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(List D refers to Richard’s List D
Vineeto’s Selected Correspondence Being a Friend to Yourself
SCOUT: Thanks for elaborating further. I’ve had experiences on psychedelics that were definitely ASCs but also ones that were definitely PCEs, which stand as the goalpost I have oriented my whole life around and they’re how I was able to recognize the truth in yours and Richard’s writings. VINEETO: I am not sure what you mean when you say “just presence”? Could it be that this “presence” was ‘Being’ or ‘Me’? It would be good to explore so you do not take a possible ASC as your lodestone. SCOUT: Good catch, I was using spiritual lingo here but what I really meant was just raw, un-centered senses and the inescapable present moment – like it was impossible for there to be anything other than what was immediately physically happening because whatever imaginary centerpoint that usually mediates my conscious experience and imagines a past and a future was entirely gone. VINEETO: Hi Scout, Thank you for clarifying. It’s really good that you can clearly tell the difference and thus don’t accidentally go down the wrong alley. * VINEETO: If you were really “not worried about what’s not happening now” then you would be enjoying and appreciating each moment of being alive to the point of continuously feeling excellent – but that is not the case, is it? And you wouldn’t have to ask if “the sense of the “clock ticking” is mostly just fear yeah?” SCOUT: I also may have mis-communicated here as that comment was more intended as conjecture than stating how I actually feel right now. I’m pretty ill and exhausted most of the time and I definitely still worry about it. As you pointed out though, conjecture is kind of an empty mental exercise compared to aiming to actually become free. Thank you for clarifying this as well. It’s become more apparent what you would like to achieve. * VINEETO: Don’t you want to find out how you tick, … SCOUT: Yes, so badly. I feel bad pretty often. I try to set my bearings and observe myself
honestly and keep getting lost in the weeds. But I can see my confusion and stress make my body sicker than it already is. I want to stop torturing
myself and to be well. Ah, now we are talking, lol. Here is something I recently wrote to another and they reported instant success, so I wonder if it will work for you as well … First let me tell you a fundamental fact one needs to recognize in order to successfully apply the actualism method or any other
advice I can give you – you do not have feelings, you are your feelings. Without recognizing this the method won’t work. (I
recommend a long piece of correspondence with No. 60 on the Actual Freedom list To explain: humans are born as feeling beings, babies cry before they can think, and before they even develop a sense of self – so feelings come first. But then thinking sets in and one starts to think that you have feelings which come and go and try to manipulate those feelings, blame yourself for the unwanted ones and chase the ones that you like feeling. That is a sort of subtle dissociation and it doesn’t allow you to choose how you feel, for instance felicitous. So that is an understanding which needs to happen first, at a fundamental level. You are this swirling vortex created by ever-changing instinctual passions and it is not your fault (because everyone is born that way). With this firmly in mind you can stop blaming yourself and you will find that the moment you do that, the feeling itself will diminish (not disappear) but lose some of its strength. The reason is that fighting the feeling you are feeding it. Now when you put this in practice and notice the effect, you can pat yourself on the back that you had your first insight and success. Be a friend to yourself (the only one you are with 24hrs a day). The other benefit of recognizing and accepting that you are your feelings is that you are not a victim, neither a victim of your own feelings nor a victim of other people’s feelings. This quote from Richard might be helpful as well –
Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: To “be generous with this body” doesn’t make much sense to me – when you take care of your affective moods your body benefits automatically. What is beneficial is to be a friend to yourself and not blame yourself for what you discover about yourself. Also, there is no such thing as “true actual reality” JESUSCARLOS: Thank you Vineeto ! Got it. Not only did I express my ideas wrongly, but, as you say, I wasn’t looking at the problem correctly. It makes total sense to me
what you suggest I rectify. I need to go deeper into my research to detect what exactly is the cause of my stress and anxiety. I know it’s me, both
as an ego and a soul. But more than knowing it intellectually I need to see it experientially. Now I can see that I lost the connection with pure
