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(List D refers to Richard’s List D Vineeto’s Correspondence with Kuba on Discuss Actualism Forum
VINEETO: Well, well, I was literally astounded that this was so eye-opening for you. At
first, I thought it was too trite to write it out, it being the actualism method 101. What an effect a choice of a
different expressions can make! Perhaps it has something to do with the serious conditioning of mainly the
male of the species to not show or express fear of any kind – and therefore not to feel fear – whatever the circumstances.
[Emphasis by Kuba]. KUBA: Yes there is something of that kind exactly which I could sum it up with the admonition to – “keep yourself together”. I only have to go back to mine and Sonya’s wedding to demonstrate such a thing. That when the weight of the situation (it being a public event and the rest of it) begins to be felt there is the sense that Sonya could publicly express her potential anxiety or what have you, that perhaps it would even be seen as cute etc And then I as the man feel that I am to “be the rock”, that I must “keep it together”. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Thank you for your long and perspicacious reply. It’s a good way to sum up one of the major social identity rules for a ‘man’ – to “keep it together”, as a provider and protector. Given that this particular conditioning is rooted in the social identity, i.e. the whole image/ persona you have imbibed from childhood onward of ‘who’ you should be, it would make sense to dismantle this identity first. To explain, the social identity is overlaid over the instinctual passions attempting to curb the worst excesses but can be safely dismantled with an active pure intent in place. Even though one can become actually free without having dismantled the whole of one’s social identity – if aspects of it bother you now then now is the time to examine those and may remove a lot of your present ‘jitters’. It will also remove various obstacles/ concerns which you may come across exploring the full range of naiveté and being as close to innocence as a ‘self’ can be. There is a very useful and informative article on “The Formation and Persistence of the
Social Identity” I have also added a section in the “Basic to
Full Freedom” * VINEETO: You said it well – “fear of the jitters” – it is the fear of fear which is the largest aspect of it, and once you allow the feeling itself without feeding it with fear of fear then what remains is mostly small potatoes. KUBA: And this is exactly it, again taking the wedding situation as an example, it is not that there is an issue with fear per se, it is rather that by admitting/ showing/ being seen to be afraid I am “not keeping it together”. VINEETO: Ha, there is a reason why an ongoing excellence experience is called Being-out-from-under-control – the control being determined by your social conditioning. KUBA: This is a pretty fascinating topic actually because I can see this being a very core feature of being a ‘man’, the rock, the protector, the one that has it under control etc. What ‘I’ fear more than fear itself is being publicly known to be afraid. And of course this just becomes a layer cake of fear and anxiety. As Claudiu wrote I do often experience it in the chest region and it seems it is exactly because of it becoming that “layer cake”, that if this fear is allowed then it is experienced in the belly area. But of course considering the kind of conditioning that has been enforced on men through history I can see just how strong this would be. That this would be one of ‘my’ worst fates as a ‘man’ – to publicly be known to be afraid. VINEETO: This is certainly a promising field of investigation, and you will be surprised how freeing it is when the various layers of this conditioning fall by the wayside when you discover how redundant all these aspects of ‘you’, the guardian, really are when pure intent is guiding you. KUBA: Of course it is not to do with publicly showing this or that, as it is about neither expressing nor repressing the fear and ‘being’ that fear without moving in either direction. But the most insidious outcome of this conditioning is that ‘I’ separate ‘myself’ from ‘my’ fear and thus lock it into that “layer cake”. Then ‘I’ can only crank up the aggression on ‘myself’ and fight this fear as if ‘I’ am fighting dragons and various other monsters. And of course in the process ‘I’ become callous, insensitive etc. What a fascinating thing it is to untangle all this, and as Richard said absolutely nothing can be swept under the rug – indeed it will come out sooner or later. So what I can see is that initially this way of dealing with fear is what ‘I’ did to fit into ‘my’ role as a man. But once habituated this became a problem in its own right, because the only thing ‘I’ could ‘do’ with ‘my’ fear was to turn it into a layer cake and then fight with it. VINEETO: It’s great that you see this because now your focus of attention has shifted to where the first problem is, not fear itself but the role you have accepted simply because you were born as a male flesh-and-blood body. KUBA: And this aspect of using aggression to cover up / deal with ‘my’ feelings, this can be observed as a very common coping strategy for men. That to be emotional equals being weak / not keeping it together. Now I am not proposing the opposite of this (which is quite a popular flavour of belief these days) that “true strength lies in vulnerability” etc. This would simply be to move from suppression to expression. VINEETO: It is more about untangling this whole mess and seeing that ‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feelings are ‘me’, that whatever feeling is currently taking place in the affective faculty – ‘I’ am ‘being’ that feeling. And once this is seen (with any feeling whatsoever) it is remarkably freeing. Again, there is a third alternative – look at the specific morals and ethics and beliefs and attitudes and persona you have taken on board with their accompanying beliefs and principles and see if any of them is worth keeping (apart from paying lip service and obeying the laws of the land and social protocols).
