April 17 2025

VINEETO: Perhaps it’s a good idea (…) to look for a resistance or hesitation regarding a PCE because the implications can seem too much.

SONYA: Logically, I can’t pinpoint any resistance or hesitation regarding remember a PCE. Of course there is a possibility there is something I am doing sub-consciously. When I think about why I may not want to remember a PCE nothing really comes up. Why would I not want to remember perfection? More digging may be required here.

VINEETO: Ah well, perhaps there is no resistance, it was just a guess. However, I noticed you said “logically”, so there is the possibility of looking emotionally?

Besides, the more you enjoy and appreciate being here, the more you are in the perfect position to allow a PCE to happen by naïvely “going boldly where angels fear to tread”, as the saying goes – with adult sensibility of course.

Incidentally, sexual intimacy coupled with naiveté is an ideal opportunity as well to allow a PCE to happen. Richard talks about this in detail here. (Richard, List D, No. 20, 9 December 2009).

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Sonya, 17 April 2025).

May 13 2025

VINEETO: Incidentally, sexual intimacy coupled with naiveté is an ideal opportunity as well to allow a PCE to happen. Richard talks about this in detail here (Richard, List D, No. 20, 9 December 2009).

SONYA: So, I’ve been reading this over and over again today. All I can say is WOW! It’s cool to read how much better sex could be, how much more intimate I could be with Kuba.

Richard: It was not until after the four-hour PCE, which initiated the process resulting in an actual freedom, that it became obvious to me what such loss of self actually meant. Accordingly, I deliberately set out to induce a PCE via giving myself completely to her – totally and utterly – whilst hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm. (Richard, List D, No. 6, 10 November 2009).

This bit really got to me, It made me realise how I much I pull back when having sex. There’s a fear of giving myself to him. I feel like I need to hold back. I’m not sure why, it might be out of habit from previous sexual encounters with other people where it wasn’t the safest of situations. But I’ve just clocked what I’ve been doing. I do remember clearly one time experiencing the below mentioned “great sex” which was full of sweetness and I was so thrilled with it I immediately told my girlfriends. I think that’s what I need to keep referring back as my reference until I decide to raise the bar.

Magical sex sounds pretty fucking cool haha!

VINEETO: Hi Sonya,

It’s really fortuitous that you discovered that you don’t “need to hold back” in sexual intimacy – it is the best way to explore intimacy and naiveté and experience instant tangible rewards. “Great sex which was full or sweetness” gives you the perfect motivation to have more of it, and take notice and then decline the emotional obstacles that could prevent experiencing such sweet intimacy again and again.

Don’t get discouraged when you discover some feelings of wanting to pull back, or some fear of going too far – this is only natural because sexuality has been for centuries accompanied by the strongest religious/ spiritual and social taboos. It is the most delicious and most straight-forward way to lose one’s ‘self’.

That’s when magical sex happens.

Richard: Good sex relates to togetherness. Very good sex relates to closeness. Great sex relates to sweetness. Excellent sex relates to richness. Magical sex relates to actuality.

To explain: togetherness is the companionship of doing things together – be it shopping, cooking, having sex, whatever – and pertains to the willingness to be and act in concert with another. A closeness is where the personal boundaries are expanded to include the other into one’s own space; this is a normal type of intimacy. A sweetness is when closeness entrées a lovely delight at the proximity of the other (although it can veer off into affection, ardency, love, oneness). A richness (aka an excellence experience) is where sweetness segues into a near-absence of agency via letting-go of control and one is the sex and sexuality (the beer and not the doer). Magical sex is where sex and sexuality are happening of their own accord – neither beer nor doer extant – and pristine purity abounds (an immaculate perfection). (Richard, List D, No. 6, 10 November 2009).

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Sonya, 13 May 2025).

June 9 2025

Vineeto to Claudiu: My period of being out-from-control started when I (metaphorically speaking) traversed the ‘wall of fear’, described by Richard as ‘a fear so vast as to best be called dread’ occurring at the ‘utter imminence’ at the gate to an actual freedom. (Direct Route, James, 16 Jan 2010).

IAN: Hi Vineeto,

Could you please go into more detail on this wall of fear and traversing it. How did you come across it, were you aware of it while you were traversing, did anything in particular bring you there, or was it the inevitable result of increasing naiveté? Would love to get a better picture of this as I get the sense that something like that is lurking at the edges of my consciousness and possibly what keeps me in the corral. Its hard to say exactly what would be useful to hear but anything that fills in the blanks a little bit more would be great if you could.

VINEETO: Hi Ian,

A very timely question. I recently remembered the whole story and I was looking forward to the right opportunity to tell the story.

It happened around end of November/ beginning of December 2009. Richard showed me and Peter a short video where a young woman was filming herself having pleasuring herself with unabashed delight. It was obvious that she was entirely unselfconscious, not acting, not pretending, but simply having a great time. Hers was a genuinely naïve enjoyment and celebration of her sexuality, an unbridled and uninhibited sensuality and sensuosity. ‘Vineeto’ was impressed, and at the end of the video ‘she’ said “if she can do it I can do it”.

