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(List D refers to Richard’s List D
Vineeto’s Selected Correspondence Fear
SCOUT: The instruction is simple but it really is quite challenging in practice, in that the internal emotional world can be viscerally painful. I’m a pretty sensitive person prone to being easily overwhelmed (this is an unhappy and uncomfortable existence, which is why I started seeking out a better way of living in the first place). I really don’t like pain, so often when something in my psyche hurts to look at, I will run away from the challenge. However, I find it hard to return to “feeling good” without direct acknowledgment of whatever it is standing in the way of that, so trying to numb and run away from the feeling I don’t like doesn’t help me. It’s like there’s this meta-layer of fear of my own psyche. The feelings themselves (grief, fear) can be intense, but they are often somatic and don’t last too long without the fuel of ongoing thought, and even amidst grief or fear I can watch what’s happening in my body and see where I am tensing in resistance to the feelings, which often hurts more than the feeling itself. What also often hurts more than the feeling is the anticipation that the feeling will be bad and painful, the resistance to experiencing it and the desire to escape. I can see that this dread is pointless because it just adds unnecessary pain to the necessary pain. VINEETO: Hi Scout, You discovered for yourself that “meta-layer of fear”, which I would call underlying layer of fear, prevents you to look at the painful/ sorrowful emotions. As such I would recommend again, what I wrote to you before –
And
SCOUT: It takes some real work to unlearn the resistances and avoidances I’ve spent a
lifetime leaning on. I can also see why it might be hard for people to do this without a clear PCE for reference; the
glimpses of peace I get are incredibly nice, but the addictive, dopaminergic pleasure derived from the habits I use
to escape myself is much more accessible, and offers a buzzier thrill. But it doesn’t feel real or complete in the
way that the peace feels. I think it might take me some time to break my addictions but the more I observe them
clearly, the more they start to fall away on their own. VINEETO: Indeed, it does take some time but what it really takes is action. Observing is not
enough and they won’t fall away by themselves. Actualism is not the neo-buddhistic ‘noting’ which is nothing
but a dissociation practice. Check out (when you are feeling good) Claudiu’s excellent description from December
2012, what detrimental effect the MCTB advice given to him by the DhO participants had on him, and how he eventually
managed to extract himself from the habit of noting/ dissociation. When you observe that any exploration into suffering brings up fear, and also observe your habitual reaction of rejecting the fear, take action by deciding to stop fighting the fear (neither repressing nor expressing) – and see what happens. The more actively responsive you are to your observations of habitual resistance and actively decide to stop fighting the fear, the less time it takes to “break my addictions”. They don’t fall away on their own but you can replace the addictive behaviour with the more beneficial alternative. *
SCOUT: I don’t think I can emotionally accept it, can I? I just saw this video on Instagram (child abuse warning [snipped link]). It feels very painful to watch. It makes me feel compassion and the urge to do anything to help humanity because it’s the most fucking depressing thing in the world to see an innocent child screaming out for love and begging to have its needs met. (…) VINEETO: Just because you “don’t think” that this is possible, and then prove this with another feeling response (to two stories about child abuse) means that your “I don’t think” is factual. Wouldn’t you rather say you ‘don’t feel’ that this is possible? Can you think again, when you are feeling good, and make a sincere distinction between “intellectually unacceptable” and emotionally unacceptable? Presently you merely proved to yourself that your addiction to suffering is indeed unchangeable and therefore justified. Do you recognize the trick you play with yourself? You simply changed suffering about your own pain (which is too difficult to look at because of an underlying fear) to suffering for other people’s sake, especially in situations in which you can do nothing and where your own sympathy, empathy and compassion can offer no practical assistance. It only makes you suffer on their behalf on top of suffering on your own behalf so that you can feel less ‘selfish’.
With this change of suffering for others’ sake you now deepened/ enhanced your own suffering and thus made any changes to your addiction to suffering more unlikely. I am pointing this out so that you can begin to recognize your own tricks employed not to change (‘you’ the frightened identity, which is very inventive and cunning in order to remain in charge). SCOUT: But then what do I do? Notice myself feeling sad and outraged and see how it’s
ineffective? It hurts a lot to feel this way, that much is clear. My mind argues that it’s selfish to just focus on
eliminating pain for myself and cut myself off from the pain of others. It really breaks my heart. I want to help the
suffering stop. VINEETO: Claudiu pointed out quite rightly –
To genuinely, effectively and actually “help the suffering stop” you start with yourself, the only person you can change. An ‘unselfish’ self is still a self and there is no virtue in increasing the suffering by suffering for others while doing nothing to stop inflicting your own suffering on others (via psychic vibes for instance).
