February 19 2025

Vineeto (to Claudiu): The only time when you are possibly able to make a case is when naiveté stops operating, and pure intent is thus side-lined – then it becomes again “a puzzling state of affairs”. (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Claudiu4, 18 February 2025)

KUBA: Ok so this habit/mechanism is becoming pretty clear now, as it should after so many times it has resurfaced – Naiveté stops → connection to pure intent is cut → Now ‘I’ am once more doing sudorific things, solving puzzles etc.

And I know when I am being naiveté because it is all so easy, there is this uncapped optimism, I am doing it / it is happening, there is no space for solving puzzles, that would require hanging back. And as for sudorific challenges, it is way too fun to become involved in this manner.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Excellent.

Now you have the map, you can actualize it.

KUBA: huh, reading the quotes you posted, Vineeto, something did click there, it is something that I have seen before, the quotes I am referring to:

Richard: By ‘being with it’ as it was happening – without moving in any direction whatsoever with escapist thoughts, feelings or urges – ‘I’ would come to experience ‘being it’ … and ‘I’ am this fear and this fear is ‘me’. Thus ‘I’ came to experience ‘myself’ in all ‘my’ nakedness. All ‘I’ am, is this fear… In other words: ‘I’ am fear and fear is ‘me’ (and ‘I’ am aggression and aggression is ‘me’; ‘I’ am nurture and nurture is ‘me’; ‘I’ am desire and desire is ‘me’).

The direct experiencing of this is the ending of ‘me’ … and I am this flesh and blood body only being here now as only this moment is. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List B, No. 33a, 8 October 1999).

Richard: When it is understood that the one is the epitome of the many and that ‘I’ am the ‘many’ and the ‘many’ is ‘me’ … ‘I’ self-immolate at the core of ‘being’. (Richard, List B, No 12b, 20 July 1998).

The seeing was almost like this entire game of being an identity is a misunderstanding. ‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feelings are ‘me’… Furthermore ‘I’ am the ‘many’ and the ‘many’ are ‘me’… There are only the passions and the drama which erupts due to these passions operating in human beings is called “the human condition”. Yet there are no ‘entities’ actually in existence, it is only that the passions have usurped human intelligence and created an illusory real world along with the various ‘who’s’ that live there.

VINEETO: Yes, you have seen it exactly. “This entire game of being an identity” is made seriously and deadly real via the instinctual passions. Just one correction – it is not that “the passions have usurped human intelligence” – it happened the other way round. The instinctual passions existed long before the human animal evolved into an intelligent human being. Here is a summary which I found so concise and brilliant that I like to post it here –

Richard: … it is the evolution of matter (mineral) into animate matter (life and/or nature) and thus animate matter (flora) into sensate animate matter (fauna) and sensate animate matter (saurian – mammalian – simian) into hominid sensate animate matter (proto-human) and hominid sensate matter into tool-making proto-human sensate matter (homo-habilis perhaps 2.0 million BCE) and tool-making proto-human sensate matter into tool-making fire-using human sensate matter (homo erectus perhaps 1.6 million BCE) and tool-making fire-using human sensate matter into tool-making fire-using symbol-writing human sensate matter (homo sapiens perhaps 100 thousand BCE). It is not until the advent of thought does the capacity to notice, remember, reflect, plan and thus implement considered activity for beneficial reasons (intelligence) evolve ... along with the amazing ability to pass this information to others of the species, including the next generation, via language communication skills rather than grunt and gesture conveyance. Then, and only then, emerges the trait that you describe as the ‘one essential driver for knowing oneself: the wonder, the awe, the curiosity as to ask these questions (who am I, where does the universe come from, etc.)’ which, as you say, is ‘only in the human being [where] nature achieves a self-reflective consciousness that is capable of understanding itself’. (…)

I meant it in the sense that different species evolve at different rates at different places around the world ... that there is no uniform evolution wherein a change here automatically happens there. Viz.: <snip>

I was therefore commenting that (in this specific instance) Indias’ paramount contribution to the retardation of evolution over the last 3,000 to 5,000 years (in that after maybe the millions of years of evolution necessary to evolve thought, thoughts and thinking (intelligence) in one animal species alone, the Masters and the Gurus and the Avatars and all the God-Men would have us value being thoughtless and mindless as if that is the highest virtue one can aspire to) is part of the mosaic of the evolutionary process and would soon become superseded when a mutation more fitted for survival takes precedence over such fantasy. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List B, No. 33b, 29 Nov 1999).

KUBA: It was the glimpse that ‘my’ very ‘being’ has no substance at all – that if ‘I’ am seen to be merely a feeling then ‘I’ cease to exist in the entirety of ‘my’ being. This seeing was that it would be almost too easy for ‘me’ to cease existing because ‘I’ don’t actually exist in the first place.

That would be something to laugh about à la Geoffrey.

VINEETO: Why “would be” – why isn’t it? Is there an observer in situ who keeps this vital insight, this apperceptive seeing, at arm’s length and doesn’t allow it to penetrate to the depth of your being?

KUBA: And this is that “special preciousness” of ‘being’, in that the passions have become a ‘who’, this ‘who’ feels precious beyond compare and yet ‘he’ has no actual existence, ‘he’ is merely a feeling.

VINEETO: Yes exactly, and to be more precise – ‘you’ are “merely a feeling”.

KUBA: And what is even more ridiculous is that the ‘many’ exist in the same manner. What ‘humanity’ has been doing is over nothing because there is not a single ‘entity’ that actually existed through all this madness. Both the ‘me’ and the ‘many’ are the instinctual passions in operation.

Of course this thing that I saw was only a glimpse as ‘I’ am still here but it seems extremely doable, exactly what Richard wrote – “The direct experiencing of this is the ending of ‘me’ … and I am this flesh and blood body only being here now as only this moment is”.

VINEETO: Yes, “this thing … was only a glimpse” but it was the very glimpse of direct seeing to set you free. It is not “doable” as you call it because the ‘doer’ will not be involved – one could call it ‘it is ‘be-able’. This exact-same direct seeing can also be the catalyst for leaving humanity.

Don’t turn this insight into a map, into theoretical knowledge, which is one step removed from the actuality of the landscape itself. Don’t fall for the chimera that when you move your finger along the map that you actually walk (hence my pointing to the word ‘be-able’ rather than “doable”). I say this because you mentioned that you like to know in advance what will happen before you take the next step. Break a habit and be naïve this time around, it is of vital importance – for this body, that body and every body.

KUBA: ‘I’ just have to allow ‘myself’ to be exposed like so, for the very core of ‘my’ being to be unravelled in this way.

VINEETO: Aye, give the permission, “pull out all the stops” and allow all of ‘you’ “to be exposed like so”, warts and all.

Cheers Vineeto

February 20 2025

KUBA: This makes sense now why that fundamental grimy passionate energy of ‘me’ cannot be chipped away at, this is ‘me’ as ‘being’. ‘I’ gave ‘myself’ some stick for ‘being’ this at times lol but now I can see that this was exactly the point of all that ‘I’ did before, which was to whittle ‘me’ down to a point where it can be seen so clearly that ‘I’ am ‘my’ passions and ‘my’ passions are ‘me’. It didn’t click for a long time that once ‘I’ arrived at this place that the next step was to end ‘me’. Because there is simply no more improvement that can be done, this energy is ‘me’ and cannot be removed as long as ‘I’ remain.

How could the ending of a passionate entity not be a passionate business…

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

The first thing I noticed when reading your post was that it seemed very serious, almost grim. You talk about “this grimy energy is what ‘I’ am”.

You may remember that I said to Claudiu “the passionate ‘me’ as well as the sensible ‘me’ need to take part in the final decision as a passionately felt decision.” (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Claudiu4, 18 February 2025).

But just because it is a “passionately felt decision” it doesn’t mean it has to be serious!

You see, ‘I’ won’t agree to sacrifice ‘myself’ because you are disgusted with ‘me’ – ‘I’ want to be joyfully embraced, warts and all, because ‘I’ hold the key to your freedom with ‘my’ willing concurrence.

You may have had only the main instinctual passions of fear, aggression, nurture and desire in mind or perhaps only malice and sorrow to be making up “this grimy energy is what ‘I’ am”, but as you said yourself “any of the passionate energy of ‘me’ will do”. Now remember, “the felicitous/ innocuous feelings are in no way docile, lack-lustre affections” –

RICHARD: Appended further below is the e-mail I was referring to, during our discussion yesterday afternoon, in regards to directing all of the affective energy into being the felicitous/ innocuous feelings. Also, here is the quote which is particularly relevant:

• [Richard]: ‘The felicitous/ innocuous feelings are in no way docile, lack-lustre affections ... in conjunction with sensuosity they make for an extremely forceful/ potent combination as, with all of the affective energy channelled into being as happy and harmless as is humanly possible (and no longer being frittered away on love and compassion/ malice and sorrow), the full effect of ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being – which is ‘being’ itself – is dynamically enabled for one purpose and one purpose alone. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 60f, 29 September 2005).

Plus, I have summarised the way in which the actualism method works in practice as follows (the points numbered 6 and 7 are the ones which are pertinent to what was being discussed):

• [Richard]: ‘Perhaps the following summary of the way the actualism method works in practice may be of assistance:

1. Activate sincerity so as to make possible a pure intent to bring about peace and harmony sooner rather than later.
2. Set the standard of experiencing, each moment again, as feeling felicitous/innocuous to whatever degree humanly possible come-what-may. <snipped 3.-5.>
6. Habitual felicity/ innocuity, and its concomitant enjoyment and appreciation, facilitates naïve sensuosity ... a consistent state of wide-eyed wonder, amazement, marvel, and delight.
7. That naiveté, in conjunction with felicitous/ innocuous sensuosity, being the nearest a ‘self’ can come to innocence, allows the overarching benignity and benevolence inherent to the infinitude this infinite and eternal and perpetual universe actually is to operate more and more freely.
8. With this intrinsic benignity and benevolence, which has nothing to do with ‘me’ and ‘my’ doings, freely operating one is the experiencing of what is happening ... and the magical fairy-tale-like paradise, which this verdant and azure earth actually is, is sweetly apparent in all its scintillating brilliance.
9. But refrain from possessing it and making it your own ... or else ‘twill vanish as softly as it appeared. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 118, 16 June 2006).

(Richard, Selected Correspondence, Delight).

You only need to figure out whatever works to activate your altruism for enabling the final step. Who or what do you want to give all of ‘yourself’ to?

Cheers Vineeto

February 21 2025

VINEETO: You only need to figure out whatever works to activate your altruism for enabling the final step. Who or what do you want to give all of ‘yourself’ to?

KUBA: Thank you for this advice Vineeto, indeed the energy of those deliberations was serious and even grim. I read this bit with a smile on my face, what a wonderful question to sincerely and naively ask ‘myself’! It automatically came with a felicitous/ innocuous energy fuelling the wondering.

‘I’ do not have an answer to this question yet, and this is exactly correct! ‘I’ locate the answer to ‘be’ undone by it at the same time. Any other answer with ‘me’ still in place is obviously not it.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

It is wonderful to hear.

Richard reports having had a few open questions with significant results. This was his seminal question –

Respondent: What was it exactly that brought about the death which lead to the ability to live in a veritable garden of eden?

Richard: In late September 1992 a woman, who had been coming to see me on and off for some time, earnestly asked that she be taken on as a disciple ... she seriously wished me to be her master. I was astounded, for I had been at pains to explain that I was not interested in being anyone’s master, for I considered the entire system of the master-disciple relationship, with its attendant surrender, trust, worship and obedience, to be not only insidious, but pernicious as in regards to another person’s freedom. I declined, of course, yet I had to question just what I was ‘putting out’ to people to precipitate such a request. What was my part in all this? What was I doing – indeed what was I being – to encourage another to consider taking this step? I had been dismantling various aspects of the make-up of the Altered State Of Consciousness that I was living in – a state of Spiritual Enlightenment that I called Absolute Freedom – and had thought myself to be virtually free of all that hocus-pocus that goes on in the name of freedom. I asked myself what turned out to be a seminal question:

‘What am I in relation to other people?’