You’ll have to remember that two weeks before Richard had impressed up ‘her’ to come out-from-control (Richard, List D, No .25, 6 February 2012). So ‘Peter’ and ‘Vineeto’ went to the bedroom, and with such naïve demonstration it was indeed easy to imitate and replicate the naïve unbridled enjoyment of sexuality and sensuality. That’s how ‘Vineeto’ lost ‘her’ own inhibitions.

When Respondent No. 4(D) met us [Peter, Pamela, Tom, Richard and myself] on 5^th December 2009, ‘Vineeto’ finally noticed the change in ‘herself’ and happily whispered to Richard “psst, I am out-from-control” –

‘Vineeto’: The other observation from this period of being out-from-control worth sharing, I was able to make when ‘No. 4(D)’ came for a visit. I remember clearly one day sitting in a circle of 5 friends, utterly relaxed despite the fact that I had never met one of them in person, and I noticed that I had no personal agenda whatsoever, no plan to stir the conversation into a particular direction, nothing to emphasize or hide, no self-centredness or favouritism, no shame, shyness, embarrassment, no power or drive – I was just being myself as I was. I sat in this group, as one of many, and my sole interest was that everyone present (including me as one of those present) enjoyed themselves/ obtained the maximum benefit from our meeting. I experienced myself as being unreservedly at ease and utterly benign and wasn’t driven to say anything unless it contributed to the overall quality of the conversation. (Direct Route, James, 16 Jan 2010).

Funnily enough, I completely forgot the event which had set it all in motion and allowed me to traverse the ‘wall of fear’ without noticing what ‘I’ had done, so to speak. Obviously, my social-conditioned mind still had come to terms with the newly discovered reality. It was months later when Richard reminded me of the ‘fear-shattering’ event. It’s quite a laugh!

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Ian, 9 June 2025).

September 18 2025

KUBA: Oh and I will just add with regards to the below :

• [Richard]: “(...) back when I was a normal man I came close to the loss of self already mentioned on several occasions (in my first marriage) only to instinctively pull-back, out of instantaneous fear at such imminence, as it intuitively seemed she would thus take over my mind and make me her slave for ever and a day.

It was not until after the four-hour PCE, which initiated the process resulting in an actual freedom, that it became obvious to me what such loss of self actually meant.

Accordingly, I deliberately set out to induce a PCE via giving myself completely to her – totally and utterly – whilst hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm (something which I had discovered whilst pubescent).

And then ... !Hey Presto! ... no separation whatsoever.

(Incidentally, rather than that intuitive fear of thus being her slave coming true it was quite instructive to have her then relate how she had been fantasising about a current heart-throb pop singer all the while I was giving myself to her totally)”. (Richard, List D, No. 6, 10 November 2009).

In the past this was experienced as a severe threat, to consider allowing the above, this must be interesting for you to read, how ‘I’ make something so delightful into a threat but indeed it was scary to contemplate. The closeness and the delight of such proximity, that can be terrifying for ‘me’.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

What you say is no surprise as ‘Vineeto’ had similar feelings regarding more and more intimacy which meant being increasingly naked with less and less to hide, and this included an exploratory period after becoming basically free. And yet was so utterly delightful whenever a barrier is overcome and the bester time of my life.

KUBA: But it is not like so anymore, there is still something like a cautiousness there, but mixed in with this cautiousness there is also this possibility of something sweet to be found in that direction.

VINEETO: That’s good to hear. Grace’s gradations may be of help (or you make your own) and usually the process is a back and forth of daring and retreating and then caring and daring again. You might find the selected correspondence on sensuousness, on sex and on intimacy informative. And Sonya said “Magical sex sounds pretty fucking cool”.

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Kuba 10, 18 September 2025a).

September 19, 2025

CHRONO: I have been coasting along with some occasional pulling back. But I have not fallen back into feeling bad like before at all. I know that I simply have to feel good and that has been an easy thing. Attentiveness is optimally active. Any issue is always solved by returning to feeling good. I find that I am also able to sleep much better consistently and I no longer have any worries around it. This is a huge thing as I had a lot of issues with sleeping with anxiety and fears always getting in the way. This way back to feeling good, I don’t think that I can ever forget it anymore.

VINEETO: Hi Chrono,

With “attentiveness [being] optimally active” you have an excellent basis for your next adventure to unravelling the mysteries of sex, desire and intimacy.

CHRONO: These past few weeks though, I have been trying to explore sex and sexual desire. Trying to sort out the two. I’ve been wondering how I can be ‘closer’ during sex and what role does sexual desire play, if any? I find that the energy of this desire overtakes and diverts the experience into a fantasy realm. Peter’s writing was very helpful and this in particular I liked:

Peter: I recognised the behaviour and feelings in myself, saw the appalling consequences both to my happiness and that of others … and then they simply disappeared. The complete and total understanding of a belief and its accompanying emotions actually results in their elimination. It took a little time, a lot of diligence, introspection and plain ‘self’-obsession – and the will to keep going, to find out. It was often very fearful and I found myself not only dealing with my fears but also with the fear of all humans now and who ever have been. And then, as though by magic, one day I realised I was no longer driven. It had been a gradual process but it had come to an end – it worked. The sex drive, or instinctual passion, had virtually disappeared from my life. (Actualism, Peter, Selected Writings, Sex)

The feeling gives the impression that I would not be able to have sex at all without it. That I must always fuel it so that it can happen. But is it true?