intent and I am simply operating from the old habits that I already know and are useful to me to defend myself in the jungle. VINEETO: Hi JesusCarlos, You are right, intellectually knowing is not enough, you need to understand how your mind, i.e. your feelings and being, ticks. Again, the actualism method is of great help – paying ongoing affective attention to how you experience yourself informs you what diminished feeling good. You find what triggered this diminishment and get back to feeling good. Then you have a look at the problem. It may just be a habitual response and will disappear when you decide to decline to go along with it. In the long run none of those “old habits” “are useful to me to defend myself in the jungle” because they only perpetuate the conflict and therefore you are feeling worried and stressful. Remember that by acknowledging that you are your feelings to are able to change how you feel. Or you find that it is a more complex pattern, then you nut out why you consider the world a jungle, why you feel that you have to protect/ defend yourself, in other words protect /defend the feeling being inside your flesh-and-blood body, thereby harming it by stress. For instance, you can ponder/ feel out if resentment plays a part, like Claudiu discovered. Cheers Vineeto
ADAM-H: then a new thought about the issue strikes me, and I start back down the feeling bad
path. ANDREW: This has been a contemplation lately, and that is there is a lot of subconscious stress,
we get so used to it that it’s just "how things are", reading what you have written really brought it into focus. What I mean is, I see
these deeper issues reflecting in all aspects of life, but often don’t acknowledge them. So, they do "pop up" when I am in a better mood,
and I know the experience of some simple intension (being determined to feel good), just not working like it did yesterday. VINEETO: Hi Andrew, The good news is that not feeling good when it happens has "brought this into focus" – and not only that but now you have more of an inkling that, and how, you can do something about it. I suggest, start with being a friend to yourself – to notice the habitual put-down of yourself (inculcated and trained for decades) and stop doing it whenever you notice. There is no need for putting yourself down at all as you already want to change for the better. So you are way ahead of your habitual ‘self’ in that you are determined to actively become more happy and harmless and have some effective tools to do it. It’s just a habit when you put yourself, so no reason to continue a bad habit. If you need more tools or understanding, it is amply explained on the Actual Freedom website, whatever topic you choose to go deeper into. You say "some issues are going to take time" – yes time, but more so courage. Courage to admit that those feelings are there despite one’s best intention and that they need to be acknowledged and sensibly looked at. Some, when discovered, you can discard right away, some are part of a larger pattern, perhaps intricately interwoven with some desire, or pride, or other cherished feelings. That takes courage to investigate. But then you will find that those cherished feelings (the ‘good’ feelings which spawn the bad ones) are not worth keeping either. Once you start it becomes either each time you have success. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: Hi Felix, So many good posts and insights! Before you end up stressing yourself from the sheer amount of what you want to do differently, let me comment on some of what you wrote – FELIX: Probably the biggest thing I’ve found is this. So much of my “determination” and
“drive” to pursue actualism has been driven by FEAR. This fear points away from itself oh so cunningly …. I’d even wake up already stressed,
and then of course you feel fearful and want to escape. Which can either be something actualism related or something completely different. VINEETO: And: FELIX: This was my way of trying to put a lid on the feeling being. To not be caring toward
myself or others. This lack of friendliness within caused my nervous system to absolutely tighten and freeze and lock up - pretty much on an ongoing
basis. I just wanted to shut everything down and “achieve” what I needed to. I didn’t want to mess things up so I ignored myself. VINEETO: One of the best help for feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ was Richard’s advice very early on to be a friend to oneself, and given that you have identified this as one of the last things you had paid attention to in your stressful period, here is a timely reminder –
Whenever you catch yourself being hard on yourself, stop, pat yourself on the back for recognizing this pattern re-emerging, and get back feeling good by declining those ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t’ demands which are designed to give you a hard time. “A hard time” is a clear sign that you are no longer on the “wide and wondrous path” so you can abandon those with the clear knowledge that they are not part of actualism anyway. FELIX: I have been hunting myself for not being able to turn “myself” into a good person. I’m starting to see that’s the whole game, I’m seeing the limits of being a self – that there is no winning. Why have I tried my whole life to be a winner then? Attempting that is pure stress. I feel ready to do something else, to lose almost, as an action. And it’s like I can feel some support there, that I won’t be
“alone in this endeavour”. That it’s possible. VINEETO: Exactly, actualism is not at all about being a “good person” – which is again using real-world values to determine what you ‘should’ do. Being sincere and naïve is far more valuable both for you and for those you interact with. Neither is the aim to be “a winner” (in everything you do) because it comes from the same internalised moral/ethical template. Here is something for you to chuckle about –
