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(List D refers to Richard’s List D Vineeto’s Correspondence with Kuba on Discuss Actualism Forum
KUBA: Now it is a long journey back to the UK, 3 planes and about 25 hours of flying in total, plenty of time for ‘me’ to experience this complete dread at what is apparently going to happen any second. Before setting my foot on the plane I had already set the intention to do the below no matter what :
(Richard, List B, No. 39b, 21 Nov 2002).
This “feedback loop” seems to be what keeps ‘me’ in place as a self. When this was seen it was as if out of the 2 items which were required for this feedback loop, 1 was taken away. All of a sudden what I previously experienced as this unmovable core of fear right in the chest region all of a sudden became kind of airy, so much so that I had the urge to laugh, like I could laugh it out of my chest for good. This is certainly no self-immolation and in general all very weird stuff. However since then something has shifted, whereas before actuality seemed to be ‘out there’ like this other dimension I would have to enter. Now it seems right here now, with the flimsiest bits of ‘me’ keeping reality in place and thus blocking what is already always here now. It seems so utterly ordinary on one hand, like “of course I am here as this body where I have always been” and then at the same time there is this exquisite purity and a magical ambience. It seems so close (as it is already always here now) that all I have to do is accept that invitation to the party, for good. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, What an incredible long journey and what an adventure to “plumb the depths of ‘being’ itself”. It revealed for you the ‘presence’ which feeds of fear, and yet something was missing which
kept you nevertheless “in place as a self”, which only your impeccable sincerity allowed you to
recognize as “something like an actuality mimicking ASC” and not the genuine article. Two things I noticed – one is where Richard recommends finding the thrilling aspect of fear and stay with –
The second aspect which was missing, and they are closely related, is altruism, which will make the exploration into fear both thrilling and exhilarating –
Only you can know how to find the missing ingredient, and I know from your reports so far that you will leave no stone unturned to find it. KUBA: There is a quote from Richard that reminds me of this but I cannot for the life of me
find it! He explains that he meets the same people, things and events that others do, as if nothing has happened and
yet something has changed irrevocably, in that there is an immaculate perfection and purity permeating all of
existence. VINEETO: Is this the quote you are looking for? –
Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO:
KUBA: This is an interesting one, I can see this doubt that I
experience says exactly the opposite, that it could not possibly be ‘me’, that ‘I’ am not good enough etc.
And there is a dichotomy there where ‘my’ humility (that doubt in disguise) has the effect of keeping ‘me’ in
place. Whereas to contemplate doing as per the quote there is this fear of becoming an utter megalomaniac. Funny how in reality it is all back to front, this highly prized humility will keep suffering going on forever and a day. Whereas it will label ‘my’ altruistic self-sacrifice as megalomaniacal in order to keep ‘me’ back where the herd is. Indeed ‘humanity’ will not let anyone escape. VINEETO: Perhaps this common-sense contemplation will help with your present confusion, where neither pride nor humility, neither doubt nor fear can give you an answer –
There is nothing “megalomaniac” to sincerely and passionately want “to bring to an end all the wars and murders and rapes and tortures and domestic violence and child abuse and sadness and loneliness and grief and depression and suicides that are endemic to the human condition”. At this point in your life this is the only intelligent and worthwhile action to do, and I recommend not to rush into any action but to keep this as an open question until it clicks for you –
You have painted yourself into a corner with an inevitable outcome and I salute your audacity. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA:
Allowing this “utter fullness” is
indeed not about ‘me’ keeping busy, it is about ‘me’ becoming (or more specifically accepting that it has
always been so) totally redundant, and agreeing to this with the entirety of ‘my’ being. When ‘I’ contemplate
this possibility there is such an incredible sweetness to admitting this, it’s where release is located. VINEETO: Dear Kuba, And the full moon shines on the still pond of an incoming tide perfectly reflecting in the water … Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: And this is because the actualism method is about one thing and one thing only –
KUBA: So there are no half measures in actualism, the wide and wondrous path is one that leads to ‘my’ demise. If ‘I’ want to use actualism to feed back into ‘my’ identity then ‘I’ never step on the wide and wondrous path to begin with. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Well, there is one “half-measure” – on can aim for a virtual freedom, a condition which is well beyond human expectations and far better than any of the 7 billion humans on the planet experience themselves at present. It still requires a fundamental change and sincere application to shed a large part of one’s old identity but is nevertheless easier to achieve and perhaps less scary than aiming for an actual freedom from the start. Here is what Richard said in praise of Virtual Freedom –
Of course, some intrepid pioneers are not satisfied with second best and aim for the ultimate prize. KUBA: I have noticed that most of the times when I have essentially done nothing with regards to progress was exactly this, that ‘I’ wanted to keep ‘myself’ and ‘my’ life exactly as it was and then use actualism to super charge the whole thing. This creates a nice circular process that succeeds in keeping ‘me’ exactly as ‘I’ am. So it is not that there is a barrier to entry as such, the barrier is ‘me’, whether ‘I’
am ready for something fundamentally different, extreme by any ‘normal’ measures. Even stepping on the path to
begin with ‘my’ whole world is being undermined. Richard saw this in that first PCE, that the totality of who ‘he’
was would have to go in order to live that experience 24/7. There is no way around this, perhaps why the numbers of
sincere actualists are so low. I do remember this from the first few months of applying the method, I remember
writing that it was as if ‘I’ was stuck in this deep dark cave that ‘I’ have made ‘my’ home and actuality
was being glanced, however contemplating stepping out of that cave and into the bright light of actuality was
something so audacious. Even though release was in that direction ‘I’ was screaming with all of ‘my’ being
not to step out. VINEETO: That is a good description why for some, if not most, it is difficult at the start to use the actualism method successfully before they have understood and agreed to that is it about “undermining” my ‘self’. Unless this is understood ‘I’ will invent a hundred cunning ways to sabotage any progress and some of you had to learn this the hard way. Whereas once the commitment is made that I will change myself radically and fundamentally, suddenly the actualism method works like a charm and is fun to boot. Having some PCEs to experience what is possible can work a treat. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: It is becoming clearer that there is only 1 thing truly worth doing at this point. Whenever I watch various media like podcasts etc I notice that everyone is trying to do something. Watching a Jordan Peterson podcast just now there is clearly a well meaning person there, psychologically and psychically contorting himself into a pretzel in order to find a solution within the human condition. And I see the same all around, all these various systems which are well meaning but ultimately futile are being attempted by people worldwide. And there is 1 difference here, why Richard succeeded and all those others failed. It is because Richard did not believe that human nature was set in stone. Of course if we accept this premise then the only thing that is possible is to do exactly what everyone has been doing for thousands of years with only questionable ‘success’. I thought about this now and indeed if human nature was set in stone then life would be a sick joke, it would be an endless battle to keep ‘me’ in check, to continually deal with the problems that arise from ‘being’ itself. Then psychology and psychiatry and philosophy and the rest of it would be forever needed. This kind of fate would not approximate at all the perfection and purity which is evidenced in a PCE. And it is the PCE which shows by direct experience that freedom from the human condition is possible, that life is not a sick joke after all. The PCE is the guiding light for an actualist because that perfection and purity is what ‘I’ strive to imitate. But it seems it comes to a point where this imitation is simply not good enough anymore, where only living the genuine article will satisfy. I am always blown away by the distance that exists even between a happy and harmless ‘me’ and the perfection and purity of the PCE. How ‘my’ most precious feelings, beliefs, plans, schemes etc indeed ‘my’ whole life, can be shown in an instant to be worth absolutely nothing against that peerless perfection and purity. Even a momentary flash of the actual world immediately makes ‘my’ whole life pale in comparison, actually there isn’t even any comparison to begin with. In this way even virtual freedom (although being way beyond ‘normal’ human expectations) is merely a half measure when contrasted against what the PCE demonstrates. There is very much this sense that what I have now is simply not good enough anymore. And not only that it is not enough to satisfy me but more so that humankind is in dire need for a solution which will eradicate the human condition. The original cause of all the issues needs to be eliminated rather than endlessly coming up with systems to ameliorate the symptoms which flow from this seemingly set in stone condition. It’s interesting listening to someone like Jordan Peterson using his clearly sharp intellect to compose mind-bogglingly complex ‘solutions’ and then to consider that none of this activity would be needed if human nature was demonstrated to have the capacity for radical and fundamental change, as opposed to being “set in stone”. I see this is what I get to do by becoming actually free. It is to demonstrate by living example
that human nature is not set in stone, which means that life is not a sick joke, which means that none of those ‘tried
and true’ systems need be entertained anymore. It is to demonstrate by living example that there is a far better
solution available. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Thank you for this well-thought-out summary why, despite the considerable advantages of virtual freedom, an actual freedom is indeed the very best solution for this body, that body and for humankind at large. And the benefits of the flow-on effect for generations to come are truly incredible, unbelievable, unimaginable and inconceivable. I just read this quote from Richard where he basically says the same as you just did – “Someone has to be intrepid enough (…), to show what is possible to a benighted humanity.”
Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: I was always in 2 minds about this kind of activity, because on one hand it is not required to get back to feeling good and if done without feeling good it can turn into spiralling. On the other hand it is such a great way to get to know ‘myself’ and the human condition, to thoroughly map that landscape until no corners are left unexplored. I think I was always predisposed to this kind of activity too, I enjoy it, I have always been fascinated by these kinds of things, and if not for the discovery of actualism I would probably be some kind of psychologist/philosopher by now haha. Vineeto I would be interested to hear how you see this kind of activity with regards to
applying the method? Is there benefit in “meandering through” all the various corners of the psyche, whether
that is thought, belief, emotion, passion etc So long as this is not done whilst one is feeling bad. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, I am surprised you ask because considering your posts that I read in the last year you seem to have used “this kind of activity” quite a lot. The “Silly or Sensible” audio-tape not only explains the fun of constructive thinking and, apart from the advice to be kind to yourself, to replace ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ and ‘good’ and ‘bad’ judgements and principles with a practical matter-of-fact appraisal of “is it silly or sensible”. These are very useful tools for applying the actualism method of enjoyment and appreciation, whilst sorting out one’s social identity beliefs and values, one’s various feelings and deeper instinctual passions. They have been of great benefit to ‘Vineeto’ and many others. Of course, there is “benefit in “meandering through” all the various corners of the psyche” – until one is ready to take the plunge. You have done this yourself –
Now you arrived at a point, after all your explorations where you have concluded –
The only way to “demonstrate by living example that there is a far better solution
available” is to actually “Step Out Of The Real World Into This Actual World And
Leave ‘Yourself’ Behind Where ‘You’ Belong”. You are not asking me if you could/should rummage around in the “various corners of the psyche” a bit longer, or do you? Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Vineeto I would be interested to hear how you see this kind of activity with regards to
applying the method? Is there benefit in “meandering through” all the various corners of the psyche, whether
that is thought, belief, emotion, passion etc So long as this is not done whilst one is feeling bad. VINEETO: You are not asking me if you could/should rummage around in
the “various corners of the psyche” a bit longer, or do you? KUBA: Oh dear … Looks like I was indeed wanting to rummage around some more . Perhaps I thought on the 1000th scan of the area I will find the missing key, somewhere buried in the rubble. Thank you for the reminder, I did have a good laugh at myself when I read your response, because it exposed what I was doing completely. VINEETO: Hi ;Kuba, It was easy to spot, you had said yourself that solving problems is one of your favourite past-times and that you like inventing some more just to enjoy solving them. It was funny that you asked my for assessment of Richard’s advice how to think, how to be kind to oneself and how to apply silly or sensible. ‘Vineeto’ was one of the participants of those audio-taped conversations (Q(2)) at the time and these were the ‘her’ first new ‘directions’ how to think in a different manner to the spiritually indoctrinated practice of “leave your mind at the door”. It was incredible refreshing and encouraging to be allowed to use ‘her’ brain again! KUBA: But at the same time I recognise that I cannot continue doing this forever – creeping up, hanging back, buying time, looking for reassurance etc. Something useful has come from this actually, which is that I can see now that I always hoped that I could resolve the human condition. That actualism was the tool to accomplish this. That if I rummage around enough eventually the puzzle will click and the human condition will be fixed. But now I can see that no matter how well I outline that which is rotten to its very core, it
will still remain rotten! It’s like if I was to go and study the various atrocities that happen throughout the globe, I
could compile the most exquisite information about the victims, the perpetrators, the conditions etc. And by the end
of the day those atrocities would still continue happening, there would still be no end to it. I would know the
problem but there would be no solution. VINEETO: There is indeed no other way to solve the core of the human condition but to dissolve it, i.e. to leave it behind. It can be a sobering realisation but it is also a very liberating one – you can clean it up until the moon turns blue to no avail – in the final analysis it has no redeeming features given the perfect alternative now available. In other words you can drop it, right here, right now. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: There is indeed no other way to solve the core of the human condition but to dissolve it, i.e. to leave it behind. It can be a sobering realisation but it is also a very liberating one – you can clean it up until the moon turns blue to no avail – in the final analysis it has no redeeming features given the perfect alternative now available. In other words you can drop it, right here, right now. KUBA: The above has been on my mind a lot lately, I realise that what I have been doing is actually the harder way. This habit I have of finding problems so that I can resolve them got ‘me’ trying to measure up to actuality. So not only did ‘I’ have the burden of ‘being’ to begin with but now ‘I’ was also setting ‘myself’ the task of ‘being’ as pure and perfect as actuality is – first of all an impossibility but also way harder than it has to be. It clicked yesterday that it is actually way easier, because all ‘I’ have to do is die, ‘I’ don’t have to concern ‘myself’ at all with how this body will behave in actuality. ‘I’ don’t have to worry about ‘being’ that pure and perfect. What seemed like a curse (in that ‘I’ can never get to actuality) has since been seen as a blessing, because how on earth could ‘I’ ever make ‘myself’ that pure. No matter how many problems ‘I’ solve ‘I’ will remain rotten. What a pressure to take off to realise that ‘I’ will be left right at the door marked “Terra actualis”. So now it’s just the easier task of dying, dying still rotten, as I should be as a feeling
being. It is all how it should be in the end, for if ‘I’ was to get ‘my’ wish granted and be able to enter
actuality ‘I’ would suffer right through it all, ‘I’ can never live and act how this body is capable of when
freed from ‘me’. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, What an excellent conclusion! I think it natural to proceed this way towards ‘self’-immolation, given ‘my’ dominant survival instinct – trying everything first until it is undeniably obvious that all options for ‘me’ to survive are exhausted. Only then the stronger instinct, altruism, can come to the fore. When all possibilities are exhausted there is no choice. What a freedom to have no more choice!
Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Yes it seems that before I could tell intellectually (from reading various information) that ‘I’ was doomed, that ‘I’ would have to die. But I hadn’t yet arrived at this realisation experientially, so there was always some kind of way out, the slightest of hopes that ‘I’ would survive it all. It seems the only way was to progressively exhaust all these possibilities. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Hehe, hope has no place in the actual world and is now totally superfluous.
