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(List D refers to Richard’s List D
Vineeto’s Selected Correspondence Actualism Method
ED: When you told me that I’m more than just a feeler, I’m also a thinker and senser, it caused me to take note of thought and how it had been crippled by self-imposed boundaries. I gave myself full permission to use it. (Again, with an actualist’s intent.) VINEETO: When I looked through our previous correspondences, I am not clear what you are referring to? I found this quote
containing the words “feeler” and “thinker” from 7 April 2025 ED: Apologies to cause the needless looking: You said this to me on the last day I visited as I was leaving. Perhaps not best to recount an exchange that cannot be referenced so please let me know if this is a misrepresentation and I can amend my post. VINEETO: Hi Ed, Thank you for a bit more context. What I might have said is that when there are no feelings or emotions occurring then thoughts are clearer and sensuousness can come to the fore – and I could have phrased it badly in trying to compact it into one sentence. In any case, I recommend taking your information regarding actualism from the written word rather than obscure or even distorted memories from what was said several years ago. Here I came across a short and brilliantly explanatory quote from Richard which gives you a guide when and why you would want to minimise both the ‘bad’ feelings as well as the ‘good’ feelings without turning the very method into an identity of its own –
You can stick it on your fridge, if you like, to remind you that purposelessly ruminating about this or that feeling for the sake of it is a waste of time when you could be maximising the felicitous/ innocuous feelings instead. * VINEETO: Remember, that one’s thinking is both polluted and crippled by one’s feelings, and as such it is far more productive to first get back to feeling good so that thinking does not merely revolve around those feelings, “fantasies or fears”. You might find that when you are feeling good, and more so when you enjoy and appreciate being alive, there are no fantasies at all to distract you from being here. ED: Yes, when feeling good fantasies or fears (fearful fantasies) do not arise. As far as I can tell such imaginations are triggered by a good feeling or a bad feeling. Once I become aware that I’ve wandered off into imagination, I’ve noticed I can interrupt it with some thinking about what it is that I am presently involved in doing – i.e. imagining being somewhere/ somewhen else. “Ah, I’m thinking about such-and-such fantasy again…” “Where did this train of thought begin / what feeling is involved/ what triggered off that feeling?” “This is similar to this other fantasy/fear I recall, I notice a pattern.” “Is this how I want to spend my time when I could be feeling good or perhaps even having a PCE instead?” Usually these events occur when I’m alone with nothing in particular to do. So if I’m going to think about anything, why not think about what’s behind it all and where/when it all started? I’ll do this for a bit and then move onto whatever it is that I am already doing anyway. Then later in the day I think about the event again in a similar fashion. There was one that occurred today and it started due to a good feeling triggered upon receiving some news. I was swept away for approximately 3-5 minutes until I noticed what I was doing and that feeling good had be usurped by good feelings of mild euphoria. I suppose when you notice such a thing, how could you not think about it? VINEETO: The question is how you think about it. Is it in a ruminating way (see
Kuba’s post 5 June 2026 * VINEETO: ... and more so when you enjoy and appreciate being alive… ED: I think I am having a fine time at feeling good/ getting back to feeling good, but I could be doing better in regards to up leveling it to enjoying and appreciating being alive. I haven’t quite cracked the code to be able to access that reliably. Currently, enjoying and appreciating being alive is an exception as opposed to the norm. When I think back on today, there were a handful of interruptions to feeling good, with one major 5-20 minute period into feeling
bad. So there is obviously room to raise the bar and extend the periods that I am capable of feeling good. I’ll investigate these interruptions and
what caused them, where I was, etc. Many were small things but the 5-20 minute period has to do with a persistent pattern of worrying / feeling
overwhelmed by future tasks. VINEETO: Unless you remove the cause of what interrupted your feeling good period by dissolving the accompanying concept/ pattern of the diminishment of it, it will happen again and again. To give you a simile: a fuse blows in your electric system and stops those appliances to work which are on the same circuit. You replace the fuse and they work again. But unless you find out which particular appliance has the electric fault which caused the fuse to blow in the first place, and then properly fix that (or remove it whatever the case may be), the fuse will blow again the next time you use the faulty appliance. Actualism is down-to-earth, very practical, in the same way. Cheers Vineeto
LEILA to Ed: I wished I had waited till I come back to feeling good, then write that post, I did
this again! Now I regret and sad about it … VINEETO: Hi Leila, There is a famous poem from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow – a revered American poet and educator (1807-1882) – called “A Psalm of Life”, and many schoolchildren had to learn it by heart – it summarizes and represents a quasi-religious depiction of what life is in the real world. Here are just three stanzas –
It seems you have inadvertently transferred this near-ubiquitous paradigm of life-in-the-real-world to what you read of actualism and turned it into a real-world chore with a moral score, adding more blame and sorrow to the misery you already experience. Let me make it simple with a piece of writing from Richard, which I quoted to Ed only yesterday –
Whenever this is not your purpose then using “Richard’s method” is a waste of time at best and counterproductive to your well-being to boot, so you might as well desist and decline applying it as a moral code, relax and have one set of morality less with which to beat yourself up. * As for sorting out facts from fiction – if you are indeed doing something akin to the BRAT diet as Ed supposed
You surely can find more detailed information and then sort out the facts when you put your mind to it. Cheers Vineeto
DJ: Hi Vineeto, thanks for your reply. Yes I do have practical hands-on experience in applying the method, and have had some success with examining and dispelling beliefs and their corresponding emotional responses over the years. I am not armchair philosophising in a vacuum, I’m attempting to look at the hold outs I have as an identity. VINEETO: (…) DJ: The hopes and dreams I was referring to in my original post were the kind of hopes and dreams referenced in your “how to investigate feelings” article – those relating to things like material success in life, finding the perfect partner etc. The circular pattern I was referring to was that of me as an identity fearing for example, not getting what “I” want, as it pertains to real world goals / dreams… and as a result being wary of letting go of those hopes and dreams for fear of them not happening the way that “I” want – and not being able to fully reconcile that by letting go of them, the future “me” won’t care whether they are realised or not. VINEETO: Hi Dj, Thank you for the clarifications. I don’t really see a problem – if you are “wary of letting go of those hopes and dreams”, then don’t let go of them, keep them. You will find out in the process of your pursuit of “material success in life, finding the perfect partner” what happens. Being in hypothetical fear of a hypothetical future, which may or may not happen as you imagine, is a sheer waste of time. * VINEETO: If your ‘contemplation’ (meaning: “deep, reflective thought or focused observation”) has only resulted in projecting “an empty dreary future, devoid of colour”, thereby demonstrating your obvious and ongoing ignorement/ ignoration of Richard’s descriptions of being actually free on The Actual Freedom Trust website, then your “defence mechanism of the identity” is presently so powerful that you are unable to even establish a sensible Prima Facie Case for an actual freedom from the human condition by reading with at least one eye open, if not both eyes open – (…) DJ: I have accepted the prima facie case as being valid. Nowhere have I dismissed the method or the goal of actualism as not valid. The empty dreary future was just something my mind projected out seemingly reflexively, and while I know feelings are not facts, I clearly have some work to do in examining that further. I wouldn’t say I have an “iron clad case” for distrusting the actual world – it’s just a fear that came up. VINEETO: So you are saying that the “empty dreary future” was a projected future as a feeling ‘being’ after having somehow banished the “hopes and dreams”? It sounds as if you are in dire need to re-read the ‘instruction manual’ – This Moment of Being Alive The use of the actualism method has also been discussed here on the forum (see Actualvineeto-SC/Actualism
Method If, as you say, it was only “just a fear that came up”, then what is preventing you from feeling good right now? And before you contemplate about what you determine to be the trigger for a diminishment in feeling good, first get back to feeling good.