And yet despite all these failures by societal standards, the identity ‘Richard’ succeeded in what ‘he’ had set as ‘his’ priority in life. And a lot of being able to achieve his ultimate aim was made possible by discovering/ re-awakening his dormant naiveté, which made him both liking and likeable. As such, sorting out your priorities will help you determine in which areas you want to succeed and which ones are rather side-issues. FELIX: This usually reveals the beliefs that are operating. Usually a lot of shoulds about what I
should be doing, what I should be achieving, what I need to improve about myself to justify being here. Also some mean questions like why do people
not want to be around me, what’s wrong with me? Etc etc. A fried nervous system certainly helps to perpetuate this dynamic. VINEETO: Yep, whenever the way you feel dips below the line of feeling good, you know what to look for. You wrote in a previous message – FELIX: I’m reminded how Richard once told me his main goal using the actualism method
originally was “to not get triggered”. That makes a LOT of sense now – it is just so much easier to be feeling good first and then avoid
triggers. VINEETO: It sounds like the most sensible line of approach to start with – and when there are too many different triggers, get back to feeling good first and then do one, then perhaps another at your leisure. There are not as many different triggers as you might believe at first. Enjoy. Cheers Vineeto
ANDREW: Hi Vineeto, To echo Adam’s theme of initial reaction to later appreciation, I took this as encouragement but didn’t specifically have
anything to be courageous about. I was also surprised by the encouragement to be friendly with myself, it is always a great reminder for me. (…) VINEETO: Hi Andrew, Perhaps this is something to take note of – reminding yourself to be friendly with yourself until it becomes a beneficial habit. As your further post indicates, this reminder allowed you to feel some of the deeply buried fear and contemplate it. ANDREW: The drama in the moment of writing about the fear of failing again, has revealed more of the simplicity I look for these days, rather than any “thought out” type of conclusions based on the “story of my life”. The simplicity is the basic fear intrinsic to being a survival (and reproductive) program, at my core. It’s a feedback loop which is now focused on the fact there is a lot less potential life ahead, than there is behind, and the daily reminders from the aging process that this is not math, or theoretical. The fear, which is me, and has always been so much that a) was ever present, b) not admitted, ever. I distinctly remember the moment I vowed to myself I would not admit I was afraid even. It of course, didn’t stop me being afraid, but it means I denied it to myself so thoroughly that in many circumstances I didn’t even feel it. That moment was as a child when the stove caught on fire, an oil fire on the cook-top when someone had left oil heating up. I remember “screaming like a girl” and in that was even going to douse the flames with water, though I don’t remember what happened. I remember such shame sitting on the step out the front of the house, that I vowed that I would never be afraid again. I was about 10 years old, I think. I have of course, felt fear many, many times, but it is surprising how few, if any will I openly admit feeling it. I probably
have talked about it, in theory, but admitting, in the moment, that I am afraid, is rare. VINEETO: This was a harsh treatment indeed for a 10-year-old, and when fear is constantly pushed away, it automatically
grows – the very affective energy of pushing it away increases the affective charge of the unwanted feeling. And when it is seriously suppressed,
over a long period of time, it results in all kinds of psycho-somatic side-effects. For additional general information see Richard, Dissociation and
Trauma So it’s very beneficial that you can now allow to acknowledge and feel the feeling of fear, as much as you dare each time, being friendly and shining the bright light of awareness and contemplative attentiveness on those feelings.
When you apply this kind of contemplation, at bit at a time, and then perhaps longer, not getting side-tracked into imaginations or intuitions, then the affective charge of fear will diminish and allow you to more deeply understand how you tick. It might well diminish the restlessness you reported. Of course, you can do that with any feeling that arises. Cheers Vineeto
ANDREW: Hi Vineeto, Thanks for the reply. I was drunk, however, the inclination to post and cringe has been there in any state of mind. Underneath it all, there is loneliness. However, practically, there was also the thought that this "post then cringe"
pattern, which predates Actualism, indeed predates the internet itself. From one extreme to the other, with the same rebellious ideas powering the dynamic. But, I saw that loneliness as the main driving factor. The desire for connection, the desire for conversation with actualists. The knowledge that despite the "cringe" it’s going to take a village for me to change. That sounds just as pathetic to me as it surely does to others. However, is it not a fact that as of now, very few have had the
individual fortitude the make it solo? VINEETO: Hi Andrew, Thank you for your sincere reply. Perhaps the prospect of "put everything on an ‘it-doesn’t-really-matter’ basis" was a bit too daunting for now. So for now, you return to the other of the two most potent techniques – i.e. being kind to yourself, being a friend to yourself.