First stop fighting the fear when it arises and allow, in the experiencing of it, to get the information you need in order to get back to feeling good. When feeling good – with less emotional interference – you can think about what you have read and found sensible and apply the advice that makes sense to you. If it works to minimize your suffering, continue, if not contemplate again identify what other triggers keep you from feeling good. One thing is for sure, suffering on others’ behalf or feeling sorry for your own emotional pain is not working to “help the suffering stop”. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: What I can see is that there is some kind of an addiction to the apparent safety of ‘being’, of suffering. That ‘being’ those passions is somehow required for safety, for survival etc. It reminds me of something that Richard wrote in his journal haha :
VINEETO: Hi Kuba, ‘I’ may feel insecure by ‘my’ very nature as ‘I’ am but a contingent ‘being’, a versatile chameleon of ever-changing passions. You are spot on, “passions is somehow required for safety, for survival”, ‘I’ cannot exist without passion, ‘I’ am those passions swirling around the vortex creating ‘my presence’. This very feeling of insecurity can be the doorway to freedom –
Alternatively, when there is no fear or anxiety barring the way, the very next paragraph from the one you quoted gives you a follow-up on how to proceed –
In other words: allow feeling rudely raw until the feeling of being exposed dies down – then you can actually be here now. And this is magical. KUBA: I just realised that ‘Vineeto’ did in fact experience being “naked and exposed” Actually this is a perfect segue into a great example of this kind of feeling in ‘my’ life. Some of my work that I do on weekends involves being a life-drawing model for hen parties. So yes it involves stripping completely naked in front of a bunch of drunk women. To enter such a situation with no ‘protection’ from ‘being’ or from the social identity is a great challenge and it’s something that ‘I’ have become pretty damn good at! But this is exactly it – To stand naked and unadorned as this flesh and blood body, no pretence, no
‘being’. This is the challenge, the challenge to be actually intimate, the challenge to have no ‘hiding place’. VINEETO: Yes, the social constraints to being naked, and sexuality in general, provide the first barrier, on the social identity level, to be “naked and exposed” but it is the existential exposure of having nothing to hide which is the more frightening, and you are presently having fun exploring this challenge and discovering the delight of being more and more intimate. On the same topic you wrote – KUBA: Oh I will just add, Vineeto, when I wrote the other posts there was some fear/
anxiety as to how you would respond – So yes clearly ‘I’ had something to hide, ‘I’ was afraid of ‘my’
hiding place being exposed. VINEETO: This is very perceptive of you. Feeling being ‘Vineeto’ was often afraid for the same reason, that Richard would discover something ‘she’ wasn’t even aware ‘she’ was hiding. Despite our long acquaintance, this anxiety never completely disappeared until shortly before ‘she’ disappeared as a contingent ‘being’. However, the more ‘I’ became exposed, the less fear there was because there was less and less to hide. Yet despite your “fear/ anxiety” you always graciously inquire into the aspects which get revealed in our conversations, an indication that an actual freedom has priority over the possibility of ‘having egg on your face’, to use a colloquial term. This, amongst other things, is meant by ‘daring to care and caring to dare’. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA:
So the above quote demonstrates exactly what has been going on recently, it has been a pretty rocky ride at times! I remember Richard wrote that as weird as it may seem at first what ‘I’ desire deeply is what ‘I’ fear the most, this experientially clicked today. Because ‘I’ do desire oblivion and yet to proceed towards ‘my’ extinction is what ‘I’ fear the most. I have had Vineeto’s recent story It makes sense now that ‘I’ would want to ‘do’ something, anything to retreat into ‘normal’ life and away from the starkness. But ‘I’ cannot do that convincingly anymore, sometimes ‘I’ will anyways and very quickly it will become apparent that there is absolutely nothing in that direction to go back to. Having nothing of substance to go back to is what makes it an oft-times alarming but always thrilling ride. Essentially as Richard wrote:
And this is it, the core of ‘me’, ‘my’ precious is what ‘I’ am allowing to be exposed. This is somewhat similar and yet very different to what ‘I’ did with ‘my’ social identity. All along the path there was this need to be willing to relinquish a precious part of ‘myself’ BUT ‘my’ very core would get to remain. Whereas this ‘process’ that is happening now will ensure that whatever is still left in ‘my’ hiding place will be exposed, ‘I’ will not get to keep anything hidden. So it is proceeding towards what ‘I’ fear most and what ‘I’ desire the most. But I can see now that this is exactly what has been happening, this ‘process’ will progressively expose ‘me’ in ‘my’ entirety, ‘I’ cannot cut a single corner, ‘I’ do not get to keep even this little thing tucked away ‘over there’. Indeed this is an adventure of a lifetime, I can see the benefit of writing about this because this “desert of monumental proportions” is a deterrent from proceeding towards my destiny (and the same for my fellow human beings). Richard had the courage of his convictions and proceeded through it with no precedent, but he was exceptionally exceptional. It will be useful for others to know that it is indeed possible to traverse this. The other interesting thing which I forgot to mention is that when ‘I’ am experiencing this
starkness full on it appears as if this is all that ‘I’ have ever known and all ‘I’ will ever know, and yet
it can switch (and yo-yo) in a matter of seconds – where now all of a sudden it’s as if none of that ever
happened, and back and forth like that. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, What a fascinating thrilling time you are having, traversing this “desert of monumental proportions” and yet knowing with utter certainty that you are “proceeding towards my destiny”, and that there is “absolutely nothing in that direction to go back to”. Reading all this I was wondering if you perhaps are deeply influenced by these particular descriptions of Richard’s Journal – he was after all drawing from his experience of coming out of Spiritual Enlightenment /institutionalized insanity – such that they are what is now happening to you, especially as you also noticed that “it can switch (and yo-yo) in a matter of seconds – where now all of a sudden it’s as if none of that ever happened, and back and forth like that”. However, in the ultimate analysis it does not matter, because once the weirdness ends and you know with the perspicacity of apperception that “none of that ever happened” but was “nothing but an illusion all along”.
KUBA: Reading this back I can see why it might be “rocky at times”, there is still
some kind of a resistance coming from ‘me’. It is odd because where pure intent is pulling ‘me’ is towards
the end of suffering and yet ‘I’ experience it almost as if it’s some kind of an assault. ‘I’ am
desperately holding onto ‘me’ and yet ‘I’ am suffering, and then the pull towards the end of suffering is
experienced as an assault… VINEETO: I am immensely pleased that you discovered “some kind of a resistance coming from ‘me’” because it is this “resistance” which is fuelling the weirdness. The more you pay close attention to this “resistance”, and your experience of pure intent “as an assault” which is counteracting the “oblivion” you yearn for, the more you can deliberately lean into the feeling that “‘I’ do desire oblivion”, recognize and acknowledge it as a sincere yearning, a deeply felt longing, a life-long passionate wish to end being a fraud/an impostor who is having to carry the burden of hiding and desperately defending its own frightful secret. The reason I can speak so confidently about this ‘life-long passionate wish to end being a fraud’ is because ‘Vineeto’ deeply felt it many times in ‘her’ life, from the first moment when ‘she’ fell unconscious (due to low blood-pressure at the time). There was something so sweet, so enticing, so attractive, in those seconds before unconsciousness set in, and similar in following events that ‘she’ always wondered why that was so. ‘She’ finally found the answer when learning about an actual freedom – with the possibility to make those enticing seconds a permanent experience, via ‘her’ acquiesce to ‘her’ demise.
