VINEETO: Hi,

RESPONDENT: I’ve asked some questions ... I’ve read your posts ... and for me ... enough is enough.

What is also obvious to me is that you now believe you know something. I have been there many times, and have had some rude awakenings when I have realized that I didn’t know anything. You are stuck in your new-found truths, preaching in order to convince yourselves by convincing others.

VINEETO: Yes, I know something, I have experienced something. Not just once, but every day. And it is so unbelievably delicious that I want to give everyone the opportunity to check it out for themselves. You checked out what we write – and found nothing in it for you. Good, that’s everyone’s freedom.

But then, as became obvious in the correspondence of the last days, not everyone can relate to what you are writing, that’s just how it is, isn’t it?

RESPONDENT: My site has a new look!

VINEETO: I did have a look. What I found was very interesting. You know, I find it such good fun; finally we are able to do here, on this list, what I always wanted to do in my years of Sannyas – to discuss openly about our discoveries, questions and doubts. My quest for exploration and thorough investigation wasn’t satisfied then. Now we are doing it, live. Good, hey!

You wrote in your ‘biography’ on your web-site:

RESPONDENT: I was seriously planning how I was going to go about killing myself, when I was suddenly stopped by a flash of insight. All at once I doubted my mind. It was the first time I ever questioned my know-it-all attitude. I was confounded by not being able to reconcile suicide with my knowing everything. ‘I believe I know everything and I’m planning to kill myself? Could it be that I don’t know everything, that possibly I don’t know anything!’

VINEETO: Yepp, I know that intensity of despair. That’s when we are able to push through to an actual experience of what we are, rather than who we think we are, isn’t it?

And then you wrote about your magic experience on the veggie farm at the Ranch:

RESPONDENT: Then I heard a small voice in my head say to me – there is no problem, O.K., you are leaving, but since you are here for only another afternoon why don’t you just let go of this mind of yours that you know is making you so miserable, you can have it back at 5 o’clock when you leave, and you can just enjoy this crazy outing. Sounded very logical, so I agreed. Immediately, I was in bliss. Suddenly, everywhere was beauty and magic. It took me the whole time we were out in that field for me to plant just one artichoke.

VINEETO: You know, this is exactly what I mean, when I use the method of ‘How am I experiencing this moment of being alive?’ Each time I ask that question, it becomes obvious that there is only this moment, and if I am not happy now, I am wasting this moment of being alive. And out of that understanding I come back here, into this moment of being alive, in its actuality, abundance, magic, perfection and purity. Or I tackle what stops me from being here, what makes me unhappy, angry, sorrowful, malicious, fearful or desperate – and sort myself out, such that I get back here. The magic is, it works each time.

Peter described it like this:

Peter: Sometimes, seeing through some part of ‘me’ as a mere belief or instinctual pattern would come as a flash of realisation, sometimes as a slow painful dawning, which I would fight tooth and nail, reluctant to even acknowledge, let alone throw out. But gradually I could notice the psychological entity becoming thinner, actually weakening its hold over me. It then became apparent to me that I was indeed fixing myself up as much as ‘I’ could! Peter’s Journal, Intelligence

RESPONDENT: Most awakenings come out of pain, out of crisis. Were it not for suffering, how would we ever know anything was wrong? Like when there’s a splinter in your foot, you know from the pain that it needs to be removed. In this case, it is natural to be open to a remedy. Yet, when suffering is our life, we are less open to examine its cause. Somehow in the midst of my suicide crisis, I opened and trusted enough to doubt what I thought was true, my own thinking, my conditioned self.

VINEETO: Yes, that is my experience too, in the midst of the crisis, I gathered enough momentum to question everything I had believed before, and broke through to the actual world, which becomes apparent when we stop piling ideas and beliefs on what we experience. We come our senses both literally and figuratively. Very scary – and very magical. But in my experience it is not the pain that triggers the break-through, but having had enough of it and desperately wanting to find a way out of that pain. There are also people who are so much in love with their pain, they will never have an ‘awakening’, as you call it, or a break out of one’s dearly held belief structure. It needs a certain sensibility to question both the inevitability of the pain and the ‘truth’ of one’s present situation.

RESPONDENT: My life changed so much that I had to give up any concrete ideas of who I was. I discovered that identity was an unnecessary burden. I was no longer a Jew, an American, or anything else. I was no longer insulted by what others said.

VINEETO: Isn’t it a wonderful freedom to have no ideas of who one is, to have no identity whatsoever?! To be neither master nor disciple, neither wise nor stupid, neither male nor female role-oriented. When human beings are simply fellow human beings and there is no fear that they could pull the carpet out from under my feet – because I have done that already myself.

RESPONDENT: I began to understand J. Krishnamurti’s words: ‘You are the world, and the world is you’. Very much thanks to Osho, I re-discovered my heart. I had discovered meditative silence years before, yet I was missing this loving component, this female side of no-mind.

VINEETO: I am reminded of my ‘enlightenment’ experience a couple of months ago.

[Vineeto]: It all started when, one bright day in the beginning of October 98, Peter announced that he had decided he would not wait for me any longer. He would now go for the last step to freedom. I remember clearly him sitting on the moss-green railing of our balcony, his feet firmly pressed against the wall below for support, cigarette in hand and grinning mischievously. I was shocked that now was the time to die, to completely extinguish the ‘self’ I knew myself to be. No more procrastination. No more postponement, lingering on in this cosy delightful virtual freedom, wondering what emotion still wanted tackling – leisurely, pleasurely, at ease.

We had had several months of joyous exploration into the Human Condition since Peter’s Journal had been published. We lived day-in, day-out in perfect peace and harmony and enjoyed the leisure time in our little flat, doing very little, walking into town, having sex, playing on the computer, writing, watching TV, laying around on the couches and talking a lot. More and more we had cleaned ourselves up from instincts, emotions and beliefs, finding here and there bits in the ‘cupboard’ of our psyche to be swept out.

Now that pace had changed. Peter ‘charged for the bunker’! What about me? Surely I would not want to hang around any longer when he is disappearing! So I got myself into forward gear, checked on the direction and started the motor to drive away from the familiar cosiness of the virtual freedom, that I had enjoyed for so long, into the big Unknown.