I asked the question in such a way so that I would not get a carefully thought-out and reasoned answer. I wanted an experiential result ... and I kept the question burning in the depths of my psyche, discarding any intellectual answers that inevitably popped-up in the course of the next five or six weeks. And then it happened as a direct result of keeping the question open – which is another story – thus these days I empirically know what I am in relation to other people: I am not an ‘Enlightened Master’ sitting in an exalted position ... and what a relief that is. I am a fellow human being, who happens to live in a condition of perfection and purity, offering my experience to whomsoever is interested. (Richard, List B, No. 19d, 3 April 2000).

Cheers Vineeto

PS: I don’t think you need to be concerned of what Sonya told you – some of the most intelligent people in the world are considered/ diagnosed to be “on the spectrum”.

February 24 2025

KUBA: So things are still going well, I have managed to evade getting stuck in the same places that I did in the past. That question of who or what am ‘I’ willing to give all of ‘myself’ to is still open, it is a thread that runs through ‘my’ moment to moment experience. (…)

So ‘I’ can completely lay down ‘my’ arms, this is what you mentioned, Vineeto, that ‘I’ have to be happy to be exposed warts and all. It’s like ‘I’ can happily agree that this is the end of the road for ‘me’, which means ‘I’ no longer have to be vigilant in order to keep ‘myself’ in check. It’s the end of a lifetime struggle, the battle between good and evil.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

This is exactly it. Here Richard summed it up to a correspondent who was living “in this small island in the southern Atlantic Ocean by the Brazilian cost, very few books are available. My friends talk of fishing ... mainly” –

RICHARD: In 1980, at the beginning of what was to be a four-hour PCE that was the turning-point in my life, ‘I’ saw ‘myself’ for what ‘I’ was (a lost, lonely, frightened and very, very cunning social identity) and the instant ‘I’ saw ‘myself’ ... I was not that. Thus (when I reverted back to normal in the ‘real world’) ‘I’ knew, by direct experience, that ‘I’ was standing in the way of the actual being apparent ... and ‘I’ had to go – become extinct – and not try to become something ‘better’. That is, ‘I’ knew that ‘I’ could never, ever become perfect or be perfection. The only thing ‘I’ could do – the only thing ‘I’ had to do – was die (psychologically and psychically self-immolate).

‘My’ question was: How on earth am ‘I’ to do this? (Richard, List B, 34a, 2 June 1999).

RESPONDENT: Elaborate this ...

RICHARD: Given that ‘I’ knew, via direct experience, that ‘I’ could never, ever become perfect or be perfection ... then the only thing ‘I’ could do – the only thing ‘I’ had to do – was die (psychologically and psychically self-immolate) so that the already always existing perfection could become apparent. So when I asked (as an open question) ‘how do ‘I’ do it?’ the essential character of the perfection of the physical infinitude of this material universe was enabled by ‘my’ concurrence. (Richard, List B, 34a, 7 June 1999).

All is going well.

Cheers Vineeto

February 27 2025

KUBA: And it is clear that this has all to do with altruism, as in ‘I’ can accept the facticity of death’s oblivion and yet this is not altruism. Accepting the facticity of death can undo resentment however altruistic self sacrifice is more than this. It is a gift that ‘I’ gift to humankind, willingly and cheerfully. It is not merely accepting that death will happen (this is somewhat passive) but rather ‘I’ actively ensure ‘my’ death now, for the benefit of others. It is something that ‘I’ must want to do with the entirety of ‘my’ being, this is not merely acceptance.

So the question is what will seduce ‘me’ to want to gift this gift, it will have to be big!

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Is it really so difficult to find a gift that will seduce ‘you’? It may only be difficult because what you are looking for has “to be big” in ‘your’ limited estimation – so big that you can’t find anything big enough equalling the ‘big’ value of your ‘being’?

In fact, it doesn’t have to be “big” at all but something you passionately care about.

What about giving Sonya what she always wanted, deep down – all of you, the actual you?

What about enabling peace-on-earth for one more human being with the untold and unforeseen consequences for a further spreading of peace?

What about being able to be of service to those who want to become actually free? –

RESPONDENT: Thank you for the response Richard. I appreciate what you have written, and I have just one question about something you have said: of what possible service can you be, given that the PCE itself is my guide – and not you? (I ask this since it occurs as a human question timelessly worthy of clarification and not to subject you to undue resistance).

RICHARD: […] As for service: the reward for going to the very end of illusion and delusion is to emerge, unscathed, as the actual. The benefits of doing so are beyond price; to remove oneself from the invidious position of being betwixt sycophants and traducers, being one among many. The immediate bestowal of universal peace upon oneself is the benefit worthiest of acknowledgment. Yet, rewards and benefits notwithstanding, to have reached one’s destiny is to be of the ultimate service possible ... the universe has been able to fulfil itself in a human being. Finally there is an intelligence operating unimpeded ... blind nature has been superseded.

To live this is what service is. (Richard, List B, No. 25d, 29 September 1999).

I’m sure you will eventually find something …

Cheers Vineeto

P.S. Just imagine what problem the last unfree person on earth will have when there is nobody left who they can altruistically self-immolate for! You are still exceedingly lucky.

February 27 2025

KUBA: So the question is what will seduce ‘me’ to want to gift this gift, it will have to be big!

VINEETO: (...) What about giving Sonya what she always wanted, deep down – all of you, the actual you?

KUBA: This one especially got me and I have had these kinds of glimpses recently. That all my life I have been looking anywhere but here for the answer, and this includes those fellow human beings that are close to me in my life. Somehow I have depreciated them and yet they have been so intimately involved in my life, they have been here all this time and somehow they have been as if invisible to ‘me’. I looked at a picture of me and Sonya that we have in our bedroom and I realise that she is invisible to ‘me’, that even when that “happy picture” was taken, there was a rift of impassable proportions between ‘me’ and her.

The struggles that ‘I’ have left in ‘my’ life relate specifically to this fear of intimacy. Richard wrote somewhere that to be actually intimate is life’s great challenge and it seems for ‘me’ this aspect of actual intimacy specifically as it relates to other human beings is somewhere that ‘I’ am still afraid of venturing towards, it seems this is the only place where there is still a sign that says “do not proceed here”.

KUBA: It seems ‘I’ never wanted intimacy with other identities because ‘I’ know that it will inevitably leave all concerned bruised, metaphorically and literally lol. So ‘I’ have been afraid to get close to others as ‘I’ felt that it would have to be an emotional involvement.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

An excellent choice and I am pleased you have taken up the challenge to even consider talking about intimacy.

As such you start by finding reasons to not even try, for instance – “because ‘I’ knew that ‘I’ would screw things up if ‘I’ tried to get close” and “it will inevitably leave all concerned bruised”, and therefore that intimacy can only be safely approached after you are actually free. In other words, your first natural reaction is to think/ philosophize about it in order to keep the other at arm’s length.

I wonder where is that enterprising youth “doing parkour”, who was not afraid of screwing “things up if ‘I’ tried”, who was not afraid of getting bruised, who naively and courageously tried and practiced until you got it right. And it was thrilling fun all the way. From that experience you also learnt that one does not master any art worth its name unless one practices tirelessly and diligently, and is not afraid to fail (or get potentially bruised) and try again until one gets it right. It makes all your excuses not to start becoming more intimate null and void in how to proceed – you just start where you are at, do it and learn as you go along.

MARTIN: Is the idea that if I’m sincere (as an guileless) that I have nothing to hide, and I can give up my hiding place?

RICHARD: No ... “the idea” (as you put it) about being sincere – and the root meaning of sincerity is to be in accord with the fact/ to be aligned with factuality/ to stay true to facticity (i.e., being authentic/ guileless, genuine/ artless, straightforward/ ingenuous) – regarding aspirations for actuality is to be in accord with/ be aligned with the actual, per favour the PCE, as in, staying true to (a.k.a. remaining faithful to) actuality as experientially evidenced.

The realisation that you are, essentially, the same as all the other 7.0+ billion feeling-beings parasitically inhabiting their host bodies – inasmuch you were all born thataway per favour blind nature’s rough and ready survival passions – means there is nothing unique about you, at the core of your being, which necessitates having “to hide” anything.

Put differently, as your “hiding place” is the same-same “hiding place” as each and every other feeling-being’s “hiding place” (all 7.0+ billion of them) just who do you reckon you are really fooling, other than yourself, by remaining hidden not only from others but from yourself as well?

In other words, how will you get to know yourself, intimately, unless you reveal yourself as-you-are in reality? [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List D, Martin, #2).

KUBA: When I looked at that picture of me and Sonya I glimpsed that there is an actual person there, not an identity but a flesh and blood body, I saw that actual intimacy with her is utterly delicious and safe.

It seems I have answered my own question here – basically ‘I’ created an unnecessary boundary, using emotional intimacy as a trailer for what actual intimacy is like, ‘I’ then used this to fuel ‘my’ fears about getting close to others. Of course there is no danger at all to actual intimacy. In actual intimacy there are no identities, it is something that happens between flesh and blood bodies only.

VINEETO: Ha, this fear “about getting close to others” is still in situ and therefore you ‘solve’ your fears by jumping to imagine what will happen when you are actually free before trying out to be intimate as a feeling being. Besides, becoming actually free does not make you magically an expert in everything you have avoided before.

However, when you courageously start from where you are at with utmost sincerity, you can play, together with your fellow human being, the game of ‘how close can we get’. It is a wonderful game, inclusive, full of surprises and joy, fun and laughter, scary moments and tenderness, thrill and exquisite delight and wonder.

In this game of ‘how close can we get’ each can nevertheless proceed at their own pace, as reciprocity regarding giving more and more of yourself is not required. Via sincerity and naiveté each can then entice the other by being as intimate and open to share as they dare to be.

RESPONDENT: You do not prescribe to fellow humans, but do you recommend the above sensible approach rather than ‘experimenting’ with fellow human beings to explore sexuality or actual intimacy?

RICHARD: Oh, no ... not at all (that above approach is only in regards to an actual freedom from the human condition).

No, on the contrary, exploring sex and sexuality is enormously beneficial: there is no better way, in my experience, for a man and a woman to approach such intimacy than sexual congress.

For instance, back when I was a normal man I came close to the loss of self already mentioned on several occasions (in my first marriage) only to instinctively pull-back, out of instantaneous fear at such imminence, as it intuitively seemed she would thus take over my mind and make me her slave for ever and a day.

It was not until after the four-hour PCE, which initiated the process resulting in an actual freedom, that it became obvious to me what such loss of self actually meant.

Accordingly, I deliberately set out to induce a PCE via giving myself completely to her – totally and utterly – whilst hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm (something which I had discovered whilst pubescent).

And then ... !Hey Presto! ... no separation whatsoever.

(Incidentally, rather than that intuitive fear of thus being her slave coming true it was quite instructive to have her then relate how she had been fantasising about a current heart-throb pop singer all the while I was giving myself to her totally). (Richard, List D, No. 6, 10 November 2009)

Exploration into intimacy also paves the way for man and woman living together in peace and harmony – considering that their sexuality and intimacy are the core of human civilisation itself.

RICHARD: … appreciate how truly epoch-changing a female replication of the ground-breaking male break-through into Terra Actualis actually is inasmuch that, for the first time in human history/ human experience, it is now possible, and demonstrably so, for man and woman to live together in peace and harmony with gladness and delight.

And here is why that replication is truly epoch-changing:

• [Richard]: “(...) man-woman sexuality and intimacy is the genesis of family and thus *the very core of civilisation itself* ...”. [emphasis added].
~ (15 July 2015 & 23 June 2013 & 28 February 2012 & 05 January 2010 & 11 December 2009 & 13 November 2009).
(Richard, List D, Andrew, #coreofcivilisation). (Further information in the original).

In short, Kuba, you have a fun-filled exciting and highly beneficial adventure ahead of you.

