Actual Freedom ~ Frequently Asked Questions

RICHARD: In short ... it is an experiential answer. To explain: the whole point of asking oneself, each moment again until it becomes a non-verbal attitude or a wordless approach to life, how one is experiencing this moment of being alive (the only moment one is ever alive) is to experientially ascertain just exactly what is the way or manner in which one is personally participating in the events which are occurring at this particular moment that one is alive ... after all, irregardless of whether one takes the back seat or not, we are all busy doing this business called being alive by the very fact of being a sentient creature known as a human being (with all that inheres in being and doing that). Thus the answer to your query – what the answer is to asking how one is experiencing this moment of being alive – is dependent upon, on each occasion again, just exactly what the way or manner it is that one is personally participating in the occurrences which are currently happening.

RESPONDENT: Thanks for your lucid answer ... if I find that I am not feeling good or so, I can’t always find out why it is so, and soon the picture of my feeling bad tends to get very complex ... should I: a) suppress all this complex thinking and focus on the moment and try to feel good this moment; b) find out exactly what is preventing me from feeling bad however complex it is.

RICHARD: This is how I have explained it in an earlier article:

• [Richard]: ‘... if ‘I’ am not feeling good then ‘I’ have something to look at to find out why. What has happened, between the last time ‘I’ felt good and now? When did ‘I’ feel good last? Five minutes ago? Five hours ago? What happened to end those felicitous feelings? Ahh ... yes: ‘He said that and I ...’. Or: ‘She didn’t do this and I ...’. Or: ‘What I wanted was ...’. Or: ‘I didn’t do ...’. And so on and so on ... one does not have to trace back into one’s childhood ... usually no more than yesterday afternoon at the most (‘feeling good’ is an unambiguous term – it is a general sense of well-being – and if anyone wants to argue about what feeling good means ... then do not even bother trying to do this at all). Once the specific moment of ceasing to feel good is pin-pointed, and the silliness of having such an incident as that (no matter what it is) take away one’s enjoyment and appreciation of this only moment of being alive is seen for what it is – usually some habitual reactive response – one is once more feeling good ... but with a pin-pointed cue to watch out for next time so as to not have that trigger off yet another bout of the same-old same-old. This is called nipping it in the bud before it gets out of hand ... with application and diligence and patience and perseverance one soon gets the knack of this and more and more time is spent enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive. And, of course, once one does get the knack of this, one up-levels ‘feeling good’, as a bottom line each moment again, to ‘feeling happy and harmless’ ... and after that to ‘feeling perfect’ ...’.

Where you say you cannot always find out why it is so that you are not feeling good, and soon the picture of your feeling bad tends to get very complex, is the crux of the issue ... your subsequent queries (a) and (b) arise out of not tracing back to the last time you felt good (and thus pin-pointing what happened to end those felicitous feelings).

Put succinctly: the aim is to feel good right now – at this very moment – and, as you felt good previously, it is but a matter of finding out how come that general sense of well-being ceased happening.

RESPONDENT: Also, sometimes the ‘feeling bad’ comes in spikes ... I feel bad due to something and it is gone before I notice it ... should I poke it or leave it ...?

RICHARD: This is what that earlier article goes on to say:

• [Richard]: ‘ ... the more one enjoys and appreciates being just here right now – to the point of excellence being the norm – the greater the likelihood of a PCE happening ... a grim and/or glum person has no chance whatsoever of allowing the magical event, which indubitably shows where everyone has being going awry, to occur. Plus *any analysing and/or psychologising and/or philosophising whilst one is in the grip of debilitating feelings usually does not achieve much (other than spiralling around and around in varying degrees of despair and despondency or whatever) anyway*.
The wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom from the human condition is marked by enjoyment and appreciation – the sheer delight of being as happy and harmless as is humanly possible whilst remaining a ‘self’ – and the slightest diminishment of such felicity and innocuity is a warning signal (a flashing red light as it were) that one has inadvertently wandered off the way.
One is thus soon back on track ... and all because of everyday events. [emphasis added].

Thus as you are feeling good right now, at this very moment, and feeling bad ‘due to something’ has come and gone in a spike, then right now is the opportune moment to look at what that ‘something’ was – so as to pre-empt more of the same happening again – as feeling good is where clarity can flourish.