KUBA: So now it is an interesting place, because all possibility for hope has ran out, without going into despair either, there is only hints of this “deep sincerity at the import of what had to happen”. As weird as it sounds this “doomed” place seems the one from which ‘I’ can altruistically sacrifice ‘myself’. I cannot shake this thought though that it must be easy, that all ‘I’ have done so far was
the difficult part. VINEETO: With no hope its opposites also disappear – doubt, disbelief, distrust and despair. Can you hear the bells of joyous anticipation and celebration ringing yet? ♫♪ ♫ ♫♪ Your unshakeable thought that “it must be easy” is spot on. Look at all the reports, the point of transition was dead easy … and filled with the sweetness of pure intent. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: To have sincere intent is vital. I noticed an aspect in your report is
about control, ‘me’ controlling ‘me’ to move into the direction ‘I’ think is right – and that
approach is sudorific, at best. Even though the ingredient may be right, the outcome is still a serious enterprise
of ‘you’ forcing yourself to be in a particular way. [emphasis added]. KUBA: Oh my… this has began to click recently that my whole journey ‘I’ had made sudorific in one way or another. It was all ‘I’ knew to do, “go hard or go home” even when it is supposed to be easy! […] How could allowing ‘myself’ to feel good each moment again for the rest of ‘my’ life be hard or sudorific? What silliness haha. ‘I’ was on a very serious mission to slay dragons and complete all sorts of very sudorific quests because that was all ‘I’ knew to do. It’s interesting that the actualism method can seem so difficult and yet isn’t living in the real world so very difficult? The suffering that each denizen of the real world manages to get through daily is legendary, it really is impressive. How could removing that boulder off one’s back and simply enjoying and appreciating be hard in comparison? And I can see now that each human being has the capacity to succeed with the method, because what they get through on the daily is already way harder. The success with the method comes from locating and walking down the path which delivers the goods, not in being even more sudorific. Richard succeeded and was exceptional because of his ability to locate this unknown/unwalked path and being naive enough to proceed down it unilaterally. It really is like all of ‘humanity’ is walking down this straight and narrow path. It is a
very difficult and painful path and yet they trudge on, day in day out. Someone eventually discovers this other path,
an unmarked and unwalked path of freedom and gaiety. Of course they plant a flag and wave down to their fellow human
beings, inviting them to join where it is all so easy. And yet something compels everyone to put that boulder right
back onto the shoulders and continue on the straight and narrow, labelling the other way as “too
dangerous”, “too difficult” etc. Perhaps to the denizens of the real world who are so conditioned to
daily suffering it seems like the path of freedom and gaiety could not work specifically because it is too easy,
therefore it is not worth investing one’s time in (apparently). It is a self-imposed suffering after-all, yet it is
completely unnecessary. VINEETO: To Hi Kuba, Brilliant. I can’t help by what you just said be reminded of the Cognitive Dissonance Theory – such behaviour is not only as old as each human being slightly or more severely afflicted by it – it is as old and atavistic as humanity itself. No wonder it’s so difficult to overcome and to even consider that enjoying oneself and appreciating being alive could improve one’s life.
Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Wow this is exactly the reaction I had just now reading the first quoted paragraph, the extent and depth of the madness that would have people burnt at the stake for proposing that which was to everybody’s benefit. That ‘humanity’ is so addicted to remaining in existence (and therefore unchanged) that it would torture and murder at the worst or castigate and ostracise at the best those who offer an aid to ‘humanity’s’ self-imposed suffering. It is really bizarre and a neat example is how people still fight against the modern way of living in it’s many expressions, viewing it as some kind of perversion. That it’s not beneficial apparently to live in a warm house, with easy provisions and a host of entertainment, that somehow it be good for us to be back in the forest eeking out an animal like existence. This belief that suffering is good for one, what a persistent and utterly rotten belief. And yet isn’t
it exactly what is at core of this insistence on making everything so damn sudorific. “If ‘I’ am suffering
then something good must be happening”. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Richard always maintained that the flow-on effect of what we are seeing today as our standard morals, ethics and principles how to live life comes from the dead enlightened masters and saints of a 3000-5000-year history of humanity. It took a while time for ‘Vineeto’ to wrap ‘her’ mind around it. And yet I can see it happening – for instance suffering is good for you – this is not only the Christian ethic but valid all over the world. The Buddhist motto – diagnosis: life is suffering – solution: avoid being born. All cultures believe that happiness is only achievable after physical death.
It’s up to each of us, one by one, to change the norm. It’s a wondrous and worthwhile enterprise. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: Richard always maintained that the flow-on effect of what we are seeing
today as our standard morals, ethics and principles how to live life comes from the dead enlightened masters and
saints of a 3000-5000-year history of humanity. KUBA: Ah this is so much fun, yes I have often contemplated the very same thing. Indeed the ‘mould’ that they set in place back then is as if the very outline of reality, the rules of the game. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Yes, it is fun to discover and recognize the pattern and how much everyone’s lifestyle, values, principles and values matches it exactly. That is the only way not to be a slave to it any longer.
KUBA: And this one also! I have often wondered about something that is called these days a “growth mindset”, it’s a very popular ideology these days. I see it in a lot of high achievers, and for sure it was something that I was subject to for a long time. It could be summarised by this idiom in martial arts that a fighter trains for a competition and a martial artist trains for a lifetime, they are on an “endless path of self improvement”, never perfect but always striving to be better. It’s funny that the proponents of this creed see themselves as modern day samurais which of course gives a clue as to where this wisdom came from. […] VINEETO: This “growth mindset” as you describe it, is nothing new, it is very very old, it only has a new shiny wrapper. The aim is to always improve but never arrive. It made sense in the early days of humanity when people had to work hard to make a living and feed their children – now in an affluent society the goals and values stay the same but make no sense whatsoever. In its own way, the sacred value of love is one of best examples of this “never perfect but always striving” set-up. Because it is the identity’s substitute for the actual benevolence, for actual caring and actual intimacy of actual freedom, and as such as fake as the identity itself, love can only promise but never deliver and never satisfy. KUBA: It is fascinating that these values simply flow from those spiritual values set up “back then”. It’s also fascinating that Richard was able to locate these new and genuine values which originate from the perfection and purity of the actual world. VINEETO: I find it cute that you say “Richard was able to locate these new and genuine values” – ha, he did “locate” them in his PCEs, which many if not everyone experiences, but he was the only one who considered it possible and expedient enough to find a way to permanently live in the perfection and purity of the actual world. KUBA: What Peter wrote really hit’s bullseye with regards to the outlines of my identity – “that life is a ‘growth’ experience based on suffering”. This is ‘me’ as the high achiever, finding meaning in endless strenuous challenges. Unable to unreservedly place enjoyment and appreciation as the number 1 thing to be done. So it makes sense that I would make this ultimate achievement (actual freedom) into a sudorific challenge for ‘me’. VINEETO: Don’t be too hard on yourself, you have done very well – to arrive at this point where you know for a fact that no improvement of ‘me’ will ever allow ‘me’ to enter the actual world. That is the very end of the “sudorific challenge”, a taboo outcome for a ‘high achiever’, lol. KUBA: Accepting that it is easy and also that it will actually happen now (hence no more
pursuit) is to put ‘myself’ out of business. Yet this is already happening and has been the past couple of days. I
can no longer proceed in the difficult direction, I know it is a dead end. Now it is just the case of proceeding
towards this new way of living known as actual freedom. VINEETO: Ha, this is great to hear. Now you are ‘forced’ to enjoy and appreciate that life was meant to be easy. It will be tough to get used to that, won’t it! Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: I have so much appreciation for being able to talk like this and not just as idle discussion or “looking for problems to solve” because just as you mentioned in the past that peace on earth was your favourite subject I can now unreservedly say the same. And not just as a subject to be discussed but as an overarching goal in my life. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, And your recent post is right in that vein –
Once you change the last sentence to “I will gladly die for this” it will be happening. KUBA: It was always there, buried underneath all these other values
and pursuits. As the ‘high achiever’ deep down ‘I’ wanted the same but knew of no other way. This ‘high achiever’ could only go so far though because ‘he’ had locked ‘himself’ apart from others by ‘his’ own quest. VINEETO: Indeed, and not only “from others” but from your own deepest longing for peace-on-earth as well. But you outwitted your own identity by taking up actualism and (inadvertently?) ended up where your deeply “buried” longing wanted to be all along. KUBA: As a ‘high achiever’ ‘I’ was in ‘my’ own ivory
tower which means I could not be a fellow human being. VINEETO: Yes, it’s a serious business to get to the top and stay there, whichever ‘you’ consider the top. Yet because you wanted to be a “high achiever” in your avowed new-found aim of actualism and discovered, one by one, all the cunning plans of the identity to distract you, you nevertheless dismantled this “high achiever” in the end. Well done. KUBA: This ‘high achiever’ did well to get thus far, ‘he’ used what was already at hand but ‘he’ could never altruistically sacrifice ‘himself’ out of the ivory tower. VINEETO: No ‘he’ can’t, it requires a deep caring for one’s fellow human beings – which you discovered when you met this young, deliciously naïve girl in New Zealand. KUBA: ‘I’ proceed towards ‘my’ self-immolation so that I
can be what I have been all along – a fellow human being. VINEETO: Now that the “high achiever” met the end of ‘his’ career, ‘self’-centricity can drop away like a redundant cloak and deep caring for the plight of your fellow human beings will do the rest. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: Now that the “high achiever” met the end of ‘his’ career, ‘self’-centricity can drop away like a redundant cloak and deep caring for the plight of your fellow human beings will do the rest. KUBA: Yes and in fact just this morning when I was reading your reply
to Claudiu I saw that without this self-centricity there is such sweetness, such freedom, such delight. There is very much this sense that the universe happening in all its splendour and complexity is so much bigger than ‘me’. I have had intimations of this condition before, that without a fixed point of reference, without a ‘me’ at the centre of existence there is such perfection and ease. It seems though that ‘I’ cannot possibly ‘be’ that. ‘I’ automatically coalesce into this ‘fixed point off reference’ at the centre of everything. This is what is painful, ‘I’ arrogate responsibility over life and turn it into a severe and solemn endeavour. To try to ‘be’ that condition of freedom ‘I’ would have to go back into the sudorific quests, into the high achiever, ‘I’ would have to attempt escaping away from what ‘I’ am as a self. Indeed ‘I’ am backed right into a corner here. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Goodness me, have you resurrected the problem-creator to please the problem-solver? Luckily it is only short-lived when I read on.