VINEETO: This “impression” may be believed to be true but it is not a fact. The many questions Richard answered from his ongoing experience regarding delighting in sexual congress without any libido bear witness to the incredulity of his correspondents that sexual enjoyment required the presence of libido . It is my own intimate personal experience as well that libido is not at all required for optimum enjoyment of sexuality – on the contrary it had only been in the way of perfect ongoing intimacy.

CHRONO: This drive seems like it is lauded in being a ‘man’. Perhaps even central to being a ‘man’. So there’s some vested interest in maintaining it in some way. And what if I wasn’t a ‘man’ (or any such gender identity)? However, I do find over and over that it precludes intimacy. I read how sex is one of the easiest ‘gateway’ into the actual but I find it to be more difficult. Maybe there are some beliefs around it that are hindering the full experience.

VINEETO: It seems you are ready to deliberate and explore the social conditioning of your gender identity of what you, and society, considers “being a ‘man’”. There are lots of beliefs and unspoken rules and all are unhelpful to both happiness/ harmlessness or delightful harmony and intimacy with a person of the other gender. It’s worth keeping in mind that what you see is a consequence of the tried and failed spiritual legacy of both Western and Eastern religions.

Some information is collected in Basic to Full Freedom, #man-woman-identity and more in Richard’s Journal, Article Two as well as the Actual Freedom Library on those topics with their respective selected correspondence links.

Sexual intimacy is indeed “one of the easiest ‘gateway’ into the actual” but this of course refers to the naïve sensuousness and intimacy in sexual play. For instance –

Richard: As for your query regarding how the intimacy experience (IE) differs from an excellence experience (EE): qualitatively they are much the same, or similar, insofar as with both experiences there is a near-absence of agency – the beer rather than the doer is the operant – whereupon naïveté has come to the fore, such as to effect the marked diminishment of separation, and the main distinction is that the IE is more people-oriented, while the EE tends to be environmental in its scope.

In other words, with an EE the ‘aesthetic experience’ feature, for instance, or its ‘nature experience’ aspect, for example, tends to be more prominent, whilst with an IE the ‘fellowship experience’ characteristic, for instance, or its ‘convivial experience’ quality, for example, comes to the fore. In either type of near-PCE – wherein the experiencing is of ‘my’ life living itself, with a surprising sumptuosity, rather than ‘me’ living ‘my’ life, quite frugally by comparison, and where this moment is living ‘me’ (instead of ‘me’ trying to live ‘in the moment’) – the diminishment of separation is so astonishing as to be as-if incomprehensible/ unbelievable yet it is the imminence of a fellow human’s immanence which, in and of itself, emphases the distinction the most. (Richard, List D, Claudiu4, 28 January 2016)

The more you allow yourself to be naïve = guileless, artless, ingenuous, unsophisticated, open, aboveboard, direct, frank, straightforward, child-like, simple, the more you can allow sensuous intimacy without the clutter of the social identity of what a man should be, or a woman should be, for example. The sheer appreciation, amazement, marvel and wonder of the physical closeness experienced in sexual play is astonishing, to say the least.

CHRONO: On a related note, I was speaking with my partner earlier about something and I started thinking about relating and what it means to be ‘compassionate’ as she talked about some of her worries from her day. I was suddenly struck out of nowhere with a huge immense fear about what I am doing by trying to becoming free. I understood at the core what this end of ‘me’ is. It’s both the end of ‘me’ and ‘her’. The end of all humanity. The end of everything. The fear for a moment almost was going to become panic. I paused and had to backtrack and remember what feeling good is. I’ve been floundering a bit since and now have renewed vigour. It’s time to apply some more sensuosity.

VINEETO: It’s interesting to note that contemplating “what it means to be ‘compassionate’” has triggered this “huge immense fear about what I am doing by trying to becoming free”. Compassion is one of the stalwarts to keep you trapped within humanity, and contemplating to do without appeared a dangerous and therefore impossible direction to proceed.

Respondent: Is not the sense of being a human being tied up with the belief in permanence, i.e. the belief that ‘I’ am at the root of everything (as a permanent entity)

Richard: As the (sensorial) ‘sense of being a human being’ is tied up with impermanence – as in mortality – you can only be referring to the intuitive ‘sense of being a human being’ (as in immortality) ... the affective feeling of being a ‘presence’ inside the body (aka ‘being’ itself), in other words, as a psychological/ psychic entity (a metaphysical identity) rather than the sensitive feeling of being this body as a sensate/ material entity (a physical creature).

Hence spiritualism has it that, whilst the ego-self is impermanent, the soul-self is permanent and that ego-death, while the body is a living body, is essential to reveal who one really is – an immortal spirit-being – whereas actualism has that identity-death in toto (extinction) is essential to make apparent what one actually is (a mortal human being) ... and therein lies the rub: as a spirit-being one is so very real, so very, very real at times, one is prepared to do virtually anything – virtually anything at all – than go blessedly into oblivion so that what is actually permanent can become apparent. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 54, 7 November 2003).

And yet you know from your PCE(s) that there is a third alternative to practicing compassion or abandonment. But ultimately it does indeed mean “the end of ‘me’ and ‘her’. The end of all humanity” and this fact takes time to digest and get used to. I’m reminded of Geoffrey’s last line in his recent contribution –

Geoffrey: When one knows what it is one wants, and when one knows what it is one must sacrifice, then only the sensible action remains.