DJ: Maybe a better question would be, in lieu of not having had a PCE that I can remember, how
can I rememorate one – was there something that Richard did specifically that allowed him to help others to access their experiences? VINEETO: Try this link (Sundry, FAQ, No. 64 “How Do I Induce a PCE?” Cheers Vineeto
ADAM-H: I realized I’ve been going in circles a bit recently, treading over ground I’ve previously covered. VINEETO: Hi Adam, A good realisation. I remember you had a realisation that may be related in February this year –
When you keep these realisations in mind it enables you to actualise them. Once getting into the habit of acting on them “it operates spontaneously each moment again” – (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 27e, 3 April 2003).
And another one from the same collection –
ADAM-H: I’ve had periods where it made sense to me that I could be happy and harmless, and that this would automatically lead in the direction of letting go of the controls, and that it was safe to do so because I had confidence in how I would handle the world and the people around me. I started doubting this at some point, it started seeming again like I was choosing between safety and security (mostly in terms of job/ financial stability) vs. happiness and harmlessness. I’m trying to really drill into this since it is almost always some variation of this worry that pulls me out of being happy and harmless. VINEETO: It may be well too early to contemplate letting go of the controls until feeling good becomes your default modus operandi. Then you can uplevel to being non-conditionally happy and harmless. Otherwise, as it happened you end up having another topic to be doubting and worry about (“in terms of job/ financial stability”). This is what Richard says in regards to unconditional enjoyment of being alive –
And, explaining this quote further –
* ADAM-H: As so often I’ve gotten into a logical argument with myself where the two sides of me
are trying to prove/ disprove that it’s safe to be happy and harmless. Tracing back through my correspondence in this journal it seems like what has
worked before is ceasing the intellectual arguments and rememorating a naive moment, where I was able to be happy and harmless without knowing for
sure that everything would ‘work out’. So at least for a bit, that’s what I’m going to try getting back to. VINEETO: That is a splendid idea. It always works out differently in practice and experientially, where the third alternative to your self-created dichotomy of ‘good’ and ‘bad’, ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ as well as ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’ can come into play. It can only be grasped when you are naïve enough to try out something new, and therefore seemingly ‘unsafe’. Yes, when being happy and harmless is your default state, then you can rememorate “a naïve moment” and eventually recognize, and have it confirmed repeatedly, that everything is working fine without ‘your’, the controller’s input. [Emphasis added].  (Richard, List B James2, 6 June 2001).
Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: Could it be that the desire to be “somebody important” is mixed in with the worry for safety and financial stability? I am asking because when you are feeling good why would that interfere with “job/ financial stability”? However, if you want to be somebody important and climb the social ladder then you might have a reason to be in conflict with your superior or co-workers. ADAM-H: I’ve been considering this. I think you are on the right track to question whether it’s really just about safety/ security, but it’s also not exactly about being someone important right now. It feels a bit more like a resentment towards the environment of my work, where nothing is as it seems and everyone (including me) is scheming with their own personal angle. Being naïve, straightforward, happy and harmless in this environment feels like bringing a knife to a gunfight. It seems like everyone is misrepresenting the work they are doing and the level of expertise they have, and it feels like doing the same puts me at odds with being happy and harmless. I’m resentful that it is this way and I resent other people essentially doing the same thing I am doing. VINEETO: Hi Adam, Ha, the way you describe it, being “someone important” is out of the question because you can’t even find your footing in this environment which is supposedly about your “safety/ security”. ADAM-H: Is it just a case of needing some ‘nerves of steel’ to make unilateral change, be happy and harmless, let the chips fall where they may? VINEETO: I see you are still deep into worrying, as if that gives your life the meaning you are looking for. I found a conversation we had in April this year which is still applicable –
If it worked before, why not now? You don’t need “nerves of steel” to get back to feeling good, do you? Moreover, you don’t need to make your ‘self’ perfect, even if everyone else is hypocritically doing that. Your aim is to be happy and harmless, i.e. to channel all the affective energy into the least ‘self’-enhancing feelings so that you can even more enjoy and appreciate being here. The already existing actual world is already perfect, as is your flesh-and-blood body (without the alien entity stuffing it up). You only need to get out of way – whenever you notice you are in the way of the already existing perfection – and enjoy being here. Knowing this you do not have to follow all the bad examples others are giving you and/or competing with them for supremacy – it is plain silly. ADAM-H: In terms of my “modes of failure” way of thinking about it, I’m definitely more on
the “won’t” side than the “can’t” side. It does seem totally possible, but I am scared to do it because I don’t know if it will work
out. But talking through it, it does seem like it’s eventually going to be what I need to do. VINEETO: Ok, knowing that fear is preventing you from getting back to being happy and harmless – your life’s aim – then you can cast it aside, decline going down that futile alley, including all the worries you create out of that fear – and get on with feeling good and enjoying being here. It’s just a matter when you realize that enough worry and fear is enough because it doesn’t lead anywhere. In the end nobody is stopping you but yourself. Cheers Vineeto