Thinking of you with the confidence of the pure intent showering its blessings Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: Have you ever been aware that deep down ‘I’ desire oblivion? Only recognising and acknowledging this desire will turn “this sense of genuine danger” into being the welcome destiny ‘you’ always wanted. KUBA: Yes I have experienced ‘my’ desire for oblivion, as we mentioned a while ago even going a little faint would deliver the flavour of it, of ‘me’ no longer having to be ‘me’. It is definitely very enjoyable and same goes for going into gay abandon, it is delicious to get a break from being ‘me’/ living ‘my’ life. It is what ‘I’ fear the most before it happens and when it is happening ‘I’ realise it is what ‘I’ desire the most. Hehe so it is exactly how Richard wrote, that as weird as it may sound at first what ‘I’ fear
the most is also what ‘I’ desire the most. It’s funny because ‘I’ resist ‘my’ death with all ‘my’ might and yet even a little taster of
oblivion is so delicious for ‘me’. VINEETO: I am pleased you now clearly experience desiring oblivion – so whenever standing still appears to become difficult to bear for the time being, you can ‘lean into’ ‘your’ desire for oblivion in lieu of allowing fear to create an inner dichotomy where ‘I’ am battling with ‘me’ or trying to force ‘me’ to an agreement ‘you’ may not yet be ready for. KUBA: Yes so this is it! ‘the danger’, that voice which entices ‘me’ to go to that ‘other place’, it is a mirage. It initially looks like it is being here which is dangerous but it is not so, this ‘danger’ it is an apparition designed to perpetuate the status quo. Huh it makes sense now what feeling being ‘Vineeto’ did in “traversing the wall of fear”, this is it. VINEETO: I am reminded, again, of Geoffrey’s description –
Indeed, fear is both the obstacle and the doorway to actuality. I can’t even remember how ‘Vineeto’ suddenly found ‘herself’ on the other side of the wall of fear, and only realised what happened later on –
KUBA: Once that ‘wall of fear’ is traversed it is seen to be
a mirage/ apparition/ trick, it is as if the doorway to actual freedom is guarded by this wall of fear. VINEETO: It is not only “as if”, it is so in reality because at core ‘I’ am fear and fear is ‘me’. Here is how Richard described his own process of traversing the wall of fear (the first time in the history of human consciousness) –
(...) Cheers Vineeto
CHRONO: Thanks for your reply and pointers Vineeto! VINEETO: Yesterday I watched the ‘Virtual Freedom’ video again and Peter reminded me of something I had almost forgotten – how hard it was at first to allow himself to be happy and harmless. What was one of the two main objections that he would have to go against the whole thrust of human ‘wisdom’, that one is not allowed to be happy. CHRONO: I just watched this video for the first time right now and my experience very much matches with what Peter is saying. Something Richard said also gave me some confidence, which is that (paraphrasing) suggestion that it is intelligence which makes it safe to look inside at the instinctual passions and then chooses the felicitous feelings with the pure intent to live it. VINEETO: Hi Chrono, I am pleased you found some things which match your experience in Peter’s video. Yes,
intelligence certainly makes is fairly safe to experience one’s own strong feelings, especially when coupled with
the sincere/ pure intent to become “happy and harmless”, “blithesome and benign”, “carefree and considerate”, “gay and benevolent”, as
Richard laid it out in detail in the above copied correspondence to No. 13, 21 May 2009 You will have observed that the less you object to/ fight/ reject the (unwanted) feelings you experience and subsequently channel them into felicitous feelings, the better and cleaner your intelligence can operate, freed from a lot of confusing, intoxicating debris of the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings. To put it another way, you can loosen the controls on keeping unpleasant feelings under wrap (without expressing or suppressing) and let some more naiveté slip out, which is a safe way to slowly, almost surreptitiously, to escape the ‘common call to unhappiness’. The less you have to hide, from yourself and others, the more playful you can be. CHRONO: I’d say it’s a counter to the doubtful vibes and currents which suggest that I will go out of control or go crazy if I don’t go along with the herd. It highlights this sort of confusion deep inside of what I am. There’s an intelligence operating despite the instinctual passions. VINEETO: There is indeed an intelligence operating, which will eventually reveal that all those dire predictions (go out of control or go crazy for instance) are just bluff of your own ‘being’ intending to keep you enthralled. It’s your own home-made fear which makes them appear so powerful. Think about it – you can clothe yourself, feed yourself, hold down a job to earn a livelihood … and can do a lot of other things. And the universe is keeping you alive by doing the breathing and digesting and sleeping etc for you. Just contemplate on it all when you are feeling good – it is simply marvellous. * VINEETO: 1 you can change yourself unilaterally (and only pay lip service when necessary) – in other words, you neither need permission nor allies in this game how happy and harmless can I feel CHRONO: As I reflect on this being unilateral, I realize that there’s a certain dare in trying to be happy and harmless. I REALLY want to be happy and harmless forever, but doing so goes against the fold and invokes a great fear. This gives rise to weirdly wanting to tell someone about what I am trying to do instead of just choosing to feel good without hoping for their approval. VINEETO: You just did and have my full approval. :) * VINEETO: Here is how feeling being ‘Vineeto’ described ‘her’ own discoveries – (snip quote re: commitment to eliminate my own aggression) CHRONO: When I reflect on this, I feel like I’ll be ridiculed for being felicitous and innocuous. But the difference this time unlike before is that I see that others don’t actually know something that I don’t (by their choosing to be malicious and sorrowful). This I think definitely comes from the ‘don’t fall out of line’ vibes and currents. VINEETO: Most of what you feel others would be thinking and feeling is what you feel about “being felicitous and innocuous”. Most people are so busy with their own lives that they hardly take any notice of what you do, let alone how you feel. And the more you own your own fear (as a human being inflicted by no fault of your own with instinctual passions) the more you become autonomous, affectively independent of what you feel others would want you to be. That’s when life becomes fun. * VINEETO: This sentence from Richard from many years ago may sound familiar to you –
CHRONO: Ah yes I do remember this. It’s pretty much why I keep coming back to it being this moment of being alive. I found it difficult to ‘go all the way’ or ‘stick with the seeing’ since then. There’s this ‘mountain of fear’ that didn’t seem to be there at that time. VINEETO: Mmh, that “mountain of fear” possibly has to do with you fighting the feeling and thus adding affective energy to it. See if you can loosen the control a bit, allowing the fear to just be there and you will notice how it diminishes simply by not objecting to it. From there is only a hop and a jump to feeling ok/feeling good, and then you can explore what it is made of. It’s the automatic habit of rejection which makes it appear like a mountain. Here is ‘Vineeto’s’ account of such an experience –
CHRONO: With all that said, I am right now able to choose
feeling good more easily. To go with the dare with my REALLY wanting to be happy and harmless. I’ll try this
sticking with the seeing that it is this moment again. VINEETO: This is excellent. As Richard says, “courage is sourced in the thrilling part of fear, the daring to proceed
will intensify of its own accord” Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: Mmh, that “mountain of fear” possibly has to do with you fighting the feeling and thus adding affective energy to it. See if you can loosen the control a bit, allowing the fear to just be there and you will notice how it diminishes simply by not objecting to it. From there is only a hop and a jump to feeling ok/ feeling good, and then you can explore what it is made of. It’s the automatic habit of rejection which makes it appear like a mountain. CHRONO: Yes I think that perhaps is what it is. I allowed myself to feel it and it seemed overwhelming. But it seems I had been afraid of being afraid. Just feeling it gets rid of that sitting on a ‘mountain of fear’ sensation. I allowed it to first wander where it would on its own, it veered towards cynicism and seriousness. An expectation of the worst. But what you wrote in the following quote helped me:
I had not approached it like that before. I wouldn’t doubt its actuality because it felt so true. So I had inadvertently been taking this ‘mountain of fear’ as truth. So the opposite thing I had been trying to do was allowing the fear to be there but I felt like I had to do something about it. So that would also feed it and it would mount in intensity. In the middle is a strange belief of something like ‘if I am feeling it, then that is what it is’. The feeling has the final say in the matter. But with this approach, I do not have to be afraid of the fear. I think the loosening the controls a bit is what I need to do right now. VINEETO: Ha, yes, all strong feelings are generally perceived as “truths” – that’s the very nature of feelings. So in order to find out what is really going on you first need to take a step back (=get back to feeling good) before you can contemplate what’s happening … or when the feeling is too strong, then sit with the feeling, neither repressing or expressing it until the third alternative hoves into view. In case of fear that may be the thrill to discover what’s behind it all.