Having decided to go into the face of death, fear arose, big fear. The dormant instinct of survival – now challenged – awoke from sleep and spread fear and doubt all over my body and brain. Everything went on alert to protect what I knew as me. One of those protecting methods was to create doubts, ghosts upon ghosts of doubt. Am I doing the right thing? No one has ever done it before, without going through enlightenment, and won’t I get lost? What if I end up accidentally enlightened? I was dead sure by now that this was a calamity I definitely wanted to avoid. Maybe I am not capable for such an unnatural task? Maybe I am not cleaned up enough and pushing too early? How will I know what is the right direction? And on and on they went in hours of chasing my tail, round in circles without any sensible outcome.

I spent a lot of time in the day to contemplate dying, trying to figure out of what it will consist of, how I will experience it, how it was for Richard. I would call that whole process ‘gathering intent’, adjusting direction, becoming clear that now I was going for the final price. Along with sorting out relationships came hours of deep sorrow, a seemingly endless personal farewell to everything and everyone who I had cherished, held dear, appreciated and felt close to. Well aware that the days of the leisurely ease of virtual freedom lay way behind, with the bridges burnt and no return, now an all-engulfing sadness pervaded me, a bitter-sweet drama that was played out worthy of the supposedly last days of my self. Denial and rejection went hand in hand with ‘pushing the vehicle up the hill’ ie. contemplating on the extinction of the self. What I found was a repetitive circle of fear – frustration – doubt – fear and the only way out is intent, intent to not stop at second best, whatever happens.

One day, imagining death again, I encountered a rush of glory going all through my belly, filling the chest area and filling my eyes with tears of joy and anticipation. I could see the ‘self’ enjoying the dignity of a willing death, agreeing to the undeniable fact that only the ‘self’ was in the road of experiencing the perfection of the universe. As close as the ‘self’ is able to I stood at the brink of actual freedom. By sheer obvious comparison I had to admit that I would never be able to accomplish or compete with the purity and crystal clear magic of this perfect universe. This glimpse alone was a thousandfold greater and more magical than any ‘self’ would ever be able to produce, no matter how much I would clean myself up and make myself perfect. This very realisation was to be the defeat of the ‘self’. But at the same time there was the utter joy and celebration of having seen and experienced what I would be dying for and that it was worth all of me.

You would think that was it. Well, it turned out to be one of the trick cards the ‘self’ had in stock – pretending that all was finished and accomplished now, and would I duly please take my mind of it now and finish the search! Waking up the next morning with shoulder stuck to my ears I knew I had deceived myself, the journey was far from over! What a cunning little bugger this oh so perfect ‘self’ could be! A little embarrassed I admitted my trickery to Peter, we had a good laugh and kept looking.

It has been a wonderful thrill, joy and support to go through this whole journey with Peter together. Since no personal relationship would spoil the sincere intent of both our investigations we could scientifically explore the ways our brains are wired and what is the easiest and quickest way out of this maze of emotion around death. I was often astonished and amazed that I never experienced a retreat or rejection from his side, again 180 degrees in the opposite direction to the spiritual approach. With each of us being focussed on our own discoveries and willingness to die we were thus able to compare notes, detect deceit or confusion, remember intent, and, after all, share the delights of the day. We would have a cup of coffee in the morning, go down town for lunch, do our shopping, lay around and talk, watch TV, have sex, write or play card and meet people just like before. Nobody would guess our state of madness, our seemingly impossible mission or at times our desperate attempts to see through the thick of it all. In this way we were not only pioneering to find a direct way to actual freedom without going in and out of Enlightenment, but also proved that it is possible to ‘stay in the marketplace’ and do it together with another human being.

One of our typical conversations would go like this:

Peter: ‘How is your conundrum?’

Vineeto: ‘Oh, it hasn’t appeared today yet, I expect it any time. How about you?’

Peter: ‘Mine is buzzing away in the background, giving every moment the thrilling experience of the adventure of a life-time.’

One day, at dusk, I felt the fear approaching again, tensing my back muscles and increasing in intensity like the swelling sound of cicadas in the bush. This time it was warmly welcomed like a longed-for ally, announcing the approaching of my impending destiny. I have no objections whatsoever, no doubts, not even excitement of something going wrong. A delicious complete undivided yes to whatever wants to happen. This is doing what is happening, indistinguishable, without choice, clear and obvious. A wave of gratefulness sweeps over me towards everyone who knowingly and unknowingly has contributed to who I am and what I have become – parents and family, teachers and friends, masters and co-seekers, enemies and lovers. They all had part in the perfecting process of me now standing at the brink of completion.

There are physical sensations of fire and tingling in stomach and back, which slowly fill up the whole chest-area with heart-warming feeling. A wave of greatness overcomes me, compassion for all humankind in general and the few people I know in particular. Fear is constantly transformed into fire that fills the heart, melting the strong tension in chest, back and neck.

A feeling of perfection washes over me. I recognise that the ‘I’ is as perfect as can be and thus has fulfilled its every ambition and longing, every dream and aspiration, every hope and goal, every task and responsibility. It can go off stage now. Now in the face of death the ‘I’ is as perfect as can ever be. Immense joy and glory rush through me as it mutates into a shadowy vague substance, lingering about to record the next events to happen. A curious sensation in the top of the spine of someone snipping through wires, as if severing some information connections.

As I lie and wonder what has happened besides the fairy-tale of glorious emotions I notice that my intent is now replaced by confidence and the faculty of doubt has seized to produce any kind of wobble. Intense fear is still present but accompanied by an all-encompassing confidence that everything is happening perfectly. Nothing can go wrong. But surprise there is for sure!

The next time that I am lying on the couch, pursuing my death I notice that I am still busy with farewell. We had spent an afternoon with Richard and Grace and reported events. Now I am acknowledging the relationship I had had with him, the joy, the ease, my appreciation for his patient support, his priceless discovery of freedom, the actual world behind the spiritual delusion. My freedom will be a present to him as much as to everyone else. I notice that by saying ‘goodbye’ to him I am also leaving the last signpost. No outer orientation, just my own intent can guide me now.

As more relationships to people have their last pass-by I realise to what extent the self is made of my relationship with people. Becoming aware and letting my emotional bond in those relationships dissolve there seems to be less and less substance to this strange cloud floating around somewhere in my chest.