ADAM-H: Thanks for the response Vineeto, I’m being very persistent with this, because I’m hoping that I can find a more consistently repeatable way of getting back to feeling good. Usually I can get back to feeling good, but sometimes I still get stuck into a worry that I only get out of via waiting it out, sleeping it off, or getting distracted somehow. I think that’s where I am now, I’m not really worrying anymore, but it’s really only because enough time passed and the feeling ran out of juice. VINEETO: Hi Adam, That’s the usual way to deal with unpleasant feelings – “via waiting it out, sleeping it off, or getting distracted somehow”. But as you say, it’s not reliable and certainly is wasting a lot of time which you could spend enjoying and appreciating. * VINEETO: If you need to ‘will’ yourself to enjoying life then you have probably taken on an ‘actualist morality’ that you should be enjoying instead of worrying, and therefore need to power yourself up with “nerves of steel” to “drop the objections”. This is splitting yourself into two, and the two aspects are fighting against each other. Whereas when you can see how silly it is to worry – because worrying does nothing whatsoever to get an event changed, worrying only makes the situation look more complicated it is – then you can quickly go back to feeling good and look at the situation in a more confident and unemotional way. ADAM-H: The place where I got stuck with this last round of worrying was that I could intellectually see the silliness of worrying but it was still present. Attempts to ‘feel’ the silliness did seem to take a more forceful will so didn’t really get anywhere. Trying to recognize that ‘I am my feelings’ and it was my choice how to feel and simply decline to keep feeling bad also felt like forcing. VINEETO: Generally, it’s a matter of employing your intelligence to see the silliness of feeling bad once you notice that there is a diminishment in feeling good. Then first you get back to feeling good before you look at what triggered it. Did you take note that I pointed to a possible ‘actualist morality’ which has the result of two aspects of ‘you’ fighting against each other? Any ‘investigation’ when in the grip of contaminating emotions is fruitless, hence getting back to feeling good first is paramount. Here are the two extra footnotes next to the word “silliness” in the description of the actualism
method
(Richard,
Actual Freedom List, No. 71, 15 July 2004).
* Respondent: How does the mere seeing how silly it is make us happy once again? Richard: Because nothing, absolutely nothing, is worth getting malicious or miserable about (let alone compensatingly
loving and compassionate) when the realisation that this moment is the only one there ever is becomes the actuality it already always is. And here is a third footnote at the end of that paragraph – “Once the specific moment of ceasing to feel good is pin-pointed, and the silliness of having such an incident as that (no matter what it is) take away one’s enjoyment and appreciation of this only moment of being alive is seen for what it is” –
Chrono posted a field-tested pro-tip only four days ago (did you see it?) –
When you get back to feeling good – with the benefit to be able to think more clearly – you can then look at what triggered the recent period of worry. For instance – as a line of investigation – here is what you wrote eight days ago –
What stands out is you were surmising that when you are successfully feeling good “this would automatically lead in the direction of letting go of the controls” with a reaction of doubt (and fear) regarding your “safety and security (mostly in terms of job/financial stability)”. As such it would appear that feeling worried on an ongoing basis is deemed safer to ‘you’ than being happy and harmless. The trouble with having an intellectual/ imaginary plan drawn from descriptions of other actualists shortly before the pivotal event occurred without being fully informed. “Letting go of the controls” only happens when one has gained sufficient experiential insight and confidence by being unconditionally happy and harmless for most of the day, i.e. having levelled up one’s baseline from feeling good to feeling happy and harmless to being naïve and feeling excellent on a daily basis. Based on such personal experience one day one can accede that the ‘controller’ is no longer required. It will happen neither “automatically” nor inadvertently, and certainly only via the dynamically enabled pure intent which pulls you forward to go all the way. Hence your presuming of “this would automatically lead in the direction of” is pure conjecture at this point. ADAM-H: Attempts to investigate the feeling in order to ‘organically’ recognize the silliness didn’t seem to work because I was just going in circles, due to being in the grip of worry none of that investigation led anywhere. It just seemed like nothing I could do, no direction I could go in was really lessening the worry. I understand both from
experience and reading that when there is a heartfelt genuine recognition of the silliness/futility of worry that I get back to feeling good without
forcing and without effort. I don’t think I understand how to repeatably/ consistently induce that heartfelt recognition, instead I find that
sometimes I can get there and sometimes I can’t. VINEETO: Richard generally suggests to see the silliness (as a matter of common sense). When I searched the website
I found he used the expression “to feel the silliness” only once, when James reported he had no success in seeing the silliness
I don’t advise to “repeatably/ consistently induce that heartfelt recognition” because Richard only suggested “to feel the silliness of feeling bad” “at this point”, as a one-off measure, so to speak, when point (1) and (2) below prevent one from getting back to feeling good. It’s only when intelligence is temporarily so impaired by strong feelings that one cannot grasp the common sense of seeing the silliness of feeling bad that he suggested “to feel the silliness of feeling bad”. Viz.:
Feeling being ‘Vineeto’ sometimes exaggerated a bad feeling until it felt so obviously ridiculous to continue to be that way. However, as you observed in previous posts, it is ultimately a matter of intent – do I want to be happy and harmless or
not? Do I want to be a friend to myself – “actually want what’s best for yourself, meaning you won’t let yourself ruin your own day”? Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: The other thing which has been going on recently is that I am finally getting into the habit of feeling good come what may. It’s like the first few years of my involvement with actualism I did a lot of intellectualisation without much action, then the past couple of years was a period of pedal to the metal aiming for either out from control or actual freedom. But in all those years I ignored the meat and potatoes of the actualism method. Richard said nothing can be swept under the rug, indeed not, especially when it is the thing which the actualism method is all about. And it is working in a very simple way, to borrow Geoffrey’s metaphor – I am walking down the wide and wondrous path where the sun is shining and the birds are signing, and all is well. Then all of a sudden I notice I took a couple of steps off the path and towards the woods nearby, and noticing this I simply decline, and sure enough I am back on the path. And the more I do this the less I am prone to wander off. And when I think about why I didn’t/ couldn’t do this in the past it seems it is because I wanted/ needed to go into those woods again and again, to finally be completely certain that there is nothing of interest to be found there. Now when I notice that I took a step or two off the path and I see where I am going, it is so clear that it is towards a place which I have been to countless times, and nothing fruitful ever came of it, so I decline. And that ‘place in the woods’, these are habits which (as Richard said) have simply been given reign countless of times in a lifetime, and now the habit can be broken, by not taking a single step down that path again and instead getting back to where the sun is shining and the birds are singing. 