KUBA: Ah that is great to hear, because I know that the sincere intent is in place. I have often thought that there is nothing more ‘I’ could possibly generate. It is just that ‘I’ have been treating it all as a “maybe”. That sincere intent to bring about peace on earth is in place but ‘I’ have been hoping that it would happen to ‘me’. So it is in ‘my’ hands and ‘my’ hands alone, ‘I’ do not have to wait for something to descend upon ‘me’. And of course that makes sense! How could ‘I’ make that once in a lifetime decision to altruistically sacrifice ‘myself’ by waiting for something else to make the decision for ‘me’. VINEETO: Indeed. There is only one act left for ‘you’ to do, no other tasks but this one. And with the experience of “such sweetness, such freedom, such delight”, “splendour and complexity” pure intent is right here to give you all the confidence you need. KUBA: haha now ‘I’ am backed even more into the corner! [reading this back it’s incredible that this is experienced without any fear, just the thrill and the sweetness] VINEETO: You must like being in the corner. I don’t see that you are in a corner. It’s a wide-open playground to dance and celebrate. You are seeing the facts very clearly (even though you might pretend not to) and now there is only action. KUBA: I am reminded of what you wrote to Claudiu:
KUBA: Indeed when I crack an egg for breakfast ‘I’ am not waiting for something to descend upon ‘me’, ‘I’ am not wishing for how it would happen. To cut the long story short it can only be the doing of it now and ‘I’ am the one responsible for the action which brings about ‘my’ self immolation. This business does get extremely experiential towards the end, and actually I am glad that it is
so! That ‘I’ actually get to do it. This is being right on the frontline of being alive. Ha what a difference from
‘observing without attachment’. VINEETO: Ha, and nobody else can do it for you and how perfect is that. Yes, it is vital, exuberant, vibrant, thrilling without fear, full of sweetness and delight – the moment you have been waiting for, working towards, the crowning achievement of ‘your’ existence, when ‘your’ deepest longing for oblivion and the universe’s stream of benignity and benevolence for once happen in unison and you leave your ‘self’ behind. Enjoy. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: The way I am experiencing it lately is that all of the ingredients are in place and now it’s clear that what is required is that spark of altruism to ignite the whole thing. It’s quite thrilling and fun to be on the lookout for this “reason to die“. I know that I cannot manufacture it in a intellectual way, rather it will have to come out of left field as Srinath wrote. I also know that once it is located it will be happening and this is utterly thrilling to contemplate. I did spend some good time yesterday seeing if I could have any objections still, just in case something had slipped my attention, but no there are no objections, I can say this confidently. There are also many many candidate “reasons to die“ and this is good to acknowledge because then I can put it to one side by realising that nothing extra needs to be added. It’s more that the ingredients which are already in place need to somehow combine in such a way as to provide that spark and set the whole thing aflame It is super exciting, it reminds me of getting to do some hunting for the first time in New
Zealand. I am set up in position, rifle loaded, in rapt attention, finger gently resting on the trigger ready to
squeeze… Just waiting for that something to hove into view. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, This is an excellent summary and position to be in. Anything can happen which sets off the spark – something you watch on the news to show you the utter senselessness of what humans to do humans, some drama on TV which reminds you of the ongoing sorrow in every household, an exquisite moment of utter stillness and purity, an perfect experience of delicious intimacy with Sonya, a fun event which indicates what life could be like for everyone, … Enjoy the “waiting for that something”. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO to Claudiu: Thank you for your replies. It is a continuous probing until it happens
and that can be the fun of the mystery solving. KUBA: For the first time I am now seeing it like this, that it is a
fun and marvellous adventure, how will it happen… ‘I’ could not possibly know and yet ‘I’ know it must/will
happen. It does make the whole endeavour so thrilling, that ‘I’ will not know all the way until it is happening
(then of course it’s known!). VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Ha, and then we will have another description how someone became actually free for the subsequent pioneers to scrutinize and analyze, looking for a possible way to know in advance what will happen next. And this, of course, will be different yet again. The universe is quite capable to engender infinite variety. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Today things have been going absolutely spectacularly, I actually don’t have words to convey the wonder and delight that is being experienced. It’s interesting because although this thing with the “turning over” in the nape of the neck seems to have been unique to Richard, I have observed something similar many times, although there is no turning over but rather a building pressure. Usually for a day or so I will experience this building pressure right in the nape of the neck, it’s almost like the brain is charging up for something. When this is happening there is very much a sense of the sensate world coming strongly to the fore but I also find I am usually quite tired during those times. Then usually the day after (exactly as happened today) I find myself experiencing previously untouched levels of freedom and delight. What is even more marvellous is that the experiencing seems to be in large part anhedonic, it is the direct sensate experience of the delights of the actual world, and what a marvellous world we exist in! Driving back from training today I only had this huge smile on my face and a sense of completion. There is still actual freedom to proceed to of course but just to experience what is here for everybody – that utter perfection and purity – had me thinking that I could gladly die right now. When this thought occurred I realised that indeed this is what will happen . That ‘I’ do not go any further and yet ‘I’ can go into blessed oblivion with this sense of a job well done and the sure knowledge that what will remain after ‘I’ disappear is paradise. So yes now this “I could die right now” needs to change to “I will die right now”. It’s interesting because in the past being so close to it happening there was
this sense of frustration, ‘I’ just wanted to get it over and done with, some slight desperation. But now this isn’t
happening anymore, it is clear that ‘I’ am doing all that ‘I’ can and the best that ‘I’ can do is to
continue allowing this process to it’s completion. It seems this whole process of stepping out from control has been a process of “coming to
terms” with the actuality of what is to happen. Initially it was more like a far away idea/hope/plan, a
“maybe”… It took some time to come to terms with the fact that actual freedom is to land irrevocably into
the world that the PCEs demonstrate, as a living actuality. Ha of course this would take some time coming to terms
with, it is so huge! KUBA: The other interesting thing which happened yesterday was seeing as a fact that in actuality physical death is not a problem in the slightest. I was watching some reality tv and it dawned on me that this universe has no boundaries and as such there is actually no outside, we are completely “encompassed” by infinitude. It is hard to use normal words to describe this accurately but it is as if infinitude is this safety blanket that one could never get outside of, it is literally an impossibility, as flesh and blood bodies we exist so safely in infinitude. It is exactly a safety that has never known any threat, nor ever will. Upon physical death there is simply nowhere else to go to and what a relief that is. The wonderful thing is that infinitude not only provides ultimate safety and security but having no boundaries (and therefore no separation) it also provides actual intimacy. So not only am I so safely here but I am so intimately here. This is so magical, in that the universe has provided ultimate safety and yet still ultimate delight. Indeed what a fool ‘I’ am to resent this universe, where ‘my’ best solution was to separate ‘myself’ from all of existence in order to generate a feeling of safety. The universe has a wayyy better solution, it has managed to provide both this closeness and safety all wrapped up in the same parcel of infinitude. It is interesting to try using normal words to describe actual intimacy but it is a closeness
that cannot be measured by the normal parameters of near or far, of here and there, it is that close!
