ANDREW: So, I use the habitual language of the oppressed to self-castigate. One of the time “honoured” habits, one I identified when leaving the DhO, is ‘intellectualisation’. It wasn’t until Henry started exploring its effects recently, that I started to contemplate it again. Vineeto pointing out the difference between adopting an “actualism” belief, vs experience of the feeling and reality and deciding what to do.

I grew up reading Peanuts. Such habitual language, and the resultant ‘climbing into my head’ can be safely discarded.

VINEETO: Hi Andrew,

Welcome back. I am delighted to see you haven’t lost your sense of humour which I remember from your posts on the last Mailing List (Richard, List D, Andrew, 13 June 2013).

Now that you recognized that “‘intellectualisation’” and “‘climbing into my head’” can be safely discarded like Linus’ blanket, both Kuba’s and Henry’s reports will be encouraging to actualize your realisation, including the aspect to “throw away any conception of appearing foolish” which is often the hardest part at the start.

Kuba: For the one’s inclined towards intellectualisation it seems one of the best ways you can speed up this process is by honestly writing on here, and being prepared to be happily shown as wrong over and over. It seems it is doing exactly this that led to Henry’s success recently. It was useful when Vineeto suggested that I throw away any conception of appearing foolish, this advice meant that ‘I’ could as if vomit all of ‘my’ inner workings through ‘my’ writings.

Then it is only a matter of time until these mechanisms (such as the intellectualisation) begin to show their cracks. The ‘intellectual’ can give ‘himself’ no choice but to be shown to be utterly wrong, and eventually to realise that ‘he’ is redundant.

Henry: Yes, this is exactly what happened haha.

Embarrassing, but necessary because I was already ridiculous, I just hadn’t exposed myself just yet in an obvious enough way. Perhaps the embarrassment is only a way to cover for myself anyway, as if to say I thought I was better than that… I wasn’t, but I can become better.

This also reminds me of Irene’s flip away from actualism. Richard describes it as she got “stage fright…” Richard was free and having all kinds of people over to talk, and she was there too, in virtual freedom! But because she had those few shreds of identity left, she became afraid of being exposed… it led to retreating, and ultimately to rejecting actualism and Richard.

When I became more excited by the potential than afraid of being exposed, it started to be worth it to expose myself (by freely saying what I really thought about this and that). Especially with Vineeto participating in the forum, it’s an opportunity I didn’t want to pass up.

As you can see, you won’t be alone in “appearing foolish” when you are prepared to be “be happily shown as wrong” and admit to yourself that you were “already ridiculous”. As a consequence you will become “more excited by the potential than afraid of being exposed”. You are already in like-minded company with those who, because of allowing to feel embarrassed are now more happy (and harmless) than before.

ANDREW: That’s what I meant by rebellion. Of course, it’s short lived. The rush of doing something “dumb” but for a moment feeling that edge.
This seems similar to what the extreme athletes do? Chasing the ‘rush’ which can lead to PCE / EE. But it can also lead to its own identity, “I’m someone that does these cool extreme things”.

VINEETO: “Rebellion” has been your modus operandi since I started reading your posts on actualism forums. Now you can make use of this inclination for rebellion by rebelling in a way that can make a genuine and radical change – changing yourself fundamentally, radically, completely and utterly.

To begin with I recommend (if you are open to recommendation) to rid yourself of any resentment against being here and against the universe at large, which resentment tends to make one very serious, apart from being angry towards anything and anyone on top of it. Basic resentment demonstrably stands in the way of allowing oneself to be naïve, like a child again but with adult sensibilities.

Richard: The first and crucial step was to say ‘YES’ to being here on earth, for ‘I’ located and identified that basic resentment that all people that I have spoken to have. To wit: ‘I didn’t ask to be born!’ (Richard, List B, James, 17 October 1999a).

Richard: [...] in 1980, ‘I’/‘me’, the persona that was, looked out deep into the inky darkness betwixt the twinkling stars and actually saw this vastness called the universe for the very first time ... and temporarily disappeared; in 1980, this flesh and blood body experienced that this universe is magically capable of bringing this flesh and blood body into existence, is wondrously competent at keeping this flesh and blood body alive, and is amazingly able to bring this flesh and blood body to an end; in 1980, this flesh and blood body experienced that this universe was packed full of meaning and that the ‘I’/‘me’ had been searching everywhere for meaning in vain ... it had already always been just here, right now, all along.

There is an unimaginable purity that is born out of the stillness of the infinitude as manifest at this moment in time and this place in space ... but one will not come upon it by thinking about or feeling out its character. It is most definitely not a matter to be pursued in the rarefied atmosphere of the most refined mind or the evocative milieu of the most impassioned heart. To proceed thus is to become involved in a fruitless endeavour to make life fit into one’s own petty demands and desires.

In 1980, ‘I’/‘me’, the persona that was, saw that this universe is so enormous in its scope, so grand in its arrangement, so exquisite in its structure, that it was sheer vanity and utter insolence to presume that ‘his’ paltry demands and desires had any significance whatsoever.

They were consigned to the dust-bin of history. (Richard, List B, No. 21g, 26 October 2001).

After all, changing oneself can be immense fun, and your sense of humour – including humour when looking at yourself – can aid you immensely in recognizing that being alive is not a serious affair … and is certainly anything but “boring”.

Cheers Vineeto