December 6 2025

KUBA: Driving to London again so I thought I would do a little report whilst Sonya is behind the wheel. There has been so much going on recently that I don’t think I could chronicle everything but I will note the main things.

It looks like all the various things which could possibly be in place, are in place. I find no compulsion for the doer to come in and to try to force it to happen. As Richard said only the utter fullness can do it. What ‘I’ have left to do is to give permission (joyfully and wholeheartedly), to allow it to happen.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Great to hear from you. You seem to be having a grand time.

I am reminded of Peter saying quite fittingly in the Actual Freedom Library, Hope –

Peter: “Above the door of the Actual Freedom Trust offices (if there ever is such a thing) will be a sign that reads ‘Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here’.”

Of course, there are no ‘Actual Freedom Trust offices’ but the call to “Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here” is applicable for every actualist at a certain stage in their process, and what a benefit has it been to you!

I am also reminded of another quote which I had already sent you before, but perhaps you can now obtain some additional experiential benefit from it –

Richard: Having the “courage of your convictions” has nothing to do with believing, trusting, hoping or having faith that it be possible. I, for one, never believed, trusted, hoped or had faith that it was possible, for such an action of believing, trusting, hoping and having faith perpetuates the believer, the truster, the hoper and the faithful. On the contrary, I could no longer believe that it was not possible – which is a different action entirely to believing, trusting, hoping and having faith that it is possible – thus dispensing with the believer, the truster, the hoper and the faithful. Do you see this?

For example: Doubt is believing it not to be possible ... doubt is actually an action of believing, which supports the believer. Faith is believing that it is possible ... which also supports the believer ... and thus, either way, the believer pushes freedom away into an ever elusive future.

All this stemmed from my peak experience in which I experienced the purity and the perfection of life itself – here and now – and thus saw that what others had perceived as being our reward after physical death already existed ... at this moment in time and this place in space. Thus I ceased believing that life on earth was a grim business with only scant moments of reprieve ... yet I did not start believing in perfection. To repeat: I stopped believing, period. All sorrow and malice stems from the activity of believing ... which arises from the believer. ‘I’, as a psychological entity, can only believe – or disbelieve – in possibilities and impossibilities. In the peak experience ‘I’ temporarily abdicated the throne and I knew, by direct experience, that freedom was already actual. It was ‘I’ that was the problem, not the absence of perfection. When ‘I’ ceased to be, perfection became, as always, apparent. By believing perfection to be possible ‘I’ perpetuate ‘myself’. ‘I’, by ‘my’ very presence, inhibit that splendid perfection becoming apparent.

Perfection is already always here. Yet ‘I’, by believing in a remembered perfection, chase an ever-elusive chimera into an ever-receding future. Thus one stands still and does nothing but watch the dust settle all around ... and perfection, which is only of the moment, becomes apparent. ‘I’ have ceased to be. By “doing nothing” I mean neither believing nor disbelieving; neither having faith nor having doubt; neither trusting nor distrusting; neither hoping nor despairing. In short, one’s superb confidence and over-weening optimism precipitates ‘my’ demise ... ‘I’ do not make freedom happen ... ‘I’ allow the universe to “disappear” the ‘me’ that I was ... and perfection has become apparent. ‘I’ did not invoke perfection, for it already is here ... and it is here now, not off into the future. It may have taken some time to eventuate, as ‘I’ got whittled away, yet when that time came, it was already here ... because it is always now.

To sum up: ‘I’ do not make perfection happen because it is already always here. What ‘I’ do is to “stand still” and unreservedly allow ‘my’ eventual demise to occur. To do this, ‘I’ cease believing, hoping, trusting and having faith ... without falling into disbelief, despair, distrust or doubt. ‘I’, having the courage of ‘my’ convictions – which is the confidence born out of the solid knowing as evidenced in the peak experience – thus developing a superb confidence and an over-weening optimism. Thus nothing can stand in ‘my’ way in this, the adventure of a life-time. (Richard, Private email, March 1999)

Cheers Vineeto (Actualvineeto, Kuba 12, 6 December 2025).

December 13 2025

FELIX: Hello to you both, lovely to hear from you. Kuba , your writing has been excellent lately – I’m not sure if it is different from before or whether my capacity to appreciate it has increased (or maybe both!). I don’t feel competitive anymore.