Peter created a schematic in the Actual Freedom Library
* CHRONO: Also perhaps relatedly I am noting that underneath this is a deep feeling of angst that comes more and more to the fore. Sometimes experienced as meaninglessness and sometimes as agitation. It feels like the fabric of my reality and is not of my choosing. VINEETO: Indeed fear is at the core of your ‘being’ – ‘I’ am fear and fear is ‘me’. These quotes might shed some light on it –
And:
Cheers Vineeto
JESUSCARLOS: It’s Friday afternoon, and my partner is encouraged to give me feedback on my way of being and acting over the past week. Above all, she emphasizes that I’m like “absent”. Absorbed in my worries, too busy with my phone, not here and now. She rightly resents this. I receive it with discomfort but at the same time with openness, sticking to the facts: she’s right. It’s Saturday, and since the day before, I’ve tried to abandon my worries and be here, with attentiveness. We hike through the forest until we reach a waterfall at the far end. We’re alone. After a period of relaxation, a moment of pure awareness occurs. I marvel at the stillness of the rock while the majestic curtain of water falls steadily. I mention this to her, and she makes a humorous comment that makes us laugh for a while. “Yes, it’s very still, but the water is also damaging it slowly.” We called her thought the “anti-zen” thought of doom. All this reminds me that perfection comes with a high dose of humour. It’s Sunday and we’re at the cinema. We went to see the new “Dracula”. Two-thirds of the way through the film, I realize I’m feeling fear. But it has nothing to do with the film. Upon closer inspection, I realize it’s almost a panic attack. I think that if this feeling increases, I’ll either vomit, or run, or throw myself on the floor. But as best I can, I keep my hands in my pockets. I observe. Thoughts come and go, all of them doubts, fears, regarding actual freedom. What if this is just another manipulation? What if it’s an algorithm to program humans to no longer question anything and conform to the current regime? What if I become an inert robot by taking that step? What if Vineeto is actually an agent of the Matrix? (that film had a deep impact on me in my youth), etc. VINEETO: Hi Jesus Carlos, I understand your fear but you are misled by your feelings. About three years before becoming free ‘Vineeto’ expressed a similar sentiment when ‘she’ said to Richard, “to me you represent death”. Richard laughed and then said “I’m just a bloke”. Today I can say the same thing to you – I am just an old woman. As you said above – “perfection comes with a high dose of humour”. JESUSCARLOS: I clearly realize that these thoughts arise from an emotional reaction to the realization that my defence mechanisms cause suffering and aren’t truly necessary (Saturday’s EE/PCE realization). And I can clearly see that they are a core part of my identity, but that eliminating them means eliminating all of me; just one part can’t go. This insight increases my fear, almost to the point of terror. “My feelings are me, and I am my feelings”; “becoming my own best friend in this, isn’t something imposed on me, it’s something I choose for myself”; “This is for the good of humanity, it’s for its good, and for all the others I affect with my interactions, my absences”; “what is known is uncertain, uncertainty is the necessary step toward finding a solution”; “stick to the facts. What do the facts say? Don’t my interactions, my decisions, my will to fully be here improve when I really enjoy and appreciate this moment of being alive?” This last thought is the one that has the greatest impact on overcoming fear (because is not only a thought, is a connection with pure intent). I begin to experience a reduction of fear, recognizing that through facts, and not through my beliefs or daydreams, there is a clear and evident truth (paraphrasing René Descartes). The concrete experience of what is truly beneficial is the guide on this wide and wonderful path. Little by little, terror is replaced by the sweetness of this realization, which also awakens memories of my life in which I have always been searching for the final solution to my suffering. VINEETO: Have you ever thought that it might be the other way round, that your fear is created by ‘me’ wanting to force ‘me’ to do something ‘I’ am not ready to voluntarily do? In this case this is not pure intent informing you but passions pitched against each other in order to keep ‘me’ in existence. JESUSCARLOS: At this point, the film’s plot (spoiler alert) connects with the emotional thread of my feelings and thoughts, and the acceptance of the main character’s death as an altruistic decision that frees others from his own burden makes even more sense. I’m amazed by this synchronicity. VINEETO: I don’t know the film but this is not synchronicity but real-world sentimental fantasy for bitter-sweet feel-good effect. JESUSCARLOS: The film ends. I’m not in a PCE, but in a kind of IE/EE, experiencing a lot of sweetness and intimacy. And I tell my partner what happened. Tears run. And I’m incredibly grateful with her for having the courage to tell me what she’d been noticing these past few days about my way of withdrawing from being here, as a defence mechanism. And that reminded me that what is the most important for me is to truly give all of myself to her, and to the rest of living human bodies. VINEETO: As you describe well, the effect of this fantasy is that you feel grateful, not appreciative, towards your partner – which is a ‘good’ feeling not a felicitous/ innocuous feeling. You would be misleading yourself to compare that to pure intent and your aim to altruistically ‘self’-immolate for the benefit of this body (which does not die when ‘I’ become extinct), that body and every body. JESUSCARLOS: I see what happened as a positive sign of progress,
a kind of preparation for facing/ understanding that wall of fear behind which freedom could lie. At least a virtual
one. VINEETO: Now to the main reason I am replying to your post – “understanding that wall of fear”. While one does experience fear in the process of becoming free, for instance, when there is resistance to admit to this or that aspect of the identity, and one certainly needs daring to persist, it is nevertheless important to understand that it is always a self-induced suffering. ‘I’ am feeding the fear, either by fighting against it or by wanting to have something immediately which needs a gentler more friendly approach, especially when it comes to ‘my’ extinction. Stand back and have a chuckle about the antics ‘I’ get up to and get back to feeling good. Perhaps the following quote will make things clearer regarding “that wall of fear” –