VINEETO: Hi Kuba, It’s great that your awareness is so fine-tuned now that you notice earlier and earlier when you have wandered off the path, so to speak and can – “with knowledge aforethought – sensibly decline to futilely go down that well-trodden path to nowhere fruitful yet again”. You are probably aware that there is more to be able to stay on the wide and wondrous path, because sometimes certain feelings are so persistent that declining would amount to suppression and further investigation is required. As you said to Leila –
Last time we talked about investigation you discovered that what you had done was “rumination” Most feelings which arise are more than habits, after all, feelings and emotions are rooted in the instinctual survival passions and sometimes have to be meticulously taken apart, sorting out fact from fiction.
‘Vineeto’ has always liked mystery novels and ‘she’ likened finding out how ‘she’ ticked like solving a mystery – with practice, it became a fun game. First, label the trigger and the feeling and gather the facts of the sequence when applicable. After all, sincerity is being “aligned with factuality”. Then determine if the particular reaction is just a habit from which to ween oneself off, or a deeper-seated worry, fear or aversion having been triggered. It could be a pattern, a concept, a revered moral/ ethical/ spiritual value, a nice self-image, a ‘truth’ or pride, a power-trip, wanting to win a silly battle, to name just a few. What am I afraid to uncover? What will change when I give up this feeling? If that does not yield any results, look on the ‘good’ side – what are the hoped-for rewards one is afraid to lose? What are the ‘good’ feelings I want to keep? In other words – the most significant question in any mystery – who benefits from having this drama? I wish you best of fun to further unravel your identity. Cheers Vineeto
ADAM-H: I’ve been continuing to think about this a bit, and I’m wondering if ‘neither
expressing nor repressing’ is effectively what I have stumbled into with this. I’ve never quite thought about it this way, but is neither
expressing nor repressing effectively the “actualization” of the “realization” that feeling bad is silly? VINEETO: The suggestion of getting back to feeling good first is to give you a chance of sorting out more sensibly, without being clouded by a range of affective feelings, what triggered (i.e. started) the diminishment of feeling good.
Once you can think more clearly and identify the trigger that got you “stuck into a worry”, you can determine if it is suitable to either nip this feeling in the bud – if it turns out to be habit you already have well explored – or if you need to look deeper for a particular pattern, concept, belief or hoped-for reward. When you identify a specific feeling, then you use this feature of the actualism method of neither expressing nor repressing both
the good *and* bad affective feelings so that the third alternative may hove into view. You can find various descriptions how to deal with fear
in the Selected Correspondence Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, Thank you for your reply, if I am to be honest with myself though it seems that at the moment I still need to spend some more time with the simple application of the actualism method, the thing which I have been omitting for a long time. When I look at this possibility of stepping out from control, and when I don’t go into any maps or self-deceptions then it is like I don’t have the kind of ‘juice’ required to proceed. As in there isn’t sufficient felicity and innocuity which would allow such a thing to happen. I was re-reading “the instruction manual” (this moment of being alive) this morning and I was thinking how I never liked that article (that is an alarm bell already). In the past I was always more inclined to read the attentiveness and sensuousness and apperceptiveness article… But the reason I was inclined towards it was because I was able to pervert the advice in that article into a form of buddhistic noting. This buddhistic noting I haven’t been doing for a while now but then I haven’t taken the time to fully comprehend what the “instruction manual” is all about either. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, I am very pleased you are comprehending this significant fact of where you are at, and courageously and sincerely share this understanding. It is quite a common mistake to craft actualism atop of one’s previous learning and practice, and yet everyone can only discover this happening and admit to it when the time is ripe. By the way, ‘Vineeto’ for a long time did not like the “attentiveness … article because it sounded too similar to buddhistic wording for ‘her’ to grasp the vital difference and in the past ‘she’ had been immersed in a different school of Eastern spiritual practice. But I guess you can relate to the following quote –
 (Richard, List D, Alan, #1).
It’s a crucial step. I noticed over the years that quite a few people, who are/were sincerely, and sometimes desperately, interested in an actual freedom from the human condition would approach it by wanting to know a lot about the last steps just prior self-immolation before slowly coming down to earth and realising that’s an actual freedom is not achieved by (spiritual) ‘mind-power’ (i.e. the ‘right’ realisations) but by starting – practically – where one is at. In the first few months ‘Vineeto’ was one of them, and only when ‘she’ realised that this was a waste of time, did ‘she’ have successes in applying the actualism method. Often the first few months, or years, are taken up by clearing the workbench and starting afresh. KUBA: So when reading the article this morning and giving it all a go in practice the first thing which stood out was :
It is the very first words written also haha. But what I notice is that this awareness of the fact that “this very moment which is happening now is your only moment of being alive” is the backdrop against which seeing the silliness of feeling bad successfully takes place. That I am alive right now, and that this is precious, and that I am wasting this precious opportunity feeling X instead. And I notice when I am not anchored by this awareness (of this moment being my only moment of being alive) that is when instead
of seeing the silliness of feeling bad I turn to rumination instead. VINEETO: Indeed, “this moment being the only moment of being alive” is the backdrop to all the techniques described how to minimize the ‘self’-enhancing feelings and maximise the felicitous/ innocuous feelings. The remembrance of your numerous experiences of what this means experientially should stand you in good stead when you become aware of it again and again. Also, as I wrote to you in a recent message
Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, VINEETO: Indeed, “this moment being the only moment of being alive” is the backdrop to all the techniques described
how to minimize the ‘self’-enhancing feelings and maximise the felicitous/ innocuous feelings. KUBA: Yes and I wanted to give an example from some success today because it is so simple when it works. So taking an example of a worry, in the past when a worry came up, I would go into that worry to try to resolve it, like I was trying to prove to myself that there is nothing to worry about by ruminating about it, but only more worry ever came from this kind of activity… Whereas today when a worry came up it was the recognition that I am wasting this moment of being alive by ‘being’ worry, which cut right through it. I never saw it from that angle, that it is that very activity of worrying which is getting in the way of enjoying and appreciating this (only) moment of being alive. And in the past I have tangled myself in some knots to try to end a worry by going into it and ruminating about it, essentially trying to end worry by worrying about it. But it was exactly that recognition that it is this moment of being alive which was the anchor for all this to work so effortlessly. So indeed it is like turning my brain upside down.