KUBA: In fact it is as if now I understand the actualism method fully – In that I know there is not a single feeling that ‘I’ could experience which is not something ‘I’ am at the same time ‘being’. That is to say ‘I’ am no longer afraid of this and that feeling, they are not something coming from ‘out there’ to get ‘me’. And this applies without exception to anything at all that takes place in the affective faculty, which means ‘I’ always have a choice in how ‘I’ am experiencing this moment of being alive. And taking the above into account whilst knowing experientially what is possible for ‘me’ to live, of course it is ‘being’ naïveté that is the optimum manner in which ‘I’ can experience this moment of being alive – there is no reason at all not to live it each moment again. VINEETO: What I am suggesting, when I talk about the beliefs which make up one’s social identity is that when you look at a particular belief/ principle which includes a whole range of associated feelings, then once you are able to see through that particular belief and replace it with the factual evidence that it’s unnecessary, the whole range of associated feelings will also disappear. KUBA: I will just add the below too :
This really hit the nail on the head too, of course I don’t have to find it at all, in the same way I wouldn’t write something like – I can feel good some of the time so I need to find a way to feel good all of the time. It is the same way! If I can get back to feeling good once I can get back to feeling good every time. There is not a separate way for once and another for all of the time. VINEETO: Yes, there is no separate way for any of your feelings, but if they are kept in situ by a feeling-fed thought, i.e. one or more beliefs, then you look at the belief(s) first. You must be delighted to have found more puzzles to solve. KUBA: The key word is habituation. Whereas it seems often ‘I’ am looking for a Hail Mary.
VINEETO: Mmh, I’m not sure that either “habituation” or “Hail Mary” are the way to proceed. I’m confident you will let me know. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, I will reply to your lates post here: VINEETO: You must be delighted to have found more puzzles to solve. KUBA: Actually for the first time this is not something that I am finding very attractive anymore. Looking around in this area of being a ‘man’ I cannot seem to find much else. Hi Kuba, That is good news. KUBA: However I do agree with what you wrote here:
KUBA: Those last 2 points are relevant and related, in that there is clearly something blocking naiveté from flourishing fully. And I very much find this prospect attractive, to find a way for naiveté to flourish fully – both because of the immediate reward and because it is the best thing ‘I’ can presently do to get closer to reaching ‘my’ destiny. What I can locate in myself which is possibly blocking naiveté from flourishing is this deep feeling that I am disliked by others. This feeling goes against all my day to day experience so clearly there is something there. As an example with my hen party work, I have done at least a thousand of these events now and in 99% of the cases they are all having a great time and clearly they very much enjoy having me there. And yet almost every time as I am on my way to meet a new group there is this deep feeling/ expectation/ belief that they will dislike me. Now this feeling will usually disappear within a couple of minutes of me meeting the group as I find out yet again that they are enjoying my company. And yet the next time around the expectation is still there, against this overwhelming amount of data pointing in the other direction. So clearly there is this aspect of – fervently wishing something to be true. VINEETO: So the original issue of “keep it together” revealed a general anxiety – “this deep feeling that I am disliked by others”. KUBA: It seems this may be related to the fact that I was never able to quite relate like others did. That there were all these rules and double meanings and hidden messages that perhaps I could not pick up and inadvertently I would sooner or latter accidentally transgress some expectation or boundary. I always found people to be very volatile in this manner, that niceness would very quickly turn to malice when I did not “play ball”. Now again this really seems like a “phantom problem” because I can’t remember the last time someone was less than nice towards me. VINEETO: The way you describe this it looks like a habitual expectation, held in place for many years. Before I reply in detail, let me ask you if you wrote this post while feeling good, feeling excellent, or did