KUBA: Writing this last night to Roy I had a bit of a “oh shit” moment It clicked that no matter how close ‘I’ get there is an absolutely unbridgeable distance between ‘me’ and actuality, one that can only be eliminated by ‘my’ death. This led to something like a panic attack, and yet ‘I’ could not put the breaks on! I went to bed eventually whilst this thing was playing out and it was fascinating that it was a breeze to get through, without halting for even a second. It has continued this morning and still ‘I’ simply cannot put the breaks on, there is just the thrill and the willingness to carry this thing through to it’s conclusion. It makes me think of what Richard wrote in his journal – “Are fear, terror, horror and dread only real Is it only an act I have to play out in order to be here now?”. But they have now lost the ability to halt progress. Initially this fear seemed so vast and bottomless that there could be no way to proceed through
it and yet there is this automatic courage to do exactly that, it seems there isn’t anything in ‘me’ left that
would turn back around. This is certainly shaping up to be quite an adventure! Geoffrey wrote:
VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Wow! So am I. Full of appreciation and admiration. Regards Vineeto
KUBA: So things are definitely shaping up to be magical today, I remember Srinath wrote a while back that he was attracted to actualism because it seemed to provide this sense of magic that was removed by the cold mechanical understanding of the world that ‘he’ had as an adult. How amazing that the mystery can be removed and yet the wonder is only magnified. I am reminded of what Richard wrote that he would not change a single thing about the universe and that the universe is wondrously able to give birth to this body, to sustain it and eventually to end it also. This puts the last nail in the coffin with regards to any resentment against physical death. For if the embryo of a fly is so wondrously complex in it’s happenings then what is this body!
The perpetual matter of the infinite and eternal universe has managed (through breathtaking complexity) to arrange
itself into a living, thinking and apperceptively aware creature known as a human being, as this creature the universe
is aware of itself – where is the thing that is going ‘wrong’ again? Coming so close to self-immolation yesterday it has been of course the first thing on my mind this morning, it really seemed like it was about to happen, in fact that it began happening already and ‘I’ pulled back somehow. This thing of “it is too good to be true” seemed to be ‘my’ way back, ‘I’ darted through the door just as it was closing behind ‘me’. But this “too good to be true” has exposed something about ‘me’, in that ‘I’ am
still treating self-immolation as if some lucky draw of a lottery, something that will be granted to ‘me’ if ‘I’
am lucky enough to tick some invisible box. It does have some flavour of a peasant mentality – “please lord, I
have done all that you have asked, gift ‘me’ deliverance now”. So what a difference, here ‘I’ am treating it as if ‘I’ have to win the lottery and yet it seems that it would be an easily repeatable occurrence. Of course this is usually the case once the unknown is known, for example I know exactly what I did to step out from control yet back then it was not possible to know. But just because it is unknown does not mean it is achieved by luck or that it is intrinsically difficult. As I experience it now there is a magical world all around, of which this body is an inhabitant. That magical flavour is as much in the tress and the birds as the very stuff of this body. So indeed as Srinath wrote it is impossible to miss when the target is as large as the universe. So of course it cannot be a lucky draw, because it is the universe that is infinite and ‘me’ that is so very small VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Lol, the way you wrote it – which door closed “behind ‘me’”? You never went through a door. What you seem to be missing is gay abandon. You have gathered as much surety as ‘I’ can ever have about the safety of infinitude. I re-read this quote just now and it could give you pause of planning to dart back and forth from the door of ‘self’-immolation too readily –
Just thought I let you know. KUBA: It seems that the certainty that would have ‘me’
self-immolate now could be used with complete reliability every time if needed, this is how sure ‘I’ need to be. It looks to me that the only thing ‘you’ are sure of now is how ‘you’ can escape your final destiny, as in “it is too good to be true”. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: So I see now is the time to join the party and dance. Yes indeed there is a lot of surety, in fact ‘I’ never thought it would be possible to get this close, to have as much surety in the ultimate beneficence of the universe. There is certainly pure intent and there was seemingly a ‘boots and all’ approach but it was
in name only. Because now I can see just what it means to proceed ‘boots and all’ without hesitancy – it means
proceeding with gay abandon into that purity and perfection. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, By the time you arrive in the actual world there will be a well-laid-out path to ‘self’-immolation with listing all the benefits and pitfalls and possible escape route and strange and thrilling adventures thanks to your and Claudiu’s extensive reports. It reminds me of Richard writing about in-control virtual freedom which ‘Peter’ and ‘Vineeto’ so eloquently waxed about –
Well done. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Wow so the standard is to be raised even higher! I remember the PCE I had a few weeks ago where I solidly experienced infinitude, it was clear that this body is of the same stuff, the same character as infinitude. In the PCE that overarching benevolence and benignity is part and parcel of what this body is and currently ‘I’ experience this benevolence and benignity all around. ‘I’ might never ‘be’ that benevolence and benignity and yet ‘I’ have to have the daring and audacity to proceed right into it. With the sure knowledge that ‘I’ will disappear and will be replaced by it. That this body will be that benevolence and benignity personified – this “too good to be true” is simply having my standards set too low. So before the daring and audacity seemed related to proceeding towards ‘my’ oblivion but now
the daring and audacity is to do with aiming for something so much bigger than ‘I’ could ever accomplish on ‘my’
own. This standard is so high that ‘I’ could only proceed with gay abandon. As of now there is the perfection and
purity all around and there is the little ‘me’ wanting to scream “too good to be true!” and yet ‘I’
know that sooner or later ‘I’ will have to let the whole thing rip and proceed right into this perfection and
purity, as an actuality. To not only experience it temporarily or to get a taste of it whilst remaining ‘me’
but rather to be that very perfection and purity personified. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Whose standards are you talking about? This whole post looks like one exercise in retrograde twisted logic. The only standard is the one you are setting that actuality is “too good to be true”. Who says so? This is the suspicious ‘me’ talking, who won’t be here after ‘you’ give permission to fade into oblivion and cannot judge if it was “too good” or not. ‘You’ still want to rule the standards of the flesh-and-blood body Kuba after ‘your’ demise – what a tyrant! It’s none of ‘your’ business, it’s outside of ‘your’ domain. This is the very meaning of pure intent – outside of the domain of the identity, outside the human condition. And when you allow yourself to be guided by pure intent there is only joyous anticipation and gay abandon. Of course, you don’t “have to let the whole thing rip”, ever. It is in your hands and your hands alone. Just don’t be so serious about it – it messes with your mind. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Thank you Vineeto, your post was initially received on my end with a ‘sting’ (the
sting being ‘my’ emotional reaction to the facts presented), the thought of “how can I still manage to get
things so wrong”, but of course I will continue to miss the mark until I hit bullseye. It’s better to correct
course in an expedient manner rather than having to go so far down the road to realise it is a dead end. I will just
add that conversing with you has always made me think to what Richard wrote in his journal – “I am experiencing
life from the vantage point of being a totally fascinated person … and a fascinated person is someone who
can be extremely interesting to be with for those who dare”. This “for those who dare” is a key
qualifier here because there is simply no way ‘I’ could predict what you are going to say. Whatever ‘Vineeto’
exists in ‘my’ psyche is of course not the flesh and blood Vineeto that writes the post, as always originally and
completely impervious to anything that may be going on in ‘my’ reality. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, I appreciate your detailed explanation and I do experience from our correspondence that for you
(and others who dare) our conversations “can be extremely interesting” and of course many times
surprising because my “vantage point” does not match the reality you live in. Feeling being ‘Vineeto’
was so fascinated that oft times in the first few weeks ‘she’ experienced as if ‘her’ brain was being turned
upside down and ‘she’ had to relearn how to think all over again. I am immensely pleased that despite experiencing occasional ‘stings’ you nevertheless contemplate what I say to find out something which hadn’t occurred to you in order to move closer to your destiny. I am also having a lot of fun talking about my favourite topic. KUBA: I was doing a lot of driving yesterday for work and so I had plenty of time to contemplate on what was being spoken about. I can see now that to go down the route I was presenting would be for ‘me’ to try to squeeze ‘myself’ into actuality and of course take all ‘my’ serious standards along with ‘me’. So ‘I’ was the arbiter who managed to reverse the order of operations, now it is actuality that had to prove itself to ‘me’, against ‘my’ standards. I did have many fascinating flashes yesterday of the answer to this, they all had the same flavour of total release. This total release was related to the nature of what happens at self-immolation, which is specifically not only that ‘I’ cease to exist but that ‘I’ would have never actually existed in the first place. So of course trying to take any standard of ‘mine’ into actuality would be back to front, for that standard ceases to exist when ‘I’ disappear. And not only that but looking back that standard would ultimately never have made sense to begin with, as it required ‘my’ existence as a reference point. […] VINEETO: It is rather fascinating how sticky and obstinate ‘I’ can be to want to carve out some sort of an afterlife for ‘me’ when ‘I’ disappear. So that you are not disappointed later on, there may be some standards of ‘you’ anyway from a persistent social identity which you can resolve after the feeling being and the identity formed thereof has self-immolated. Apparently ‘you’, the identity, considers ‘himself’ something extraordinarily precious (whereas in fact ‘you’ are as ‘precious’ or as common as every other ‘precious’ identity). If ‘you’ really wanted to be extraordinary, ‘you’ would need to do something hardly anyone else does … but I know that this tease does not work, because one cannot ‘self’-immolate to be better than others. Hence you need to patiently bring your ‘self’ on board to want/ agree to the benefit that ‘your’ demise will deliver – oblivion, as well as a sacrifice, which makes ‘your’ life worthwhile – for the benefit of something more valuable than ‘your’ own survival. But all these very serious and philosophical, albeit passionate, deliberations can fall by the wayside when you are having so much fun being alive, being naiveté (the closest an identity can be to actual innocence), that experiencing this felicity and appreciation is way more enjoyable and preferable to any ideas of afterlife standards or fantasies of reverend tombstones ‘you’ can ever erect. KUBA: Of course ‘I’ am not meaningless in this endeavour of becoming actually free as ‘I’ am the only one who can set this body free, it is more the seeing that when ‘I’ self immolate ‘I’ become extinct, which means that any construct that ‘I’ weaved will also dissolve, it will no longer make sense as it required ‘me’ as the arbiter. So yes there was so much release in these experiences because it showed that with ‘me’ never having actually