Cheers Vineeto

March 2 2025

KUBA: So I thought I will write a bit about how this is progressing now rather than from memory later. Vineeto’s suggestion to play the “how close can we get” game has been brilliant and fun. It is a weird one because I am not sure why this fear of intimacy, of getting close. It kind of made sense in the past when I would want to hide the grotty ‘me’ from others.

It was a bit of a sad reflection of what has been going on up until now when Sonya remarked that I am being so affectionate and that she is so happy… The thing is that I have not been trying to be loving or anything like this, rather I have simply allowed myself to get close. The wonderful thing is that this intimacy is lasting, it is not taxing in any way, like love is. I am not trying to create any grand gestures or manufacture some kind of a feeling, rather I am just allowing myself to get close, what I wanted all along anyways!

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

What a marvellous report and I can relate intimately – especially when you said “what I wanted all along anyways!” It is what everyone wants deep down, but never dares to do or even ask.

It brings back delightful memories when Richard suggested this game to me after I became actually free and more so after he came back from India – all I can tell you that the sky is not the limit.

KUBA: And playing this game of “how close can we get” is like travelling up and down the gradations of intimacy that Grace suggested:

Richard: The gradations of ‘her’ scale were, basically, good, very good, great, excellent, and perfect – whereby, in regards to intimacy, ‘good’ related to togetherness (which pertains to being and acting in concert with another); ‘very good’ related to closeness (where personal boundaries expand to include the other); ‘great’ related to sweetness (delighting in the pervasive proximity, or immanence, of the other); ‘excellent’ related to richness (a near-absence of agency; with the doer abeyant, and the beer ascendant, being the experiencing is inherently cornucopian); and ‘perfect’ related to magicality (neither beer nor doer extant; pristine purity abounds and immaculate perfection prevails) – all of which correlate to the range of naïveness from being sincere to becoming naïve and all the way through being naïveté itself! (Richard, Abditorium, Intimacy, #intimacyexperience).

VINEETO: Isn’t it great Grace spelt out her gradations so we now have the words to precisely communicate as well as experience it. So much to enjoy, discover, explore and marvel and getting closer and closer.

KUBA: This is why the game is fun! Every moment is an opportunity to slide along this scale with no expectations on the other or oneself. What I noticed very quickly is that any sorrow or malice immediately obstructs one’s ability to get close. Of course I cannot get close if I resent or fear the other, only felicity and innocuity offers the safety to get close like so. Which means there is an immediate feedback loop – “I am not able to get close to the other, why?” and immediately I get an answer – because there is some sorrow and malice in the way. Then it is impossible to hold onto it, no matter how small, because it is patently clear that it is standing in the way between me and others. This makes utterly clear one point – that one must be both happy and harmless. Also when another is involved it is easier to put aside any of ‘my’ self-centred agendas and simply proceed towards felicity and innocuity – where intimacy is possible. Because now it is not just for ‘me’ but for everybody.

VINEETO: Ah, now you know, intimately, what it means “for this body, that body and everybody”. Now you also know, experientially, what Richard meant when he said: “all the way through being naïveté itself” –

Richard: To be naïveté itself (i.e., naïveté embodied as ‘me’), which is to be the closest one can to innocence whilst remaining a ‘self’ (innocence is where ‘self’ is not), one is both likeable and liking for herewith lies tenderness, sweetness and togetherness, closeness whereupon moment-to-moment experiencing is of traipsing through the world about in a state of wide-eyed wonder and amazement as if a child again (guileless, artless, ingenuous, innocuous) – yet with adult sensibilities whereby the distinction betwixt being naïve and being gullible is readily separable – simply marvelling at the sheer magnificence of this oh-so-material universe’s absoluteness and unabashedly delighting in its boundless beneficence, its limitless largesse, with a blitheness and a gaiety such that the likelihood of the magical fairy-tale-like nature of this paradisaical terraqueous globe becoming ever-so-sweetly apparent, as an experiential actuality, is almost always imminent. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, A Quaint Clay-Pit Tale)

KUBA: So the past couple of days it’s like I have been thawing out those remnant bits of ice that were covering ‘my’ being. I realise that all those fears I had about “what would others think when I am actually free” etc These are so silly, shouldn’t I rather be excited about finally getting actually close to my fellow human beings? (what I have always wanted). And so there was a distance that I was trying to somehow jump across, but to no avail. Instead I can virtually remove this distance whilst still remaining an identity, and when I am so close there is no fear. How could I possibly fear my fellow human beings? Daring to get close means that I begin to experience this person in front of me as they are, there is nothing to fear there. And what I also found is that when I dare to get close, to actually pay attention to this person in front of me, then it is impossible to dislike them, or to get sour about this or that, for I see that they are a fellow human being just like me, so intimately involved in this business called being alive.

VINEETO: Having nothing to hide means exactly that – nothing to fear, and even better, when you are near innocent and “actually pay attention to this person in front of me, then it is impossible to dislike them”. It is not only the natural world, the mountains and streams, the sky and the stars which is magnificent and perfect, the intimate interaction with fellow human beings is also delightful, easy and benevolent.

KUBA: The other thing that became clear this morning is that this intimacy (with one’s partner) seamlessly flows into sexuality. Before there was the ‘normal’ which was this “comfortable distance” and from that place we would jump towards sex. But the distance that needed to be jumped across was uncomfortable, it would be like a task. This morning I allowed the intimacy to simply slide up the scales and boom, sexuality begins to flower effortlessly. Then it is a lot of fun, no hard work at all.

VINEETO: Thank you, Kuba, for your eloquent report of fun and delight, every word is a joy to read.

Cheers Vineeto ♫♪ ♫ ♪

March 3 2025

KUBA: I had some very extraordinary experiences today… They were glimpses of what life is like after ‘my’ extinction. It’s very hard to put this into words, Richard described the actual world in such meticulous detail and yet the words alone do not do it justice, the actual experience of it is a different thing altogether.

Just before those experiences happened ‘I’ was seen to never have been genuine in the first place, this is what precipitated them. One second ‘I’ existed across the past, present and the future, where apparently ‘I’ ran the show, then next second ‘I’ was fascinated by the fact that none of ‘my’ life ever took place. Indeed that ‘I’ am an errant and vainglorious brain pattern, ‘I’ never did anything of substance because ‘I’ was never genuine. But with ‘me’ having never been genuine there was an entire new world that opened up, except that I saw that eventually there will be no ‘me’ and no reality to revert back to. That once the door back to reality closes behind me, that it would have never existed in the first place, how bizarre! But this is exactly what guarantees such incredible safety, again the words don’t seem to do it any justice…

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

This is a most extraordinary description of experiences. I can’t make out if you temporarily entered the actual world or are perhaps stuck in the door which should disappear as soon as you fully enter or … or is this possibly a mirage created by a still hesitating but nevertheless cunning identity?

What does prevent you from fully walking through that door, if it is the actual door to an actual freedom, something you wanted to do (so you say) for a long time?

And you say “those experiences” (plural). I can’t make sense of it … except perhaps that to experience “exactly what guarantees such incredible safety” is more important than taking the finalizing action?

KUBA: What Richard referred to in one of his correspondences as the &“utter fullness&” which is ‘calling one’ each moment again, this utter fullness is infinitude itself, the fact that only the actual world exists. The direct experience of this is just beyond words, hence I wasn’t going to write about it initially as I figured that I just have to go ahead and live it.

VINEETO: Here is how this correspondence about “utter fullness” started –

RESPONDENT: Earlier this afternoon, before it stormed here, I was outside watching a bird fly/flutter through a background of blue sky and the green leaves of trees and I was taken away by the utter fullness of it! Upon reflection of that brief glimpse of total attention, it seems thought is simply too one-dimensional to touch the multi-faceted fullness of that. I was stunned by thinking how rarely I stop and allow awareness to operate.

RICHARD: How effective has being ‘stunned by thinking’ been for you? How many times since this afternoon have you consequently stopped and allowed awareness – the utter fullness of total attention – to operate so that you will be taken away by the multi-faceted fullness of that? In other words: has this stunning thinking, subsequent to the event, done the trick by enabling that which is talked about so often to happen?

Just curious. (Richard, List B, No. 25e, 15 June 2000)

Unfortunately this correspondent managed to fritter away each and every opportunity to be fully “taken away” by “the utter fullness of it” with continuing to think about the experience in, what Richard called, “one-dimensional thought” –

RICHARD: Ahh ... then reflecting and being ‘stunned by thinking’ how rarely you stopped and allowed awareness – the utter fullness of total attention – to operate is of no use whatsoever, eh? Is this because ‘thought is simply too one-dimensional’ to produce anything other than a one-dimensional stunning of the thinker would you say?

What does it take to produce a 3-D stunning of the thinker? (Richard, List B, No. 25e, 16 June 2000)

KUBA: There was also this fascinated thought that although ‘I’ never did anything of substance ‘I’ am nevertheless the only one to make the decision to allow ‘my’ self-immolation, again utterly bizarre. A passionate illusion agreeing to ‘his’ own demise.

RESPONDENT: Seeing how we seldom let the fullness be, and instead stay stuck in the rut of thought, is what is ‘stunning’ thought. Facing that absurdity is perhaps worthwhile, don’t you think?

RICHARD: Goodness me no ... why procrastinate by busying yourself with ‘facing that absurdity’ (which is to keep on busying yourself with that stunning thought) when it is total attention that is the trigger for the utter fullness being made apparent?

The only thing that is worthwhile is when ‘I stop and allow awareness to operate’ ... period. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List B, No. 25f, 17 June 2000)

Are you perhaps making the same mistake?

Have you made ‘yourself’ so ephemeral, so illusionary, that you are no longer able to make the most important decision of your life to allow yourself to be taken away?

Perhaps another question can clarify something – has this “utter fullness” the same flavour as pure intent, “a palpable life-force; an actually occurring stream of benevolence and benignity that originates in the vast and utter stillness that is the essential character of the universe itself”?

Cheers Vineeto

March 6 2025

KUBA: Hi Vineeto,

So replying to your message the other day:

Vineeto: This is a most extraordinary description of experiences. I can’t make out if you temporarily entered the actual world or are perhaps stuck in the door which should disappear as soon as you fully enter or … or is this possibly a mirage created by a still hesitating but nevertheless cunning identity? (Actualism, ActualVineeto, Kuba5, 3 March 2025).

Vineeto: Perhaps another question can clarify something – has this “utter fullness” the same flavour as pure intent, “a palpable life-force; an actually occurring stream of benevolence and benignity that originates in the vast and utter stillness that is the essential character of the universe itself”? (Actualism, ActualVineeto, Kuba5, 3 March 2025).

I will explain how the experience came about in some more detail. Me and Sonya were watching a zombie movie and I became fascinated by the fact that the world portrayed could never happen in actuality, this was seen with absolute certainty. It could never happen because evil does not exist in actuality, it could never happen because we exist in a beneficent universe. I was reminded of something Geoffrey mentioned in a zoom chat – that if there was a button to end the world and us feeling beings knew this to be so, that not a single one of us would press it. This is because what we are underneath it all is that very benevolence and benignity. So this was the kind of contemplation that set the scene. It was marvelling at the fact that we exist in a beneficent universe which invited this “utter fullness”. There was a sense that actual freedom is not just an alternative but rather it is a guarantee, that since this utter fullness of infinitude is all that actually exist, the “call” will continue to ring and there is only 1 direction ultimately to travel, as Srinath wrote it is impossible to miss as one is aiming for the universe.

So to summarise it was contemplating on the inevitability of this utter fullness sooner or later coming to fruition, because it is all that actually exists.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Thank you for your exploration and confirming that pure intent was present. I see that my guesses were all off the mark.

KUBA: So it seems to me that pure intent was indeed active in these contemplations. To answer the first question though – “or is this possibly a mirage created by a still hesitating but nevertheless cunning identity?”

I am not sure if I would use the word mirage (as it implies being tricked / doing the tricking) whereas ‘I’ was well aware that ‘I’ was not going to be taken away by this experience. ‘I’ was content to somewhat scout out the territory, the question is why?

VINEETO: Ah, that explains why you didn’t walk “through that door” – hence it would better be called an ‘exploratory’ excellence experience?