you write it while in the grip of being anxious? I ask because contemplation about any emotional issue works best when feeling good and further below you list all the reasons justifying having this feeling, which in the actual situation “will usually disappear within a couple of minutes”. KUBA: But perhaps the belief is that the only reason I am able to maintain niceness with others is because I am “playing ball” with them and so if the controller was to disappear and then ‘I’ was ‘being’ naiveté as an ongoing modus operandi then ‘my’ very presence would be an irritant to others. VINEETO: The way you described how you experience life appears way past “playing ball” and being nice. To believe that you would be an “irritant to others” you would have to ignore/ overlooked what I said only two days ago –
These felicitous and innocuous vibes/ currents are also highly contagious. KUBA: There was something that was written in one of the links you included: That the society we exist in is a fun and sex depreciating society, it’s a bit like that. It’s not just a case of the fear of being different but I am worried about people attacking me when I no longer give credence to all this seriousness. That by living naively and in gay abandon I will sooner or later accidentally transgress some boundary. Will I laugh when I was supposed to be serious? Will I forget to reciprocate some unspoken rule? Will I not realise that they other expects me to respond in this particular way etc. And I am scared of this, because I have seen just how quickly the so-called goodness flips into malice, that I am a friend as long as I “play ball” and then very quickly I become foe. VINEETO: This is not to make light of your reasons for feeling scared – and it could well be an atavistic [archaic, primal, primitive] fear passed on for generations that it is dangerous to leave the herd – but it is nevertheless a feeling and no longer a fact in the society you live in, that as long as you use your adult sensibilities being naïve will not get you killed. At the start of actualism feeling being ‘Vineeto’ had similar atavistic fears that if ‘she’ stepped out of line ‘she’ could be burned at the stake, as had happened in the middle ages – and this fear was no picnic at first –
Objectively “this really seems like a ‘phantom problem’”, except that you believe it to be possibly true, based on very old memories and habituation. KUBA:
Actually, the correspondence Richard had on the AFT when he first went public is a perfect demonstration of
this, and the same for ‘Peter’ and ‘Vineeto’. What incredible push back against well-meaning fellow human
beings demonstrating a different way of doing things. Addendum: I guess Richard never experienced a single ‘bite’ though and was obviously physically safe throughout
all this discussion. So I wonder is it the same with ‘being’ naiveté, that of course there is a world of
identities that would demand one to be serious and yet it doesn’t have to count for anything at all. VINEETO: Indeed, Richard met plenty of doubt and opposition when he first wrote on the spiritual mailing lists (List A, a supposedly atheistic list) and List B (followers of J. Krishnamurti) but the most extensive and outright vicious witch-hunt started after the Direct Route was successfully opened, and the people in the real world felt a threatening wind that actualism would disrupt in their accustomed (malicious/ sorrowful and highly valued) way of life. This was never spelt out, or even recognized, but their actions of pulling out all the stops of civilized decency revealed their actions as an attempt to stop peace on earth in its tracks. It went for over two years and Richard not only “never experienced a single ‘bite’”
but also had a lot of fun and skill exposing the three main instigators (No. 6, No. 4 and No. 2 including their
multiple sock-puppets) plus the two list-trolls with their multiple sock-puppets (No. 5 and No. 37) as the poltroons,
liars and persecutors they were by demonstrating their own internal contradictions – hanging them by their own
rope, so to speak. You can read the correspondence I know from experience that “‘being’ naiveté” takes courage to start with, once you leave the safety of your familiar surrounding – it also takes daring and caring – then you focus on the thrilling aspect and soon the jitters will wither away. Then you start getting into the grove of being naïve, experience the joy and remember to appreciative the adventure, and allow the universe to live you more and more, and the confidence of the palpable benignity and benevolence of pure intent is your guide, and carries you all the way.