The whole correspondence from 25 May 2015 is well-worth reading from the beginning because it drives the point home even more. As you might have gathered by now, when you are a friend to yourself and look at/ sort out the various obstacles to being happy and harmless, enjoying and appreciating each moment of being alive, when you become more and more naïve, like yourself and others, then you can follow the wide and wondrous path of felicitous discoveries and appreciative amazement, then there is no need to get lost in the scary thicket of self-created fear, sorrow and bitter-sweet fantasy. Then, following pure intent, one day the choice is so crystal-clear and irresistibly attractive, then the facts speak for themselves and inevitably trigger ‘my’ permission to the only obvious action which is not of ‘my’ doing. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: It’s interesting to note that contemplating “what it means to be ‘compassionate’” has triggered this “huge immense fear about what I am doing by trying to becoming free”. Compassion is one of the stalwarts to keep you trapped within humanity, and contemplating to do without appeared a dangerous and therefore impossible direction to proceed. CHRONO: Yes there was in the deepest part of the fear a complete and almost unbearable loneliness. Compassion perhaps keeps me connected to others and provides as an antidote for it in some way as well. Not that any of that will stop me haha. As you said, there may need to be a digestion period. VINEETO: That fear of “a complete and almost unbearable loneliness” is exactly the prison wall that is supposed to ensconce you within ‘humanity’s’ boundaries. When you stop fighting the fear, it will instantly diminish and then you can see if it has any substance in actuality. And yes, if it is a deep fear it might take some time to unravel and get to the thrilling aspect. I remember some strong fears ‘Vineeto’ had, for instance the atavistic one of being burnt at the stake –
Here is another example –
What ‘Vineeto’ forgot to mention that Richard’s interjection snapped ‘her’ out of the grip of fear instantly (because quite obviously intense fear cannot be maintained forever). It brought ‘Vineeto’ back down to earth. Cheers Vineeto
KUBA: Hi Vineeto, I see the trick now, and it’s not just this one particular trick but ‘my’ tricks altogether, which are there essentially as breaks to prevent motion, as motion means that ‘my’ territory is at stake. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, To forget any experiential evidence of actuality altogether from a PCE is quite common given the
ubiquity of the human condition. What I understand your particular trick was to either absorb any experience of the
actual world as ‘your’ territory or deny its relevance as a call to action, i.e. intent. Hence my question if it
was perhaps a spiritual approach of chasing realisations, believing they would give ‘you’ value, virtue, credit, a
“favourable place in a group” KUBA: It’s funny because I always thought I wanted an adventure, but this is a genuine adventure now and I wonder if I have the minerals for it. VINEETO: I appreciate your honesty – fear is not an easy thing to admit to oneself, let alone in public. The word which feeling being ‘Vineeto’ had for such courage to be a pioneer in something entirely new to human consciousness was ‘mettle’. Also, when I answered Sonya’s message I found your reference to Srinath’s ‘sandpit actualism’ where you said –
Just make sure that what you experienced as the “mirificent flavour” is indeed pure intent, the “genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity” and not the previous “connecting to purity”. Is it something which is “irresistibly enticing, it was impossible not to care, it was something that could easily pull ‘me’ all the way to ‘my’ demise without a shred of resistance”? It is this, the genuine experience of pure intent, which provides the mettle to proceed. Richard had several conversations with Alan on the topic of fear and courage, here are the last paragraphs of one of them –
KUBA: It’s not that the motion is painful or anything like that, it’s a wonderful adventure but it’s actually happening … I don’t have a word for it because it’s not scary and yet it’s as if the hairs on my neck are standing up. VINEETO: Thrill perhaps? Or this other word? –
KUBA: It seems that each time ‘I’ dare to give up some of
‘my’ territory there is the initial resistance etc and then once it goes there is a greater scope of enjoyment
and appreciation available and then again ‘I’ put up a barrier a little lower down and play the same game over
again. The tricks seem to come in to play in particular when there is that potential of the next bit of ‘my’
territory being given up. VINEETO: Again, once you establish the experiential connection to pure intent, the “genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity” which blew you away, the initial resistance will melt away.
Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO: The desire for immortality certainly relates to the “Tried and Failed”, but it also relates to the instinctual programming to survive at any cost and the fact that ‘I’/ ‘me’ have usurped the role of this body’s keeper. Here is a fascinating insight from Richard on the origin of the universal belief in ‘my’ immortality – (…) CHRONO: Ah yes that makes sense that the “Tried and Failed” itself is a function of the instinctual programming. I remember reading that fascinating quote and it reminded me of the book “The Selfish Gene” but at the time I had never thought of ‘me’ as being the very genetic memory. As for dread, I find that it’s the looking away from that feeling which makes it churn. But I also don’t know how to stop looking away. VINEETO: Denying, pushing away or fighting fear in any way including being afraid of being afraid always adds fuel to the feeling of fear or dread. Look for the thrill. Here is a little story –
* VINEETO: It is indeed “all-encompassing” and has not just “seeped” in – spirituality is part and parcel of being a ‘being’ because ‘being’ itself is not actual and as such ‘you’ are ‘a spirit being’, so to speak. (…)
CHRONO: It’s very interesting how one can be this spirit being while also denying one is a spirit being. Perhaps some self-survival strategy. I realized this was also the issue with the Buddhist ‘no-self’ crowd. They equate ‘no-self’ with there being no spirit while denying that they are that very spirit which is doing the looking. Once again, all eyes off ‘me’. Richard’s whole exposition of modern and ancient Buddhism was a real eye opener. There is a useful word for it – cognitive dissonance An ever-increasing attentiveness will eventually sweep out all dark corners of one’s psyche and make cognitive dissonance redundant so that naiveté can flourish.