existed in the first place nothing was ever actually wrong, the painful story of ‘my’ life is only as real as
‘I’ am, and that it is possible for all of that to become extinct in one fell swoop. VINEETO: That is indeed so – “the painful story of ‘my’ life is only as real as ‘I’ am” because all ‘your’ painful emotional memories will be wiped out and only the actual body’s memories will remain. ‘You’ are presently only concerned about the past and the future – no wonder you are so worried about the survival of ‘your’ “serious standards”. Maybe you remember what it says in the first paragraph of This Moment of Being Alive
Come out and play, there is nothing to lose but your shackles. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: I remember a correspondence on the AFT where Richard kept mentioning something like “this will make more sense once you see what money actually is”. I could never quite get this, because I always believed that money was a currency that was more efficient at trade vs. trading physical goods. But yesterday I started wondering, is “what money actually is” one of the tools that can be used to enforce (in disguise) what is essentially modern day serfdom? That for those warlords money would be an extremely effective tool to keep the peasantry working away for merely crumbs without realising just what is going on. After all if I was to hand over a weeks worth of grain for a few crumbs of bread I could not help but see the blatant exploitation, perhaps eventually leading to a revolt by the peasant masses. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, The serfdom and exploitation of the peasants existed long before the “Monetary Crimes”. I just now remembered a story ‘Vineeto’s’ then-mother read out to the young siblings and ‘her’ on a winter’s evening about peasants bringing their grain to the Landlord in exchange for other goods in return, when one bright lad figured out that the Landlord’s scales were corrupt – so that on top of the meagre exchange rate they were additionally diddled of their ‘just’ reward for their hard work. There was no happy ending to the story, the one who had the power ‘won’ the dispute. ‘Vineeto’ was about 10-yrs at the time and I remember that this injustice affected ‘her’ deeply. ‘She’ had just found out, via this realistic story, that life in the world was not just and fair. You are still correct in your thinking that “money was a currency that was more efficient
at trade vs. trading physical goods”, while your thinking about going back to exchanging grain for other
goods is highly unpractical and certainly not a viable solution for the massive monetary corruption, just like a “revolt
by the peasant masses” is not a solution either. You can work this out for yourself when you acquaint
yourself with some of the history of peasant revolts. The minor revolts were squashed by those who owned the guns, and
mass revolutions, many of them in the name of ‘communist’ revolutions all turned into dictatorships with atrocious
bloodshed by the new rulers. Here is the number of people being killed by their own governments I tried to access the link Richard gave for the book of Alexander de Mar, A History Of Monetary
Crimes 1899-1983 but it had expired. Here is a current link It is certainly a fascinating read and I remember when Richard first told me about the book 10 years ago. Here is a short quote –
Richard’s comments on the book and money-matters and the peasant mentality in general are as
relevant today as they were then KUBA: Where it seems to really get weird is that the values which
eventually spring up from this system are designed to perpetuate the exploitation and yet the peasants learn to love
and fight for… To even die for those very values, to sacrifice themselves and others for ‘freedom’ or for
equality etc. VINEETO: Yes indeed, that is the very sickness of the human condition. Again, descriptions such as ‘Stockholm syndrome’ or ‘Oslo Syndrome’ come to mind while it can also be called the tragedy of hope. And yet loyalty and belonging are the predominant passionate factors. Richard said to ‘Vineeto’ several times – “the human condition is very weird and the process of getting out of it can be equally weird at times.” In short, as long as the peasant mentality exists, there will be peasants/ wage-slaves / social climbers and their insanely rich puppet masters and anything in-between. I found it very helpful to fully understand how the system of exploitation works in order to fully recognize that, just like ‘me’ the identity, it is too rotten to improve or revamp, for a lasting solution, it needs to disappear out of the human psyche in all its manifestations. What is needed is a bloodless revolution by implementing the Third Alternative. There is no other way. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: It looks that something has shifted although I don’t have the specifics worked out yet. But before it was that I explored the various beliefs that constituted ‘my’ social identity and worked through them one by one. But there was this whole other angle that I never saw, which was the peasant mentality and the exploitation inherent in it. This is what clicked it seems, and it has provided this surety and this inability to take any of those values seriously anymore. I am fascinated to see what is still left of it, but for now it is like the last legs that this thing was standing on have been kicked out. Because there were already some significant dents in the construct of ‘my’ social identity and now I discovered that this entire system has no redeeming features whatsoever and it seems I just stepped out of it, as in I quit playing that game even though I still show up to work etc. It seems that his thread that was pulled out just keeps going, for those values
from the social identity / peasant mentality would trickle-down even into my table manners or how I relate with the
shopkeeper. It is such an incredible freedom, it’s unbelievable that this is possible whilst still remaining a ‘self’. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, This is excellent news and demonstrates just how important it is to be aware of and understand the mechanisms of peasant mentality. And, as Richard emphasized, you don’t have to change society –
Another point to remember is when you talk about the “exploitation inherent in it” –
KUBA: I was driving with my brother to visit our dad yesterday and we got onto talking about that very exploitative system. He mentioned that something like a universal basic income would be a good thing however if this happened people would descend into depression with nothing to do. VINEETO: Before you go further into theorising about your brother’s guess what might happen, you can find out some facts of what did happen with small preliminary pilot-projects experimenting with temporary “universal basic income” in various geographical areas – (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Universal_basic_income_pilots). Surprising for many the outcome is not at all as anticipated. A quick search for “universal income experiment” “UBI experiments? Financial relief: UBI can provide immediate financial relief, allowing recipients to meet basic needs and support others. Flexibility: UBI can give recipients more flexibility and autonomy. Health: UBI may reduce the likelihood of being sick, improve food security, and increase money spent on health care. Employment: UBI may not increase or decrease employment rates. Life satisfaction: UBI may increase life satisfaction and well-being.” (Sam Altman, McKinsey, Wikipedia) KUBA: I found this interesting because the only reason people would “fall into a depression” is because their entire sense of identity has been constructed specifically to forever feed back into society. All ‘my’ feelings of being a valued group member are predicated upon doing specifically this. So yes as people currently are they would fall into a depression, but this is not set in stone. Of course the ‘me’ that only knows ‘himself’ as a group member will fall into a depression when ‘he’ can no longer score points within the group. But this isn’t the fate of humankind forever, we are not stuck like this. That entire edifice of beliefs, values, responsibilities, obligations etc can come crumbling down, then I no longer need to score points within the group in order to feel valued. Then I can take full due of the benefits that the modern way of living provides without descending into a depression. VINEETO: The outcome of a permanent ‘UBI’ may be different should it ever be instituted permanently but, given that the basic income so far only provides for low-grade living expenses and not additional ‘luxury’ items, many of the “beliefs, values, responsibilities, obligations” would still be operating as before and people would use their talents, skills and creativity to obtain those ‘luxury items’. It also would not automatically do away with “scoring points”, i.e. competition. KUBA: How twisted is it that the ‘meaning of life’ is apparently in forever having to ‘earn my worth’, that ‘my’ very meaning is to forever feed into society, so much so that ‘I’ would reject leisure and freedom and continue living as if a peasant instead. It was fascinating to observe the gridlock in my brother, that he just couldn’t quite allow
that life could be perfect without any of those values that come from society. I pointed to the example of our half
brother who is still young. That we both observed him having the time of his life whilst doing nothing ‘productive’
at all. There was no “descent into depression” at all, instead there was delight, intimacy, enjoyment and
naiveté. VINEETO: Ha, you brother’s “gridlock” might increase when you tell him that people don’t necessarily fall into depression with a small permanent income. It also speaks volumes what hold your own conditioning has had on you (as it had on ‘Vineeto’), wrestling with the typical Western work-ethic of ‘earning one’s worth’, and ‘justifying one’s existence’, ‘have I done anything useful today?’ on this bountiful planet earth on which we already live. One of the most common resentments in response to this imbibed pressure is the sulkingly felt disgruntlement of ‘I didn’t ask to be born’ (so why should I justify my existence?). It is wonderful to be free of all of this! There is no responsibility in the actual world.
Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: I remember when I was 18 and on a trip in Paris with my friends doing parkour. The best parkour spots were in the “roughest” parts of Paris and so we were hanging out at night time in ghettos. One night a man approached me and pointed a gun at me, and said “phone and wallet”. I always remember this because there was no fear and neither was there any theorising about any social/power dynamics happening. Rather there was a recognition that whatever ‘power’ he had was simply in the gun pointed at me, it made complete sense to calmly give over my belongings. VINEETO: I had to look up “doing parkour” and when I saw the picture I remember seeing several videos where a group of young people perform this amazing art/ sport. I am still in wonder about the skill and strength required to do it without getting badly hurt! KUBA: I write this because as I see it now this system that has been in place is fundamentally of the same kind. The fundamental fact of it all is that the peasant simply had no means to fight against that which was being forced onto them. In the same way seeing the big picture I realise that just as then I handed over my belongings (as that was the sensible course of action) now I simply operate within / pay lip service to this exploitative system without any feelings of disenfranchisement or rebellion. It seems what happens in the world at large is that once this system solidifies people then forget the roots of it all, they can then kid themselves and come up with many fancy ideologies, to demand “my rights” etc, essentially to imagine that the situation is anything other than robbery at gunpoint haha. I did not suffer back then when I was robbed and neither do I suffer now seeing the whole
picture, rather I am freed to act sensibly. On the other hand I am not inspired by any ideology to act as if the
situation is different to what it is. As always there is such a freedom in seeing the fact. VINEETO: Thank you for this perspective, it explains why ‘Vineeto’ did not recognize the peasant mentality and even after becoming actually free I took some time after Richard talked about it to wrap my mind around it. One just accepts the situation one is born into because ‘it has always been like this’. But once seen and understood, as you say, “there is such an amazing freedom in seeing the fact”. It also makes it even more amazing that Richard worked it all out while ‘he’ was still a feeling being. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: I had to look up “doing parkour” and when I saw the picture I remember seeing several videos where a group of young people perform this amazing art/ sport. I am still in wonder about the skill and strength required to do it without getting badly hurt! KUBA: Yes you can see what I used to get up to here – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6uiaXoZ9mc. It was an amazing way to spend my teen years, very little seriousness and so much fun and adventure! And yes it is incredible how agile and strong the body can get, in that in about 7 years of doing this I only came out with a small fracture in my foot. There were many falls etc but the body does become like a cat. It was interesting having these experiences because a lot of it set the scene for what I discovered later with actualism. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Thank you for the videos, they are miraculous – I am glad you are still alive! And I am also pleased that it is not a necessary prerequisite for taking up actualism, even though I can see how you benefited … and also how the term “high achiever” has described the past ‘you’ very well. KUBA: Interestingly enough doing the most dangerous jumps was all about ‘me’ agreeing NOT to get passionately involved, this is when the greatest precision was accomplished. And I specifically remember many times that very bad falls did happen ‘I’ was nowhere to be found in the response, rather it was as if time slowed down and the body reacted with such amazing precision. VINEETO: It is intriguing that you needed to agree “NOT to get passionately involved” to be able to succeed. “‘I’ was nowhere to be found in the response” – that is the report I read from various accidents as well. It is an automatic reaction of the brain for (extreme) emergencies – everything unnecessary shuts down for a period of time, including nerve signals for pain and the ‘self’ in order to ensure physical survival. KUBA: Also the way that it is possible to do all this and not get hurt is by developing confidence, in that I would repeat the same jump on ground level until I had the utter confidence that the same outcome would happen over a height. It was not a case of believing that I could make it, I knew that I could make it and furthermore I knew of all the possible “back up plans” was I to fail. This is why it was not actually dangerous in the end, because I developed a razor sharp ability to asses actual risk. VINEETO: It reminds me of Richard’s report that doing painting and pottery he first had to meticulously learn the skills before it happened that the painting painted itself/ the pots formed themselves. KUBA: Here is an example of a “bad fall” that somehow
ended in no injury at all haha –
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=di_m2bag1xo. VINEETO: Ouch! Thank you again for a fascinating report. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: It clicked then that the only thing ‘wrong’ in any of
these events was ‘my’ emotional reaction, that fumbling or not that meeting with the official could have been an
utterly amicable situation for everyone concerned. That when I was demonstrating the technique and “something
went wrong”, it was ‘my’ emotional reaction that was the something. I saw that many times in my life I
experienced mistakes and errors whilst feeling felicitous and innocuous and somehow nothing was going wrong (in an
ultimate sense). This is when it clicked, it made me think of what Richard wrote that the perfection and purity of
the actual world has no need for precautions, it is an organic perfection and purity, not a manufactured one. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, You might like those examples – Richard just said “oops” when he made a mistake, no big deal –
And this one (my favourite) –
Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: As Richard explained, ‘Vineeto’ “had shifted ‘her’ familially-inculcated and societally-instilled allegiance to ‘the system’ at large over onto the spiritual commune” and therefore had no issue with real-world peasant-mentality topics such as career, status, wealth and ‘disguised slavery’ except those applicable in the commune. For instance, the ‘slavery’ consisted of doing work without pay in order to belong to a slightly more privileged ‘inner’ circle. KUBA: I was going to write this exactly that these ‘counter
culture’ values can end up working in the same way as spiritual values in that they are very slimy to get hold of.