You might also enjoy the next one –
Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: And I am scared of this, because I have seen just how quickly the so-called goodness flips into malice, that I am a friend as long as I “play ball” and then very quickly I become foe. Actually the correspondence Richard had on the AFT when he first went public is a perfect demonstration of this, and the same for ‘Peter’ and ‘Vineeto’. What incredible push back against well meaning fellow human beings demonstrating a different way of doing things. This is certainly what I have enjoyed immensely when talking with you Vineeto, that there is no
malice that I could accidentally trigger, it is so safe. And of course at times you will discover something that will
trigger ‘me’ but that is ‘my’ business. It is an impression which has burned itself deep into ‘me’,
seeing what it is like to interact with somebody that will never ever ‘bite’. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, I appreciate your perspicacity – and it gives you lived examples how you yourself can not only
survive but thrive without the instinctual passions operating, in a felicitous and innocuous way, especially as you
told me in a memorable post that “in short what ‘I’ deeply and passionately care about is to be innocence
personified.” I am also amazed how quickly being scared of the (imagined) consequences of being naïve have
evaporated after you “allowed ‘myself’ to deeply feel and fully divulge this feeling”. KUBA: Ok so I am starting to understand what is being spoken about with regards to being out from control. In that so far the success of the actualism method has relied on ‘my’ ongoing imitative felicity and innocuity, this is what delivers an in control virtual freedom. It is ‘my’ involvement each moment again which ensures a consistent virtual peace and harmony. VINEETO: If you mean “imitative” in the sense that you imitate actuality, being naively happy and harmless is indeed imitating the actual experience of a PCE until ‘your’ demise. KUBA: And now having gained confidence in the ultimate beneficence of the universe ‘I’ can allow an ongoing felicity and innocuity and an ongoing peace and harmony which is no longer of ‘my’ doing. VINEETO: Ah, now I understand the way you meant “imitative” – not instigated/ generated by the ‘controller’ but pure intent given free reign by the naïve beer. KUBA: I twigged onto this when I caught myself planning for the BJJ session which I am to teach tonight. And then I realised that I already know that it will go well, that ‘I’ don’t have to be vigilant anymore and that instead ‘I’ can allow the session to run itself. And that not only is this safe but even better than ‘I’ can otherwise accomplish through vigilance. It seems this is the direction to travel, that it is through having confidence in the ultimate
beneficence of the universe that ‘I’ allow the perfection and purity which has nothing to do with ‘me’ to
live this life more and more. That is to say ‘I’ can step out from control. VINEETO: And this is truly wonderful. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: It clicked as I was going to sleep that actual freedom delivers the goods because the meaning of life is not what ‘I’ have or what ‘I’ earn/ generate but rather it is intrinsic to what I am as a flesh and blood body. Which means that this flesh and blood body can never ever get away from meaning, that it is there at all times and in all circumstances – it is unconditional. So as I was falling asleep I saw where everyone has been going wrong, in that people have been seeking to live the meaning provided by society/ blind nature and that this is forever doomed to fail. And that there is another way now, the one which delivers the goods, and that is to live the meaning provided by the universe. VINEETO: Exactly, “to live the meaning provided by the universe” and doing so one is being the universe experiencing itself as a sentient flesh-and-blood body. KUBA: And how silly to have such faith and trust and belief in what was provided by society/ blind nature and then to reject what the universe provides, how back to front!? I can’t really say it any better than Richard has already :
So as I was falling asleep there was this solid seeing, that of course the universe knows what
it is doing, of course the meaning provided by the universe is actual and delivers the goods. And on the other hand
there was this seeing that my whole life I gave credence to the meaning provided by society/ blind nature and that
this was putting my eggs in the wrong basket as it can never deliver the goods VINEETO: Yes, “the universe knows what it is doing” and “the meaning provided by the universe is actual and delivers the goods”, and you know from many PCEs and even excellence experiences that this is so. And to be fair, you can also acknowledge what you have been doing right for quite some time, you have been removing many of your “eggs” from the instinctual/ societal “basket”, so much so that you can now recognize there is no meaning in that basket your genetic programming has presented you with. Richard goes on to say on the very next page –
Is the irrevocability Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: I was thinking to myself that I am ready to proceed into the unknowable, that whatever the universe “has in store” after ‘I’ disappear, that it will deliver the goods, that it cannot go wrong.