Now with “renewed vigour” (renewed pure intent?) you can see your way forward.

It bodes well for wondrous experiences in “some more sensuosity”.

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Chrono 2, 19 September 2025).

September 20 2025

• [Richard]: “(...) back when I was a normal man I came close to the loss of self already mentioned on several occasions (in my first marriage) only to instinctively pull-back, out of instantaneous fear at such imminence, as it intuitively seemed she would thus take over my mind and make me her slave for ever and a day.

It was not until after the four-hour PCE, which initiated the process resulting in an actual freedom, that it became obvious to me what such loss of self actually meant.

Accordingly, I deliberately set out to induce a PCE via giving myself completely to her – totally and utterly – whilst hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm (something which I had discovered whilst pubescent).

And then ... !Hey Presto! ... no separation whatsoever.

(Incidentally, rather than that intuitive fear of thus being her slave coming true it was quite instructive to have her then relate how she had been fantasising about a current heart-throb pop singer all the while I was giving myself to her totally)”. (Richard, List D, No. 6, 10 November 2009).

FELIPE: Hi Vineeto,

Thanks in advance!

VINEETO: Hi Felipe,

Perhaps you missed my second-last message to Kuba two days ago, where I gave him supportive links to a similar question he had – how to give himself completely to another –

Vineeto to Kuba: You might find the selected correspondence on sensuousness, on sex and on intimacy informative.

Here is an excerpt from the selected correspondence on sensuousness –

RESPONDENT (No. 6): You do not prescribe to fellow humans, but do you recommend the above sensible approach rather than ‘experimenting’ with fellow human beings to explore sexuality or actual intimacy?

RICHARD to (No. 6): Oh, no ... not at all (that above approach is only in regards to an actual freedom from the human condition). No, on the contrary, exploring sex and sexuality is enormously beneficial: there is no better way, in my experience, for a man and a woman to approach such intimacy than sexual congress. For instance, back when I was a normal man I came close to the loss of self already mentioned on several occasions (in my first marriage) only to instinctively pull-back, out of instantaneous fear at such imminence, as it intuitively seemed she would thus take over my mind and make me her slave for ever and a day.

It was not until after the four-hour PCE, which initiated the process resulting in an actual freedom, that it became obvious to me what such loss of self actually meant. Accordingly, I deliberately set out to induce a PCE via giving myself completely to her – totally and utterly – whilst hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm (some thing which I had discovered whilst pubescent). And then ... !Hey Presto! ... no separation whatsoever. (Incidentally, rather than that intuitive fear of thus being her slave coming true it was quite instructive to have her then relate how she had been fantasising about a current heart-throb pop singer all the while I was giving myself to her totally).

RESPONDENT (No. 6): I am aware that PCE and EE are much more possible during sexual intimacy and congress hence the urge to experiment.

RICHARD to (No. 6): Yes, indeed so. Both my third wife (de facto) and my second wife (de jure) were very keen to experiment. For instance, my third wife initially set out to explore her ‘wild side’ (to use the jargon) as she was most appreciative of being with a man with no limits – no limiting fear – in regards the vast extent, and a near-insatiability at times, of female sexuality. Curiously enough, in the end it was her very own fear (of female sexuality) which set the limits. But, until then rampant sexuality took place morning, noon and night – all throughout the period of writing those millions of words to my fellow human beings – and much was uncovered/ discovered about female sexuality. She has a scale of quality in regards sexual experience: good, very good, great, excellent and magical.

Good sex relates to togetherness. Very good sex relates to closeness. Great sex relates to sweetness. Excellent sex relates to richness. Magical sex relates to actuality.

To explain: togetherness is the companionship of doing things together – be it shopping, cooking, having sex, whatever – and pertains to the willingness to be and act in concert with another. A closeness is where the personal boundaries are expanded to include the other into one’s own space; this is a normal type of intimacy. A sweetness is when closeness entrées a lovely delight at the proximity of the other (although it can veer off into affection, ardency, love, oneness). A richness (aka an excellence experience) is where sweetness segues into a near-absence of agency via letting-go of control and one is the sex and sexuality (the beer and not the doer). Magical sex is where sex and sexuality are happening of their own accord – neither beer nor doer extant – and pristine purity abounds (an immaculate perfection).

Ain’t life grand! (Richard, List D, No. 6, 10 November 2009)

RESPONDENT: Hello Richard, Fascinating post, Can you please elaborate on: ‘(...) accordingly, I deliberately set out to induce a PCE via giving myself completely to her – totally and utterly (...)’ ? Me and my partner are currently experimenting with freeing our encumbered sexuality with little success so far and your comments might help in pointing us in the right direction.

RICHARD: G’day No. 20, First of all, I never did respond to your very first post back in May this year (I was inundated with responses/ reactions I was ill-prepared for and many slipped under my radar). Viz.:

• [Respondent]: Hello everybody, I’m a new to this mailing list. I’ve been on the wide and wondrous path for a little more than a year now with a certain amount of success that was apparently enough to keep me on the path. I’m a 27 year old male, living with a female partner who is also practicing actualism. It’s nice to meet you all and I’m looking forward to many fruitful discussions into how to bring about this so-desired-yet-so-elusive peace as soon as humanly possible.