RESPONDENT: I ask myself ‘the question’ over and over again while playing a fancy trick with myself ... if I’m feeling a bad feeling of some kind (which is a lot of the time), I don’t try and change it or avoid it or nothing, I let it come in and do its thing and try and enjoy it somehow. ... Am I on the right track here, or should I be approaching emotional issues differently? I don’t want to walk down the wrong path here.

RICHARD: Okay ... then there is no need to keep on feeling the same feelings over and over again: if you are old enough to read and comprehend these words then you are old enough to have felt all those feelings umpteen times already ... enough is enough.

The aim, therefore, is to minimise both the ‘good’ feelings – the affectionate and desirable emotions and passions (those that are loving and trusting) – and the ‘bad’ feelings – the hostile and invidious emotions and passions (those that are hateful and fearful) – by nipping them in the bud as soon as, if not before, they start to occur via the further above explanatory article.

This enables one to (initially) feel good, to (then) feel happy and harmless, to (eventually) feel perfect for 99% of the time (a virtual freedom) ... and by thus deactivating both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ feelings, and therefore activating the felicitous/ innocuous feelings (happiness, delight, joie de vivre/ bonhomie, friendliness, amiability and so on), then with this freed-up affective energy maximised, in conjunction with sensuousness (delectation, enjoyment, appreciation, relish, zest, gusto and so on), the ensuing sense of amazement, marvel and wonder can result in apperceptiveness (unmediated perception).

In short: it is the on-going felicitous/ innocuous sensuousness which ensures a win-win situation.

RESPONDENT: I want to live in actuality and not head down anywhere else like enlightenment or depression. For a few years I was trying to become spiritually enlightened and ended up severely depressed. I don’t want to go near that road again.

RICHARD: Well then ... you would know quite well, by your own experience, that once a feeling (or a mood) gets a grip it is incredibly difficult to claw one’s way out: hence it is far better to nip it in the bud before it gets to that stage.

Incidentally, ‘nipping it in the bud’ is not to be confused with either suppression/repression or ignoring/ avoiding ... it is to be consciously and deliberatively – with knowledge aforethought – declining oh-so-sensibly to futilely go down that well-trodden path to nowhere fruitful yet again.

RESPONDENT: When Richard advises people to ‘minimise’ the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings and activate the felicitous feelings what does he really mean by ‘minimise’?

RICHARD: He means lessen their grip and reduce both the prevalence and duration of them, through nipping them in the bud (via sincere application of the actualism method), before they can get up and running ... thus maximising the amount of time the felicitous (and innocuous) feelings can remain operating.

RESPONDENT: Feelings can be ‘minimised’ by brute force, e.g. repression, denial, avoidance and distraction but what is the sensible way to do it?

RICHARD: By getting into the habit – humans are very adept at habituation – of feeling felicitous/ innocuous come-what-may ... nothing, but nothing, is worth losing felicity/ innocuity in order to get malicious and/or sorrowful about.

It is all very, very simple.

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RESPONDENT: Who can vouch for this method with 100% sincerity?

RICHARD: This particular flesh and blood body typing these words can, of course, as this very discussion would not be taking place had the method not been 100% effective (which is not to forget to mention that the mailing list and the web site owe their very existence to its efficacy).

Meanwhile, back at the topic you chose, the method (which has not only already enabled one human being to be actually free from the human condition but has also enabled others to be virtually free of same) is just sitting there ... quite ready to be utilised by anyone who is prepared to give the minimisation effect of it a goodly chance to work its magical-like way of maximising felicity and innocuity.

And here is a clue to make things go tickety-tick: naiveté, being guaranteed to reawaken a child-like sensuosity, means one walks about in a state of wide-eyed wonder, simply marvelling at being just here right now.

And all the while leaving intellectualisation to the avidly-grazing intellectuals.

RESPONDENT: When an emotion has been fully investigated and there is nothing new to be learned from it, what can be done about it? I don’t think I really understand the difference between nipping it in the bud and repressing it. Many emotions recur automatically unless I take action to either dismiss them or redirect my attention elsewhere. I am not comfortable with this because it seems akin to repression, but I don’t know any other way to dispense with the feelings. Any tips would be appreciated.

VINEETO: In my experience with the actualism method, I didn’t nip many emotions in the bud until I was certain that the whole issue that brought on the emotion had been examined and clearly understood.