This seems the crux of it all, that the goods don’t even have to be delivered, they are already here now. It’s like it couldn’t possibly be any closer as it is already always here now, what a bizarre situation! It’s like I am back to trying to utter that word that I can’t quite pronounce So ‘I’ go on this long journey to realise that perfection has been here right under ‘my’
nose all this time. And in that sense it seems the easiest thing in the world. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, I just watched an old movie “Postcards from the Edge” and while the film wasn’t very novel in its theme, the ending was nevertheless poignant – Meryl Streep, after realizing that she only needs to stop blaming everyone for her ‘bad luck’ in life in order to finally stand on her own two feet, singing in her raucous voice “I am checking out of this heart-break hotel”. It is always a pleasure seeing someone, anyone, even in a fantasy mimicking real life, finding a bit more freedom and joy in their lives. Now, to be witness to someone I am in correspondence with for a year and who is being on the brink of ‘breaking out’ is a genuine privilege and rare delight. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: What a fascinating experience I just had! I can’t sleep now following it so I thought I might as well write about it. So I was in that half-asleep state in bed about 15min ago and I was enjoying a very fascinating
journey through the psyche. It was as if ‘I’ was taken on a journey through the entirety of ‘my’ life but the
key aspect was that it was clear that ‘I’ have been nothing but a marionette pulled by the strings of
conditioning. It was a very fun journey and ‘I’ was definitely enjoying it in a fascinated way. And so as ‘I’ was moving through the journey ‘I’ eventually got to the very start of it all, the beginning – ‘I’ was astounded to find no-one at all. There was no god, no ‘higher intelligence’, no ultimate meaning etc. What ‘I’ discovered is perfectly described by the words – blind nature. In that indeed the conditioning is pulling on the marionette and yet there is ‘noone’ or ‘nothing’ ‘behind it all’ – it is all simply a set of blind instinctual patterns. Now this might not seem as big as I initially made it out. But the ramifications are huge! It means that there is absolutely no purpose or meaning at all to suffering, it means that all those people who suffered or sacrificed or died for any of the causes which flow from the conditioning – it all happened for absolutely nothing at all. It means that no matter how noble or sophisticated the various belief systems, it is all over absolutely nothing at all. ‘I’ still remember the surprise that ‘I’ experienced, to find ‘noone/ nothing’ at
all ‘behind it all’, simply a set of blind instinctual patterns – of course ‘humanity’ has turned these
into something rather romantic and made a ginormous hoo-ha out of it all, and yet it is all over absolutely nothing,
no meaning or purpose ‘behind it’ at all. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Isn’t this a great discovery! This apperceptive insight lived experientially is the end of believing any and all principles and concepts, axioms and ideals, tenets and illusions (as long as you comply with the legal laws and observe the social protocols). Now there is nothing (credible) in the way to altruistically allow, with supreme confidence, the very core of ‘being’ itself – the selfish instinct for individual survival – to disappear into the same “‘nothing’ ‘behind it all’”. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Yes indeed! And what a contrast I see now, there is ‘me’ who naturally feels/believes to be ultimately precious and intrinsically important and now that very same ‘me’ has been exposed to be nothing but an expression of a blind instinctual pattern. No wonder Geoffrey had such a laugh over all this, all this seriousness, all the sophistication over something that is a piece of crude instinctual programming. I always had various glimpses of this but this time it was seen so clearly, so totally. The instinctual programming was naked and exposed… Seen for the crude and blind pattern that it is. And as such it is worth absolutely nothing, ‘my’ precious is worth absolutely nothing. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Ha, I figured you can now make the connection to Geoffrey’s report. When everything is swept out from under the carpet, there is nothing left to hide, to defend, to hold precious, or to fear. Simply stillness – the stillness of infinite space and eternal time. Cheers Vineeto PS: But isn’t it amazing and miraculous that this “crude and blind pattern” has evolved human being to being sentient, sensible, sensuous, intelligent human beings capable of apperception and thus able to free themselves of the dictates of blind nature’s software and discover the actual world with all its wonders!