P.S. Richard’s comeback to an active mailing list had a definite influence on the decision to finally take an active part instead of passively reading it occasionally. Welcome back Richard. (Message 5656, 17.5.2009).

Apart from a belated thank you for your ‘welcome back’ message there is not much else to say so I will attend to your current request for elaboration on going about deliberately setting out to induce a PCE via giving oneself completely to one’s partner – totally and utterly – during sexual congress. As you have inadvertently snipped off a vital component I will re-quote the relevant section here in full for convenience:

• [Richard]: ‘Accordingly, I deliberately set out to induce a PCE via giving myself completely to her – totally and utterly – whilst hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm (something which I had discovered whilst pubescent)’. (Richard, List D, No. 6, 10 November 2009)

It was only a few years ago that I found out that what I had discovered for myself, during an intensive masturbatory period from pubescence (12 years old) to my first wedding night (19 years old), had both names and descriptions ... to wit (unromantic) titles such as ‘edging’, ‘coitus reservatus’, ‘orgasmic brinkmanship’, ‘peaking’, ‘surfing’ (and even ‘male continence’ and ‘coitus sine ejaculatione seminis’).

Here are a couple of examples: http://sexuality.about.com/od/tipstechniques/ht/edging.htm; http://tinyurl.com/sexual-edging. (Incidentally, once I had regular access to the real thing – a willing hetero-sexual partner as randy as myself – that mono-sexual practice discovered while pubescent, being devoid as it is of intimacy with a fellow human being, rapidly faded away into a vague memory where it languished unrecalled, for around 14 years, until being resurrected for the purpose of giving myself completely, totally and utterly to my first wife).

Now, to explain hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm it may be of assistance to present it graphically: as an orgasm requires building up to a peak of sexual excitation, before tipping over the other side for a glorious slide down the slope on that other side of the mountain, it can be represented by an upside down ‘V’.

As the aim is to prolong that exquisite moment prior to tipping over the other side it requires a slight pulling-back downwards, of sexual excitation when an orgasm is imminent; within seconds, once the sexual excitation stabilises, it can be intensified once more; again, upon an orgasm being imminent, another slight pulling-back downwards, of sexual excitation is required; and once that sexual excitation stabilises, it too can be intensified once more ... and so on and so on and so on. What will happen, upon much delicious practice – ain’t life grand! – is that the slight pulling-back downwards, of sexual excitation when the orgasm is once again imminent, becomes both easier and easier and less and less downwards; eventually there can be an easing back-and-forth, at the moment just prior to the orgasm’s imminence, along an ever-increasingly lengthening plateau at the peak; this can be represented by that upside down ‘V’ having a flat-line where there was once only an apex.

Again with much delicious practice – my word life is indeed grand! – that flat-line peak can be lengthened indefinitely as the need to pull-back downwards decreases with experience; eventually there is the aforementioned hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm with but the slightest increase/ decrease in sexual excitation; at this stage the upside down ‘V’ with the flat-line plateau – where there was once only an apex – can be representative by that flat-line plateau disappearing off either side of this page (with no sloping sides at either end to represent the slope both up to and down from that indefinitely prolonged peaking plateau).

Please note that this disappearance of the slopes is vital as the aim is for there to be only that plateau and neither climbing up nor sliding down ever happens; there is only the hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau when all else drops away. Once this is established the sex takes care of itself and full attention can be paid to intimacy; with much delicious practice – oh how grand life is! – the attainment of that endlessly orgastic plateau can be obtained within 60-90 seconds after penile penetration (provided there be sufficient sexual stimulation just prior such as the oh-so-delicious soixante-neuf – which perfect arrangement of face-to-genital distancing almost makes one think those credulous persons believing in an ‘Intelligent Designer’ may have a point after all – as there cannot possibly be a more delightful way to prepare for hours of orgastic hovering whilst intimacy unfolds in all its luscious wonder).

Now, the way to have intimacy unfold, in all its luscious wonder, is to be aware all the while (with that unique human ability to be conscious of being sentient) that your sexual partner likes being with you so much that they are willing to spend their most valuable asset – their time – not only being with you but having you inside them/ having them inside you (dependent upon gender) for this most physically intimate way of associating possible.

In other words one is always aware, with that second-level awareness, all the while primary consciousness is sexually engrossed, just how precious this opportunity is as – out of all 3.0 billion women/ out of all 3.0 billion men (dependent upon gender) – this fellow human being has chosen you, and only you, to be so intimately entwined with. In short: having sex/ being intimate with her/ with him (dependent upon gender) is very special – so special as to be precious – and this very preciosity readily enables giving oneself completely to one’s partner – totally and utterly – during sexual congress.

All this while the hands, fingers, lips, tongue and eyes can roam all about with much delicious kissing, nibbling, nuzzling, fondling, smelling, listening, tasting, touching, looking and all the rest which such a physical embrace, such physical proximity so exquisitely provides for; the neck below the ear-lobe, for instance, is an especial delight and to eventually indulge in never-ending open-mouthed kissing – at the heights of sexual arousal – is to be breathing each other’s breath in a most personal way of gradually depriving the brain of oxygen as to even further increase both arousal and intimate contact (togetherness, closeness, sweetness, richness, actuality).