By neither repressing nor expressing an emotion I have opportunity to ask some investigative questions, either in the situation, if I am not too upset, or some time afterwards when the worst of the storm has passed. My questions go something like this – what brought on the emotional reaction, what is the underlying cause, what is the reoccurring theme, what is the belief behind it, what is it I particularly hold dear that caused my getting upset, what part of my identity feels insulted, threatened, annoyed, etc., what action do I possibly need to take in order to prevent a reoccurring of my upset, and finally, what part of ‘me’ do I need to let go of in order to permanently become free from this particular emotional reaction?

Some emotional reactions I could easily dismiss as being plain silly such as complaints about the weather, about obstacles in the traffic, about people being late, and so on. These situations merely needed a change of attitude, some attentiveness to stop the old habit and then the emotion would not occur again by my sheer determination not to let such trivia bug me. For those issues that needed no further inquiry, nipping any upcoming emotional reaction in the bud was the perfect and only sensible solution.

Other issues took more inquisitiveness, attentiveness, guts and intent to look at the uncomfortable dark side of ‘me’ in order to get to the bottom of reoccurring emotional reactions. For instance, when I first met Peter I had a lot of male-female issues that caused me to get upset which could only be resolved by me finding out the facts of the matter and then letting go of my various idea, opinions, beliefs and feelings around being a woman, i.e. my social identity of being a woman.

Another area that needed extensive exploration had to do with my feelings of love and loyalty for my former spiritual teacher. I began to inch my way into slowly questioning the sensibility of being loyal in the face of blatant contradictions between his teachings and his behaviour and his promises and the actual outcome of practicing his teachings, but for a while each time someone else said something against him I flared up, so much so that for the first 3 months Peter and I agreed to not talk about ‘the war’. It was clear for me that this could only be a temporary measure and I steadily proceeded with finding out the facts of the matter despite my reoccurring feelings of fear, doubt, suspicion, defensiveness, treachery and abandonment that this course of action could sometimes create. Those feelings only permanently disappeared when I managed to irrevocably let go of my identity of being a follower, a member of the clan, a worshipper and lover of a Godman, a New-Age goody-two-shoes and a spiritual seeker and believer.

From those two examples you can see that the actualism method is not a superficial tool to make bad feeling go away – it is, when used correctly, a powerful instrument for radical, i.e. eradicating, change. It’s my identity I willingly let go of when I apply attentiveness and understanding and as a consequence the feelings that were produced and maintained by the respective parts of my identity also disappear.

As an analogy, you could say that the good and bad feelings are only the tip of the iceberg, the tangible aspect of one’s identity. As such, when I pay increasing attention as to how I experience this moment of being alive, increasing parts of the iceberg, ‘me’, come to the surface – and this is a necessary process if one is to bring one’s ‘self’ to the light for progressive dissolution.

VINEETO: You wrote something to Gary the other day that seems to be a misinterpretation of what I wrote, so I couldn’t resist ‘butting in’. The misinterpretation is in the second part of this post but I am making a general comment at the start.

GARY: Within the Human Condition, the best one can ever do is to keep a check on oneself, lest one run amok due to unrestrained passions and instincts. However, I think when one is practicing an alert attentiveness that something entirely different than this monitoring process is occurring. We have spoken before on this list about ‘nipping it in the bud’. I believe I have heard you use this expression as well. When I have nipped a feeling in the bud, so to speak, the feeling or emotion does not even get off the runway, to use an aeronautical analogy. If, for instance, anger arises in regard to some interaction I have had with another person, I can nip this feeling in the bud by noticing the feelings and thoughts that are arising, but there is no need to monitor by keeping in check or controlling the particular feeling, as the feeling does not gain momentum and energy. Rather, one’s native intelligence can go to work investigating this feeling, if investigation is needed. The mere presence of the feeling means I have something to look into. If anger continues to cruise down the runway, so to speak, gathering a full head of steam, then I really have my work cut out for me. If not, then voilá! ... there is nothing further that I need do. Gary to No 38, 21.2.2003

RESPONDENT to Gary: I realize that ‘nipping it in the bud’ could be interpreted as either suppression, or as you say

GARY: ‘I can nip this feeling in the bud by noticing the feelings and thoughts that are arising, but there is no need to monitor by keeping in check or controlling the particular feeling, as the feeling does not gain momentum and energy’. Gary to No 38, 21.2.2003

VINEETO: In the process of becoming happy and harmless, my main focus was on becoming harmless, i.e. ceasing being aggressive or angry towards others. In this case investigating my feelings means that I examine what triggered my eruption of anger, what caused me to up my defences, what is it that I am being defensive about and what part of my identity felt threatened and therefore caused me to react aggressively.