Cheers Vineeto
FELIX: Hi Vineeto, I didn’t even realise you had replied but now I came to write something and it was amazing how apropos what you wrote was. I wanted to write because I am having somewhat of an epiphany right at the moment. Something really, really significant – I can feel it is because all the tectonic plates are shifting in my brain. It’s not my usual experiencing, I’m feeling a big shift that’s causing big changes to my feeling experience as I write, even at this very moment [not so easy to describe in words but 1) a release of feeling good 2) feeling “unlocked” 3) nervous system relaxation 4) shifting of perception of the way things are]. And it’s all happening because of investigation into one thing – safety. VINEETO: Hi Felix, What deliciously good news. It looks like you have had tangible success in finding to break the vicious cycle of staying trapped in fear. This is a huge step forward towards more ease and enjoyment – and more to come as you say that “all the tectonic plates are shifting in my brain”. It reminds me of what feeling being ‘Vineeto’ reported to Richard –
A lot of things started falling into place after that, sometimes of their own accord, once the ‘turning upside-down’ of ‘her’ brain was initiated. And for you, one of the key elements was to question, for the first time, if ‘safety’ as you saw it was what it made out to be, and “a huge internal belief framework around threat, stress and safety” is starting to crumble as a result. Well done. * FELIX: So it’s very apt that you wrote the following, which I am now answering even though I didn’t know you had asked me this:
Indeed – I am currently seeing through a huge internal belief framework around threat, stress and safety. Usually, me and this threat detection are one and the same – my sense of identity is wrapped up in it, with all the fears and panic and emotional shutdown that comes with it. For the last few years I’ve had a distinct sense of being “emotionally shutdown” or “numb” … almost like there is a heavy grey sky over every thing that happens. Of course I was “trying to feel good”, but it seemed as if the grey sky with its threatening thunder and bolts of lightning was making it impossible. As if you and Richard were asking me to look at that grey scary sky and call it a clear, blue one. I have felt trapped by actualism, trapped by the real world, and trapped by my own brain/ psyche – as I scrambled. All the time it felt the walls were closing in, that I didn’t have enough air, that I was stuck in a kind of pressure cooker – seemingly caused by the need to become free juxtaposed with my apparent inability to do so. The paradoxical nature of actualism itself (to be an illusory self dismantling itself) also felt so scary too, like something important I couldn’t mess up. My brain has been in absolute overdrive trying to figure it all out, find the right explanations (such as hypotheses about having various conditions whether autism or chronic fatigue or childhood trauma) and try to explain all the trouble. It goes deeper than saying that the fear and panic there was a set of feelings I occasionally had. It would be more accurate to say that it has been my primary modus operandi. This neurotic, paranoid and fearful lens has been so engrained, and seemingly so encoded in the nervous system (appearing to be an actual survival strategy or survival response) that I was not able to see a possibility outside of it. I saw myself/ the world like that and any thought or feeling I had seemed to fit itself into that overarching perception. I even wonder if some of the PCEs I had actually exacerbated all of this too. It was a hypothesis of Richard at the time (that I may have been freaked out by the PCEs). Indeed I have had a sense of being so emotionally frozen – not suffering intense emotional extremes (depression, grief, euphoria etc) – but nevertheless suffering a kind of chronic shutdown state. So I clung to all the supposed actualism “rules” I’d memorised, along with various insights and pieces of advice from Richard, yourself and others, just trying to find a way to survive in my circumstances. VINEETO: Well, when you read this piece of writing again in a few days, when more of the changes in the background have had time to come into effect, you will see that the core ‘self’-survival mechanism, ‘me’, has turned feeling good and all the memorized “supposed actualism ‘rules’” into weapons to keep you stressed and frightened, and have as such cemented this very structure you were seeking to escape from. It was only your determined persistence that there must be another way to live, that this cannot be all there is to life, which finally brought results, and you made a big dent into this “internal belief framework” sabotaging any success before. The success was instantly visible and tangible – “1) a release of feeling good 2) feeling “unlocked” 3) nervous system relaxation 4) shifting of perception of the way things are”. FELIX: It’s so strange how something so loud and obvious (and obnoxious!:)) has escaped my awareness for so long. I think fear has had me totally in its grip, that I couldn’t see things clearly enough to disentangle myself from it. VINEETO: Dear Felix, it is not strange at all, this is part and parcel of the survival program to avoid and prevent change at all cost once you learnt a technique very early in life how to survive under specific circumstances. It’s only “loud and obvious” when you are out of the tunnel, not before. You can really pat yourself on the back and then some more – it has been an enormous task to tackle and dig yourself out from. The cute part is, once one aspect is resolved, there are no scars and barely any memories of it either. FELIX: How can I be so cunning as to evade my own fear? Now I see that everything I do, I do out of fear. And I think I am seeing there is something beyond it. Wow. VINEETO: This is well and truly wonderful and Kuba told you his own story how he was trapped by fear and found
his way out. This can give encouragement to everyone reading of both your successes. Cheers Vineeto
VINEETO to Adam-H: Ha, it sounds like a terrible chore the way you put it “I have
to actually be felicitous and innocuous” – don’t make it into a moral doctrine or precept
to be obeyed else it gets corrupted into a tool to keep you miserable. ANDREW: This is what I understand to be the difference between actuality / the condition-less enjoyment of being alive, and ‘being’ as the ‘human condition’; each moment of ‘being’ is a trial, a test, a do or die ultimatum. It’s never anything but a trudging battle against the obvious inevitability of failure. VINEETO: Hi Andrew, If for you “each moment of ‘being’ is a trial”, “a trudging battle against the obvious inevitability of failure”, as it apparently was a decade ago when you wrote the memorable sentence “I gird myself for battle every morning”, isn’t it high time to locate this belief (truth) and closely examine it so that you can do something about it, i.e. abandon it for good? Nobody but you forces you to be either a warrior or a failure. When you sincerely recognize that ‘you’ are your feelings and your feelings are ‘you’, you have the choice to be a more felicitous and innocuous feeling and decline to continue being resentful. For instance, you can locate your basic resentment of being alive on this wonderful green and
azure planet and recognize, from the depth of your ‘being’ that it is a pathetic [pertaining to the emotions and
passions] waste of this very moment of being alive, and plain silly to keep this aspect of your affective personality
alive for another day. Have a look at Richard’s selected correspondence on this topic for further inspiration, if
you are inclined to sincerely let resentment go. ANDREW: I woke this morning with the feeling of acute
anxiety in my chest. Later in the day it occurred to me that there was no such thing as “anxiety in my
chest”. That my heart may indeed be reacting to my jogging exercise, and my beer intake, but “terror”
was never in my actual chest. VINEETO: Oh yes, it is in your actual chest – denial is not going to solve anything. Here is an example of such a (spiritually-inspired) way of denial –
All passionate feelings, especially when experienced repeatedly and persistently, release chemicals (for instance adrenaline and cortisol) acting unfavourably on your physical body. Stress is slowly being acknowledged as being responsible for certain diseases and health problems.