KUBA: A few weeks ago I wrote that it seemed that ‘I’ was indeed about to self-immolate, and it seemed that as it was about to happen ‘I’ jumped with the “too good to be true” and the thing halted right there and then. Something similar would happen over and over before I was able to allow my first PCE as a practicing actualist. I wanted it so bad that ‘I’ built up all these feeling reactions around it, so just as the actual world began to show itself ‘I’ would become so ecstatic that the experience would halt. It makes me think back to being young and eyeing up that pretty girl that I thought I could never approach. I wanted her so bad and yet I knew that the second she speaks to me I would crumble with emotion and get rejected anyways! So in the end I would settle for fantasy and looking from a distance.

So I was the super high achiever that would nevertheless achieve nothing in the end, it was not for me to live it…

VINEETO: It reminds me of the story of Moses from the Old Testament, being shown the Promised Land of his god but not allowed to enter because of his sins. And there are some who still follow this ancient wisdom!

I understand the history of your (emotional) objection, neatly fitting not only into the ancient (atavistic) pattern of ‘not being good enough’ as well as ‘you should not desire’ of Buddhistic lore and legend. Perhaps, you can now see that your ‘reasoning’ is all upside down – it is simply an ancient conditioning and therefore habitual expectation of failure being part and parcel of ‘your’ being.

The flaw in your (emotionally-guided) comparison is that an actual freedom is your birthright – your flesh-and-blood body is already in the actual world. How can you ever be rejected once having become free from the identity in toto? Gee, what a cunning trick to ‘blame the universe’ for possibly not ‘admitting’ when it’s the identity who throws the spanner in the works! It must be the identity doing such confusingly flawed sophistry.

KUBA: I remember that with the PCE it eventually happened when I stopped making it such a big deal, of course I wanted it but I had to somehow get out of my own way and allow it.

VINEETO: Ah, so you retained your expectation and found a way around it. Now that you understand you can drop this expectation of failure itself. It is ‘me’ who fails because ‘I’/‘me’ and the actual world are incompatible/ mutually exclusive.

KUBA: And so this is what I was trying to do with those experiences. There was the memory that the last time I became ecstatic the potential for self-immolation halted, so this time I was trying to “just chill out”, to not move in either direction and instead simply allow this experience for what it is, without jumping in either direction.

It seems I am the most cowardly pioneer of them all, or rather a self-sabotaging pioneer. This is what I always found so outstanding reading Richard’s words, how he was able to proceed on his own into the unknown, I am the complete opposite of that. And yet I want to find a way to do it, it seems ‘I’ need to work with what ‘I’ have at hand. ‘I’ need to find a way to stop self-sabotaging.

VINEETO: Self-sabotaging is part of ‘your’ survival repertoire, it is the very nature of ‘me’ to sabotage ‘my’ extinction. So rather than beating yourself up as in “I am the most cowardly pioneer of them all” you can pat yourself on the back for having discovered yet another ruse and found it redundant in the face of pure intent. The only way to “stop self-sabotaging” is to get the full agreement of ‘me’ for ‘my’ demise. Only (biological) altruism can overcome selfism.

KUBA: And so I have been trying to shift things towards being an “of course”, that it is no “big deal” (in that emotional self-sabotaging way) that it is for me to live it after-all.

VINEETO: It is a “big deal” and, once having gained permission from ‘your sabotaging self’, you can stand by it with confidence – it is your very destiny. Only 2 handful of people have done the “big deal” so far.

KUBA: I think maybe I will end it here for now before commenting on your other questions so it doesn’t get too messy, oh I will just add:

Vineeto: And you say “those experiences” (plural). I can’t make sense of it. (Actualism, ActualVineeto, Kuba5, 3 March 2025).

Yes so this seeing of the utter fullness happened twice that day, 1 shortly following after the other.

VINEETO: Ok, it took two instances of testing the ground – third time bull’s eye?

But remember ‘you’ cannot trick ‘yourself’ – it needs the full sincere agreement from ‘you’. As I am want to say “all of you have to be on board.”

Cheers Vineeto

March 7 2025

Claudiu to Andrew: You will really have to uncover the naiveté you have buried under all this cynicism and recognize just what a wondrous, unique, and fleeting opportunity we are all presented with. The universe in no way will guarantee that the world will become actually free – we are among the most well-positioned humans on the planet to be able to do everything we can to have it happen.

Vineeto to Ed: Possibly fleeting, depending on how many daring pioneers take up the challenge and pass on reports of their success. (Actualism, ActualVineeto, Ed, 7 March 2025).

KUBA: It is a weird one because experiencing that “utter fullness” of infinitude the other day it was like a 100% guarantee, there is actually no other way to travel other than into illusion/ delusion. It is more a case of sooner rather than later – just like those enlightened masters ensured a continuation of suffering for 3000-5000 years because they did not dare proceed all the way – if no further pioneers take action now it could be another thousands of years before the human condition comes to an end.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

I just want to check that I don’t misunderstand – when you say “there is actually no other way to travel other than into illusion/ delusion” do you mean “no other way to travel” unless one wants to fall “into illusion/ delusion”?

I think your prediction of “another thousands of years” is rather glum to say the least – don’t you, for one, consider to “take action”?

KUBA: So it’s like the universe ultimately does not care, that utter fullness of infinitude is already always here, it doesn’t have to do anything extra because it’s already complete. Indeed it has all the time in the universe, it is human beings that are only alive for a limited time, so indeed it is doing it for this body, that body and everybody, as in why allow suffering to continue for even another day.

VINEETO: To propose that the universe cares or “does not care” is to make the error of anthropomorphism/ anthropocentrism. It is animal nature, the software of the instinctual passions, which does not care two hoots about which species thrives and which one perishes. The universe is beneficent, friendly, benevolent – it provides the conditions for human life to evolve and, being infinite and eternal and thus perfect, enables humans to fulfil their destiny. Viz:

Respondent: … It’s just plain silly to tie Actualism up to a particular world view.

Richard: … And the same applies in regards to the ‘Big Bang’ theory – first proposed, in 1927, by the French Abbé Mr. Georges Lemaitre at the behest of the then pope Mr. Pius XI in a Conference on Cosmology, which was held in the Vatican, in the Pontificia Academia de Scienza di Roma – and the ‘expanding universe’ theory you also mention ... if this other person informed me their direct experience was that the universe is indeed finite, temporary, and transitory (and not infinite, eternal, and perpetual you do not actually care about that as it would not render actualism irrelevant, it would not make pure consciousness experiences (PCE’s) no longer valuable, it would not take away the possibility of freedom from the human condition, it would not prevent the possibility of delighting in being here (and doing nothing to prevent another’s delight in being here)? [Emphases added]. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 60a, 22 January 2004)

In short, in a finite ‘expanding universe’ an actual freedom would not be possible.

The conditions are given, and have always been existent – the action of freeing oneself from human nature is up to each human being, using their initiative and native intelligence to be perfection personified, which is both one’s birthright and one’s destiny.

KUBA: Yesterday something changed in how ‘I’ see ‘myself’, because those experiences a while ago where ‘I’ was seen to be merely a feeling were useful and yet as Richard wrote one does not go about eliminating feelings in order to eliminate the ‘self’, this is the wrong order of operations. Yesterday I was contemplating all this business with enlightenment and I could see that what ‘I’ am as ‘self’ is like an ancient imprint, this sense of ‘self’ is merely a feeling and yet it takes something away to treat it as a feeling only. ‘I’ am this imprint that feelings swirl around to form, a ‘structure’ that has absolutely no substance, an intuited ‘presence’.

VINEETO: This is an excellent description, that “what ‘I’ am as ‘self’ is like an ancient imprint”, “‘I’ am this imprint that feelings swirl around to form, a ‘structure’ that has absolutely no substance, an intuited ‘presence’”.

It reminds me of René Descartes, who started this philosophical theory with the axiom “I think therefore I am” but then went further stating “I know intuitively that I am”. (Richard, Selected Correspondence, René Descartes). You went one step further, you know experientially that ‘you’ exist as “an intuited ‘presence’”.

KUBA: The thing is that no matter how much ‘I’ try to get rid of ‘my’ feelings this ‘intuited structure’ remains, this is ‘me’ as ‘self’.

It is the ‘self’ that has to disappear, then there will be no passions, it cannot work the other way around, so indeed it has to be self-immolation. I could see yesterday that this ‘intuited presence’ will forever get in the way between me and others, there is no other way to ensure peace on earth other than by eliminating ‘me’ as ‘self’.

VINEETO: You are spot on “it cannot work the other way around” and also that ‘me’ “will forever get in the way between me and others”.

Hence Richard’s repeated reminder that actualism is not to stop feeling, but to cease ‘being’. (See Richard’s Journal, Appendix Five, A Précis of Actual Freedom).

Cheers Vineeto

March 8 2025

VINEETO: I just want to check that I don’t misunderstand – when you say “there is actually no other way to travel other than into illusion/ delusion” do you mean “no other way to travel” unless one wants to fall “into illusion/ delusion”?

KUBA: Yes I didn’t like that sentence when I read it back but I ended up leaving it as it is. What I meant was that there is the “utter fullness” and then there is illusion/ delusion. The actual world is all that genuinely exists so the only other ‘direction’ is to remain in illusion/ delusion. Ah I just had a good word come to me! It is the fact that actuality is pre-eminent. In the same way that one can pretend that a fact does not exist but this means nothing, ‘we’ can continue travelling down the path of illusion/delusion and yet this “utter fullness” is pre-eminent, the absoluteness of infinitude is already always here. This is why it was experienced to be a 100% guarantee.

VINEETO: Thank you, I thought you meant that, I just wanted to make sure.

*

KUBA: It is a weird one because experiencing that “utter fullness” of infinitude the other day it was like a 100% guarantee, there is actually no other way to travel other than into illusion/ delusion. It is more a case of sooner rather than later – just like those enlightened masters ensured a continuation of suffering for 3000-5000 years because they did not dare proceed all the way – if no further pioneers take action now it could be another thousands of years before the human condition comes to an end.

VINEETO: I think your prediction of “another thousands of years” is rather glum to say the least – don’t you, for one, consider to “take action” ?

KUBA: Yes I do and that sentence was in part my own call to action (perhaps a little dramatic), realising that somebody has to go next, that this is literally the only way it can proceed, that the next person does it, and the next etc.

VINEETO: I appreciate the reasoning for your dramatization. However, are you sure that your perspective is not fed by this “I am not good enough” hangover of the old days, now projected onto all of humanity? Wouldn’t be the fact and experience that actuality is irresistible provide enough pull to proceed without having to ‘kick’ yourself into action with dire projections?

From an objective perspective it will become clear by the quotes further down, that “the continuation of suffering for 3000-5000 years” could only have persisted for so long because there was no alternative to the ‘best of human experience’ until the discovery of an actual freedom. As such all the morals and ethics of atavistic wisdom of dead Masters, Saints and Seers were perpetuated as being the Ultimate Authority. Now that an actual freedom has not only been discovered but has also been replicated via the Direct Route (bypassing enlightenment), these Ultimate Authorities are outdated, to say the least, and there need not “be another thousands of years before the human condition comes to an end”, simply because the alternative is already here as lived experience.

One example is Richard’s hypothesis that full-blown enlightenment is finished, dead, unachievable, illustrated in his question to correspondent No. 22 –

Richard: Okay ... I might say this much, though: did Mr. Franklin Jones’ physical death in 2008 signify the last of fully enlightened/ fully awakened (as in fully deluded/ fully hallucinated) ‘Beings’ to bestride the real-world ... to be meddling in human affairs, to incredible ill effect, for all these millennia now past?

Put differently, why are the subsequent crop of so-called enlightened/ awakened beings of the just-add-water-and-stir variety? (Richard, List D, No. 22, 5 January 2010)

You could say that now there are holes in the ‘psychic web’ of yore, and fresh wind can blow through. I share Richard’s confidence in the effectiveness of facts and actuality – it is indeed the only viable alternative to the perpetuation of malice and sorrow.

Richard: Being actual it is here to stay and, simply because it is fact and not fantasy. (Richard, List D, No. 11, 2 December 2009).