Later on that night I went into an exploration of what this enlightenment feels like from the inside. In all my years of spiritual search, I had been vitally interested as to exactly what enlightenment is. I had investigated descriptions from the different ‘holy’ men and spiritual Scriptures, but could never quite grasp this mysterious ‘state of being’. Now it was obvious. The intense pulsing of the heart, the love and compassion for each and everyone mixed with the grandeur of ‘Divine Love’ or ‘Universal Love’. It is a very seductive state with this cosy warm sensation filling the whole chest or heart area, continuously glowing and an utter at-ease-ness, because every aspect of personal concern, ego or self is non-existent. And there is no doubt, whatsoever. No doubt about any theory or philosophy running in my head as I try and make sense of this new state. In this cock-sure security I could write Scriptures, poems, treatises on each and every spiritual subject, make up an illusory world of heavens, hells and Divine Laws and ways to get there. As long as I keep the ‘Love’ flowing, there is no fear involved either. I am convinced I found the Truth – if only there wasn’t somewhere in the back this nagging concern that maybe I am cheating myself!

I recognize a satisfaction and pride of finally standing equal as a woman besides all those superior men I have aspired to emulate, copy, obey, surrender to, or at least understand. Now I know exactly where they are at. I was like Mrs. Antoinette Varner (Gangaji) swanning into a hall of disciples, all-knowing, generous, compassionate, and full of the wisdom of all the ages.

Big deal! Seeing the Power and Glory in action and its impact on me I turn away. This is not the perfection I am searching for, this is not the purity that I know from peak-experiences. As I watch the sky dawn in its wonderful changing colours with life awakening all around, leaves rustling in the wind, cicadas chirping, magpies whistling, fear returns and I welcome it as a sign that I am on the road to freedom again. The delusion of Power and Glory is seen for what it is – and disappears while I lie on the couch contemplating life and death and the universe.

Still, one great realisation after the other are floating in and out of my head, engulfing me with their convincing web. Suddenly I become aware of what is happening. I am a ‘Truth-Producing-Machine’! I am producing the ‘Truth of Freedom’ to maintain my ‘Self’.

What a bummer! Just call it the ‘Truth of Freedom’ and turn it into a spiritual belief-system! Very, very cunning indeed. Back into ‘old time religion’! This realisation truly ripped the carpet from under my feet. While it crumbled I recognised the enormity of its implications. My certainty vanished while I desperately tried to maintain and understanding about freedom and death. What to do now? Where to go from here? The ground I was standing on as an identity shook considerably but didn’t disappear entirely. I was still trying to make sense of me and life.

And then I reach the door marked ‘insanity’ that Richard had been talking about. Fear reaches another crescendo and turned into stark terror. Frantically I try to at least keep up the reporting, the cognitive exploring entity. But I realise that if I want to go through that door, the ‘pioneer’, the ‘scientist’ and the ‘reporter’ will have to stay behind.

As I wake up after a few hours of sleep I am desolate. Frustrated and desperate that the ‘self’ is still in operation and control, that I am not able to reach my goal, I have to admit that I have failed. I had done everything I could think of, feel about and imagine – nothing has ultimately worked. All my efforts, all my so highly valued explorations and findings have not been able to set me free. No hope, no will, no passionate intent. I am lost, empty-handed in no-where-land.

I said to Peter: ‘Forget about everything that I was so cock-sure about the last days. I have no idea of anything.’

Peter: ‘So, you got out of your enlightenment-stuff then? Congratulations! Isn’t it amazing what goes on just in the head and the heart?!’

I see that all of my ‘death-experiences’ up to now have been induced by willing death. It worked, to go into the world to enlightenment, to demolish the personal self. But it failed to rid myself of the psychic entity; the psychic survival-instincts are still fully operating inside, inventing one scheme after the other to keep up the illusion that I was indeed getting closer to the desired goal. Willing death was necessary but not enough, because the ‘who was willing it’ stayed untouched.

The impact and the very paradox of this revelation was devastating. I cannot do anything but something still needs to be done. Squirming about in despair, I could only face the facts. And the fact was death, death of all of me, death of ego and soul and the sense of being. Nothing less than the inconceivable, it stood there. The only thing to do was to stop denying the fact of ‘my’ inevitable death.’ Vineeto, Exploring Death and Altered States of Consciousness

RESPONDENT to No 14: Awakening is devastating.

VINEETO: Do you mean to say that it is an ongoing devastation for the ‘self’, for who we think and feel we are?

RESPONDENT: It is always shocking to see what assholes we really are.

VINEETO: I don’t agree with you here. Once I got rid of my ideas, beliefs, emotions – in short all of my identity – there is no-one there to be an asshole or call anyone an asshole. This is not pretended humility. When there is no asshole in me, I also see no asshole outside of me.

As long as I swanned around like one of the Enlightened Ones I felt superior, and everyone else needed my compassion or wisdom. It took me a week to fully get out of that seductive delusion. It is part and parcel of becoming enlightened; it comes with that ‘energy’ filling one’s heart, one is being swamped with ‘wisdom’, the greatest imagination the Self can produce. One is hooked into the collective ‘wisdom’ of humanity and thus perpetuates the suffering and morals that have been our heritage from the very beginning. ‘Good’ is only the backside of ‘bad’.

The name of the game is to throw the whole coin of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ out the window. The name of the game is freedom from good and evil, right and wrong.

Once I got rid of ‘who I am’ and simply live ‘what I am’, this flesh and blood body, there is only silly and sensible, a practical, down-to-earth, delightful enjoyment of the perfection of this benevolent universe. This is when peace on earth is possible.

I enjoyed comparing notes with you. Let me know what you make of it.

2.1.1999

RESPONDENT: I see 3 levels of consciousness. Briefly...

1. EGO consciousness is unawareness of unawareness. Those so asleep that they have no idea that they are asleep and totally lost. It takes a major life crisis to stir them to the next level that I call Search.
2. SEARCH is the second level of consciousness where there is some awareness of unawareness and lostness, but with a desperation to be found. These first two stages are where the vast majority are. And it seems we vacillate between them. I have observed that we evolve to Freedom through a willingness to die, to be totally devastated by the truth. In
3. FREEDOM, one is aware of awareness. And one is aware that one is lost. One understands that life is a mystery, therefore one cannot be anything but lost. And it is not a problem!

VINEETO:

1. I don’t know where you got your definition of ‘EGO’ from, because it is neither from the dictionary nor from Mr Rajneesh’s teachings. I’ll give you the Macquarie definition here: the ‘I’ or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, willing and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.
   Ego is much more than just unawareness of unawareness! It is the little man in the head that controls our thoughts and actions. It is who we think we are.
2. Your second level of search is not a level at all. Many people become only more proud and therefore feel superior as the ‘chosen few’ because they now have a ‘higher’ and ‘better’ ideal to follow than ‘normal’ people.
3. Your third level, what you call ‘freedom’, sounds as if one simply gives up searching and resigns into confusion and being lost. Not a very attractive alternative at all!