It’s funny hey, how much fear really pushes one around internally. It fuels certain lines of thought propels particular strategies, closes certain doors of enquiry, and prevents clear thinking or seeing. It’s powerful and it acts from a place of trying to keep one safe, even though it’s actually doing the bloody opposite usually!

VINEETO: Hi Felix,

A splendid analysis, if I may say so.

FELIX: Vineeto, thanks for your encouragement and apt references and anecdotes. I’m relishing your writing and very appreciative of your contribution. My diminished fear has removed the bee out of my bonnet (and the chip off my shoulder) regarding actualism and suddenly it’s a real thrill and pleasure to be involved with others and benefit from your particular expertise and insight as well.

To what you wrote, indeed it’s amazing the degree to which this fear operated, unseen. To me it seems the strong feelings of fear protected and bolstered a very strong sense of ego – and that this ego (operating primarily as a very powerful sense of control/ doership) would not allow itself to be “captured” or discovered, so to speak.

VINEETO: Your different way of writing certainly indicates that a noisy “bee” and a large “chip” have disappeared, and now a naiveté prevails which can consider the benefit of others as well as your own. It’s a precious time when your brain is rearranging itself to the new circumstances, and the thing right now to pay special attentiveness to any subtle machinations in the background trying to create a new persona to fill this beneficial gap created by the diminished chunk of fear, which has disappeared only a few days ago. It’s a common strategy of ‘me’ to replace the old persona with a new one, hence my cautionary note. What you can do instead is to delightedly settle in and feel at home with this budding naiveté where you are not quite sure what is happening but are nevertheless thrilled and fascinated to be alive and let more and more life live you.

FELIX: As much of the actualism website is dedicated to the necessity to look at feelings/ soul rather than thought/ego, I’ll clarify that I’m not saying that feelings weren’t the culprit … just that it was my own evasive sense of ‘I’ that seemed to want to perpetuate itself. And this very pointed and inflamed sense of “I” was primarily fuelled by intense fear … mostly around things like criticism, status, perception, self in relation to others (as opposed to lions or tigers which would be more worthy of such fear!).

VINEETO: The reason for mainly using “feelings/ soul rather than thought/ego” in the writings on the website is because the equivalence of thought and ego, and therefore vilification of thought, is the way of the old, spiritual paradigm intending to lure you into the pursuit of ego-death aka enlightenment, whilst ignoring the vital part that the instinctual feelings, particularly the so-called ‘good’ feelings play in the creation of misery and mayhem. Have you ever considered that this “very strong sense of ego” is/was also responsible for your self-castigation and the self-inflicted stress you experienced? In other words, you were caught in the dichotomy of pride and humility, ego and self-castigation with no tangible resolution.

Or in Richard’s words –

Richard: In actual freedom both sorrow and malice are eliminated, along with the ego and the soul. Evil does not exist in the world, it exists only in the human psyche ... eliminate the psyche in its entirety and you have eliminated both Good and Evil. (‘Good’ is a psychic phenomenon created to combat ‘Evil’). As the Enlightened Beings have only transcended duality, they have to cling to ‘The Good’ in order to resist ‘The Bad’. Hence also their pacifism. (Richard, List A, No. 7, No. 01)

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Richard: By the time I had worked my way through this philosophical dilemma [of pacifism] I had to turn my sights upon the last thing that stood between me and an actual freedom. I would have to let go of the deeply ingrained concept of ‘The Good’. For this to happen I would have to eliminate ‘The Bad’ in me, or else I would be likely to go off the rails and run amok. Little did I realise that it was ‘The Good’ that kept ‘The Bad’ in place. I was soon to find this out. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List B, No. 31, 7 Mar 2000)

In other words, all of it, both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ and the battle between the two are part of the old paradigm, while being naïve and enjoying and appreciating being alive is the new paradigm.

FELIX: In that context it makes sense now why I have been so intensely analytical – an “overthinker” who was trying to attempt a top-down, intellectual coup on my entire system (with fairly disastrous results I might add). Luckily the fact I have been aware over the years, at least as a “witness”, has also given me insight into the kinds of routes to not bother going down again … such as intense self-improvement, comparison to others, self-castigation, stress/ neuroticism, misanthropy, to name a few.