Richard: The words and writings of both an actual and a virtual freedom from the human condition – be they spoken, printed or in pixels are now stored away in brain cells, on bookshelves and hard drives/ tapes/ CD’s/ DVD’s all around the globe. (Richard, Abditorium, Actualism, Materialism, Spiritualism)

The question is how long will it take until there are enough people virtually free and actually free to influence and replace the ancient wisdom still being taught in homes, schools, universities and religious/ spiritual institutions, with common sense, facts and actuality, as well as equity and parity amongst human beings.

*

VINEETO: To propose that the universe cares or “does not care” is to make the error of anthropomorphism/ anthropocentrism. It is animal nature, the software of the instinctual passions, which does not care two hoots about which species thrives and which one perishes. The universe is beneficent, friendly, benevolent – it provides the conditions for human life to evolve and, being infinite and eternal and thus perfect, provides for humans to fulfil their destiny. Viz:

KUBA: Yes again I didn’t like those words… How about to say that this “utter fullness” (being pre-eminent and absolute) continually hands out an “invitation to paradise” (this is the call that is being made), however this “utter fullness” does not have a time limit, it is not constrained by any time-span. It is then up to each person to accept this invitation. So the conditions are already always in place and yet the universe does not force one to “join the party”.

Although looking from that place of “utter fullness”, of that 100% guarantee it seemed that even if humans now chose to proceed as they are, that actual freedom would also inevitably happen, in the same way that evolution happened all-round. Except that this would take much longer and would entail much more suffering happening until then.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

I’d like to comment a bit further on the part you snipped –

VINEETO: … The universe is beneficent, friendly, benevolent – it provides the conditions for human life to evolve and, being infinite and eternal and thus perfect, enables humans to fulfil their destiny. Viz:

Respondent: … It’s just plain silly to tie Actualism up to a particular world view.

Richard: … And the same applies in regards to the ‘Big Bang’ theory – first proposed, in 1927, by the French Abbé Mr. Georges Lemaitre at the behest of the then pope Mr. Pius XI in a Conference on Cosmology, which was held in the Vatican, in the Pontificia Academia de Scienza di Roma – and the ‘expanding universe’ theory you also mention ... if this other person informed me their direct experience was that the universe is indeed finite, temporary, and transitory (and not infinite, eternal, and perpetual) you do not actually care about that as it would not render actualism irrelevant, it would not make pure consciousness experiences (PCE’s) no longer valuable, it would not take away the possibility of freedom from the human condition, it would not prevent the possibility of delighting in being here (and doing nothing to prevent another’s delight in being here)? [Emphases added]. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 60a, 22 January 2004)

In short, in a finite ‘expanding universe’ an actual freedom would not be possible.

The conditions are given, and have always been existent – the action of freeing oneself from human nature is up to each human being, using their initiative and native intelligence to be perfection personified, which is both one’s birthright and one’s destiny.

Just to highlight the ramifications of spiritual enlightenment having been the summum bonum of human experience for thousands of years, Richard elucidates it further in the follow-up discussion, thereby emphasizing the significance of the discovery of an actual freedom even more clearly –

Respondent: If you are saying that your experience of actual freedom depends on there not having been a ‘Big Bang’, I am at a complete loss to understand why.

Richard: No, what I am saying is that the ‘Big Bang’ (a theory first proposed, in 1927, by the French Abbé Mr. Georges Lemaitre at the behest of the then pope Mr. Pius XI in a Conference on Cosmology, which was held in the Vatican, in the Pontificia Academia de Scienza di Roma) depends upon the summum bonum of human experience being spiritual enlightenment (a permanent ASC).

It is the ASC which informs that consciousness gives rise to matter.

Or, to put that differently, what I am saying is that the ‘Big Bang’ (…) depends upon there not being anybody actually free from the human condition (a permanent PCE).

It is the PCE which informs that matter gives rise to consciousness. [Emphases added]. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 60a, 23 January 2004a)

In other words –

Respondent: Richard, an uncluttered space in which to clarify some key issues: What is your basis for claiming that the universe is infinite and eternal?

Richard: Apperception (unmediated perception) ... as a flesh and blood body only one is this infinite, eternal and perpetual universe experiencing itself apperceptively: as such it is stunningly aware of its own infinitude.

And this is wonderful.

Respondent: With regard to attaining ‘actual freedom from the human condition’, does it matter whether the universe is infinite and eternal?

Richard: It is infinitude which makes such a freedom possible ... only that which has no opposite is peerless (hence perfect).

Respondent: If time, space and matter had begun with a ‘Big Bang’, would PCE’s still be possible?

Richard: No ... the peerless perfection of the pure consciousness experience (PCE) would not exist.

Respondent: Would ‘actual freedom’ from the human condition still be possible?

Richard: No ... the pristine purity of this actual world would not exist. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 60a, 24 January 2004)

You can see that your confidence in the “experiencing that ”utter fullness“ of infinitude the other day” is indeed “a 100% guarantee”, not only for you but for every pioneer who wants to escape their fate and pursue their destiny.

Cheers Vineeto

March 8 2025

VINEETO: … Wouldn’t be the fact and experience that actuality is irresistible provide enough pull to proceed without having to ‘kick’ yourself into action with dire projections? [Emphasis added by Kuba].

KUBA: Yes it should shouldn’t it and yet there is clearly something which pulls ‘me’ back and that ‘I’ then seek to overcome with the dramatisations. It seems this “I am not good enough” needs to be rooted out fully. There is something atavistic to it, it reminds me of a post I wrote a few years ago when first getting some success with applying the actualism method. (…)

I can see now that this is the atavistic basis of this “I am not good enough”, this is not just ‘my’ personal feeling but rather where ‘humanity’ has been stuck for thousands of years. It segues into what you wrote about actual freedom not being possible in a finite and expanding universe. It was enlightenment which set the parameters of what is possible for a human being, it provided the ‘wisdom’ that human kind has been living to. One of the primary tenets of this ‘wisdom’ is that perfection is never to be lived by any human being, that we are all sinners until we depart for an after life – only there perfection can be allowed. In a way I have been living to a commandment which was given by those god men – do not dare to live perfection in this life time as this flesh and blood body. Not only is it not possible (apparently) but it is taboo, it is not allowed.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Yes, you found it – it is the atavistic taboo to leave humanity, its ‘wisdom’ and its Ultimate Authority, or else you’ll be punished if you don’t obey its (holy) tenets, you’ll be marked as a traitor.

You might like this quote – it dramatically describes Richard’s part of the journey that he had embarked upon at this point –

Richard: With pure intent one will not settle for second best, for it has been seen in the peak experiences that the very best is possible, here on earth. One sees that ‘I’ must disappear entirely. There will be no transcendence, no transmutation, no metamorphosis ... not any of these. For one who goes all the way, no phoenix will exist to arise from the ashes – nothing Metaphysical will remain. There will be no ‘being’ at all. ‘I’ will become extinct.

I use the word extinct deliberately for it carries a definitive meaning. Physically, death is the end of an individual member of the species, whilst extinction is the ending of the species itself. The psychological annihilation of ‘I’ – in its entirety – is the psychological ending of the species known as ‘humanity’. It is the end of ‘being’ and the end of an illusion. It is also the end of ‘Being’ and the end of delusion. The Human Condition, with all its appalling sorrow and malice, can come to an end. All those would-be wise people who state: ‘You can’t change human nature’ are, fortunately, wrong. Because it is possible for ‘me’ to become extinct, thereby releasing the body from the ‘being’ within, I can walk freely in the world as-it-is ... this actual world. I, as this body only, can live in that perfect purity twenty-four-hours-a-day. I can live in a state of benignity, which means a kindly and harmless disposition. Life is a sincere and yet playful game and one is then free to enjoy it all, every moment again.

‘Humanity’, which gave birth to ‘me’, is being sustained by ‘me’ remaining as a ‘being’. ‘I’ am forever fettered by the Human Condition. The species known as ‘humanity’ has searched for an Ultimate Fulfilment within the arena of the Human Condition for all of history. Such a search is endless and futile, for it is a search within an illusion. Only further illusions – further states of ‘being’ – can be found there ... or delusions. Becoming Divine is a delusion – a state of ‘Being’ that is actually an insult to intelligence. ‘I’ will never find the ultimate fulfilment for ‘I’ am standing in the way of the ‘Mystery of Life’ being revealed. There is no way out, ‘I’ am doomed. ‘I’ must, inevitably, cease to ‘be’. Instead of bemoaning ‘my’ fate and vainly searching for an escape, ‘I’ can see ‘myself’ for what ‘I’ am. This seeing is the beginning of the ending of ‘me’. The extinction of ‘me’ is the ultimate sacrifice ‘I’ can make to ensure the possibility of peace-on-earth for not only me but for all humankind.

Ultimate fulfilment lies beyond extinction. (Richard, Articles, A Brief Personal History, #2)

KUBA: It is such a perverse feeling/belief and yet it is active in ‘me’ because why wouldn’t ‘I’ just walk through that door and leave ‘myself’ behind. It seems as though it would be too easy?! Like ‘I’ am addicted to forever journeying as a sinner. Like ‘I’ am addicted to ‘my’ problems and ‘my’ solutions. But underneath all this is the commandment that I am never to live in perfection, that life is not meant to be easy.

Experiencing that “utter fullness” the other day it was clear that it is here for everybody and that it provides an utter safety, the magnitude of which has to be lived to be known. And yet it was experienced that it would be “too easy” if it was all over just like that. That for some obscure reason ‘I’ should suffer some more. The best I can describe this in ‘myself’ right now is the belief that life is not meant to be easy, that it is wrong to live without suffering, that life should be an ongoing struggle of the good over the bad. I am basically describing that ancient ‘wisdom’ handed out by the god men. But with the discovery of an actual freedom this wisdom was cut at the very root, it’s very founding principles were shown to be incorrect and so the rest of the worldview topples down.

VINEETO: That is a great insight and, with sincerity, action will follow.

Yesterday you wrote about having discovered the “presence”, the “imprint” – “‘I’ am this imprint that feelings swirl around to form, a ‘structure’ that has absolutely no substance, an intuited ‘presence’”. And now that you have peeled away all the layers of the onion and have discovered the very core – the ‘self’, which if allowed to expand would become the ‘Self’.

Richard: This second identity – the second ‘I’ of Mr. Ventkataraman Aiyer (aka Ramana) fame – is a difficult one to shake, maybe more difficult than the first; for who is brave enough to voluntarily give up fame and fortune, reverence and worship, status and security? One has to be scrupulously honest with oneself to go all the way and no longer be a someone, a somebody of importance. One faces extinction; ‘I’ will cease to be, there will be no ‘being’ whatsoever, no ‘presence’ at all. It is impossible to imagine, not only the complete and utter cessation of ‘me’ in ‘my’ entirety, but the end of any ‘Ultimate Being’ or ‘Absolute Presence’ in any way, shape or form. It means that no one or no thing is in charge of the universe ... that there is no ‘Ultimate Authority’. It means that all values are but human values, with no absolute values at all to fall back upon. It is impossible for ‘me’ to conceive that without a wayward ‘me’ there is no need for any values whatsoever ... or an ‘Ultimate Authority’.

Thus I find myself here, in the world as-it-is. A vast stillness lies all around, a perfection that is abounding with purity. Beneficence, an active kindness, overflows in all directions, imbuing everything with unimaginable fairytale-like quality. (Richard, Articles, A Brief Personal History, #3)

VINEETO: The question is how long will it take until there are enough people virtually free and actually free to influence and replace the ancient wisdom still being taught in homes, schools, universities and religious/ spiritual institutions with common sense, facts and actuality, as well as equity and parity amongst human beings. [Emphasis added by Kuba].

KUBA: This same thing is happening inside of ‘me’ right now. The seeing which can undo ‘me’ (as well as that entire ancient worldview) is already in place. And it is in place in ‘me’ specifically and in the ‘psychic web’ in general. So indeed there is no need for dire projections, rather it is an incredible time to be alive.