(Meanwhile, back at the sex taking care of itself, that hovering indefinitely on the orgastic plateau has catapulted one into what I chose to call a sexual world: another dimension, as it were, where sex and sexuality is virtually dripping off the walls; a sexual dimension where all you are is an enormous penis/ an enormous vagina (dependent upon gender) which has grown legs and feet to walk to food and drink sources to sustain itself/ yourself, and arms and hands to assist in that process, so as to have yet more and more of what it/ you is/ are here for at this particular moment (endless effortless sexual congress); a rampant sexual dimension where all other people and things have receded into the background; a dripping-with- sex-and-sexuality dimension where there is only this beginningless and endless moment where you both cannot ever possibly have enough of each other; a consummately durationless moment where all there is is you and her/ you and him (dependent upon gender) hovering on that endlessly orgastic plateau of supreme sexuality and intimacy).

And then ... !Hey Presto! ... no separation whatsoever. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List D, No. 20, 9 December 2009).

The follow-up correspondence explains it further.

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Felipe, 20 September 2025).

September 24 2025

VINEETO: This “impression” may be believed to be true but it is not a fact. The many questions Richard answered from his ongoing experience regarding delighting in sexual congress without any libido bear witness to the incredulity of his correspondents that sexual enjoyment required the presence of libido (Richard, Selected Correspondence, Sex). It is my own intimate personal experience as well that libido is not at all required for optimum enjoyment of sexuality – on the contrary it had only been in the way of perfect ongoing intimacy.

CHRONO: Hi Vineeto,

I can readily see that it gets in the way of intimacy, but I have been contemplating how can this powerful drive be utilized. It’s been difficult to contemplate outside of the opposites in regards sexual desire. Initially there’s even a small sense of shame in wanting to completely indulge in it. I found your post (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Felipe, 20 September 2025) with Richard’s expanded description of the way towards sexual congress happening of its own accord very illuminating. Part of me is actually in disbelief that sex can even be that good haha. What stood out to me the most though and perhaps may serve as a line of demarcation in my approach was this:

Richard: Now, the way to have intimacy unfold, in all its luscious wonder, is to be aware all the while (with that unique human ability to be conscious of being sentient) that your sexual partner likes being with you so much that they are willing to spend their most valuable asset – their time – not only being with you but having you inside them/ having them inside you (dependent upon gender) for this most physically intimate way of associating possible.

In other words one is always aware, with that second-level awareness, all the while primary consciousness is sexually engrossed, just how precious this opportunity is as – out of all 3.0 billion women/ out of all 3.0 billion men (dependent upon gender) – this fellow human being has chosen you, and only you, to be so intimately entwined with. In short: having sex/ being intimate with her/ with him (dependent upon gender) is very special – so special as to be precious – and this very preciosity readily enables giving oneself completely to one’s partner – totally and utterly – during sexual congress. (...). (Richard, List D, No. 20, 9 December 2009).

VINEETO: Hi Chrono,

Can you see that the post from Richard answers your question regarding “how can this powerful drive [of libido] be utilized”. It “is to be aware all the while (with that unique human ability to be conscious of being sentient) that your sexual partner likes being with you so much that they are willing to spend their most valuable asset – their time – not only being with you but having you inside them/ having them inside you (dependent upon gender) for this most physically intimate way of associating possible.” Being aware of being conscious almost automatically gives rise to appreciation and the wonder of it all happening – and this way the energy of “powerful [affective] drive” of libido is channelled into enjoyment and appreciation with marvellous results.

CHRONO: It sounds weird to say, but it’s this appreciation of my partner in this way that I find to be a new direction. And he also uses the word ‘preciosity’, which exact word has come to my mind when I’ve experienced the sweetness of this moment before. The same preciosity that I want to experience again. Sexual desire on its own has a disregard about it that may be the reason why it needs to be kept in check. I’ll try all of this next time and see! I might need to work on my ability to ‘hover indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm’. I’m wondering if that ability would also be of any use even if one was by oneself.

VINEETO: Well, in terms of the actualism method, which is enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive, it is not “weird” at all – in fact it is appreciation which exponentially multiplies one’s enjoyment and can catapult you into naïveté. Also the more you appreciate of your partner in this way increases the intimacy and appreciation thereof, and as Richard says, “be warned, the sky is not the limit.”

To extend the time hovering on that orgastic plateau certainly needs practice but who would object to that. Lots to discover!

*

VINEETO: It seems you are ready to deliberate and explore the social conditioning of your gender identity of what you, and society, considers “being a ‘man’”. There are lots of beliefs and unspoken rules and all are unhelpful to both happiness/ harmlessness or delightful harmony and intimacy with a person of the other gender. It’s worth keeping in mind that what you see is a consequence of the tried and failed spiritual legacy of both Western and Eastern religions.

Some information is collected in Basic to Full Freedom, #man-woman-identity and more in Richard’s Journal, Article Two as well as the Actual Freedom Library on those topics with their respective selected correspondence links.

CHRONO: I am still reading over much of the correspondence so I will reflect on it as I finish.

VINEETO: It’s certainly beneficial to reflect, but then any realisation needs to be actualised in order to bear fruit. It’s amazing what you can uncover with naiveté and pure intent and how your attitude and behaviour will change towards more benevolent, amiable and friendly action toward your fellow male and female human beings including yourself.

