunningly recognises when for some short moments life was living itself. Richard’s “quaint little wonder-land tale” is a perfect example how the ‘good’ feelings keep the ‘bad’ feelings in place, and when you realize that this ‘carrot’ is in fact without any worth whatsoever, then all the anxiety and heavy lifting obtaining it is equally useless. Enjoy. (Richard, List D, Rick, Re: Humanity: My
God Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, Thank you for this pointer, I have been looking at it the past day as there is certainly something there! Although I cannot pinpoint what the ‘carrot’ could be for ‘me’. I certainly can relate to Rick’s predicament, I remember many times in the past wanting to break free from that “abusive relationship” to ‘humanity’ and yet never being able to succeed. It was very useful the way you explained it, that it is the ‘good’ which keeps the bad in place, and in those past unsuccessful attempts I was only ever looking at the bad. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, You are very welcome. When you pay affective awareness to any diminishment of enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive and detect a ‘good’ feeling, or a ‘bad’ feelings in reaction to some ‘good’ expectation not fulfilled, you will soon be able to identify those ‘good’ feelings which are the most cherished. I am also reminded of Geoffrey’s words again –
KUBA: Also things have definitely changed since that experience of ‘the veil’. Just as a side point too I remember when looking past ‘the veil’ and later on thinking “I can’t believe that is where Vineeto lives! (and writes from)”. It’s funny because I have projected all sorts of ‘Vineeto’s’ when corresponding with you, one of the most persistent ones was a ‘Vineeto’ who likewise dishes out the carrots and sticks, of course it was actually ‘my’ own ‘self’-worth behind it all. VINEETO: Ha, and all the while I have been here where I always am, supporting you in what you expressed, again and again, as your destiny. KUBA: But that experience was so clear in showing that there is
nothing of the psyche which remains into the actual world, so I see it all completely differently now. VINEETO: Excellent. It could be that you are still catching up with all the implications and ramifications of your past experiences. Enjoy it and appreciate it, you can always tell the story afterwards. * KUBA: Hi Vineeto, I think it may be good to go into some more detail as to what changed… I find it quite hard to explain but it is like I am being constantly pulled towards that place which was seen past ‘the veil’, and it is like the ‘psychic bubble’ which ‘I’ am is very thin. And yet there is still something keeping ‘me’ in place, and connected to ‘humanity’. Like you said the dominoes are in place and yet the first one hasn’t been knocked yet. Actually it reminds me of Geoffrey’s words that first it is seeing the enormity of ‘my’ extinction, and then it is the deciding to proceed anyways, and that is when the out from control process commences. It seems I am somewhere in there.
VINEETO: That’s good to know. “Being constantly pulled” is pure intent, now activated and active, and the more you allow it to pull you the stronger it is experienced. This is how Vineeto described ‘her’ experiences two weeks after the event –
Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, VINEETO: You are very welcome. When you pay affective awareness to any diminishment of enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive and detect a ‘good’ feeling, or a ‘bad’ feelings in reaction to some ‘good’ expectation not fulfilled, you will soon be able to identify those ‘good’ feelings which are the most cherished. I am also reminded of Geoffrey’s words again –
KUBA: I have had these words on my mind constantly – that it is the ‘good’ which keeps the ‘bad’ in place. I think this is something very crucial and I don’t think I have ever seen the full extent of what this means. Firstly it is the biggest taboo within ‘humanity’ to consider abandoning the ‘good’ (along with the ‘bad’) this is being a traitor and then some, it means to abandon everything that ‘humanity’ holds as precious. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Whenever I read Geoffrey’s report, I understood “my precious” to be what Richard frequently describes as “what ‘I’ hold most dear”, ‘me’ the identity. However, ultimately it does not matter because Richard makes it clear in the quote I sent you 8 days ago –
It is those who were here before you, who instruct and viscerally pass on to every ‘newcomer to this planet’ on what is to be held ‘precious’ but it has its foundation in your, and everyone’s, genetically encoded instinctual passions. Hence it is your very nature to be living, supporting and maintaining that ultimate value. KUBA: Secondly even for an actualist it seems to be the last bastion where ‘I’ can hide too, well it seems that way for ‘me’ anyways. It’s like along the way I question many things and make many discoveries and then this last one is this question of – could it be that all along it was the ‘good’ which kept the ‘bad’ in place. VINEETO: It is the last bastion. After you have been looking into – and understanding – all the various aspects of your own psyche which prevent you from actually being here, you finally see and viscerally understand that everyone is living by the same passionate template, that ‘your’ fear, ‘your’ desires, ‘your’ nurture and ‘your aggression is at core the same as everyone else’s. Ultimately, hiding in the “bastion” of ‘humanity’ you are still only holding onto your own precious ‘self’.