Once I am able to isolate the issue in question, then the next step is to clearly look at all aspects of this particular area of identity, be it an authority issue, a gender identification, professional pride, a certain belief or worldview or any other cause that made me react in an aggressive or inconsiderate manner.

The difference between maintaining a social or spiritual moral code in order to keep a lid on outbursts of anger and the process of actualism is that in actualism I am changing my behaviour by incrementally removing the very triggers for feeling irritated, annoyed, resentful, threatened or aggressive.

To achieve this, I not only have to ‘recognize’ the arising feeling as a feeling, but I have to search for and identify the part of my identity associated with the feeling – ‘me’ as a woman, ‘me’ as a national identity, ‘me’ in my professional or work role, ‘me’ as a partner or family member, ‘me’ as a social identity with a particular philosophy, culture, religion or worldview, etc, etc. Unless I recognize, examine and finally incapacitate the part of my identity who feels offended and therefore responds offensively either covertly or overtly, there will inevitably be a similar harmful response in the next similar situation.

As for ‘feelings of embarrassment and shame’ – those feelings quickly became redundant as I incrementally succeeded in ridding myself of malice and sorrow. As an actualist, I set my sights higher than merely keeping the lid on my instinctual aggression by living by the rights and wrongs of some moral or ethical code. Actualism is about becoming free of malice and sorrow via a process aimed at ‘self-immolation – it is not about controlling one’s malice and sorrow via a process aimed at ‘self’-perpetuation.

RESPONDENT: <snipped a bunch of stuff I understand>

VINEETO: The reason I described the investigation process in detail is that nipping feelings of embarrassment and shame in the bud only serves to stifle the investigative process. To get rid of embarrassment I had to find the cause of my embarrassment – in the case you described the outburst of anger – and then in the same way follow up the reasons for my outburst of anger as I have described above. Embarrassment and shame are only the tip of the iceberg and nipping these first indicators of ‘me’ in action in the bud puts a full stop to further investigations and does nothing to eliminate the underlying causes for feeling shame and embarrassment.

The reason I described the investigation process in detail is that nipping feelings of embarrassment and shame in the bud only serves to stifle the investigative process. To get rid of embarrassment I had to find the cause of my embarrassment – in the case you described the outburst of anger – and then in the same way follow up the reasons for my outburst of anger as I have described above. Embarrassment and shame are only the tip of the iceberg and nipping these first indicators of ‘me’ in action in the bud puts a full stop to further investigations and does nothing to eliminate the underlying causes for feeling shame and embarrassment.

*

RESPONDENT: Maybe I’m not making myself clear, or perhaps I’m using the wrong terminology again. When I talk about nipping the feelings in the bud, I don’t mean suppressing them. I’ve certainly learned how well that doesn’t work. The nipping means detecting them as they arise so that I can fully explore them. A secondary purpose of nipping is to stop the external manifestation, as you said a while back, to ‘keep my hands in my pockets’.

VINEETO: Mr. Oxford explains the figurative expression in question –

‘nip in the bud – fig. destroy at an early stage of development’ Oxford Dictionary,

which is the opposite to the meaning you attribute to the expression – ‘detecting them as they arise so that I can fully explore them’. Your terminology seems to get more confused the more you try to clarify it.

As for the ‘secondary purpose of nipping’ – from your description of the incident you provided as an example it appears that you expressed your anger and did not ‘keep your hands in your pockets’. Then, when ‘feelings of embarrassment and shame’ arose as a consequence of having expressed your anger, you ‘nipped them in the bud’, as in ‘destroyed at an early stage of development’.

In actualism – with its intrinsic aim of being happy and harmless – to keep my hands in my pocket means that I don’t express my anger in any form whatsoever towards others. This is eminently sensible behaviour. However, only by being aware that you are feeling angry as the feeling is happening, can you be aware of the sensibility of not expressing it. T’is best to put the cart before the horse – awareness before action leads to considered and considerate action. Being aware of feelings of shame and embarrassment at having expressed your anger to others are but signs that the horse has already bolted before you became aware of it.