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Chrono 2, 24 September 2025).

September 28 2025

KUBA: So I woke up pretty excited about this new thing to explore – actual intimacy. It clicked yesterday that essentially I conflated an emotional intimacy with actual intimacy and then wrongly thought that to get close to the other meant to wade into the waters of emotional intimacy. So whatever resistance I had towards getting close to the other, it was based in a misunderstanding.

There is this rather cliche sign that hangs upon entrances to various martial arts academies – “Leave your ego at the door”, the door to actual intimacy has a similar sign but it reads – “Leave ‘your’ self at the door”.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

This is splendid. It is indeed a delicious enterprise to experientially explore with eventually having nothing to hide – where you can allow the universe to live you more and more and let the felicitous and innocuous feelings (kindness, gentleness, consideration, friendliness, appreciation and wonder, to name but a few) flourish. Remember, you cannot avoid feelings as long as you are a feeling being – you can only channel all occurring feelings into felicitous and innocuous feelings.

Here is what Richard means by ‘naked’ –

Richard: By the word naked I do not necessarily mean ‘no clothes’ but, rather, much more than being merely nude; I mean having nothing to hide and everything openly on display for all to see (by those capable of having both eyes open that is) before embarking on an idyllic voyage through paradise … (Long Awaited Announcement, Tooltip after “naked crew”).

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Kuba 10, 28 September 2025).

Richard: Put succinctly, this intimity, this most intimate of intimacies, has been beyond the ken of humankind since forever! (Richard, List D, No. 46, 7 February 2016)

It’s yours for the taking.

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Kuba 10, 29 September 2025a).

November 1 2025

SONYA: Hi Vineeto,

VINEETO: Another one of the good feelings is desire, and Chrono has described his own investigation into sexual desire –

SONYA: Ah well, this one I have a little trouble with. I’m not too sure if I’ve repressed the shit out of this or what’s going on but sexual desire is not something I experience at all or very little and usually when I’m in my ovulation part of the cycle. I think I may have repressed it only because magical sex is not happening. Being intimate with Kuba is fun but he has said before, and I definitely agree that I lack the zest for sex.

VINEETO: Ha, you might discover there is more zest hidden in the secret folds of your being, stifled by early conditioning. Recently I told Ian ‘Vineeto’s’ story how ‘she’ managed to get out from under control via letting go of ‘her’ restrictions regarding sexuality, at age 56! It was a lot of fun which ‘she’ had previously missed out on. Don’t wait as long a ‘she’ did.

Cheers Vineeto (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Sonya, 1 November 2025).

January 16 2026

KUBA: Hi Syd,

Sooo, to cut a long story short, by attending to the fact that one is a puppet to one’s own passionate drives one can find not only greater freedom for oneself but also a greater intimacy with the person of the other gender – how neat! (Discuss Actualism, Intimacy, Kuba to Syd, 16 January 2026)

February 16 2026

CLAUDIU: Hi Syd,

SYD (3 weeks ago): What I’m discovering so far is that sexual arousal per se (in response to visual stimulus) doesn’t disrupt feeling good. That bodily arousal (the electrifying feelings generally between diaphragm and sexual center) in conjunction with the corresponding hedonic pleasure, in fact, is rather a brief pleasure to be enjoyed (sometimes cheekily) for that brief period. It is everything else that happens after that affectively, that’s the problem.

CLAUDIU: Hummmm “the electrifying feelings generally between diaphragm and sexual center” that you describe as a “bodily arousal”, are nothing other than the sensation of the hormones triggered off by the affective feelings of sexual desire (aka lust), concomitantly wrapped in and enshrouded by that very feeling of lust in and of itself. As you understood in 2012:

SYD: my experiential understanding is that affective feelings come prior to those hormonal physical reactions (the heart-pumping, the neck-tightening, pulse-racing, etc.).

RICHARD: G’day Syd, Does your experiential understanding – that affective feelings come prior to those hormonal physical reactions – include the experiential understanding that it is those affective feelings which trigger off those hormones (the hormones which produce those physical reactions)?

As in:

no affective feelings = no hormonal production; no hormonal production = no physical reaction.

(Richard, List D, Syd, 10 December 2012).

In other words, it already is affective, and with no affective feeling to trigger off in the first place, no hormones would have been produced, and thus no “bodily arousal” would happen like you describe here, with no further “everything else that happens after that affectively”.

It should be re-iterated of course that ‘good’ feelings do, ehhh, feel pleasurable, lol, lest they would not be called ‘good’. But “feeling pleasurable” is not the actualism method, as Richard explicated to you in 2016:

SYD: … for already stated reasons (how it being, overall, conductive to feeling good/ pleasant sooner than later).

RICHARD: First and foremost, you are conflating the (affective) feeling known as ‘feeling good’ with the (hedonic) feeling you call ‘feeling pleasant’ as if they were one-and-the-same-thing when they are not.

For instance:

• [Syd]: ‘I appreciate you posting this quote, as it demonstrates the notion of doing all that one can, with the full effect of ‘my’ being, in order to consistently feel pleasant[1] instead of bowing out of such a boots-and-all approach via falling for such moralistic injunctions as ‘No need to invent fancy schemes and methods’.