What is usually completely overlooked is that there is not only an ‘ego’ controlling our thoughts, but also a ‘soul’ producing our emotions and that both are running on the fuel of our innate animal survival instincts. Both, ego and soul, have to be eliminated in order to experience an actual freedom from the Human Condition. Only without the intricate system of instincts, emotions and beliefs can the magnificent perfection of actuality be experienced, which is then it self-evident and obvious. Actual Freedom is neither a devastating truth nor a mystery to be lost in – but the continuous experience of this abundant life in this pure and infinite universe, experienced through the physical senses.

RESPONDENT: No amount of talking or typing will ever awaken anybody unless there is trust and surrender, such as what can exist in a master/disciple relationship. I say these words to add clarity where there might otherwise be frustration from not being heard.

VINEETO: Trust and surrender only lead to the confused lost-ness, that you describe your freedom to be, and to eternal dependency from the person one has chosen to be one’s master. You surrender your will to a higher authority. Not much of a freedom I would say!

Freedom is to be free of authority, free of one’s ‘self’, free of any psychic, mental and emotional construct, free of churning emotions and the sorrow of compassion. Freedom is to be free to be the universe experiencing itself as a sensate and reflective human being.

RESPONDENT: She is just being No 14.

VINEETO: And No 12 is just being No 12. Vineeto is just being Vineeto.

Three people out of 5.8 billion on this planet – fellow human beings.

If one can’t regard and treat someone as one’s fellow human being then there is something in oneself to be looked at.

Peace on earth is that simple.

7.1.1999

VINEETO: I don’t know where you got your definition of ‘EGO’ from, because it is neither from the dictionary nor from Mr. Rajneesh’s teachings. I’ll give you the Macquarie definition here: the ‘I’ of self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, willing and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.

Ego is much more than just unawareness of unawareness! It is the little man in the head that controls our thoughts and actions. It is who we think we are.

RESPONDENT: I agree with your definition, however, I was not defining ego, but using the word ego to label a level of consciousness. According to my insights into this matter, the vast majority are unaware that their ego is operating according to the definition. They are unaware of their unawareness.

VINEETO: The question for me here would be, ‘who’ is the one that needs to state other’s unawareness of their unawareness to define one’s own ‘awareness’ of ‘unawareness’? Isn’t it the same ‘ego’, now merely feeling a bit superior to those ‘more unaware’? I found this spiritual superiority just another trap of the cunning entity inside of me to keep me firmly locked in the ‘self’.

*

VINEETO: Your second level of search is not a level at all. Many people become only more proud and feel superior as the ‘chosen few’ because they now have a ‘higher’ ideal to follow, and search for, than ‘normal’ people.

RESPONDENT: Perhaps you are projecting your reality here. I see very clearly that many awaken to this second stage. If more went on to the last stage, this world might be vastly different.

VINEETO: Are you saying you don’t feel superior to most people? From all I read on this list I cannot detect an equity with your fellow human beings. ‘If more went on to the last stage’ – which I assume you claim to have done – there would be even more people out there trying to gather disciples or clients and compete with each other as to who has the best ‘truth’ and the ‘purest’ message. I am reminded of your conversation with your ‘pirate soul-brothers’ here on this list a few months ago!

*

VINEETO: Your third level, what you call ‘freedom’, sounds as if one simply gives up searching and resigns into confusion and being lost. Not a very attractive alternative at all!

RESPONDENT: Well, I can see you haven’t been there. Ever heard it said that the more one knows, the less one knows? The enlightened state is exactly not knowing anything, but a blissful sense of wonder. It is lost-ness with love. And before you start thinking in terms of sex or relationship, I am speaking of love from one’s heart. The love that transcends all division.

VINEETO: The enlightened stage as I remember my experience being in an Altered State of Consciousness – and as I have read about in many descriptions – is not only a blissful sense of wonder but a feeling of being one with everything and therefore knowing all and everything, having the answer for everyone and the urge to emanate ‘truth’ to all and sundry. Yes, it is being lost in feeling, so utterly and completely lost, that there is no common sense left. One is feeling superior to all, because these other poor mere mortals have not ‘got it’ yet. And one is so swamped by one’s feeling of love and ‘truth’ that it seems the only ‘truth’ there is, irregardless that there were already hundreds of enlightened ones with different messages creating various religions all over the planet.

*

VINEETO: What is usually completely overlooked is that there is not only an ‘ego’ controlling our thoughts, but also a ‘soul’ producing our emotions and that both are running on the fuel of our innate animal survival instincts. Both, ego and soul, have to be eliminated in order to experience an actual freedom from the Human Condition. Only without the intricate system of instincts, emotions and beliefs can the magnificent perfection of actuality be experienced, which is then it self-evident and obvious. Actual Freedom is neither a devastating truth nor a mystery to be lost in – but the continuous experience of this abundant life in this pure and infinite universe, experienced through the physical senses.

RESPONDENT: Nice try, but when you use words like eliminated, instead of awareness, you are revealing your repressing control trip. I have been speaking of awareness, in referring to 3 levels of consciousness, I refer to 3 levels of awareness.

VINEETO: I think you don’t know what ‘eliminated’ means, maybe you have never experienced the elimination of an emotion or an instinct. It means, this particular emotion and issue have disappeared, they doesn’t exist anymore. Take for instance jealousy. I have neither repressed it nor transcended it, it now simply does not occur, whatever the situation, because the one who would be insulted by jealousy or feel insecure by anyone’s behaviour has been eliminated. I have dug deep inside and found the ground my jealousy was feeding from and I have removed the very cause for jealousy to occur, the sense of ‘me’ that wants attention, security, identity and the notion of belonging. If jealousy was just repressed there would still be situations when, once in a while, the lid would invariably ‘fly off’ and reveal the underlying emotion of possessiveness, because one cannot repress for 24 h a day, 365 days a year.

The spiritual practice of ‘awareness’ only shifts one’s identity to the ‘watcher’, a newly created spiritual identity. When those ‘transcended’ emotions and instincts return because the watcher wasn’t watchful enough, they are raging in full force. Instincts are not being eliminated by transcendence, not even reduced, they are only put aside through dis-identification.

Elimination gets rid of the cause, it severs the root of the particular belief, feeling or emotion. To eliminate an emotion, such as jealousy, I had to find the underlying cause, examine all the supporting beliefs and emotions, like love, possessiveness, fear, greed, insecurity etc. and understand them in their entirety. I have to see the instincts, the core of the ‘self’ in its operation. Only then is it possible to eliminate that particular emotion – a bit of the ‘self’ actually dies, never to return.