In contrast –
In case you are looking for an additional convincing reason (apart from feeling bad) to be attentive to how you experience being alive and choose to be a different feeling when you do not enjoy /appreciate being alive, then a wish to not have “the feeling of acute anxiety” with physical side-effects in your chest might give you additional motivation. Cheers Vineeto
FELIX: Hello to you both, lovely to hear from you. Kuba It’s funny hey, how much fear really pushes one around internally. It fuels certain lines of thought propels particular strategies, closes certain doors of enquiry, and prevents clear thinking or seeing. It’s powerful and it acts from a place of trying to keep one safe, even though it’s actually doing the bloody opposite usually! VINEETO: Hi Felix, A splendid analysis, if I may say so. FELIX: Vineeto, thanks for your encouragement and apt references and anecdotes. I’m relishing your writing and very appreciative of your contribution. My diminished fear has removed the bee out of my bonnet (and the chip off my shoulder) regarding actualism and suddenly it’s a real thrill and pleasure to be involved with others and benefit from your particular expertise and insight as well. To what you wrote, indeed it’s amazing the degree to which this fear operated, unseen. To me it seems the strong feelings of fear protected and bolstered a very strong sense of ego – and that this ego (operating primarily as a very powerful sense of control/ doership) would not allow itself to be “captured” or discovered, so to speak. VINEETO: Your different way of writing certainly indicates that a noisy “bee” and a large “chip” have disappeared, and now a naiveté prevails which can consider the benefit of others as well as your own. It’s a precious time when your brain is rearranging itself to the new circumstances, and the thing right now to pay special attentiveness to any subtle machinations in the background trying to create a new persona to fill this beneficial gap created by the diminished chunk of fear, which has disappeared only a few days ago. It’s a common strategy of ‘me’ to replace the old persona with a new one, hence my cautionary note. What you can do instead is to delightedly settle in and feel at home with this budding naiveté where you are not quite sure what is happening but are nevertheless thrilled and fascinated to be alive and let more and more life live you. FELIX: As much of the actualism website is dedicated to the necessity to look at feelings/ soul rather than thought/ego, I’ll clarify that I’m not saying that feelings weren’t the culprit … just that it was my own evasive sense of ‘I’ that seemed to want to perpetuate itself. And this very pointed and inflamed sense of “I” was primarily fuelled by intense fear … mostly around things like criticism, status, perception, self in relation to others (as opposed to lions or tigers which would be more worthy of such fear!). VINEETO: The reason for mainly using “feelings/ soul rather than thought/ego” in the writings on the website is because the equivalence of thought and ego, and therefore vilification of thought, is the way of the old, spiritual paradigm intending to lure you into the pursuit of ego-death aka enlightenment, whilst ignoring the vital part that the instinctual feelings, particularly the so-called ‘good’ feelings play in the creation of misery and mayhem. Have you ever considered that this “very strong sense of ego” is/was also responsible for your self-castigation and the self-inflicted stress you experienced? In other words, you were caught in the dichotomy of pride and humility, ego and self-castigation with no tangible resolution. Or in Richard’s words –
In other words, all of it, both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ and the battle between the two are part of the old paradigm, while being naïve and enjoying and appreciating being alive is the new paradigm. FELIX: In that context it makes sense now why I have been so intensely analytical – an “overthinker” who was trying to attempt a top-down, intellectual coup on my entire system (with fairly disastrous results I might add). Luckily the fact I have been aware over the years, at least as a “witness”, has also given me insight into the kinds of routes to not bother going down again … such as intense self-improvement, comparison to others, self-castigation, stress/ neuroticism, misanthropy, to name a few. In my intense insecurity I was always attempting to gain some kind of imagined psychological dominion over others to find “safety”, often through ambition and self-judgement. Being perceived to be less than others or an object of criticism from the herd was extremely threatening stuff, like an annihilation. It wasn’t always just intense fear, often it came as a constant gnawing anxiety. And my desires were just as fuelled by fear as well – the desire to be good enough, to evade criticism, to be infallible, to achieve, to be a free spirit etc etc. Desire seems to be the flip side of fear. VINEETO: Now that you describe it in all its painful details – what a blessed disappearance of these “feelings, belief structures and behaviours”. They have conspired in concerted effort like a tight-woven web to keep you imprisoned … until … until you were so fed up with suffering and had gathered enough courage to look straight into the core (which is far more than ego) –
FELIX: It’s weird how certain feelings, belief structures and behaviours can disappear. I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced such a big “chunk” of my issues going at once. There is some clean up still, certain habits and automatic reactions and such, but the main engine seems to be really disengaged. With that gone, I’m finding there is an “underneath” to all of this that I can sense. I’m closer (at times) if I can put it that way. There’s a sense of softness, of sensuousness, that makes this moment liveable in a different way to what I’m accustomed to. It feels so safe as well, and with that safety I feel emotionally open and there is a sincerity that is a pleasure to feel. A sweetness! And with that sweetness the sense of intensity around the need to become free has become more, not less – even though my feeling-led intensity has rapidly diminished. At times when I lean into the appreciation of this potentiality the tears come to my eyes. I don’t want humans to suffer any longer, and I see that suffering all around … in news articles, in overheard conversations, in personal interactions, in the comment sections of social media platforms, in documentaries, in fictional series. I can “feel” it – I know what I am seeing in others when they complain, when they grieve, when they fight, when they are in shock, when they are bored. I know it all, I know it from where it is often hardest to see of all, in me. And while this is good back pressure, I’m listening when you say that “the actualism
method is enjoying and appreciating, not diving into deep emotions for the sake of it.” There’s a fun and
smooooth enjoyment in making contact with This Moment of Being Alive. I’m tasting it here and there, sinking in
slowly to a sense of delight. I want the full shebang but I know not to force either … I enjoy as is available to
me at the time, based on the (physical/ sensorial) circumstances as they are. I’m enjoying as I write this. VINEETO: Indeed, when that sweetness of spontaneous appreciation pervades you (when pure intent is tangibly experienced like an actually occurring stream of benevolence and benignity that originates in the vast and utter stillness that is the essential character of the universe itself) then all you want to do is keep allowing it and keep appreciating it.