Being a friend to yourself really needs to take foot in your psyche and become a constant habit, not only that you won’t put yourself down but also that you don’t doubt your own "individual fortitude the make it solo". Some did "make it solo" and if they can, so can you. Being a friend to yourself there is no need to feel lonely – you have been on your own and taken care of yourself almost all of your life. Sometimes there was/is enjoyable company, but the majority of your life you took care of yourself quite well on your own. And remember, loneliness is a feeling and a feeling is not a fact. So when you stop pushing it away or endorsing it (i.e. giving it affective energy), the feeling will change and make way for feeling good again. Adam recently said it quite well –
He also reported another great insight –
ANDREW: Discussing the single most important thing to me is locked behind a screen. VINEETO: It takes time – being a genuine friend to yourself will eventually unlock your mysteries to yourself, and that’s when you can communicate it best. Cheers Vineeto PS: Don’t put too much stock in what your co-respondent says
ADAM-Cl: The allowing and going into abeyance is definitely the trickier part for me to
experientially understand and pinpoint what that looks like, if that makes sense. Not helped by how few PCE’s I have had and how long since
happening. Is the act of being sincere, naïve and happy and harmless the very same allowance or does this indicate something else I might have
misunderstood about the method? VINEETO: If by “act” you mean “a specific instance, deed, or single occurrence” – no. It is when “being sincere, naïve and happy and harmless” becomes a way of experiencing life, day after day, then magic can and will happen. Hence the actualism method is to be enjoying and appreciating being alive as much as possible. [Emphasis added].  (Richard, Actual Freedom List, James, 11 September 2005a).
Here is a further quote to explain how “‘I’ can never, ever become perfect” and how “the already always existing perfection can become apparent” –
As you can see, being kind to yourself is tantamount. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Last night I was napping and in that “in between” sleep state I kept experiencing these waves of perfection, to be more precise it was re-memorating that perfection is already here. When that perfection was being experienced it was like “of course this is how life actually is” and then it was as if it all became a fading memory again, and then it would come again to be experienced as undeniably actual. When I woke up I had those words on my mind “what if all ‘I’ know and all ‘I’ am is in fact false”, because that perfection is so undeniable and yet when ‘I’ take centre stage again it becomes just a memory, no longer actual. This shuttling from ‘me’ living in pathos and then to perfection being actual with no ‘me’ in sight is like some case of dementia… This got me contemplating on the fact that indeed ‘me’ and actuality do not mix, this is the point which took a very long time to firstly discover and then for it to sink in. That ‘I’ am a psychological and psychic ‘entity’ existing in ‘my’ self-sustained reality, that both ‘me’ and reality disappear for actuality to become apparent. Later on I was wondering about how to proceed towards the actual, towards the world which ‘I’ know exists and yet which ‘I’ can never enter. It’s clear that it is the end of ‘me’ and everything which is ‘mine’, both the dream and the dreamer have to disappear. I had this thought that it would take a total commitment and dedication to allowing that which is not of ‘me’. That the price of entry into actuality is ‘my’ very ‘self’. That last point seems to be where I am currently, balancing on the edge where it is either leaving behind what is ‘mine’ in order to allow perfection or remaining as ‘me’ in pathos. There is a certain ‘stickiness’ which is no more, which I take as a good sign. Because before to contemplate leaving behind what is ‘mine’ would trigger the most severe case of holding on, whereas now it is like allowing ‘myself’ to be washed away. But I realise that ‘I’ cannot wash ‘myself’ away, ‘I’ can only allow it to happen to ‘me’. ‘I’ cannot possibly “do the deed” because such an action would only cement ‘my’ existence further. So it is an action of allowing, of giving permission, whilst knowing full well what is entailed. 
VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Whenever you find wrestling yourself (“like some case of dementia”) remember that in this pioneering enterprise ‘you’ are your closest ally. When you, in the endeavour to bring all of ‘you’ on board to agree to ‘your’ demise, become so friendly, so intimate with yourself that you eventually viscerally reveal your deepest yearning, which is to shed this ongoing burden to be a ‘controller’, a life-preserver, a bodyguard, and to go into oblivion instead. It is a relief to be able to even admit that this secret exists, and instead of a ‘demented’ outcast you become the closest ally. I wrote about this before –
Here is more confirmation how important it is to embrace ‘me’ as an ally –
And here is why –
You see, when your intent to be actually free and you, the identity, agree, the way is open for altruistic ‘self’-immolation to happen.