In short what ‘I’ deeply and passionately care about is to be innocence personified. To live that which the PCE demonstrated and in doing so to offer (and demonstrate) a solid alternative to the “hypocrisy, the lack of equity, the ignorant irresponsibility and the harm that was being done by all”. This innocence is what I (and I am sure others on this forum) detect from you and if I had not experienced it first hand I would probably have believed it to be impossible.

VINEETO: Remember, on February 27 you wrote – “So the question is what will seduce ‘me’ to want to gift this gift, it will have to be big!”

It is indeed “big” – “to offer (and demonstrate) a solid alternative to the “hypocrisy, the lack of equity, the ignorant irresponsibility and the harm that was being done by all”, “to be innocence personified”.

It is wonderful beyond words that this is what you passionately want to be … Richard called it service.

Richard: […] As for service: the reward for going to the very end of illusion and delusion is to emerge, unscathed, as the actual. The benefits of doing so are beyond price; to remove oneself from the invidious position of being betwixt sycophants and traducers, being one among many. The immediate bestowal of universal peace upon oneself is the benefit worthiest of acknowledgment. Yet, rewards and benefits notwithstanding, to have reached one’s destiny is to be of the ultimate service possible ... the universe has been able to fulfil itself in a human being. Finally there is an intelligence operating unimpeded ... blind nature has been superseded.

To live this is what service is. (Richard, List B, No. 25d, 29 September 1999).

KUBA: So this is the flavour of ‘my’ deepest desire – to be that. I thought before that it is pointless to proceed in this direction precisely because ‘I’ can never ‘be’ innocent. But this is exactly the point isn’t it?

VINEETO: Ah, this is wonderful. This is what your open question has revealed to you. For this ‘you’ are willing to give 100% of your ‘self’ in order to make this deepest wish an actuality, to be innocence personified, which is something entirely new to human history.

KUBA: That ‘I’ must give up ‘myself’ in order to allow ‘my’ deepest desire to become an actuality.

VINEETO: Ha, once you are willing to say “‘I’ must will give up ‘myself’” then what you deeply wished for, all your life, will be granted – by ‘you’, the only ‘being’ which can grant this wish.

It is pure magic.

Cheers Vineeto

March 9 2025

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

You are welcome. You do understand that Richard’s quote about ‘service’ had been referred to your choice and the ramifications of your deep “desire is to be innocence personified”?

KUBA: All this that I have been doing (with your invaluable assistance) the past year reminds me of what Richard wrote:

Richard: To have the requisite determination to apply oneself, with the diligence and perseverance born out of pure intent, to the patient dismantling of one’s accrued social identity indicates a strength of purpose unequalled in the annals of history. It is no little thing that one does and it has enormous consequences, not only for one’s own well-being, but for humankind as a whole. [Emphasis added]. (Richard’s Resumé)

I have come a long way though because now I know that what ‘I’ deeply desire is to be innocence personified, and furthermore I see that the ‘wisdom’ that ‘I’ have lived on all ‘my’ life is a damnation to never-ending suffering.

VINEETO: I fully agree that what you have done “indicates a strength of purpose unequalled in the annals of history” and you can wear this compliment without flinching.

From the perspective of innocence any suffering of a single human being is too much and any ‘wisdom’ promoting and perpetuation suffering is intolerable. Your native intelligence, determination and sincerity have successfully guided you through the weird and wacky maze of the human condition to bring you now to the brink of allowing to happen what ‘you’ wanted all your life for the benefit of your body, that body and everybody.

KUBA: This “too good to be true / I am not good enough” seems to have gone now. I no longer feel like a heretic when I allow that to be innocence personified is my destiny. It no longer feels taboo to proceed towards perfection and purity.

VINEETO: Ah, I am pleased to hear – you have left ‘humanity’ behind. Besides, how can you be a heretic to something which only exists in the human psyche!

Richard: And just as ‘I’ suffer because ‘I’ exist (suffering is ‘my’ very nature) ‘humanity’ suffers because it exists (suffering is very nature of ‘humanity’) and thus a virtue is made out of suffering because the survival of ‘humanity’ is at risk ... hence the taboo on escape.
Yet ‘humanity’ has no existence outside of the human psyche. (Richard, List B, James3, 7 Nov 2002)

It is delightful conversing with you.

Cheers Vineeto

March 10 2025

VINEETO: You are welcome. You do understand that Richard’s quote about ‘service’ had been referred to your choice and the ramifications of your deep “desire is to be innocence personified”?

KUBA: Ah yes it did feel a bit odd aiming that word at you haha. So the service is what ‘I’ do by giving ‘myself’ up so that I can be innocence personified, this is what ‘I’ do for humankind. What this body will do once ‘I’ am gone or what you do now is part and parcel of being that very benevolence and benignity, of being innocence personified. To call it service is somewhat backwards oriented, taking a word from ‘my’ world and then trying to fit actual innocence into it’s frame.

VINEETO: It is your deep “desire is to be innocence personified” and thus be of service to humankind – “to offer (and demonstrate) a solid alternative to the “hypocrisy, the lack of equity, the ignorant irresponsibility and the harm that was being done by all”, which galvanises you to sacrifice your ‘self’. Well, that is the beginning of your service, afterwards it is just part of the territory of being benign and benevolent, innocent and magnanimous.

*

VINEETO: From the perspective of innocence any suffering of a single human being is too much and any ‘wisdom’ promoting and perpetuation suffering is intolerable.

KUBA: Ah how interesting that you write this because I was contemplating it just a couple of hours ago when driving to train BJJ. I was looking at what is still keeping ‘me’ from making that 100% commitment. I could see the remaining vestiges of ‘my’ life, of the who that ‘I’ am. I found it odd… On one hand there is this deep desire to be innocence personified and then there is ‘me’, driving to a gym where ‘I’ will engage in a competitive sport that centres around submitting others. There was some kind of a conflict there, because I see that competition is just another variation of the “rat race”, I have already investigated all the ugly outcomes of this.

VINEETO: Mmh, does it have to be “competitive”? Can it not instead be showing fellow human beings how to defend themselves in emergency situations, or simply to enjoy using their physical energy to become proficient in physical activities for the sheer fun of it?

KUBA: This doesn’t mean that I have to stop training or teaching BJJ, just like realising that I exist in an exploitative system does not mean I need to go around “painting burning banks”. However I could see that if ‘I’ am to proceed towards actualising ‘my’ deepest desire (of being innocence personified) that whatever is left of ‘me’ will be obliterated, ‘I’/‘me’ and innocence are incompatible. Whatever remnant aspects of ‘being someone in particular’ are at odds with proceeding towards ‘my’ goal.

VINEETO: Ha, it’s good you can see that.

KUBA: But there was this exact thought, that how could ‘I’ (knowing what ‘my’ goal is) encourage any endeavour which causes or perpetuates suffering for even a single person. It is ‘me’ that is the root cause of all the problems not the BJJ but even so it is an interesting place ‘I’ find ‘myself’ in – ‘I’ know what ‘my’ goal is and so now ‘I’ look at ‘my’ life and it’s all under question.

VINEETO: Yes, I can understand this very well – the question I was asking myself after having become basically free, was am I really harmless in all my actions? What are the possible ramifications of my actions on others. It took some meticulous searching and intense conversations with Richard to remove some cobwebs of false ideals as well before this question was satisfactorily settled.

KUBA: What I am sure of is that going all the way is far more important than concerns of what this body will get up to when ‘I’ am gone. But this “in between” place that ‘I’ am currently in is very fascinating – in what manner do ‘I’ continue living ‘my’ life when ‘I’ know what the goal is… It seems this is the point, that ‘I’ cannot continue living ‘my’ life if ‘I’ sincerely wish to actualise ‘my’ deepest desire, they are simply at odds.

VINEETO: Mmh, perhaps you’ll see clearer when ‘I’/‘me’ no longer tries to interfere in the effortless happening of life.

Remember, ‘you’ don’t have to become innocent – you said yourself “‘I’/‘me’ and innocence are incompatible” – it may look sincere on the surface but it’s merely a trick to procrastinate.

All ‘you’ have to do is to get out of the way.

Cheers Vineeto

March 10 2025

VINEETO: Remember, ‘you’ don’t have to become innocent – you said yourself “‘I’/‘me’ and innocence are incompatible” – it may look sincere on the surface but it’s merely a trick to procrastinate.

KUBA: Yes I can see this, the “conflict” that I mentioned driving to train BJJ was because it is ‘me’ that can never be innocent, so ‘I’ can deflect by projecting it out into various social issues.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

You can also say that your near-actual-caring is reminding you of your deep desire to be innocence personified, and experiencing the stark discrepancy of ‘me’ and actuality the result of your experience of pure intent working its magic.

KUBA: It is exactly what Richard described in one of the articles in his journal when he was being urged to get involved with protesting against the pollution of a local river:

Richard: I am that stillness experiencing itself … I am pristine, through and through. By daring to be here now, by being me as-I-am, I have already ”cleaned up” all the pollution … by not being polluted at all in the first place. (Richard’s Journal, Article Twenty-Five, ©2004)

VINEETO: It’s a wonderful quote, thank you.

Cheers Vineeto

March 14 2025

KUBA: Geoffrey wrote about “rising to the challenge of being here as the universes experience of itself” prior to ‘his’ self-immolation, this is exactly the direction that ‘I’ am looking at. And the question that ‘I’ want to answer experientially for ‘myself’ is – Is it safe, sensible and beneficial for all concerned to have ‘me’ disappear completely and to have only the perfection and purity left. Will the perfection and purity “know what it is doing” when left completely to its own devices.

And this is 1 thing to allow as an idea but to experientially allow this as far as humanly possible in my daily life is a different thing. As in can I turn up to work, deal with various things – essentially to continue existing “in the marketplace” and for ‘me’ to have no involvement in any of these matters at all. That whatever remnant shreds of involvement that ‘I’ have would no longer play any part at all – rising to the challenge of being here as the universes experience of itself.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Given that you have already convincingly experienced and described your deep “desire is to be innocence personified”, and have also recognized/ admitted that “‘I’/‘me’ and innocence are incompatible”, and given that ‘you’ now have again taken full reign with this cunning and corrupt entity, which is incompatible with / polar opposite to innocence personified, I have a question for ‘you’ who attempts to throw a spanner in the works, trying to prevent your deep desire to come to fruition – what guarantee can ‘you’ give, provided the “question” is answered to ‘your’ satisfaction, that ‘you’ will voluntarily give up prevaricating and sabotaging, and not inventing another and yet another doubt to keep ‘you’ in control? If ‘you’ cannot give this guarantee then your ‘problem’ is not worth the pixels to communicate it.

Richard lived for 32 years in perfection because (not despite) no ‘self’ was controlling his life living itself, I have done so for about 15 years without a hitch, not to mention the other actually free people.

What is so special about ‘you’, the ever so cunning entity controlling Kuba’s flesh-and-blood body, that ‘you’ feel that ‘you’ are indispensable for Kuba’s survival? Is it perhaps the fear of extinction hiding behind a cunningly presented problem, to which you have already plenty of experiential answers from countless PCEs? If so, no half-hearted (as in “as far as humanly possible”) solution to this puzzle is possible.

The only way it can be experientially proved that an actual freedom is “safe, sensible and beneficial for all concerned”, after all the experiential research done already, is by allowing it to happen.

Cheers Vineeto

March 14 2025

KUBA: So what you are asking is – Can ‘I’ guarantee that if ‘I’ was to wave a magic wand right now and resolve this latest objection (to ‘my’ satisfaction) that ‘I’ would allow ‘my’ self-immolation right now?

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Basically yes, that is what I am asking. It is a rhetorical question because both you and I know that this guarantee can never be given.

I asked in order for you to experientially see the cunningness of ‘me’, and perhaps by fully comprehending the seemingly inexhaustible cunning of ‘me’, creating doubt and confusion and preventing to allowing naiveté and pure intent to live your life to the full extent possible.

KUBA: OK so the only solution worth entertaining is that which comes from a deeply passionate and caring involvement?