There is much, much more to the phrase ‘How am I experiencing this moment of being alive?’ than is apparent from a cursory glance, particularly for those who prize themselves as being already aware.

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VINEETO: The process you seem to be describing as ‘they arose, I recognized them, then got back to being H&H’ has a striking resemblance to the method of Vipassana. This Buddhist ‘watching practice’ is based on the understanding that ‘who’ you really are is your ‘consciousness’, i.e.. a disembodied, desensitized ‘watcher’, dissociated from unwanted emotions and thoughts

In Vipassana, ‘watched’ anger eventually passes away, not because you understand its underlying reason and origin but because you become the watcher and distance yourself from your anger and merely watch it run its course. In the same way you can distance yourself from any feeling or emotion without ever having to investigate the substance of your ‘self’ – it’s instinctual core. To really face the fact that anger is ‘you’ in action, and that ‘you’ are the only cause and reason of anger arising, is the first and essential step to doing something practical about bringing an end to this emotion instead of merely witnessing it and waiting for it to pass away.

Actualism is not a method of passively monitoring, watching or observing one’s feelings – actualism is a method of actively investigating the origin of those feelings and thus rocking the very core of one’s identity.

RESPONDENT: So, ‘nip it in the bud’ doesn’t imply suppression, just an acquired skill in processing the emotions as they arise. As Vineeto discussed in another thread, it’s not necessary, or even useful to pump this through the grist mill every time, just recognize it as another manifestation of a fairly well understood response. Of course, there needs to be a check on this process to ensure that this categorization is not self-deception, a red herring.

VINEETO: I take it that the thread you are referring to is from my recent post to Gary –

Recently Peter and I were talking about this very quality of virtual freedom – after sufficient explorations into the human condition I am now able to ‘nip these reactions in the bud’ shortly after they appear and many events that usually would have triggered an angry or sad response in the past now fail to do so.

At my stage of the process the job now is to remember to stop the once essential but now redundant habit of rummaging around in my psyche in order to regurgitate issues that I have already explored, resolved and understood so as to get on with being happy and harmless as soon and as uninterruptedly as possible. Strangely enough that leaves ‘me’ increasingly with nothing to do, which in itself sometimes stirs the uncomfortable feeling of being redundant – a sure sign that my efforts of actively diminishing ‘me’ have had tangible effect. Vineeto to Gary, 12.2.2003

When I said ‘after sufficient exploration into the human condition’ I was referring to several years of actively dismantling and intensely exploring all aspects of my identity – an identity that was clearly seen and recognized in numerous ‘self’-less pure consciousness experiences as being an all-pervading yet non-actual ‘presence’. Such pure consciousness experiences are vital to the intent to investigate one’s identity because only in a PCE can I see, by the very comparison of ‘my’ absence, what havoc ‘I’ am continuously causing by ‘my’ very presence and what confusion, diversion and cunning ploys ‘I’ am inventing in order to stay in existence. The comparison of a PCE to ‘my’ normal life as an identity within the human condition also gives me the confidence that when I am ‘nipping feelings in the bud’ I am not repressing, ignoring or side-lining a ‘precious’ part of my identity.

RESPONDENT: Quite simply... What is meant by ‘not suppressing or expressing’ emotion?

VINEETO: No, in my first post to you I was talking about becoming aware of all of one’s feelings and emotions as they occur. Of course the strong emotions are usually noticed first and as such these are best to start with. If you set your sights on becoming happy and harmless then emotions such as anger, jealousy and resentment are good things to watch out for and observe as they are happening. Once you get the hang of it and begin to explore how you are experiencing this moment of being alive on a regular basis, you will become aware of your more subtle emotions like annoyance, irritation, dismissal, cynicism, touchiness, melancholy, gloominess, listlessness, boredom, disinterest, guilt, shame, withdrawal, sullenness, etc.

RESPONDENT: Or even if I am upset with someone – to be clear with them that I am getting upset – not that I have to ‘take it out on them’, but it seems better to communicate or express feeling rather than suppressing it.