Cheers Vineeto
JOSEF: Working on getting back to the basics of feeling good. I am finding that I carry a huge amount of resentment and anger towards myself for not living the life I imagined. It doesn’t just stop there, I am very self-critical of everything I do. I want it to be “perfect”. In my mind, there’s a proper way to do every single thing, and if I am not achieving that ideal, I beat myself up. For example, I am quite scared of conflict with my wife. I have been trying to solve this problem for a long time. I am nearly constantly berating myself for this. And it is true, the fear also needs to be investigated, but the self-loathing on top of it prevents any curious investigation that could lead to being more happy and harmless. So my mission for the last few weeks is to pay close attention to when I am being aggressive/ hateful towards myself. And I have noticed that it is all the time… VINEETO: Hi Josef, You are probably familiar with Richard’s suggestion of ‘being a friend to yourself’. You are presently doing the very opposite, being an enemy to yourself – perhaps originally because you were conditioned that
way and now perhaps for additional reasons. Have you been successful “for the last few weeks” when you paid “close attention to when I
am being aggressive/ hateful towards myself” in stopping yourself doing so whenever you noticed it? Because merely paying attention is not
enough, you need to replace this destructive habit with a positive, more friendly attitude towards yourself. So if you want to give yourself a task,
let it be to stop fighting against yourself whenever you notice doing it – and take a break feeling good and patting yourself on the back that you
are able to give yourself a break. Read some uplifting literature, for instance “Richard’s Audio-Taped Dialogue Silly or
Sensible” Wanting to be “perfect” only exacerbates this fight against yourself. ‘I’ can never be perfect by ‘my’ very nature. All ‘I’ can do is agree to minimise the prevalence of ‘me’ with the sincere intent to become happy and harmless. JOSEF: One big theme related to this is I always want to use my time effectively/ efficiently.
For example, if I engage in an activity and I’m not having fun, I will start becoming distressed and berating myself, for I am “wasting” this
time. But looking at this pattern repeatedly has opened some doors for me towards naïveté, where there are no rules… I can try different things
and fail, and have fun. I am trying to stop being tyrannical towards myself. VINEETO: Indeed, “becoming distressed and berating myself, for I am ”wasting“ this time” is quite common when someone striving for perfection uses actualism as an additional whip to beat themselves up. I know of one actualist who did this with such fervour until they had a nervous breakdown, which finally made them realise that this is not what actualism is about. Actualism, the key to allow you to become more happy and harmless, is converted into a weapon keeping yourself even more jailed than you already are – and it is you who is doing this to yourself! “Trying to stop being tyrannical” is not enough, you will have to actually stop, radically. It’s an addiction to suffering and you need to whole-heartedly recognize and abandon this particular addiction, which includes wanting to be ‘perfect’ and ‘virtuous’ via self-flagellation.
Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: Hello Emp, I’d like to start our conversation with something you said in your convivium report – EMP: Secondly, what I was saying to Geoffrey on the first day, that gave rise to sincerity, all
started with mentioning how I’d messaged Vineeto privately two years ago and she’d challenged me back and like the coward I am I ran for the
hills. Saying this untied a knot of fairly large proportions and then the rest of that house of cards came down. I know Vineeto doesn’t need an
apology but still… I’m a massive coward. VINEETO: There is indeed no apology needed – I realized I had been bombarding you with probing questions before we were even properly acquainted, and this was certainly not the most gentle approach. And sometimes it’s just not the right time, but perhaps now it is? If you allow me, I would like to comment on some of what you reported after you went back home – EMP: On Monday I was getting a bit antsy though. I needed to be able to get somewhere at home. The weather felt oppressive (rainy and cold, and nature seemed to be dead and barren compared to Algarve). I told my colleagues I’d work from home and with my hours a bit skewed, and went out for a walk. I did think that maybe I was being a bit insane about the whole thing, and perhaps also a bit avoidant (I do tend to have this problem) but it seemed to me that proving to myself that I could do it at home had to be my priority above all else, and I had the margins at work to be flexible. As I was walking around I started noticing that plants that had seemed dead to me started popping out when I took the time to relax and let things happen. I eventually found myself at a cliffside (with proper fencing!) looking out over the sea and the ships coming in and noticing that sweetness coming in from all sides. I could do it, even when it was raining! I played around with Gemini and