Richard says it very aptly:

Richard: In fact, with the elimination of the instincts, ‘I’ will cease to exist, period. Psychological self-immolation is the only sensible sacrifice that ‘I’ can make in order to reveal whatever is actual. And what is actual is perfection. Life is bursting with meaning when ‘I’ am no longer present to mess things up. ‘I’ stand in the way of the purity of the perfection of the actual being apparent. ‘My’ presence prohibits this ever-present perfection being evident. ‘I’ prevent the very purity of life, that ‘I’ am searching for, from coming into plain view. Richard’s Journal, Appendix No 4

RESPONDENT: No amount of talking or typing will ever awaken anybody unless there is trust and surrender, such as what can exist in a master/disciple relationship. I say these words to add clarity where there might otherwise be frustration from not being heard.

VINEETO: Trust and surrender only lead to the confused lost-ness, that you describe your freedom to be, and to eternal dependency from the person one has chosen to be one’s master. You surrender your will to a higher authority. Not much of a freedom I would say!

Freedom is to be free of authority, free of one’s ‘self’, free of any psychic, mental and emotional construct, free of churning emotions and the sorrow of compassion. Freedom is to be free to be the universe experiencing itself as a sensate and reflective human being.

RESPONDENT: I feel you are projecting again here. I never mentioned eternal dependency. The trust and surrender I mention is dropping of ego, greatly facilitated by a master. Trust and surrender is to existence or god or a master. Anything can become dependency if you love being a victim.

VINEETO: You might have never mentioned eternal dependency because you might not be aware of it. It is dependency to ‘trust’ someone else rather than rely on one’s own innate intelligence, and it is dependency to ‘surrender’ one’s will to some higher being or mythical force rather than activate one’s own sincere intent to be the best one can be. For millennia this ‘trust and surrender’ has stopped people thinking for themselves, relying on God or Existence or Masters and prophets for help.

Once I have experienced the actual perfection of this physical universe for myself in a peak experience – where the ‘self’ is temporarily in abeyance – I can focus my efforts to reach this state 24 h a day. And using the simple method of eliminating the instincts that the ‘self’ consists of, I am free to pursue this actual freedom without ‘trust and surrender’, without master or divine grace. To ‘trust’ another or ‘surrender’ to someone or something else is by definition ‘not freedom’.

*

RESPONDENT: She is just being No 14.

VINEETO: And No 12 is just being No 12. Vineeto is just being Vineeto. Three people out of 5.8 billion on this planet; fellow human beings. If one can’t regard and treat someone as a fellow human being then there is something in oneself to be looked at. Peace on earth is that simple.

RESPONDENT: I agree and sometimes, from compassion, it can be pointed out that one is asleep, unconscious, being their mother, whatever.

Richard: We are all fellow human beings who find ourselves here in the world as it was when we were born. We find war, murder, torture, rape, domestic violence and corruption to be endemic ... we notice that it is intrinsic to the Human Condition ... we set out to discover why this is so. We find sadness, loneliness, sorrow, grief, depression and suicide to be a global incidence ... and we gather that it is also inherent to the Human Condition ... and we want to know why. We all report to each other as to the nature of our discoveries for we are all well-meaning and seek to find a way out of this mess that we have landed in. Whether one believes in re-incarnation or not, we are all living this particular life for the very first time, and we wish to make sense of it. It is a challenge and the adventure of a life-time to enquire and to uncover, to seek and to find, to explore and to discover. All this being alive business is actually happening and we are totally involved in living it out ... whether we take the back seat or not, we are all still doing it. Richard’s Journal, Foreword

What do you think?

10.1.1999

VINEETO: Thank you for your two replies.

RESPONDENT: I found this post of Vineeto’s very clear and interesting. FOR A CHANGE!

VINEETO: I thought you had given up on me when you said:

RESPONDENT: I don’t wish to comment on each of your comments. I don’t feel you hear me. What I get back from you are the same tired projections ... your words about gurus, superiority etc. And ironically, you don’t seem to understand that people are at different levels of consciousness.

VINEETO: Of course, I do. People are at different stages in their lives and have become more or less aware of some of their behaviour.

I simply point out that with the creation of 3 levels of consciousness you put yourself on the top level and then feel wonderfully superior about it. Your 3 levels of consciousness seem to be

1. those who are unconscious and don’t know about ‘God’,
2. those who are looking for ‘God’ and have yet to find him and
3. those who are Realised and found ‘God’.

Unless you have eliminated all (conscious and unconscious) emotions, beliefs and instincts from your body, there will always be a ‘self’, a ‘being’ remaining that claims the achievement. Did you ever wonder ‘who’ is that entity that claims to be ‘conscious’, that claims the achievement of awareness, love, compassion?

That is exactly the new and radical about what I say: every ‘who’ is preventing you to experience the actuality of each moment, every ‘who’, however ‘advanced’ he claims to be, is still an entity, polluting the experience of the purity and perfection of the actual world. There is something more to discover and it is physical and sensate as opposed to meta-physical, cerebral and affective.

RESPONDENT: But, given that you are stuck in some belief trip, this is understandable, because humans can’t see up very much.

VINEETO: I am talking about experiencing the world as evidenced by the physical senses. It is, compared to the different spirit-ual convictions, not a belief but an actual, repeatable event – the very word ‘spiritual’ points to ‘spirit’, non-actual, non-material, as opposed to the flesh-and-blood body. In order to hear the sound of cicadas in the background or feel the fan blowing on my shoulders I don’t need any kind of belief. It is an actual, direct and delightful experience of the senses.

RESPONDENT: can’t recognize Osho, he is too high for them to realize who he is.

VINEETO: Obviously I did not just project, when I said that you are feeling superior. You have divided the world in high and low, up and down, level 1, 2, 3, idiots and clever people. But your superiority is nothing but a psychic and psychological interpretation, supported by the emotions of the Human Condition. Since everybody is inflicted with the Human Condition, it is easy to understand. Due to our instincts and conditioning we create duality for psychic orientation, almost everyone does it – but it is not obligatory. One can delete this ‘natural’ imprint, one can become actually free of one’s instincts and beliefs.

RESPONDENT: Probably this is how you misunderstand what masters are up to. You just don’t get it and to cover your hurt ego you pretend you know something. And to convince yourselves, you must desperately try to convert others. Once one has awakened, on any level, it is crystal clear to see down.