They appear to offer an escape from the grind and yet it is all the same game under a different guise. Which does
make it that much harder to expose. And this has been the case exactly with me, that it was so obvious for me to
release those values as they applied to working a career etc and yet those same values would leave me restless unless
I was constantly progressing in my “alternate endeavours”. The hierarchy, the power, the recognition, the
belonging etc it was all there but hidden. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Ha, you are so right. I remember when Richard in an early conversation in 1998 said that he could drive buses through the large holes in any religion/ spirituality, ‘Vineeto’ was flabbergasted as ‘she’ could not see any hole in any of their/ ‘her’ spiritual beliefs. ‘She’ had swallowed Eastern mysticism hook, line and sinker thanks to the powerful seductive atmosphere of divine love and compassion in the commune. People who haven’t experienced it personally usually don’t comprehend the power of these psychic vibes emanating from an enlightened ‘being’ and just deem followers as silly, while not recognizing their own entrapment. If ‘Vineeto’ had noticed any structure and/or hierarchy of values and principles, for instance privileges for those with a lot of money, it was ok, because the goal was ‘good’. Hence dismantling it all took a while and questioning loyalty at the start made it a lot easier. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO to Scout: It is also important to keep in mind that you cannot become free from
being in a PCE, nor by the ‘self’ “evaporating” in PCEs, but by naively enjoying and appreciating being
alive, so much so that you become naiveté itself and give up the controls. Then one is able to make a
once-in-a-lifetime deliberate and conscious decision to willingly and irremunerably ‘self’-immolate in toto. The
doorway to an actual freedom has the word ‘extinction’ written on it, which can only happen while ‘I’ and ‘me’
are not in abeyance. KUBA: When I read this advice it stood out to me so clearly that this is exactly what I need to do now – “naively enjoying and appreciating being alive, so much so that you become naiveté itself and give up the controls. Then one is able to make a once-in-a-lifetime deliberate and conscious decision to willingly and irremunerably ‘self’-immolate in toto.” VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Excellent. You have done everything else you could possibly think of – hence this is the last ‘activity’ left to ‘you’. You have already seen through power, pride, being ‘perfect’ as ‘me’, ‘after-life’ standards and even humanity itself, so there is nothing else which could distract you from “naively enjoying and appreciating being alive, so much so that you become naiveté itself” all the way to actual innocence. KUBA: Vineeto also wrote to me:
Contemplating self-immolation before had this exact flavour, passionate and serious deliberations. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t sincere but there was something in that energy that prevented a gay abandon. That even when the possibility to self-immolate presented itself ‘I’ bailed out with the “too good to be true”. The ‘weight’ of this passionate and serious energy somehow kept ‘me’ in place. This advice to “become naiveté itself” has been gently working away and of course it is key that ‘I’
do not make this into a serious business all over again! Indeed “‘being’ naiveté itself” is the
closest ‘I’ can come to actual innocence. This is the answer I was looking for (in the wrong direction) when I
was considering attaining “higher
standards”. There is a certain flavour that comes to the fore when ‘I’ am ‘being’ naiveté itself, it is a festive/magical flavour, It is exactly like being a kid in a world of wonder. I think in the past I ascribed these experiences to actuality but they are not, because I remember the PCE a few weeks back where it was apperceived that time has no duration, that world of the PCE was a completely different world, as if a different dimension that ‘I’ have absolutely no access to. Of course ‘I’ cannot take any standards of ‘mine’ over there, the gap is impossible to cross for ‘me’ or any of ‘my’ belongings. And I can see clearer now that ‘I’ never cross that gap, attempting to do this would get very serious very soon,
rather ‘I’ can ‘be’ naiveté itself and go into gay abandon – then the magic can unfold… VINEETO: This is wonderful to read. Once it really sinks in that you cannot take anything of ‘you’ with you into the actual world, that in fact you wouldn’t want to take anything ‘dirty’ with you even if it was possible, then there is nothing which holds ‘you’ here in the real world. Nothing. No yesterday and no tomorrow. Then you do “stand naked before infinitude” and that is inconceivable, miraculous, amazing, wondrous, immense. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: Exactly. You said it in your next post –
You certainly rediscovered the magical fairytale-like world when ‘being naiveté’ which Richard has been describing, from where the transition to your destiny is “highly possible” –
KUBA: It seems when ‘being’ naiveté itself there is something like “intimations of
actuality”, as in that magical/fairytale like flavour It makes sense now what Richard said about the application
of the method eventually requiring the words “betterer”, that ‘I’ could have something so incredible
whilst still remaining ‘me’. VINEETO: I couldn’t find the word “betterer” but it fits. There is indeed “nothing
painful or serious” (ha, what gave you that idea in the first place?) – on the contrary, it is the best
time of ‘your’ life … until it gets “bester” Cheers Vineeto ♫♪ ♫ ♪
KUBA: It is very clear lately that the way forward is for ‘me’ to go into gay abandon, that this is the last direction ‘I’ go into, as it will be a one way ticket. Most of the time ‘I’ am teeter-tottering right on the edge of this. At times there is some degree of control, it is ‘me’ living ‘my’ life, from this vantage point there is still a way back to some semblance of ‘normality’. Then there is the other direction where ‘I’ release whatever remnant controls and go into gay abandon. It is very clear at this point that the universe does not force anyone to become actually free, it is at the end of the day a personal choice as to which way I travel. It does take some mettle to proceed in this direction however, not that it is difficult or unpleasant in any way but more so because it is so different. What a hard sell that is, to go irrevocably into a fairytale-like world. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Yes, it is utterly amazing what hold ‘humanity’ and its stringent taboos have on each and everyone. KUBA: But looking back now this is the same “force” that I experienced throughout the whole journey with actualism, it is this weird and perverse attachment to the ‘known’. This “force” is why actualism is ‘difficult’, in that ‘I’ will intuitively drift towards that which is already known, no matter how terrible this ‘known’ is and will experience anything outside of it as utterly dangerous. So looking back now all the plateaus that I have experienced were periods where I was making up my mind as to whether I am ready for more. The choice to proceed was always available but ‘I’ would hang back and come up with “issues to solve” whilst ‘I’ was making up ‘my’ mind. Here ‘I’ am doing exactly this. It is the weirdest of things though, that going towards a world of enjoyment and appreciation only is taboo, there is this deep aspect of ‘me’ which feels this is simply not allowed. ‘I’ will engage in the most impressive gymnastics to find some reason as to why this shouldn’t happen and yet at this point it is all for naught because ‘I’ know what ‘I’ have already begun. Right now I can’t even put a name to the objection, rather it is as if the entire force of ‘my’ being says it is dangerous and therefore not allowed. VINEETO: I remember when ‘Vineeto’ experientially discovered what it means that ‘I’ am humanity and humanity is ‘me’.
Part of Richard’s reply –
This was the beginning of several experiences of universal sorrow and its pacifier compassion
which segued into a deep passion for peace-on-earth for everyone and became ‘Vineeto’s’ springboard into actual
freedom via “a caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster”. KUBA: It is the fear of irrevocability! It’s like I am cleaning out the house and there are these old dirty shoes that I haven’t worn in 5 years and yet I cannot bring myself to put them in the bin, because “what if”? What if they are one day needed, what if there is some potentiality that I haven’t prepared for or accounted for. There is a mountain of reasons as to why these shoes need to go and not a single good reason for
why they should be kept, but it is the fear of irrevocability, once it happens it is done. Then what if I wanted to
go back? there would be nothing to go back to.
VINEETO: Well, well, I didn’t know you were so conservative, in the literal meaning of the word! Have you heard from any basically free actualists who you know of, who wanted to go back to the real world after becoming free? Here is one example – Geoffrey when asked in jest once in a video chat, said if he found himself back in the real world he would come straight out again immediately. Now that your ponderings about irrevocability have progressed further, I see from your next post that you already discovered the solution for yourself –
KUBA: I was contemplating on this very thing yesterday, on just how huge of a shift it would be and it is clear that ‘I’ could never do it. The good news is that ‘I’ do not do it anyways, ‘I’ only set down the path of no return, in gay abandon. It is the universe that does it, ‘I’ am not capable of changing something so fundamentally, of doing something that big. So ‘I’ do not have to try, because ‘I’ would tie ‘myself’ up in knots and still not
succeed. ‘I’ can have the utter confidence in the ultimate beneficence of the universe and go into gay abandon,
then it can happen but ‘I’ do not do it. VINEETO: Indeed, and it is only when this “utter confidence” (i.e. pure intent) is lost that those doubts and objections can surface and keep your mind busy … until you remember “gay abandon”. Here is something to look forward to – an actual intimacy –
Cheers Vineeto
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