VINEETO: Speaking personally, I soon discovered that my wanting to express to someone that they were making me upset was simply a way of blaming the other for my feeling upset – a convenient way of avoiding investigating my own feelings and discovering why other people’s acts or words upset me. In other words, I came to realize that if I didn’t stop the cycle of blaming others then I would never experience peace on earth.

Every emotion I have is ‘my’ identity expressing itself because ‘I’ am my feelings and my feelings are ‘me’. In order to eliminate ‘me’, all of the activities of this identity, i.e. beliefs, emotions and passions, are gradually brought to the light of awareness. Therefore whatever emotion is triggered, it is always ‘me’ in action and my interest lies in finding out about and incrementally eliminating the malicious and sorrowful ‘me’. As such, I have taken full responsibility for all of my feelings in that I accepted the challenge to eliminate the cause of my feelings in me.

For example if I felt insulted because someone was calling me an idiot or blaming me for something, my normal reaction had been to either grumpily swallow it or to tell the other off, depending on who was the stronger one in the situation. In actualism I investigated why I felt insulted in the first place and examined the reasons that lay behind this feeling. Personally I found that pride, self-image and righteousness were the most apparent reasons for such an emotional reaction. Once I discovered the root of the emotion I was then able to decide that I would much rather live without those examples of my identity and the feeling of insult also disappeared. The advantage of this approach is that nowadays nobody can insult me anymore.

RESPONDENT: So – just how does this ‘third alternative’ deal with ‘low levels’ of emotion. Where do I draw the line between what is advantageous for me to express and what is not? Just what is meant by ‘not expressing’ emotion anyway?

VINEETO: You don’t have to draw a line – not expressing one’s emotions means not expressing. The longer you practice the method of actualism the better you become in not expressing or suppressing the emotion when it comes up. I found that even slight expressions of my emotions, say irritation or displeasure, would cause uncontrollable ripples and repercussions in my interactions with people and, because my aim is to be harmless, I don’t want to create ripples.

If I express to another person that they are upsetting me, then I am blaming them for causing my anger and a careful observation of expressing my upset will reveal that it can never be expressed harmlessly. Similarly, if one expresses one’s sorrow to another, a careful observation will reveal that this does nothing but maintain and perpetuate sorrow in the world.

I also found it immensely freeing when I realized that my emotions are solely my problem to deal with and, when I am sure that there is no malice in what I say or do, other people’s emotions are their problem. This understanding makes all interactions with people incredibly easy, particularly when living together with someone else. You get to live in peace and harmony with the other without having to even try and change the other person in the slightest way.

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RESPONDENT: What I’m trying to point out is that ‘expression’ can be anything from ‘taking out anger on someone’ to a frown, to the way I dress, and the food I eat, or what I do to ‘clear my head’. If we are to stop ‘all expression’ of emotion immediately upon venturing down the AF road, it would seem somewhat of a nightmare. I’m not prepared to completely ‘lock myself’ up.

VINEETO: If you translate the method of actualism as having to ‘lock myself up’, then you erroneously understand it as replacing one moral rule with another. Actualism is not about proposing a new set of morals, ethics and values – in actualism you set out on your own volition to remove all of the programming that generates malice and sorrow. ‘You’ are at root a passionate feeling being and everything ‘you’ do is expression of a belief, an emotion or an instinctual passion in one way or another. Therefore following the current fashion of overtly expressing my emotions is strengthening ‘me’ whereas questioning and investigating my emotions is pulling the rug out from under ‘my’ feet. That’s why the method of investigating one’s feelings by neither expressing nor suppressing the emotion is so effective in diminishing ‘me’.

I think when you have the single-pointed intent to become happy and harmless, then the answer to the question about expressing emotions will be very simple. For me, the intent to become harmless meant that I did not want to express any of my mean and malicious ‘self’ to anyone because I wanted to stop causing ripples, pressurizing others, creating guilt, or manipulating others in any way – in short, I decided not to pass on my malice. In exactly the same way and for the same reason, I decided not to pass on my sorrow in any way, be it by sharing my hurts and disappointments, airing my moods or commiserating with others about life being a bitch.

Similarly, actualism is not about repressing your emotions, as in ‘locking yourself up’. The aim of actualism is not to become an emotionless zombie but to eliminate the insidious good and the invidious bad emotions and aim for the felicitous/ innocuous feelings. Richard’s article ‘This Moment of Being Alive’ describes precisely and succinctly how you can rid yourself from malice and sorrow.