Cheers Vineeto
ANDREW: Hi Vineeto, To echo Adam’s theme of initial reaction to later appreciation, I
took this as encouragement but didn’t specifically have anything to be courageous about. I was also surprised by
the encouragement to be friendly with myself, it is always a great reminder for me. (…) VINEETO: Hi Andrew, Perhaps this is something to take note of – reminding yourself to be friendly with yourself until it becomes a beneficial habit. As your further post indicates, this reminder allowed you to feel some of the deeply buried fear and contemplate it. ANDREW: The drama in the moment of writing about the fear of failing again, has revealed more of the simplicity I look for these days, rather than any “thought out” type of conclusions based on the “story of my life”. The simplicity is the basic fear intrinsic to being a survival (and reproductive) program, at my core. It’s a feedback loop which is now focused on the fact there is a lot less potential life ahead, than there is behind, and the daily reminders from the aging process that this is not math, or theoretical. The fear, which is me, and has always been so much that a) was ever present, b) not admitted, ever. I distinctly remember the moment I vowed to myself I would not admit I was afraid even. It of course, didn’t stop me being afraid, but it means I denied it to myself so thoroughly that in many circumstances I didn’t even feel it. That moment was as a child when the stove caught on fire, an oil fire on the cook-top when someone had left oil heating up. I remember “screaming like a girl” and in that was even going to douse the flames with water, though I don’t remember what happened. I remember such shame sitting on the step out the front of the house, that I vowed that I would never be afraid again. I was about 10 years old, I think. I have of course, felt fear many, many times, but it is surprising how few, if any will I openly
admit feeling it. I probably have talked about it, in theory, but admitting, in the moment, that I am afraid, is
rare. VINEETO: This was a harsh treatment indeed for a 10-year-old, and when fear is constantly
pushed away, it automatically grows – the very affective energy of pushing it away increases the affective charge
of the unwanted feeling. And when it is seriously suppressed, over a long period of time, it results in all kinds of
psycho-somatic side-effects. For additional general information see Richard, Dissociation and Trauma So it’s very beneficial that you can now allow to acknowledge and feel the feeling of fear, as much as you dare each time, being friendly and shining the bright light of awareness and contemplative attentiveness on those feelings.
When you apply this kind of contemplation, at bit at a time, and then perhaps longer, not getting side-tracked into imaginations or intuitions, then the affective charge of fear will diminish and allow you to more deeply understand how you tick. It might well diminish the restlessness you reported. Of course, you can do that with any feeling that arises. Cheers Vineeto
ANDREW: On that note, I came across a fear when really wondering why I hadn’t just “pushed the button”. Considering that every actually free person who has written anything about their freedom has expressed “surprise” that others haven’t also “stepped out of the real world”, I was also looking into it. VINEETO: Whenever there is great fear when you contemplate ‘self-immolation, it means ‘I’, or dominant aspects of ‘me’, do at present not agree to ‘my’ demise. ‘I’ am dominating and don’t want to relinquish ‘my’ affective power. That’s why intent and affective attentiveness is so important to allow yourself to be drawn to the clarity and joy of being here and remove the various obstacles to enjoy being here. Being happy and harmless is the actualist’s tool to minimize ‘my’ strength and ‘my’ influence bit by bit, habits, beliefs and attitudes. And being a friend to yourself is a significant technique to utilise to replace the habit of chastising yourself. ANDREW: All the excuses. Well over a decade of reasons/ excuses, it seemed that if I didn’t find a way to “cut to the chase” this will be the way it goes for me. VINEETO: Aren’t you putting the bar to high and then demand yourself to jump? That’s not very friendly to yourself … and makes no sense either. ANDREW: However, back to the fear. I felt that there was an aspect of fear around success in this ultimate quest. The fear was around what happened to Jesus. VINEETO: If you remember the prophecies in the bible, Jesus was predicted to be the Messiah, who was destined to deliver the Jews from the yoke of Roman domination. Of course, if you have a similar imagination about an actual freedom, you are in trouble! Whenever you want to push for self-immolation before you are ready to joyfully acquiesce, you will possibly encounter immense fear and possibly altered states as the “doomsday straws” to prevent that. It may well mean you have not yet a solid base of being happy and harmless in an ongoing way, and are allowing your feelings to push you from one side to the other. ANDREW: Though I am no longer young man, I felt the hesitation to do anything which would put me in the crosshairs of the types which nailed him up (and the many like him, not only in his time, but in all times). VINEETO: Ok, I think I understand you now. ‘Vineeto’ at some point had the atavistic fear of being burnt as a witch if ‘she’ stepped outside the norm.
ANDREW: I saw this while thinking about the efforts made to stay anonymous by actually free people. VINEETO: You are mainly talking about Richard, I think, how he did not want his last name used publicly. It was mainly to protect those with the same last name from being drawn into any malicious acts of those ‘feeling beings’ threatened by the actual freedom Richard wrote about – and as the ‘Mother of all Kerfuffles’ demonstrated – and people did indeed get quite malicious. ANDREW: I knew it was sensible, but the perspective involving the type of hatred those in power
have for radical people, had not fully occurred to me. Further to that, was how I am afraid of them, of that hatred
and blind murderous intent so often played out in the world towards new, and radical people looking to improve the
world. VINEETO: You are mixing two different topics – Richard talks about changing yourself, not society.
‘Vineeto’ or ‘Peter’ never ever got into trouble with “those in power”, nor did Richard. Actual freedom is not a revolution in the sense of overthrowing “those in power” (as much as any rebel-rouser wants that to happen) – it is all about changing oneself; the happy and harmless vibes you will then automatically emanate may or may not entice people to do the same for themselves.
 (Richard,
List D, No. 12, 27 November 2009).
Cheers Vineeto
Freedom from the Human Condition – Happy and Harmless Vineeto’s & Richard’s Text ©The Actual
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