plants again but had to keep an eye on other people wondering why the heck I was jumping around the cliffs looking at moss. There’s a lot of social identity there still and I need to whittle that part down. VINEETO: What I notice you seem to be a very sensuous, vivacious and passionate person but with a strong habit to put yourself down for everything you observe going on in yourself, even when it’s towards freeing yourself (“a bit insane”, “a lot of social identity”). I can understand it well because ‘Vineeto’ oft-times had similar sentiments but it is very counterproductive – ‘you’ can only be “the solution” (as well as the problem) when you are a friend to yourself, when ‘I’ become an ally in this adventure of a lifetime to undo ‘myself’. So when you talk about harmlessness, that needs to include yourself, being harmless with yourself. When you have a feeling attack – and they are bound to happen – sitting on your hands includes not beating yourself up. It’s this very beating up which feeds negative affective energy and increases the problem, whatever it is – those are the simple mechanics of how feelings (i.e. how ‘you’) operate. Not feeding them, not going in any direction while they rage is the quickest way to calm down. EMP: I started feeling my motivation ramping up. I really wanted this. I wanted what I’d experienced in Algarve like I’d never wanted anything before. I did start noticing how I was throwing myself indiscriminately at it like a rabid pit bull though. Whenever I thought of slowing down I could just hear myself going “turn down for WHAT!” and then I kept at it. (…) I’ve spent so many years being more or less entirely dissociated that getting out of it so cleanly, and then spending close to a week so close to the actual, was bound to give me some kind of whiplash getting back. VINEETO: It’s wonderful, isn’t it, to know exactly what you want. But then ‘I’ take charge and use this very wonderful aim to prove that it’s not possible by “throwing myself indiscriminately at it like a rabid pit bull”. It’s one of ‘my’, the identity’s strategies to psychologically/ psychically survive – and when you see that, really see that, you will stop doing that to yourself, become calm (realizing you have “all the time in the universe”) and experientially move towards what you want like you “never wanted anything before”. There will be backlashes and fear attacks, an actual freedom is against the instinctually-programmed nature of your being. But
there is also, deep down, a secret yearning for oblivion, for an end to this constant fighting defending the status quo, to be the ever-alert guardian
of the secret that you are being “a fraud and a parasite” EMP: I looked at the forum and saw Adam-H’s response in the convivium thread and something clicked in me. I went and got my heated blanket and snuggled up underneath it, softened my approach entirely and suddenly everything that had been bothering me just melted away. I could once again feel that undercurrent of sweetness that had suffused the entire convivium week, and this time without working myself into a pretzel just to get a whiff of it. I just lay in my bed, listening to the wind blowing things around outside and feeling calm for the first time in days. VINEETO: The very confirmation that you don’t have to fight to experience actuality, the “undercurrent of sweetness” – it is already always existing. EMP: And finally, I need to soften my approach. I’ve had a couple of really rocky days when
I’ve tried to force things while pretending I wasn’t forcing things. (…) There’s a large part of me that wants to fail, because this is scary.
It went so fast that I knew I could do it, and I could do it right away. I’ve tried to channel that part of me that wants to sabotage this as some
kind of reckless abandon but I’m not sure it works. I even wrote, as one of my first notes to myself, that ‘I’ grow and stay alive in the
friction, in the desperation and in the phugoid oscillations I keep creating for myself. If I succeed I’m gone and no longer needed, and that still
frightens me. I can see, whenever I get closer to the sweetness and actuality, that I’m not needed, but I need to do this with more situations and
also not working so hard for it, almost driving myself silly in the process. VINEETO: This is very perspicacious and you have a wonderful way of expressing it (I had to look up what you are creating for yourself). “Working so hard for it” is certainly counterproductive and a tricky way of ‘you’, the identity taking and maintaining control –
EMP: PS. I also had a bit of a chuckle at myself; I’ve had some kind of experience every day
now, of the sweetness, seeing glimpses of the actual, finding my way back to the golden clew. Everything has taken on a glittering quality even in my
day-to-day living and here I am, still beating myself up over Not Doing Enough. VINEETO: Ah, that is great when you can see the humour and silliness of “beating myself up over Not Doing Enough”. It’s only a matter of the bad habit of beating yourself up but that can be fixed with friendly patience and perseverance. All the best with lots of enjoyment and appreciation, and the sweetness of pure intent. Cheers Vineeto
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