RESPONDENT: I’m trying to point out that it’s not entirely clear to me just what an ‘expression’ of emotion is. It seems to me that you have circumscribed only a part of ‘expression’ of emotion. It seems you are really talking about ...

VINEETO: Yes, that is exactly what I mean. The longer I applied the method the easier it became to sit with the emotion that occurred, ponder it over, trace it to its source and, upon complete understanding, step out of it completely.

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RESPONDENT: My point is that it isn’t entirely clear when one is ‘expressing’ an emotion. I’m hoping to work towards clarification on what that means.

It’s hard to know exactly when one has an ‘emotion’ in hand. Words like love, empathy, sorrow, malice after all are just words that refer to a whole spectrum of feeling. There are times when particular emotions stand out and are very clear to see – but how do I really know absolutely (before I’ve completely investigated them) the difference between empathy and benevolence, love and intimacy, malice and an intelligent delineation of behavioural boundaries? The more I investigate, the better I get at seeing these differences. So, it seems to me that the method of AF is about gradually minimizing expression of emotion – not expressing in the cases where an emotion is very clear to see, but we should realize that emotions continue to be expressed in subtle ways. I don’t think I’m using this as an excuse to continue expressing emotion – only a recognition that it’s impossible for me NOT to express emotion subtly. So, we can nip the obvious emotions in the bud, investigate them and they begin to decrease in strength. But guarding oneself against expressing emotion subtly is what I mean by ‘locking up.’

VINEETO: I think it might help to remember that you do not turn the method actualism into a new set of rules that have to be followed. You can consider it rather like a screw-driver to take yourself apart. You apply the method because you can see that it makes sense – I presume – and because you have the sincere intent to become harmless and happy. In actualism you are your own arbiter of how you proceed, considering of course that the ‘self’ by its very nature is as tricky as all get-out.

VINEETO: My experience with becoming gradually free from aspects of my identity is that as those aspects fall away I gradually forget that they ever existed. As such I not only not miss those aspects that I left behind but I often wonder what all the fuss is/was about.

RESPONDENT: That’s a touchstone in seeing whether or not a particular feeling, belief or habitual response is deleted/ eliminated or merely transcended/ repressed/ denied/ avoided/ covered up. When at this stage is doesn’t even require a ‘nipping in the bud’ as ‘the problem’ is simply gone, the ‘nipping in the bud’ is a form of attrition ... eventually the beast and its accompanying beauty die out.

VINEETO: For me, nipping in the bud comes mainly into play when I have already understood the core of the problem and need to entirely erase a persistent visceral habit. For instance when I applied myself to investigating the issue of love, I fairly quickly understood the dream that lays behind the pining feeling of love and awareness revealed the manipulating possessiveness of the feeling of love. However, it took me much longer to detect these feelings the moment they arose and to disempower the emotional feel-good hooks and tentacles before they had a chance to really take hold. Such feelings seem to have a life of their own until ongoing attentiveness and a sustained period of ‘nipping in the bud’ finally cut them dry.

RESPONDENT: But prior to ‘nipping it in the bud’, I’ve acted in such a way as to inflame the passion and/or stretch the limits of a particular belief, see if it stands the actuality check, then I’ve moved on to curiously look at ‘me’ acting... ‘handcuffed’ (my version of the hands in the pocket), sort of when a Beauty is on the mesmerizing mode or a dragon is showing off its powers to Buggs Bunny while he says ‘hmm ... that’s really interesting doc, where have you learned that?’

VINEETO: I know well the seductive temptation to dramatize ‘me’ under the guise of ‘self’-exploration (and most Western therapy groups thrive on this tool of ‘self’-enhancement) – that’s why the sincere intent to become free from the human condition in toto is essential. After I decided to give actualism a go I recognized that this would involve abandoning all that I had tried in the past – I would describe this turn-around as ‘cutting the crap and getting out of misery as fast as possible’.

My experience is that one does not need to exaggerate feelings as attentiveness itself reveals not only the invidious nature of affective feelings but it also reveals the full range of affective feelings whether it be from feeling slightly annoyed to being overcome by blind rage, from feeling a mild ennui to plummeting into gut-wrenching despair, from feeling a little worried to sinking into a full-blown paranoia, from feeling a little detached to plunging into a dissociative state, and so on. No need for exaggeration as every human being has the capacity to feel the feel the full gamut of affective feelings.