VINEETO: Yes, this is what your naïve inquiry into a cause worth sacrificing your ‘self’ for has produced. I keep thinking of Richard’s quote –

Richard: No, I am more making the point that only altruism – self-sacrificial humanitarianism – will provide the enormous energy necessary for ‘self’-immolation ... the instinct for individual survival is only exceeded by the instinct for group survival.

It takes a powerful instinct to overcome a powerful instinct. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List B, James3, 28 October 2002a)

In case you discover a passionate doubt or fear or any other deeply felt obstacle to your desired aim, then you can harness the passionate energy by staying with the thrill whilst allowing pure intent to bring you closer and closer to your aim – “to offer (and demonstrate) a solid alternative to the hypocrisy, the lack of equity, the ignorant irresponsibility and the harm that was being done by all”.

The solution, as I can only surmise at this point, is accumulating and fostering this “enormous energy” required, which is a passionate energy (without frittering it away by doubt and confusion).

I have seen it happen with the woman of Indian birth. (Richard, List D, Rick, 23 December 2011) During the intense interaction which preceded her moment of becoming actually free she first talked about her deeply felt universal sorrow for all feeling beings including animals and her urgent question why that was so, and after Richard and I explained the nature of universal sorrow, her feelings turned to doubt, which was then followed by fear. As the conversation went on, she arrived back at her question of ‘why’ there is universal sorrow, only to be followed again by doubt and then fear once more, followed then by cycling back to her question of ‘why’. This pattern went on several times until I was able to point out how she was going round and round in a circle with the same question and the same feelings. She went another round, and was able to recognize the pattern herself … and her mind became very quiet.

Richard was then able to talk to her about actual time – that it is always now and that the person who arrived at the airport no longer existed, even the person who walked through the door a couple of hours ago no longer existed. She agreed and as she agreed she experienced time standing still … and the rest is history.

I am not sure if that made things clearer for you.

Cheers Vineeto

PS:

KUBA: Yes I see this and I wonder perhaps do you (and others) see ‘me’ doing this very thing too?

VINEETO: Kuba, it is the nature of the identity to prevaricate and procrastinate. There is no point blaming yourself as all you can do is recognize it when it is happening.

March 15 2025

KUBA: What I can see is that there is some kind of an addiction to the apparent safety of ‘being’, of suffering. That ‘being’ those passions is somehow required for safety, for survival etc. It reminds me of something that Richard wrote in his journal haha :

Richard: Initially one is deathly afraid to actually be here now, as it can feel rather rudely raw … one feels more naked and exposed than taking off one’s clothing in the market place. (Richard’s Journal, 1997, Article Twenty-Five, p. 182)

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

‘I’ may feel insecure by ‘my’ very nature as ‘I’ am but a contingent ‘being’, a versatile chameleon of ever-changing passions. You are spot on, “passions is somehow required for safety, for survival”, ‘I’ cannot exist without passion, ‘I’ am those passions swirling around the vortex creating ‘my presence’. This very feeling of insecurity can be the doorway to freedom –

Richard: Fear – existential angst at finding oneself to be the contingent ‘being’ one always suspected oneself to be – is both the barrier and the way to freedom. Always included in fear is a thrilling aspect, and by focussing upon this and not fear itself, an energy gathers momentum which does the trick for one (thrilling as in an exciting sensation through the body, stirring, stimulating, electrifying, rousing, moving, gripping, hair-raising, riveting, joyful, pleasing, throbbing, trembling, tremulous, quivering, shivering, fluttering, shuddering and vibrating).

‘I’ cannot set ‘myself’ free ... but ‘I’ can set in motion a process that will lead to ‘my’ eventual demise. (Richard, List B, No. 12a, 18 Jul 1998).

Alternatively, when there is no fear or anxiety barring the way, the very next paragraph from the one you quoted gives you a follow-up on how to proceed –

In other words: allow feeling rudely raw until the feeling of being exposed dies down – then you can actually be here now. And this is magical.

KUBA: I just realised that ‘Vineeto’ did in fact experience being “naked and exposed” prior to ‘her’ self-immolation. (Actualism, ActualVineeto, Claudiu5, 12 March 2025).

But this is exactly it – To stand naked and unadorned as this flesh and blood body, no pretence, no ‘being’. This is the challenge, the challenge to be actually intimate, the challenge to have no ‘hiding place’.

VINEETO: Yes, the social constraints to being naked, and sexuality in general, provide the first barrier, on the social identity level, to be “naked and exposed” but it is the existential exposure of having nothing to hide which is the more frightening, and you are presently having fun exploring this challenge and discovering the delight of being more and more intimate.

On the same topic you wrote –

KUBA: Oh I will just add, Vineeto, when I wrote the other posts there was some fear/ anxiety as to how you would respond – So yes clearly ‘I’ had something to hide, ‘I’ was afraid of ‘my’ hiding place being exposed.

VINEETO: This is very perceptive of you.

Feeling being ‘Vineeto’ was often afraid for the same reason, that Richard would discover something ‘she’ wasn’t even aware ‘she’ was hiding. Despite our long acquaintance, this anxiety never completely disappeared until shortly before ‘she’ disappeared as a contingent ‘being’. However, the more ‘I’ became exposed, the less fear there was because there was less and less to hide.

Yet despite your “fear/ anxiety” you always graciously inquire into the aspects which get revealed in our conversations, an indication that an actual freedom has priority over the possibility of ‘having egg on your face’, to use a colloquial term. This, amongst other things, is meant by ‘daring to care and caring to dare’.

Cheers Vineeto

March 15 2025

VINEETO: I have seen it happen with the woman of Indian birth. (Richard, List D, Rick, 23 December 2011). During the intense interaction which preceded her moment of becoming actually free she first talked about her deeply felt universal sorrow for all feeling beings including animals and her urgent question why that was so, and after Richard and I explained the nature of universal sorrow, her feelings turned to doubt, which was then followed by fear. As the conversation went on, she arrived back at her question of ‘why’ there is universal sorrow, only to be followed again by doubt and then fear once more, followed then by cycling back to her question of ‘why’. This pattern went on several times until I was able to point out how she was going round and round in a circle with the same question and the same feelings. She went another round, and was able to recognize the pattern herself … and her mind became very quiet.

Richard was then able to talk to her about actual time – that it is always now and that the person who arrived at the airport no longer existed, even the person who walked through the door a couple of hours ago no longer existed. She agreed and as she agreed she experienced time standing still … and the rest is history. (…)

I am not sure if that made things clearer for you.

KUBA: Ah ok I see what you were getting at now… Yes there is no sense in ‘me’ blaming ‘myself’ for going around in circles and neither should ‘I’ necessarily try to cover this up or deflect into something else, there is something key here.

‘I’ did begin to see the pattern hence I asked Claudiu if perhaps it has been obvious to all but not ‘me’ haha.

VINEETO: It is natural to first perceive it as “some kind of a telling off“” and I am glad you could recognize that this is not the case. The more you become familiar with this ‘pattern’ and recognize the furphy it actually is, the quicker you can abandon it.

KUBA: Would it be correct to say that for the woman of Indian birth it was the recognition of the pattern which precipitated the apperceptive seeing which ended ‘her’? Of course the passionate involvement had to be there in the first place for any of this to happen.

VINEETO: Yes, it caused her frantically busy mind to stop long enough to allow the process of her demise to complete with the help of recognizing that there is only this moment which is actual. She had already confidently and passionately stated actual freedom as her goal from the very start.

KUBA: I described the other day how during the PCE at 18 I saw ‘myself’ as an “echo playing on repeat”, of course this ‘echo’ can only go round and round in circles. But if ‘I’ am to find a way to allow ‘myself’ to be seen like so, this can be the end of ‘me’.

I wonder if this will make much sense for you but this is what I can see so far from what you wrote.

VINEETO: You are still trying to do something – you have already seen (and remembered) the “echo playing on repeat”. Nothing more to do – be here and enjoy and appreciate letting the universe live you. It must be one of the hardest things for you to do, lol.

Cheers Vineeto

March 15 2025

VINEETO: The solution, as I can only surmise at this point, is accumulating and fostering this “enormous energy” required, which is a passionate energy (without frittering it away by doubt and confusion).

KUBA: Yes it has and in fact I was looking at it exactly in this way before you posted. It is as if there is a force-field between ‘me’ and the actual world, this force-field is very real and ‘I’ am somewhat standing right up to it. So far every time ‘I’ have pushed into it there was not enough force to go all the way through and instead ‘I’ was as if bounced back to the same position, of being right up to it.

VINEETO: You are aware, I guess, that the force-field is created by ‘my’ resistance, the very aspect of ‘you’ which does yet agree to abdicate. Pushing against it will only increase the resistance, forcing yourself can never set you free. What part of the term ‘allow the universe to live you’ is it you misunderstand?

Instead of searching hither and thither, be a patient friend to the resistant aspect of ‘you’, listen, find out the problem, sit with the fear when it appears, sit with whatever passion comes to the fore – and in the meantime enjoy and appreciate, and then some more, until the exuberance of enjoyment and cherishing envelops your whole ‘being’.

Richard: ‘The felicitous/ innocuous feelings are in no way docile, lack-lustre affections ... in conjunction with sensuosity they make for an extremely forceful/ potent combination as, with all of the affective energy channelled into being as happy and harmless as is humanly possible (and no longer being frittered away on love and compassion/ malice and sorrow), the full effect of ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being – which is ‘being’ itself – is dynamically enabled for one purpose and one purpose alone. (...) The actualism method is not about undermining the passions ... on the contrary, it is about directing all of that affective energy into being the felicitous/ innocuous feelings (that is, ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being, which is ‘being’ itself) in order to effect a deliberate imitation of the actual, as evidenced in a PCE [a pure consciousness experience], so as to feel as happy and as harmless (as free of malice and sorrow) as is humanly possibly whilst remaining a ‘self’.

Such imitative felicity/ innocuity, in conjunction with sensuosity, readily evokes amazement, marvel, and delight – a state of wide-eyed wonder best expressed by the word naiveté (the nearest a ‘self’ can come to innocence whilst being a ‘self’) – and which allows the overarching benignity and benevolence inherent to the infinitude, which this infinite and eternal and perpetual universe actually is, to operate more and more freely. This intrinsic benignity and benevolence, which has nothing to do with the imitative affective happiness and harmlessness, will do the rest.

All that was required was ‘my’ cheerful, and thus willing, concurrence’. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 60f, 29 September 2005).

KUBA: So after these failed attempts it seems ‘I’ then try to make that force-field somehow weaker, like ‘I’ could get a little closer and then it would take a bit less of a push, then ‘I’ could do it with what ‘I’ have got at hand. But this would rest on the assumption that this force-field can be weakened, but when I consider that this is talking about ‘my’ extinction then it’s clear that it cannot. Rather it is the passionate energy that has to be garnered even more.

VINEETO: Yep, your ‘physics’ of ‘me’ is all a misunderstanding. ‘I’ cannot end ‘myself’ (remember, the last piece of the pizza?). Here is the relevant text again, with highlights for convenience –

Richard: Now, it is ‘me’ who is responsible for an action that results in ‘my’ own demise – without really doing the expunging itself (and I am not being tricky here) – as it is ‘me’ who is the initiator of bringing about this sacrifice in that ‘I’ deliberately and consciously, and with knowledge aforethought (from the PCE), set in motion a ‘process’ that will ensure ‘my’ demise (‘I’ do not really end ‘myself’ in that ‘I’ do not do the deed itself for ‘I’ cannot end ‘myself’). What ‘I’ do, voluntarily and intentionally (cheerfully and blessedly), is press the button which precipitates a, oft-times alarming but always thrilling, momentum which will result in ‘my’ irrevocable ‘self’-immolation in toto. What one does is that one dedicates oneself to the challenge of being just here, right now, as the universe’s experience of itself ... peace-on-earth is the inevitable result because it is already always existing (‘I’ was merely standing in the way of it being apparent). [Emphases added]. (Richard, Abditorium, Altruism)

There is most likely something that prevents you from “being just here, right now”, without pushing, acting, doing – just being here now. Richard has a reason to call it a challenge.