ADAM-H: Thanks for sticking with me Vineeto. I think the answer that I am finding after all this is that “I” was trying to see the silliness of something other than “me”. Like I am trying to very subtly change the target away from what “I” am doing/being, which means that everything that builds on top of that fails. I was doing it in a very subtle way and using all the right words and terminology with myself, but somehow it was all pointed outwards still. It was pointing towards thoughts and feelings instead of towards myself. Just telling myself “I am my feelings and my feelings are me” doesn’t do anything of course… I have to actually direct it towards “me”. It’s not genuine confusion about the method that gets me there, it’s just that “I” am always looking for clever ways to subtly get out of the spotlight and perform some version of the method that is changing something other than myself. I have success → I grasp the success as my achievement → I try to reproduce the success from the plan that I have
developed for how I deal with feelings → this plan is what makes me superior to everyone. VINEETO: Hi Adam, That’s a good observation of the identity in action. Now, that you discovered (one of) your cunning ways, which derail your enjoyment and appreciation of this moment of being alive, and before you further generalize what you “always” do “to subtly get out of the spotlight” – the immediate question is what are you going to do in the present situation? What is the possible actualisation of this realisation? Has this realisation enabled you to get back to feeling good and drop the prolonged action of worrying? Here are two hints, which proved successful for the persons concerned – the first I sent to you on 26 June 2026
The second is a message from Kuba sent yesterday –
They both refer to what is spelt out in the first sentence in Richard’s article “This Moment of Being
Alive” Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, So it looks my attention is now shifting to this aspect of minimising ‘me’. I have a good fresh example also which is nice. So I was doing some BJJ training just now with one of my regular training partners and this new training partner who is an experienced MMA fighter looking to sharpen up his grappling skills. All in all we had a really good training session but there was 1 instance where I detected not only a diminishment in feeling good but also a link to a more persistent part of my identity which is clearly behind it all. (...) VINEETO: Hi Kuba, The significant sentence is “So it looks my attention is now shifting to this aspect of minimising ‘me’”
– and coupled with a “sincere, maybe even naïve fascination at discovering just which part of ‘me’ is behind it all”. This “aspect
of minimising ‘me’”” appears to be something new in your approach to actualism, possibly the missing aspect which caused you
going round “in circles” (for instance Every technique for the actualism method is to facilitate minimising ‘me’, i.e. the ‘good’ and bad feelings, and make the already existing actual world apparent. In absence of this overarching intent applying the actualism method becomes –
This quote is only to emphasise the vital importance for anyone interested in actualism to ascertain what one is aiming for – minimising ‘me’ – to perhaps avoid both frustration and wasting time and perhaps being easier able to recognize and identify the various manoeuvres of one’s identity to sabotage the actualism method into a ‘self’-preserving/ ‘self’-enhancing technique. Because you are now confident that the actual world actually exists and it is safe to leave your ‘self’ behind Regarding “inspiring through excellence” – it is imitating the perfection of the universe when one aspires excellence, and beneficial when others are inspired to imitate this excellence, however, the moment ‘I’ take the credit and make it my own, it becomes dirty, it has power added to one’s expertise and excellence, and power over others is always ‘self’-serving and ‘self’-enhancing. Cheers Vineeto
JAMES: Thanks for the reminder that altruism comes at the end. I need to completely review ‘How
to become af.’ VINEETO: Hi James, The most significant suggestion is, of course, to enjoy and appreciate being alive. A way to allow naiveté is to allow yourself to be in a good mood, which can be brought about by not courting either ‘good’ or bad feelings. It doesn’t need to be sustained with mental energy or guardedness – the simple absence of ‘good’ or bad feelings is sufficient. The cleanness and freshness of simply enjoying being here allows layers of enjoyment and appreciation you weren’t aware of before. It’s delicious. When you are in such a good mood, it is worthwhile contemplating what Richard explained about being here at this place now in this very moment. It’s the quickest way to experientially understand what an actual freedom is like.
(Richard, List A,
No. 16, #No. 17).
Enjoy. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO to Kuba: What happens if you allow the feelings associated with this “most central part of my persona” to
come closer, and closer, so intimately close that you affectively feel that ‘I’ am my feelings [of this original image] and my feelings are
‘me’? Not as a cognitive analysis but as an existential affective experience? CLAUDIU: Wonderful things happen. It’s quite a short path from the fear/ dread/ reluctance/
reticence to do so/ putting it off/ avoiding it/ etc., to the actually usually quite mild discomfort whilst doing so, to the “what was the fuss all
really about?”, to forgetting ever had that issue in the first place haha. VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, What an excellent experiential feedback of how to successfully apply the actualism method. Because most of human beings shy away from acknowledging and/or feeling negative feelings, it sometimes takes a deliberate conscious step to bring the feelings closer, and closer, until one affectively experiences that ‘I’ am this feeling. Then magic can happen in an instant and the door to naiveté opens. This step is often overlooked when at first applying the actualism method because this dis-association happens so automatically for many that it takes some practice to become aware of it happening. Often correspondents have complained that Richard wrote as if the actualism method worked instantly for him – and why does such success elude them. As far as I know from his writing that Richard didn’t experience such automatic dis-association in his application of ‘imitating the actual’ and hence has barely written about it. Having had no concept of a ‘good actualist’ for instance, he did not fight his feelings, but was instead curious, inquisitive, fascinated, explorative – and it worked like a cinch. I am also reminded of the now famous feedback from No. 60[AF] –
I much appreciate that you highlighted and emphasized this course of action with your hands-on report. Cheers Vineeto