For me to keep my hands in my pocket while neither repressing, nor expressing nor acting upon my feelings but allowing myself to feel the feeling in order that I could be attentive to the nature of the particular feeling whilst it is happening was extremely sensible advice. This allows me to put the feeling in a bind – it is like holding the feeling under a microscope rather than letting it go unobserved or letting it run rampant as is normally the case.

GARY: I’ve got to get back to being happy and harmless. I can’t say I’m there yet. I’ve got an awfully lot going on my head and in my heart at the present time. I was practically having anxiety attacks and very sick feelings over the weekend. It was not very pleasant. Now it is a bit better. I don’t think my lows are quite as low as they used to be or my depressions are quite as depressed as they used to be. I think I pull myself out of it a lot faster.

PETER: Yea. As you begin to have success, any little set backs can be irritating or seem bigger than they are, or seem to last longer than they actually do. When I first got a computer 3 years ago I bought it as the best word processor with which to write my journal. Countless mistakes, faults, hits and misses later I can now use it not only for writing but for picture and video processing, drawing for work, participating on mailing lists etc. Often it felt like a struggle, often I saw others as better than me or quicker to get it than me, but I see now that I am reasonably competent using the machine by now. What capped it off was a technically minded friend who looked at my CAD program and said ‘Wow, that must be complicated’ and I was able to see how well I was doing at a fairly difficult and brand new task.

In comparison with learning to use a computer, becoming free of malice and sorrow is a much more difficult task requiring much more patience and perseverance, which is why it makes no sense to allow any glitches or misses that occur to blossom into something bigger than they are. Nipping the feeling or emotion in the bud was the expression you used. This is not suppression for if the feelings come up again next time in a similar situation, you get another opportunity to label the feeling, trace the source, do a bit more investigating and get back to feeling good.

Success is noticing you are feeling good now, either in a situation where you wouldn’t have felt good a while ago ... or for no particular reason other than the sheer delight in being here.

PETER: As I said to No 52 in my most recent post to him, it is important to feel the quality of any feelings of malice and sorrow that surface before you nip them in the bud in order that you have an experiential understanding as to how and why the feelings and emotions that arise from the instinctual passions operate. By conducting your investigations in this scientific way, you feel the feelings as and when they are happening which means you neither repress nor dissociate from your feelings, and then get back to feeling good as soon as possible, which means you neither indulge in nor become overwhelmed by your malicious and sorrowful feelings. 

An intellectual understanding of the human condition is one thing – at best you know in theory what to look out for. But if you really want to become free of the human condition there is no other way but fully committing to a hands-on moment-to-moment attentiveness as to how you are experiencing this moment of being alive – which means fully committing to being here as a mortal flesh and body in this world of the senses, with all that this involves.

RESPONDENT: What is the difference between ‘nipping it in the bud’, and suppressing a feeling?

RESPONDENT No 75: As I understand it, in suppressing you use control/ will/ force/ aggression based on no/partial/intellectual understanding of the feeling. You try to change the course of the feeling recognizing its harm (or for whatever reasons) using control/ will/ force/ aggression. What are the advantages? One can stop the crisis. What are the disadvantages? It doesn’t end the matter fully and still all is a mystery.

Though this can be called nipping it in the bud too, in actualist terms (feel free to correct, anybody): happens really after an experiential understanding – by fully feeling the feeling without controls (in a safe setting) and seeing where it will take one. How does one do it? I don’t recall it doing it myself... though I have experienced a lot of feelings fully... I see that such an understanding takes the momentum off the feeling when it re-occurs. The understand allows one to change the course of the feeling by seeing its futility, seeing where it will take one and what ensues. I think one undergoes a change of heart/mind at the moment of feeling rather than forcefully changing it. Force might have its use too as one is dealing with ‘instinctual forces’ here and actualism being a practical business, focuses on workability rather than on morals and concepts. But the point is that suppression is using force primarily whereas actualist method is to use experiential understanding (feeling completely) primarily. Another point is that, actualism is not about ‘don’t feel’ but rather ‘feel fully’ and study it. No 75 to No 79, 16.4.2005

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