In my intense insecurity I was always attempting to gain some kind of imagined psychological dominion over others to find “safety”, often through ambition and self-judgement. Being perceived to be less than others or an object of criticism from the herd was extremely threatening stuff, like an annihilation. It wasn’t always just intense fear, often it came as a constant gnawing anxiety. And my desires were just as fuelled by fear as well – the desire to be good enough, to evade criticism, to be infallible, to achieve, to be a free spirit etc etc. Desire seems to be the flip side of fear.

VINEETO: Now that you describe it in all its painful details – what a blessed disappearance of these “feelings, belief structures and behaviours”. They have conspired in concerted effort like a tight-woven web to keep you imprisoned … until … until you were so fed up with suffering and had gathered enough courage to look straight into the core (which is far more than ego) –

Felix: Now I see that everything I do, I do out of fear. And I think I am seeing there is something beyond it.

FELIX: It’s weird how certain feelings, belief structures and behaviours can disappear. I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced such a big “chunk” of my issues going at once. There is some clean up still, certain habits and automatic reactions and such, but the main engine seems to be really disengaged.

And while this is good back pressure, I’m listening when you say that “the actualism method is enjoying and appreciating, not diving into deep emotions for the sake of it.” There’s a fun and smooooth enjoyment in making contact with This Moment of Being Alive. I’m tasting it here and there, sinking in slowly to a sense of delight. I want the full shebang but I know not to force either … I enjoy as is available to me at the time, based on the (physical/ sensorial) circumstances as they are. I’m enjoying as I write this.
Indeed there is a sense of being a moth drawn to a flame. Honestly, it makes me want total death … haha – which would be alarming to most if said on the street or to “loved ones” but I say it without any depression or morbidity whatsoever. To suffer unconscious feeling cycles and to be danced around like a marionette by “life circumstances” is much closer to something morbid, surely. Whereas to be right where one is, without any fears or fantasies, and enjoying and appreciating what reveals itself to have been under one’s nose – is to be much more alive already. It makes me want to experience more and invites rememoration of the fact I have already experienced (psychological) death before, and it was not only safe but totally wondrous and perfect.

VINEETO: Indeed, when that sweetness of spontaneous appreciation pervades you (when pure intent is tangibly experienced like an actually occurring stream of benevolence and benignity that originates in the vast and utter stillness that is the essential character of the universe itself) then all you want to do is keep allowing it and keep appreciating it.

Richard: “(...). One can bring about a benediction from that perfection and purity which is the essential character of the universe by contacting and cultivating one’s original state of naiveté. Naiveté is that intimate aspect of oneself that is the nearest approximation that one can have of actual innocence – there is no innocence so long as there is a rudimentary self – and constant awareness of naive intimacy results in a continuing benediction. This blessing allows a connection to be made between oneself and the perfection and purity as is evidenced in a PCE. This connection I call pure intent. Pure intent endows one with the ability to operate and function safely in society without the incumbent social identity with its ever-vigilant conscience. Thus reliably rendered virtually innocent and relatively harmless by the benefaction of the perfection and purity, one can begin to dismantle the now-redundant social identity. The virtual magnanimity endowed by pure intent obviates the necessity for a social identity, born out of society’s values, to be extant and controlling the wayward self with a societal conscience”. (Richard, List B, No. 31, 21 July 1998).

By the way, you have not yet “experienced (psychological) death before” – in a PCE the identity is merely in temporary abeyance, ready to spring into action at any time. But you know from your PCEs what the actual world after ‘your’ demise is like.

Gary: What is it about the PCE that holds the ‘me’ in abeyance?

Richard: It is a two-way street ... it is both the perfection of the universe, as evidenced in the PCE, and the sincerity of ‘me’, as is evidenced by the PCE occurring, which does the trick. This universe has a built-in propensity for the best to emerge, so it is inevitable that the best will happen ... given ‘my’ concurrence.

We do not live in an inert universe.

Gary: Is it correct to say that ‘I’ am in abeyance during the PCE?

Richard: That was the word that occurred to me to describe the experience ... ‘suspended’, maybe (as in ‘the operation has been suspended until further notice’)?

Gary: Or is it more accurate to say that ‘I’ have vacated the scene completely and totally?

Richard: Oh, yes, there is a marked absence of ‘me’ during the experience ... perhaps it is more correct to say that it is after the experience, when ‘I’ reappear, that in hindsight it becomes obvious that ‘I’ was in abeyance?