KUBA: Then thirdly is the seeing that it is precisely when both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ are abandoned that perfection becomes apparent. Because it is precisely that battle between ‘good’ and ‘evil’ which obscures the perfection and purity of this moment in time and this place in space. And then there is seeing the enormity of the ramifications of this, of what it means to abandon both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’, it’s stepping out of ‘humanity’ and proceeding where only pure intent beckons. (link) VINEETO: Richard says it much better than I ever can – it is one seamless process as ‘you’ and ‘humanity’ are one and the same.
Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, Thank you, reading and contemplating these recent posts is getting right to the nitty gritty of
‘me’, it’s like I am looking under this and that piece of rubble with this sense that the next thing I lift to
look under might well result in the whole thing collapsing. And there is like a stillness that has descended all over
whilst contemplating all this. Reading your recent reply has shifted my attention to the fact that it is ‘me’ in
‘my’ totality which is the “precious thing”, ‘I’ am the thing ‘I’ hold most dear, ‘I’ agree
to give up ‘my’ very ‘self’ for an actual freedom to eventuate. It is certainly exhilarating and destinal to
know that this is precisely what is to happen next. JAMES: This has helped me to understand what is meant by ‘my
precious’. It is the ‘I/me’ itself which we make so precious and it is nothing but a figment which is all made
up of feelings and beliefs. KUBA to James: The thing is that this “figment” is all that ‘I’ have ever known and all that ‘I’ have ever ‘been’, it is the entirety of ‘me’ and of ‘my’ life. Your assessment reduces the enormity of what is at stake for ‘me’ into something between hopeful intellectualisation and dissociation. As in let ‘me’ first create some distance from ‘myself’ and then reduce this ‘self’ placed ‘over there’ into a collection of feelings and beliefs, kept alive only because “we make it so precious”. The end result of this exercise is that ‘I’ will then try to end this mere “figment” by some kind of ‘seeing through’ etc. I know this because I have done this countless times! But the key question here is just how on earth could the above ever trigger altruism? A self-sacrificial instinct. JAMES to Kuba: Good points, I see what you mean. I have taken something with enormous consequences and made it sound like nothing. To make it trigger altruism I would have to put my all into it which I obviously haven’t done. Thank you for confronting me with that. I now want to dismiss it which is what I have always done but you have inspired me to look deeper. By looking deeper I see why it is called ‘my precious’ which makes it untouchable. It would indeed take altruism to undo it as you said. It is the very thing ‘I am’. It seems that altruism must come from within. No one else can do it for me. Want
is coming up. I need to want it like I have never wanted anything. I see that I have to do it for this body, that
body and everybody. I want to do it for you. Can you do it? VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Hi James, This has been a very enjoyable conversation to read. This very intimacy (“I want to do it for you”) combined with the active experiencing of pure intent – the infinitely magnificent purity and perfection of the universe – can indeed lead to and invoke ‘your’ sacrificial acquiescence for the benefit of this body, that body and every body. Here is something Richard explained to Rick, which may be of use for inspiration and delightful
vivifying contemplation (I am aware that I have sent a quote on the same topic to Kuba in May this year
I wish you both profound enjoyment in the “exhilarating and destinal” adventure you have embarked on. Cheers Vineeto
Freedom from the Human Condition – Happy and Harmless Vineeto’s & Richard’s Text ©The Actual
Freedom Trust: 1997-. All Rights Reserved.
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