Footnote [1]: If you have been following the Gitter chat you would know I prefer ‘feel pleasant’ to ‘feel good’ (although they are the same) as the word ‘pleasant’ has a strong referent (‘the thing that a word or phrase denotes or stands for’) to vedana (hedonic tone) than the word ‘good’, and also because the words ‘feeling good’ have weak referent (in my mind) to its intended meaning. Consistently feeling good, in and of itself, excludes the ‘good feelings’ – as the good feelings are highly dependent’. [emphasis added]. (Message № 21385).

Essentially, hedonic-tone has three characteristics: pleasure, displeasure and neither-pleasure-nor-displeasure. Thus, affectively ‘feeling good’ has a corresponding pleasurable hedonic-tone whereas affectively ‘feeling bad’ has, as an accompaniment, a displeasureable hedonic-tone (as in, speaking colloquially, it does not feel good, hedonically, to be affectively feeling bad).

Now, whilst anger (for an obvious instance) has a displeasureable hedonic-tone, typically, under certain circumstances – and for a certain type of person – a pleasurable hedonic-tone[2] can ensue. The English word ‘glee’ (when commensurate with the German ‘schadenfreude’) is a classic example of this.

Viz.:

• glee (n.): great merriment or delight, often caused by someone else’s misfortune; (adj.): gleeful; (adv.): gleefully; (n.): gleefulnesss. ~ (Collins English Dictionary).
• glee (n.): malicious satisfaction. ~ (Princeton’s WordNet 3.0).
• glee (n.): great delight, especially from one’s own good fortune or another’s misfortune; [e.g.]: ‘his face lit up with impish glee’; ‘Too often their misfortunes are met with glee, a schadenfreude [i.e., ‘pleasure derived by someone from another person’s misfortune’] that is quite horrifying’. ~ (Oxford English Dictionary).

It is no wonder you (hedonically) feel pleasant – as per your footnoted ‘in order to consistently feel pleasant’ words as quoted further above – upon channelling that police-force calibre ‘power’ (so as to obtain dominion over those ‘run-of-the-mill’ citizens, colleagues, and etcetera), eh?

‘Tis nothing but old-fashioned gleefulness (obtained at another’s expense) under the guise of [quote] ‘standing up for oneself’ [endquote]. (Richard, List D, Syd2, 14 January 2016).

Footnote [2]: Hedonic-tone: 

An instinctual and thus affective hedonic attraction/ aversion discrimination underpins each and every feeling-thought-action which all feeling-beings manifest whenever ‘being’ itself (‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being) is present-to-itself as an affective/ psychic ‘presence’ within.

Viz.:

• hedonic (adj.): of, pertaining to, or involving pleasurable or painful sensations or feelings, considered as affects [viz.: ‘emotions, moods’]; spec. hedonic tone, the degree of pleasantness or unpleasantness associated with an experience or state, esp. considered as a single quantity that can range from extreme pleasure to extreme pain. ~ (Oxford English Dictionary; 1999, 2nd. Ed.; CD-ROM Vers. 2.0).

Put succinctly: every feeling-being’s experience or state of being – including that feeling-being’s emotions, passions, moods, sentiments and, thus, affectively-tinged and/or emotionally-driven thoughts – has hedonic tone (a degree of affective pleasantness or unpleasantness/ a degree of affective pleasure or displeasure).

For instance:

• [Prof. George Stout]: ‘When we wish to say that pleasure or displeasure belongs to this or that mental process, we may say that the process is pleasantly or unpleasantly toned. Hedonic-tone is a generic term for pleasure and the reverse, considered as belonging to this or that mental process. […].

‘The hedonic tone of perception is determined by varying conditions. We may distinguish broadly the pleasure or displeasure which is directly due in the first instance to the perceptual process at the time of its occurrence, and that which arises from preformed associations. Whatever obstructs or disables perceptual process at the time of its occurrence is disagreeable; whatever favours or furthers it is agreeable. […].

‘It is difficult to bring emotions, such as anger and fear, and sentiments, such as love and hate, completely under any other head [besides pleasure and displeasure]. Certainly, an emotion, like anger, involves some kind of cognition; but it cannot be said that the specific experience of being angry directly qualifies the nature of the presented object; in other words, this experience is not a presentation. So, too, anger has hedonic-tone, mostly of an unpleasant kind’. ~ (from ‘A Manual of Psychology’ by Professor George Stout, first published 1899 by W. B. Clive, The University Tutorial Press, London).

As a matter of historical interest: the earliest record on the topic of hedonic-tone, which predates the above 1899 publication by millennia, is none other than what is known in the buddhavacana (as per the Theravādan Pali Canon) as ‘vedanā’ (approx. pron.: vay-duh-nar) or ‘vedanā-khandha’. According to Prof. James Baldwin (‘Dictionary of Philosophy and Psychology’, 1905) it was Prof. Wilhelm Wundt (1832-1920) who first coined the term hedonic-tone (translated from German, ‘Gefühlston’; approx. pron.: gar-fools-torn). (Richard, Abditorium, Hedonic Tone).

Just as glee (in the sense above) feels pleasant, so, too does lust! You can find many examples of people, ehhh… enjoying the pleasures of the feeling of lust, on various websites on the internet with ‘hub’ in the name.

Cheers,
Claudiu (Discuss Actualism, Intimacy, Claudiu to Syd, 16 February 2026)