Gary: What causes ‘me’ to return?

Richard: Because ‘I’ have a job to do: ‘I’ am going to make the most noble sacrifice that ‘I’ can make for this body and that body and every body ... for ‘I’ am what ‘I’ hold most dear. It is ‘my’ moment of glory. It is ‘my’ crowning achievement ... it makes ‘my’ petty life all worth while. It is not an event to be missed ... to physically die without having experienced what it is like to become dead is such a waste of a life. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Gary, 15 August 2000)

FELIX: I keep thinking of the Shakespeare quote “Tis a consummation devoutly to be wish’d” from Hamlet’s famous soliloquy.

I can’t help think what a pleasure awaits, To Not Be.

VINEETO: Ha, Shakespeare – whoever wrote Hamlet under this nom-de-guerre – knew nothing of an actual freedom, he could only point to an imaginary fantasy of a life after death. You, on the other hand, can consciously give permission for the actualism process to commence –

Richard: Being out-from-control/in a different-way-of-being is quite daunting to contemplate as an on-going EE marks the end of the beginning of the end of ‘me’ and the commencement of the actualism process – as distinct from the actualism method – wherein a momentum not of ‘my’ doing takes over and an inevitability sets in; in an on-going EE the actual world has the effect of impelling one towards it – like a moth to a candle as the overarching benignity and benevolence of the actual increasingly operates such as to render ‘my’ felicity/ innocuity increasingly redundant; this is where being the nearest a ‘self’ can be to innocence – the naiveté located betwixt the core of being and the sexual centre (where one is both likeable and liking) – is attached as if with a golden thread or clew to the purity of actual innocence; an on-going EE is, thus, where one becomes acclimatised to benignity and benevolence and the resultant blitheness because the purity of the actual is so powerful that it would ‘blow the fuses’ if one was to venture into this territory ill-prepared. (Richard, List D, No. 12, 9 December 2009a).

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Richard: In effect, the actualism process is what ensues when one gets out from being under control, via having given oneself prior permission to have one’s life live itself (i.e., sans the controlling doer), and a different way of being comes about (i.e., where the beer is the operant) – whereupon a thrilling out-from-control momentum takes over and an inevitability sets in – whereafter there is no pulling back (hence the reluctance in having it set in motion) as once begun it is nigh-on unstoppable.

Then one is in for the ride of a lifetime! (Richard, List D, Claudiu4, 28 January 2016).

Cheers Vineeto (Actualvineeto, Felix 2, 13 December 2025).

January 3 2026

VINEETO: An excellent post (as well as your two follow-up ones and ), which really describes experientially to what extent the human condition and ‘me’ are usually completely dominating one’s perception, feeling and behaviour. It is so refreshing to read when someone can experientially confirm that “both ‘inside’ and outside’” worlds disappear in a PCE and upon an actual freedom. (Actualvineeto, Kuba 12, 1 January 2026)

KUBA: Yes that PCE has turned out to be quite pivotal, it has shown me – without a shadow of a doubt – that the target is completely outside of ‘me’, a different dimension in a sense, to where ‘I’ exist. I think up until now I didn’t see this clearly enough, so there was room to kid myself with imagined targets.

That seeing is solidly lodged in my memory and it’s undeniable – there is not a shred of ‘me’ in the actual world. And I have been rememorating this experience, coming close to it again. Although the doing of it is actually out of my hands, in the sense that I find myself spontaneously pulled into the actual world.

VINEETO: This is indeed a pivotal experience which, when rememorated, will prevent you from ever again building an imaginary world with ‘you’ as the surviving actor. It literally pulls the carpet from underneath ‘your’ feet – and what a great confidence-boosting and direction-confirming experience that is.

KUBA: Today it happened when I ran a bath and just as I got in this shift occurred, and magically I found myself in the world where “nothing dirty can get in”, the perfection and purity was undeniable, and in that experience I as this body am just as clean as the rest of the world. This aspect in particular is so delightful, that there is nothing ‘dirty’ anywhere to be found, not in the world and not in the body.

VINEETO: This is amusing in the way you described it – and it is indeed so that utter purity prevails here, of which the feeling of beauty is only a paltry imitation (plus it requires ugliness for comparison). And yet beauty is considered the highest value in the real world, equivalent to truth (Truth) – in spirituality – and in mathematics.

