(List D refers to Richard’s List D and his Respondent Numbers)
Vineeto’s Correspondence with Henry on Discuss Actualism Forum HENRY: My experiencing of what I took to be virtual freedom was sincere, but I soon found myself feeling jealous of what I perceived to be superior progress by Claudiu and Kuba. Fortunately I was able to smell something was off quickly and put my hands in my pockets and carried on. However, this undercurrent was still able to define me through to today. […] It’s quite clear to me at this point that I have no substantial reason not to enjoy this life / this moment. Anything that brings me down is a mirage, something I maintain only for myself and with no benefit. It’s just this habitual thing. On closer inspection, this jealousy was similarly a mirage… any advantage of progress that Claudiu and Kuba may have was defined purely by my own parameters: my own jealousy was the only thing creating whatever gap may exist. There is no reason to be jealous - if anything, it’s wonderful that my peers that I have been discussing actualism with for these years have been having the success that they have been enjoying. All that is left is for me to get out of my own way and join them - not to mention joining Vineeto and the rest of the pioneers. It is wonderful to put this to rest. I can see that jealousy of the same variety has been a part of ‘me’ for a very long time [...] VINEETO: Hi Henry, It’s great you have discovered and can admit to what this ‘smelly’ undercurrent is – jealousy and competition are a strong emotional forces. As you said it has been a part of you for a very long time. So now that you identified the trigger which prevents you from fully enjoying and appreciating this moment, you can contemplate it in depth, recognize the pattern and make a conscious choice. You can first ascertain the facts as far as the habit of comparison/ competition/ jealousy goes. You want to be actually free and someone has made better progress. The fact that it makes you feel jealous could mean that, deep down, you know you are not yet doing everything you can possibly do to achieve your goal. Therefore, instead of feeling jealous, which is wasting a potent emotional energy, one can easily, with some awareness and common sense, turn this energy into the action of making tangible progress towards your aim. I remember ‘Vineeto’ used imitation, i.e. tried to learn from the successes ‘she’ identified in others at making progress in actualism and thus channelled ‘her’ own emotional energy into being productive, and, of course, added further confidence, enjoyment and appreciation. You said – “any advantage of progress that Claudiu and Kuba may have was defined purely by my own parameters”. If your own parameters are merely about “I am better than someone else” then those parameters are well worth looking at and worth reassessing. If, however, your parameters are that you want to become actually free as soon as possible, then they naturally need to align with pure intent, and then the next action will become obvious to you. Perhaps it’s a matter of realigning your aim and actions fully with pure intent and follow the guidance of pure intent? In any case, sitting “on the sidelines” or rationalizing jealousy out of existence will not do the trick, and I congratulate you for somewhat recognizing that. As you say “Plus it’s so much more fun to just jump in rather than sitting in a huff on the sidelines”. VINEETO: If your own parameters are merely about “I am better than someone else” then those parameters are well worth looking at and worth reassessing. HENRY: I was initially a bit taken aback, but it became clear that that very dynamic was at work in my life. Upon reflection, I could see it was defensive in nature and ultimately served to sustain insecurities. Since exploring those aspects, things have been ‘coming unstuck,’ and as of yesterday afternoon a ‘christmastime atmosphere’ has become predominant. There is a glow, a sense of magicality, a delight wherever my attention wanders. VINEETO: Hi Henry, There is no shame admitting that competition is operating in you – pretty much everyone has this feature of the human condition to a greater or lesser extent. But it is wonderful that you can own up to it and are “exploring those aspects” to the point where things are “coming unstuck” resulting in “a delight wherever my attention wanders”. Well done. Don’t stop here as competition and rivalry are quite a pertinacious occurrence inherent in the peasant mentality and deserve attention whenever they stand in the way of persistently enjoying and appreciating one’s association with fellow human beings. HENRY: There is a question of where there is love at play, as I have been getting some attention back from a girl I’m interested in, but I’m paying close attention. Experience will inform. In the meantime, enjoying this atmosphere, which I do recognize from PCEs. A sensation of circling the drain. VINEETO: As Richard explained in detail, there is a way of bypassing love with sufficient naïveté when moving further into intimacy with one’s partner –
They key is to activate sufficient naïveness and naïveté and be attentive and “stay fully alert”, as Grace termed it, to the instinctual tendency of love and affection which’s unpleasant side-effects most of us know so well. VINEETO: Hi Henry, HENRY: I realized that all I am really doing when I’m playing these games is finding out what works and what doesn’t, there’s no need for any emotional involvement / involvement from ‘me.’ […] By doing all that I’ve developed a wonderful library of knowledge of what works and doesn’t, which I can carry forward and share with others. And I can continue every day – trying this, trying that. There was something I was doing as an identity, ‘identifying’ with particular outcomes – "I am a winner / I am a loser," not aware that both of those are completely dependent on conditions – all there is to do is tweak a condition here and there and the whole thing can flip. There is winning and there is losing but neither are permanent states – just as nothing in this universe is permanent. It’s wonderfully dynamic, and quite fascinating to take part in. VINEETO: Now that you have discovered your, the identity’s, propensity to be a winner/loser and discovered experientially that you don’t have to do that anymore, you could apply this to your whole life and live your life on a preference basis. Viz:
VINEETO: In other words, if you put *everything* in your life on a preference basis then you can be winner big time, not only in a rather insignificant game on your mobile phone (I mean in the grand scheme of life) but in every moment of your life. It can look like this –
VINEETO: Doesn’t this course of action intrigue you? VINEETO: Now that you have discovered your, the identity’s, propensity to be a winner/loser and discovered experientially that you don’t have to do that anymore, you could apply this to your whole life and live your life on a preference basis. VINEETO: Hi Henry, Excellent. And now you only have one thing in life which is not a preference but an imperative – to become actually free from the human condition. Life is so much easier when one has sorted out one’s priorities, isn’t it?
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