VINEETO: Do you say you have been awakened and now you can see down on me?

RESPONDENT: On a subconscious level, you probably continue to write to this list ... so someone will get thru to you sleepy heads.

VINEETO: It seems a cheap cop-out to call what you don’t like ‘sleepy’ and ‘subconscious’. It is called name-calling and not valid as an argument to convince. Can’t you come up with something more substantial?

RESPONDENT: Meditation is to be – of one mind.

VINEETO: Who’s mind are you talking about, obviously not yours and Vineeto’s. We have not come to agree on one point yet. But, it is early days, we might get there. Just, as long as you talk from your imaginary top of the staircase to me on the imaginary bottom of the staircase, it will be a bit difficult to meet. I suggest, we dismiss the imagination and with it the staircase and talk to each other as fellow human beings, investigating the issue and the subject rather than declaring positions on the staircase.

How about it?

10.1.1999

RESPONDENT: I found this post of Vineeto’s very clear and interesting. FOR A CHANGE! And I see how Vineeto missed Osho.

VINEETO: I am pleased that I said something that is clear and interesting to you. I am really giving my best each time, you know, to describe the new discovery that people can understand. I am still curious why you never responded to the description of my ‘enlightenment story’ and how I saw through the delusion it is, that I have sent to you last month (see first letter). I would be interested in your response so we can compare notes to your experiences.

So, you believe that I missed Osho. As I see it, I finally saw him with both my eyes and heard him with both my ears wide open. Despite all the in-built contradictions Osho was clear on one point: The only difference between me and you is that I have realised that I am God (the Divine, One with the Universe), and you have not. Well, I have described at length in the above mentioned letter as to why I decided that I’d rather live in the actual world of people, things and events than get lost in the imagination of the psychic world with its passionate imaginations of Compassion and Truth. In that sense I have serendipitously ‘missed Osho’ and now have turned 180 degrees in the opposite direction to everything spiritual and non-actual. Life has not only gained immense meaning, but I am finally able to be happy and harmless, live at ease in the world and at peace, on my own and with other human beings.

RESPONDENT: In numerous talks with other sannyasins over the years, particularly about how they either loved or hated the ranch, I discovered that I am fascinated to see how differently we each missed what Osho was about, how we misunderstood his words, denied his devices, were resistant to feelings, letting go, etc.

VINEETO: You use the word ‘we’ and yet you claim you haven’t missed Osho. Are you saying that everybody who does not agree with your interpretation of the ‘message’ missed Osho? What a haughty claim! It certainly saves one from having to look closer at one’s own ‘self’. But it is hard to question whom one has put on the pedestal of being an authority and then question one’s reliance and dependency on such authority. Most people prefer to defend their belief. Fair enough. It has been the best on offer up till now. But now there is available an actual (not imaginary) freedom from the Human Condition and an effective method to achieving it.

RESPONDENT: Vineeto, you remained in the duality of good/bad emotions. And right/wrong beliefs. All, throughout 17 years of sannyas!!!

VINEETO: Are you saying, you didn’t? You write on your website:

[Respondent]: I guide and counsel those who get stuck, go astray, feel lost, or are having difficulty along the way. I know how easy it is to stumble and fall on this path, and get distracted, feel confused, disoriented, or lost. The way is indeed often dark. Often, I feel my work is simply that of someone with a flashlight shining a light to show the way out of a dead end. [endquote].

Don’t you guide people out of their ‘bad’ emotions and out of their ‘wrong’ beliefs? If you don’t, then why would they come to you in the first place? Or do you prefer to call it ‘the wrong level of consciousness’? Don’t you guide them from bad feelings into good feelings, from the ‘normal’ world into the ‘spiritual’ world, from the secular into the Divine?

‘Going beyond duality’ in Eastern philosophy and in Osho’s teaching translates into ‘transcending the secular dualities of good and bad, loneliness and belonging to a group, greed and generosity, love and hate, etc’. One transcends this duality by the feeling of Bliss, Compassion and Divine Love, but duality is only transcended by creating another identity, the ‘watcher’.

I am talking about the third alternative – removing the root cause of the problem, ‘me’, the ‘self’, the instinctual programming, not just transcending it into ‘feeling’ one with the divine. Actual Freedom means eliminating not only the secular duality of good and bad, but also the spiritual duality of ‘the watcher’ and the ‘illusory world’, of soul and body. In the actual world there is no duality because there is no imaginary alien entity of ‘me’, the soul, the core of one’s being. In Actual Freedom this instinctual sourced being has been extinct.

RESPONDENT: So finally, with Peter’s or Richard’s saying it in a way you could understand, you woke up to witness your conditioned mind ... the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ parts.

VINEETO: No, not witness – eliminate, remove, extinguish. There is a big difference. Witnessing creates a new entity, the ‘watcher’. One is to identify with and become the ‘watcher’ and dismiss or transcend the rest as imaginary. Body-mind, emotion, thought and senses, as well as the physical world, are considered an illusion, while Consciousness is proclaimed to be one’s true nature.

Elimination happens through understanding the root cause of each particular problem, the human instincts of fear, aggression, nurture and desire. By seeing when I was acting out of my instincts, ‘human nature’, I could also see that I have a choice. But in order to have that choice I have to questions all emotions, good and bad, and all beliefs (‘real’ and Divine), in fact, the very act of believing itself.

RESPONDENT: Wonderful, but now I see that you are again unconsciously believing. Believing there is no god, no love, no soul, no other lives, etc, etc, etc.

VINEETO: Not so. I don’t believe, either consciously or unconsciously. I only take my information about life from what I can see, hear, smell, touch and taste, the very physical substance. Everything that goes on in the head and the heart is belief and imagination – it is the very stuff the ‘self’ is made of. Once you stop believing in the soul you experientially understand that it does not exist outside of your belief. To believe that there is life after death needs the act of believing. It is not a proven fact. And it doesn’t make it more of a fact that millions of people have the same belief. Once you stop feeding that belief you will suddenly see the fact that this body dies when it dies and that there is nothing else left, no soul to live on for eternity. Once god, love, soul, other lives etc. are not supported, i.e. passionately believed in, by our psychic entity, they disappear. They have as much substance as a ghost – none whatsoever.

RESPONDENT: Seeing that most of the world is unconscious of their repressions which keep them stuck in their beliefs, you have formed a new belief that all of what the masses believe is wrong. I am not saying they are right. I am saying that if you re-awaken, see your current beliefs, AND NOT REPLACE THEM as Osho has said, you may find your heart and life as a mystery to be lived, not as a believing robot.