KUBA: And the shift, when it happens ‘I’ don’t do it, in an instant all is wiped clean, somehow magically ‘I’ disappear and there is this other world which becomes immediately apparent (there is no lag at all), this world is discovered (yet again) to be right here where it has been the whole time.

VINEETO: Yes, it is magic the way it happens in an instant, a demonstration that when ‘you’ disappear the always already existing actuality becomes instantly apparent.

KUBA: Interestingly enough none of those intense fears which I experienced in the past have returned at all, and actually seeing that actuality is completely outside of ‘me’ has diminished any fears further if anything, ‘I’ don’t have to worry about that which is “on the other side” so to speak, it is nothing to do with ‘me’, the danger exists where ‘I’ remain, that is the risk.

VINEETO: It reminds me that I was writing to you on similar lines back in November last year when it was obviously too early to sink in –

Richard: The doorway to an actual freedom has the word ‘extinction’ written on it. This extinction is irrevocable, which eliminates the psyche itself. When this is all over there will be no ‘being’ at all. (Richard, List B, No. 13, 26 May 1999)

Vineeto: When you understand this basic fact, at the deepest core of your ‘being’, that the actual world, and therefore pure intent and all the wonderful experiences you had of the “mirificent flavour of pure intent”, is outside of ‘your’ domain then you won’t continue to fool yourself … (Actualvineeto, Kuba 11, 1 November 2025)

A very significant experiential observation that you are now, what Richard described in a private email, on his side of the wall of fear surrounding all of humanity.

Richard: ‘Vineeto, who is now fully out-from-control/in a fully different-way-of-being, and thus on my side of that enormous wall of fear completely encircling all of humankind, ...’ (24.12.2009)

Or as Geoffrey put it –

Geoffrey: I was thinking about the unknown path lying before me (the path that deliver the goods – as I knew from the PCE), and realised in a flash that the unknown path is the safe path. That the known is the unsafe. That ‘I’ am the unsafe. (Geoffrey, Becoming Free Report)

A wonderful place to be … and more to come.

Cheers Vineeto (Actualvineeto, Kuba 12, 3 January 2026)

January 9 2026

KUBA: There is an experiencing happening lately which makes me think of the last of the winter’s frost melting away and the coming of spring with life bursting all around. Except it is those last vestiges of ‘me’ making way for the “utter fullness” [my attempt at a bit of art].

This utter fullness, it not only refers to the world, it also refers to the flesh and blood body called Kuba:

Richard: Voluntary ‘self’-sacrifice means an altruistic offering, a philanthropic contribution, a generous gift, a charitable donation, a magnanimous present; to devote and give over one’s being as a humane gratuity, an open-handed endowment, a munificent bequest, a kind-hearted benefaction. A sacrifice is the relinquishment of something valued or desired for the sake of something more important or worthy … it is the deliberate abandonment, relinquishment, forfeiture or loss for the sake of something illustrious, brilliant, extraordinary and excellent. It means to forgo, quit, vacate, discontinue, stop, cease or immolate so that one’s guerdon is to be able to be unrepressed, unconstrained, unselfconscious, uninhibited, unrestrained, unrestricted, uncontrolled, uncurbed, unchecked, unbridled, candid, outspoken, spontaneous, relaxed, informal, open, free and easy. As I have remarked before, ‘I’ go out in a blaze of glory. [Emphasis by Kuba]. (Richard, List B, No. 33c, 23 June 2000).

This is what I glimpsed yesterday, that the flesh and blood body called Kuba has/is an organic integrity, there is a free flowing dignity intrinsic to what he is, whereas ‘I’ can never be that as ‘I’ am an identity. This is a difference not in degree but in kind, it’s a difference that ‘I’ can never ever possibly make up – this ‘I’ can also see without a shadow of a doubt now.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Ah, this is so wonderful and marvellous to read and it reminds me (of course) of a passage from your favourite book –

Richard: Mercilessly exposed in the bright light of awareness – apperception casts no shadows – ‘I’ can no longer find ‘my’ position tenable. ‘I’ can only live in obscuration, where ‘I’ lurk about, creating all sorts of mischief. ‘My’ time is speedily coming to an end, ‘I’ can barely maintain ‘myself’ any longer. (Richard’s Journal, Article 18, p. 135).

Cheers Vineeto (Actualvineeto, Kuba 12, 9 January 2026)