VINEETO: When everything is swept out from under the carpet, there is nothing left to hide, to defend, to hold precious, or to fear. Simply stillness – the stillness of infinite space and eternal time. KUBA: Yes I see this now, it makes clear why ‘I’ was running into that “invisible wall” over and over in an attempt to ‘go somewhere’, it is ‘me’ trying to take ‘myself’ into actuality. This was the point which took the longest to sink in, that ‘I’ do not ‘go somewhere’, ‘I’ stay still until ‘my’ full exposure happens, it is when ‘I’ become extinct that there is only the stillness left, the destination was here all along. VINEETO: Indeed – it is impossible to imagine how one’s own extinction will happen – it is unimaginable. KUBA: That apperceptive seeing which took place last night is “swishing around” currently, it was a big one! It seems that currently it is still at a slight distance from ‘me’, in that there is the seeing just ‘over there’ and then there is ‘me’ as ‘I’ am. What I mean is that it has not fully and completely sunk in that this “crude and blind instinctual programming” is ‘me’ as ‘I’ am. It is like this slightest distancing which allows ‘me’ to remain. But it seems like ‘I’ cannot distance ‘myself’ for long, this is what ‘I’ mean by this seeing “swishing around”. Or I guess it is more accurate to say that ‘I’ have turned the apperceptive seeing into a realisation, hence the distance and the “swishing around”. VINEETO: That’s why I said “this apperceptive insight lived experientially” KUBA: What I do see though, and this is also big, is that ‘I’
don’t have to push towards ‘my’ self-immolation, and neither is it something ‘I’ do, it is ‘my’ full
exposure that makes it inevitable. And now ‘I’ am willing to be exposed, because ‘I’ have seen the very core
of ‘me’. There is confidence that it cannot go wrong, that it is ultimately safe for ‘me’ to be exposed, and
for this exposure to end ‘me’. VINEETO: Now you know experientially what Richard was talking about –
KUBA: There is something that I keep getting a glimpse of and I wonder if this is more of ‘me’ trying to take ‘myself’ into actuality or if it is genuine, it seems to me to be the latter. It reminds me of what Srinath wrote on this forum some time ago, to paraphrase it was that when he became actually free it was akin to one of those optical illusion images – where for example one only sees a witch until something shifts and only a rabbit is seen. Except that in this case there would be no way at all to ever see the witch again. This seems to be the “seamless transition” aspect, it doesn’t mean that it is not a total end for ‘me’, because it is, it’s not that ‘I’ am seeing life in a different manner. It’s more that in an instant and with no transition period ‘I’ become extinct and actuality becomes apparent, then it is known with absolute certainty that only actuality genuinely exists, that ‘I’ was never genuine. These glimpses that I keep getting are along these lines, that it is very very close and it can certainly happen now, there is nothing of substance that would prevent such a thing from happening. Also I can see that indeed it is the end for ‘me’ and yet it is completely safe. It is safe because of this aspect of actuality being instantaneously revealed to be already always here now. VINEETO: Ha, the only comment I will make is that you have a playful propensity to look around the next corner before you turn the corner. I think they are inventing telescopes for that. KUBA: So these glimpses
they are providing ‘me’ with utmost confidence to proceed towards ‘my’ extinction. As Richard said it cannot
be a 100% certainty until it clicks into place but it is a supreme confidence (as far as ‘I’ can have) in that it
is seen that a world exists after ‘my’ demise. VINEETO: I enjoy your “utmost confidence” as much as you do. All you have left to do now is to enjoy and appreciate. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Some more wonderful experiences are going on this morning, I woke up and experienced that flavour of the burden of ‘being’, of existing across the past – present – future as an identity, of existing in a cell of ‘my’ own making, of living out the “story of ‘my’ life”. But now I can see that there is an alternative, that ‘I’ can cease ‘being’, that ‘I’ don’t have to carry that burden anymore, it’s so simple! Because only ‘I’ exist across the past – present – future, this flesh and blood body does not, it is not coming from anywhere or going somewhere, it only exists here where this moment is happening, and it is the doing of what is happening. Before there was always this sense that ‘I’ had to muster a wanting to cease ‘being’, perhaps to overcome the strength of ‘my’ survival instincts, there was some kind of an internal struggle going on, with the wanting to cease ‘being’ on one hand and the drive to survive at all cost on the other. But this morning I am solidly experiencing that ‘I’ do indeed want to cease ‘being’, not in a sense of mustering anything, rather that it is simply what ‘I’ want. It is the end of all struggle, of all suffering, of all sorrow and malice. ‘I’ realise that ‘I’ am happy to give up the “story of ‘my’ life”, that it is not worth keeping anymore. It only ever brought pain and conflict. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, This is a great way of phrasing it – ‘I’ am nothing other than “the “story of
‘my’ life””, nothing more substantial than a (highly passionate) story. Of course, this “story”
is held in place by all the genetically inherited instinctual passions and the culturally increated
And with “the “story of ‘my’ life”” seen as insubstantial the internal struggle ceases as a result of the matter-of-fact recognition, seeing the fact, and then it simply makes sense to cease ‘being’. No struggle, no fear, no resistance. Actuality prevails over narrative – it’s a simple as that. As Geoffrey said –