CHRONO: I’ve been away for a while as my mood had temporarily dipped a good amount from before. I don’t want to entirely blame it on this but I had also taken a vitamin/ supplement which seemed to have affected my mood a good amount. But it has levelled out after I stopped it. There was a good period of time where I was almost overflowing with feeling good and at one point I fell into a feeling of “let me make sure that there’s nothing I’m missing out on” and I pulled back into old ways. There was a clear cut moment where it seemed like I could make a decision to feel good forever. Like there was nothing on the horizon but sweetness. This is rather embarrassing writing this but it did follow a period of frustration, falling back into previous feeling patterns of cynicism and grimness (Yet with a constant background feeling of ‘I’m playing pretend’). My aim now is to get back to that overflowing feeling good again. VINEETO: Hi Chrono, This is interesting – in all the ups and downs of feelings, as they tend to be, there was an awareness in the background that “I’m playing pretend”. This is an excellent anchoring point because you can become increasingly aware, and attentive to, that you don’t have to be those vacillating feelings, but choose to be felicitous as in the memory of “sweetness” after your (almost) “decision to feel good forever”. It’s natural that ‘I’ will put up a fight in order to remain in the “old ways” but you have experienced the alternative now and you can experience it again whenever that ‘pretend-game’ loses the emotional pull. It is always available as a choice, whenever you want it. * VINEETO: This is an excellent insight and others have reported great success with allowing the feeling to be felt closer and closer until it becomes obvious that ‘I’ am my feeling and this feeling is ‘me’. Then it is really simple. When ‘I’ am no longer divided, ‘me’ fighting against ‘me’, when I truly become a friend to myself, then naiveté is possible. CHRONO: Yes this essentially is what allowed me to get back to feeling good. When ‘I’ am not fighting ‘my’ self, that absence of conflict automatically dissolves into feeling good. It’s a matter of habituating this more. It seems conflict is also ‘my’ essential nature and I am going against what is “natural”. What I was “missing out” on is nothing but conflict. Another aspect of not fighting myself is that I also feel closer to ‘me’. And I automatically find me liking myself. VINEETO: It takes courage and determination but it is also quite delicious to follow your path of being happy and harmless, and as such go “against what is ‘natural’”. And the reward is that you become autonomous and increasingly confident in this “decision to feel good forever” being where you want to be – as the “sweetness” you described confirms. Yesterday I found this paragraph in Richard’s articles that might be helpful –
* VINEETO: It is not that there is a naïve part – when one is naïve this is all of ‘me’. When ‘I’ am resentful and embrace it, this is ‘me’ – and in that moment I have the choice to be naïvely enjoying that I am no longer fighting with myself. There is no point in cutting oneself into various pizza pieces and trying to fight/ hide certain pieces but embrace others. All your feelings are ‘you’ and all can become allies in the grand game of moving towards ‘self’-immolation. CHRONO: Ah this actually makes it much simpler. It was another way I was complicating the matter. Basically it is something like going into ‘myself’ to unite all of ‘me’. But ‘I’ am being all of ‘me’ each moment. The underlying assumption that had been still surviving in that way of operating is that there really is ‘another place’ and ‘another time’. This “assumption” perhaps is even the essence of ‘my’ being. It’s like ‘I’ spend an inordinate amount of time keeping up the edifice of ‘me’. VINEETO: What you call “‘another place’ and ‘another time’” is actuality in contrast to the real world. In a PCE you know experientially that you are in “another place”, a magical place where everything is already perfect. But when not in a PCE, these ever-changing feelings are what you naturally are – inborn and inherited as blind nature’s survival package. It’s not personal, and when you become attentive you recognize that you don’t need to reject or embrace them, or dissociate from them – it is all ‘you’. So when you are not busy fighting or defending what you feel, you can direct this affective energy towards the felicitous feelings and towards sensuousness, enjoyment and appreciation. It’s the same energy and in principle it is really very simple –
* CHRONO: I had been wondering how this flesh and blood body experiences the world. Just a
background thought that comes and goes sometimes. I was washing dishes (this seems to happen during washing dishes for some reason) and I felt the
soap foam on my hands along with the warm water and it suddenly hit me that it is this body experiencing that sensation. It is neither a thought or a
feeling. The direct experiencing of it is the flesh and blood body’s experience. It subsequently also occurred to me that this occurs right here and
right now and is perpetually happening. I’m blocking it by thinking and feeling about it. That direct experience conveyed to me more than any
thinking about it could. With ‘me’, ‘I’ am trying to outline a coherent whole ‘reality’ but when I experienced the direct sensation it was
as if there was only the experiencing of that. VINEETO: Wonderful, bingo! Your senses inform you that you are here, that you are alive and this is “neither a thought or a feeling”. Isn’t it wonderful to have confirmation by your very own experience and increasing confidence in what you are aiming for. One of my favourite quotes of a ‘peak experience’ (during Richard’s eighth year of enlightenment) –
Cheers Vineeto
EMP: Hi Vineeto, thank you for your response! I won’t leave you on read this time. I did however have a very eventful day so I’ll keep it brief for now until everything has settled. VINEETO: Hi Emp, Thank you for your prompt reply despite your eventful day. EMP: I was pondering today what you said about beating myself up, while also trying to feel out rumination (I’ve come to realise that rumination is a lot more than just the anxiety-ridden thought marathons I’d get up to regularly). At the same time I was quite upset and torn about a loyalty and empathy question in my personal life which I just couldn’t seem to solve without ending up in a bind. After a lot of back and forthing, the only way out seemed to be to just cut myself more slack than I’ve ever cut myself in my whole life, the longest leash I’ve ever given myself and no more self-recrimination. That was the only way I could get down deep enough into myself to get at the rift. At the same time, I’m scared I’ll just get a reply back that “well, how will you conduct yourself now that you’ve let yourself off the hook? How will you learn if there’s no 15 minutes of hate after you’ve done something bad(1)?” It feels like somehow the Thought Police will know there’s a woman walking around in Sweden not lambasting herself for her mistakes while being friends with her grotty self (quelle horreur!). Maybe it’s ridiculous but that’s the base of the emotion right now. (1) 99% of the time, not something bad at all, but my moralistic framing makes it so in my rumination cave. VINEETO: Questioning your loyalty and sense of belonging, or the demand for empathy, are both values deeply rooted in the human condition and you cannot come to a sensible clean solution balancing one against the other. Here is something ‘Vineeto’ wrote regarding ‘her’ fears abandoning the ship … perhaps you can relate –
Therefore, “to just cut myself more slack” might work in the short term but, as you describe, with more fears of