VINEETO: Once I experienced the actual world I could see there is no need to pollute it with any kind of ‘human produce’ – call it heart, love, mystery, divine consciousness. From the clear experience of a Pure Consciousness Experience I could see that all my feelings and beliefs are part of the Human Condition, a product of the basic survival instincts of fear, aggression, nurture and desire. I understand that you would want to label my experience of the actual world according to your belief-structure and put it into the drawer of ‘another belief’ because all we have known up to now is consists of beliefs. In fact, belief, trust, hope and faith are held as the highest human values.

The moment you sincerely inquire into the activity of believing, you will find yourself nibbling away at the very substance of the ‘Self’. Very, very scary, but utterly thrilling and immensely rewarding.

Did you ever consider how do you determine if what you believe is actually the case? Well, if it is actually the case, it must therefore exists without the support of your belief – so believing is an unnecessary activity. My honest investigation into my acts of believing and one year of diligently applying the method of ‘How am I experiencing this moment of being alive’ has led me to experiencing the world in its magnificent, sensuous and delightful actuality – unclouded and unfiltered by any emotions, feelings, beliefs or instincts.

Mr. Rajneesh may have said not to replace the beliefs of your primary conditioning and first-hand beliefs, but he has certainly replaced them with his version of spiritual conditioning and beliefs.

14.1.1999

VINEETO: Osho may have said not to replace the beliefs of your secular conditioning and beliefs, but he certainly replaced them with his version of spiritual conditioning and beliefs.

RESPONDENT: As I said before, I don’t get that you hear me ... so since I am not addicted to endlessly arguing, as apparently you both are ... I’ll make this short. Pray tell, what spiritual conditioning and beliefs did Osho replace in us?

VINEETO: So now we are investigating what is a belief and what is a fact, are we? Remember, belief per dictionary means ‘fervently wishing to be true’, while fact means ‘what has really happened or is the case’ . You say that nothing that Osho tried to instil in us was based on belief, do you? Do you say that everything he talked about were mere facts, evidenced by our senses? That one did not need to believe or trust what was said, one could simply see it, touch it, hear it, taste it or smell it?

I try to avoid battling with quotes, Osho said billions of words and everyone makes their own interpretation of it. But since you seem to claim that there was no spiritual conditioning or any beliefs involved, I found some of his words that point to his belief in God, divinity, soul, immortality, the mysterious ‘inner space’ and the Universe as animated by divine intelligence

[Mohan Rajneesh]: God is all around you, but you are so full of scriptures, knowledge, so full of your own ego that there is no space left inside you where God can penetrate and enter into you. Ch. M. Rajneesh: The Beloved, Vol. 1, Ch 1

[Mohan Rajneesh]: And if we go still more deeply, then the child also chooses the time of its conception. Every soul chooses its own time of conception – when it will accept a womb, at which moment. The moment of conception is not insignificant. It is significant in that it is a question of how the entire universe exists at that moment, and to what sort of possibilities the universe opens the door at that moment. Ch. M. Rajneesh: Hidden Mysteries, Ch 5

[Mohan Rajneesh]: A man of sensitivity remains wherever he is – and God seeks him. Ch. M. Rajneesh: The Discipline of Transcendence, Vol 3, Ch 9

[Mohan Rajneesh]: Your unmoving centre becomes such a dance. And one who knows his centre, also knows his eternity, his immortality. Buddhas don’t die, neither are they born. They simply appear and disappear into the same ocean just like waves. You have to go deeper and deeper every day, you have to bring more and more of the Buddha to the circumference of your life. It happens, certainly – I say it with absolute authority because it has happened to me. Ch. M. Rajneesh: Rinzai: Master of The Irrational, Ch 2

As I said to No 10:

[Vineeto]: With Actual Freedom a second de-conditioning took place, a spiritual de-conditioning. And again, I was ready for it, because after all those years of sincere effort my search did not show the results I had been aiming for. This second de-conditioning was much more radical and went far deeper than the first, it is going to eliminate all of me, ego and soul, emotions and beliefs, instincts and ‘spiritual achievements’. It leaves me as this physical body with its senses, free to delight in this pure, perfect and infinite universe as a sensate flesh-and-blood human being. Nothing more, nothing less. Vineeto, List C, No 10, 13.1.1999

Actual Freedom and the simple and effective method to achieving it is available for everybody who wishes to go for the best – presupposing that you are discontent with your life as it is now.

21.1.1999

RESPONDENT: As I said before ... you missed Osho. All of what he said was to break with ritual, tradition, conditioning, and programmed mindset.

VINEETO: Yes, as I said, he was to break the tradition of the ‘normal’ conditioning, the programming that we had when we came to India. I never denied that he tried to ‘brainwash’ our ‘minds’ from the conditioning of childhood and society. To a certain extent he even succeeded – and then he installed in us the beliefs of the spiritual world i.e. re-incarnation, eternal soul and karma, God as a Divine Universe, afterlife, ‘I am not the body’, ‘I am the watcher’. These are the spiritual beliefs which I have decided to investigate.

RESPONDENT: Now if your bent is to believe, for example, your belief that you have no ego, then you can make a belief out of anything.

VINEETO: Yes, you can make a belief out of anything, that is the nature of belief. It is produces in the head and the heart of the person who believes and has nothing to do with facts.

This time, upon meeting Richard though, I was determined not to give up my belief in Osho for yet another belief. It all sounded great, plausible and sensible what Richard said, but I did not want to just believe another authority. But what Richard said made me prick up my ears and be interested enough to inquire as to the facts of the whole spiritual situation, for myself.

So I started to investigate if what I had so long taken to be the ‘Truth’ was factual or just fantasies of Ancient Wisdom. The deeper I looked, and the longer I investigated, the more I had to admit that I had been sold a dummy. Yes, this fantasy is backed up by great feelings of bliss and love and it is supported by the belief of millions of people, but it is nevertheless a passionate fantasy, produced in everyone’s head and in everyone’s heart. It is made of the same stuff as dreams are made of. It is not factual as in corporeal, actual, tactile, material, physical and tangible. It is not even sensible.

I don’t believe that I have no ego. I examined each of my beliefs and each of the many surfacing emotions and eliminated them in the light of awareness. Further I discovered and investigated the underlying instincts that feed both one’s beliefs and emotions to the extent that they have now lost their power over me. In seeing them as the software they are I realised that they can be deleted. For the first time in history humans can free themselves from their animal heritage which has raged in each of us and bound us since millennia. This journey to freedom is more than just eliminating the ego, it is dissolving and eliminating the soul as well, the very core of my ‘being’.