KUBA: But what I am constantly amazed by is that the destination is right under my nose, this body is already here, everything is already in place, ‘I’ simply have to disappear. VINEETO: Yes, and that is the only reason why you can even contemplate to cease ‘being’ as a solution recognising that “‘being’ is suffering”, in fact why you are able to even fully acknowledge this – because of the supreme confidence that there is a much, much better alternative. And that fact in itself is so overwhelmingly amazing, to sweetly encouraging for those who are cognisant of the actual alternative. KUBA: As I was contemplating all this a few minutes ago I saw the ‘imprint’ that is ‘me’, that this will be erased. This ‘imprint’ of ‘being’ it is painful in itself somehow, that as long as ‘I’ am ‘being’ ‘I’ will suffer. It’s fascinating why this is so? Why is it that ‘being’ is suffering? I saw it just a moment ago ‘I’ was sat right there and seen to be nothing but suffering. That the very flavour of ‘being’ is suffering. ‘I’ am like a hot coal that is tightly grasped for no good reason at all. And this sense that the hot coal must be grasped, it is like a commandment – the very thrust of the survival instincts and also reinforced by society. This commandment carries this seemingly all powerful authority, that it is the 1 thing ‘I’ am never ever allowed to go against. But then I have already seen ‘behind the curtains’ of both blind nature and society, this authority has been exposed for a furphy. VINEETO: Indeed, and this imperative, this ‘self’-survival mechanism is operating for everyone – until someone, anyone, looks “behind the curtains” and finds out, for a fact, that ‘me’ is only a narrative, a fraud, an impostor. It’s a wondrous adventure to do that. KUBA: Hehe there is a conversation which Vineeto quoted a while back which just popped into my mind :
So yes I can see this now, there is the loyalty to the human
constitution which in itself is no little thing to crack, and yet there is the loyalty to the human condition (to
suffering) which does make the prior look like chicken-feed. VINEETO: Oh yes, ‘Vineeto’ never forgot that conversation where Richard was actually caring in telling ‘her’ from the start what was required and that it would be much bigger than the “chicken-feed” of abandoning loyalty. It nevertheless took ‘her’ another 10 years and 9 weeks to “crack that code”, like you are about to do, but one thing ‘she’ knew all the way that ‘she’ would never ‘do a Devika’, i.e. give up. What a grand adventure! Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: Hi Kuba, PS: In regards to your question “Why is it that ‘being’ is suffering?” – I just remembered that Richard had a very insightful conversation with James way back – and it was on the list of Geoffrey’s recommended reading too –
Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, Thank you for your reply : VINEETO: This is a great way of phrasing it – ‘I’ am nothing other than “the “story of ‘my’ life””, nothing more substantial than a (highly passionate) story. KUBA: This is great that I can see it in writing and coming from you, because this is exactly what I saw this morning, that if the “story of ‘my’ life” was to end, then ‘I’ would end along with it, it was seen as such a simple thing, an alternative that is available for the taking. But then later on there was this thinking/ doubting that maybe “the story of ‘my’ life” was just the social identity aspect and that there was some deeper or more substantial ‘me’ as ‘being’ that had an existence separate to the story itself – This line of thinking/ believing is kind of like veering into enlightenment territory. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, This is what I responded to –
Do you now wonder, if it was only your social identity aspect who wants “the end of all struggle”? Social identity is different to the spiritual ego. For enlightenment/ ego-death dissociation and sublimation of negative feelings is required while ramping up the ‘good’ feelings of love and compassion. This possibility hadn’t occurred to me but only you can know if that was the whole story or not. It’s useful to be scrupulously honest. Doubt, however is the other side of belief –
Would ‘you’ really manage inventing another “story”? (It might be pretty difficult after you have discovered the charade and you have apperceptively seen the fact that it is insubstantial, i.e. not actual). * VINEETO: And with “the “story of ‘my’ life”” seen as insubstantial the internal struggle ceases as a result of the matter-of-fact recognition, seeing the fact, and then it simply makes sense to cease ‘being’. No struggle, no fear, no resistance. Actuality prevails over narrative – it’s a simple as that. KUBA: Again this is so great to read, because it is confirmation of what I am experiencing. And in the past I thought that to self-immolate it required something almost like a special power, and now I am seeing that the code can be cracked by anybody. VINEETO: Yes, the code can be cracked and others have already succeeded. In fact, anybody can do it who is determined and intrepid enough to look “behind the curtains” and discover the whole factuality. * VINEETO: Indeed, and this imperative, this ‘self’-survival mechanism is operating for everyone – until someone, anyone, looks “behind the curtains” and finds out, for a fact, that ‘me’ is only a narrative, a fraud, an impostor. It’s a wondrous adventure to do that. KUBA: Again no special powers required, this is great. VINEETO: So far you have given such detailed and lucid descriptions of the process, how it was for you, that others can see too that no special powers are required. * VINEETO: Oh yes, ‘Vineeto’ never forgot that conversation where Richard was actually caring in telling ‘her’ from the start what was required and that it would be much bigger than the “chicken-feed” of abandoning loyalty. It nevertheless took ‘her’ another 10 years and 9 weeks to “crack that code”, like you are about to do, but one thing ‘she’ knew all the way that ‘she’ would never ‘do a Devika’, i.e. give up. KUBA: This is also nice to read, how ‘Vineeto’ approached ‘her’ quest, because ‘I’