KUBA: OK so what I take from this for sure is to be on the look out for the various ways in which ‘I’ fritter away this passionate energy. Those “side-missions” are very enticing because they appear to me that they are doing something productive, but they cannot assist in producing this enormous passionate energy, that I can see.

VINEETO: I suspect, and I might be wrong, your greatest challenge is to do nothing and let “this enormous passionate energy” of felicitousness and innocuousness accumulate and let the universe live you.

Cheers Vineeto

March 15 2025

KUBA: This seems this is exactly what I was trying to get at when I wrote about “rising to the challenge of being here as the universe’s experience of itself”, except that instead of rising to the challenge ‘I’ first tried to do some problem-solving to prove to ‘myself’ that it is safe to do so.

Richard: … What ‘I’ do, voluntarily and intentionally (cheerfully and blessedly), is press the button which precipitates a, oft-times alarming but always thrilling, momentum which will result in ‘my’ irrevocable ‘self’-immolation in toto. What one does is that one dedicates oneself to the challenge of being just here, right now, as the universe’s experience of itself … peace-on-earth is the inevitable result because it is already always existing (‘I’ was merely standing in the way of it being apparent). [Emphases added]. (Richard, Abditorium, Altruism)

This makes sense now more than ever before, the ‘process’ which Richard mentions is the apperceptive seeing which ends ‘me’. So ‘I’ (the last piece of pizza) do not do it, rather by rising to the challenge of being here as the universes experience of itself ‘I’ invite this ‘process’ to happen to ‘me’.

What seems to be stopping ‘me’ from initiating this ‘process’ is this “feeling rudely raw about the prospect of being here now”, this is what ‘I’ was trying to solve by those prior deliberations.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

I would say it is the other way round – this ‘process’ has already been initiated and therefore you are “feeling rudely raw about the prospect of being here now” and that you want to remove/ avoid the discomfort “by those prior deliberations” is an instinctual escape reaction, which is why Richard called it “a, oft-times alarming but always thrilling, momentum”.

It’s too late to reconsider now. Hence my suggestion to avoid doing something but rather allow it to happen, let pure intent take its course. Richard once said that the human condition is weird, and therefore getting out of it is weird too.

KUBA: So this is exactly how ‘I’ experienced it working a hen do yesterday, the initial social identity barrier was removed but underneath it was exactly that – “feeling rudely raw about the prospect of being here now”. And this feeling it seems it cannot be reduced anymore, it is that very core of ‘me’. At times yesterday this feeling did indeed subside and I found myself here more and more, and completely at ease.

VINEETO: So even though the impression was that “this feeling it seems it cannot be reduced anymore” it can nevertheless “subside and I found myself here more and more, and completely at ease”. It’s like with all intense feelings, once you stop objecting to it, it will diminish and disappear.

Nice.

KUBA: So it seems it is about proceeding in this direction, of experientially sussing out how to rise to this challenge. The way ‘I’ experience it is that proceeding in this direction it is as if ‘I’ am forgetting something very important, ‘I’ am screaming to go back to this thing that is apparently critical for ‘my’ safety. It’s like that feeling of “oh shit I left the oven on” when one leaves the house, amplified x10. It’s urging ‘me’ to go back, to check one more time that all is safe. But of course ‘I’ will do that forever hence the circling. So ‘I’ cannot wait until the waters are completely calm before proceeding in this direction, then it would never happen.

VINEETO: Yes, this is the very “oft-times alarming but always thrilling, momentum” in action, which Richard talks about – which means everything is going well. Don’t let ‘me’ interfere by trying to “go back, to check one more time that all is safe” or become impatient that “the waters are” not “completely calm”. Let it happen, don’t turn back. Enjoy the thrilling ride. If it was easy everyone would have done it already.

Richard: To put it bluntly: ‘you’ in ‘your’ totality, who are but a passionate illusion, must die a dramatic illusory death commensurate to ‘your’ pernicious existence. The drama must be played out to the end ... there are no short-cuts here. The doorway to an actual freedom has the word ‘extinction’ written on it. This extinction is irrevocable, which eliminates the psyche itself. When this is all over there will be no ‘being’ at all. Thus when ‘I’ willingly self-immolate – psychologically and psychically – then ‘I’ am making the most noble sacrifice that ‘I’ can make for oneself and all humankind ... for ‘I’ am what ‘I’ hold most dear. [Emphases added]. (Richard, List B, No. 13, 26 May 1999)

Once you give up all resistance then even the panicky urge to go back will simmer down and disappear.

This is all really wonderful, and we are all graciously invited to watch every moment of your grand adventure. Thank you for this privilege.

With much joy and appreciation

Vineeto

March 16 2025

KUBA: I had an interesting experience yesterday relating to this, that yes the drama is very real and yet it is a drama after-all… That suffering is very real and yet it is not actual. It made me think back to what Richard wrote in his journal :

Richard: Are fear, terror, horror and dread only real? Is it only an act I have to play out in order to be here now? (Richard’s Journal, 2004, Article Nine)

and

Richard: In the place where I am genuine, no mental or emotional scars are carried. Stress, so vividly experienced in reality, has no actuality here. (Richard’s Journal, 2004, Article Twenty-Six)

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

This is an experience confirming that you are allowing the drama to play out and an excellent observation as well.

Whenever I provide quotes from Richard regarding altruism and self-immolation, I am well aware that most of his writing happened before the Direct Route was opened (only List D correspondence occurred afterwards). Therefore, Richard draws from his own experience of coming out of the enlightened state which was naturally quite dramatic.

Nevertheless, the human condition being what it, is still has the same potential for high drama, and in the end, once committed to and embarked on the adventure, it can only be encouraging and pleasantly surprising when one’s own experiences are not as stark as described.

KUBA: So although this drama can indeed reach some staggering intensity ultimately it is just a drama (this is what ‘my’ existence amounts to), it means nothing in the grand scheme of things. Of course, ‘I’ am prepared to let this thing play out to whatever intensity it needs to and yet from the other side it will have been “an emotional play in a fertile imagination”.

VINEETO: It is been very fortunate that you discovered this pattern of last-minute-distractions because now you can be fully committed to “let his thing play out to whatever intensity it needs to” without objections and doubt. Yet, you have already experienced enough of “the other side” to recognize it is not actually serious even though the emotions are doing their level-best to convince you otherwise.

KUBA: And I could see it from the “other side” to a degree, that no matter the intensity of the drama – “in the place where I am genuine, no mental or emotional scars are carried”.
So what I take away from this is that it is good to put a green light on this thing and let it play out, it is safe.

VINEETO: Just excellent. I salute your audacity.

Remember how dramatic it was for ‘Vineeto’ five days before the event (Actualism, ActualVineeto, Claudiu5, 12 March 2025) and how jovial, convivial and almost imperceptible the actual transition turned out to be. (Actualism, ActualVineeto, Becoming Free Report).

Cheers Vineeto

March 22 2025

Richard: However, a word of experiential advice: just prior to apperception occurring, ‘I’, the beholder – the one who wants to be in control – can view life as being bereft of depth. Everything can become flat, two-dimensional, barren and stark. This is not actuality, although one may be inclined to feel it to be so. This is reality, stark reality, and is not to be confused with actuality. Actuality is never, ever, stark. This starkness can influence one to pull back, to retreat into ‘normal’ life. Courage of one’s conviction and confidence in the purity of the actual is essential if one is to proceed. All of one’s ‘being’ wants to back off and regain the once-despised reality that looks so attractive now, from this extreme position. This stark reality is a barrier; it is a desert of monumental proportions that one can only traverse if supplied with the fortitude garnered from the peak experience. Then one is willing to endure the ghastly reality masquerading as the actual. The very ground beneath one’s feet can appear to shift, to disappear, and all seems to hang upon nothing. Unsupported and alone, one is in the outer-most reaches of ‘being’. The feeling is that one cannot survive this appalling emptiness without going mad. To be in durance vile is not for the faint-hearted, the weak of knee. Nerves of steel are essential if one is to meet one’s destiny. It is the adventure of a life-time. (Richard’s Journal, Article 26)

KUBA: So the above quote demonstrates exactly what has been going on recently, it has been a pretty rocky ride at times!

The other interesting thing which I forgot to mention is that when ‘I’ am experiencing this starkness full on it appears as if this is all that ‘I’ have ever known and all ‘I’ will ever know, and yet it can switch (and yo-yo) in a matter of seconds – where now all of a sudden it’s as if none of that ever happened, and back and forth like that.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

What a fascinating thrilling time you are having, traversing this “desert of monumental proportions” and yet knowing with utter certainty that you are “proceeding towards my destiny”, and that there is “absolutely nothing in that direction to go back to”.

Reading all this I was wondering if you perhaps are deeply influenced by these particular descriptions of Richard’s Journal – he was after all drawing from his experience of coming out of Spiritual Enlightenment /institutionalized insanity – such that they are what is now happening to you, especially as you also noticed that “it can switch (and yo-yo) in a matter of seconds – where now all of a sudden it’s as if none of that ever happened, and back and forth like that”.

However, in the ultimate analysis it does not matter, because once the weirdness ends and you know with the perspicacity of apperception that “none of that ever happened” but was “nothing but an illusion all along”.

Richard: I mean it when I say: ‘I have the most classic indication of insanity. That is: everyone else is mad but me’.

The sanity of the real world – which is a sanity that produces wars and rapes and murders and tortures and domestic violence and child abuse and sadness and loneliness and grief and depression and suicide – is a sickness, a blight upon this fair earth. Thus, whichever way it is defined, I am not sane ... I have oft-times been told that only a fool – a simpleton – can be happy and harmless in the world of people, things and events.

The doorway to an actual freedom has the words ‘Warning: do not open ... insanity lies ahead’ written on it. I opened the door and walked through. Once on the other side – where thousands upon thousands of atavistic voices were insistently whispering ‘fool – fool – fool’ – I turned to ascertain the way back to normal. The door had vanished – and the wall it was set in – and I just knew that I would never, ever be able to find my way back to the real-world ... it had been nothing but an illusion all along. I walked tall and free as the perfection of this material universe personified ... I can never not be here ... now. (Richard, List B, No. 26a, 24 November 1998).

KUBA: Reading this back I can see why it might be “rocky at times”, there is still some kind of a resistance coming from ‘me’. It is odd because where pure intent is pulling ‘me’ is towards the end of suffering and yet ‘I’ experience it almost as if it’s some kind of an assault. ‘I’ am desperately holding onto ‘me’ and yet ‘I’ am suffering, and then the pull towards the end of suffering is experienced as an assault…

VINEETO: I am immensely pleased that you discovered “some kind of a resistance coming from ‘me’” because it is this “resistance” which is fuelling the weirdness. The more you pay close attention to this “resistance”, and your experience of pure intent “as an assault” which is counteracting the “oblivion” you yearn for, the more you can deliberately lean into the feeling that “‘I’ do desire oblivion”, recognize and acknowledge it as a sincere yearning, a deeply felt longing, a life-long passionate wish to end being a fraud/an impostor who is having to carry the burden of hiding and desperately defending its own frightful secret.

The reason I can speak so confidently about this ‘life-long passionate wish to end being a fraud’ is because ‘Vineeto’ deeply felt it many times in ‘her’ life, from the first moment when ‘she’ fell unconscious (due to low blood-pressure at the time). There was something so sweet, so enticing, so attractive, in those seconds before unconsciousness set in, and similar in following events that ‘she’ always wondered why that was so. ‘She’ finally found the answer when learning about an actual freedom – with the possibility to make those enticing seconds a permanent experience, via ‘her’ acquiesce to ‘her’ demise.

Richard: When the ultimate moment happens, one finds that one has gone beyond everything. Nothing remains, only utter stillness abounds. The perfection and purity of the stillness is impossible to imagine or believe … it has to be lived to be known. The journey is over, one has arrived at one’s destination. One’s destiny is here. (Richard’s Journal, Article 23).

Thinking of you with the confidence of the pure intent showering its blessings originating in the purity and vast stillness of this infinite and eternal universe.

Cheers Vineeto