reprisal for being amoral It’s important to recognize that actualism is a totally different ballgame altogether; then you can slowly step out of those parameters and follow your intent and commitment to be happy and harmless. When you are felicitous and naïve and like yourself, you are simultaneously harmless (they are one and the same thing) and then, with pure intent operating, you now longer require the straight-jacket of the real-world morals and ethics because you are already more friendly, amiable, considerate and courteous than any rule-obeying feeling being can ever be. It takes a while to work this out experientially but the longer you do it the more you see that it makes sense. When you are not in the grip of fervent emotions, you might try out attentiveness (instead of rumination), the way Richard described it here –
I always liked the last sentence – “attentiveness does not play favourites”. Normally as a feeling being everything experienced is valued either ‘good’ or ‘bad’ or somewhere in-between, hence embraced or rejected. When deliberately nothing is at stake but a fascination for non-passionate reflective exploration, it is much easier to discover a pattern, a belief, a system and find out how the mind works and how ‘I’ tick. EMP: I also took it upon myself to ponder why “we have all the time in the universe”
doesn’t quite click for me and while it was just a brief glimpse. I think I might have started to understand what it actually means… and I tried
ramping up my intent afterwards and I no longer felt squeezed between a rock and a hard place. I’ll need longer glimpses before I consider this
properly experienced though. VINEETO: Having “all the time in the universe” only applies in actuality – in the real world time is ‘self’-centric, limited and boxed in by what you feel you need/ want to achieve before the sun sets or ‘time is up’, and the more achievements, whatever they are, you can squeeze into the hours of the day the ‘better’ a person you, and others, consider you to be. The mistake many actualists make is that they deem this schedule of achievements and boxes to tick to also apply to the actualism method – it does not. It’s really the contrary – you allow actuality to become apparent (actuality being already actually existing and perfect) via sensuosity, enjoyment and appreciation of being here in this moment of being alive. Cheers Vineeto
EMP: Hi! VINEETO: I do enjoy reading your lively reports and I am pleased you not only understand what I wrote about real-world time and actual time but that you had worked it out yourself already. EMP: Maybe I do actually need to write more so I don’t leave you typing things to me that I’ve already understood. OTOH you express yourself far better and more precise, and I enjoy chatting with you. I’m genuinely trying not to do the scattergun approach but there’s so much happening that I can barely fit in a fraction of a day’s worth of reflecting and experiencing, and I forget half of it. VINEETO: Hi Emp, I enjoy chatting with you, and your “scattergun approach” seems to be appropriate to what is happening at present – the human condition is such a vast field of exploration, and it would not only be difficult but counterproductive to try and stream-line it when experiences and explorations tumble forth, thereby losing its naiveté and vivaciousness. If I write something you already know, that is ok, it’s par for the course. * VINEETO: You certainly shouldn’t whittle down your social identity. The suggestion is that you can have a close look at those social identity issues if and when they interfere with your general enjoyment and appreciation of being alive, and only do so when your pure intent is firmly in place. Regarding any other tools of the actualism method you have possibly entered into your ‘should’-section,
remember what Richard said repeatedly during the Dona&Alan visit that there are no conditions EMP: Ah, so, about me writing more, here’s where it would’ve helped if I’d added this to the convivium report. I think I was the one that pottered up to Geoffrey on the third(?) day to point out that I’d seen that there’s no “pedigree” in actualism. You don’t have to serve up who you are, where you grew up, who you studied with, what you’ve accomplished as some kind of admittance fee. For some reason I’d taken on a lot of assumptions about my own capacity and eligibility, and this was a fairly big one that I hadn’t noticed until it just fell away. The fact that there are no conditions is absolutely amazing. I had a lot of fun reading through the links you provided, and given that I’ve been at this for a long time there were lots of memories connected with the writings, not the least how I thought about actualism back then. I remember seeing it as a very linear path with milestones and prerequisites and I’m amazed at how this has changed and how sensible it is that it’s, again, right here and right now. The linear progression thinking also kept it in some indefinite future for me, and I’m quite glad to be rid of that. Just the mere thought of the actual always being right under my feet, like a golden path (no idea why I’ve started remembering the old cartoon The Mysterious Cities of Gold and associating it with this whole adventure, but here we are) makes me feel like a giant wave is cresting below me and carrying me forward relentlessly. VINEETO: It was probably ‘Peter’s’ and ‘Vineeto’s’ doing that it had the appearance of a “very linear path” because that is how most feeling beings approach almost everything new they encounter. I remember ‘Vineeto’ in the beginning having great trouble to wrap ‘her’ head around that now is this only moment being alive (which also meant becoming actually free will happen now – very scary too). Indeed, there is neither a “pedigree” nor any “admittance fee” in actualism, and it is enormously liberating to have this really sunk in. Your description of “a giant wave is cresting below me” reminds me of Richard’s own description –
Or more explicit –
The fact that you write that it is “carrying me forward relentlessly” shows that your concerns about missing “pressure” or “inertia” are merely fabricated by an identity who wants to maintain control of the process via the time-old (instinctual) tools of ‘carrot and stick’ – but habitually more ‘stick’ than ‘carrot’, by your description. EMP: I feel a bit like I’m in limbo though; I’m used to using my performance anxiety and external pressure to keep things going. I’m also used to receding into inertia when not whipped by external circumstances. I currently feel like I can’t go back, but I don’t know how to move forward, except one step at a time. I sometimes wake up scared that I’ll go back to normal and forget all about this without pressuring myself to go on. There’s no map, there’s nothing predictable about this. I read through the vintage Vineeto you sent regarding the mad scientist phase (vintage Vineeto is a term of endearment for me here, I remember enjoying your writings immensely during a time when what Richard wrote was far too dense and confrontational for me, and getting re-acquainted with this discussion was a hoot) and I could recognise almost everything. Doing this on my own is very disorienting at times. Whenever I want to get back to my old habits – seeking reassurance from others, emotional support, venting, even asking ChatGPT – I realise that I actually don’t want to. The door to normality isn’t closed but I’m sure as hell not going to help in keeping it open.… but it takes a lot to stand on your own and just go for it. VINEETO: Ha, I like your term ‘vintage Vineeto’ and understand that Richard’s writing
was (on occasion?) “too dense and confrontational”. I forget mostly how mind boggling it had been for
‘her’, but then ‘she’ read the mailing list every day and had regular meetings with Richard, where some of the questions could be cleared up.