have had the very same approach from the very start, and still do – that there is absolutely no possibility that
‘I’ will give up. VINEETO: It is this pioneer attitude that will deliver the goods – and anyone who is similarly determined will succeed sooner or later. Of course, it is pure intent, the non-affective sweetness/ tenderness and/or overarching benignity and benevolence, which allows you to be confident that you will arrive on Terra Actualis. ‘Vineeto’ didn’t know until her PCE and perhaps a few months into actualism that ‘she’ was so determined to go all the way. ‘She’ had been comparatively less enthusiastic in the spiritual search, so there was no way to tell beforehand. But once ‘she’ fully comprehended what was achievable – the 24hrs a day, 365 days a year living of the experience of her PCE – it was clear that this, and only this, was what ‘she’ wanted to do with ‘her’ life. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, VINEETO: Do you now wonder, if it was only your social identity aspect who wants “the end of all struggle”? KUBA: No, it is clear that it is the entirety of ‘my’ being that wants to end the struggle. I guess I was somewhat taken aback that in the final analysis ‘I’ am so insubstantial. ‘I’ will become extinct in ‘my’ entirety but since being exposed for the furphy that ‘I’ am this “entirety of ‘my’ being” doesn’t seem so substantial or serious anymore. I don’t know if I am explaining this too well – it’s that once there is that “peek behind the curtains” then it is no longer possible to see ‘myself’ in the same light anymore. It’s that once the charade is exposed for what it is then the drama looses its believability? It’s like ‘I’ know ‘I’ am a fraud, ‘I’ know ‘my’ life is a charade, so ‘I’ can’t take ‘myself’ seriously anymore. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, You did explain it quite well. When you can’t believe in “the drama”, i.e. when believing itself disappears in face of the fact exposed, then doubt is equally impossible. They are two sides of the same coin. So it’s worthwhile to check if the capacity of believing itself is fading and/or disappearing. * VINEETO: Would ‘you’ really manage inventing another “story”? (It might be pretty difficult after you have discovered the charade and you have apperceptively seen the fact that it is insubstantial, i.e. not actual). KUBA: Hehe yes it seems this would be next to impossible at this point, the “story of ‘my’ life” is hanging on by a thread as it is, ‘I’ am not sure how ‘I’ would go about inventing a new one. VINEETO: What “thread” is “the “story of ‘my’ life”” hanging on – the possibility that you will still find some substance? Sincerely, what would be the benefit of searching through the burlesque rubbish bin of your illusory history, now that it’s no longer backed up by affective substance. KUBA: I guess Devika managed but this would require a drastic
turn around, with some serious psychological/ psychic gymnastics to boot. VINEETO: Devika did not have the benefit of the Direct Route having been opened and several people having already demonstrated that it is an easy, seamless transition – you don’t have such mitigation. What about pure intent – do you experience the perfection of infinitude, the overarching benignity and benevolence emanating from the purity of the stillness beckoning you – or is your focus after all this still zeroed in on ‘you’ and ‘your’ fading story? You said yesterday –
Can it be that presently ‘you’ are not ready yet to “give up” on ‘you’? Yet here is what you said six days ago –
Perhaps you are trying to employ the same techniques as those which got you to this point, deliberating and doubting, weighing the evidence, searching for something you have overlooked … just to avoid taking “that last step into the unknown” – which is to agree to cheerfully and gaily, acquiesce altruistically and willingly, curiously and confidently allow ‘your’ demise to happen, knowing with superb inevitability that the resulting actual innocence will be for the benefit of all. In other words, “that last step” is not of your doing, it is giving the permission to let it happen (by not interfering one way or the other). Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Wow Vineeto your post… it’s like every word landed bullseye on the intended target, which is ‘me’. (…) There is stillness all around, the experience of it is amplified now as all that other ‘noise’ cleared away. (…) It is very wonderful to consider that all ‘I’ have left to do is to allow the universe to
disappear ‘me’. ‘I’ don’t resist it anymore, in fact it is so very peaceful for ‘me’ right now. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, I appreciate you understand – and the fact you report the “stillness all around” is confirmation that you do. Appreciate this “stillness all around” as much as you can and then some more, it’s the most wonderful, mirificent and magically sweet way of experiencing being alive. KUBA: But the one thing which I hadn’t quite put together is
that giving permission is by not interfering in one way or another. Perhaps it is that ‘I’ still believe that ‘I’
am required to crack the code. VINEETO: Ha, it’s always the hardest thing to acknowledge that ‘I’ am redundant, even though you experientially and apperceptively know that ‘you’ are. ‘You’ have done your job and have done it well, ‘you’ can contentedly retire having earned ‘your’ longed-for oblivion. Cheers Vineeto
Freedom from the Human Condition – Happy and Harmless Vineeto’s & Richard’s Text ©The Actual
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