RESPONDENT: But by rightly hearing Osho, one would see his whole effort is to destroy all beliefs.

VINEETO: He might have thought so himself, and yet it was a belief and not a fact that ‘he is not the body’, that ‘he only visited this planet’, that ‘his soul is immortal and dissolves into the Whole’, that ‘real life starts after death’ – that’s what’s the meaning of ‘Maha-Parinirvana’, the true and great Nirvana after death. You can find many, many words for what he taught to be the truth – still, it is just ancient Eastern beliefs. It needs trusting and believing, it needs surrender to the master’s wisdom in order to keep up this imaginary world. The moment you stop feeding the belief, for instance in an afterlife or immortality, it will gradually disappear and be revealed the mirage it is.

RESPONDENT: My insight into his messages is rather blunt. But I like it. I say all that he said boils down to two messages. One is ... everything that you believe is bullshit ...

VINEETO: Could it be that, for your convenience, you call ‘belief’ what you have thrown out, and label as ‘truth’, what you want to keep? If the very act of believing is ‘bullshit’, why do you believe in trust, in God, in surrender? As you say on your web-site:

[Respondent]: ‘All are lessons, on the way, god knows where, and nothing can be done, but trust in life’ [endquote].

– and to No 14 and to No 4 you said:

[Respondent]: ‘unless there is trust and surrender, such as what can exist in a master/disciple relationship.’ [endquote].

It simply requires no trust to be here in the actual world as this flesh and blood body.

In my ruthless and relentless investigations of what are my beliefs and what are facts, I found an amazing guideline: Everything that needs ‘my’ doing in any form, thinking, believing, feeling, intuiting, channelling etc. is not actual. Whatever is actual can be questioned and examined till the cows come home, it will stay actual and factual. You can doubt the existence of a tree, it will still be there as a growing plant with a trunk and branches and leaves. But if you question the soul, you’ll end up with nothing substantial. Applying this guideline to all my dearly held beliefs has been at times quite devastating – but now I can be certain and confident for the first time about the facts that I had uncovered under the layer of passionate beliefs. Anything that requires belief or feeling such as ‘trust’, ‘surrender’ or ‘hope’ is not actual – it is obvious and devastatingly simple.

Trust is believing or hoping that something exists (ie that Existence cares for us, that the Master knows what he is doing or talking about, that God is looking after His children). Confidence, on the other hand, is knowing the facts as evidenced by the physical senses.

RESPONDENT: ... and the second is ... I love you.

VINEETO: When I met Peter, and he proposed a living together without love but with a direct intimacy, I thought, ‘what a strange concept’. And then I agreed because I was intrigued. All my relationships based on love had failed, maybe this new ‘concept’ was a solution. It took two months until I dared to question my beliefs and emotions around love. What made it easier was that I could see that love between man and woman had not resulted in a peaceful and harmonious living between any of the couples that I knew. Removing love from the way I related to Peter made it possible for the first time to experience an actual intimacy. Intimacy is seeing the other simply as another human being, without hopes, expectations, interpretation, conditioning, affective appreciation or depreciation. Intimacy is seeing and experiencing the other as he/she actually is.

To extend my scrutiny into the nature of ‘love’ to my master-disciple relationship, investigating and questioning ‘Divine Love’, ‘Love Agapé’ and ‘Compassion’ was much more difficult. But then I slowly understood, and later experienced it in an Altered State of Consciousness myself, that the principle of relating to other people is the same in human love and in ‘Divine Love’: a ‘self’, this time the grand ‘Self’, is relating to the other person, the lower ‘self’ who needs love, compassion and help. Both ‘self’ as much as ‘Self’ use the other to confirm themselves in their particular identity. The Awakened One still has an identity in operation: ‘Me’, the glorious ‘Self’ is re-creating itself with each interaction.

Love is an affection that is addressed towards someone (human love) or All (Divine Love). It needs people ‘needing’ and ‘wanting’ love for love to be maintained. Therefore it is not actual.

A simple experiment will reveal the fact of what I am writing. In a moment of ‘love for all’ stop giving it to someone, or, when alone, stop addressing it to others in your imagination. The feeling of Love won’t be able to stay. It can only be felt when continuously directed towards someone other than oneself.

When love and divine love disappear in the light of bare awareness, actual intimacy is possible for the first time. When the loving, compassionate ‘Self’ dies – or is temporarily absent – the actual world becomes apparent. The moment when the one who you ‘think’ and ‘feel’ you are becomes extinct, you are intimate with everyone you meet and everything you experience.

See, in this moment I am intimate to you, a fellow human being, writing to you about my experiences and understanding on this particular issue. Sharing with you what I found out about beliefs, about love and divine love. I have experienced the difference between love and intimacy, and intimacy in its directness and purity far exceeds any love. Love can only be a synthetic substitute for the intimacy that we all long for. Without a ‘self’ I am intimate with everything around me and everyone I talk to. We are both fellow human beings, both fascinated to find out about this business of being a human being – after all, we are all here for the first time. When no affections are clouding the conversation, a real and fruitful discussion is possible.

29.1.1999

RESPONDENT No. 4: What makes it impossible to talk together is the total lack of flexibility exposed by you to understand the meaning implied in other’s words. It seems to me you are only able to understand your own terminology.

RESPONDENT: I totally agree. And what was play, has become boring. It is futile. I quit. No more. Finito Vineeto, and Peter. Enough is enough.

VINEETO: O.K., fair enough – this is your freedom, and you say you had enough of this kind of play. As a good-bye present I want to send you a laugh, just that we don’t end on a serious note. I hope you enjoy this joke as much as I did. I couldn’t stop giggling.

30.1.1999

VINEETO: How are you?

RESPONDENT to No 33: ..., just curious, are you and No 14 sisters? You both have a similar vibe. Now if Peter could help make you two happy and harmless, that would indeed be doing something great.

VINEETO: I find it fascinating, you are actually becoming interested in happiness and harmlessness – you are proposing to someone else becoming happy and harmless, so maybe it is not such a terribly thing to consider, after all?

If you wish that on No 33 or No 14, why not for yourself? Don’t you want to be happy and harmless as well?

The trouble is, nobody else can make you happy and harmless, you have to do it for yourself.

And what a thrilling journey it is!