Particularly extracting ‘herself’ from the spiritual beliefs and loyalties took several months, but after an outstanding PCE EMP: I’m also used to emotions having this predictable structure and map to it… I don’t even know how to describe it; going by emotions there’s a linearity and a safety. I know what I’ll get – it’ll always be disappointment, but I know what I’ll get. It’s easy to communicate in emotions, it’s easy to “map yourself out” in emotions; they have a recognisable shape and form and it’s easy to navigate society with emotions. I know it’s not easy, but it’s “easy” as reverting to norm is always “easy”. This has been the hardest for me to describe; just as allowing pure intent is such a weird manoeuvre for someone who’s used to forcing everything, moving forward without using emotional pressure is one hell of a mindfuck. It’s this constant moving out of the way and allowing and I don’t have that in me reflexively yet; sometimes it takes a while to get back to a good baseline. I want to work hard, to toil and to force but that’s not how it’s done and it would only reinforce “me”. VINEETO: Ha, I gain the impression from your words that pure intent is happening, and humour too, no longer waiting for your express permission (“makes me feel like a giant wave is cresting below me and carrying me forward relentlessly”) and all of the above-described emotions are to distract and discourage you from what it already happening, but to no avail! Your last paragraph in this post confirms it even more –
* VINEETO: As a feeling being ‘I’ want to be confirmed, sometimes desperately, in ‘my’
existence as a contingent ‘being’, and it’s difficult to then recognize a genuine caring from the other unless it’s
provided with all the trappings of sympathy, empathy and love (trappings, which would include the ties which promise a
permanent continuation of your care). Yet the only close-to-actual care you can give is to disentangle yourself from the
ties of “the trap of compassion” and the guilt of loyalty as much as you can. The more you do the more you
will be able to give them your full attention devoid of resentment, a freely given care and appreciation to a fellow
human being – simply because they are a fellow human being and not because you owe them something. (You may
find Richard’s correspondence regarding near-actual-caring EMP: Yeah, this one has proven to be a big one for me. I keep thinking I’ve resolved something and then it’ll rear its head again, or the situation will change. I can handle it so far, but empathy and care are hard to deal with for me and coupled with guilt it turns slightly radioactive. I can sometimes get so hamstrung by this that I have to remind myself to move and actually do something to get out of the inherent “stuckness” of these fears and the rumination. It helps a lot to think about what’s is actually actual, as a lot of the scenarios I’m thinking up aren’t happening right now. It still feels like I’m constantly bouncing between trying to avoid appeasement while doing the reasonable thing, while also not being affected by someone else’s emotions and suffering in the process. I guess this is yet another situation where I’ve read too much about it and not experienced enough; I know logically that everything you’re saying makes sense, but I haven’t seen it properly and I need to show myself that I can do this without “me”. It’s a slow and gradual peeling of the layers. VINEETO: Again, I can only suggest to remember to be a friend to yourself to neither push or criticise what you think and do but rather be aware of it and, if possible, keep you hands in your pockets when emotions well up too strong. A lot of change can happen in the background such as “a day’s worth of reflecting and experiencing, and I forget half of it”. Some changes take time to settle and then suddenly appear as practical changes on the surface – a bit like osmosis (fig. gradual, usu. unconscious assimilation or absorption of ideas, knowledge, etc. ~ Oxford Dictionary). EMP: By the way, there was something that Geoffrey mentioned that really stuck with me (and I’d like anyone who reads this to not mistake it for something that it isn’t, because I think it might be very easy to abstract this reasoning into an excuse for splitting, instead of actually seeing what it means); “I” think I’m needed for the protection of this body, and I need to show myself that that’s not the case. It’s a fucked up caring, in a sense, thinking that the body will never be safe unless “I” am there watching out for it, controlling it, monitoring it. I’ve seen it in the small things but there’s a lot of fear blocking trying it out on the bigger things. ETA: I took a break from writing and when I came back, I realised that these last couple of paragraphs were emotionally very heavy… and I’m wondering if this is really such a big deal as I’m making it out to be. I’m getting a whiff of drama created for the sake of staying alive. Anyway. VINEETO: It is a big deal because this is still a grand pioneering adventure – not only going against your own instinctual programming, emotional intuition, life-long habituation and socialisation, but also contrary to what everyone around you is aspiring to. But then, that is what pioneers do; explore new territory (in human consciousness) and make exciting, universally beneficial discoveries regarding peace on earth, for you and for the benefit of everyone. Give yourself credit for what you are doing. EMP: I’ll keep writing if that helps. On a less heavy note, back to the fun of reading all the links. It’s amazing how different everything reads now that I have access/ a connection to pure intent to the extent I do. As I mentioned previously, a lot of what Richard wrote was too dense and confrontational to me, and now all of it makes sense, especially the word choices and the order of words. There was a quote from Richard that I wanted to put here, but now I can’t for the life of me find it; it was a description a bit like the numbered list on Dona and Alan’s Questions page, but it was in free-flowing text and described to a tee the process I’m currently using. VINEETO: This is great to read. Is it perhaps something like the first section here EMP: Also, I’d like to emphasise this for anyone who has the same tendencies as me:
“pure intent is firmly in place” – I have done this without pure intent in place and it’s deeply unpleasant. I can add it to my gallery of useless achievements, but I would not recommend it to anyone. VINEETO: Thank you for this confirmation and insight. EMP: Anyway, I’ve been having so much fun writing. Yesterday
destiny kept popping up whenever I was contemplating. It’s neither here nor there but I kept circling back to how it
seemed like this is where I’m supposed to go, this is my destiny and there really is nowhere else to be. I know
“I” can’t technically go in the end, but the wave keeps adding this forward pressure that I keep wanting to
ride. It’s exhilarating, fun, joyful, exuberant, the biggest adventure, and the deepest laughter, you could imagine (I
don’t want to anthropomorphize it, but the welling causes the laughter and so it’s as close as I can get to
describing it). VINEETO: Ah, that sounds wonderful – it feels good, it makes sense (in fact it’s the only thing that makes sense) and the PCEs confirm it is actual, perfect and what/where you always wanted to be. Enjoy the ride of the biggest adventure of your life. I just went onto the back deck for some evening air and the almost-full moon is reflected on the water, its reflection rippled by a gentle breeze. The air is soft and friendly and it’s just wonderful to be here. Much appreciation for an enjoyable conversation. Cheers Vineeto
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